- 8/17/2024
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00:00If you don't hire your relatives, you can't fire them motherfuckers.
00:04Go home and have an argument domestically.
00:07That's why I like white people.
00:11I look around, a lot of white people in the house, Chinese, that's the way to go.
00:18Chinese motherfucking mind ain't been there.
00:29So you laugh like a motherfucker, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh.
00:33You can tell a black Chinese, because they sing and talk, oh yeah, no, yeah, yeah.
00:37That's got some black in them.
00:39No mother could do your nails to your feet.
00:42They always talking that bing, dong, bong, bing.
00:45But when they want their money, they talk English like a mother, you know what I mean?
00:51$15, $15.
00:52Don't let me hear you talking that Chinese shit no more.
00:56I mean, you're talking about my mama or something like that, behind my goddamn back.
01:00Oh, but don't tell me, man, it's bullshit.
01:03Forty-three, man, I'm getting older now, I lost my buddy.
01:07Well, he wasn't a buddy.
01:09What is it, Holmes?
01:10You see me busy, goddamn, I'll talk to you later.
01:15Country motherfucker hollering and shit, sit down.
01:18My Lord, I lost a friend, you know, it wasn't a friend, I knew the motherfucker, 47, I'm
01:2543.
01:26When somebody die, be close to you, that shit scare the fuck out of you, you know that?
01:30You know, be like, was he sick?
01:34Make you think about your goddamn self, you know that?
01:38Motherfucker said, man, John died.
01:40What?
01:41How he die?
01:42Went to sleep, didn't wake up.
01:45Was he sick?
01:46Was his chest hurt?
01:49Was he getting high?
01:52Give me some information, goddammit.
01:54Because that make me feel like that was fucking me, I'm next.
01:58That's why now, I don't give a fuck what's wrong with me, I go to the doctor.
02:02Splinter.
02:05Nosebleed.
02:07Backache.
02:09I run my wife crazy like a motherfucker, man.
02:11My chest, I had gas the other day, so motherfuckers, gas is a bitch.
02:16Man, that motherfucker hurt so goddamn bad, man.
02:19I couldn't even fart, that motherfucker so goddamn tight.
02:22You know you sick when you don't say shit, just look at me.
02:31That motherfucker sick.
02:33Man, I pass gas so goddamn hard, man.
02:36When you pass gas, that motherfucker change gears.
02:44That motherfucker sick.
02:46And you...
02:49My wife, you nasty bastard.
02:52Come on, take me to the hospital, take me to the hospital.
02:55I bump my knee, that motherfucker swole up, man.
02:58Come take me to the goddamn hospital.
03:00Fuck that, I go to the hospital, I don't give a fuck what it is.
03:02I will fuck another day.
03:04A sharp pain came through my left leg all the way up to my right arm.
03:07She said, oh, right there, right...
03:12Wipe your ass, come on, take me to the hospital.
03:16You know you sick when you stop fucking.
03:19You fucking, man, and all of a sudden, you get scared.
03:22Because I heard about motherfuckers dying, though.
03:25That's what my brother used to tell me.
03:27When I first started fucking, he said, man,
03:30a good piece of pussy in a cold glass of water kill a motherfucker.
03:35I said, no shit, no shit.
03:38First time I got some pussy, man, we fucking my ass off, right?
03:41Man, I'm laying in the bed.
03:44She said, you all right?
03:47I said, I'm good.
03:50She said, you want some water?
03:53I said to myself, this bitch trying to kill me.
04:00Man, we all laugh, man.
04:03See, me, we can't pass no gas like women.
04:06Women fart like a zombie while they cooking.
04:09Just break off...
04:13Oh, you heard that.
04:16You heard it.
04:19Nasty bitch, you got that?
04:22I heard it.
04:25Stankin' ass.
04:28Oh, man, you passed gas.
04:31You have been fucking and getting it from the back.
04:34That woman farted.
04:37You show you're a selfish motherfucker, you sure don't stop, do you?
04:40You just keep fucking, don't you?
04:43Keep fucking.
04:54You know I ain't lying.
04:57You know I ain't lying.
05:00You a goddamn liar.
05:03You don't say shit, but when you get in your car, you talk about the ass like a dog.
05:06See you later, Bernie.
05:09Gonna fart on my dick and shit.
05:16I'm gonna kick you in the crack of your ass.
05:19Oh, we got double standards.
05:22Women are motherfuckers.
05:25Like tonight, look around, women be looking good.
