- 8/14/2024
w/ Geraldine Hickey, Pete Helliar, Urvi Majumdar
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello and welcome along to another scintillating episode of Dramatic Primetime Television.
00:28It's Guy Montgomery's Going On Spelling Bee!
00:30If you saw our first episode, you'll be familiar with the plot points.
00:37I am both the protagonist and antagonist of the show, Guy Montgomery.
00:42Other people have to spell words and I don't.
00:44Beside me are four of Australia's finest comedy minds who are about to compete in a battle
00:50of mental prowess as we find out who is the best at spelling.
00:54And who will then win this, a one-way ticket to compete in the highly anticipated episode
00:58three!
00:59Of equal fascination, who will represent themselves so poorly they'll be forced to sit on the
01:07lonely stool of self-reflection in an embarrassing hat with a put-down written on it.
01:12Now we're all up to speed, let's meet the competitors!
01:18Please welcome Geraldine Hickey, Peter Hellyer, Irby Majumdar and our defending champion Naseem
01:32Hussain!
01:33Well, with our pleasantries taken care of, let's get spelling!
01:42That's right, the spelling round.
01:43This show is nothing if not a fount of creativity when it comes to round names.
01:48You'll see in front of me three different vessels.
01:50Each alike an ability to contain words, but the words contained in each vessel are alike
01:55are not, are not alike, are different.
01:59This vessel is called the Coward's Cup and only the weak-minded amongst you would sup
02:04from this gutless goblet.
02:06Words in here are worth one point and are basically a free point.
02:10Beside the Coward's Cup, of course, is the person's purse.
02:13Those of you who consider yourself to be of average intelligence will most likely favour
02:16a word from this reasonable reticule.
02:19Words in here are slightly more challenging, but still attainable and as such are worth
02:23two points.
02:24This plucky pail contains words that there is a chance you dumbasses have never heard
02:29before, let alone know how to spell.
02:31It's called the Bucket of Bravery and a word within is worth three points.
02:35At our first podium tonight is a Most Outstanding Show winner at the Melbourne International
02:39Comedy Festival, it's Geraldine Hickey!
02:43Geraldine Hickey, please don't take the Geraldine Mickey, be honest with me.
02:51How are you feeling?
02:53Yeah, I'm feeling, am I ready?
02:55Yeah, I'm excited, I've been practising.
02:57Yeah?
02:58Yeah, I downloaded a spelling app.
03:00Truly?
03:01Yeah, but I got the free version so it doesn't tell me my mistakes.
03:07So it says a word.
03:08Yeah.
03:09And then you write it down.
03:10Yeah, effect.
03:11Is it effect or effect?
03:12Effect.
03:13Let's find out.
03:14And then it goes no, and I'm like, oh I guess you meant effect, but I'll never know because
03:17you get the right answer, $7.99 a month, no thank you.
03:22Well, Geraldine, which receptacle would you like to spell from?
03:26Go hard or go home, I'm going to go the Bucket of Bravery.
03:31Wow.
03:33From the Bucket of Bravery, your word is aneurysm.
03:37Okay, that's what you get in your head.
03:41Now remember, to help you out with spelling, you can ask for a language of origin, a definition
03:45or to hear the word in a sentence.
03:47I'd love to hear the word in a sentence.
03:49Well, the good news is that I'm still really good at telling when someone has had an aneurysm.
03:55Would you like to hear the bad news?
03:58Okay, aneurysm, it's A-N-N-U-E-R-I-S-M.
04:06That is incorrect.
04:07Was I close?
04:09Not really.
04:11Aneurysm is spelt A-N-E-U-R-Y-S-M.
04:16Just one N, muffed it from the start.
04:18And then got it wrong in between as well.
04:23Our second contestant is a familiar face to television audiences all over Australia.
04:27So long as those audiences are 35 years or older, it's Pete Harrier.
04:32Thank you, thank you, thank you.
04:37Pete, a piece of pumpkin eater.
04:39Is it true that you had a wife and, jeez, I hope I'm not delving into hot water here,
04:44still have a wife?
04:47No, we're married 21 years.
04:49Wow, congratulations.
04:52So you can take that pumpkin and shove it up your arse, mate.
04:56How are you feeling, man?
04:57Do you like the spell?
04:58I'm feeling good, I'm feeling good.
04:59I think I'm an okay speller.
05:02Tori Spelling was my favourite character on 90210.
05:05The over 35s will love that.
05:09And for those who are under 35, who's Tori Spelling?
05:13Well, of course, sorry, I'm Aaron Spelling's daughter.
05:19There's going to be some red hot Wikipedia tags up in tonight.
05:23Well, Pete, it's a pleasure to have you here.
05:25Which receptacle would you like the spell from?
05:27I'm absolutely inspired by Geraldine's choice.
05:29I'll go the coward one, thanks.
05:32Certainly.
05:33And from the Coward's Cup, your word is window.
05:37I need that in a sentence, please, Guy.
05:40I hadn't known her long,
05:41but there was something about her voice I felt drawn to.
05:44At first she felt far away, then sooner she felt close.
05:47I told her my deepest desires
05:48and she received them without judgement,
05:50merely replying, thank you for your order,
05:52please drive through to the next window.
06:01It's cleared it up for me.
