- 8/14/2024
w/ Tom Ballard, Luke McGregor, Nikki Britton
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello there and welcome to another episode of Guy Montgomery's Guyamon Spelling Bee,
00:27the premier educational, entertainment and news show here on the ABC.
00:32ABC of course standing for Always Be Spelling.
00:36Tonight we have assembled four of Australia's best and brightest comedians who stand on
00:41the shoulders of years and years of graft that has all been leading to this.
00:45An appearance on a comedy spelling show that if they win will see them awarded this novelty
00:49sized one way ticket to spell some more next episode.
00:57That promises to be a fantastic moment for one of our contestants.
01:01While that happens the other three will be scrambling around amongst themselves trying
01:04to ensure they don't finish last.
01:06For a last place finish sends you not just back to the beginning of your comedy career
01:10but also deep into the corner of banishment to sit on the dunce's chair and wear the dunce's
01:17hats.
01:18The tall narrow conical hat has really fallen out of fashion.
01:27Now let's say hello to tonight's spellers.
01:29We have Tom Bella, Luke McGregor, Nicky Britton and of course our reigning champion Will Anderson.
01:43Enough pleasantries and revelry, let's get spelling.
01:51It is time of course for the Spelling Round, a round of spelling.
01:56Along this line of logic the whole show could have been called the Spelling Round but then
01:59of course it wouldn't have my name in it twice.
02:02In this round our spellers will each be afforded the chance to spell one word.
02:07How many points that word is worth will correlate directly to how difficult the word they choose
02:12is.
02:13The Coward's Cup is a little sippy cup that I've re-appropriated from a child.
02:17It is full of words for cowards, easy words for an easy point and all it'll cost you is
02:23outing yourself as a wuss on national television.
02:26This lovely clutch we see here is the person's purse.
02:29I sold it from an English professor and while I had no cash in it, it was full of medium
02:35difficulty words.
02:36Words a person could reasonably be expected to know how to spell.
02:40One of these words spelled correctly will afford you two points.
02:43And finally the Bucket of Bravery, a lovely pail that I took from a young couple called
02:48Jack and Jill who appear to have recently suffered some head trauma at the bottom of
02:52a hill.
02:53It's chock-a-block with difficult to spell words.
02:56If you select the bucket and spell your word correctly, you'll get three points.
03:01Our first contestant tonightly is a former radio and television host who's managed to
03:05whittle those jobs down to very good stand-up comedian, please welcome Tom Bello!
03:12Tom!
03:13Hello guys!
03:14It says here you are both extremely left-wing and also queer.
03:22Could you settle this question for our viewers once and for all, which of these is a gateway
03:26drug for the other?
03:28I like to view them as a package deal to be honest, and I don't trust right-wing gay
03:37people.
03:38I think they're wrong.
03:40How can you be suckin' d*** and feel like you're still fighting for traditional family
03:43values?
03:44I can answer this one if you want.
03:49Tom, were you ducks or something at your school?
03:53Were you very intelligent?
03:54Well, I was ducks of the southwest region of Victoria.
03:58Wow!
03:59And was spelling part of your intelligence?
04:01You feel like a good speller?
04:02I was certainly much more English-based, and I did no maths or science at all in my year
04:0712.
04:08So yes, I love reading in the English language.
04:10Y-E-S.
04:11Does that answer your question?
04:12It certainly does.
04:13And this of course is our maths and science episode.
04:15Well Tom, it's lovely to have you with us.
04:19Which receptacle would you like to spell from?
04:21I think I'll just go with the person's purse please.
04:23The person's purse?
04:24Yes, please.
04:25You got it.
04:26From the person's purse, your word is sycophant.
04:30Hmm.
04:31A person, you say?
04:36Could I have a definition please?
04:38You can.
04:39A boot-licking loser.
04:42I would never, except with Luke, who I know has impeccable taste in boots.
04:46And I gotta be honest, I'd love to lick him.
04:53Sycophant.
04:55S-Y-C-O-P-H-A-N-T.
05:00That is correct!
05:04Congratulations Tom.
05:06Our second contestant burst onto the scene as a sex symbol with his 2016 documentary
05:11Lukewarm Sex, and has been working tirelessly ever since to rebrand as a comedian, it's
05:17Luke McGregor!
05:22Luke, you are best known for your booming baritone voice and social confidence.
05:31Are you looking forward to alpha-dogging these other contestants?
05:37Yes!
05:42Well it's so good to have you with us.
05:44When was the last time you had to spell a word out loud?
05:46Yesterday in court.
05:50I haven't, to be honest.
05:52I, on the way, he was talking to my wife and said, is necessary two C's, two S's, or is
05:58it two S's and one S, two C's and one S, oh god.
06:02I will take the small cup please.
