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Parental Guidance Season 3 Episode 4 - Full Movie
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00:00:00This episode of Parental Guidance contains references to self-harm and mental illness.
00:00:05Some viewers may find these topics challenging. Viewer discretion is advised.
00:00:12Parenthood is a wild ride.
00:00:14Mum and Dad are the best.
00:00:15They make our day.
00:00:16We love you.
00:00:17We love you too.
00:00:18And the stakes are sky high.
00:00:20Our young people, we say that we've got it under control. We don't.
00:00:25In this special event series of Parental Guidance, we've confronted the most critical issues
00:00:31facing families today. Screen time. Peer pressure. Body image.
00:00:37It's so important that we as parents educate ourselves about what's available to our children.
00:00:42And giving parents the tools to find a way through.
00:00:46This is a life experience that we will learn from and grow from and implement.
00:00:51Thanks for that.
00:00:53Tonight, in the final of these groundbreaking investigations.
00:00:57We have an incredible mental illness challenge in this country.
00:01:01I was scared to tell people.
00:01:03And it was tough.
00:01:04It's the invisible crisis crippling the nation.
00:01:08I've been to the mental hospitals with him. I've been on the street with him.
00:01:12How can parents help lay the foundations for good mental health?
00:01:17You're being mean.
00:01:18I'm not being mean.
00:01:19If I was your daughter, would I be able to come to you to tell you that?
00:01:22I don't have that problem, and I won't have that problem.
00:01:26An eye-opening look.
00:01:27You can do it, buddy.
00:01:28Into the best ways to support our kids' emotional well-being.
00:01:32There's no growth in your comfort zone.
00:01:34Yeah.
00:01:35And set them up.
00:01:36Yeah!
00:01:37For mental resilience.
00:01:39I'm proud of you. You're so brave.
00:01:41I can do it.
00:01:42I can do it, buddy...
00:01:43I can do it...
00:01:44...just day...
00:01:45...to learn a little more.
00:01:46What are you doing here?
00:01:47I can do it.
00:01:48Hi.
00:01:49Nice to meet you.
00:01:50You, too.
00:01:50Hi, Amanda and Hassan.
00:01:51How are you?
00:01:52Good.
00:01:53How are you?
00:01:53Ready to go?
00:01:54Absolutely.
00:01:55Very excited.
00:01:56Hey, panel parents.
00:01:57Hi, guys.
00:01:58Nice to see you.
00:01:59Nice to see you too.
00:02:00Hey Amanda and Hassan, how are you?
00:02:01Good.
00:02:02How are you?
00:02:03Ready to go?
00:02:04Absolutely.
00:02:05Very excited.
00:02:06Hey panel parents, hi guys.
00:02:09Welcome to the Parenting Olympics.
00:02:12Now there are no medals, there is just the glory of knowing you might have done it right
00:02:17and you got through another day.
00:02:20This side of the room, you're back in the hot seat, you are our focus parents.
00:02:28And over here, you guys, you're our panel parents.
00:02:32So watch carefully and take notes.
00:02:35You'll be voting at the end of the night on who you learnt the most from.
00:02:40Tonight we are diving into one of the most important and challenging topics in parenting.
00:02:47Mental health.
00:02:49As parents, there's a lot we can do to build the foundations for our children's best possible mental health.
00:02:56Tonight we will explore how we can raise resilient and confident kids in a world that kind of feels more overwhelming than ever.
00:03:05And how to tackle the tough moments when they arise.
00:03:08Right now, mental health issues among kids and young adults are at an all time high.
00:03:15Australia is in the middle of a mental health crisis, particularly for young people.
00:03:22With stress, anxiety, depression and self-harm all on the rise.
00:03:29As parents, the strongest defence is helping kids build emotional wellbeing, connections and resilience.
00:03:37All right, focus parents.
00:03:41Remind us of your parenting styles.
00:03:44Josh and Cassie.
00:03:46We are the life school parents.
00:03:47We live in our caravan.
00:03:49We learn from real life experiences while giving our kids freedom.
00:03:53Smile.
00:03:54As life school parents, we've travelled around Australia for the past three years, giving our
00:04:03kids lifetime memories.
00:04:05Our kids have experienced more than what most kids will in a whole lifetime.
00:04:10Everyone's so rushed these days.
00:04:12Our kids are much happier, much more relaxed.
00:04:15They're certainly not wrapped up in bubble wrap.
00:04:18If they hurt themselves, unfortunately, they hurt themselves.
00:04:21One of the biggest dangers wrapping your kids in cotton wool is that it doesn't build resilience.
00:04:26And then that's when we do have a lot of these mental health issues.
00:04:32Alrighty, our life school parents.
00:04:34You look like your best mates.
00:04:36Yeah, it's lovely.
00:04:37You know what I mean?
00:04:38You're all together.
00:04:39There's no argument.
00:04:40There's no conflict.
00:04:41There probably is.
00:04:42There probably is.
00:04:43It's a very well-rounded family.
00:04:46I am the second youngest of eight kids.
00:04:49And that really helped to shape the style of parents we wanted to be.
00:04:54Elvie and Sean.
00:04:56We are the authoritative parents.
00:04:58We have high expectations on children.
00:05:00We set strict rules and boundaries.
00:05:03Say cheese!
00:05:04Cheese!
00:05:06Christmas!
00:05:08As an authoritative parent, we set a lot of rules
00:05:12with high expectations for our children to follow.
00:05:15Esme, Stacy!
00:05:16Lunch!
00:05:18Better be quick.
00:05:19Otherwise, mums will come.
00:05:20Sometimes I can be quite mean to them.
00:05:22You're not stopping!
00:05:24I raise my voice.
00:05:26Now!
00:05:27Children who get used to people being harsh to them will build their resilience.
00:05:33We also believe in yin and yang.
00:05:37We do some mindfulness activities like yoga and massage.
00:05:43Mental health is super important to be a happy and also a successful person.
00:05:49Okay, what did we think of our authoritative parents?
00:05:58I completely agree with those rules and expectations.
00:06:02It's like I have to be the mean mum sometimes.
00:06:04I think that is not necessarily a bad thing.
00:06:10And Amanda and her son.
00:06:11We are the hard way parents.
00:06:13We do things the hard way.
00:06:15No shortcuts.
00:06:16It's hard on us, but great for the kids.
00:06:19Everyone say cheese!
00:06:21Say cheese!
00:06:22Yeah!
00:06:25We see a lot of parents take the easy way.
00:06:27We have a lot of screen time eating unhealthy food.
00:06:31You're just giving them a screen that you're sitting down,
00:06:32putting your feet up having a coffee.
00:06:34You're not parenting.
00:06:35It's the easy way up.
00:06:36Yeah.
00:06:37Good job!
00:06:38We give our kids a lot of praise.
00:06:40And it's all about making them feel good, so nothing goes unnoticed.
00:06:43I cleaned up the lounge.
00:06:45Ooh!
00:06:46I vacuumed.
00:06:47Well done.
00:06:48You can get a well done sticker.
00:06:49High five!
00:06:51We prioritise mental health.
00:06:53Always checking in on the kids.
00:06:54Are you happy?
00:06:55Are you sad?
00:06:56Because we're always around.
00:06:57You can see if someone's a bit young, we approach them.
00:06:58Are you okay?
00:06:59How are you feeling?
00:07:00If they come home from school stressed, let's go for a walk.
00:07:02Well done!
00:07:03Yay!
00:07:04You've done it!
00:07:06There's a lot to learn for that.
00:07:07We work together as a team a lot, and we do a lot of things the hard way, really.
00:07:11Yeah.
00:07:12I love that.
00:07:13I think it's good that you praise them.
00:07:14Every single day we praise them.
00:07:16We encourage them and motivate them.
00:07:17If they've done something, we always tell them, you've done a good job.
00:07:20We just try and praise them as much as we can.
00:07:24From my opinion, as authoritative parents, we kind of give them honest opinion,
00:07:30rather than praising them, good job.
00:07:32We give them an honest feedback.
00:07:35It's totally natural for parents to want to praise their kids.
00:07:39Unfortunately, what happens with praise is kids start to look to their parents for extrinsic validation,
00:07:46no matter what they're doing.
00:07:47Did I do this right?
00:07:48Did I do that right?
00:07:49We can create praise junkies.
00:07:51We're better off saying thanks, expressing appreciation, or encouraging our children to reflect
00:07:58and asking them if they think they did well and what they would do next time if they were
00:08:02to do it again.
00:08:04Okay, Nick and Sophia, how do you guys do it?
00:08:08We are the Positivity Parents, which means we take a positive approach to everything we do.
00:08:13In order to build confidence and self-esteem.
00:08:16Hey Besties!
00:08:22As Positivity Parents, we teach our kids to be kind, inclusive, humble and generous.
00:08:28You are powerful!
00:08:30You are powerful!
00:08:31You are powerful!
00:08:32We definitely build up our children's self-esteem every single day by doing positive affirmations.
00:08:38We've done it consistently for years.
00:08:40Never forget, you are a blessing!
00:08:44Sophia is able to work from home as a content creator.
00:08:47One, two.
00:08:48Hey Bestie!
00:08:49Hey Bestie!
00:08:51The Hey Bestie videos have been happening since Alex was two.
00:08:55The most views is 53 million.
00:08:58People have said that it's helped them with depression, that it's helped their mum who
00:09:02has dementia.
00:09:03The teachers have played it in school.