05:28Y'all got all your shit on, makeup on, your girl on, your bra on,
05:31your hair on, shoes too goddamn small.
05:34Boy, y'all the first hour and a half, you motherfuckers walking strong.
05:37Boy, that motherfucker start throbbing two hours.
05:40Those shoes choking the shit out your goddamn feet.
05:43Those bunions bleeding like a motherfucker.
05:46That little black toenail, that little motherfucker toenail
05:49with a little piece of nail on that motherfucker.
05:52Swollen like a son of a bitch.
05:55Boy, when they get home, y'all can't wait to take off those goddamn clothes.
05:58Y'all had to snap all between your legs and all that kind of shit.
06:01Boy, just watch your woman tonight when she go home.
06:04And take off that goddamn clothes.
06:07Man, that ass gonna be itching like a motherfucker.
06:10When they all snap that goddamn bra,
06:13start scratching underneath those titties.
06:16Shit!
06:22Goddamn!
06:25You know I ain't lying.
06:28I just be watching.
06:31You pay a price to look good like a motherfucker, don't you?
06:34No, man, I like old fun.
06:37See, we having fun.
06:40Young cats don't have no fun no more.
06:43See, mother asked me, man, Bernie, you look about 30-some, I'm 43.
06:46Mother said, Bernie, you look about 30-some.
06:49I said, that's good, that's a compliment.
06:52I don't want to be no 30-some.
06:55I don't want to be no 20-some.
06:58I don't want to be no 20-some, bitches.
07:01You new jack motherfuckers ain't got the sense God gave a picture.
07:04They don't know how to have no motherfucking fun.
07:07See, old parents, I like old parents.
07:10New parents are punk-ass parents.
07:13You know, the kids tell you what the fuck they ain't gonna do.
07:16I ain't gonna eat that. Ain't that a bitch?
07:19I'll break your motherfucking jaw, you tell me I ain't gonna eat nothing.
07:22You sure they ain't gonna eat nothing?
07:25They ain't gonna eat nothing.
07:31You hungry?
07:37Hit you in your motherfucking ear and give you a earache.
07:40See, you know motherfuckers, old parents used to fuck you up in front of company.
07:43They hit you underneath your teeth.
07:46Make your teeth clatter and shit.
07:49You bite the back of your motherfucking tongue.
07:52You know motherfuckers don't cry no more.
07:55See, motherfuckers, they ain't got the fear.
07:58Motherfuckers don't shed no goddamn tears no more.
08:01We used to cry.
08:04Motherfucker tell you you're gonna whoop a man, fuck you up.
08:07My mama used to fuck, see, the old parents used to fuck you up with that old psychology.
08:10You know, my mama used to tell me, when your daddy get home,
08:13I'm gonna have him whoop your ass.
08:16Now go on outside and play.
08:19How the fuck you gonna play under some pressure like that?
08:22You can't play no baseball like that, man.
08:25I be in the field, the ball be coming there to me.
08:28Fuck that goddamn ball, man.
08:31Catch the ball, bird.
08:34Fuck that ball.
08:37I'm gonna get a whooping at 5 o'clock.
08:40I can't concentrate.
08:43Man, when I come home, you know you're gonna get in trouble.
08:46I used to be in line.
08:49There was about 13 of us in one house.
08:52So we were like a motherfucking choir.
08:55Boy, you knew you were gonna get a whooping.
08:58All you had to do was look at the faces on your brother and sister.
09:01What is wrong? What is wrong?
09:04That's when they sing that song, look at this motherfucker here.
09:07He did that shit on purpose.
09:10I ain't gonna give that motherfucker no energy.
09:13He ain't got no goddamn whoopers either.
09:16You know a motherfucker ain't crying.
09:19Let me tell you about a cry.
09:22You know when you used to cry?
09:25When your mama whooped your motherfucking ass
09:28and with the first lick, you holler.
09:31Then it'd be a 7-second pause.
09:34After that 7-second pause, it'd be a scream.
09:37That's a motherfucker cry.
09:40You see these new kids crying like that?
09:43You see my...
09:46That's crying.
09:49Motherfucker, when you get fucking hurt,
09:52you all right, you all right,
09:55you all right, you all right,
09:58you all right, you all right,
10:01you all right, you all right,
10:04you all right.
10:07Motherfucker, when you get fucking hurt,
10:10you all right to the motherfucker ask you what's wrong?
10:13That's a whooping.
10:16When you get a whooping, you try to be strong.
10:19Don't say nothing to the motherfucker now.
10:22When your mama got the whooping in your ass,
10:25you be trying to be strong when you get around your brother.
