Scholarship Shenanigans - video Dailymotion

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8/30/2024

From "The REAL College Survival Guide" by Kevin Lawson

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00:00You know, when I first heard about the scholarship competition, I thought,

00:04this is it, my golden ticket to a debt-free education.

00:08I mean, who wouldn't want to compete for a scholarship?

00:11It's like the Hunger Games, but instead of fighting to the death,

00:15we're just fighting to see who can write the most heart-wrenching essay

00:19about why we deserve free money.

00:22I can practically hear the dramatic music playing in the background

00:26as I sit down to craft my masterpiece.

00:29So there I was, armed with my laptop, a half-eaten bag of stale chips,

00:35and a caffeine-fueled determination that could rival a caffeinated squirrel.

00:40I opened a blank document and stared at the cursor blinking at me

00:44like it was mocking my very existence.

00:47Come on, brain, you've got this, I thought,

00:50as if my brain was some kind of underperforming student in a motivational seminar.

00:55I started with the classic approach.

00:58Ever since I was a child, I dreamed of making a difference in the world.

01:02But then I realized, wait a minute,

01:05I didn't even know what I wanted to be when I grew up until last week.

01:09So I scrapped that line.

01:11I mean, who am I kidding?

01:13My biggest dream as a child was to have a pet dinosaur.

01:17I could just see the scholarship committee reading that and thinking,

01:21well, this kid clearly has no grasp on reality.

01:24Next!

01:25Then I thought, maybe I should go for the sob story angle.

01:29You know, the classic, I grew up in a one-room shack

01:32with nothing but a single light bulb and a dream.

01:35But then I remembered my parents have a pretty nice house,

01:39and I have my own room.

01:41So I decided to dial it back a bit.

01:43I grew up in a house with Wi-Fi, but sometimes the connection was slow.

01:48Yeah, that'll tug at the heartstrings.

01:51Next, I moved on to the I've overcome adversity section.

01:56I thought about all the times I had to struggle through high school,

01:59like that time I had to wake up before noon to study for finals.

02:03But let's be real, that's not exactly a heroic tale.

02:08I fought valiantly against the forces of procrastination.

02:12I could see the committee rolling their eyes.

02:15Oh, what a brave soul!

02:17How did they manage to battle the Netflix monster?

02:20Then came the part where I had to list my accomplishments.

02:23I mean, what do I even put?

02:25I once won a participation trophy in a spelling bee.

02:29Or, I have a collection of all the memes I've created over the years.

02:34I could see it now.

02:35This kid is clearly a meme master.

02:37Let's give them all the money.

02:39Finally, I decided to go with humor.

02:42I thought, if I can't impress them with my life story,

02:46maybe I can make them laugh.

02:48So I wrote about how I once tried to bake cookies for a fundraiser

02:52and ended up creating a new form of charcoal.

02:55I mean, who knew that baking soda could explode?

02:59I could practically hear the committee chuckling

03:01as they read about my culinary disaster.

03:04This kid may not have a perfect GPA,

03:07but they sure know how to make a mess.

03:10After hours of typing, deleting, and rewriting,

03:13I finally had my essay.

03:16I hit send and sat back, feeling a mix of relief and dread.

03:21What if they didn't get my humor?

03:24What if they thought I was just a goofball who didn't take anything seriously?

03:28But then again, maybe that's exactly what they needed.

03:32A little laughter in a sea of serious essays

03:35about world-changing aspirations and overcoming poverty.

03:40So here's to the scholarship committee.

03:42May they appreciate my unique brand of chaos and humor.

03:46And if not, well, at least I can say I tried.

03:50And who knows?

03:52Maybe one day I'll be the proud owner of a pet dinosaur after all.

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