00:09:05Being kind to someone and being positive is never going to be bad.
00:09:12Affirmations in kids is awesome.
00:09:14And in ourselves as well, not just kids, but yeah, everyone.
00:09:17I love the positive message, it's very cute, but I probably wouldn't be comfortable with
00:09:22having my kids on TikTok.
00:09:24I'd be worried that they'd be looking for approval via the likes.
00:09:29We've never said, hey, Alex or Mila, this video that you've done got 50 million views.
00:09:34They have no idea about that.
00:09:36If they didn't want to do it, you'd be okay with taking them off?
00:09:39I would be okay with that.
00:09:40Yeah, then it would be done.
00:09:42I'd never want to force my kids into anything.
00:09:45Okay, four different parenting styles facing the challenges tonight.
00:09:54Panel parents, don't forget to take notes.
00:09:57At the end of all the challenges, we'll be asking you to choose which parenting style
00:10:02equips their kids best for emotional wellbeing and mental resilience, the foundations of good
00:10:08mental health.
00:10:09You're going to be looking for which parenting style you think helps develop autonomy and
00:10:15competence, fosters healthy emotional regulation, creates a sense of belonging and encourages
00:10:23resilience and confidence.
00:10:26While there is something of a genetic lottery involved, there are a lot of things that
00:10:31we can do as parents to set our kids up to have the best mental health possible.
00:10:36The way that we support, the way that we listen, the way that we guide them can make an enormous difference.
00:10:43Shall we do a challenge?
00:10:45Yes.
00:10:46Parents are literally their kids' first role models.
00:10:51We want to see what they've learnt from you about empathy and caring for others.
00:10:56Both important elements of maintaining good mental health.
00:11:00We gave them a realistic toddler doll to look after.
00:11:05Do they know how to be nurturing towards the baby?
00:11:08How to meet its needs?
00:11:10So, what have your kids picked up from you?
00:11:14The role models in their life.
00:11:18Even at a very young age, kids copy what their parents do.
00:11:22In this challenge, we'll see what they've learnt about caring for a child from watching mum and dad.
00:11:27A crucial part of kids' mental health is feeling like their needs are being met.
00:11:32This challenge will show us what these children have observed about how to look after a child.
00:11:43Kids, we've got a message!
00:11:46How do you really parent?
00:11:48To find out, give your children a chance to act as parents.
00:11:53The new baby is waiting.
00:11:55Are you ready?
00:11:56Yeah.
00:11:57Sure.
00:11:58Ooh!
00:11:59How exciting!
00:12:01Our style of parenting is to be good role models for our kids.
00:12:04We do everything together as a family.
00:12:06There's a baby!
00:12:07Oh!
00:12:08With this task, I think the kids will do really well because they do this on a daily basis with their sister.
00:12:14We include everyone from Lamise down to Yusuf.
00:12:17Oh!
00:12:18Oh!
00:12:19It's okay!
00:12:20Rocco, do this!
00:12:21Do this!
00:12:22Do this!
00:12:23Say it's okay!
00:12:24Yusuf is really nurturing and caring when it comes to looking after his baby sister.
00:12:28Give her a bottle!
00:12:29Give her a bottle!
00:12:30I don't want to eat my breakfast!
00:12:32Say it's okay, baby!
00:12:33It's okay, baby!
00:12:34It's okay, baby!
00:12:35When baby Xana was born, Yusuf was very jealous.
00:12:40And the way we overcame that is we got him involved.
00:12:43Do you have her blanket on?
00:12:44Yeah.
00:12:45Her blanket.
00:12:46Bedtime.
00:12:47Yes, her bedtime.
00:12:48She doesn't cry.
00:12:49Shh!
00:12:50Oh!
00:12:51What's going on?
00:12:52Where do you guys go?
00:12:53She's sleeping.
00:12:54Oh, wow!
00:12:55Good job!
00:12:56Wow!
00:12:57Wow!
00:12:58Baby!
00:12:59Authoritative parents are given the daughters a lot of rules, so that makes it easier for
00:13:14them to copy those rules and then apply when they try to take care of others.
00:13:19I don't want to eat my breakfast.
00:13:22Why don't you want to eat your breakfast?
00:13:24If you don't eat the breakfast, no screen time for you.
00:13:27Real.
00:13:28Did you just cry after she said that?
00:13:33What?
00:13:34I'm just being mum.
00:13:37My children, sometimes they call me the most mean mum in the world.
00:13:43If you keep crying, no I cry for you.
00:13:45If you keep crying, no I cry for you.
00:13:46If you keep crying, no I cry for you.
00:13:47Yeah, that's right.
00:13:48No I cry for you.
00:13:50As an authoritative parent, I think we have a good guys and bad guys role.
00:13:56So Sean will be the one who comforts the children.
00:14:01Why won't it stop crying?
00:14:04What if we leave it here and just wait for it to stop crying?
00:14:09We did implement cry out approach really strictly.
00:14:1412 months of cry out approach.
00:14:17Even though Stacy cried really loud up to an hour, we still pretend not hearing that.
00:14:24We are.
00:14:25We are.
00:14:26We are.
00:14:27We are.
00:14:28We are.
00:14:29We are.
00:14:30We are.
00:14:31We are.
00:14:32We are.
00:14:33Okay.
00:14:34Hard way parents.
00:14:35Your kids did really well.
00:14:37The younger one did that really well.
00:14:38Yeah, he did.
00:14:39And I love that they were all very involved with him.
00:14:40Yeah.
00:14:41With the authority parents.
00:14:42There was a few points.
00:14:43They're crying it out for an hour.
00:14:44It's wild to me.
00:14:45Me too.
00:14:46I know some people it works for them.
00:14:47But it feels like a year for the baby.
00:14:48You're stressing the baby.
00:14:49It's not good.
00:14:50Yeah.
00:14:51I thought it would be uncomfortable.
00:14:52The baby cries for a reason.
00:14:53You need to find out.
00:14:54It's got wind.
00:14:55It's hungry.
00:14:56It's got a nappy.
00:14:57You need to find out the reason why they're crying.
00:14:59The first child, Esme, we did try the cry out approach with the company of Sean's on the bedside.
00:15:17So Esme actually, it was very hard to put her to bed.
00:15:21It didn't work for her.
00:15:22But I couldn't handle it.
00:15:24But Stacey, the second child, we kind of like have enough for the first child for not having good sleep.
00:15:31So did you feel that controlled crying worked with Stacey?
00:15:35Worked for the first 12 months.
00:15:38I did it with one of the girls.
00:15:40She screamed from probably 7pm till 3am every single night, all night.
00:15:46It was horrific.
00:15:47And I think it actually had a really detrimental effect on her beginning.
00:15:53From a mental health perspective, some parents will say, we've got to try this.
00:15:58It's the only way we're going to get through.
00:16:00In terms of research around the children, nobody should be doing this with a baby below 6 months of age.
00:16:07Similarly, nobody should be leaving a baby in the room all night to cry it out.
00:16:12There comes a point where you must intervene.
00:16:15Our children need to know that we're there for them.
00:16:18This would all be so much easier if we had a village around us who could come in and take the load off for a night or two so that you can get the sleep that you need.
00:16:26Unfortunately for too many of us, society doesn't work that way anymore.
00:16:30But this is one of our great challenges.
00:16:32Coming up in the final instalment of our special event series.
00:16:38You get to work with everything.
00:16:40The kids spill the tea.
00:16:41Her favourite thing to do is get a matcha and just lay on the couch.
00:16:47Temperatures rise with the year's most heated debate.
00:16:50I'm really anti that boys will be boys.
00:16:53We should be very careful not to feminise our males.
00:16:56And later, one of the country's favourite TV personalities.
00:17:01David Campbell.
00:17:02Pulls back the curtain on his own mental health struggles.
00:17:06I shut down.
00:17:08I was scared to tell people.
00:17:10Then, which parenting style has the best approach.
00:17:14Ticked all the boxes and moved along.
00:17:15That still didn't sit well with me.
00:17:17When it comes to mental health.
00:17:19The family that we've learnt the most about mental health was...
00:17:29We're talking about how to give kids the foundations for the best possible mental health.
00:17:35We're in the middle of a challenge testing what the focus kids have learnt about meeting a child's needs.
00:17:41A key element of emotional wellbeing.
00:17:44Alright, so, let's have a look at how our next two families went.
00:17:49Seeing how a child parent's adult can tell us quite a lot about how the child parented or how they perceive parenting.
00:17:57In this challenge, we're looking for what the kids have learnt from their parents when it comes to nurturing and empathy.
00:18:03I'm going to be the mum.
00:18:04I'm going to be the mum.
00:18:05I'm going to act like dad.
00:18:06I'm going to be the mum.
00:18:07As positive parents, we definitely do fall into a traditional family role.
00:18:24Every day at home, I do all the things that, you know, mum does.
00:18:27I cook, I clean, I shop, I take care of the kids.
00:18:30I take them absolutely everywhere.
00:18:32I take care of Nick.
00:18:33It is a traditional role, but then again, it's not.
00:18:36Because he'll then load the dishwasher.
00:18:39She's hungry.
00:18:46The things that they did that worked well was they were being extremely attentive to whatever the baby was asking for.
00:18:53Hey, I'm not feeding her.
00:18:55I'm the mother.
00:18:56Give me her.
00:18:58Go and wash the dishes.
00:19:00No.
00:19:01You wash the dishes.
00:19:04The dad always washes the dishes.
