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Parental Guidance Season 3 Episode 4
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00:00:00This episode of Parental Guidance contains references to self-harm and mental illness.
00:00:05Some viewers may find these topics challenging. Viewer discretion is advised.
00:00:12Parenthood is a wild ride.
00:00:14Mum and Dad are the best.
00:00:15They make our day.
00:00:16We love you.
00:00:17We love you.
00:00:18And the stakes are sky high.
00:00:20Our young people, we say that we've got it under control. We don't.
00:00:25In this special event series of Parental Guidance, we've confronted the most critical issues
00:00:31facing families today. Screen time. Peer pressure. Body image.
00:00:37It's so important that we as parents educate ourselves about what's available to our children.
00:00:42And giving parents the tools to find a way through.
00:00:46This is a life experience that we will learn from and grow from and implement.
00:00:51Thanks, mate.
00:00:53Tonight, in the final of these ground-breaking investigations.
00:00:57We have an incredible mental illness challenge in this country.
00:01:01I was scared to tell people. And it was tough.
00:01:04It's the invisible crisis crippling the nation.
00:01:08I've been to the mental hospitals with him. I've been on the street with him.
00:01:12How can parents help lay the foundations for good mental health?
00:01:17You're being mean.
00:01:18I'm not being mean.
00:01:19If I was your daughter, would I be able to come to you to tell you that?
00:01:22I don't have that problem. And I won't have that problem.
00:01:26An eye-opening look.
00:01:27You can do it, buddy.
00:01:28Into the best ways to support our kids' emotional well-being.
00:01:32There's no growth in your comfort zone.
00:01:34Yeah.
00:01:35And set them up.
00:01:36Yeah!
00:01:37For mental resilience.
00:01:39I'm proud of you. You're so brave.
00:01:41ACRIC MUSIC
00:01:50Focuss Parents, welcome.
00:01:56Elvie and Shaun, nice to see you.
00:01:58Nice to meet you.
00:01:58Nice to meet you too.
00:01:59Hey Amanda and Hassan, how are you?
00:02:01Good. How are you?
00:02:02Ready to go.
00:02:03Absolutely.
00:02:05Very excited.
00:02:06Hey, panel parents. Hi guys. Welcome to the Parenting Olympics. Now, there are no medals.
00:02:13There is just the glory of knowing you might have done it right and you got through another day.
00:02:21This side of the room, you're back in the hot seat. You are our focus parents.
00:02:28And over here, you guys, you're our panel parents.
00:02:31So, watch carefully and take notes. You'll be voting at the end of the night on who you learnt the most from.
00:02:41Tonight, we are diving into one of the most important and challenging topics in parenting.
00:02:47Mental health.
00:02:49As parents, there's a lot we can do to build the foundations for our children's best possible mental health.
00:02:56Tonight, we will explore how we can raise resilient and confident kids in a world that kind of feels more overwhelming than ever.
00:03:05And how to tackle the tough moments when they arise.
00:03:09Right now, mental health issues among kids and young adults are at an all-time high.
00:03:15Australia is in the middle of a mental health crisis, particularly for young people, with stress, anxiety, depression and self-harm all on the rise.
00:03:29As parents, the strongest defence is helping kids build emotional well-being, connections and resilience.
00:03:37All right. Focus parents, remind us of your parenting styles.
00:03:44Josh and Cassie.
00:03:46We are the life school parents. We live in our caravan.
00:03:49We learn from real-life experiences while giving our kids freedom.
00:03:55As life school parents, we've travelled around Australia for the past three years, giving our kids lifetime memories.
00:04:04Our kids have experienced more than what most kids will in a whole lifetime.
00:04:10Everyone's so rushed these days.
00:04:12Our kids are much happier, much more relaxed.
00:04:16They're certainly not wrapped up in bubble wrap.
00:04:19If they hurt themselves, unfortunately, they hurt themselves.
00:04:22One of the biggest dangers wrapping your kids in cotton wool is that it doesn't build resilience.
00:04:26And then that's when we do have a lot of these mental health issues.
00:04:32All righty.
00:04:33Our life school parents.
00:04:35You look like your best mates.
00:04:37Yeah, it's lovely.
00:04:37You know what I mean?
00:04:37You're all together.
00:04:38There's no argument.
00:04:39There's no conflict.
00:04:40There probably is.
00:04:41There probably is.
00:04:42Don't get me wrong.
00:04:43It's a very well-rounded family.
00:04:45I am the second youngest of eight kids, and that really helped to shape the style of parents
00:04:52we wanted to be.
00:04:54Elvie and Sean.
00:04:56We are the authoritative parents.
00:04:58We have high expectations on children.
00:05:00We set strict rules and boundaries.
00:05:03Say cheese.
00:05:04Cheese.
00:05:06Next month.
00:05:07As an authoritative parent, we set a lot of rules with high expectations for our children
00:05:15to follow.
00:05:16Esme, Stacey, lunch.
00:05:18Better be quick, otherwise mums will come.
00:05:21Sometimes I can be quite mean to them.
00:05:23You're not stopping.
00:05:24I raise my voice now.
00:05:26Children who get used to people being harsh to them will build their resilience.
00:05:35We also believe in yin and yang.
00:05:37We do some mindfulness activities like yoga and massage.
00:05:43That's crazy.
00:05:44Mental health is super important to be a happy and also a successful person.
00:05:52Okay, what do we think of our authoritative parents?
00:05:58I completely agree with those rules and expectations.
00:06:02It's like I have to be the mean mum sometimes.
00:06:04I think that is not necessarily a bad thing.
00:06:10And Amanda and her son.
00:06:12We are the hard way parents.
00:06:14We do things the hard way.
00:06:15No shortcuts.
00:06:17It's hard on us, but great for the kids.
00:06:19Everyone say cheese.
00:06:21Say cheese.
00:06:21Cheese.
00:06:22Yeah.
00:06:23We see a lot of parents take the easy way.
00:06:28We have a lot of spend time eating unhealthy food.
00:06:31You're just giving them a scream and you're sitting down, putting your feet up, having a coffee.
00:06:35You're not parenting.
00:06:35You're taking the easy way up.
00:06:36It's the easy way up.
00:06:36Yeah.
00:06:37Good job.
00:06:39We give our kids a lot of praise.
00:06:40And it's all about making them feel good, so nothing goes unnoticed.
00:06:44I cleaned up the lounge.
00:06:45Oh.
00:06:47I vacuumed.
00:06:48Well done.
00:06:48You can get a well done sticker.
00:06:49High five.
00:06:51We prioritise mental health.
00:06:53Always checking in on the kids.
00:06:54Are you happy?
00:06:55Are you sad?
00:06:55Because we're always around.
00:06:56You can see if someone's a bit down, we approach them.
00:06:58Are you okay?
00:06:59How are you feeling?
00:06:59If they come home from school stressed, let's go for a walk.
00:07:02Well done.
00:07:03Yay.
00:07:03You've done it.
00:07:04There's a lot to learn for that.
00:07:08We work together as a team a lot and we do a lot of things the hard way, really.
00:07:11Yeah.
00:07:12I love that.
00:07:12No, I think it's good that you praise them.
00:07:14Every single day we praise them.
00:07:16We encourage them and motivate them.
00:07:18If they've done something, we always tell them, you've done a good job.
00:07:21We just try and praise them as much as we can.
00:07:24From my opinion, as authoritative parents, we kind of give them honest opinion rather than
00:07:31praising them, good job.
00:07:32We give them an honest feedback.
00:07:36It's totally natural for parents to want to praise their kids.
00:07:40Unfortunately, what happens with praise is kids start to look to their parents for extrinsic
00:07:46validation no matter what they're doing.
00:07:48Did I do this right?
00:07:49Did I do that right?
00:07:50We can create praise junkies.