06:05Do you want to get straight into it?
06:06Do you want a word from the couch?
06:07No, no, I'm happy to do more banter.
06:17We'll get into it.
06:18Oh no, give me the middle one, the purse.
06:23From the person's purse, your word is privilege.
06:28Really?
06:32Can I hear it in a sentence please?
06:34It has been the absolute privilege of my life to meet you and remind you that your rent is
06:39due on Wednesday.
06:42Privilege, is it V-A or V-E?
06:46I'm trying to picture the red squiggly line on my head.
06:52P-R-I-V-A-L-E-D-G-E?
06:58That is incorrect.
07:01I'm sorry Luke, privilege is spelt P-R-I.
07:12Privilege is spelt P-R-I-V-I-L-E-G-E.
07:18It says you.
07:22Our third contestant is a comedian, actor, playwright, published author
07:26and rounding out her nerdy CV by spelling some words tonight,
07:29it's Nicky Britton!
07:35Nicky Britton, for someone with a very English sounding name,
07:39your family made an absolute dog's breakfast of spelling Britton.
07:43B-R-I-T-T-O-N, have you just come on my show to take the frigging piss?
07:50Honestly, we don't know where we're from.
07:53It might be Brittany in France, there's a little bit in there,
07:57but there's also maybe some German.
07:59They were terrible spellers though, that's what we can be sure of.
08:02Have you ever said, it's Britain, bitch?
08:06Not enough, honestly, yeah.
08:08Luke, you're doing better bandit for Nicky sections than you are.
08:12It's classic alpha dog McGregor.
08:15It's just such a privilege to be here.
08:18All right, Nicky, which receptacle would you like to spell from?
08:22Let's do the bucket of bravery.
08:24Really?
08:30From the bucket of bravery, your words.
08:33From the bucket of bravery, your word is...
08:38Oh, my God!
08:41Now, if you're having trouble, I remind you,
08:43you can ask for a language of origin, a definition,
08:45or to hear the word in a sentence.
08:47I reckon I'll go for all three.
08:49OK, language of origin, Australian Latin.
08:54Definition, a family of animals which include the echidna,
08:57and three other types of echidna.
09:00I didn't think they'd make it easier for both themselves and you,
09:03the speller, by calling the family the echidna family,
09:06but alas, they went with tachyglossodont.
09:09And in a sentence, when I saw the echidna smoker
09:12durry indoors at my kid's birthday party,
09:14I thought, gee, that is one tachy, tachyglossodont.
09:26Yeah, OK, tea.
09:29Yeah.
09:32They don't know that.
09:35T-A-C-H-Y.
09:39Tea.
09:40L-O...
09:44..S-S-O...
09:47Glosso... D-I-N-E.
09:49That is incorrect.
09:51I've got to tell you, you were on a very hot streak there.
09:54Tachyglossodont is spelt T-A-C-H-Y-G-L-O-S-S-I-D-A-E.
10:01Oh!
10:02Oh, there's no... I thought you were saying dine.
10:05No, I was saying die.
10:07OK, all right.
10:09A familiar face to all who watched the last episode,
10:12and if you didn't, you'll probably still recognise him,
10:14it's Will Anderson!
10:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
10:18Will!
10:20In the last episode, you successfully swatted away
10:23three younger comedians who were all desperate
10:25for a bit more screen time on TV.
10:28Must feel good to be back.
10:32I never went away, guys.
10:35No, I mean, I am as surprised as anyone that I am here.
10:38It feels like the ABC's just contractually obliged
10:41to have me in 25% of all panel shows on this network,
10:45and so I've just got to be here for one more,
10:47and then they can try to replace me unsuccessfully
10:50with Tom Bellard again.
10:53Have you got any advice for this new line-up of contestants?
10:56Do you have anything to tell them?
10:58I don't have a lot of great advice, honestly.
11:00I mean, just have a great time, guys.
11:02I really have stuff to do next week,
11:04so if one of you could really bring this home...
11:11..I honestly need a break.
11:14Well, which receptacle would you like to spell for us?
11:17Just person's purse for me.
11:19From the person's purse, your word is...
11:24Philanderer. OK.
11:26Firstly, can I have it in a sentence, please?
11:28You know my boy Tom is a serial philanderer.
11:31All brand, special K, cornflakes, he's had sex with them all.
11:39Is that about me?
11:41It could be any Tom.
11:43But I saw your dressing room was full of boxes.
11:47Origin, can I have the origin, please?
11:50Language of origin, legend.
11:57All right, philanderer.
11:59I'm going to go with P-H-I-L-A-N-D-E-R-E-R.
12:05That is correct!
12:09How about that?
12:11With our first round in the books,
12:13I like to think we all know a little more about our spellers
12:16and a lot more about the magic of language.