10:28You all right?
10:31Motherfucker, you scared the fuck out of you.
10:34My mama tell me that old stupid shit.
10:37She used to say stupid shit to my brothers and sisters.
10:40That was the first time I started cussing.
10:43I was about 4 years fucking old.
10:46No, man, I ain't never been no dumb son of a bitch.
10:49I ain't no motherfucking genius.
10:52And I ain't no dummy.
10:55But I'm closer to being a genius.
10:58Well, I'm closer to being a genius
11:01than a motherfucking dummy.
11:04Mama tell your brother and them,
11:07go outside and find me a switch
11:10to whoop your motherfucking ass.
11:13My brothers and sisters be all outside looking for shit.
11:16I'm 4 years old.
11:19I said, look at these dumb son of bitches.
11:22Now I wish my mama...
11:25My mama asked me, she said,
11:28you know, I'm tired of you.
11:31Go outside and find me something to beat your ass with.
11:34I just looked at her.
11:37She said, you hear what I said?
11:40I said, I heard what the fuck you said.
11:43Who you talking to?
11:46I said, who the fuck up in here?
11:49I'm not going to find a motherfucking thing.
11:52I ain't going to find you something to hit me with.
11:55You crazy or something, bitch.
11:58You do your own labor.
12:01My brother said, don't say that.
12:04I said, fuck her.
12:07I'm going to get a whooping anyway,
12:10so fuck her, you know.
12:13I ain't going to find you shit to hit me with.
12:16But our stupid ass used to do the shit.
12:19See, mama don't come to class, nah.
12:22They come to class, not my son, uh-uh.
12:25No, no he didn't.
12:28Better fix this motherfucker, better fix him.
12:31No, no he didn't.
12:34See, my mother used to come and sneak up on you.
12:37Remember how your mama just come walking in the motherfucking class?
12:40Had that wig on, be cocked to the side.
12:43Everybody be mumbling, who mama that, who mama that?
12:46You can always tell who motherfucking mama that
12:49because they be playing like they busy.
12:57Oh, that's your motherfucking mama.
13:00That's your mama.
13:03Church, people don't know the Lord.
13:06People don't even pray, you know.
13:09I don't understand what's going on,
13:12but I know back in the day, man,
13:15she gonna tell me, uh, I'm not eating
13:18and I'm going on a hunger strike.
13:21Bitch, who give a fuck?
13:24You ain't hurting me.
13:27I hope you don't eat till your motherfucking ass
13:30get lightheaded just walking and just fall the fuck out.
13:38Yeah, don't eat, no, don't eat shit around here.
13:41I'm chilling out here.
13:44See, you know, women like to showcase shit all the time.
13:47Don't say that. Women fuck me up, too.
13:50You know, especially with the kids.
13:53Come here, baby. Motherfucker 18 years old.
13:56Come, come, that's my baby. His dick get harder than mine.
13:59He ain't no goddamn baby.
14:02Then women say, come here, baby,
14:05then argue with their husband.
14:08Be a man. Make up your motherfucking mind
14:11and go.
14:14See, women, y'all got to see that pussy is a bitch.
14:17Pussy been killing this world for a long time.
14:20Now I'm so sick of pussy, I don't know what to do, man.
14:23That pink motherfucker make me sick.
14:26That pink bastard ain't nothing but a goddamn drug.
14:29Don't tell me I'm wearing the patch right goddamn now.
14:37No, man, pussy, pussy.
14:40They all backstage. Titty out.
14:43No drawers on.
14:46Every time somebody offer you some pussy,
14:49they think men just want to fuck it.
14:52I suck your dick like I ain't never had my dick sucked before.
14:55You suck that motherfucker and make my nut come up to my goddamn chest.
14:58You a hell of a motherfucker.
15:01My wife tell me, put some candles on.
15:04Put some motherfucking slow music on.
15:07Fuck all that.
15:10I'll fuck you with the news on. I don't need all that bullshit.
15:17We serving one purpose.
15:20That's a nut.
15:23That bastard ain't nothing but three and a half, four motherfucking seconds.
15:26A nut ain't shit. Think about it.
15:29You bust your ass off for a four and a half second nut.
15:32You got to be a sick motherfucker.
15:36It couldn't be no 15-second nut.
15:39It'd be some drop-dead motherfucking around here, man.
15:42Can you imagine a 20-second nut?
15:45Just...
15:58You'd be a falling-out motherfucker.
16:01And the shit's all unbalanced.
16:04Think about it.
