- 8/14/2024
w/ Urzila Carlson, Nazeem Hussain, Danielle Walker and Tom Gleeson
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00CHEERY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
00:20Hello, g'day, and welcome along to Guy Montgomery's
00:23Guy Monspelling Me.
00:25I'm your host, Guy Montgomery, and this is our big debut.
00:28I'd like to wish good luck to myself and, of course, to you,
00:31our discerning audience.
00:33On tonight's show, four brilliant comedians will be forced
00:36to use parts of their brain that have presumably atrophied
00:38since high school.
00:40I'm talking about the lumpy bits in the back
00:42that know how to spell words.
00:43Why? Well, they'll be competing to win this!
00:47A novelty-sized aeroplane ticket...
00:48CHEERING
00:50..that grants them passage to compete again in next week's episode.
00:53But our contestants are not just competing for glory.
00:56Oh, no.
00:58The contestant deemed worst at spelling will experience
01:00a form of public shaming as old as language itself.
01:04A trip to the dunce's corner to wear the dunce's hat.
01:07GONG
01:08GONG
01:10Now the stakes are clear, let's meet our spellers.
01:12Please welcome...
01:14Ursula Kelsey!
01:15CHEERING
01:18Nazeem Hussain!
01:19CHEERING
01:21Xenia Walker!
01:22CHEERING
01:23And Tom Gleeson!
01:24CHEERING
01:28Now, let's get spelling!
01:29CHEERING
01:34Our first round is the perfectly named
01:36and wonderfully appropriate Spelling Round.
01:39In this round, our contestants will be given the opportunity
01:42to spell one word each.
01:44How challenging that word is, is up to them.
01:46If you want an easy-to-spell word,
01:48you may opt to take it from the Coward's Cup.
01:50In this cup are a variety of preschool-grade straightforward words
01:54that are each worth one point.
01:56If you're feeling a little more confident than that,
01:57you may opt for a word from the Person's Purse.
01:59These are intermediate-to-high-school-level words
02:02that, with the correct spelling, are worth two points.
02:04If you're feeling supremely confident
02:06and want to risk it all right out the gate,
02:08you may opt for a word from the Bucket of Bravery.
02:11These are very challenging spelling words
02:13that are worth three points each, but beware.
02:16A correct spelling will almost definitely see to it
02:18that you get bullied on the playground for being a massive nerd.
02:22LAUGHTER
02:23Once your word is chosen, to help you in your spelling efforts,
02:26you can always ask to hear a language of origin, a definition,
02:29or to hear the word in a sentence.
02:31And our first speller needs no introduction,
02:33but that would be a huge departure from protocol on a television show,
02:36so please welcome Ursula Carlson!
02:39Thank you. Thank you, Guy.
02:40Lovely to be here.
02:42Ursula. Yes.
02:43You and I have been friends for several years now,
02:46and I know for a fact that you are not a native English speaker.
02:48No.
02:49Do you think there could be a disadvantage
02:51when competing on an English-speaking spelling show?
02:54Look, Guy, I'm going to be honest with you,
02:57even in my native tongue, I'm terrible at it,
03:00so I don't think it's a language barrier.
03:03It's a brain barrier and bad reading.
03:05Are there any words you're confident around?
03:07Is there a subset of language that you feel good with?
03:09I mean, the smaller words, I can definitely do.
03:12With confidence, like, toast. Yeah.
03:15In fact, if that is potentially one of the first words,
03:18I'm ready to go now.
03:20Sadly, it's not a spelling show where you choose your own words.
03:23But I'm telling you, I'd dominate if that was the case.
03:27Well, Urs, I've got an inkling,
03:28but which receptacle would you like to spell from?
03:30Well, I would like to surprise you. OK.
03:33I'm going to go for the people's purse.
03:35You want the person's purse? Yeah.
03:36I want to go middle of the road.
03:38All right. I'm ready.
03:39Spelling from the person's purse.
03:40Ursula Coulson, your word is...
03:44..tortoise.
03:47It's kind of like toast.
03:50Now, if you're not familiar, I remind you,
03:52you can ask for a language of origin.
03:53Please give me a language of origin. Yes.
03:55Galap-tigonian.
03:59Well, that clears it up.
04:01Can you use it in a sentence, please?
04:04Well, isn't that just great?
04:05I put all my money on the hair.
04:08Now I'm going to have to sell the roof over my own head.
04:11But you wouldn't understand about that, now, would you, Mr Tortoise?
04:19Well, that really clears it up.
04:23All right, I'm going to take a swing at it.
04:25T-O-R-T-O-I-S-E.
04:30That is correct. Yes!
04:32Yes!
04:35That feels good. That feels good.
04:38Next up is a star of Australian stage and screen,
04:41but to make an impression tonight,
04:42he will need to spell rather than exude charisma.
04:45It's Nazeem Hussain.
04:49Hey there, Nazeem.
04:50How are you going?
04:51Very excited to be here on your spelling show
04:52with my fellow comedians.
04:54Nice, man.
04:55It sounds totally sincere.
04:58It's very sincere, you know?
04:59We often don't really see each other, so, you know.
05:02You could just call us friends.
05:04Yeah, like comedy friends.
05:05I've got different buckets for friendships
05:07and you guys are comedy friends, so...
05:09What are the other receptacles for friends?
05:11I've got genuine friends.
05:15Friends that I actually see outside of professional engagement.
05:18Gym buddies? Gym buddies.
05:20Actually, I've got a friend who shares my gym membership.
05:22We know him, it's Waleed.
05:24It's Waleed.