12:18And Tom and Will have magicked up language to their advantage
12:21as they both take an early lead with two points.
12:26It would, however, be both rude and unfair
12:30to linger on that for too long.
12:32If only there was a way to magic up some points
12:34for all of our contestants.
12:37The Spelling Spell.
12:39Sadly, this is not a magic spell
12:41to cure the feeble minds of our weakest spellers,
12:43rather a cleverly themed round
12:45to trade on the remarkable powers
12:47of one of Australia's foremost magicians.
12:49It is a great honour to be working with Aaron Chen,
12:52the Magnificent!
12:59G'day, guy.
13:01Who the hell are you calling magnificent?
13:04Who the hell are you calling magnificent?
13:07I'm calling you Aaron Chen, the Magnificent.
13:09It's what it says on this business card you gave me.
13:12Oh, yeah, but that's my business card for business.
13:15I'm magnificent at business.
13:20This is my real card.
13:26But this card, this says nothing on this card.
13:28Oh, really, guy?
13:34APPLAUSE
13:37Magician Aaron Chen.
13:40Awesome name.
13:42What did you just say?
13:44I said, awesome name.
13:51Oh!
13:55This guy's good.
13:59Do you want to hear a riddle, guy?
14:01Yeah, sure thing, man.
14:03I'll hear a riddle.
14:05I make people's money disappear,
14:08but I'm not a thief,
14:10and people get upset at me when I don't trick them.
14:14Who am I?
14:19Are you a magician?
14:21Yep.
14:28In this round, magician Aaron Chen
14:30will conjure an item from his magician's hat.
14:32If you like the item straight away,
14:34you may spell it to the value of one point.
14:36If you think it's too easy or just plain don't like it,
14:39you may ask him to perform the spelling spell,
14:41putting the item back in the hat
14:43before using his mystical powers to conjure a second item,
14:46which will double its points value to two points.
14:49If you don't like that or want to see more magic,
14:52just tell Aaron, and once more,
14:54he will cast a spell for you to spell.
14:56The third and final conjuring
14:58will see him produce an item worth four points.
15:01But tread carefully.
15:03Once an item has been conjured, you may not change it back,
15:06and the opportunity to spell the previous word is gone forever.
15:11So, Tom, both myself and the Loving Spoonful have just got to know,
15:16do you believe in magic?
15:24Yes, I believe in magic, Guy.
15:26Well, this will be a great round for you, then.
15:28Are you ready, Magician Aaron?
15:30I'm feeling, um, amazing.
15:34That was almost more spooky than magic.
15:38Are you ready, Tom?
15:40Yes, please, Aaron Chan.
15:41Well, let's see your first conjuring.
15:46Oh!
15:48Looks like you got yourself a DVD.
15:51Yeah.
15:55Worth one point.
15:56If you need some help, you can also ask for a language of origin,
15:58a definition, or for Aaron to perform the spelling spell once more.
16:02I think I'll go for a spelling spell, please, Guy.
16:04Greedy. OK.
16:06I'll put this DVD back in the hat, and I will say...
16:10Um...
16:12Good on ya.
16:15Oh!
16:17A Blu-ray!
16:22Your word is now Blu-ray.
16:27I'll go the spelling spell again, please, Guy.
16:29All right. Um...
16:34Oh!
16:35Looks like Aaron has conjured a zoopraxiscope.
16:45Your word is zoopraxiscope.
16:47Yeah, go...
16:50Can I have a definition, please?
16:52In my opinion, the only way to watch Oppenheimer.
17:00Zoopraxiscope.
17:02Z-O-O-P-R-A-X-I-S-C-O-P-E.
17:09That is...correct!
17:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:18Luke, my man, do you like this magic shit?
17:23I love it. Yeah?
17:25Yeah, I play Magic the Gathering.
17:28This is right up your street. Do you want to see it happen?
17:30Yeah. Aaron, can you please perform some magic, please?
17:33Well, for you, Luke, I am going to tap this manor and...
17:38That's kind of a reference to what he was talking about.
17:41Well, the Magic the Gathering fans are going to love that.
17:45Oh!
17:46Looks like you've conjured a pair of...glasses.
17:51Your word is glasses.
17:53It's tempting.
17:55Aaron, can you please tap that hat one more time?
18:04Oh!
18:06Looks like Aaron's conjured some bifocals.
18:10Your word is bifocals.
18:15I mean, if that's the second one...
18:17Bifocals?
18:19Oh, Aaron, hit the hat one more time.
18:22Oh!
18:24I'm worried this is going to affect my ability to get scripts up.
18:30Well, you'll need a script if you want to get bifocals.
18:37What have you conjured there?
18:39Oh!
18:41Launettes.