00:07:52We're better off saying thanks, expressing appreciation or encouraging our children to reflect
00:07:58and asking them if they think they did well and what they would do next time if they were
00:08:02to do it again.
00:08:03OK, Nick and Sophia, how do you guys do it?
00:08:09We are the Positivity Parents, which means we take a positive approach to everything we
00:08:13do.
00:08:14In order to build confidence and self-esteem.
00:08:17Hey, besties!
00:08:18As Positivity Parents, we teach our kids to be kind, inclusive, humble and generous.
00:08:29We definitely build up our children's self-esteem every single day by doing positive affirmations.
00:08:39We've done it consistently for years.
00:08:41Never forget, you are a blessing.
00:08:45Sophia is able to work from home as a content creator.
00:08:48One, two.
00:08:49Hey, bestie!
00:08:51The hey, bestie videos have been happening since Alex was two.
00:08:56The most views is 53 million.
00:08:59People have said that it's helped them with depression, that it's helped their mum who
00:09:02has dementia.
00:09:03The teachers have played it in school.
00:09:05Being kind to someone and being positive is never going to be bad.
00:09:12Affirmations in kids is awesome.
00:09:14And in ourselves as well, not just kids, but yeah, everyone.
00:09:18I love the positive message, it's very cute, but I probably wouldn't be comfortable with
00:09:22having my kids on TikTok.
00:09:24I'd be worried that they'd be looking for approval via the likes.
00:09:29We've never said, hey, Alex or Mila, this video that you've done got 50 million views.
00:09:34They have no idea about that.
00:09:37If they didn't want to do it, you'd be okay with taking them off?
00:09:39I would be okay with that.
00:09:40Taking them off?
00:09:40Yeah, then it would be done.
00:09:42I never want to force my kids into anything.
00:09:45Okay.
00:09:49Four different parenting styles facing the challenges tonight.
00:09:54Panel parents, don't forget to take notes.
00:09:57At the end of all the challenges, we'll be asking you to choose which parenting style
00:10:02equips their kids best for emotional well-being and mental resilience, the foundations of good
00:10:08mental health.
00:10:09You're going to be looking for which parenting style you think helps develop autonomy and
00:10:15competence, fosters healthy emotional regulation, creates a sense of belonging, and encourages
00:10:23resilience and confidence.
00:10:25While there is something of a genetic lottery involved, there are a lot of things that we
00:10:31can do as parents to set our kids up to have the best mental health possible.
00:10:36The way that we support, the way that we listen, the way that we guide them can make
00:10:40an enormous difference.
00:10:42Shall we do a challenge?
00:10:45Yes.
00:10:47Parents are literally their kids' first role models.
00:10:51We want to see what they've learnt from you about empathy and caring for others.
00:10:56Both important elements of maintaining good mental health.
00:11:00We gave them a realistic toddler doll to look after.
00:11:05Do they know how to be nurturing towards the baby?
00:11:08How to meet its needs?
00:11:10So, what have your kids picked up from you?
00:11:14The role models in their life.
00:11:18Even at a very young age, kids copy what their parents do.
00:11:22In this challenge, we'll see what they've learnt about caring for a child from watching mum and
00:11:27dad.
00:11:27A crucial part of kids' mental health is feeling like their needs are being met.
00:11:33This challenge will show us what these children have observed about how to look after a child.
00:11:41You're going to have to wait.
00:11:44Kids, we've got a message.
00:11:45Ooh.
00:11:46How do you really parent?
00:11:48To find out, give your children a chance to act as parents.
00:11:53The new baby is waiting.
00:11:55Okay.
00:11:56Are you ready?
00:11:57Yeah.
00:11:58Sure.
00:11:58Ooh.
00:11:59How exciting.
00:12:02Our style of parenting is to be good role models for our kids.
00:12:04We do everything together as a family.
00:12:06There's a baby.
00:12:07Oh.
00:12:08With this task, I think the kids will do really well because they do this on a daily basis
00:12:13with their sister.
00:12:14We include everyone from Lamise down to Yusuf.
00:12:17Yusuf is really nurturing and caring when it comes to looking after his baby sister.
00:12:28Give her a bottle.
00:12:29Give her a bottle.
00:12:30I don't want to eat my breakfast.
00:12:31Say it's okay, baby.
00:12:34Say it's okay, baby.
00:12:34Say it's okay, baby.
00:12:34Say it's okay, baby.
00:12:34Say it's okay, baby.
00:12:35When baby Zana was born, Yusuf was very jealous.
00:12:40Mm-hmm.
00:12:40And the way we overcame that is we got him involved.
00:12:43You want to get her blanket on?
00:12:44Yeah.
00:12:45Her blanket.
00:12:45Her bedtime.
00:12:46Yes, her bedtime.
00:12:47Then she, maybe she'll have this to sleep.
00:12:48You feel that mommy doesn't cry?
00:12:51Shh.
00:12:52Oh.
00:12:53What's going on?
00:12:54Where'd you guys go?
00:12:55Wow.
00:12:55She's sleeping.
00:12:57Oh, wow.
00:12:59Good job.
00:13:05Wow.
00:13:05Wow.
00:13:06Baby.
00:13:08As authoritative parents, I've given the daughters a lot of rules.
00:13:12So that makes it easier for them to copy those rules and then apply when they try to take
00:13:18care of others.
00:13:20I don't want to eat my breakfast.
00:13:22Why don't you want to eat your breakfast?
00:13:25If you don't eat the breakfast, no screen time for you.
00:13:28Real.
00:13:30Did you just cry after she said that?
00:13:33What?
00:13:34I'm just being mum.
00:13:35My children, sometimes they call me the most mean mum in the world.
00:13:44If you keep crying, no, I cry for you.
00:13:47Yeah, that's right.
00:13:49No, I cry for you.
00:13:51As an authoritative parent, I think we have a good guys and bad guys role.
00:13:57So, Sean will be the one who comforts the children.
00:14:00Why won't it stop crying?
00:14:04What if we leave it here?
00:14:07And just wait for it to stop crying?
00:14:10We did implement cry-out approach really strictly.
00:14:1512 months of cry-out approach.
00:14:18Even though Stacey cried really loud up to an hour, we still pretend not hearing that.
00:14:24We're here!
00:14:25We're here!
00:14:26We're here!
00:14:27We're here!
00:14:28We're here!
00:14:29We're here!
00:14:30We're here!
00:14:31We're here!
00:14:32We're here!
00:14:33We're here!
00:14:34We're here!
00:14:35We're here!
00:14:36We're here!
00:14:37Okay.
00:14:40Hardway parents, your kids did really well.
00:14:42The younger one did that really well.
00:14:44Yeah, he did.
00:14:45And I love that they were all very involved with him.
00:14:47Yeah.
00:14:48With the authority parents, there was a few points.
00:14:50They're crying it out for an hour.
00:14:52It's wild to me.
00:14:54Me too.
00:14:55I know some people that work for them.
00:14:56But it feels like a year for the baby.
00:14:57You're distressing the baby.
00:14:58Yeah, you're distressing the baby.
00:14:59It's not good.
00:15:00Yeah.
00:15:01I thought it'd be uncomfortable.
00:15:02The baby cries for a reason.
00:15:03You need to find out.
00:15:04It's got wind, it's hungry, it's got a nappy.
00:15:06You need to find out the reason why they're crying.
00:15:09The first child, Esme, we did try the cry-out approach with the company of Sean on the bedside.
00:15:17So Esme actually, it was very hard to put her to bed.
00:15:21It didn't work for her, but I couldn't handle it.
00:15:24But Stacey, the second child, we kind of like have enough for the first child for not having good sleep.
00:15:30So did you feel that controlled crying worked with Stacey?
00:15:34Worked for the first 12 months.
00:15:36I did it with one of the girls.
00:15:39She screamed from probably 7pm till 3am every single night, all night.