05:26Nazeem, which receptacle would you like to spell from?
05:28Um, you know, Coward's Cup.
05:30Straight from the Coward's Cup?
05:31Meow.
05:32LAUGHTER
05:36Nazeem, your word from the Coward's Cup is dream.
05:40OK.
05:41So, um, is there a language of origin?
05:45Yeah, it says here, uh, cheese at night time.
05:48LAUGHTER
05:50That helps a little,
05:52but I probably need it in a sentence, actually.
05:55Don't take it personally.
05:56I just always lose interest
05:57when people start telling me about a dream.
05:59I reassured Martin Luther King Jr.
06:02LAUGHTER
06:10OK, so, um, dream.
06:12D-R-E...
06:14Is it double E? No, it's A-M.
06:16D-R-E-A-M.
06:17That is correct!
06:19CHEERING
06:21You can claim a coward, sure.
06:24Our third speller is the talented comedian,
06:26actor and enthusiastic walker,
06:28it's Danielle Walker!
06:30CHEERING
06:32Now, Danielle,
06:34you learn the Queen's English in North Queensland,
06:37one of her favourite territories.
06:39How do you go on your English classes up there?
06:42It's actually not a territory, it is a state, first off.
06:45LAUGHTER
06:47Welcome to Australia, guy.
06:49Oh, well, look, it's not important.
06:51LAUGHTER
06:52Words don't matter, do they, boy?
06:54It's not Danielle Walker's geography show.
06:57What I was asking, Danielle, is how do you go on English?
07:00Was it a popular subject for you?
07:02No.
07:03No, I just, um, I liked art and, um, also swimming.
07:08Yeah.
07:09Those are my two favourite subjects.
07:11In what order?
07:12Art, then swimming.
07:14Are you a confident speller,
07:15in spite of not liking English as a subject at school?
07:18I haven't done it since primary school,
07:20the, like, spelling tests.
07:22So I don't know.
07:24Well, I guess we'll find out.
07:25Which receptacle would you like to spell from?
07:27Um, I would also like the person's purse, please.
07:30The person's purse, it shall be.
07:32And from the person's purse, your word is...
07:36Pizzazz.
07:37Oh.
07:38Oh.
07:40OK, you've all psyched me out.
07:42LAUGHTER
07:44Um, could I have it used in a sentence, please, Grant?
07:48I looked confused at the delivery man
07:50when he handed me two size 40 colourful shirts
07:53with palm trees on them and a tub full of glitter.
07:56Oh, he said, I thought you ordered two large Hawaiian pizzazz.
08:01LAUGHTER
08:09Oh!
08:13Um, I'll spell it now.
08:14I would like P-I-Z-Z-A-Z.
08:20That is incorrect.
08:21I'm so sorry.
08:23You guys did that to me!
08:25LAUGHTER
08:27P-I-Z-Z-A-Z-Z.
08:30Oh.
08:31I would have got it wrong anyway.
08:34I'm so sorry, I cannot award that.
08:36No points for you, Danielle.
08:37That's OK.
08:38And finally, a contestant who accidentally landed on the show
08:41after wandering off the Hard Quiz set, it's Tom Gleeson!
08:44CHEERING
08:46Hi.
08:48Hi.
08:49Tom, welcome to the ABC.
08:52It's so good to be here.
08:53I just wanted to be on the ABC more.
08:56LAUGHTER
08:58Tom, you've built an incredible career
09:00out of making other people look dumb.
09:02What the hell are you doing on my show?
09:04LAUGHTER
09:06Well, what I've learnt from my show is being a contestant is easy.
09:09I just have to stand here and be an idiot and I'm ready to go.
09:13Are you a good speller?
09:14I don't think I'm a good speller.
09:16Also, I'm a comedian, but I don't really use the written word,
09:20I use the spoken word, and I can assure you
09:22that everything I say is spelt correctly.
09:25LAUGHTER
09:26Every now and then I might switch it around.
09:28Yeah.
09:29Like I'll say to someone, come over here,
09:31and then I'll spell here with an A.
09:33LAUGHTER
09:35Well, Tom, let's put it to the test.
09:37Which received accord do you like the spell from?
09:39I would like to go for the Cowards' Cup, please.
09:42Oh.
09:43Well, your word from the Cowards' Cup, Tom, is player.
09:47OK, so we're going to go with the word player.
09:50I just spelt it correctly then, by the way.
09:52LAUGHTER
09:53When I said it.
09:55OK, language of origin?
09:58You, now.
10:00LAUGHTER
10:04Could you use it in a sentence, please?
10:06The Italian footballer liked to player the game.
10:09LAUGHTER
10:14All right, player.
10:16P-L-A-Y-E-R.
10:19That is correct.
10:21CHEERING
10:22Played it safe.
10:24And so, after round one, show one,
10:27our first leader is Ursula Coulson with two points.
10:31CHEERING
10:33However, it's not just about points on tonight's show.
10:36It's also about cold, hard cash.
10:43But I can't be left in charge of a round
10:45as serious as money by myself,
10:47so luckily I've spent some of my own hard-earned
10:49on hiring a financial advisor.
10:51Please give a very warm welcome to my dear friend
10:53and trusted associate, Aaron Chang!
10:56CHEERING
10:59Hi, Aaron!
11:01Hello, Guy Montgomery. How are you doing?
11:04I'm good. How are you going? I'm so excited to have you here.
11:07I'm so excited to be on the show.
11:09A fantastic feeling,
11:10but I'm so excited to be part of the money round.
11:14Money is a thing that's really dear to my heart.
11:17It consumes my every thought, Guy.