00:19:07Hey.
00:19:08But then Mila wanted to be in charge of the baby doll.
00:19:12Yeah.
00:19:13And Alex, I could hear, was like, I'm mum.
00:19:16I need to be doing that.
00:19:17No.
00:19:18I'm the mother.
00:19:19I know best.
00:19:20Mums are older.
00:19:21Give me her.
00:19:22We can't break the baby.
00:19:23Give her to me.
00:19:24I'm going to dress her.
00:19:25Yeah, they could improve on...
00:19:27Sharing.
00:19:28Yeah, they could improve on sharing.
00:19:30Sharing.
00:19:31Go and edit your videos.
00:19:33I don't need to edit.
00:19:34I love my baby more than editing.
00:19:36I'm not going to edit anymore.
00:19:38Who was mummy and who was daddy?
00:19:40I was dad.
00:19:41Your mum?
00:19:42Yep.
00:19:43Daddy's changing Bonnie?
00:19:45Yep.
00:19:46Don't you think mum should have done most of the work?
00:19:50Who dresses you in the morning?
00:19:52You.
00:19:53Who dresses you for dance?
00:19:55Who dresses you when you finish dance?
00:19:57Like the only time dad dresses you is maybe if he gives you a shower.
00:20:00Yeah, we done that and we were putting the bj's on like dad does and then she snatched it off me.
00:20:07Can I just...
00:20:08Mila, I dress you all the time.
00:20:10Dad dresses us at night and it was my bedtime.
00:20:13I get it.
00:20:14I understand.
00:20:15Listen, I understand.
00:20:16I don't think you do.
00:20:17I'm just saying because you're saying that mummy doesn't dress you and stuff when mummy's always with you.
00:20:23You're being mean.
00:20:24I'm not being mean.
00:20:25I'm sorry that you think I'm being mean.
00:20:27I'm not.
00:20:28You guys did a good job.
00:20:29Both of you did a good job.
00:20:30Okay.
00:20:31It's alright.
00:20:32It's just a game.
00:20:35You don't need to take it so seriously.
00:20:37It's just a challenge.
00:20:39Okay.
00:20:40I love it how you said it's just a game.
00:20:43Are you telling yourself that?
00:20:45It's just a game.
00:20:46She said that dad dresses her at night time for bed.
00:20:49So was that not right?
00:20:50Sometimes.
00:20:51Yeah, no sometimes.
00:20:52Oh she does?
00:20:53So she was right?
00:20:54Yeah.
00:20:55Are you just like competing though?
00:20:57Like with...
00:20:58Like who cares who's doing it?
00:20:59No no definitely not.
00:21:00You or your husband.
00:21:01It's got nothing to do with competition.
00:21:02It's got to do with I'm taking care of my child and I hope she knows that.
00:21:07I just wanted her to be truthful.
00:21:10Was that about accuracy or is it more about you needing validation?
00:21:17Part of me was like she honestly doesn't think dad is the one dressing.
00:21:22I'm with them 24 hours a day.
00:21:24I'm raising a human that I want to be truthful and honest.
00:21:29Sophia, I think that you want your daughter to see things your way.
00:21:34Yeah but...
00:21:35Not that you want her to be honest.
00:21:37Oh okay.
00:21:38She's being honest.
00:21:39Yeah.
00:21:40And we've understood that Nick is involved in the dressing.
00:21:42Yeah.
00:21:43Because you want the validation, she's hearing that her view isn't right.
00:21:50She's being told to doubt her own voice and that you control the narrative.
00:21:54When our children don't feel heard, that's when they feel controlled.
00:22:00That's a good point.
00:22:01Yeah fair.
00:22:02It can erode trust, damage connection and have a lasting impact on their emotional wellbeing.
00:22:08Yeah.
00:22:11Parenting is the most thankless task that is out there.
00:22:16Our children will not appreciate what we have done for them until they become parents themselves.
00:22:23And until they start to grapple with the same sacrifices and challenges that we're making.
00:22:28Okay, we've got one more to see.
00:22:31Let's take a look at our life school parents.
00:22:37Oh!
00:22:38Alright, who's grabbing her?
00:22:40I'm gonna touch her.
00:22:41I'm gonna touch her up there.
00:22:42Bronson Will.
00:22:43Oh come on!
00:22:44You won't play mums and dads.
00:22:45Come on it's your turn man.
00:22:46When it comes to how our kids view us as parents, they would think we're easy going and
00:22:52give them lots of freedom.
00:22:54They've never necessarily spent time around babies.
00:22:57I'm expecting crying and the kids just not knowing what to do.
00:23:06Grab the dummy!
00:23:07Help me!
00:23:13That's a funny!
00:23:18You changed someone's diaper?
00:23:20Yeah I've done Kingsley's before.
00:23:21Really?
00:23:22I have.
00:23:23Oh I stand on it.
00:23:24Alright, it's gonna cry.
00:23:25You really don't want to cry.
00:23:26Stop!
00:23:27Stop!
00:23:28Stop!
00:23:29Stop!
00:23:30Stop!
00:23:31Stop!
00:23:32Stop!
00:23:33Stop!
00:23:34Stop!
00:23:35Stop!
00:23:36Stop!
00:23:37Stop!
00:23:38Stop!
00:23:39Stop!
00:23:40Stop!
00:23:41Stop!
00:23:42Stop!
00:23:43Stop!
00:23:44Stop!
00:23:45Stop!
00:23:46Stop!
00:23:47Stop!
00:23:48Stop!
00:23:49Stop!
00:23:50Stop!
00:23:51Off!
00:23:52Stop!
00:23:53and then, you know, they're playing.
00:23:56They're mucking around having fun.
00:23:57The boys were boys.
00:24:03And I'm really anti that boys will be boys.
00:24:06Like, it really does stereotype a type of behaviour that is not OK.
00:24:14I think it's very important whether you've got boys or girls at home,
00:24:17get them involved early.
00:24:18Don't stereotype.
00:24:18Because your young boys are going to be men one day.
00:24:20That's right. Yeah.
00:24:21I think we should be very careful not to feminise our males too much in society.
00:24:27Oh.
00:24:29But I think that it's OK if they wanted to be a little bit more feminine.
00:24:34Stereotyping that men should just be a certain way,
00:24:37I think can put a lot of pressure on men.
00:24:39I'm definitely not saying, like, oh, don't do that.
00:24:42That's a woman's job.
00:24:43But boys aren't naturally nurturing, you know,
00:24:48and they showed that there, you know.
00:24:49They can be.
00:24:50If a man has to change a nappy or cook and clean,
00:24:53it doesn't make it the best of a man.
00:24:55The first six to 12 months of the baby's life,
00:24:59especially if you're naturally nursing,
00:25:01the father is essentially non-existent.
00:25:03All it cares for is mum.
00:25:06Well, that can be controversial.
00:25:08So I try and help out, but my child doesn't want me.
00:25:12So mum's stressed because she's not getting a break.
00:25:14Do you know why on that?
00:25:15Because maybe the father didn't get involved early.
00:25:18My son's involved from when the baby's literally out of my stomach.
00:25:21I was pumping milk, he was feeding at night,
00:25:23and then I got up like...
00:25:23I guess what's rubbing me the wrong way...
00:25:25I didn't catch what you said the first time.
00:25:26No, no, no, no.
00:25:27I guess what's rubbing me the wrong way...
00:25:29Your thoughts are really, this is what goes on.
00:25:34Fair enough in your world around the people that you choose to hang around,
00:25:37that might happen, but that's not the whole world.
00:25:39Also, I do feel a lot of men in this society these days as well
00:25:45are not great men.
00:25:47I think we need to change that.
00:25:49I don't want my boys to go up thinking that
00:25:53I can't be that robust, even stoic type of man now,
00:25:57because it's not okay to tell the men that are like that
00:26:01they shouldn't be.
00:26:02We know that the more men ascribe to unhealthy ideas
00:26:09about what masculinity is.
00:26:11I have to be tough, I have to be self-sufficient,
00:26:15I can't seek support, kind of man box ideal.
00:26:19The more their mental health drops,
00:26:21the more likely they are to be abusive or be abused.
00:26:28I don't think that you should have gender roles,
00:26:30even from a young age.
00:26:31The boys...
00:26:32My girls play with trucks just as much as my boys will play with dress-ups.
00:26:36Same thing. We don't do gender in our house.
00:26:38And my boys' favourite colour,
00:26:39if you'd ask them right now, it'd be pink.
00:26:42It's more like identity than the role.
00:26:45Would you accept your boys wearing skirts
00:26:47as the normal appearance?
00:26:51Yeah, I would, honestly.
00:26:52I mean, we haven't come down to that.
00:26:54We haven't really had that conversation much.
00:26:55But if he really decided that he wanted to change genders
00:26:58when he was a teenager, that's a conversation we'd have.
00:27:02Identity, I believe there's a man and a woman.
00:27:04Yeah.
00:27:04Full stop.
00:27:06If my kids decided, well, they're not going to,
00:27:09but if they decided they were men,
00:27:10that wouldn't be an option in our house.
00:27:12So, very clear.
00:27:15Oh, my God.
00:27:17It won't happen.
00:27:18Strap in.
00:27:19Strap in.
00:27:25Identity, I believe there's a man and a woman.
00:27:27Yeah.
00:27:27Full stop.
00:27:28If my kids decided, well, they're not going to,
00:27:31but if they decided they were men,
00:27:33that wouldn't be an option in our house.