18:50Finally, an item I use daily.
18:53Definition?
18:55Glasses for people who love the opera but don't have ears.
18:59Meaning they love the opera purely for the visuals.
19:07Launettes.
19:09L-A...
19:12Home stretch.
19:20U-N-Y-E-T-T-E-S.
19:29Launettes is spelt L-O-R-G-N-E-T-T-E-S.
19:36All right, Nicky.
19:38Are you ready to let some magic into your life?
19:41I try, every day. Just a little more magic, come on.
19:44I'm ready to let some chenny in.
19:51You've conjured some gold.
19:54Your word is gold.
19:55Gold.
19:57OK.
19:58I am going to ask for the spelling spell again.
20:01One more time, please.
20:06It looks like Aaron's conjured himself some frankincense.
20:10Ooh!
20:12Ooh.
20:14Oh!
20:16Ooh.
20:18Let's go again.
20:20You want to go again?
20:21Let's do it, let's do it.
20:22Very well.
20:28Oh, if I'm not mistaken, that is, of course, myrrh.
20:32I thought it might have been.
20:34How did you figure it out?
20:38Yeah, could I get a definition?
20:40You can.
20:41Last-minute panic gift picked up at Judy Free in Judea.
20:48M-Y-R-R-H.
20:55That is correct!
20:58APPLAUSE
21:02And finally, Will, how are you feeling?
21:05I'm feeling good about this.
21:07I like a bit of black magic.
21:09I appreciate this.
21:10I'm glad to be involved.
21:11I'm bored.
21:12Thank you for having me.
21:14Just to circle back to the boredom,
21:16is that current or sort of more in life?
21:19In life.
21:21I'm just trying to fill in my days until I die, guy.
21:27Just putting...
21:28Kind of a family show?
21:31Putting together a few new clips
21:33for the Highlights Reel at the Logies.
21:37Aaron?
21:38Yes?
21:39Could you please conjure me up something?
21:48That looks like a...
21:50It's a map.
21:54Your word is map.
21:55Now, just before I move on,
21:57I can get a definition for this as well, right?
21:59What, do you want to be an absolute team player?
22:06Just...
22:07Not locking it in, but just give us a definition, if you've got one.
22:11Definition.
22:12Piece of paper that I can read just fine
22:14without help from anyone else.
22:15Thank you very much, darling.
22:19As great as that was, I think I will go again, if that's all right.
22:22Yeah? Yes.
22:26LAUGHTER
22:34How was that the best bit?
22:43Oh!
22:47It looks like Aaron has conjured a cutlass.
22:52Your word is cutlass.
22:54You know what, I feel like I would be gutless
22:56if I didn't go another one, so let's go again.
22:58All right.
23:05Someone just died.
23:10And knowing the ABC, it's probably Costa from Gardening.
23:16They reckon you're Costa.
23:18LAUGHTER
23:23It's the guy who does Randy.
23:36If I'm not mistaken, that is a budgerigar.
23:39Your word is budgerigar.
23:41Oh!
23:43All right.
23:44Can you give me the definition of budgerigar?
23:46Preferred bird of the Australian pirate.
23:52Can you tell me the origin?
23:54Worryingly small cage.
24:01Oh, I don't know.
24:02B-U-D-G-I-R-I-G-A-H?
24:11I don't know.
24:13That is incorrect.
24:15I'm so sorry.
24:16It is spelled B-U-D-G-E-R-I-G-A-H.
24:21Well, consider me blown away,
24:23not just by the spelling on display,
24:24but also by the spellbinding magic of magician Aaron Chen.
24:31Thank you very much, Guy.
24:33I also do children's parties.
24:35Oh, well.
24:37If you want to celebrate a magic milestone
24:39of one of your young ones with real magic,
24:41make sure to look up...
24:42No, I'm not talking about magic.
24:43I do catering at children's parties.
24:46It's on the business card.
24:48Oh, it does too.
24:50Magnificent catering.
24:53All right, with that round under our belt,
24:56it looks like Tom is out in front with six points,
24:59but there's still so much to play for,
25:01and now it's time for a very exciting mini-game
25:05that I'm certain will have all of our spellers
25:07and indeed the audience on high alert.
25:14That's right.
25:15Can't be much more efficient
25:16in summing up the game than that.
25:18Spell the ethnicity.
25:22In this straightforward round,
25:24we have a model behind that curtain.
25:30Shut up.
25:32This is a trap.
25:35The curtain will open up,
25:36and all of our spellers will then guess
25:38and spell the ethnicity.
25:40No!
25:42No!
25:45How's everyone feeling about playing?
25:48It's not a very diverse panel for starters.
25:51Look, I know it sounds stressful,
25:53but if you take one look at them,
25:54it should be very clear which ethnicity they are.