06:02Yeah, yeah, do you want to hear a definition?
06:04Please.
06:05A peeping Tom's weapon of choice.
06:10Locking W-I-N-D-O-W.
06:13That is correct.
06:14Oh, thank God.
06:15Points on the board, points on the board, points on the board.
06:17Our next speller is a rising star of the Australian comedy scene
06:20with her own ABC Fresh Blood web series.
06:22Please make her feel very welcome, it's Irvi Majumder.
06:30Irvi, as we know from the title of your web series,
06:33you went to an all-girls school.
06:35Without the distraction of those pesky hot boys,
06:38learning how to spell words must have been a breeze for you.
06:41Yeah, I actually was smart.
06:45And actually, guys, I'm from India,
06:47and did you know that Indians are the best spellers in the entire world?
06:51I did know that.
06:52I'm actually probably Sri Lanka, but, you know, we'll fact-check that.
06:56Fact-check it all you want, because it's true.
06:59There's a billion of you, I mean, statistically.
07:01And to the over-35s in India, pick a side.
07:05The ABC, of course, massive in India,
07:07because they think it's a spelling channel.
07:12Irvi, which receptacle would you like to spell from?
07:15I think I'm going to try for the person's purse,
07:19because I'm your average girl.
07:22From the person's purse, your word is cigarette.
07:26OK, I wouldn't know anything about that.
07:30You should ask for a definition.
07:32Yeah, I don't know anything about it,
07:33so could you define it for me, please?
07:35Vaping for old people.
07:38Pete, you'd love that.
07:40Yeah.
07:41Could I also get the language of origin for that word?
07:44Post-coital.
07:48Don't know anything about that either.
07:52So, C-I-G-A-R-E-T-T-E.
07:57That is correct!
08:00Well done, Irvi, two points for you.
08:03And finally, the only good speller I've met in Australia so far,
08:06our first and only defending champion is Nazeem Hussain!
08:12Nazeem, we are honoured to have you back in our studio.
08:15In the great words of Australian Lara Bingle,
08:17how the bloody hell are you?
08:21Mate, I'm very excited, you know.
08:23I'd like to thank Tiger Parenting, I guess,
08:25and it's served me well, you know.
08:27I've actually started an app, a spelling app.
08:30There's a free version and a premium version.
08:34Can you book us up?
08:37I'll give you a discount code, 10% off.
08:39And so how do you feel about this new batch of competitors?
08:41Mate, I'm happy to pass the baton over to, well, probably Irvi.
08:48Well, Nazeem, which receptacle would you like the spell from?
08:51Coward's Cup.
08:53OK, from the Coward's Cup.
08:55Your word is computer.
08:58OK, I probably need to hear that in a sentence.
09:01Bill, why are you leaving?
09:03We're having such a good time on the island, said Geoffrey.
09:13I have to get home to work on my computer,
09:17said Bill.
09:22All right, C-O-M-P-U-T-E-R.
09:26That is correct!
09:29And with our first round behind us,
09:31let's take a quick drive by inspection of our scoreboards.
09:34We've got Irvi and Fran with two points!
09:38OK, with our simplest round of spelling out of the way,
09:42it's time to put on a different hat.
09:44Four different hats!
09:50That's right, it's the Hat Hat,
09:52and this is a game with rules so intricate and complex
09:55I simply cannot explain it on my own.
09:58So I doff my hat to the brightest man in show business,
10:01the human lightbulb, it's Aaron Che!
10:10Hi, Aaron.
10:11Hello, Guy Montgomery.
10:13Would you like to hear a riddle?
10:16Yeah, sure thing, man.
10:18Some people call this the socks for the head and others don't.
10:26What am I?
10:28A hat.
10:29Yep.
10:32Incredible.
10:33Well, Aaron, I see you've got an enormous hat there.
10:35Wow, Guy, it's great to see some of your observational comedy up close.
10:43I'm not kidding around, it's a big hat.
10:46It is a massive hat, Guy.
10:48I get all my hats made custom, sextuple XL,
10:52just so they can contain my twisted thoughts.
10:56And what sort of twisted thoughts have you got
10:58in that big hat right now?
10:59Well, Guy, today there's actually no twisted thoughts in this hat
11:03because this hat is being used as a storage facility for other hats.
11:07Oh, of course.
11:09Now, for this round,
11:10you'll find that Aaron currently has four different hats
11:13in that wearable storage unit.
11:15He's going to come down the line
11:16and each of you will put your hand into the hat hat
11:19to remove a smaller hat that you must immediately wear.
11:22Once you all have your hats on, you must spell your hat.
11:26If you spell your hat correctly, you get a point.
11:28If you spell your hat incorrectly,
11:30you must continue to wear the hat throughout the episode
11:33until your next correct spelling.
11:36Aaron, please distribute the hats.
11:41It looks heavy.
11:42And no peeking, you guys.
11:44Giz, you can go first.
11:45OK. It's pretty hard to peek.
11:56I'm going to get some weird ones.
12:03Is this how it goes? OK.
12:07Oh.
12:09Looking good, everybody.
12:12To help you in this round,
12:13you may ask for a language of origin or an occasion to wear the hat.
12:17All right, Nazeem, you're up first.
12:19Now, wowee, it looks like someone's been to university
12:22or, at the very least, a graduation gown hire shop.