00:27:35But would you stop talking to them?
00:27:38No, we wouldn't stop talking to our children,
00:27:39but it won't happen.
00:27:41Yeah.
00:27:41I hope it doesn't.
00:27:42You should, like, you'd love your child no matter what, I think, so...
00:27:46You draw the line at a cat.
00:27:49You draw the line at a cat,
00:27:50so it's OK to change genders,
00:27:52but it's not OK to be a cat.
00:27:53Like, you know, there's no difference.
00:27:55If you're OK with gender swapping, then you may as well be an animal.
00:28:01It's man and female.
00:28:03Don't you think some people are born like that, though, don't you?
00:28:06No, I don't.
00:28:07You don't think people are born feeling a certain way?
00:28:10You don't think that at all?
00:28:12Because a lot of people do commit suicide
00:28:14because of how they feel about having those feelings.
00:28:18Like, they really are born that way,
00:28:20and they can't help how they feel.
00:28:21And if you're saying to your child,
00:28:23this is it, imagine if they actually felt that way
00:28:26and couldn't come to you to tell you that.
00:28:29I don't have that problem, and I won't have that problem.
00:28:32But how do you know?
00:28:34What you're saying is
00:28:35you're creating an environment in your household
00:28:37where it's least likely to happen.
00:28:39Correct. It won't happen.
00:28:41If I was your daughter and I felt like
00:28:43I wasn't feeling like a stereotypical girl,
00:28:47would I be able to come to you as your daughter to tell you that?
00:28:51They can tell me whatever they want.
00:28:54We have very open dialogue.
00:28:56But, like, you said, it's not going to happen.
00:28:58There's no way of that happening.
00:28:59It's not happening.
00:29:00So I was just concerned about that.
00:29:03As Christians, bringing the faith into it,
00:29:05we really need to be an open space
00:29:07for people that have these problems.
00:29:11I don't feel like it's a problem at all.
00:29:12It can be what you want.
00:29:14As long as you don't hurt anybody,
00:29:15what difference does it make?
00:29:16I don't care what you're doing.
00:29:17As long as you're a good, decent person.
00:29:19If my boy wants to identify as a girl
00:29:22and that is going to help towards mental health,
00:29:25do what you've got to do.
00:29:28There's got to be room for who you want to be.
00:29:30Who cares what you are,
00:29:32whether you're man, woman, gay, straight, they, them?
00:29:36To me, it doesn't matter.
00:29:37As long as you're a nice person, you're kind.
00:29:39I honestly don't care what you identify as.
00:29:41Australia has been one of the most progressive nations
00:29:46when it comes to embracing an affirmation approach
00:29:49to gender identity,
00:29:51specifically because of mental health challenges.
00:29:54The person who has confusion and challenge
00:29:56about their gender identity,
00:29:58they need absolutely unquestionably compassion,
00:30:02love and acceptance.
00:30:04Their mental health may deteriorate
00:30:07to a point where their life is in danger.
00:30:10There is no single right answer.
00:30:13We don't know enough.
00:30:15We just have to be compassionate, patient
00:30:17and provide the support that our children need
00:30:21if this happens.
00:30:25Having had this conversation,
00:30:26I don't feel my views have changed at all.
00:30:29I definitely am not open in this area.
00:30:30I stand by the fact a man is a man
00:30:33and a woman is a woman.
00:30:35That was a really rigorous debate.
00:30:38Thank you guys for all sharing your opinions on that
00:30:41and most importantly, with honesty and respect.
00:30:45OK, how about a little change of pace?
00:30:49I've got something absolutely fabulous to show you.
00:30:54We got to know your kids a bit more,
00:30:56including what they know about mental health.
00:30:59Would you like to hear what they have to say?
00:31:03Oh, gosh.
00:31:05What's mental health?
00:31:07What does that mean?
00:31:09Mental health is how you feel
00:31:11in your heart and your head
00:31:14and how you talk to yourself.
00:31:17Your inside feelings.
00:31:18Feeling your feelings, yeah.
00:31:19Like our own mental health
00:31:21is really important
00:31:23to help us become more resilient, yeah.
00:31:26What do your parents do when you're upset?
00:31:28When we're sad,
00:31:30they always find something to cheer us up.
00:31:33A really big hug.
00:31:34Mum said it's good to cry.
00:31:36Do you guys cry much?
00:31:38What?
00:31:38No, not a lot.
00:31:39I do.
00:31:40Not either.
00:31:40Not too much.
00:31:41Secretly.
00:31:42What do you cry about?
00:31:43I don't know.
00:31:44Brothers.
00:31:45Yeah, when they're annoying,
00:31:46like, he gets away with everything.
00:31:48Describe your mum to me.
00:31:51Her favourite thing to do
00:31:52is get a matcha
00:31:54and just lay on the couch.
00:31:56When my mum goes into a shop
00:31:59and she wants to get one thing,
00:32:03and then she will end up
00:32:04getting the hostel.
00:32:06What's the funniest thing
00:32:07about caravan life?
00:32:09I'm not telling.
00:32:10Secret.
00:32:11The van's shaking.
00:32:12You never want to know
00:32:15what that is at night.
00:32:18You can't hear the washing machine.
00:32:20It's the washing machine
00:32:20most of the time.
00:32:21Yeah.
00:32:22They buy us
00:32:23every toy in the world.
00:32:25We're spoiled.
00:32:26Yeah, we're spoiled.
00:32:27But our parents love us.
00:32:29That's good.
00:32:30Yeah, and me and my sister
00:32:32fight sometimes.
00:32:33Well, no.
00:32:34I don't mention that.
00:32:36Oh, Josh and Cassie,
00:32:43so many questions answered.
00:32:45How many loads of washing
00:32:46do you do a week?
00:32:49They will never know.
00:32:52Coming up...
00:32:53Let's go, Mila.
00:32:55Two eye-opening challenges
00:32:56that test our kids' resilience.
00:32:59We stop.
00:33:01We do have some expectation
00:33:03for their performance.
00:33:04You could have left
00:33:06a bigger gap.
00:33:07Shush.
00:33:17Tonight we're talking about
00:33:19everything to do with parenting
00:33:20to set your kids up
00:33:22with the foundations
00:33:23for good mental health.
00:33:26So, let's have a look
00:33:27at another challenge.
00:33:29We asked your kids
00:33:30to make a domino trail together.
00:33:32It seems simple.
00:33:34But for this to work,
00:33:35they're going to need
00:33:35cooperation, patience,
00:33:38and persistence.
00:33:40Essential skills
00:33:41when it comes to building
00:33:42good mental health.
00:33:44So, how do the kids
00:33:46handle a stressful situation
00:33:47when put under pressure?
00:33:49Do they keep their cool
00:33:50or do the domino effect
00:33:52get the better of them?
00:33:55Emotional regulation
00:33:56education is a vital skill
00:33:59for children
00:34:00to help them to manage
00:34:01their feelings
00:34:01and respond thoughtfully
00:34:03rather than react impulsively.
00:34:07In this challenge,
00:34:07we're looking at
00:34:08what the parents have taught
00:34:09their kids about
00:34:10coping with frustration
00:34:12and how they work together
00:34:14as a team.
00:34:15These are critical components
00:34:16of good mental health.
00:34:17I've got a message.
00:34:22Oh!
00:34:24Life can be tricky.
00:34:26Can your kids
00:34:27build a domino's trail
00:34:28using all the domino's?
00:34:30Parents, hands off.
00:34:32This is always on you.
00:34:33Oh, domino challenge.
00:34:35Yay!
00:34:35Oh, yeah, that's easy!
00:34:37Have fun.
00:34:38As life school parents,
00:34:40we teach our kids
00:34:41about the ways
00:34:42to deal with stress
00:34:43and life.
00:34:45We all have frustration.
00:34:46We all have frustrating times.
00:34:48It's the way that we deal
00:34:49with it that counts the most.
00:34:51See?
00:34:51Yeah.
00:34:52What's a shaky table?
00:34:55Can you stop?
00:34:58How many times,
00:34:59I have to tell you?
00:34:59Not too much movement.
00:35:04But as life school parents,
00:35:06it's super important
00:35:08for us
00:35:08that our boys work together.
00:35:10It's so much easier
00:35:11to win as a team
00:35:12than as an individual.
00:35:16I told you
00:35:17for a handful, mate.
00:35:19Okay.
00:35:20How about no one
00:35:21just not touch the table?
00:35:24I was thinking
00:35:24just starting
00:35:25from one end of the table
00:35:26and working our way down.
00:35:29Okay, you start
00:35:30going off like that.
00:35:32Alright.
00:35:33Do not move.
00:35:34Like, don't move a muscle.
00:35:36Stop that toe, man.
00:35:37Stop that toe.
00:35:38Alright, we're ready.
00:35:40I just want to say
00:35:41that you guys
00:35:41have done a very good job.
00:35:44Go!
00:35:44Yay!
00:35:46Yay!
00:35:48That's a strike.
00:35:51Where are the dominoes?
00:35:52I think it's on the table.
00:35:54Oh.
00:35:55As authoritative parents,
00:35:56I think it's quite important
00:35:57for kids to stick
00:35:59to difficult tasks
00:36:00even they don't enjoy.
00:36:02I think that
00:36:03the perseverance
00:36:04will go a long way
00:36:04in their future life.
00:36:08Concentrate.
00:36:12Just have to be
00:36:13concentrate, okay?
00:36:14Make sure you concentrate.