11:20Really? You love money that much?
11:22I love it so much, absolutely.
11:24Speaking of, would you like to hear a riddle?
11:27LAUGHTER
11:29Yeah, sure, I'll hear a riddle.
11:31What is something that people who have it,
11:35they want even more of...
11:37LAUGHTER
11:39..and people who don't have it, they want at least some of it?
11:43LAUGHTER
11:45Is it money?
11:48Yep.
11:49LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
11:51He really loves this stuff.
11:54On Aaron's beautiful money board
11:57are representations of all physical currency in Australia.
12:00In this round, spellers will each take a turn
12:03to select one money from the big board
12:05and will then have to spell a word related to that money.
12:08Fairly straightforward stuff.
12:10If you get your word right, you get a point.
12:12However, if you get a word wrong, not only will you get zero points,
12:16but we will also take that exact amount of money
12:18off your appearance fee...
12:20LAUGHTER
12:22..leaving you anywhere from five cents to $100 poorer.
12:26After I give you your word, to help you out,
12:29you can ask for a definition, to hear it in a sentence,
12:32or what I'm going to spend the money you lose on.
12:35We'll start again with Ursula.
12:37Yes.
12:38Which money would you like?
12:40Well, I mean, green is my favourite colour,
12:42so I think I should go green. I should go 100.
12:44Yeah? Yeah.
12:46What do you think about that, Aaron?
12:48That's my second favourite denomination.
12:50After what?
12:51The Lutherans.
12:52LAUGHTER
12:57$100.
12:59The granddaddy of all money.
13:01This stunning polymer $100 note.
13:03It's a striking hue.
13:05This bill, of course, features John Monash.
13:07Monash led a successful and varied career as an engineer,
13:11university vice-chancellor
13:13and an accomplished military officer during World War I.
13:16There's some lovely spelling words in there.
13:18All helping to land him the plum job of posing for this picture
13:22to be put on a green note.
13:24And your word is green.
13:27LAUGHTER
13:32G-R-E-E-N.
13:35That is correct!
13:37CHEERING
13:42All right, Nazeem, are you a money fan?
13:44Oh, I love money.
13:45I love looking at it and spending it,
13:47talking about it with Aaron as well.
13:48He's my financial advisor, actually.
13:50Oh, wow, yeah.
13:51He's great. If you can afford him, he's the best.
13:53If you can.
13:54Put it all on red, Nazeem.
13:55LAUGHTER
13:57I'm going to take his advice and I'll put it all on 20.
14:00All right.
14:03In Australia, this note is known colloquially as the lobster
14:07due to its striking colourway,
14:09closely matching that of the popular crustacean.
14:11Oh, crustacean!
14:12Oh, wouldn't that be a lovely word?
14:14No, no.
14:15However, if you can just look past the colour,
14:17you'll notice we made sure to place the note,
14:19Mary Reby, side up.
14:21So no-one in our audience had to look at that dirty dog,
14:24Reverend John Flynn,
14:26who had the audacity to bring healthcare to rural Queensland.
14:30One of the territories?
14:32Yeah.
14:33LAUGHTER
14:35Nazeem, your word is Mary Reby.
14:38LAUGHTER
14:42OK, what would you spend the money on?
14:44I would spend it taking a taxi driver through the local car wash.
14:48My treat.
14:49LAUGHTER
14:51Definition, actually?
14:53Mary Reby was many things to many people.
14:55A convict, a mother, a merchant, a role model.
14:58It just goes to show in Australia,
15:00sometimes all you need is a second chance
15:02and for your skin to be white.
15:04LAUGHTER
15:08I mean, at the ABC, it kind of goes the other way, you know?
15:11I know why I'm here.
15:13LAUGHTER
15:22OK, all right, so M-A-R-Y, Reby?
15:25Mm-hm. Reby, Reby.
15:27R-E-B-Y?
15:35Your face is already saying no.
15:37Yeah, and my mouth's going to follow.
15:39LAUGHTER
15:41That is incorrect.
15:43Mary Reby spelled M-A-R-Y, crushed it.
15:46R-E-I-B-E-Y.
15:49Oh, wow.
15:50Oh, wow.
15:51You're sad to hear how it's spelled?
15:53LAUGHTER
15:54Is it a bigger R than when he got it wrong?
15:57Well, Danielle, you've seen how it's done and not done.
16:00Which of the monies would you like?
16:02Do you know which one has Fred Hollows on it?
16:05Do I? Yeah.
16:06If Fred Hollows is one of these guys,
16:08then it's one of those ones.
16:10LAUGHTER
16:12I just know he's on a note and he did eye stuff
16:15and I worked at an eye specialist
16:18and so I was hoping he'd try and trick me with a big fancy eye word
16:22and I'd be like, guess what?
16:24I got it.
16:26I think he's not.
16:27He might not be on any money.
16:29Is he not on any money?
16:30I don't think so, no.
16:32I just think you've randomly brought up someone
16:35who's to do with a field that you know a lot about.
16:38He should be on a note.
16:39He's done good stuff.
16:40Danielle, you'd do really well on Ursula's idea for a show
16:43where you choose what you spell.
16:45LAUGHTER
16:46I was really hoping I'd get to spell ophthalmology.
16:49LAUGHTER
16:51You can spell that in your own time.
16:53LAUGHTER
16:54Can I go for the ten cent piece?
16:56I just don't want to lose more than ten cents.
16:59Not only is that not Fred Hollows, it's also not a human.
17:03LAUGHTER
17:06You've chosen the iconic ten cent piece,
17:08one of my favourite pieces of shrapnel.