12:27You're wearing a mortarboard.
12:29Your word is mortarboard.
12:31So, OK.
12:34Mortarboard. OK.
12:36M-O-R-T-A-R-B-O-A-R-D.
12:41Mortarboard.
12:44Five out of five for spelling,
12:46but that pronunciation was mad at me.
12:48That is correct!
12:56Sorry.
12:57She's all right, though. I didn't actually hit it.
12:59It missed, right?
13:00Can you get her saying that on camera?
13:02It missed.
13:04Well, congratulations, Nazeem.
13:06Irvi, that hat really rounds out the ensemble.
13:09Don't worry, I won't be throwing this one out to the audience.
13:13I've always thought Italians are the best at fashion.
13:16It's something I've always said.
13:18I reckon they probably peaked, though, in the 15th century,
13:22when they were designing these stunning visorless helmets
13:26with eye holes to see their enemies
13:28and mouth holes to eat at the pasta.
13:33LAUGHTER
13:37Your hat and word is barbute.
13:40Mm. Barbute.
13:42OK. Could I get a language of origin?
13:45Old Italian.
13:48And whatever the other one was you just said. Occasion?
13:51An occasion.
13:52Standing really still behind a glass cabinet in a museum
13:55so that you get to stay after it closes.
13:59Could you just tell me the word again?
14:01Barbute. Barbute.
14:03OK. Um...
14:04B-A-R-B-E-A-U-T-E.
14:10That is incorrect.
14:12I'm so sorry.
14:14Barbute is spelled B-A-R-B-U-T-E.
14:19Does that mean I have to wear this? Yes, big time.
14:21Are you kidding me?
14:22Is this OK? Is this my prize for the rest of the whole episode?
14:25Until you next spell a word correctly.
14:27OK. I've got to get something.
14:29OK, next one. You guys are going down.
14:31LAUGHTER
14:35Either by spelling or by force.
14:37LAUGHTER
14:40Now, moving on to Pete.
14:42That is a fantastic piece of hair gear, my bonnie lad.
14:46It's the Temo Shanta, named after the hero...
14:50LAUGHTER
14:53..of Robert Burns' iconic 18th-century poem.
14:57It's named a Temo Shanta because beret is too hard to say
15:00in a Scottish accent.
15:03Beret!
15:05Your word is Temo Shanta.
15:08Tam-o... Shanta.
15:11Mm. It's in Tamagotchi.
15:15Young people's reference.
15:18Thanks, Aaron.
15:19That's an awesome reference, Pete.
15:21I would love... I'm buying time now.
15:23I would love some more time, so can you give me a reference, please?
15:26You would like an occasion? An occasion, please.
15:28Dressing up as a Scottish person at a fancy dress party.
15:31One of the few remaining cultures you can dress up as.
15:34LAUGHTER
15:36And talk like.
15:39And Italian, apparently, as well.
15:41Yeah, I mean, I'm basically just doing the white ones at this point.
15:44LAUGHTER
15:46I was doing Chinese backstage, but Aaron told me it's a big...
15:50Taboo actually means go ahead in Mandarin.
16:01OK, what's the word again?
16:03Temo Shanta. Temo.
16:05T...
16:09A-M-O-S...
16:13S...
16:17H-A-N-T-Y...
16:21And I know it's Scottish,
16:23it'll be a G and a K in there for no reason.
16:27LAUGHTER
16:29It's not... Whatever, whatever.
16:31Lucky that looks good on you.
16:33That is incorrect.
16:34But, I mean, you were on your merry way
16:36and then just totally capitulated.
16:38T-A-M-O... Yeah.
16:41T-A-M-O-G... S-H-A-N-T-E-R.
16:47It's a very gettable hat, my man.
16:49Is there a close enough kind of rule?
16:51No, there's nothing of the sort.
16:53LAUGHTER
16:54Yeah, you got it right.
16:55I tell you what, your Tamagotchi's going to take one look at you
16:57and think, that guy looks ridiculous.
16:59LAUGHTER
17:00Geraldine.
17:01Whoa, it looks like someone here is worried
17:03about Roman Catholicism's increased influence
17:05on the Church of England.
17:07LAUGHTER
17:09Is anyone else here worried about Roman Catholicism's
17:11increased influence on the Church of England
17:13or is it just this capotain wearing pilgrim?
17:16LAUGHTER
17:18Sorry to tell you, Geraldine, but your puritanical views
17:20are woefully outdated here in the world of spelling.
17:23Your fashionable hat, however, is timeless.
17:26And that hat is a capotain.
17:28Oh, not a top hat, then.
17:30LAUGHTER
17:32I mean, it's a top hat, but it's not a top hat.
17:35You like that hat, Aaron?
17:36That's a nice hat, Geraldine.
17:38I think it suits you.
17:39Oh, thank you.
17:40What's your favourite type of hat?
17:42Um, probably a beanie.
17:44Something to keep my head warm.
17:46What's your favourite hat?
17:47LAUGHTER
17:49I actually learnt about hats today, so...
17:52LAUGHTER
17:56I just pretend I like them for the job.
17:58LAUGHTER
18:00Did you pick this one for me, Aaron?
18:02Because I'm not happy.
18:04You picked that one.
