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Lecture Hall, Cattle Call
Proving Ground
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8/30/2024
From "The REAL College Survival Guide" by Kevin Lawson
Category
😹
Fun
Transcript
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00:00
I walked into the lecture hall for my freshman English 101 class, and let me tell you, it
00:06
was like stepping into a stadium.
00:09
I half expected to see a marching band and a giant foam finger waving in the air.
00:14
Instead, I was greeted by a sea of faces, all staring blankly at the front, like they
00:20
were waiting for a rock concert to start.
00:23
I mean, who knew that learning about the intricacies of the English language would require a venue
00:29
that could seat a small army?
00:32
The professor, a wiry man with glasses that seemed to magnify his eyes to cartoonish proportions,
00:38
shuffled in like he was about to deliver the most important news of the century.
00:43
He cleared his throat, and the sound echoed through the cavernous room, causing a few
00:48
students to jump as if they were in a horror movie.
00:52
I could almost hear the collective thought, is this guy going to teach us about Shakespeare
00:57
or summon a demon?
00:59
As he began his lecture, I quickly realized that the acoustics in this place were better
01:05
suited for a rock band than for a discussion about literary devices.
01:10
Every time he said, metaphor, it sounded like he was announcing the arrival of a celebrity.
01:16
Metaphor!
01:17
The students in the back row perked up, as if they were waiting for a celebrity to walk
01:21
down the aisle.
01:23
I half expected someone to throw a bouquet of flowers at him.
01:27
And then there were the students.
01:28
Oh, the students!
01:31
You had your overachievers, the ones who had clearly read the syllabus before they even
01:36
stepped foot on campus.
01:38
They were the ones sitting in the front row, furiously taking notes, nodding along like
01:43
they were at a TED talk.
01:45
I could practically hear their thoughts.
01:48
I'm going to get an A in this class, and then I'll go on to write the next great American
01:53
novel.
01:55
Meanwhile, I was sitting in the back, trying to figure out if I could get away with just
01:59
writing I love books on my final paper and calling it a day.
02:04
Then there were the slackers, the ones who looked like they had rolled out of bed five
02:08
minutes before class.
02:10
They were slouched in their seats, eyes glazed over, probably wondering if they could get
02:15
credit for just showing up.
02:18
I could see them mentally calculating how many more classes they could skip before they'd
02:22
have to start worrying about their GPA.
02:26
Two more?
02:27
Three?
02:28
Perfect!
02:29
And let's not forget the tech-savvy students, the ones who had their laptops open.
02:34
But instead of taking notes, they were scrolling through social media.
02:38
I could see their screens lighting up with notifications, and I wondered if they were
02:42
tweeting about how boring the lecture was, or if they were just trying to find the latest
02:47
meme to distract themselves.
02:49
I mean, who needs to learn about the symbolism in The Great Gatsby when you can watch a cat
02:54
video instead?
02:56
As the professor droned on about the importance of thesis statements, I found myself daydreaming
03:01
about what it would be like to teach this class.
03:05
I could imagine myself standing at the front, wearing a cape and declaring,
03:09
Welcome to English 101!
03:12
Today, we're going to explore the wild world of punctuation.
03:16
I could see the students' faces lighting up with excitement, or maybe that was just
03:21
the reflection of their laptop screens.
03:24
But then reality hit me.
03:27
I was just a freshman, trying to navigate this massive classroom filled with strangers.
03:33
I was just trying to figure out if I could survive this semester without losing my mind.
03:41
So, I took a deep breath, pulled out my notebook, and decided to embrace the chaos.
03:47
After all, if I was going to learn about English, I might as well do it in a place that felt
03:52
like a rock concert.
03:54
Who knows?
03:55
Maybe one day, I'd be the one up there, rocking the mic and teaching the next generation about
04:02
the beauty of the written word.
04:04
Or at least, I'd be the one with the best cat memes.
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