25:59And now for the big reveal.
26:09Get to work.
26:10Start spelling.
26:11You've got 30 seconds to make your guess.
26:12You may not talk to the model,
26:14as it's now time to hear from tonight's sponsor.
26:17This week is sponsored by
26:19undies with the day of the week on them.
26:22Elastic meets the Gregorian calendar
26:24with this new line of attire
26:26that's as fashionable as it is informative.
26:29Going through your day and briefly forgot what day it is?
26:32Just pull down your pants in the middle of the office
26:34and take a quick look.
26:36You can even switch things up.
26:37Wear your Saturday undies on a Monday
26:39while the rest of your body's stuck at the office
26:41your undercarriage thinks it's the weekend.
26:44Hell, you can get that Friday feeling every day
26:47by never changing your undies.
26:50All thanks to undies with the day of the week on them.
26:56Right.
26:59Well, that seems enough time
27:01to write down the name of an ethnicity
27:03or at least a ballpark continent.
27:06And we'll start with you, Tom.
27:08Oh, well, I just said Spanish.
27:11Where'd you get that from?
27:13He's got the little thing there for bullfighting
27:16and it feels like a bullfighting jacket
27:18and the rest of it's nonsense.
27:21That's pretty disparaging of several cultures.
27:27Luke, what have you gone for?
27:28He's got a kilt, so I said Scottish.
27:31That's a fair enough guess.
27:32You chose to ignore all the other stuff?
27:33Well, I'm Scottish and I've seen him at the club.
27:39What have you got, Nicky?
27:40Is this allowed? European.
27:42European.
27:43Just general European.
27:46I have spent enough time with men from other countries
27:50to know there's a stitch-up here.
27:52What I think he's really looking for is a visa.
27:57I've been fooled more than once.
27:59European, OK.
28:00Will, what have you done?
28:01I ignored all the things that he was wearing
28:04and just assumed it would be you
28:06just roping in another of your mates
28:08over some junket to Australia,
28:09so I said New Zealand, the Aldi Australia.
28:15All right.
28:18So we'll get them all up one more time, please.
28:20We've got Spanish, Scottish, European,
28:24and Will with New Zealand.
28:26Well, some absolutely insane guesses there,
28:29but sadly no-one could get it right.
28:32I thought we made it too easy, but apparently not.
28:34But, of course, the correct ethnicity was Australian.
28:42And you can always tell by the nose.
28:48Let's hear it for Amado!
28:52And as they leave the studio to continue the adventure of life,
28:56we've got four adventures for you right here, right now.
29:04That's right.
29:05It's time for each of you to spell your own adventure.
29:07In our spelling library, you'll see there are four titles
29:10for the latest and greatest in spelling adventure books.
29:13Each of them is a distinct and lively genre.
29:15And to help us through this round,
29:17it is a pleasure to welcome the legendary librarian himself,
29:20Aaron Che!
29:26Of course.
29:28Of course.
29:30Sorry, Aaron.
29:31I think the people are trying to read back there, guy.
29:34Behind that wall?
29:36Yeah.
29:37This studio backs up onto the state library of Australia.
29:44I say people are reading, but actually they're mostly
29:47like backpackers using the internet to print train tickets
29:50and stuff like that.
29:52OK.
29:53In that case, I'll return to perform again
29:55at a normal television volume.
29:57Contestants, next to Aaron, you'll see the covers
30:00written by Guy Montgomery.
30:02These books require you to make decisions
30:04in the form of spelling.
30:06At various junctures in the story, I'll give you the choice
30:08of two words to spell.
30:10Spell it correctly, you get a point, and your story continues.
30:13Spell it incorrectly, and you die.
30:18But beware, death comes not only in the form of poor spelling.
30:21If you make a wrong decision in your journey,
30:24even a correct spelling could lead to your perilous demise.
30:28To further immerse you in your chosen adventure,
30:30Aaron will also be doing some live foley in the studio.
30:36At a respectful volume, of course.
30:39Luke, you can choose your book first.
30:41Which of these four weighty tomes do you select?
30:44Planet of the Horny Apes?
30:46Prom Night Fantasy?
30:48Mafia Wedding?
30:50Or The HR Meeting?
30:53I will take The HR Meeting, please.
30:58Spell what you know.
31:04Well, in that case, I'll go The Horny Apes.
31:08Horny Apes?
31:09All right, Planet of the Horny Apes, then.
31:13The gravitational proximity alarm squawks into your Neuralink,
31:17giving you milliseconds to brace for impact.
31:19Thud!
31:20The impact of the crash knocks over a collection of jars.
31:29Your starship has crash-landed
31:30on the surface of an unrecognisable planet.
31:32The ship is surrounded on all sides by dense space jungle.