18:05LAUGHTER
18:07APPLAUSE
18:12Tell me what's it called again.
18:14A capotain.
18:15Capotain.
18:16C-A-P-O-T-A-I-N.
18:21That is correct!
18:22CHEERING
18:25Wow!
18:27Oh, don't have to put it...
18:29You can just chuck it at the crowd, they don't care.
18:33Oh, that nearly landed on your head!
18:35APPLAUSE
18:38What an incredible round.
18:39And don't worry about still wearing the hats, Pete and Irvie.
18:42I think they're very becoming on you.
18:44Becoming a pain in the arse, I'll bet.
18:46Now, let's take a look at our scores.
18:49We currently have Jez and Pete on 1 and out in front,
18:52Irvie and Naz on 2.0!
18:54CHEERING
18:56And now we know that,
18:58it's time to answer the three questions on everyone's lips,
19:01which are,
19:02what is our minigame for tonight,
19:04what is my favourite font,
19:05and what does a plane have on it
19:07before you take it to the panel beaters?
19:09The answer to all of those questions is...
19:11Wingdings!
19:12LAUGHTER
19:13MUSIC
19:16Can you believe it?
19:17It's so rare that one word can answer three questions at once,
19:20but here we are.
19:22For this minigame,
19:23you can see a word printed in the Dingbat font of Wingdings.
19:27LAUGHTER
19:28An idiot would call this bomb, wave, droplet, droplet,
19:31wave, droplet, droplet, wave, flag, flag, wave.
19:34But a smart would know the word in English.
19:37Your challenge is to translate the word back into normal letters.
19:41Closest translation wins one point.
19:43I'll give you all 30 seconds to figure it out.
19:45Your time starts now.
19:47And while you're doing that, a quick word from our sponsor.
19:51This week's episode is brought to you by the pile of books
19:55next to your bed that you haven't read.
19:58Want to spend a few days feeling like a person who might read a book
20:01and then the rest of the year feeling guilty for not reading books?
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20:07that you haven't read.
20:08Why limit dust to the tops of cupboards and shelves
20:11when you could introduce that dust
20:12to some of the greatest authors of all time?
20:15Or are they the worst authors?
20:16You've got no goddamn idea because you've never read these books.
20:20And you never will.
20:22LAUGHTER
20:24APPLAUSE
20:28And with our commercial obligations done and dusted,
20:31spellers, how are we looking with those wingdings?
20:34Translation.
20:35I'd love 30 more seconds, please.
20:37Your time is up.
20:39LAUGHTER
20:40Pens down, please.
20:41Jez, we'll start with you.
20:43The word is...
20:48LAUGHTER
20:50And tell us about your working there.
20:52I just picked a letter for each thing and then...
20:56..went, well, there's one bomb, so that can be a D, why not?
21:00And then...
21:01And then a hand can be an O.
21:03Yeah, I can flash forward from here, I reckon.
21:05Yeah.
21:07Yeah, I've just matched them all up and that's what I came up with.
21:10Pete, what have you done?
21:11I had bathers.
21:13LAUGHTER
21:15So, a bit like Geraldine, I kind of went word by word for one letter.
21:19I lost interest in that, so I went B for bomb
21:22and then I started going ahead a little bit
21:24and I saw the flags at the beach.
21:26Swim between the flags, everyone.
21:28And then you use your hands to get your bathers on and take them off.
21:32And...
21:33LAUGHTER
21:34And sometimes if there is a bomb near a beach, where do you go?
21:37Everyone, down to the beach!
21:39Bring your bathers if you can.
21:41LAUGHTER
21:42Bathers, thank you very much, Pete. Bathers.
21:44Very straightforward.
21:45Irby.
21:46OK.
21:47Um, I don't know, I'm in a little bit of a bad mood,
21:50something's just, like, weighing on my shoulders a little bit.
21:54So, I just decided to express myself.
21:57I went with a B for bomb as well
21:59and then I tried to match the letters up with what's there.
22:02And then you said, times up, and then I did that second little bit there.
22:06It's like, bull.
22:07And then I said, shat. Shit.
22:09Oh.
22:10I think it's bullshit, so, um, I'm over it.
22:12So, that's what I've got here for you.
22:14LAUGHTER
22:16But, yeah, that's my message. Thank you, Irby.
22:19And, Nazeem, what have you done?
22:20Um, it's one of my favourite places to visit.
22:22Um, a lot of Muslims and, well, people of colour travel here.
22:25Mississippi.
22:26Ooh!
22:28How'd you get that?
22:29I just saw a lot of doubles.
22:30And then I remembered the, you know, the rhyming song.
22:33What's the rhyming song?
22:34M-O-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P, you know.
22:36LAUGHTER
22:37Are you guys going to learn that instead of playing with your friends?
22:40All right.
22:41I know it's Mrs M, Mrs I, Mrs S-S-I, Mrs P-P-I.
22:46And I love that,
22:47cos it's like a group of women all having lunch together.
22:50LAUGHTER
22:51Yeah, it's a lesbian anthem from Mississippi.
22:53Yeah.
22:54LAUGHTER
22:55All right, very good.
22:56Can I see all of your working again, please?
22:58Have them up.
23:00And our winner is, well, you're not going to believe it,
23:03Nazeem Hussain!
23:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:07Unbelievable!
23:08That is the actual word!
23:11Speaking of those southern states, what?
23:13Do I smell barbecue?
23:15MUSIC
23:18Can you smell what Aaron is cooking?
23:21For those of us in the studio, the answer is yes.
23:24For anyone watching at home with smell-o-vision, also yes.
23:28For anyone who's watching using old technology,
23:31the answer is sadly no.
23:33But can you spell what Aaron is cooking?
23:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:42It's the question we're asking our contestants in this round.
23:45Aaron is going to prepare one of his four signature dishes
23:48while talking us through his process and ingredients.
23:51Contestants will then have to correctly identify and spell
23:55whatever delectable dish Aaron is preparing.
23:57All right, Aaron, what sort of ingredients
23:59have you got rocking over there?
24:01The vibe of the kitchen is it's got a lot of happiness,
24:04so we've got the ingredients of lots of jokes,
24:07lots of laughs and horse meat.
24:10LAUGHTER
24:13All right.
24:15Let's get into it.
24:16Now, to help you out in this round, to identify your spelling,
24:20you can ask for what the meal pairs well with or for a cooking tip.
24:25Now, Geraldine... Yes.
24:27..as you're currently in a tyre blast place,
24:29you can enjoy the honour of spelling first.
24:32Over to you, Aaron.
24:33OK, well, for our first dish, we have the ingredient called flour.
24:38You're going to want to sprinkle that all over your workbench.
24:42Kind of see how that goes.
24:44LAUGHTER
24:46Then we've got what we call dough,
24:49and we're going to want to put that dough right on...
24:53LAUGHTER
24:56..kind of right there.
24:57That's kind of traditionally how it's done,
24:59and you're going to want to kind of get this into a pizza-type shape
25:04using a... I mean, sorry, a shape.
25:06LAUGHTER
25:09There we go. That's not bad.
25:11LAUGHTER
25:13And next up, we obviously have a beautiful sauce.
25:17It's a red sauce, and, Guy, why is it red?
25:20That's no secret.
25:22Because it's got tomatoes.
25:24LAUGHTER
25:26You're going to spread that all along there nicely.
25:30We've got some fresh mozzarella.
25:33LAUGHTER
25:36We just get that across there like that.
25:40And then basil leaves to finish it off.
25:43And then whack that onto your tray.
25:46LAUGHTER
25:48Then bang-bong it into the oven.
25:52While that cooks, Geraldine,
25:54please spell the name of the dish Aaron has prepared.
25:57It's important to pay attention to the ingredients
25:59Aaron so effortlessly used.
26:01Yes.
26:02Well, yeah, I'd love to know a pairing.
26:04Depending on where you get it,
26:06it's either a medium-bodied Chianti
26:08or a loaf of dry garlic bread, two chocolate mousses
26:11and a litre of Mountain Dew.
26:13LAUGHTER
26:18Um, so I'm spelling what he just made?
26:22Yes.
26:23OK.
26:24So, what a delicious-looking margarita pizza you were making.
26:30Am I on the right track? Thanks for saying that.
26:32Well, I only accept answers in the form of spelling.
26:36But there was one other... I can ask one more thing.
26:38You can ask for a cooking tip.
26:40Oh, yeah, that's what I'd need, a cooking tip, please.
26:43You got one, Aaron?
26:45Um, kind of always be making sure
26:49that you have all the ingredients.
26:53LAUGHTER
27:00And that's on the house.
27:02LAUGHTER
27:06So, um, pizza, do you just want P-I-Z-Z-A?
27:13What am I getting wrong here?
27:16There's a lot going on.
27:18Yeah, there's a lot going on.
27:20Margarita pizza.
27:22Can you give me, like, a yes or no?
27:25I'm not going to tell you what type of pizza.
27:27OK.
27:29Would you spell margarita?
27:32M-A-R-G-A-R-I-T-A-P-I-Z-Z-A.
27:39I would love to find out if that's correct.
27:41Aaron, is your dish ready?
27:43Well, it's been cooking in the oven
27:45for the time we've been spelling,
27:47and this is kind of what came out.
27:50Oh, wow!
27:52APPLAUSE
27:55That is indeed a tasty-looking margarita pizza,
27:58but it's my solemn duty, Geraldine, to tell you that...
28:00Oh, cos you've got a H in there.
28:02..is not how you spell it.
28:04You seem incredibly annoyed.
28:06Yeah, because I didn't know what was going on!
28:09LAUGHTER
28:10There's a lot happening!
28:12Like, what do you want me to spell?
28:14Do you want me to ask questions about cooking?
28:16I don't know!
28:17LAUGHTER
28:18What is this, spelling or cooking?
28:21What's happening?
28:22Margaret, what...
28:24Do you want pizza?
28:26Margarita is what we wanted it spelled.
28:29M-A-R-G-H-E-R...
28:31H-R-I-T-A, whatever!
28:33LAUGHTER
28:35Look, I mean, you absolutely crushed it.
28:37You just spelled the word wrong. It's not a big deal.
28:40Sorry, Geraldine, but it could be worse.
28:42You could be wearing a hat.
28:44LAUGHTER
28:46What have we got next?
28:47Well, Pete, you're tied for last place on one point currently.