16:07Nut is unbalanced.
16:10Women nut all four, five, six, seven goddamn times.
16:13That's some unfair shit.
16:16Fuck that.
16:19That shit ain't right.
16:22God knows he put a curse on our motherfucking ass, boy.
16:25But when we bust that nut, the fuck is over.
16:28I know for me, you in bad shape fucking with me.
16:31When I get mine, I don't give a fuck what you say.
16:34You done lost.
16:37You can be mad like a motherfucker.
16:40You ain't shit. That's all right.
16:46My wife gonna tell me, I'm gonna get a young man.
16:49Go get that motherfucker.
16:52I'll watch. I'll watch like a motherfucker.
16:55A nut is a bitch.
16:58Women get six, seven nuts.
17:01We can't fake it.
17:04A woman can fake a nut.
17:07Oh, shit.
17:10Daddy.
17:13Oh, daddy.
17:16How we gonna fake this shit?
17:19We can't fake it.
17:22Oh!
17:25When we try to fake it,
17:28all you gotta do is listen to the man.
17:31Listen to the man, how we breathe.
17:34Tell all on our ass.
17:37Because the breathing gonna get stronger and stronger.
17:40Whew!
17:43Whew!
17:46Whew!
17:49Whew!
17:52That's it.
17:55Oh, you done came.
17:58I think that's a bitch.
18:01You know, I'm tired. I've been working overtime. I'm tired.
18:04Give me 30 minutes.
18:0730 minutes, you'd be asleep.
18:10Oh, but it's double standards.
18:13See, we can't do, you know, men can't do like women.
18:16You ever had an argument with your woman, man,
18:19she didn't speak to your ass for like 2 1â2 weeks?
18:22That motherfucker mad.
18:25That house is discombobulated.
18:28Man, when that motherfucker woman get mad at your ass
18:31for 2 1â2 weeks, not no 2, 3 days,
18:34you got a fucked up problem.
18:37That motherfucker get so goddamn mad,
18:40she cook for everybody in the house but your ass.
18:43Your kids eating and shit.
18:46You come home, kids eating like a son of a bitch.
18:49You sitting up there, ain't shit left for you.
18:52You ask the kids, let me get a bite, baby.
18:55This all she cook, daddy.
18:58You know that's some bullshit.
19:01Who the fuck you know just cook three chicken wings, man?
19:04Don't nobody butter no motherfucker three goddamn wings.
19:07Selfish son of a bitch.
19:10Walking down the hallway, she coming this way, you coming that way,
19:13and both of y'all just scoot by each other like that there.
19:16When you go to bed, you sleep on that end, she sleep on this end.
19:19When your leg touch her leg, she scoot the fuck almost out the bed.
19:22You got a problem.
19:25Man, a woman got the power.
19:28But a whole week go by, you can't make up, bro.
19:31You can't do it, because you a punk.
19:34Both of y'all want to make up,
19:37but when you see the first son of a bitch to make up,
19:40she wants some dick, you want some pussy, bad motherfucker.
19:43Well, who gonna give in?
19:46But see, they got the power.
19:49They walk around the house.
19:52This some dirty motherfuckers, man.
19:55They walk around the house with some rag-ass panties and bra.
19:58Panty got a big old hole right here.
20:01They walking around that motherfucker.
20:04Your dick so hard, puss coming out that motherfucker.
20:15She sitting up there, man, her dirty ass gonna walk past you
20:18while you watching the game.
20:21She gonna finally say something to you after a week and a half.
20:24Yeah.
20:27You seen the TV, guy?
20:30Oh, here it is, here it is.
20:33You dirty motherfucker, you.
20:36Then she go in the washroom, your dick leaking.
20:39That motherfucker leaking.
20:42You go in the washroom.
20:45You got to go and follow.
20:48You got to.
20:51Just be her.
20:54You go in the bedroom with her like you looking for something,
20:57you know.
21:00Bullshit.
21:03Yeah.
21:06Why you do me like that?
21:09You did me like that.
21:12You were playing with me, you did it too, you did it too.
21:15Bullshit.
21:18Grown-ups ain't nothing but some big-ass kids.
21:21Kids ain't nothing but some little motherfucking adults.
21:24I don't give a fuck how you slice it up,
21:27I ain't even trying to convince you.
21:30We all liars.
21:33Look at you.
21:36Everybody try to play you a good person.
21:39You go to church on Sunday,
21:42see if you forget what the fuck you did on Monday.
21:45You suck dick on Saturday night.