00:15:45It was horrific and I think it actually had a really detrimental effect on her beginning.
00:15:51From a mental health perspective, some parents will say, we've got to try this.
00:15:58It's the only way we're going to get through.
00:16:00In terms of research around the children, nobody should be doing this with a baby below 6 months of age.
00:16:06Similarly, nobody should be leaving a baby in the room all night to cry it out.
00:16:11There comes a point where you must intervene.
00:16:15Our children need to know that we're there for them.
00:16:18This would all be so much easier if we had a village around us who could come in and take the load off for a night or two so that you can get the sleep that you need.
00:16:25Unfortunately for too many of us, society doesn't work that way anymore.
00:16:29But this is one of our great challenges.
00:16:33Coming up, in the final instalment of our special event series...
00:16:38You get to work with everything.
00:16:39The kids spill the tea.
00:16:41Her favourite thing to do is get a matcha and just lay on the couch.
00:16:46Temperatures rise with the year's most heated debate.
00:16:50I'm really anti that boys will be boys.
00:16:52We should be very careful not to feminise our males.
00:16:56And later, one of the country's favourite TV personalities...
00:17:01David Campbell.
00:17:02...pulls back the curtain on his own mental health struggles.
00:17:06I shut down.
00:17:08I was scared to tell people.
00:17:10Then, which parenting style has the best approach...
00:17:14Ticked all the boxes and moved along.
00:17:15That still didn't sit well with me.
00:17:17...when it comes to mental health.
00:17:19The family that we've learnt the most about mental health was...
00:17:26We're talking about how to give kids the foundations for the best possible mental health.
00:17:35We're in the middle of a challenge testing what the focus kids have learnt about meeting a child's needs.
00:17:41A key element of emotional wellbeing.
00:17:43Alright, so, let's have a look at how our next two families went.
00:17:50Seeing how a child parent's adult can tell us quite a lot about how the child parented or how they perceive parenting.
00:17:57In this challenge, we're looking for what the kids have learnt from their parents when it comes to nurturing and empathy.
00:18:02Stop!
00:18:09Oh my God!
00:18:11This is so cute!
00:18:14I'm gonna be the mum.
00:18:15I'm gonna be the mum.
00:18:16I'm gonna act like dad.
00:18:17I'm gonna be the mum.
00:18:19As positive parents, we definitely do fall into a traditional family role.
00:18:23I stay at home.
00:18:24I do all the things that, you know, mum does.
00:18:27I cook.
00:18:28I clean.
00:18:29I shop.
00:18:30I take care of the kids.
00:18:31I take them absolutely everywhere.
00:18:32I take care of Nick.
00:18:34It is a traditional role, but then again, it's not.
00:18:37Because he'll then load the dishwasher.
00:18:42Oh no, it's a...
00:18:44She's hungry.
00:18:46A dummy.
00:18:47The things that they did that worked well was they were being extremely attentive to whatever the baby was asking for.
00:18:53Hey, I'm not feeding her.
00:18:55I'm the mother.
00:18:56Give me her.
00:18:58Go and wash the dishes.
00:19:00No.
00:19:01You wash the dishes.
00:19:04The dad always wash the dishes.
00:19:08But then Mila wanted to be in charge of the baby doll.
00:19:11Yeah.
00:19:12And Alex, I could hear, was like, I'm mum.
00:19:16I need to be doing that.
00:19:17No.
00:19:18I'm the mother.
00:19:19I know this.
00:19:20Mums are older.
00:19:21Gimme her.
00:19:22We can't break the baby.
00:19:23Why not?
00:19:24Give her to me.
00:19:25I'm gonna dress her.
00:19:26Yeah, they could improve on...
00:19:28Sharing.
00:19:29Yeah, they could improve on sharing.
00:19:30Sharing.
00:19:32Go and edit your videos.
00:19:33I don't need to edit.
00:19:34I love my baby more than editing.
00:19:36I'm not gonna edit anymore.
00:19:38Who was mummy and who was daddy?
00:19:40I was dad.
00:19:41Your mum?
00:19:42Yep.
00:19:43Daddy's changing Bonnie?
00:19:45Mm-hmm.
00:19:46Yep.
00:19:47Don't you think mum should have done most of the work?
00:19:51Who dresses you in the morning?
00:19:52You and then...
00:19:53Who dresses you for dance?
00:19:55Who dresses you when you finish dance?
00:19:57Like, the only time dad dresses you is maybe if he gives you a shower.
00:20:00Yeah, we've done that and we were putting the PJs on like dad does and then she smashed it off me.
00:20:06Can I just... can I...
00:20:07Mila, I dress you all the time.
00:20:10Dad dresses us at night and it was my bedtime.
00:20:12I get it.
00:20:13I understand.
00:20:14Listen, I understand.
00:20:15I don't think you do.
00:20:17I'm just saying because you're saying that mummy doesn't dress you and stuff when mummy's always with you.
00:20:23You're being mean.
00:20:24I'm not being mean.
00:20:25I'm sorry that you think I'm being mean.
00:20:26I'm not.
00:20:28You guys did a good job, both of you did a good job.
00:20:30Okay, it's alright.
00:20:31It's just a game.
00:20:32You don't need to take it so seriously.
00:20:33It's just a challenge.
00:20:34Okay.
00:20:35I love it how you said it's just a game.
00:20:36Are you telling yourself that?
00:20:37It's just a game.
00:20:38She said that dad dresses her at night time for bed.
00:20:39So was that not right?
00:20:40Sometimes.
00:20:41Yeah, no sometimes.
00:20:42Oh she does?
00:20:43So she was right?
00:20:44Yeah.
00:20:45Are you just like competing though?
00:20:46Like who cares who's doing it?
00:20:47You or your husband?
00:20:48No, no definitely not.
00:20:49It's got nothing to do with competition.
00:20:50It's got to do with I'm taking care of my child and I hope she knows that.
00:20:54I just wanted her to be truthful.
00:20:57Was that about accuracy or is it more about you needing validation?
00:21:02Part of me was like she honestly doesn't think dad is the one dressed.
00:21:21I'm with them 24 hours a day.
00:21:23I'm raising a human that I want to be truthful and honest.
00:21:29Sophia, I think that you want your daughter to see things your way.
00:21:33Yeah but.
00:21:34Not that you want her to be honest.
00:21:36Oh okay.
00:21:37She's being honest.
00:21:38Yeah.
00:21:39And we've understood that Nick is involved in the dressing.
00:21:41Yeah.
00:21:42But because you want the validation, she's hearing that her view isn't right.
00:21:49She's being told to doubt her own voice and that you control the narrative.
00:21:54When our children don't feel heard, that's when they feel controlled.
00:21:59That's a good point.
00:22:00Yeah, fair.
00:22:01It can erode trust, damage connection and have a lasting impact on their emotional wellbeing.
00:22:08Yeah.
00:22:11Parenting is the most thankless task that is out there.
00:22:16Our children will not appreciate what we have done for them until they become parents themselves.
00:22:23And until they start to grapple with the same sacrifices and challenges that we're making.
00:22:28Okay, we've got one more to see.
00:22:31Let's take a look at our life school parents.
00:22:34Oh!
00:22:35Alright, who's grabbing her?
00:22:36I'm going to touch you.
00:22:37I'm going to touch you.
00:22:38I'm going to touch you.
00:22:39I'm going to touch you, I think.
00:22:40Ah, Bronson Will.
00:22:41Oh, come on!
00:22:42You're in great moms and dads.
00:22:43Come on, it's your turn now.
00:22:45When it comes to how our kids view us as parents, they would think we're easy going
00:22:52and give them lots of freedom.
00:22:54They've never necessarily spent time around babies.
00:22:57I'm expecting crying and the kids just not knowing what to do.
00:23:01Grab the dummy!
00:23:04Help me!
00:23:05That's alright!