28:50Aaron, what have you got for Pete?
28:52First off, you want to start with your garlic.
28:55These kind of create a beautiful smell in the dish.
28:58I'm going to put in onions next.
29:01And then we got some beautiful squids.
29:04We're going to chuck that in.
29:06And then some chorizo.
29:09LAUGHTER
29:11Put that in.
29:12And then some chicken as well.
29:15Bit of every creature in there.
29:17LAUGHTER
29:19No animals are real safe.
29:21It's kind of like the... A bit like the Noah's Ark of food.
29:24LAUGHTER
29:26And then I'm going to put in a rice.
29:29So keep that in mind.
29:31And I'm going to finish that off with some beautiful stock.
29:37LAUGHTER
29:41And then this is one of the most precious ingredients.
29:44The name is saffron, Pete.
29:46You ever had saffron before?
29:48I'm wearing it now.
29:50And there you go.
29:51That's the beautiful dish.
29:53Bing bang bong.
29:54I'm going to put that into the...
29:56Onto the... The burners are kind of below.
29:59LAUGHTER
30:01I'm going to whack that on and it's over to you guys.
30:06It smells great already, despite most of it being entirely raw.
30:09LAUGHTER
30:11Pete, it's time for you to spell what Aaron is cooking.
30:14Mmm. I believe it's paella.
30:18LAUGHTER
30:20Yes, they won't do anything until you say it.
30:23They don't know what you're talking about, Jeremy.
30:26LAUGHTER
30:28P-A-E-L-L-A.
30:32Aaron, it's chicken on that dish.
30:34Well, this has been cooking for a minute now and...
30:37LAUGHTER
30:39Would you believe it?
30:41Looks to me like paella and that is exactly how you spell it.
30:43Congratulations!
30:45You can take it off.
30:47Oh, yeah!
30:51Very happy for you, Pete. Feels good?
30:53It feels nice. Feels nice. I'm free now.
30:56You've got to enjoy it when you get it off.
30:58Yeah. Must be nice. Yeah.
31:00Guy, would you believe it?
31:02I didn't put them in, but there's prawns.
31:04LAUGHTER
31:10OK. Thank you very much.
31:12Currently in second place we have you, Irvi.
31:15Yeah. I'm feeling good. I'm resetting my attitude.
31:19I'm actually really happy to be in this hat and...
31:22LAUGHTER
31:23..I feel like it's hot and this is a new trend.
31:26It's a great attitude. Yeah, thanks.
31:28We'll go over to you, Aaron.
31:30Hello, Irvi. This is a bit more of a complex dish.
31:33Oh, great.
31:34First off, you want a couple of cups of kindness.
31:37Tuck that in.
31:39LAUGHTER
31:42A little sprinkle of good humour.
31:48You're going to want a bit of intelligence.
31:52A bit of style for good luck.
31:55And chocolates, even when it isn't your birthday.
32:01And there's definitely no red flags in this dish.
32:06And to top it off, some washboard abs for good measure.
32:11LAUGHTER
32:18And I'm going to bang that in the oven for a little bit
32:21and see what comes out.
32:24LAUGHTER
32:31I hope you get to take your hat off soon.
32:36OK.
32:38Uh, yeah, I've figured out what's happening here.
32:41It is a massive sabotage to take me down.
32:45You guys want me to have this helmet on permanently, that's fine.
32:48Um, can I have any chance...
32:50I wasn't even... I just, like, zoned out, so...
32:52LAUGHTER
32:54Enjoying the peering? Yeah.
32:56Peers well with a compatible partner for lifelong happiness.
33:00And it's something you cork?
33:02LAUGHTER
33:05Did my mum set this up to get me pregnant?
33:08Is this, like, her trying to get me to have a baby?
33:10I don't get it.
33:11OK, let's go through it again.
33:13Let me just have a second.
33:14OK, humour and intelligence.
33:16Humour, intelligence.
33:18Is it, like, a name of a person, or is it anything?
33:21It would be more of an abstract concept of a person.
33:24OK. I don't know.
33:26Uh...
33:27Like, a ghost?
33:29LAUGHTER
33:31Abstract.
33:33OK, G-H-O-S-T.
33:35Sorry. I might have just pulled out my fingers.
33:38Let's take a look what you made, Erin.
33:40I think it's ready.
33:42I'm just going to, um, take him out of the oven.
33:46Oh!
33:48CHEERING
33:50I thought I could smell the perfect man!
33:54Yeah, I feel like that is...
33:56This is definitely something my mum has set up, um, and...
33:59Your mum has not worked on the show.
34:02And I also feel like I should just say,
34:04for the record, I am single at the moment,
34:06so this is really...
34:08All right, well, let's give it up for this perfect man!
34:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:13All right, Irby, sadly, the hat stays on.
34:17No point for you.
34:19All right, we move on now to Nazeem.
34:21Erin, let's see what you've got for him.
34:23First up, I've got, um, chips.
34:25You know about this?
34:26I've heard of it, yeah.
34:27Kind of going to act as a base for this dish.
34:30And then on top of that,
34:31we're going to put some beautiful meat of lamb.
34:34Lay that on top.
34:35It's kind of like a layered dish.
34:37A lasagne of the night.
34:39LAUGHTER
34:41We're going to put on some hummus.