31:35Through the smoke of the wreckage,
31:37you see numerous eyes watching you,
31:39belonging to creatures that seem almost human, yet not quite.
31:43Do you...
31:44A, sprint for cover behind your busted fuselage,
31:47or B, give them the shakas?
31:56I would probably just give them the shakas.
32:00Your word is shakas.
32:03S...
32:05H...
32:06A-K-A-S?
32:08That is correct!
32:10You wobble your pinky and thumb,
32:12hoping they recognise the intergalactic symbol
32:15of being chillaxed.
32:18A laser blast rings out,
32:19but it's weird because there was no impact anywhere.
32:22You look at your shakas to realise there was an impact,
32:25and your thumb is gone.
32:27Another blast rings out and shares your pinky clean off.
32:30These aliens aren't chillaxed at all.
32:32They're psychos, and they've shot you in the shakas.
32:36You bleed out from your pinky and thumb.
32:39You got killed in the shakas, brah.
32:42We'll never find out how horny those apes were.
32:45No!
32:46And as the guy who wrote the book,
32:48they were pretty horny.
32:52I'm sorry, Luke, your adventure has come to an end.
32:54Next up, we have Will.
32:56Which book would you like?
32:57Well, I mean, I was actually fascinated by the HR meeting.
33:00I was looking forward to hearing what was about to happen.
33:03I was fascinated by the HR meeting.
33:05I was looking forward to hearing what was about,
33:07so let's find out now.
33:08The HR meeting it is.
33:09A door creaks open.
33:15Knocking over a collection of jars.
33:22You pick them up, apologising profusely.
33:25You've been called into the HR manager's office.
33:28Do you sit on the A, chair, or B, Ottoman?
33:34The chair.
33:35You want to sit on the chair?
33:36Yeah, sure.
33:37Your word is chair.
33:41C-H-A-I-R, chair.
33:44That is correct!
33:49You lower yourself into the chair
33:51and it immediately collapses beneath you.
33:53The upturned legs impale your chest.
33:58You die.
34:01Serves you right after the horrible things you said to Susan.
34:06Your adventure has sadly come to an end.
34:10I'd just like to assure the remaining players
34:12that we've written, like, proper whole books here.
34:16We've just had some bad luck so far.
34:19Alright, next up we have Nicky currently in second on four points.
34:23We have remaining the prom night fantasy or mafia wedding.
34:26I think I had a family wedding once that was...
34:30No members were in the mafia, but it was...
34:33There were multiple deaths.
34:37Of ego. Ego death.
34:39So let's go mafia wedding.
34:41Mafia wedding? Here we go.
34:44Did you change the starts of some of these books?
34:46Yeah, got to get more Foley into them.
34:49LAUGHTER
34:53Carrying the collection of jars you saw on the registry,
34:57you approach the godfather on this, the day of his daughter's wedding.
35:01A time where you can famously ask him for anything you want.
35:05You enter the room. His presence is intimidating.
35:08So intimidating...
35:12..you drop the collection of jars.
35:15APPLAUSE
35:20Do you ask the godfather for A, a large cash loan,
35:25or B, a special type of battery for your drone made from nickel cadmium?
35:31LAUGHTER
35:33Let's go with the first one.
35:36The loan?
35:37The loan, yeah, the loan.
35:39Are you sure?
35:42Are you sure you want to go for the loan?
35:45Yeah.
35:46Alright, it's your funeral.
35:48LAUGHTER
35:52Your word is loan.
35:57L-O-A-N.
36:01That is correct.
36:02Oh, yeah, OK, OK.
36:05The godfather smiles at you.
36:07Where do you want the money from?
36:11I only need a little godfather.
36:13I got to clear some debts to protect my family.
36:15You understand about family, don't you?
36:17Of course I understand about family.
36:20You think I don't understand family?
36:23No, not at all, you try to explain, but it's too late.
36:26The godfather calls in his right-hand man to come into the room.
36:30This guy thinks I don't understand about family.
36:34His right-hand man takes you away and gives you the old concrete shoes.
36:39He doesn't throw you in the ocean,
36:41he just makes you walk around with concrete shoes the whole wedding,
36:44and you die of humiliation.
36:46LAUGHTER
36:48APPLAUSE
36:51Tom, what book do you choose?
36:53The last one.
36:54Prom Night Fantasy?
36:55I'll go back to The Holy Apes if we can.
36:58I'll read it to you afterwards.
37:00LAUGHTER
37:04Prom Night Fantasy it is.
37:06You walk through the crowded school halls towards your locker.
37:10You need to do something to stand out.
37:12You are, after all, the only normal girl
37:14in a school full of mythical and fantastical creatures.
37:17As you go to open your locker, you hear a familiar voice.