00:23:06You changed someone's diaper?
00:23:07Yeah, I've done Kingsley's before.
00:23:08Really?
00:23:09I have.
00:23:10Oh, I stand on it.
00:23:11I'm going to cry.
00:23:12I really don't want to cry.
00:23:13Stop!
00:23:14Stop!
00:23:15Stop!
00:23:16Stop!
00:23:17Stop!
00:23:18Stop!
00:23:19Stop!
00:23:20Stop!
00:23:21Stop!
00:23:22Stop!
00:23:23Stop!
00:23:24Stop!
00:23:26Stop!
00:23:27Stop!
00:23:28Stop!
00:23:29Stop!
00:23:30Stop!
00:23:31Stop!
00:23:32Stop!
00:23:33Stop!
00:23:34Stop!
00:23:35Stop!
00:23:36Stop!
00:23:37Stop!
00:23:38Stop!
00:23:39Stop!
00:23:40Stop!
00:23:41Stop!
00:23:42Baby just fine.
00:23:43Yeah!
00:23:44Just fine.
00:23:45Let's throw it to our panel parents.
00:23:48Your eldest is going to make a great father one day.
00:23:50Definitely.
00:23:51He remembers having little siblings and then, you know, they're playing.
00:23:55They're mucking around having fun.
00:23:56The boys were boys.
00:23:57And I'm really anti that boys will be boys.
00:23:58Like, it really does stereotype a type of behaviour that is not okay.
00:24:12I think it's very important whether you've got boys or girls at home.
00:24:16Get them involved early.
00:24:17Don't stereotype.
00:24:18Because your young boys are going to be men one day.
00:24:20That's right.
00:24:21Yeah.
00:24:22I think we should be very careful not to feminise our males too much in society.
00:24:26Oh.
00:24:27But I think that it's okay if they wanted to be a little bit more feminine.
00:24:33Stereotyping that men should just be a certain way I think can put a lot of pressure on men.
00:24:38I'm definitely not saying like, oh, don't do that.
00:24:41That's a woman's job.
00:24:42But boys aren't naturally nurturing.
00:24:46You know, and they showed that there, you know.
00:24:49They can be.
00:24:50If a man has to change a nappy or cook and clean, it doesn't make the best of a man.
00:24:55The first six to twelve months of the baby's life, especially if you're naturally nursing,
00:25:00the father is essentially non-existent.
00:25:03All it cares for is mum.
00:25:05Well, that can be controversial.
00:25:08So I try and help out, but my child doesn't want me.
00:25:11So mum's stressed because she's not getting a break.
00:25:14Do you know why on that?
00:25:15Because maybe the father didn't get involved early.
00:25:17My son's involved from when the baby's literally out of my stomach.
00:25:20I was pumping milk, he was feeding at night, and then I got up like.
00:25:23I guess what's rubbing me the wrong way.
00:25:25I didn't catch what you said the first one.
00:25:26No, no, no, no.
00:25:27I guess what's rubbing me the wrong way.
00:25:29Your thoughts are really, this is what goes on.
00:25:33Fair enough in your world around the people that you choose to hang around, that might happen.
00:25:37But that's not the whole world.
00:25:40Also, I do feel a lot of men in this society these days as well are not great men.
00:25:46I think we need to change that.
00:25:49I don't want my boys to go up thinking that I can't be that robust, even stoic type of man now.
00:25:56Because it's not okay to tell the men that are like that they shouldn't be.
00:26:02We know that the more men ascribe to unhealthy ideas about what masculinity is,
00:26:11I have to be tough, I have to be self-sufficient, I can't seek support, kind of man box ideal.
00:26:18The more their mental health drops, the more likely they are to be abusive or be abused.
00:26:24I don't think that you should have gender roles, even from a young age.
00:26:31The boys, my girls play with trucks just as much as my boys will play with dress-ups.
00:26:35Same thing, we don't do gender in our house.
00:26:37And my boys' favourite colour, if you'd ask them right now, would be pink.
00:26:41It's more like identity than the role.
00:26:44Would you accept your boys wearing skirts as the normal appearance?
00:26:50Yeah, I would, honestly.
00:26:52I mean we haven't come down to that, we haven't really had that conversation much.
00:26:55But if he really decided that he wanted to change genders when he was a teenager, that's a conversation we'd have.
00:27:01Identity, I believe there's a man and a woman.
00:27:03Yeah.
00:27:04Full stop.
00:27:05If my kids decided, well they're not going to, but if they decided they were men, that wouldn't be an option in our house.
00:27:11So, very clear.
00:27:14Oh my God.
00:27:16It won't happen.
00:27:17Strap in.
00:27:18Strap in.
00:27:24Identity, I believe there's a man and a woman.
00:27:26Yeah.
00:27:27Full stop.
00:27:28If my kids decided, well they're not going to, but if they decided they were men, that wouldn't be an option in our house.
00:27:33But would you stop talking to them?
00:27:36No, we wouldn't stop talking to our children, but it won't happen.
00:27:39Yeah.
00:27:40I hope it doesn't.
00:27:41You should, like, you'd love your child no matter what, I think, so.
00:27:45Draw the line at a cat.
00:27:48You draw the line at a cat, so it's okay to change genders, but it's not okay to be a cat.
00:27:52Like, you know.
00:27:53There's no difference.
00:27:54If you're okay with gender swapping, then you may as well be an animal.
00:27:57It's man and female.
00:27:58No.
00:27:59Don't you think some people are born like that, though, don't you?
00:28:00No, I don't.
00:28:01You don't think people are born feeling a certain way?
00:28:02You don't think that at all?
00:28:03Because a lot of people do commit suicide because of how they feel about having those feelings.
00:28:04Like, they really are born that way, and they can't help how they feel.
00:28:07And if you're saying to your child, this is it, imagine if they actually felt that way and
00:28:14couldn't come to you to tell you that.
00:28:15Yeah, okay.
00:28:16I don't have that problem, and I won't have that problem.
00:28:18But how do you know?
00:28:19What you're saying is you're creating an environment in your household where it's
00:28:22a lot of people who are born feeling a certain way.
00:28:24You don't think that at all?
00:28:25Because a lot of people do commit suicide because of how they feel about having those feelings.
00:28:29Like, they really are born that way, and they can't help how they feel.
00:28:32And if you're saying to your child, this is it, imagine if they actually felt that way and
00:28:35you're creating an environment in your household where it's least likely to happen.
00:28:39Correct.
00:28:40It won't happen.
00:28:41If I was your daughter and I felt like I wasn't feeling like a stereotypical girl,
00:28:47would I be able to come to you as your daughter to tell you that?
00:28:51They can tell me whatever they want.
00:28:53We have very open dialogue.
00:28:55But like you said, it's not going to happen.
00:28:58There's no way of that happening.
00:28:59It's not happening.
00:29:00So I was just concerned about that.
00:29:02As Christians, bringing the faith into it, we really need to be an open space for people
00:29:07that have these problems.
00:29:09I don't feel like it's a problem at all.
00:29:12You can be what you want.
00:29:13As long as you don't hurt anybody, what difference does it make?
00:29:15I don't care what you're doing.
00:29:16As long as you're a good, decent person.
00:29:19If my boy wants to identify as a girl, and that is going to help towards mental health,
00:29:25do what you've got to do.
00:29:27There's got to be room for who you want to be.
00:29:30Who cares what you are, whether you're man, woman, gay, straight, they, them.
00:29:35To me, it doesn't matter.
00:29:36As long as you're a nice person, you're kind.
00:29:38I honestly don't care what you identify as.
00:29:42Australia has been one of the most progressive nations when it comes to embracing an affirmation
00:29:47approach to gender identity, specifically because of mental health challenges.
00:29:54The person who has confusion and challenge about their gender identity, they need absolutely,
00:30:00unquestionably, compassion, love and acceptance.