34:44And, um, sauce, brother?
34:47LAUGHTER
34:54I've got garlic and a bit of barbecue.
34:57Garlic and barbecue?
34:58Let's go for barbecue, yeah.
34:59I wouldn't have taken you for a barbecue man, but, um...
35:02Why wouldn't you have taken me for a barbecue man?
35:04Cos I think of you as someone with a quite complex palate.
35:08LAUGHTER
35:11And that doesn't really need cooking,
35:13but I'll whack it in anyway.
35:15LAUGHTER
35:17Well, I mean, that dish could be anything.
35:20But you should ask for a pairing.
35:22Yeah, you know, what do you...
35:24What do you pair this with, bro?
35:25Well, this can pair beautifully
35:27with about 13 beers and a taxi soiling fee.
35:29LAUGHTER
35:33Um, yeah, now, give us a cooking tip.
35:35So, um, do you cook much, Nazeem?
35:38A little bit, yeah.
35:39A little bit? Yeah.
35:41Well, keep it up.
35:43LAUGHTER
35:45APPLAUSE
35:48APPLAUSE
35:50Um, halal snack pack.
35:52H-A-L-A-L-S-N-A-C-K-P-A-C-K.
35:57Well, what have you got?
36:01Oh!
36:03That looks almost identical to the one you put down there.
36:06That is a sauce-heavy halal snack pack.
36:09We would have also accepted...
36:11HSP!
36:13APPLAUSE
36:18What a delicious, nutritious and challenging round.
36:22Let's see what these dishes have done to our scoreboard.
36:24And sure enough, Nazeem is out in front with four points,
36:28Irvie and Pete just behind on two and Jez on one.
36:31But also... Oh!
36:33Sorry, guys.
36:36I'm going to have to take that.
36:38It's the homophone.
36:40LAUGHTER
36:43The homophone round is surprisingly not really about communication.
36:47I will instead trace its origins back to my desire to annoy all of you.
36:52Homophones are words that sound the same yet are spelled differently.
36:56In this round, I will give you one fairly straightforward word to spell.
37:00Your job, as ever, is to correctly spell the word.
37:04If you're feeling confused on your turn,
37:06you can ask to hear the word in a sentence.
37:08Over to you, Geraldine.
37:10Sure, let's go.
37:11Your word is greater.
37:14Yes.
37:16And I would love that in a sentence, please.
37:19I have to say, I'm better at shredding cheese than you are.
37:23Don't take it personally, I just have a greater-greater.
37:27LAUGHTER
37:32Yeah, cool.
37:33Well, obviously it's greater, so it's G-R-A-T-E-R.
37:39G-R-A-T-E-R.
37:41That is correct!
37:43CHEERING
37:45Really nice.
37:47On to you now, Pete.
37:48Yes, Gar.
37:49Your word is sachet.
37:52LAUGHTER
37:54Sentence, please, Gar.
37:56Nothing like parading flamboyantly into the lounge
37:59to ask my housemates how they'd like their instant noodles.
38:02I mean, who doesn't like to sachet with a sachet?
38:05LAUGHTER
38:10S-A-C-H-E-T.
38:14That is correct!
38:16CHEERING
38:18Very clear.
38:20Good job.
38:24How are you feeling, Irvi?
38:26I am praying to God that this works out for me.
38:30OK.
38:32Irvi, I reckon everyone is rooting for you.
38:36LAUGHTER
38:39Are you ready? Yeah.
38:41Your word is mane.
38:43OK. Can you put it in a sentence?
38:45So, before delivering the sentence,
38:47it's important to know that I spend a lot of my downtime
38:50in a polyamorous relationship with a pride of lions...
38:53LAUGHTER
38:55..in the north-east of the United States of America.
38:58LAUGHTER
39:00OK.
39:01And so, with all of that in mind... Yeah.
39:04..my primary partner had just got a haircut
39:07and we took a holiday in the pine tree state.
39:10The mane on my mane piece was looking good in Maine.
39:13LAUGHTER
39:15OK. Yeah.
39:18All right.
39:20This is a bit of a make-or-break moment for my sanity.
39:24You've got this, Mark. Sorry.
39:26M-A-Y-N-E.
39:30LAUGHTER
39:34That is...
39:37..incorrect.
39:39Are you for real?
39:45Guys, wait. Oh, no.
39:47I feel like that's not even a word, right?
39:52Can I have one more go?
39:59I'm really sorry, you can't.
40:01All right.
40:03I was looking for the state of Maine.
40:06M-A-I-N-E.
40:09But what you spelled...
40:13..doesn't exist.
40:21OK. All right.
40:23Just breathe, you know? Just breathe.
40:25That's cool.
40:26OK.
40:27Nazeem, you're last in this round and your word is buy.
40:34Can I put it in a sentence?
40:36Certainly.
40:37I was standing at the counter of my local record store,
40:40waiting to purchase a casingle of my favourite NSYNC song.
40:45While waiting in the line,
40:46I struck up a conversation with the person next to me,
40:49who began telling me they were attracted to both men and women.
40:55Before I knew it, I was at the front of the queue
40:57and the teller said,
40:59To which I replied,
41:12OK, OK.
41:13B.
41:16Strong start.
41:19Which one?