17:10My least favourite being the one that killed my great-grandfather
17:14in the battle at Somme.
17:16Don't worry, it's a joke, he wasn't real.
17:19LAUGHTER
17:20This little beauty depicts the lyrebird,
17:23Australia's most dishonest bird.
17:26Fun fact about lyrebirds, they're polygynous.
17:29The male lyrebird mates and lives with multiple females
17:32while the female lyrebird only mates with a single male.
17:35Whether the ladies are happy with this lopsided arrangement or not,
17:38we will never know as both sexes of the bird are notorious lyres.
17:42LAUGHTER
17:43Your word to spell is polygynous.
17:46AUDIENCE GROANS
17:48First off, I think that this game is rude.
17:51And what would you spend the money on?
17:54I would walk into a bank and buy one five cent coin
17:57before saying, keep the change.
17:59LAUGHTER
18:02OK, polygynous.
18:04Polygynous.
18:05Polygynous.
18:06Polygynous.
18:07Ugh.
18:09P-O-L-Y-G-E...
18:14Polygynous.
18:16Yeah, I'm going to spell it how it sounds.
18:18P-O-L-Y-G-E-N...
18:22Polygynous.
18:24Oh, no.
18:26LAUGHTER
18:27Polygynous.
18:29That is incorrect.
18:30I'm genuinely sorry, you were so close.
18:32It's P-O-L-Y-G-Y-N-O-U-S.
18:35AUDIENCE GROANS
18:36I'm on board with that.
18:38Yeah.
18:39Tom, in your comedy, you're not shy about advertising
18:42just how much money you already have.
18:44Surely a man as old and rich as you
18:46must be intimately familiar with all of this physical currency.
18:49LAUGHTER
18:51I don't think I've touched currency for ten years.
18:54Oh. Yeah.
18:55I have other people do that for me.
18:57LAUGHTER
19:00Thank you for the opportunity, Tom.
19:02LAUGHTER
19:04All right.
19:05But you're pretty young, aren't you, Aaron?
19:07I'm 28 years old, Tom.
19:09When was the last time you touched a coin?
19:12One answer ago.
19:14LAUGHTER
19:15All right, I'll go for the $10 note.
19:17The inarguable star of the $10 note
19:19is Australian bush poet Banjo Patterson,
19:22best known for his poem Waltzing Matilda
19:24about a jolly swag man camping beside a billabong.
19:27Early iterations of the poem saw the jolly swag man
19:30camping beside a quicksilver, a mambo, a hot tuna...
19:33LAUGHTER
19:34..and even a volcom.
19:36The only thing jollier than the swag man in the poem
19:39is, of course, the jolly jumbuck.
19:41And your word is jumbuck.
19:43Sounds easy, but I'm worried that you're maybe messing with my head.
19:47LAUGHTER
19:49Jumbuck.
19:50I think it's just J-U-M-B-U-C-K.
19:54That is...
19:56..correct!
19:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:59And after the money round,
20:00it would appear that some of our contestants are richer in points,
20:03while some of our hosts are richer in money.
20:06Ursula stretches out her lead, while Tom is not so far behind.
20:10Then Nazeem and Danielle.
20:12Any parting thoughts, Aaron?
20:13Yeah, I don't think the money business is for me.
20:17I'm off to find a new vocation.
20:20What vocation might that be?
20:21Well, that's going to change round to round
20:23depending on the theme of the round.
20:25LAUGHTER
20:27Makes a lot of sense.
20:28A big thanks one more time to Aaron Chen!
20:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:37And now it feels like time for our first mini-game.
20:39And for the first and only time in Spelling Bee history,
20:42I'll be giving our contestants the chance
20:44to improve the spelling of a word that already exists.
20:51Words.
20:52They're the star of the show here at Spelling Bee Incorporated,
20:55but not all of them are pulling their weight.
20:58In this mini-game, I'll offer up a sacrificial word
21:01whose spelling does not please me.
21:03Panellists will each be given an opportunity
21:05to create a new spelling for the word,
21:07and after just 30 seconds, they will show their work
21:10and I will judge who's done the best job of spelling it better.
21:13What word is under construction tonight?
21:15Well, it's pneumonia.
21:17The disease we all love to have but hate to spell.
21:21Contestants, your time starts now,
21:24and in the meantime, we're going to take a word from our sponsor.
21:28Tonight's episode is brought to you by...
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22:00So enjoy adjectives and have yourself a...
22:12And time is up.
22:14Pens down.
22:16It is now time to show your working
22:18and we'll start with you, Urs.
22:20Yes.
22:22Pneumonia.
22:25Yeah, yeah.
22:26But with a hyphen, cos I like that.
22:28It's quite phonetic.
22:29Can you tell me about anything else you thought while you were doing it
22:32or were you just straight in the zone?
22:34Truth be told, I thought that's how you spelled it.
22:37Naz, what have you done?
22:38Mine's pretty similar to Urs's, except I didn't use bubble writing.
22:42And that could hurt you.
22:44You know, it's bad.
22:46You know, you don't want it.
22:48So hopefully you don't have to hear this word said to you often.
22:52Do you score this based on how we've presented it?
22:55I mean, yeah, it's a massive part of it, absolutely.
23:00I mean, like, I get there's...
23:02I know you've had your turn.
23:04Daniel, what have you done?
23:07I might have not fully understood the game.
23:10Um...
23:15Tell us about your working.
23:17So I figured you didn't like the spelling
23:21and I figured, well, the only thing you could do is new,
23:24change the spelling of new, take away the P,
23:27cos that's obviously probably what's annoying Guy.
