College Football Follies - video Dailymotion

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8/30/2024

From "The REAL College Survival Guide" by Kevin Lawson

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00:00So, there I was, standing on the edge of the football field, staring at the chaos unfolding

00:06before me.

00:07I had signed up for the college football team tryouts because, well, why not?

00:13I mean, I had watched every Super Bowl since I was five, and I could recite the stats of

00:19every player like they were my own family members.

00:23I figured that had to count for something, right?

00:26Spoiler alert, it doesn't.

00:29As I looked around, I realized I was surrounded by a sea of muscle and testosterone.

00:35These guys were built like Greek gods, and here I was, a 5'10 string bean with the

00:41athletic prowess of a sloth on sedatives.

00:44My idea of a workout was lifting a pizza slice to my mouth, but hey, I was here for the experience,

00:51and maybe a free t-shirt.

00:53The first thing they had us do was run laps.

00:56I thought, laps?

00:58I can run.

00:59Turns out, I can run.

01:01For about thirty seconds.

01:03After that, my lungs felt like they were trying to escape my body, and my legs were screaming,

01:09what have we done to deserve this?

01:11As I staggered around the track, I could hear the coaches shouting encouragement, but all

01:16I could think was, is it too late to switch to the chess club?

01:21Next up was the agility drills.

01:23I watched as these guys zigzagged through cones like they were born to do it.

01:29I, on the other hand, approached the cones with the grace of a newborn giraffe.

01:34I tripped over the first cone and fell flat on my face.

01:38I could hear the collective gasp of the team, followed by a chorus of laughter.

01:43I lay there for a moment, contemplating my life choices, wondering if I should have just

01:48taken up knitting instead.

01:51After the cones, we moved on to passing drills.

01:54I was handed a football, and for a brief moment, I felt like Tom Brady.

01:59That feeling lasted about two seconds before I realized I had no idea how to throw a football.

02:06I wound up and let it fly, only to watch it spiral wildly off course and land squarely

02:12on the head of a guy who was just trying to catch a pass.

02:16He turned to me with a look that could only be described as a mix of confusion and mild

02:21rage.

02:22I raised my hands in surrender, muttering, sorry, man, I'm just trying to make friends.

02:29Then came the tackling drills.

02:31Oh, joy!

02:33I was paired with a guy who looked like he could bench press a car.

02:37As he charged at me, I had two thoughts.

02:40This is it.

02:41This is how I die, and I really should have brought a helmet.

02:47I braced myself for impact, and when he collided with me, it felt like being hit by a freight

02:52train.

02:53I hit the ground and lay there, staring up at the sky, wondering if I could convince

02:58my mom that I had a sudden allergic reaction to football.

03:03Finally, we moved on to scrimmage.

03:05This was the moment I had been dreading.

03:08I was put on the field, and as the ball was snapped, I froze.

03:13I had no idea where to go or what to do.

03:16I just stood there, watching the play unfold like a confused spectator at a circus.

03:22The quarterback yelled, hike, and I instinctively ran in the wrong direction.

03:28I could hear the coach yelling, get open, and I thought, open?

03:33I'm just trying to stay alive here.

03:36By the end of the tryouts, I was exhausted, bruised, and questioning my life choices.

03:42But as I walked off the field, I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.

03:47I might not have made the team, but I had survived the chaos, and that felt like a victory

03:52in itself.

03:53Plus, I had a great story to tell, and that's worth more than any t-shirt.

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