00:36:15It isn't as easy
00:36:18as she can do this.
00:36:19Daisy, don't shake the table, please.
00:36:20Concentrate, okay?
00:36:20Concentrate, concentrate.
00:36:23Nearly there.
00:36:25Shush.
00:36:26As an authoritative parent,
00:36:28coming from an oriental background,
00:36:30we do have some expectation
00:36:32for their performance.
00:36:33Concentrate, concentrate.
00:36:34Oh, damn.
00:36:35That's okay.
00:36:36Okay.
00:36:36We encourage our children.
00:36:39We want to be successful,
00:36:41be doctors or lawyers.
00:36:45You could have left a bigger gap.
00:36:48Stop speaking.
00:36:50I'm going to start joining in,
00:36:51hopefully.
00:36:54Okay.
00:36:55Okay.
00:36:56Three, two, one.
00:37:02Wow!
00:37:04So fast.
00:37:04So much success.
00:37:07I should have timed it
00:37:08how long it took.
00:37:11Panel parents.
00:37:13I thought it was good
00:37:14from the live school family.
00:37:16Kids didn't give up on the challenge.
00:37:17They still persisted
00:37:18and saw it through to the end.
00:37:19Especially with five in a caravan.
00:37:22No one even said once,
00:37:23this is garbage, I'm out.
00:37:25Could have been so easy for them
00:37:26to just go,
00:37:26this is too hard,
00:37:27we're not doing it.
00:37:28And you guys were nowhere inside.
00:37:30They ran their own shop.
00:37:32I felt the authority of parents.
00:37:34They were really present
00:37:35and very hovering over.
00:37:37Very critical.
00:37:38The very last thing is,
00:37:39I should have timed it.
00:37:40There wasn't time to praise it.
00:37:42It was done well.
00:37:43Do you think they would have
00:37:44worked together better
00:37:46had you not been in the room?
00:37:47Could be.
00:37:51Could be.
00:37:52Yeah, I felt like
00:37:53they were just craving
00:37:54to do it themselves.
00:37:56Your experience looked
00:37:57more outcome-based
00:37:58and Josh and Cassie's
00:37:59looked more experience-based.
00:38:01Yeah, so with if you want
00:38:02to get shifts on things,
00:38:03we have expectations on them.
00:38:05Yeah, because you made a comment
00:38:06about being successful adults,
00:38:08being either doctors or lawyers.
00:38:09Sure, sure.
00:38:10What if they want to be influencers?
00:38:11We have high expectations.
00:38:15We say,
00:38:15we think this is good for you.
00:38:17From a very young age,
00:38:19we start to instill
00:38:20different values.
00:38:22You need to have, like,
00:38:24stable income.
00:38:25Yeah.
00:38:25I'm more aiming
00:38:26for long-term success.
00:38:28Hopefully one day,
00:38:29they have their house.
00:38:30Life stability
00:38:31is most important.
00:38:33What happens
00:38:34if they decide,
00:38:36Mum,
00:38:36I'm going to be a hairdresser?
00:38:39Oh, they'll be regressed.
00:38:40No doubt.
00:38:41I have expectations
00:38:42on my children
00:38:43and they choose a different way.
00:38:44Of course,
00:38:44I would be very upset.
00:38:46There's more academic pressure
00:38:48on children than ever before.
00:38:50The three most important words
00:38:52that your children can hear,
00:38:55no matter what.
00:38:57My love for you
00:38:58is bigger than any academic choice
00:39:00you make or any career choice.
00:39:01I love you no matter what.
00:39:03It can have a huge impact
00:39:05on our children's wellbeing.
00:39:08Next,
00:39:09with mental health
00:39:10in the spotlight,
00:39:11We done that on purpose.
00:39:13tempers are tested
00:39:14when things fall apart.
00:39:17You want to put it up like this?
00:39:18No!
00:39:19And a devastating truth
00:39:21to have it end that way,
00:39:22it's really hard,
00:39:24silences the room.
00:39:25We're establishing the essentials
00:39:35of good mental health,
00:39:37including dealing
00:39:38with stressful situations.
00:39:40We're in the middle
00:39:41of the domino challenge.
00:39:42Should we look
00:39:43at our last two families?
00:39:46A simple game like dominoes
00:39:47takes persistence
00:39:49and emotional regulation.
00:39:51These are critical components
00:39:52of good mental health.
00:39:56Can your kids build
00:39:57a dominoes trail
00:39:58using all the dominoes?
00:40:00Parents, hands off.
00:40:01Oh, wow.
00:40:02How exciting!
00:40:04Our kids generally do well
00:40:05when they face
00:40:06a challenging task.
00:40:07The hard way
00:40:08is definitely not quitting.
00:40:09It's giving everything a go,
00:40:11even if you find it hard.
00:40:12You want to start from here
00:40:13then, move it around.
00:40:15Start from here.
00:40:16You want to help pick up?
00:40:22I've got to drop it
00:40:24on the phone.
00:40:31With Yusuf,
00:40:32it's always a surprise,
00:40:33but, you know,
00:40:34our style of parenting
00:40:35is we want to get him involved.
00:40:37The easy way would be
00:40:38keep him out of the task,
00:40:39don't get him involved.
00:40:40Take him out straight away.
00:40:41Give him some phone time.
00:40:42Give him some phone time.
00:40:42Give him a go.
00:40:43You want to put it up like this?
00:40:45I'll start from here.
00:40:48No, no, no.
00:40:48I'll start from here.
00:40:48No, no, I'll start from here.
00:40:49No, no, no.
00:40:49I'll start from here.
00:40:49No, no, no.
00:40:50I'll start from here.
00:40:51No, no, no.
00:40:52I'll start from here.
00:40:53No, no, no.
00:40:54No, no, no.
00:40:55Come on.
00:40:56Come on, come on, come on.
00:40:57Come on, come on, come on, come on.
00:40:58When Hassan and I see
00:41:00that, you know,
00:41:00it is getting really frustrating
00:41:02and the kids have tried,
00:41:04that's where us as parents
00:41:05have to step up,
00:41:06you know, just relax him.
00:41:07Do this instead, okay?
00:41:10We're done.
00:41:11Yeah, good job.
00:41:12Is that fun?
00:41:14We've done it!
00:41:14Yes, we've done it!
00:41:15Good job!
00:41:16Good job, guys.
00:41:20Fantastic, well done.
00:41:21There's nothing hard for us.
00:41:22We can do it.
00:41:25I think that was great,
00:41:26what you did there.
00:41:27The siblings did amazing
00:41:28at staying so calm.
00:41:29Yeah, they didn't lose it at him,
00:41:31which is what we teach them to do.
00:41:33Does Yusuf have
00:41:34any learning difficulties?
00:41:36He's only four.
00:41:37He does have some, like,
00:41:39difficulties with, like,
00:41:40sometimes understanding that
00:41:41all the attention, you know,
00:41:42can't be around him,
00:41:44so we're slowly always
00:41:45sitting with him,
00:41:46trying to calm him down.
00:41:48I would have handled that
00:41:49a little bit different.
00:41:51You removed him,
00:41:52and then went and played,
00:41:53like, a cool, fun game
00:41:55in another room.
00:41:56Yeah, yeah.
00:41:57His behaviour was rewarded
00:41:58with fun time somewhere else,
00:42:00with the way we parent our children.
00:42:02I would have just removed him
00:42:04from there,
00:42:05and let him watch on.
00:42:06Yep.
00:42:07The other siblings deserve
00:42:08a chance to do it
00:42:09without getting stressed
00:42:10or anxious as well.
00:42:11Yeah.
00:42:12So, we're just trying to be fair
00:42:13to the five of them, really.
00:42:17Okay.
00:42:18Let's take a look
00:42:19at our positivity parents.
00:42:22Well, you guys should win this.
00:42:23You play games all the time.
00:42:24Yeah.
00:42:25Yeah.
00:42:26We're planning to go
00:42:27into this challenge
00:42:28as positivity parents
00:42:29by being positive.
00:42:31We're going to encourage them,
00:42:34give them pointers,
00:42:35but we're not going to touch anything.
00:42:36So, you start making the trail.
00:42:40Oh!
00:42:42Oh, my God!
00:42:44I think one at a time.
00:42:46Hey, Ellie!
00:42:48You've done that on purpose!
00:42:49Why did you do that, Mum?
00:42:50She knocked it over like this.
00:42:52It's okay.
00:42:53Just start again.
00:42:54Because they're both leaders,
00:42:55I think it'll take a while
00:42:57for them to get the rhythm
00:42:59of getting into that team spirit.
00:43:02If I knock this over,
00:43:03I'm going to be...
00:43:04I'm going to punch myself in the face.
00:43:06What?
00:43:08Three...
00:43:12No!
00:43:13You can start again.
00:43:14You can start again.
00:43:15You've got to do it again.
00:43:18Listen, Mummy,
00:43:19you know when I say
00:43:20teamwork makes the...
00:43:22Dream work.
00:43:23Yeah.
00:43:24Are we doing teamwork right now?
00:43:29Ally!
00:43:30I didn't do that on purpose.
00:43:32I want to hear the positive talk.
00:43:34I don't want to hear the negative talk.
00:43:35We don't talk like that.
00:43:36Come on.
00:43:38You can do this.
00:43:40I'm literally drilling confidence
00:43:43into my children on a daily.
00:43:45Come on, we're almost there, Alex.
00:43:46You're almost there.