00:30:04Their mental health may deteriorate to a point where their life is in danger.
00:30:10There is no single right answer.
00:30:12We don't know enough.
00:30:14We just have to be compassionate, patient and provide the support that our children
00:30:20need if this happens.
00:30:24Having had this conversation, I don't feel my views have changed at all.
00:30:28I definitely am not open in this area.
00:30:30I stand by the fact a man is a man and a woman is a woman.
00:30:35That was a really rigorous debate.
00:30:37Thank you guys for all sharing your opinions on that.
00:30:40And most importantly, with honesty and respect.
00:30:44Okay.
00:30:45How about a little change of pace?
00:30:48I've got something absolutely fabulous to show you.
00:30:53We got to know your kids a bit more, including what they know about mental health.
00:30:58Would you like to hear what they have to say?
00:31:01Oh gosh.
00:31:03What's mental health?
00:31:06What?
00:31:07What does that mean?
00:31:08Mental health is how you feel like in your heart and your head and how you talk to yourself.
00:31:16Your inside feelings.
00:31:17Feeling your feelings.
00:31:18Yeah.
00:31:19Like our own mental health is really important to help us become more resilient.
00:31:24Yeah.
00:31:25What do your parents do when you're upset?
00:31:28When they're sad, they're always finding something to cheer us up.
00:31:32A really big hug.
00:31:33Mum said it's good to cry.
00:31:35Do you guys cry much?
00:31:36What?
00:31:37No, not a lot.
00:31:38I do.
00:31:39Not too much.
00:31:40Secretly.
00:31:41What do you cry about?
00:31:42I don't know.
00:31:43Bubbles.
00:31:44Yeah, when they're annoying, like, he gets away with everything.
00:31:47Describe your mum to me.
00:31:50Her favourite thing to do is get a matcha and just lay on the couch.
00:31:54When my mum goes into a shop and she wants to get one thing and then she will end up getting
00:32:04the hostel.
00:32:05What's the funniest thing about caravan life?
00:32:08I'm not telling.
00:32:09Secret.
00:32:10The van shaking.
00:32:11You never want to know what that is at night.
00:32:15You can't hear the washing machine.
00:32:18It's the washing machine most of the time.
00:32:21Yeah.
00:32:22They buy us every toy in the world.
00:32:24We're spoiled.
00:32:25Yeah, we're spoiled.
00:32:26But our parents love us.
00:32:28That's good.
00:32:29Yeah, and me and my sister fight sometimes.
00:32:32Well, no.
00:32:33Oh, Josh and Cassie, so many questions answered.
00:32:44How many loads of washing do you do a week?
00:32:48They will never know.
00:32:52Coming up.
00:32:53Let's go, Mila.
00:32:54Two eye-opening challenges that test our kids' resilience.
00:32:58We stopped.
00:33:01We do have some expectation for their performance.
00:33:04You could have left a bigger gap.
00:33:06Shush.
00:33:07And I'm not alone.
00:33:14No one, no one, no one.
00:33:17Tonight we're talking about everything to do with parenting to set your kids up with the
00:33:22foundations for good mental health.
00:33:25So, let's have a look at another challenge.
00:33:28We asked your kids to make a domino trail together.
00:33:32It seems simple.
00:33:33But for this to work, they're going to need cooperation, patience and persistence.
00:33:39Essential skills when it comes to building good mental health.
00:33:43So, how do the kids handle a stressful situation when put under pressure?
00:33:48Do they keep their cool or do the domino effect get the better of them?
00:33:54Emotional regulation is a vital skill for children to help them to manage their feelings
00:34:01and respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
00:34:06In this challenge, we're looking at what the parents have taught their kids about coping
00:34:10with frustration and how they work together as a team.
00:34:14These are critical components of good mental health.
00:34:20I've got a message.
00:34:23Life can be tricky.
00:34:25Can your kids build a domino's trail using all the domino's?
00:34:30Parents?
00:34:31Hands off.
00:34:32I just thought it was on you.
00:34:33Oh, domino challenge!
00:34:34Yay!
00:34:35That's easy!
00:34:36Have fun!
00:34:37As life school parents, we teach our kids about the ways to deal with stress and life.
00:34:44We all have frustration.
00:34:45We all have frustrating times.
00:34:47It's the way that we deal with it that counts the most.
00:34:50See?
00:34:51Yeah.
00:34:52We're shaking table!
00:34:53Can you stop?
00:34:56How many times do I have to tell you?
00:34:59We've got too much movement.
00:35:00But as life school parents, it's super important for us that our boys work together.
00:35:09It's so much easier to win as a team than as an individual.
00:35:14I told you for a handful, mate.
00:35:17You okay?
00:35:18How about no one just not touch the table?
00:35:22I was thinking just starting from one end of the table and working our way down.
00:35:27Okay?
00:35:28You start going off like that.
00:35:30Alright.
00:35:31Do not move.
00:35:32Like, don't move a muscle.
00:35:35Stop that toe, man.
00:35:36Stop that toe.
00:35:37Alright, we're ready!
00:35:38I just want to say that you guys have done a very good job.
00:35:42Go!
00:35:43Yay!
00:35:44Yay!
00:35:45Yay!
00:35:46That's a strike!
00:35:49Where are the dominoes?
00:35:51I think it's on table.
00:35:53Oh.
00:35:54As authoritative parents, I think it's quite important for kids to stick to difficult tasks
00:35:59even they don't enjoy.
00:36:01I think that the perseverance would go a long way in their future life.
00:36:07Concentrate.
00:36:11Just have to be concentrate, okay?
00:36:13Make sure you concentrate.
00:36:14I am.
00:36:16It isn't as easy as you can do.
00:36:18Stacy, don't shake the table, please.
00:36:20Concentrate, okay.
00:36:21Shhh.
00:36:22Concentrate, concentrate.
00:36:23Nearly there.
00:36:24Shush.
00:36:26As an authoritative parent, coming from an oriental background,
00:36:30we do have some expectation for their performance.
00:36:33Concentrate, concentrate.
00:36:34I am.
00:36:35That's okay.
00:36:36We encourage our children.
00:36:38We want them to be successful, be doctors or lawyers.
00:36:45You could have left a bigger gap.
00:36:47Stop speaking.
00:36:49I'm going to start joining in, hopefully.
00:36:53Okay.
00:36:54Okay.
00:36:55Three.
00:36:57Two.
00:37:00Big success.
00:37:01I should have timed it how long it took.
00:37:11Panel parents.
00:37:13I thought it was good from the live school family.
00:37:15Kids didn't give up on the challenge.
00:37:17They still persisted and saw it through to the end.
00:37:19Especially with five in a caravan.
00:37:21No one even said once, this is garbage, I'm out.
00:37:24Could have been so easy for them to just go, this is too hard, we're not doing it.
00:37:27And you guys were nowhere in sight.
00:37:29No.
00:37:30They ran their own shop.
00:37:32I felt the authoritative parents, they were really present and very hovering over.
00:37:37Very critical.
00:37:38The very last thing is, I should have timed it.
00:37:40There wasn't time to praise it.
00:37:41It was done well.
00:37:43Do you think they would have worked together better had you not been in the room?
00:37:46Could be.
00:37:47Could be.
00:37:48Right.
00:37:49Could be.
00:37:50Yeah, I felt like they were just craving to do it themselves.
00:37:55Your experience looked more outcome based and Josh and Cassie's looked more experience based.
00:38:00Yep.
00:38:01So we definitely wanted the shifts on things.
00:38:03We have expectations on them.
00:38:04Yeah, because you made a comment about being successful adults, being either doctors or lawyers.
00:38:09Sure, sure.
00:38:10What if they want to be influencers?
00:38:11We have high expectations.
00:38:14We said, we think this is good for you.
00:38:16From very young age, we start to instill different values.
00:38:21You need to have like stable income.