37:20It's Craig, the bad boy of the school.
37:22Well, the bad half-boy, half-horse.
37:25LAUGHTER
37:27Because Craig is a centaur.
37:29Hey, he says.
37:31You turn, startled.
37:33Knocking over a collection of jars.
37:36LAUGHTER
37:39LAUGHTER
37:43Guy, what is the budget of this show?
37:45Well, Aaron bought the jars out of his own pocket.
37:48LAUGHTER
37:50That's why he's being so careful with it.
37:52LAUGHTER
37:54Do you...
37:55A, avoid eye contact because you are too shy,
37:59or B, engage the centaur in conversation?
38:03I'll take conversation, please, Guy.
38:05Nice!
38:06LAUGHTER
38:08Your word is conversation.
38:10C-O-N-V-E-R-S-A-T-I-O-N.
38:15That is correct!
38:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:19Oh, hey, Craig.
38:21You managed to splutter out
38:22before dropping your calculus books over the hallway?
38:25Let me pick those up for you.
38:26Craig tries to bend over but struggles to reach his arms to the floor.
38:30Being a centaur and all...
38:32LAUGHTER
38:34It doesn't matter.
38:35With his ruffled hair, denim jacket and no pants.
38:38LAUGHTER
38:40You can't believe you're talking to a guy as cool as Craig.
38:43Listen, he continues,
38:45prom is tomorrow night and I was wondering
38:47if you had anyone to go with?
38:49Me?
38:50You stammer as Craig's tail whacks a fly buzzing around his butt.
38:54LAUGHTER
38:56Do you...
38:57A, faint, or B, say yes enthusiastically?
39:01Enthusiastically, please, Guy.
39:03Your word is enthusiastically.
39:05E-N-T-H-U-S-I-A-S-T-I-C-A-L-L-Y.
39:16That is correct!
39:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:21Yes!
39:22You yell enthusiastically.
39:24LAUGHTER
39:25Cool, Craig responds.
39:27Cool-ly.
39:28The next day, your best friend Kayleigh,
39:30a sassy forest sprite,
39:32applies the finishing touches to your make-up.
39:34Girl, Craig is going to go buck wild when he sees you.
39:38Kayleigh, you laugh,
39:40be careful, you can't say buck wild around a centaur.
39:43That's their word.
39:45LAUGHTER
39:51You're interrupted by a knock at the door.
39:54You open it to see Craig with a corsage in his hand.
39:57You look incredible, he says.
39:59And so does he.
40:00Hair slicked back, tuxedo jacket, no pants.
40:06Tail slicked back.
40:09Behind him, you see a parked convertible.
40:12So, Craig draws, shall we take this Chevy
40:15or do you want to ride in on me?
40:18Do you A, head to the prom in Craig's Chevrolet,
40:21or B, sit on his back and wrap your hands around his abdomen?
40:26I'll go with the abdomen.
40:30A, B, D-O-M-E-N, abdomen.
40:34That is correct!
40:36APPLAUSE
40:39Craig kneels down and you climb onto his back.
40:42As Craig runs, you rest your head against his shoulder.
40:45You can't wait to show up and be the envy of everyone at prom.
40:48As you reach the turn off for the motorway,
40:50Craig begins to veer left.
40:52Are you sure we should take the motorway?
40:55LAUGHTER
40:58You yell over the wind.
41:01Yeah, it's a bit faster, Craig yells back.
41:04Are you sure?
41:06There are cars going like 100 kilometres an hour.
41:10LAUGHTER
41:13Yeah, it's chill.
41:15LAUGHTER
41:18I gallop on the motorway all the time.
41:21You hop up the on-ramp, reaching a whopping 37 kilometres per hour.
41:25LAUGHTER
41:30The feeling is exhilarating.
41:33The cars zooming past and messing up your prom hair,
41:36but you don't care, you could stay in this moment forever.
41:39I love you, you scream into the night air
41:42as Craig fails to check his blind spot before switching lanes
41:45and you're both flattened by an 18-wheeler driven by a griffin.
41:49LAUGHTER
41:51Your adventure ends here.
41:53APPLAUSE
41:58Wonderful round of Spell Your Own Adventure
42:01and some beautiful foley from Aaron.
42:03Thanks a lot, Aaron, we'll be seeing you later.
42:06APPLAUSE
42:11See you later, guy.
42:13LAUGHTER
42:17You can actually go.
42:19Yeah, I was just recording some foley for me leaving.
42:26LAUGHTER
42:29I'll go that way.
42:31APPLAUSE
42:38Well, things are heating up and there's only a bid finale to go.
42:43MUSIC
42:47It's the buzz round,
42:49named after my second favourite thing that bees do.
42:52My first favourite is to sting children and then die.