41:20I.
41:21That is incorrect.
41:25I was looking for buy.
41:28You fool.
41:31And so, as we approach our last round,
41:33the scores are Jez and Irby on two, Pete on three
41:36and Nazeem still in front on four points.
41:41Now, what's that?
41:43Is that the buzz of a mosquito in my ear,
41:45taunting me after stealing my blood, like Danny Ocean does
41:49to Andy Garcia's character in Ocean's Eleven,
41:52after he robs his casino?
41:54No, it's not.
41:55It's the buzz of the buzz round.
42:01The buzz round.
42:02Nazeem knows it, for the rest of you, I'll catch you up.
42:05The buzz round employs the unique and bespoke
42:07panel show technology of buzzes.
42:10This is an all-play, quick-fire round.
42:12In it, I will read words from a carefully curated list
42:15and if you hear a word you know how to spell, buzz in.
42:18Spell the word correctly, a point is yours directly.
42:20Make a small mistake, a point of yours I'll take.
42:24Got an answer?
42:25Well, you should have buzzed faster.
42:28For this round, I'll require the selection of a topic
42:31and, Irby, seeing as you really need the help,
42:35I will brighten your day by giving you the power of choice.
42:38Would you like Olympics, cars, the zoo or sexy?
42:45Um, for the team, I'll go sexy.
42:48Alright, sexy it is.
42:50And in the great words of Guy Montgomery, let's start spelling.
42:56Ménage à trois.
42:58Oh, go ahead, Jureen.
42:59M-E-N-A-G-A-I-S-T-I-E-S.
43:07Incorrect.
43:08Scintillating.
43:09Go ahead, Jureen.
43:12C-I-N-T...
43:17Keep spelling.
43:20You got it wrong, don't worry about it.
43:23Consent.
43:25Go ahead, Irby.
43:26C-O-N-S-E-N-T.
43:29That's correct!
43:31Yes!
43:33Oh, my God, thank you guys so much.
43:37That feels so good.
43:40Boudoir.
43:41Go ahead, Irby.
43:42B-O-U-D-O-I-R.
43:45Correct!
43:47Awooga.
43:49Go ahead, Jureen.
43:50A-W-O-O-G-A.
43:53That is correct!
43:55Leather.
43:56Pete.
43:57L-E-A-T-H-E-R.
43:59Correct.
44:00Lace.
44:01Jureen.
44:02L-A-C-E.
44:03Correct.
44:04Undies.
44:05Go ahead, Nazeem.
44:06U-N-D-I-E-S.
44:07Correct.
44:08Ooh la la.
44:09Nazeem.
44:10D-O-H-L-A-L-A.
44:12Correct.
44:13Provocative.
44:14Pete.
44:15Dammit.
44:18P-R-O-V-O-C-A-T-I-B-E.
44:24Correct.
44:25Titillating.
44:26Go ahead, Irby.
44:28T-I-T-I-L-A-T-I-N-G.
44:32Incorrect.
44:34Tit.
44:35Go ahead, Pete.
44:38Thank you, Guy.
44:40T-I-T.
44:42Correct.
44:43Feet.
44:44Go ahead, Jez.
44:45F-E-E-T.
44:48Correct.
44:49Aphrodisiac.
44:50Go ahead, Irby.
44:51Okay.
44:52A-P-H-R-O-D-E-S-I-A-C.
45:00That is incorrect.
45:01Boom chicka wow wow.
45:06B-O-O-M-C-H-I-K-A-W-O-W-W-O-W.
45:15Incorrect.
45:16Lingerie.
45:17Nazeem.
45:18L-I-N-G-E-R-I-E.
45:21That is correct.
45:22You heard the voice of the spelling god.
45:23He is wise, he is omnipotent, and he said it's time to stop spelling
45:26because we have a winner.
45:28Look at the scores.
45:29For those incapable of doing basic maths, I'll tell you,
45:31Nazeem's done it again.
45:35Well done, Nazeem.
45:36You've earned the respect of your peers
45:38and the most valuable piece of core food in Australia.
45:41We'll see you on the next episode.
45:43I feel proud.
45:49And let's keep that clap going for the best in the business, Aaron Che.
45:54And for our final piece of business, we have a draw.
45:59Irby and Geraldine, you are both contractually obligated
46:02to take a seat in your new home.
46:04The most humiliating part of the studio.
46:06In a custom-designed hat, something you'll look forward to.
46:09No more hats.
46:10Can we please gently clap for Irby and Geraldine
46:13as they make their way to the dancer's corner.
46:17Apologies to all the smart women out there.
46:21I did want to show off my outfit, so this is a good chance.
46:25Thanks.
46:26Yeah, you can have a seat, mate.
46:28All right.
46:30That's our show for tonight.
46:32Please return again for our spellers,
46:34Geraldine Hickey, Peter Hellier, Irby Majumder and Nazeem Hussain.
46:39And join us next time as Nazeem takes on Cameron James,
46:43Ginny Chan and Tim Minchin.
46:45For now, though, you might as well call me Satisfye Montgomery
46:48cos I'm feeling very pleased with myself.
46:50We'll see you next time.
46:51Goodnight!
46:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:00Thanks, Pete. You did amazing, man.
47:02Thanks so much.
47:03Well done, man.
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