00:38:24Yeah.
00:38:25I'm more aiming for long term success.
00:38:27Hopefully one day they have their house.
00:38:30Life stability is most important.
00:38:32What happens if they decide,
00:38:35Mum, I'm going to be a hairdresser?
00:38:37Oh, they'll be rigorous, no doubt.
00:38:40I have expectations on my children and they choose a different way.
00:38:43Of course, I would be very upset.
00:38:45There's more academic pressure on children than ever before.
00:38:49The three most important words that your children can hear, no matter what.
00:38:56My love for you is bigger than any academic choice you make or any career choice.
00:39:00I love you no matter what.
00:39:02It can have a huge impact on our children's wellbeing.
00:39:07Next, with mental health in the spotlight.
00:39:10You don't let on purpose.
00:39:12Tempers are tested.
00:39:14Ah!
00:39:15When things fall apart.
00:39:16You want to put it up like this?
00:39:17Ah!
00:39:18And a devastating truth.
00:39:20To have it end that way, it's really hard.
00:39:23Silences the room.
00:39:25We're establishing the essentials of good mental health, including dealing with stressful situations.
00:39:39We're in the middle of the domino challenge.
00:39:42Should we look at our last two families?
00:39:44A simple game like dominoes takes persistence and emotional regulation.
00:39:50These are critical components of good mental health.
00:39:53Can your kids build a dominoes trail using all the dominoes?
00:40:00Parents, hands on.
00:40:01Oh, wow.
00:40:02How exciting!
00:40:03Our kids generally do well when they face a challenging task.
00:40:07The hard way is definitely not quitting.
00:40:09It's giving everything a go, even if you find it hard.
00:40:12You want to start from here, then move it around.
00:40:14Let's start from here.
00:40:16Yes.
00:40:17You want to help pick up?
00:40:19Ah!
00:40:20Ah!
00:40:21With Yusuf, it's always a surprise, but, you know, our style of parenting is we want to get him involved.
00:40:36The easy way would be keep him out of the task.
00:40:38Don't get him involved.
00:40:39Take him out straight away.
00:40:40Give him some phone.
00:40:41Give him some phone time.
00:40:42Give him some phone time.
00:40:43Give him some phone time.
00:40:44You want to put it up like this?
00:40:45No!
00:40:46I'll start from here.
00:40:47No, no, no.
00:40:48It's good.
00:40:49No!
00:40:50Come on!
00:40:51Come on.
00:40:52Come on.
00:40:53Come on.
00:40:54Come on.
00:40:55Come on.
00:40:56Come on.
00:40:57Come on.
00:40:58When Hassan and I see that, you know, it is getting really frustrating and the kids have
00:41:02tried, that's where us as parents have to step up, you know, just relax him.
00:41:06Do this instead, okay?
00:41:07Well done.
00:41:08Yeah.
00:41:09Good job.
00:41:10Is that fun?
00:41:11We done it!
00:41:12Yes!
00:41:13Well done!
00:41:14Good job!
00:41:15Good job, guys.
00:41:16Fantastic.
00:41:17Well done.
00:41:18There's nothing hard for us.
00:41:19We can do it.
00:41:21I think that was great, what you did there.
00:41:26The siblings did amazing at staying so calm.
00:41:30Yeah, they didn't lose it at him, which is what we teach them to do.
00:41:34Does Yusuf have any learning difficulties?
00:41:37Um, he's only four.
00:41:39He does have some, like, difficulties with, like, sometimes understanding that all the
00:41:43attention, you know, can't be around him, so we're slowly always sitting with him, trying
00:41:46to calm him down.
00:41:47I would have handled that a little bit different.
00:41:52You removed him and then went and played, like, a cool fun game in another room.
00:41:57Yep.
00:41:58His behaviour was rewarded with fun time somewhere else, with the way we parent our children.
00:42:03I would have just removed him from there and let him watch on.
00:42:06Yep.
00:42:07The other siblings deserve a chance to do it without getting stressed or anxious as well.
00:42:11Yeah, so we're just trying to be fair to the five of them, really.
00:42:16Okay, let's take a look at our positivity parents.
00:42:21Well, you guys should win this.
00:42:23You play games all the time.
00:42:25Yeah.
00:42:26We're planning to go into this challenge as positivity parents by being positive.
00:42:31We're going to encourage them, give them pointers, but we're not going to touch anything.
00:42:36So you start making the trail.
00:42:39Oh!
00:42:40Oh, my God!
00:42:43I think one at a time.
00:42:45Hey, Alex!
00:42:46You done that on purpose!
00:42:47Why did you do that, Mum?
00:42:48She knocked it over like this.
00:42:49It's okay.
00:42:50Just start again.
00:42:51Because they're both leaders, I think it'll take a while for them to get the rhythm of getting
00:43:00into that team spirit.
00:43:01If I knock this over, I'm going to be, I'm going to punch myself in the face.
00:43:06What?
00:43:07Three.
00:43:12No!
00:43:13You can start again.
00:43:14You can start again.
00:43:15You've got to do it again.
00:43:18Listen, Mummy, you know when I say teamwork makes the...
00:43:22Dream work.
00:43:23Yeah.
00:43:24Are we doing teamwork right now?
00:43:25Ally!
00:43:26I didn't do that on purpose.
00:43:27I want to hear the positive talk.
00:43:28I don't want to hear the negative talk.
00:43:29We don't talk like that.
00:43:30Come on.
00:43:31You can do this, Mummy.
00:43:32I'm literally drilling confidence into my children on a daily.
00:43:33Come on.
00:43:34We're almost there, Alex.
00:43:35You're almost there.
00:43:36Good.
00:43:37One more!
00:43:38Yeah!
00:43:39High five!
00:43:40High five!
00:43:41High five!
00:43:42High five!
00:43:43High five!
00:43:44High five!
00:43:45High five!
00:43:46High five!
00:43:47High five!
00:43:48High five!
00:43:49High five!
00:43:50High five!
00:43:51High five!
00:43:52High five!
00:43:53High five!
00:43:54High five!
00:43:55High five!
00:43:56High five!
00:43:57Teamwork makes them...
00:43:58Dream work!
00:43:59Woo!
00:44:00I feel like the two girls, like they were kind of working apart.
00:44:06Yeah.
00:44:07But you encouraged teamwork a lot too.
00:44:08Yeah.
00:44:09You were like, come on girls, let's walk together as a team, which is great.
00:44:11They're big personalities.
00:44:12I want them to be confident.
00:44:13I want them to be strong.
00:44:15They were mortified when she was like, if we don't do this, I'm going to punch myself in
00:44:20the face.
00:44:21Not really.
00:44:22It's like they wanted to punish themselves for not being able to do it.
00:44:24Yeah.
00:44:25Nah.
00:44:26They're just being characters.
00:44:27It's not them being, you know, negative or anything.
00:44:29They're just like, oh no.
00:44:30Like, you know.
00:44:31Well, it wasn't just words.
00:44:33Like, she ended up punching herself in the head.
00:44:35Ended up doing it.
00:44:36Yeah.
00:44:37Did you speak to one about it?
00:44:38How did you handle it?
00:44:39No, because she's five.
00:44:42It's an anomaly.
00:44:43She's just like a kid being silly.
00:44:45Like.
00:44:46It's important that we consider carefully, though, the words that we're saying, because
00:44:51our words do create our world.
00:44:53They probably just did something dumb and they're giving themselves a little bit of a
00:44:56quick uppercut.
00:44:57I shouldn't have done that.
00:44:58How silly.
00:44:59And they move on.
00:45:00But if it's a recurring theme, if that's what they say all the time, that's when we start
00:45:04to say, I wonder if there's something that we can do to make our brain and our self-esteem,
00:45:08the way we look at ourselves, a little healthier.
00:45:12Alex, she's named after my brother, whose name was Alexander.