23:32Is it actually a lung condition? I thought that's COVID.
23:34I had pneumonia last year
23:36and it is definitely the really bad lung flu.
23:39You might need to fact-check that.
23:42Yeah, I'm going to need a copy of your medical records, Daniel.
23:45OK.
23:46Appreciate it, thank you very much.
23:48And we'll move on now to Tom.
23:49What have you done?
23:50Well, what I was thinking was if someone said,
23:52I've got pneumonia, you'd be like,
23:54yeah, I knew because you moanie a lot.
24:00You moanie a lot.
24:01I would say that that is insensitive
24:03considering a lot of elderly people die from it.
24:07Yeah, she moaned a lot before she died.
24:10Mate, I know, I host a show on the ABC, they're in my audience.
24:17OK, can we get all of the workings back up, please?
24:21I'm not going to lie, it's really slim pickings.
24:26Urs and Naz, I'm going to get your ones down
24:28because I think they're too similar,
24:30so I can't reward the creativity.
24:32Tom, you moanie a lot.
24:34You know, I'm new here, I want to keep some of the crowd,
24:37and I'm going to give it to the person who had pneumonia,
24:39the really bad lung flu, Danielle Walker.
24:44Well done, Danielle.
24:45As far as I'm concerned, that is now how you spell pneumonia.
24:50I'll pass it on to the medical community after tonight's show.
24:52You must feel like a real hero.
24:54And to the other contestants, do not worry,
24:56your chance to feel the same way starts now.
25:04That's right, it's time for Hometown Hero.
25:07In this round, you will each be asked to spell a word
25:09that relates to the area you are from.
25:11The last player standing will be crowned
25:13our ultimate Hometown Hero
25:15and receive a key to the city or town they are from.
25:18If you are eliminated, well,
25:20I'll let Aaron tell you what's going to happen.
25:22Please welcome back in the role of foreman, Aaron Chen.
25:28That's right, guy.
25:30I'm actually a men's rights activist.
25:33Foreman.
25:35Let's know what it is, man.
25:37It's just a joke, guy.
25:39No need to cry.
25:41Anyway, in this round,
25:44I have on my key ring the keys to all of your hometowns.
25:48If you make it to the end of this round,
25:51you'll be considered a Hometown Hero
25:53and you'll get the key to your town.
25:55But if you don't, well,
25:57I've got my crucible set to a pretty hot temp
25:59of 940 degrees centigrade.
26:03And I will melt your key.
26:07Go men!
26:10In this round, to help you along your way,
26:12you may ask for a definition, a sentence
26:15or a message of support from a community member
26:18in your hometown.
26:20Now we know what's happening, let's get into it.
26:22And this time we'll start with Tom.
26:24OK.
26:26Tom, according to my crack team of researchers,
26:29you grew up in the beautiful town of Tambah Springs.
26:32Close. It's not a town, it's a village.
26:34Also, I grew up on a farm just outside the village.
26:37I just wanted to make the distinction
26:39because, you know, we weren't one of the village people.
26:44That's homophobic.
26:46Tambah Springs is also home
26:48to New South Wales' first ever World War I memorial.
26:51As soon as they sent those boys off,
26:53they were just itching to build that thing.
26:57Long before Tom Gleeson was born,
26:59if you can imagine such a time,
27:01Tambah Springs was populated by thousands of diprotodon.
27:05Tom, your word is diprotodon.
27:12It's not easy to spell
27:14and I will be shamed by a very small community.
27:20You don't seem super confident,
27:21so remember you can ask for a definition, a sentence
27:23or for a message of support.
27:25I feel like I need a message of support.
27:27We can do that for you right now.
27:28Hi, I'm Jamie Chaffey, the mayor of Gunnedah Shire Council
27:31and Tambah Springs is one of the villages
27:33that makes up this great shire.
27:35And, of course, Tom Gleeson has grown up in Tambah Springs
27:39and now he's representing us in this spelling bee.
27:42So, Tom, remember, I before E except after C.
27:46And play hard, Tom.
27:50A video like that must really get the juices flowing.
27:54What makes me want to go to a council meeting
27:56and complain about something minor?
27:59OK, I'll have a go.
28:00Diprotodon.
28:02D-I-P-R-O-T-O-D-O-N.
28:10That is correct!
28:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:18Very impressive.
28:20Danielle. Yes.
28:22You had the great pleasure of being born and raised
28:24in the creatively named Bluewater,
28:26a coastal suburb of the equally brilliantly named Townsville.
28:31Bluewater? Townsville?
28:34Those Queenslanders sure have a way with words.
28:38And Danielle.
28:39The heights of Townsville aren't just contained to the land either.
28:42It is, of course, an access way to the Great Barrier Reef
28:45or what is soon to be known
28:46as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch Extension.
28:49LAUGHTER
28:52The reef is, of course, teeming with wildlife,
28:54none more spectacular and prominent than the anthozoa.
28:58And your word is anthozoa.
29:01I'd love my message of support right now, please.
29:03You've earned it.
29:05Hi, Danielle.
29:07We are leaders from Townsville Girl Guides.
29:09You'll be pleased to know we are still empowering girls
29:12to reach their potential.
29:14We still camp, canoe, enjoy the outdoors
29:17and do community service while having fun.
29:20We recently celebrated 100 years of guiding in Townsville.
29:24I'm sure all of Townsville is proud of you
29:27representing our great city.
29:29Good luck, Danielle.
29:31APPLAUSE
29:34They really practised that, didn't they?
29:37I don't feel like they were totally off script.