00:43:47Good.
00:43:48One more.
00:43:53High five.
00:43:54High five.
00:43:55High five.
00:43:56Teamwork makes them...
00:43:58Dream work.
00:44:03I feel like the two girls,
00:44:04like they were kind of working apart.
00:44:06But you encouraged teamwork a lot too.
00:44:07Yeah.
00:44:08You were like,
00:44:09come on girls, let's walk together as a team,
00:44:10which is great.
00:44:11They're big personalities.
00:44:12I want them to be confident.
00:44:13I want them to be strong.
00:44:15They were mortified when she was like,
00:44:17if we don't do this,
00:44:18I'm going to punch myself in the face.
00:44:20And we were like...
00:44:21Not really.
00:44:22It was almost like they wanted to punish themselves
00:44:23for not being able to do it.
00:44:24Yeah.
00:44:25Nah.
00:44:26They're just being characters.
00:44:27It's not them being, you know, negative or anything.
00:44:29They're just like, oh no.
00:44:30I know.
00:44:31Like, you know.
00:44:32Well, it wasn't just words.
00:44:33Like, she ended up...
00:44:34Ended up doing it.
00:44:35...punching herself in the head.
00:44:36Yeah.
00:44:37Did you speak to one about it?
00:44:38How did you handle it?
00:44:39No, because she's five.
00:44:42It's an anomaly.
00:44:43She's just like a kid being silly.
00:44:45Like...
00:44:46It's important that we consider carefully, though,
00:44:49the words that we're saying,
00:44:50because our words do create our world.
00:44:53They probably just did something dumb
00:44:55and they're giving themselves a little bit
00:44:56of a quick uppercut.
00:44:57I shouldn't have done that.
00:44:58How silly.
00:44:59How do we move on?
00:45:00But if it's a recurring theme,
00:45:01if that's what they say all the time,
00:45:03that's when we start to say,
00:45:04I wonder if there's something that we can do
00:45:06to make our brain and our self-esteem,
00:45:08the way we look at ourselves,
00:45:09a little healthier.
00:45:11Alex, she's named after my brother,
00:45:14whose name was Alexander.
00:45:16He had a mental illness.
00:45:19That has a lot to do with why
00:45:22we are positivity parenting
00:45:25and why we want them not to be sheltered,
00:45:28but to look to the bright side of life.
00:45:32Yeah.
00:45:33So I have a lot of experience with mental health.
00:45:37My brother, he took his own life.
00:45:40I've been to the mental hospitals with him.
00:45:45I've been on the street with him.
00:45:46I've been, you know, like, I've been there with him.
00:45:52You know, and then at the end of it all,
00:45:55to have it end that way, it's really hard.
00:45:58My kids never get to meet him.
00:46:00At least I can keep him alive by talking about him,
00:46:04by teaching my children about kindness.
00:46:07Just be there for people and be there without judgment.
00:46:12We have an incredible mental illness challenge in this country.
00:46:21In Australia today, we'll lose nine people through suicide.
00:46:27Seven of them will be men.
00:46:30And it will happen again tomorrow.
00:46:33One of the most important things we can do is teach our children to seek support.
00:46:39Those two words, support seeking, save lives.
00:46:43And yet the overwhelming majority of people who take their own lives don't seek support.
00:46:50They try to do it on their own.
00:46:52It's my hope that by having the conversations that we're having in this room today about these challenges,
00:46:59that we'll be a little more supportive.
00:47:01And that we'll find ways to lift one another up
00:47:04and help them to live lives where they are genuinely confident
00:47:08that their life is worthwhile, that their life is purposeful,
00:47:11that they're making a difference.
00:47:13Really appreciate you sharing your story.
00:47:15Well, thank you.
00:47:16Coming up, Father of the Year David Campbell gets honest about his own mental health struggle.
00:47:27I heard my son say, Dad's not well.
00:47:31And I looked at Lisa and I said, I'm done.
00:47:34Then...
00:47:35Oh, my God!
00:47:36An important lesson from the parenting handbook.
00:47:39Look, I'm scared of heights.
00:47:40It's really scary.
00:47:41There's no growth in your comfort zone.
00:47:43As the kids lie high.
00:47:46Oh, my God!
00:47:47Oh, my God!
00:47:48Oh, my God!
00:47:49Oh, my God!
00:47:50Oh, my God!
00:47:51Oh, my God!
00:47:52Oh, my God!
00:47:53Oh, my God!
00:47:54Oh, my God!
00:47:55Tonight, we're looking at how to lay the best foundations for good mental health for our
00:48:00kids.
00:48:01Who is ready to put a celebrity under the parenting microscope?
00:48:07Yes.
00:48:08Joining us in the parenting lounge is someone who was crowned Father of the Year alongside
00:48:15his dad, Jimmy Barnes, for their work ending generational trauma and championing the importance
00:48:22of good mental health.
00:48:24You know him from the Today Extra couch.
00:48:27Lucy, good morning to you.
00:48:28Good morning, T.C.
00:48:29He comes from Aussie rock royalty and continued the legacy with his own extraordinary singing
00:48:36and stage career.
00:48:37Please welcome singer, performer, host, and father of the year, David Campbell.
00:48:44Hi.
00:48:45How are you doing?
00:48:46Thanks.
00:48:47Thanks for digging.
00:48:48Hi, everybody.
00:48:49How are you doing?
00:48:50Good day.
00:48:51David, you have the most incredible life story.
00:48:57Do you mind sharing a little bit about your childhood and how it shaped your own mental
00:49:01health?
00:49:02So, I was born in Adelaide.
00:49:05Both my parents were 16 years old, and this is in 1973.
00:49:10So, it was a very different time.
00:49:13And my grandmother came in and she adopted me and raised me as her son.
00:49:17So, I was brought up thinking that she was my mother.
00:49:21I also thought that my mother was my sister.
00:49:25My father, he went on to be in Cold Chisel.
00:49:28He was busy.
00:49:30It wasn't until Jane Barnes married my dad, Jimmy, and she's like, he has to be a part of
00:49:38our family.
00:49:39And after that, my grandmother said to me, you need to know that Jimmy is your dad.
00:49:45My dad was the biggest rock star in the country.
00:49:48But then she said that, but that your sister is your mother.
00:49:53I was 10 years old.
00:49:55I just found out all of this information and I shut down.
00:49:59I did not cope with it.
00:50:01I did not know how to process it.
00:50:03And that was the beginning, I can tell, of trauma that lasted for a long, long time for
00:50:08me.
00:50:09David, will you tell us a bit about the mental health challenges that you experienced subsequent
00:50:15to or even during this period?
00:50:17I was an extremely anxious child.
00:50:20A lot of the anxiety I felt before then was probably to do with the ADHD not being diagnosed.
00:50:28Everything else I found out made it worse.
00:50:31Trauma about change, inherent neediness that Ali knows all too well.
00:50:36You're trying to navigate all of this family drama and you've got a mullet and acne.
00:50:42It's really difficult.
00:50:43And then I was scared to tell people because I didn't want them to judge me differently.
00:50:49David, you are now really close with your dad, Jimmy Barnes, but that hasn't been an
00:50:55easy road.
00:50:56I know along the way on both sides there's been abuse of alcohol.
00:51:02Yeah.
00:51:03You know, there's the picture that I had on my wall and probably a lot of other Aussie
00:51:07kids and men did too of him at the last stand holding up a bottle of vodka and a towel.
00:51:14And that sort of masculinity that he was showing was kind of toxic, you know.
00:51:22And so I thought that was how you had to act.
00:51:26Particularly when you become a singer, you know, they throw free booze at you.
00:51:30And the wilder you act, you get rewarded.
00:51:33And so by the time I realised I was starting to have more and more of a problem with booze,
00:51:42it had already latched on.
00:51:46So then when I had Leo, my oldest, one morning we were having our first holiday as a family
00:51:52and I couldn't stop being sick.
00:51:55I didn't feel like I drank that much compared to what I have drunk in the past.
00:52:00Almost didn't make the flight.
00:52:02Ooh.
00:52:03And it was tough because I heard my son say, Dad's not well.
00:52:12I looked at Lisa and I said, I'm done.
00:52:15I can't have him see me that way.
00:52:17He's three.
00:52:18I won't let that be a memory for him.
00:52:21Like all the memories that I can close my eyes and see in my head of my family, both sides,
00:52:27going through the same motions, the same cycles time and time again.
00:52:31Something has to give here.
00:52:33And so if that's me not drinking, then that's fine.
00:52:36And that was it.
00:52:37That was it.
00:52:38Last time you had a drink.
00:52:40Your journey, challenges, how you, you know, come to sobriety, all that sort of stuff.
00:52:46Right.
00:52:47Very much our journey.
00:52:48You guys are sober too?
00:52:49Yeah.
00:52:50Five years.
00:52:51Five years.
00:52:52I'm so pleased for you both.
00:52:55You've battled alcohol abuse, anxiety, ADHD.
00:53:02So how do you parent specifically around mental health?
00:53:06We talk about our emotions if we're feeling frustrated at something.
00:53:10We're like, guys, we're just, we're not having a good day today.
00:53:13We're just tired.
00:53:14It's really hard.
00:53:15Us talking about our own mental health, I think, allows them to talk about theirs.
00:53:19You know, tell us what you're feeling.
00:53:21If it gets overwhelming, let's not fight.
00:53:23Everybody calm down.
00:53:24Tell me what's going on.