00:45:16He had a mental illness.
00:45:19That has a lot to do with why we are positivity parenting and why we want them not to be sheltered,
00:45:29but to look to the bright side of life.
00:45:32Yeah.
00:45:33So I have a lot of experience with mental health.
00:45:37My brother, he took his own life.
00:45:41I've been to the mental hospitals with him.
00:45:45I've been on the street with him.
00:45:47I've been, you know, like, I've been there with him.
00:45:52You know, and then at the end of it all, to have it end that way, it's really hard.
00:45:58My kids never get to meet him.
00:46:01At least I can keep him alive by talking about him, by teaching my children about kindness.
00:46:07Just be there for people and be there without judgment.
00:46:16We have an incredible mental illness challenge in this country.
00:46:21In Australia today, we'll lose nine people through suicide.
00:46:28Seven of them will be men.
00:46:31And it will happen again tomorrow.
00:46:34One of the most important things we can do is teach our children to seek support.
00:46:39Those two words, support seeking, save lives.
00:46:45And yet the overwhelming majority of people who take their own lives don't seek support.
00:46:51They try to do it on their own.
00:46:53It's my hope that by having the conversations that we're having in this room today about these challenges,
00:46:59that we'll be a little more supportive.
00:47:02And that we'll find ways to lift one another up and help them to live lives where they are genuinely confident
00:47:08that their life is worthwhile, that their life is purposeful, that they're making a difference.
00:47:13I really appreciate you sharing your story.
00:47:15Oh, thank you.
00:47:20Coming up, Father of the Year David Campbell gets honest about his own mental health struggle.
00:47:27I heard my son say, Dad's not well.
00:47:31And I looked at Lisa and I said, I'm done.
00:47:34Then...
00:47:35Oh my God!
00:47:36An important lesson from the parenting handbook.
00:47:39Look, I'm scared of heights.
00:47:40It's really scary.
00:47:41There's no growth in your comfort zone.
00:47:43As the kids fly high.
00:47:55Tonight, we're looking at how to lay the best foundations for good mental health for our kids.
00:48:01Who is ready to put a celebrity under the parenting microscope?
00:48:06Yes.
00:48:08Joining us in the parenting lounge is someone who was crowned Father of the Year alongside his dad, Jimmy Barnes,
00:48:16for their work ending generational trauma and championing the importance of good mental health.
00:48:24You know him from the Today Extra couch.
00:48:27Lizzie, good morning to you.
00:48:28Good morning to you.
00:48:29He comes from Aussie rock royalty and continued the legacy with his own extraordinary singing and stage career.
00:48:36Please welcome singer, performer, host and father of the year, David Campbell.
00:48:44Hi.
00:48:45How are you doing?
00:48:46Thanks.
00:48:48Thanks for singing.
00:48:50Hi everybody, how are you doing?
00:48:51G'day.
00:48:53David, you have the most incredible life story.
00:48:57Do you mind sharing a little bit about your childhood and how it shaped your own mental health?
00:49:02So I was born in Adelaide.
00:49:04Both my parents were 16 years old and this is in 1973.
00:49:10So it was a very different time and my grandmother came in and she adopted me and raised me as her son.
00:49:17So I was brought up thinking that she was my mother.
00:49:21I also thought that my mother was my sister.
00:49:23My father, he went on to be in Cold Chisel, but he was busy.
00:49:30It wasn't until Jane Barnes married my dad, Jimmy, and she's like, he has to be a part of our family.
00:49:39After that, my grandmother said to me, you need to know that Jimmy is your dad.
00:49:45My dad was the biggest rock star in the country.
00:49:48But then she said that, but that your sister is your mother.
00:49:54I was 10 years old.
00:49:55I just found out all of this information and I shut down.
00:49:59I did not cope with it.
00:50:01I did not know how to process it.
00:50:02And that was the beginning, I can tell, of trauma that lasted for a long, long time for me.
00:50:10David, will you tell us a bit about the mental health challenges that you experienced subsequent to or even during this period?
00:50:18I was an extremely anxious child.
00:50:21A lot of the anxiety I felt before then was probably to do with the ADHD not being diagnosed.
00:50:28Everything else I found out made it worse.
00:50:31Trauma about change, inherent neediness that Ali knows all too well.
00:50:36You're trying to navigate all of this family drama and you've got a mullet and acne.
00:50:42It's really difficult.
00:50:43And then I was scared to tell people because I didn't want them to judge me differently.
00:50:49David, you are now really close with your dad, Jimmy Barnes, but that hasn't been an easy road.
00:50:56I know along the way on both sides there's been abuse of alcohol.
00:51:03Yeah. You know, there's the picture that I had on my wall and probably a lot of other Aussie kids and men did too of him at the last stand holding up a bottle of vodka and a towel.
00:51:13And that sort of masculinity that he was showing was kind of toxic, you know.
00:51:22And so I thought that was how you had to act, particularly when you become a singer.
00:51:28You know, they throw free booze at you and the wilder you act, you get rewarded.
00:51:33And so by the time I realised I was starting to have more and more of a problem with booze, it had already latched on.
00:51:46And so then when I had Leo, my oldest, one morning we were having our first holiday as a family and I couldn't stop being sick.
00:51:54I didn't feel like I drank that much compared to what I have drunk in the past, almost didn't make the flight.
00:52:02Oh, and it was tough because I heard my son say, Dad's not well.
00:52:08I looked at Lisa and I said, I'm done. I can't have him see me that way. He's three.
00:52:18I won't let that be a memory for him.
00:52:21Like all the memories that I can close my eyes and see in my head of my family, both sides, going through the same motions, the same cycles time and time again.
00:52:31Something has to give here. And so if that's me not drinking, then that's fine.
00:52:35And that was it. That was it. Last time you had a drink.
00:52:40Your journey, challenges, how you, you know, come to sobriety, all that sort of stuff.
00:52:46Right. Very much our journey.
00:52:48You guys are sober too? Yeah.
00:52:50Congratulations. Five years.
00:52:51Five years. I'm so pleased for you both. Thank you.
00:52:56You've battled alcohol abuse, anxiety, ADHD.
00:53:01So how do you parent specifically around mental health?
00:53:06We talk about our emotions if we're feeling frustrated at something.
00:53:10We're like, guys, we're just, we're not having a good day today. We're just tired. It's really hard.
00:53:14Us talking about our own mental health, I think, allows them to talk about theirs.
00:53:18You know, tell us what you're feeling.
00:53:20If it gets overwhelming, let's not fight. Everybody calm down. Tell me what's going on.
00:53:25I may not be able to solve this, but let's try. And sometimes that means they've got to cry.
00:53:30Boys have got to cry. Otherwise they just keep it all pent up.
00:53:34Oh man, I wish I had that ability when I was his age.
00:53:38I also don't give them too much details. I knew too much at a young age about too many traumas.
00:53:45You still need to have a good boundary there.
00:53:47Yeah.
00:53:48I want them to have structure and I want them to know that they're safe.
00:53:51Yeah.
00:53:53So many of us didn't have a perfect childhood.
00:53:56It is good to know it's never too late to break that cycle and change course for the sake of our kids.
00:54:03Everybody, can we just give a big round of applause and a big thank you to David Campbell, Father of the Year.
00:54:10Coming up, how do our kids respond when fear takes hold?
00:54:23I don't want, I don't want to.
00:54:25And when they need you most.
00:54:26Don't think about it. Don't look down. It's fine. It's safe.
00:54:29Are you ready to lead?
00:54:32Plus, the panel vote.
00:54:35We could go to a tie here. Who knows how this is going to play out.
00:54:38We're talking mental health and how we lay good foundations while equipping our kids to understand it, talk about it and manage it.
00:54:55Parenting is all about lifting our kids up.
00:54:59But what happens when they are literally hanging in the air?