29:39LAUGHTER
29:41Your word remains anthozoa.
29:44Oh...
29:45A-N-T-H...
29:47Antho...
29:49Antho...
29:51Mmm...
29:55Antho...
29:56Oh...
29:57Antho...
29:58Anthozoa.
29:59Anthozoa.
30:00A-N-T-H-O-Z-O-A.
30:03That is correct!
30:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:07APPLAUSE
30:12Nazeem, I actually had to look up your hometown on the internet
30:15because when I texted you asking where you're really from,
30:18you accidentally blocked my number.
30:20LAUGHTER
30:25Anyway, I found out where,
30:27and it's arguably the most obscure of the hometowns on the show tonight.
30:30Correct me if I'm saying this wrong. Is it Melbourne?
30:33That's it. That's absolutely right. Melbourne.
30:36Victoria's own gateway to Ballarat.
30:39LAUGHTER
30:41Home to over five cafes, 37 AFL teams
30:44and, of course, Australia's only public transport system
30:47that insists on comparing itself to the rhinoceros.
30:51And your word is rhinoceros.
30:53Oh, my God.
30:56Um, all right.
30:58Before you get into it, if you want...
31:00I need a definition, to be honest.
31:02A horny mammal...
31:04..is what I become when I look at a rhinoceros.
31:07LAUGHTER
31:09Which is also a horny mammal.
31:12OK. R-H-I-N-O-C-E-R-O-U-S.
31:21That is incorrect.
31:23I'm so sorry. Rhinoceros.
31:25R-H-I-N-O-C-E-R-O-S.
31:29Rhinoceros. Yeah, thank you.
31:31LAUGHTER
31:33Oh, no. Oh, no.
31:35What are you going to do?
31:38Sorry, Nazeem.
31:40Um, but your time in the sun is over.
31:43LAUGHTER
31:45Is that a...? I don't know. I just...
31:47I panicked. I, um...
31:49Sorry.
31:51LAUGHTER
31:56Ursula. Yes?
31:581976 was a huge year for your hometown of Benoni, South Africa.
32:02In February, you were born, and not six months later,
32:05another girl was born by the name of Charlize.
32:08Ever since, Charlize, of course, has looked up to you,
32:11trying to carve out her own career in the spotlight
32:14while you effortlessly glide from strength to strength.
32:17Your word is the name of your arch-rival, Charlize Theron.
32:22LAUGHTER
32:24Remember, you can get a definition, a sentence,
32:26or perhaps you'd like a message of support.
32:28No.
32:30Not from my hometown.
32:32No, I mean, I love her, but it's a shithole.
32:35You want a sentence? Yeah, why not?
32:37Ursula, such a pleasure to meet you. I'm a huge fan.
32:40LAUGHTER
32:43My name, Charlize Theron.
32:45LAUGHTER
32:47APPLAUSE
32:51OK, Charlize.
32:53Charlize Theron.
32:55C-H-I-R-L-E-Z-E.
32:59Next word, T-H-E-R-O-N.
33:02That is incorrect. I'm so sorry.
33:04Charlize is C-H-A-R-L-I-Z-E.
33:08They're on T-H-E-R-O-N.
33:10She changed it. The year we were born.
33:12LAUGHTER
33:13Like, that's... I didn't realise you meant her stage name.
33:17I'm sorry, Urs.
33:19Bononi, but more like Bono-need for this key.
33:22LAUGHTER
33:26APPLAUSE
33:30And that's the whole round, and it was a thrilling round.
33:33Congratulations to both Tom and Danielle.
33:35You're both hometown heroes!
33:37CHEERING
33:39Congratulations, guys. Thank you.
33:42That's for Tambah Springs. Yeah. Use it wisely.
33:45And that's for Townsville. Thank you so much.
33:48And say hello to the girls' guides from the Proud Boys.
33:51LAUGHTER
33:53LAUGHTER
33:57As for you, Nazeem and Urs,
33:59I'll be booking a hotel on a distant island this Christmas.
34:02You will not be welcomed back.
34:04More importantly, the hero of my hometown, this studio,
34:07is Tom, who's taken the lead with four points!
34:10CHEERING
34:12Now, we've been very fortunate in what our studio audience
34:15has given to us so far this evening in the form of laughs.
34:18But now it's time to take something more from them,
34:21namely, their names.
34:27No-one is more important to our show than our audience,
34:30and that is especially true in this round of Spell The Audience Name.
34:34In this game, contestants will be invited to take a long,
34:37hard look at the audience and make a selection of someone
34:40whose name they might like to spell.
34:42And then spell that name.
34:44To help the audience from the comfort of their seat
34:46to the bright lights of show business,
34:48it's walking chauffeur Aaron Chan!
34:51So, contestants, you will direct Aaron to the audience member
34:54you'd like to spell, and once he's brought them to the stage,
34:57that audience member will announce their first and last name
35:00before you will make an attempt to spell both names.
35:03Straightforward gameplay for a straightforward round.
35:05Nazeem, seeing as you're currently in last place,
35:08you have the honour of going first.
35:10All right, so...
35:12Well, I'm going to go for a simple-looking...
35:14Whoa!
35:17I must...
35:18I'm just looking for flannelette shirts.
35:20I can't hear you.
35:22I'll keep it inside.
35:24Flannelette-looking, this guy here in the front with the jeans,
35:27and the...
35:28This guy.
35:29Please welcome to the stage, a simple-looking person!
35:40Nazeem, is there anything you want to know about this guy?
35:43Just his name, to be honest.
35:46Nazeem, my name is Zack Dowdle.