42:55LAUGHTER
42:57In this round, you'll each notice you are armed with a buzzer.
43:00I'm going to read from a long list of thematically connected words.
43:03All of you will have the chance to spell them.
43:05If you like the sound of one, buzz in and have a crack.
43:08Get it right, you'll be given one point.
43:10If you get it wrong, you'll be relieved of one of your precious points
43:13that you already have.
43:14The round will last as long as the spelling gods let us.
43:17Most points at the end of this round wins the game.
43:20And to try and even the playing field,
43:22our current last place speller, Luke, will get to choose the theme.
43:26Luke, would you like...
43:33LAUGHTER
43:36Fashion?
43:37LAUGHTER
43:39Fashion it shall be. Let's get into it.
43:42Winkle picker.
43:43Go ahead, Nicky.
43:49Correct.
43:50APPLAUSE
43:51Pyjamas.
43:53Will.
43:56Correct.
43:57Hat.
43:58Luke.
43:59The hat?
44:00Yeah.
44:01Come on, buddy.
44:02Come on, mate.
44:03Come on.
44:04HJT.
44:05Correct.
44:07Yellow polka dot bikini.
44:09Nicky.
44:22I'll save you the trouble, you got it wrong.
44:25Jeans.
44:26Yellow.
44:27Go ahead, Tom.
44:28J-E-A-N-S.
44:29Correct.
44:30Jorts.
44:31Go ahead, Luke.
44:32Jorts.
44:33Jorts.
44:34J-O-R-T-S.
44:35Leggings.
44:36Tom.
44:37J-E-G-G-I-N-G-S.
44:39Correct.
44:40Sneaker.
44:41Go ahead, Luke.
44:42S-M-E-A-K-E-R-S.
44:44Incorrect.
44:45Oh, no.
44:46LAUGHTER
44:47Come on!
44:48LAUGHTER
44:49Sorry!
44:51Balenciaga.
44:52Oh, no.
44:53LAUGHTER
44:54B-A-L-E-N-C-I-A-G-A.
44:59Correct.
45:00APPLAUSE
45:01DKNY.
45:02Go ahead, Nicky.
45:03DKNY.
45:04DKNY.
45:05Correct.
45:06Crop top.
45:07Go ahead, Luke.
45:08T-R-O-P.
45:09T-O-P.
45:10Correct.
45:11Fedora.
45:12Tom.
45:13F-E-D-O-R-A.
45:14Correct.
45:15Accessories.
45:16Go ahead, Luke.
45:17LAUGHTER
45:18A-double-C-E-S-S-O-R-I-E-S.
45:30I'm going to give it to you.
45:31Correct.
45:32APPLAUSE
45:34Accessorise.
45:36Tom.
45:37A-C-C-E-S-S-O-R-I-Z-E.
45:43Incorrect.
45:44Oh, shit.
45:45Arseless chaps.
45:47Go ahead, Will.
45:48Come on!
45:49That's mine!
45:50LAUGHTER
45:51A-R-S-E-L-E-S-S-C-H-A-P-S.
45:58Correct.
45:59Towing.
46:00No one buzzed in for towing.
46:02Rude.
46:03LAUGHTER
46:06You want it?
46:07You want it?
46:08I'll give it to you.
46:09It's not going to make a jot of difference.
46:11LAUGHTER
46:13T-O-E-R-I-N-G.
46:15It's not going to save you, sorry.
46:17But that is correct.
46:18We'll give him the point.
46:19APPLAUSE
46:20Enough spelling, enough misspelling, enough of everything,
46:23because we have our winner.
46:24Congratulations, Tom Ballard!
46:26CHEERING
46:28Accept your prize!
46:32CHEERING
46:34And keep those hands clapping.
46:36Not too loud, though, for the world's worst Liberian, Aaron Chen!
46:40CHEERING
46:42And now, in honour of those reading next door
46:46at the State Australia Library,
46:49and also for our worst contestant,
46:51please gently clap those hands as Luke ashamedly walks his way
46:55to his brand-new chair for a fitting with his brand-new hat.
47:00LAUGHTER
47:07GROWL
47:09LAUGHTER
47:12And so concludes another cutting-edge episode
47:15of our Spelling TV show.
47:16Let's hear it one last time for all of our contestants,
47:18Tom Ballard, Luke McGregor, Nicky Brinton, Will Anderson.
47:21CHEERING
47:22Join us next time as Tom will take on the spelling mate
47:25of Rhys Nicholson, Conjana Caruso and Jan Redd.
47:27Right now, though, you can call me Wi-Fi Montgomery
47:30because I'm getting rounder here.
47:32Catch you on the Information Superhighway.
47:34Goodnight!
47:36CHEERING
47:38Well done, Tom.
Recommended
47:44
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