00:53:26I may not be able to solve this, but let's try.
00:53:29And sometimes that means they've got to cry.
00:53:30Boys have got to cry.
00:53:32Otherwise they just keep it all pent up.
00:53:34Oh man, I wish I had that ability when I was his age.
00:53:38I also don't give them too much details.
00:53:41I knew too much at a young age about too many traumas.
00:53:45You still need to have a good boundary there.
00:53:47Yep.
00:53:48I want them to have structure and I want them to know that they're safe.
00:53:51Yep.
00:53:52So many of us didn't have a perfect childhood.
00:53:56It is good to know it's never too late to break that cycle and change course for the sake of our kids.
00:54:03Everybody, can we just give a big round of applause and a big thank you to David Campbell, Father of the Year.
00:54:09Coming up, how do our kids respond when fear takes hold?
00:54:23I don't want to.
00:54:24And when they need you most.
00:54:26Don't think about it.
00:54:27Don't look down.
00:54:28That's fine.
00:54:29It's safe.
00:54:30Are you ready to lead?
00:54:32Plus, the panel vote.
00:54:35We could go to a tie here.
00:54:36Who knows how this is going to play out?
00:54:46We're talking mental health and how we lay good foundations while equipping our kids to understand it, talk about it and manage it.
00:54:56Parenting is all about lifting our kids up.
00:54:59But what happens when they are literally hanging in the air?
00:55:04For our final challenge, one child from each family is taken on a thrilling, high-flying adventure.
00:55:12Meanwhile, their families are on the sidelines offering encouragement.
00:55:17This isn't just about your children's bravery.
00:55:20It's about how parents coach their kids through fear and anxiety, looking at the tactics that you're going to enlist.
00:55:28In Australia, anxiety disorders are the most common mental health issue among children 14 and up.
00:55:35Ironically, facing fears can help to reduce anxiety.
00:55:41Avoidance, on the other hand, reinforces anxiety.
00:55:46This challenge will reveal how the Focus parents coach their children during a potentially scary situation.
00:55:53What tools are they going to use to encourage their kids to do the risky thing?
00:55:58I haven't got a text.
00:56:03Life can throw some big challenges.
00:56:06Can you support Jasper as he takes a huge leap?
00:56:10Jasper!
00:56:11Jasper!
00:56:12Why me?
00:56:13You're the chosen one.
00:56:15You can do it, buddy!
00:56:16You can do it!
00:56:17You can do it!
00:56:18How exciting!
00:56:19Let's go!
00:56:20In this challenge, the children will ascend to the top of a tall structure.
00:56:25And with Hearts Racing, it is up to the parents to help them build up the courage to take the plunge.
00:56:31Welcome to the great Aussie bush camp, buddy.
00:56:33Your leap of faith challenge today is to get pulled up 13 metres and you're going to pull a ripcord
00:56:40and go for an exhilarating giant swing in this area here and over the lake.
00:56:44How does that sound?
00:56:45Scary.
00:56:46Sounds scary?
00:56:47As life school parents, it is extremely important that our kids push themselves and take themselves out of their comfort zone.
00:56:54You know, I'm scared of heights.
00:56:57I'm going to pass out.
00:57:00Remember when we went on that big gorge walk and we went right to the top and we were like,
00:57:06who's going to jump from this height?
00:57:07What did you say?
00:57:08There's no growth in your comfort zone?
00:57:11Yeah.
00:57:12This has not passed your limits because I've seen you jump off that rock climb.
00:57:17Most of our fears that we get is more our mind taking over rather than reality itself.
00:57:23How do you feel?
00:57:26Nervous.
00:57:27Nervous is normal.
00:57:29Oh, I'm going to shh.
00:57:32That's all right.
00:57:33All right, Jasper, when you're ready, buddy.
00:57:36You want to go again or?
00:57:37No.
00:57:38No.
00:57:39Oh.
00:57:40Oh.
00:57:41Oh my God.
00:57:43You want to go again or?
00:57:57No.
00:58:04Oh my God.
00:58:08As positivity parents, it isn't that big of a deal
00:58:10for whether the kids do something or not.
00:58:14What is important to us is them giving it a go.
00:58:18You get to pull a little cord, release yourself,
00:58:21and go for an epic swing.
00:58:23I'm so excited.
00:58:25You guys have to do this after I do it.
00:58:28No chance.
00:58:29Let's go Mila.
00:58:31So you're not even scared one single bit.
00:58:34Look at you.
00:58:35Oh my God, yay!
00:58:37I think Mila was very sure of herself because of the way
00:58:40we do parent her.
00:58:41You know, doing our positive affirmations
00:58:43is incredible for building their confidence.
00:58:48Three, two, one.
00:58:50Let's go, Mila.
00:58:51Oh my God, oh my God.
00:58:57If I went up there, you know how you have to pull?
00:59:00I would have loved if you went up there.
00:59:01I would have just not pulled it.
00:59:02I would have loved that.
00:59:03I'm so proud of you.
00:59:05Yes.
00:59:06High five.
00:59:07I'm scared.
00:59:08It's okay.
00:59:09As authoritative parents, we have very high expectations.
00:59:11Our children, I don't think she want to disappoint us.
00:59:17Mom, if I do this, I get Robux.
00:59:18Robux after this.
00:59:19$10 gift card.
00:59:20We did offer a small amount of virtual money for her to participate.
00:59:25Oh no.
00:59:26Scary.
00:59:27It's so high up.
00:59:28Remember what you can get after this?
00:59:30Robux after this.
00:59:32$10 gift card.
00:59:35We did offer a small amount of virtual money
00:59:39for her to participate.
00:59:46Oh, no.
00:59:48Scary.
00:59:50It's so high up.
00:59:53Remember what you can get after this?
00:59:55Robux.
00:59:58You are now on the zipline.
01:00:00Go, Stacey.
01:00:01Deep breath for me.
01:00:03Whenever you're ready, Stacey.
01:00:04I'm scared.
01:00:14Wow.
01:00:20Yay!
01:00:24Well done, Stacey.
01:00:26I'm proud of you.
01:00:27You're so great.
01:00:28Great.
01:00:29Well done, guys.
01:00:33Panel parents, what did we think?
01:00:35You did great.
01:00:36All of you did great at the pep talk.
01:00:38Building their courage up to go, you've got this.
01:00:40The Life School family did a great job.
01:00:42I want to steal that line, no growth in your comfort zone.
01:00:45I love that.
01:00:46That was really good.
01:00:47That came from him.
01:00:49I really liked how you explained how they'd done it before and how they could overcome
01:00:53it if they'd just put their mind to it.
01:00:55I really liked that.
01:00:56You were great.
01:00:57Yeah, good reminder.
01:00:58It was also impressive with the positivity parents that they just got up and straight and
01:01:01did it.
01:01:02Our daughter Mila, she's a very big daredevil.
01:01:04We just had the pleasure of watching her do it.
01:01:05Yeah, she was really confident.
01:01:06Yeah, she was.
01:01:07Yeah.
01:01:08Elvie and Sean, I noticed a little bit of bribery.
01:01:11I felt like Stacey was only pretending because she has done more dangerous right than this.
01:01:17She's probably just trying to get the reward she wants.
01:01:22I think bribery can be a really useful tool just to fully get out their potential.
01:01:30Bribery is the easy way out.
01:01:32It becomes more like a transaction.
01:01:34Yeah.
01:01:35We don't feel like that's the right thing to do.
01:01:38As upfront parents, we're all for a bribe.
01:01:41When you have four children that need to be in the car at 8.15 every morning with their
01:01:45groceries, their bags, their violins, their this.
01:01:47Get in the car on time and you can have three lollies at the end.
01:01:52Boom!
01:01:53When it comes to reward, yes, it motivates kids, but what does it motivate them to do?
01:01:58It motivates them not to do the task, but to get the reward.
01:02:03There are better ways to encourage our children.
01:02:05Provide a really clear rationale for why.
01:02:08The high dive looks really big now, but if you try it, you might feel really proud afterwards.
01:02:14When kids associate these tasks with personal satisfaction or joy, you'll find that kids
01:02:20buy in and they don't have to be bribed.
01:02:24We have one more parenting style to have a look at.
01:02:27Shall we see how our Hardway parents went with the Dare to Fly Challenge?
01:02:31Here we go.
01:02:32Watch these guys.
01:02:33You can see what you're going to be trying.
01:02:34Wow!
01:02:35As Hardway parents, it's always important for the kids to step out of their comfort zone
01:02:40and try something new.
01:02:41And you need to push them and encourage them to do more.
01:02:43Yeah, support them to see how much they're capable of because they'll surprise you sometimes.
01:02:47Tell me, what are you thinking?
01:02:48Talk to me.
01:02:49I'm really scared and nervous.
01:02:50That's fine.
01:02:51That's fine.
01:02:52Maybe after you do it once, you'll be the master at it.
01:02:54That's right.
01:02:55I knew he was putting on a brave face.
01:02:58Keep looking up.
01:02:59I think you can.
01:03:00But I know deep down inside, he was scared.
01:03:03Let's go, man, lad!
01:03:05You can do it, man!
01:03:08It's a small platform, not a lot of space up there.
01:03:11Man, let's pretend you're still down the bottom, okay?
01:03:14Take your time.
01:03:15Don't think about it.
01:03:17It's fine.
01:03:18It's safe.
01:03:19Don't think about it.
01:03:20Don't look down.
01:03:22One, two, three.
01:03:23Lean out.