35:49Oh, my God.
35:51What was it?
35:52Zack... Dowdle.
35:53Dowdle.
35:54Yep.
35:55OK, cool.
35:56We're going with the language of origin.
35:59Where are you from?
36:00Hometown for me, Wollongong.
36:02Raised on the Central Coast, currently live in Canberra.
36:05Anywhere in New South Wales, really.
36:07Or the ACT.
36:08That's a Territory Sayonara guy.
36:10LAUGHTER
36:12Holy smokes!
36:14APPLAUSE
36:17He's good.
36:18All right, so, Zack.
36:20Z-A-C-H.
36:21And surname again?
36:22Dowdle.
36:23Dowdle.
36:24D-O-W-D-A-L?
36:27That is incorrect.
36:28Oh!
36:29How do you spell your name, Zack?
36:31So, Zack, Z-A-C, and then Dowdle, D-O-W-D-E-L-L.
36:35All right. Whoa!
36:36Well, I've been misled by his face and clothes.
36:40Everybody, let's give it up for Zack Dowdle!
36:47Danielle, you're currently in a tie for second place.
36:50You can go next.
36:51Whose name would you like to spell?
36:53I'd like to get...
36:54Oh, there's a real cool-looking dude, four rows from the back.
36:57He's got a moustache and yellow glasses and a backwards cap.
37:01He would be the best play on Guess Who.
37:03Yes, that one.
37:05Please welcome to the stage a cool-looking dude!
37:15Hello.
37:16Hello.
37:17How are you going?
37:18Very good, but I'm sorry it's not going to be easy.
37:22Danielle, is there anything you'd like to know from this?
37:24Um, place of origin?
37:26Turkey.
37:27Turkey. OK.
37:29Well, it's nice there. I like your treats.
37:31That's good.
37:33It's a delight.
37:37And now I'd like to know where you got those glasses from.
37:41H&M?
37:42OK.
37:44How do you spell that, Danielle?
37:50And now I would love to know your name.
37:52OK. Ali.
37:54Ali.
37:55Kutlutan.
37:56Yes!
37:58OK.
37:59A...
38:01L...
38:03Seriously, Danielle, if you don't get this...
38:07I...
38:08Now I would like to start on what I have assumed is the harder bit.
38:13How would you say his surname, Danielle?
38:15I need to be, um...
38:17I would love to hear it again.
38:19Kutlutan.
38:20Kutlutan.
38:21I'm going to say...
38:23K-H-U-T-L...
38:27L...
38:29U...
38:31K...
38:32L...
38:34E-U...
38:36T...
38:38A-N.
38:39Incorrect.
38:41How do you spell your name?
38:42K-U-T-L-U-T-A-N.
38:47Oh, my God!
38:48If I'd have just gone phonetic...
38:51I was adding extra things in for pizzazz!
38:55Well, thank you so much, Ali!
39:02All right, well, you're shedding the time for second place.
39:04Yes.
39:05So you're up next.
39:06Who would you like to spell?
39:07So I'm going to go third-row puffer jacket,
39:10second-to-last, the gentleman with the glasses.
39:14Please welcome to the stage, this guy!
39:24And how are you going?
39:26Yeah, good for an older person.
39:28I'm not an ABC person,
39:30but I hope to keep watching for a little bit longer than Tom expects.
39:34But you're roughly Tom's age, right?
39:36Well, I'm trying to model his haircut.
39:40Pretty close.
39:41I think you've just got to tell the barber to go harder.
39:47Can I get your name, please?
39:50Dave Sheldon.
39:55Dave Sheldon.
39:56Pretty promising.
39:57I know, but...
40:00I'm going to hit Dave with D-A-V-E.
40:03Sheldon.
40:04S-H-E-L-D-O-N.
40:06Correct.
40:07Yes!
40:10Well, let's keep hearing it for Dave!
40:16OK, Tom, you've seen how it's played.
40:19Which audience member would you like to spell?
40:21So I'm going to go for someone who I think looks like a relative of mine.
40:24There's a woman in the second row down there with red hair, I think.
40:27Just there, yes.
40:29Please welcome to the stage...
40:34..your dress to match the sit.
40:36I thought so, right?
40:38Tom, I turn to you.
40:42Your hair's red, yeah? Would you describe it that way?
40:45I would, yes.
40:46Or do you say auburn,
40:47cos you want to take off the stigma associated with saying you have red hair?
40:51Well, it's not like that anymore.
40:53It's, you know, ever since you...
40:56Broke down some barriers.
41:00Retired from hair.
41:03You do look like you could be a cousin of mine.
41:05Is your ancestry Irish?
41:07Scottish.
41:09Oh, OK.
41:11Could be slightly tricky.
41:13All right, well, I think I just need to know your name.
41:16Grace Balbirnie.
41:20I'm going to say it's G-R-A-C-E.
41:22Oh, OK.
41:24All right, I'll just go for B-A-L-B-U-R-N-I-E.
41:28Very close, but no cigar.
41:31How do you spell your surname?
41:33B-A-L-B-I-R-N-I-E.
41:37All right, well, give it up for Grace!
41:39Well, it just goes to show, you couldn't write this stuff.
41:42Or, in the case of some of our contestants,
41:44you couldn't spell it either.
41:46As we approach our climactic final round,
41:48let's take one last look at our scores.
41:50We've got Nazeem on one,
41:52Danielle on three,
41:53and tied in first place,
41:54Erthar and Tom!
41:58What beautiful scores they are,
42:00but don't get too comfortable with them
42:02because they are all about timing.