21:48Oh, you suck a dick, you know you suck dick.
21:51Get that chicken head on.
21:54Right there. I had a woman, man, a long time ago, a long time ago. She was good people.
22:00You know, remember when you were young? See, now you're older. I don't do that kind of
22:04shit no more, you know. But when I was older, man, you say, man, I'm gonna suck your dick.
22:07Man, didn't make no difference which way the wind blew, as long as I got to breathe.
22:11There could be ugly one eye and a motherfucking middle of their fucking head.
22:18Suck it, suck it. You better not bite it. You better not bite it. I had a woman, man,
22:23she was toe off the page, but she was good people. Good people. Her front teeth was cracked
22:30at a 45 degree angle, but she was good people. She was good people. Nice person, nice person.
22:36First time she, first time I ever had hair in my life, man. I knew her, didn't have no business
22:40fucking around. She was ugly, but she was good people. Like I said, she was good people. Her
22:44teeth was jagged. Like she bit a brick, you know what I mean? She would give me head, man. I'm
22:50telling you, man. See, when you're young, you don't give a fuck. It was killing me. My stupid
22:56ass wouldn't say nothing. You know, I'm just letting... These motherfuckers, I had to tell her,
23:03I said, you're cutting it, you're cutting it. She was good people though. Well, you know when some
23:24shit make you laugh, man, you sick than a motherfucker, ain't it? Oh man, I'm just telling
23:36like it is. That's why, you know, one thing that I don't like, nah man, like black churches. Black
23:42churches get on my motherfucking nerve. You know, because like churches, nah man, it's a bunch of
23:47bullshit. Like liquor store, they don't have motherfucking corn. You know, that's why funerals.
23:51I like white people. When you die, the next day, they see what you're in. They bury your
23:58motherfucking ass and go about their goddamn business. They're right. Fuck you sitting around
24:03black funerals, be four fucking days. You die on Friday, you got the wake, visitation, funeral,
24:12then the fucking burial. Four fucking days fucking around this son of a bitch. He can't do shit,
24:19fuck me. What type of shit is that? Some of my bitch, four days, the wake, I ain't never understood
24:25no wake. What the fuck black folk be going to the wake for? Just sitting there, coughing 10 feet in
24:31front of you. Look at this motherfucker. Just look at him. And every now and then it look like he
24:38breathing. Every now and then like this motherfucker. Something wrong. And black folks love, I don't know,
24:53what it is about my people. There's always somebody in our family love to tell you how a
24:58motherfucker died. Over in that old voodoo southern Mississippi country ass shit. Always got to tell
25:06you how a motherfucker died. How he died. Girl, it was raining and thunder and lightning. And I was upstairs in the room. I was rolling my hair and I heard a noise. And I said, what the fuck is that? I went downstairs and I looked, I just saw some legs. He was laying on the floor. He was dead. I was so nervous I called 11-9. I ain't
25:34snapping three days. I'm telling you, I never, it was raining so hard, girl, scared the shit out of me. I was rolling my hair. I heard a noise. And I thought somebody was breaking in. I got my pistol. I walked down there and I called, I said,
25:47save me, save me. But I didn't hear nothing. I walked down there and there he was, laying there dead. I'll never forget. I didn't even get through rolling my hair. And I heard a noise. I said, somebody breaking in this motherfucker, you know. And I walked downstairs and there he was, against the
26:10door. Him was dead. I didn't even get through folding the back of my hair. I did three rollers. And I just heard something. And I said, somebody done fell, you know. I didn't go down right away. But when I went down there, I saw his eyes going in the back of his head. I said, this motherfucker dead. Girl, I'm telling you, I threw those motherfucking rollers. I just got my hair done early that day. And I just rolled the top, because she had to roll the top. And I just rolled the top, because she had to roll the top. And I just rolled the top, because she had to roll the top. And I just rolled the top, because she had to roll the top. And I just rolled the top, because she had to roll the top. And I just rolled the top, because she had to roll the top. And I just rolled the top, because she had to roll the top. And I just rolled the top, because she had to roll the top. And I
26:40hit a new high. And I heard some noise. And I said, I didn't go right away. I said, somebody must have gone up the stairs. And I
26:51went down and I look, I didn't see nobody. And I saw his leg land on side, that motherfucker was dead. I didn't even roll this side of my hair.
27:00I didn't get this side. I just got the front right here. And I heard a noise. And I said, bitch, if you tell that goddamn story. One more
27:09goddamn time. I'm gonna hit you all up in your titties. I'm not bullshitting.
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