01:03:24You can do it.
01:03:25You can do it.
01:03:26Good boy, man.
01:03:27Good boy.
01:03:28Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:03:29It's really scary.
01:03:31Hold on tight.
01:03:32Right now, on the count of three, you're going to jump off.
01:03:35Ready?
01:03:36One, two, three.
01:03:37I don't want to.
01:03:38I don't want to.
01:03:39No.
01:03:48Two, three.
01:03:49Lean out.
01:03:50You can do it.
01:03:51I don't want to.
01:03:52I don't want to.
01:03:53No.
01:03:54That's okay.
01:03:55We're not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do.
01:03:56Do you want to watch someone else go first?
01:03:57Yeah?
01:03:58Should we make your dad have a go first so you can watch him have a go?
01:03:59And then you can go afterwards?
01:04:00How's that sound?
01:04:01Yeah?
01:04:02Put your second hand on the bar.
01:04:03All right.
01:04:04All right, now just bend your knees.
01:04:05It's very high.
01:04:06I am scared.
01:04:07But I have to lead by example.
01:04:11A little jump, a little jump.
01:04:12Go.
01:04:13Yes.
01:04:14A little jump, a little jump.
01:04:15Yes.
01:04:16A little jump.
01:04:17Go.
01:04:18A little jump.
01:04:19Go.
01:04:20He's going to do it.
01:04:21He's going to do it.
01:04:22A little jump.
01:04:23, Go.
01:04:24Go, go, go.
01:04:25Yeah.
01:04:26Go on there.
01:04:27Good job.
01:04:29Go.
01:04:30Thank you very high.
01:04:32I am scared.
01:04:33But I have to lead by example.
01:04:34Little jump, little jump, go.
01:04:35Yes.
01:04:36Some nice and easy.
01:04:37Same.
01:04:38See how easy it is?
01:04:39You can do it, buddy.
01:04:40You can do it.
01:04:41That was so much fun.
01:04:42You can do it?
01:04:43I reckon you can too.
01:04:44He's going to do it.
01:04:45Up.
01:04:46Little jump off.
01:04:47Go, go, go.
01:04:48Yeah.
01:04:49Good job.
01:04:50Well done, I'm so proud of you.
01:04:52Woo, nice one.
01:04:58Loved it, you were great role models.
01:05:00There's that fine line between forcing him and encouraging him to go in.
01:05:03That's right.
01:05:04Even if after I had done it, he didn't want to do it?
01:05:05Yeah, we were fine with that.
01:05:06As long as he saw his dad doing it.
01:05:08I think that's what it's all about too.
01:05:10I like that Hussain led by example.
01:05:12Yeah, I love that he did that.
01:05:14We've had some vital conversations in this room
01:05:21and we have learnt so much from each of our focus parents.
01:05:25Navigating our kids' mental health can be challenging
01:05:28but tonight's insights and tools will help lighten the load for all of us.
01:05:34Okay, we need to get to our panel discussion.
01:05:37Focus parents, I'll ask you now to please step up and out of the room.
01:05:44Panel parents, back row, come down to the front.
01:05:48We're going to discuss each of the parenting styles
01:05:50and how effectively it lays the foundation
01:05:53for children's long-term emotional resilience and mental well-being.
01:05:58Remember, we're looking for parents who develop autonomy and competence,
01:06:04foster healthy emotional regulation,
01:06:08create a sense of belonging
01:06:09and encourage resilience and confidence.
01:06:14Let's start by talking about Josh and Cassie.
01:06:18I think there's a lot to learn from the life school parents
01:06:20and the boys show it really well.
01:06:22They really seem to be well-rounded kids.
01:06:24I think they got through all the challenge points.
01:06:27When the baby was crying,
01:06:28they eventually worked out we have to change it.
01:06:30Like the older boy, you could tell he'd been around that situation.
01:06:35So he kind of had a bit more forward thinking of what to do.
01:06:38I was concerned with the comment one of the boys made about,
01:06:41you know, he has to cry in secrecy.
01:06:44Do you guys cry much?
01:06:44No.
01:06:45I do.
01:06:45Not either.
01:06:45Not too much.
01:06:46Secretly.
01:06:47Even one of Josh's comments was,
01:06:49we've got to be men, we've got to be masculine.
01:06:51That still didn't sit well with me.
01:06:54Elvie and Sean.
01:06:56Everything was disciplined.
01:06:57It's like, if you do this, I'll give you this.
01:06:59Or if you don't do this, this will happen.
01:07:02Concentrate, concentrate.
01:07:03I am.
01:07:04I think it's very cultural.
01:07:06I take my hat off to them for implementing what they believe
01:07:09in a culture that doesn't necessarily support that.
01:07:12It must be hard.
01:07:14They're obviously very articulate.
01:07:16I think the answer to having your inner voice
01:07:17was one of the best answers.
01:07:19Mental health is how you feel and how you talk to yourself.
01:07:23They obviously talk about it,
01:07:24so there's a lot of positive things that are happening there.
01:07:27OK, let's talk about our hard way parents, Amanda and Hassan.
01:07:33The thing I really liked about the trapeze challenge was,
01:07:37Dad said, you know what, I'm not really great with heights,
01:07:39but I'm going to do this, I'm going to give it a go.
01:07:40Then he gave it a crack, and then, you know, the sun follows.
01:07:43You're dumb, Amanda, so proud of you.
01:07:45They showed in that domino challenge
01:07:47that they knew Yusuf needed to be removed at that point in time
01:07:51to get the challenge moving forward.
01:07:52I don't think you should reward kids to having a tantrum.
01:07:56I don't agree with rewarding bad behaviour.
01:08:00Our positivity parents.
01:08:02I wrote down that they might have been a bit too involved
01:08:04with some of the tasks.
01:08:05Teamwork makes the...
01:08:07Dream work.
01:08:08Are we doing teamwork right now?
01:08:10But the girls are still young.
01:08:11When my kids were five, I probably was hands-on too.
01:08:14Yeah.
01:08:14You can't criticise how confident the girls are.
01:08:17Yeah.
01:08:20Eldest daughter just got in there, gave it a go.
01:08:23It was quick, sharp.
01:08:24Three, two, one, bang, and she's off.
01:08:25Here's a challenge.
01:08:26Go another, pull it.
01:08:27Easy.
01:08:29All right, well, I think we've had some really good discussion
01:08:31around which parenting style handled mental health the best.
01:08:35Return to your seats.
01:08:37We are ready to bring the focus parents back in.
01:08:40Focus parents, the panel has talked it out
01:08:48and they are ready to share their thoughts.
01:08:53Nathan and Joanne, our traditional parents.
01:08:57We agonise over it because there's so many great points to take.
01:09:00We ended up going with the life school parents, Josh and Cassie.
01:09:04Looking at your boys, there's so much evidence of how resilient they are.
01:09:09You know, when they interact with each other and everything else,
01:09:12that's a really good marker for us in terms of their mental health.
01:09:18We believe the positivity parents was best aligned with mental health.
01:09:22We really like the confidence of your young girls
01:09:26and that says a lot about, obviously, the conversations you've had with them.
01:09:30Even if they're sometimes saying the wrong thing,
01:09:33they've got a voice and they're not afraid to use it
01:09:35and that's important for mental health.
01:09:37I think you've all done amazing.
01:09:40But we've also chosen the positivity parents.
01:09:42I think when it comes to mental health, you guys are nailing it.
01:09:45You've done really well.
01:09:46The main thing that I loved was the daily affirmations.
01:09:48I think that's so beautiful.
01:09:50Thank you very much.
01:09:51Well done, positivity.
01:09:52I mean, we could go to a tie here.
01:09:54Who knows how this is going to play out?
01:09:56It all comes down to you, Mark and Tammy.
01:09:58You've got the deciding vote.
01:10:00It was really difficult.
01:10:04The family that we probably learnt the most about mental health
01:10:07was from the life school parents.
01:10:10And we saw the connections that they have
01:10:12and the ability that they have to be able to just get stuff done
01:10:16and problem solve and work through things.
01:10:19Awesome.
01:10:20Thank you for the feedback.
01:10:22That is a tie for the first time ever in parental guidance's history.
01:10:26The parents with the best parental guidance
01:10:28when it comes to building good mental health are
01:10:31Positivity parents, Nick and Sophia.
01:10:35And our life school parents, Josh and Cassie.
01:10:42Appreciate the feedback from, you know, fellow parental peers.
01:10:46I'm just so happy that we are all here
01:10:49and we're all talking about mental health.
01:10:51We're all learning, but at the end of the day,
01:10:53mental health is the most important thing.
01:10:55You've tackled some of the hardest parenting conversations head on.
01:11:03And if there's one thing we can all agree on,
01:11:06it's that parenting is always evolving.
01:11:10By having these conversations and learning from each other,
01:11:14we walk away better equipped, more confident
01:11:17and ready to guide our kids
01:11:19through whatever the modern world throws at them.
01:11:22For me, the experience was an eye-opener.
01:11:25Because you are your children's biggest role model.
01:11:29You are the person that they're looking to
01:11:31every single day for guidance.
01:11:33Group hug.
01:11:35You know, nobody's perfect
01:11:36and I have definitely learned something from that.
01:11:39I will go home being a better parent
01:11:42thanks to what I've heard from you in this room.
01:11:45If anything in this program has raised concerns
01:11:57for you or someone you know,
01:11:59please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14
01:12:02or lifeline.org.au.
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