42:04What beautiful scores they are,
42:06but don't get too comfortable with them
42:08because they are all about to change.
42:15Where does the time go?
42:16It feels like just 40 minutes ago
42:18I was introducing us all to each other,
42:20and now we arrive at the finale of our first episode.
42:23And what better way to send this episode off
42:25gently into that good night
42:26than with the classical fun of the buzz round.
42:29In this round, I will read words from a list
42:31at a rate of knots,
42:32to use shipping parlance,
42:33or a rate of miles to use the imperial system.
42:36If you think you know how to spell the word,
42:38buzz in.
42:39Spell it correctly, you get one point.
42:41Spell it wrong, lose one point.
42:43By way of a peace offering,
42:44I'll give the power of choice
42:45to the contestant currently in last place,
42:47which is you, Nazeem.
42:49Which of the following list of words
42:51would you like to spell from?
42:52We have four different topics.
42:54Will it be Olympics,
42:56politics,
42:57cars,
42:58or the zoo?
43:01I'll just go politics.
43:02Then politics it shall be.
43:04We'll start when I start,
43:05and we will stop when the voice of the spelling gods
43:07bellows down from on high telling us to stop.
43:10And now, in the great words of Guy Montgomery,
43:13let's get spelling.
43:16Majority.
43:17Go ahead, Nazeem.
43:18M-A-J-O-R-I-T-Y.
43:20That is correct.
43:21Cabinet.
43:22Go ahead, Nazeem.
43:23C-A-B-I-N-E-T.
43:24That is correct.
43:25Referendum.
43:26Nazeem.
43:27R-E-F-E-R-E-N-D-U-M.
43:29Correct.
43:30Boring.
43:32Go ahead, Tom.
43:33B-O-R-I-N-G.
43:35Correct.
43:36Mr Speaker, Mr Speaker.
43:38Go ahead, Tom.
43:39M-R-S-P-E-A-K-E-R.
43:44M-R-S-P-E-A-K-E-R.
43:49Correct.
43:50Bobcata.
43:51Go ahead, Nazeem.
43:52B-O-B-K-A-T-T-E-R.
43:55Correct.
43:56Legislation.
43:57Nazeem.
43:58L-E-G-I-S-L-A-T-I-O-N.
44:00Correct.
44:01Bill, as in legislation.
44:02Nazeem.
44:03B-I-L-L.
44:04Correct.
44:05Bill, as in shorting.
44:06Go ahead, Nazeem.
44:08B-I-L-L.
44:09Correct.
44:10Clinton, as in bill.
44:12Go ahead, Tom.
44:13C-L-I-N-T-O-N.
44:15Correct.
44:16Scandal.
44:17Nazeem.
44:18S-C-A-N-D-A-L.
44:20Correct.
44:21Mud slinging.
44:22Tom.
44:23M-U-D-S-L-I-N-G-I-N-G.
44:26Correct.
44:27Just, as in I get the.
44:28Nazeem.
44:29G-I-S-T.
44:30Correct.
44:31Just, as in goods and services tax.
44:33Go ahead, Tom.
44:36G-S-T.
44:37Correct.
44:38Front bench.
44:39Go ahead, Nazeem.
44:40F-R-O-N-T-B-E-N-C-H.
44:43Correct.
44:44Back bench.
44:45Go ahead, Tom.
44:46B-A-C-K-B-E-N-C-H.
44:50Correct.
44:51Overregulated.
44:52Go ahead, Angela.
44:57Overregulated.
45:00O-V-E-R-R-E-G-U-L-A-T-E-D.
45:05Correct.
45:07Canberra.
45:08Go ahead, Nazeem.
45:09C-A-N-B-E-R-R-A.
45:11Correct.
45:12Act, as in A-C-T.
45:15Tom.
45:16A-C-T.
45:17Correct.
45:18Partisan.
45:19Tom.
45:20P-A-R-T-I-S-A-N.
45:23Correct.
45:24Whip.
45:25Go ahead, Ursula.
45:26W-H-I-P.
45:27Correct.
45:28Go ahead, Tom.
45:29O-M-B-U-D-S-M-A-N.
45:33Correct.
45:34Top secret.
45:35Nazeem.
45:36T-O-P-S-E-C-R-E-T.
45:39Correct.
45:40Jacinda Ardern.
45:41Nazeem.
45:42J-A...
45:43Stop spilling.
45:44You can finish your spelling.
45:46C-I-N-D-A-A-R-D-E-R-N.
45:49That is correct.
45:54The gods have spoken.
45:55That's enough spelling for today.
45:56And by the looks of things, Nazeem has won our episode.
45:59Congratulations, Nazeem.
46:01Please accept your prize.
46:04Thanks, man.
46:08This is... Thank you.
46:12And give it up for the man with the key to my heart,
46:14it's Aaron Shears.
46:18Now, let's not just use the power of clapping for good.
46:23Amongst all the pomp and pageantry,
46:25please spare a thought and a gentle round of applause
46:27for our loser, Danielle Walker,
46:29as she trudges her way across the studio
46:32to model the dancer's hands.
46:46That's it for our first episode.
46:48Please, once more, for all of your contestants tonight,
46:50Ursula Carlson, Nazeem Hussain, Danielle Walker and Tom Gleeson.
46:55Join us next week as Nazeem takes on Geraldine Hickey,
46:58Peter Helyer and Irving Majumder.
47:00In the meantime, you might as well call me Chai Montgomery,
47:03cos it's time for me to have a cup of tea.
47:05Goodnight!
47:06CHEERING
47:11Thank you so much.
47:12I really appreciate it.
Recommended
47:10
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