00:55:04For our final challenge, one child from each family is taken on a thrilling, high-flying adventure.
00:55:12Meanwhile, their families are on the sidelines offering encouragement.
00:55:17This isn't just about your children's bravery. It's about how parents coach their kids through fear and anxiety, looking at the tactics that you're going to enlist.
00:55:30In Australia, anxiety disorders are the most common mental health issue among children 14 and up.
00:55:37Ironically, facing fears can help to reduce anxiety.
00:55:42Avoidance, on the other hand, reinforces anxiety.
00:55:46This challenge will reveal how the Focus parents coach their children during a potentially scary situation.
00:55:54What tools are they going to use to encourage their kids to do the risky thing?
00:55:58I haven't got a text. Life can throw some big challenges.
00:56:06Can you support Jasper as he takes a huge leap?
00:56:10Jasper!
00:56:11Jasper!
00:56:12Why me?
00:56:13You're the chosen one.
00:56:15You can do it, buddy!
00:56:16You can do it, you can do it!
00:56:17How exciting!
00:56:18Let's go!
00:56:19In this challenge, the children will ascend to the top of a tall structure.
00:56:25And with Hearts Racing, it is up to the parents to help them build up the courage to take the plunge.
00:56:31Welcome to the Great Aussie Bush Camp, buddy.
00:56:34Your leap of faith challenge today is to get pulled up 13 metres and you're going to pull a ripcord and go for an exhilarating giant swing in this area here and over the lake.
00:56:44How does that sound?
00:56:45Scary.
00:56:46Sounds scary.
00:56:47As life school parents, it is extremely important that our kids push themselves and take themselves out of their comfort zone.
00:56:54You know, I'm scared of heights.
00:56:57I'm going to pass out.
00:57:00Remember when we went on that big gorge walk and we went right to the top and we were like, who's going to jump from this height?
00:57:07What did you say? There's no growth in your comfort zone?
00:57:11Yeah.
00:57:12This has not passed your limits because I've seen you jump off that rock climb.
00:57:16Most of our fears that we get is more our mind taking over rather than reality itself.
00:57:23How do you feel?
00:57:24Nervous.
00:57:25Nervous.
00:57:26Nervous is normal.
00:57:27Oh, I'm going to shh.
00:57:28That's alright.
00:57:29Alright Jasper, when you're ready buddy.
00:57:35Alright Jasper, when you're ready buddy.
00:57:36Alright Jasper, when you're ready buddy.
00:57:42I'm ready buddy.
00:57:43No, no.
00:57:44Oh!
00:57:45Woohoo!
00:57:47Woohoo!
00:57:48Woohoo!
00:57:49Woohoo!
00:57:50Woohoo!
00:57:51Well done!
00:57:52There's the end.
00:57:53Hello!
00:57:54You want to go again or?
00:57:55No!
00:57:56You want to go again, or...?
00:57:57No!
00:58:03Oh!
00:58:05Oh, my God!
00:58:07As Positivity parents, it isn't that big of a deal
00:58:10whether the kids do something or not.
00:58:13What is important to us is them giving it a go.
00:58:17You get to pull a little cord, release yourself,
00:58:20and go for an epic swing.
00:58:22I'm so excited.
00:58:25You guys have to do this after I do it.
00:58:27No chance.
00:58:29Let's go, Mila.
00:58:31You're not even scared one single bit.
00:58:33Look at you.
00:58:34Oh, my God, yay!
00:58:36I think Mila was very sure of herself
00:58:38because of the way we do parent her.
00:58:41You know, doing our positive affirmations
00:58:43is incredible for building their confidence.
00:58:48Three, two...
00:58:49Let's go, Mim.
00:58:50One!
00:58:55Oh, my God!
00:58:56Oh, my God!
00:58:57If I went up there, you know how you have to pull?
00:58:59I would have laughed if you went up there.
00:59:01I would have just not pulled it.
00:59:02Oh, wow.
00:59:04I'm so proud of you.
00:59:10Yes.
00:59:11High five.
00:59:14I'm scared.
00:59:15It's okay.
00:59:16As authoritative parents, we have very high expectations
00:59:19of our children.
00:59:20I don't think she wants to disappoint us.
00:59:26Mom, if I do this, I get robux.
00:59:29Robux for me.
00:59:30Robux after this.
00:59:31$10 gift card.
00:59:34We did offer a small amount of virtual money
00:59:39for her to participate.
00:59:46Oh, no.
00:59:48It's scary.
00:59:50It's so high up.
00:59:52Remember what you can get after this?
00:59:54Robux.
00:59:57You are now on the Ziploc.
00:59:59Go, Stacey.
01:00:00Okay.
01:00:01So, deep breath for me.
01:00:02Whenever you're ready, Stacey.
01:00:03I'm scared.
01:00:13Wow.
01:00:19Yay!
01:00:23Well done, Stacey.
01:00:25I'm proud of you.
01:00:26You're so brave.
01:00:27Okay.
01:00:28Well done, guys.
01:00:32Panel parents, what did we think?
01:00:34You did great.
01:00:35All of you did great at the pep talk.
01:00:37Building their courage up to go,
01:00:38you've got this.
01:00:40The Life School family did a great job.
01:00:42I want to steal that line,
01:00:43no growth in your comfort zone.
01:00:44I love that.
01:00:45Yeah, I love that.
01:00:46That was really good.
01:00:47That came from him.
01:00:49I really liked how you explained
01:00:50how they'd done it before
01:00:51and how they could overcome it
01:00:53if they just put their mind to it.
01:00:54I really liked that.
01:00:55You were great.
01:00:56Yeah, good reminder.
01:00:57It was really impressive
01:00:58with the positivity parents that
01:00:59they just got up and straight and did it.
01:01:00Our daughter Mila,
01:01:01she's a very big daredevil.
01:01:02We just had the pleasure of watching it.
01:01:04Yeah, she was really confident.
01:01:05Yeah, she was.
01:01:06Yeah.
01:01:07Elvie and Sean,
01:01:08I noticed a little bit of bribery.
01:01:10I felt like Stacy was only pretending
01:01:13because she has done more dangerous right than this.
01:01:17She probably just trying to get the reward she wants.
01:01:22I think bribery can be a really useful tool
01:01:25just to fully get out their potential.
01:01:29Bribery is the easy way out.
01:01:31It becomes more like a transaction.
01:01:33Yeah.
01:01:34We don't feel like that's the right thing to do.
01:01:36Yeah.
01:01:37As upfront parents, we're all for a bribe.
01:01:40When you have four children that need to be in the car
01:01:42at 8.15 every morning with their shoes, their bags,
01:01:44their violins, their this, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da,
01:01:47get in the car one time
01:01:49and you can have three lollies at the end.
01:01:51Boom!
01:01:52When it comes to reward,
01:01:54yes, it motivates kids,
01:01:56but what does it motivate them to do?
01:01:58It motivates them not to do the task,
01:02:00but to get the reward.
01:02:02There are better ways to encourage our children.
01:02:04Provide a really clear rationale for why.
01:02:07The high dive looks really big now,
01:02:09but if you try it, you might feel really proud afterwards.
01:02:13When kids associate these tasks
01:02:15with personal satisfaction or joy,
01:02:18you'll find that kids buy in
01:02:20and they don't have to be bribed.
01:02:23We have one more parenting style to have a look at.
01:02:26Shall we see how our hard way parents went
01:02:28with the Dare to Fly Challenge?
01:02:30Here we go, watch these guys,
01:02:32you can see what you're going to be trying.
01:02:33Wow!
01:02:35As hard way parents,
01:02:36it's always important for the kids
01:02:38to step out of their comfort zone
01:02:39and try something new.
01:02:40And you need to push them
01:02:41and encourage them to do more.
01:02:42Yeah, support them to see how much they're capable of
01:02:44because they'll surprise you sometimes.
01:02:46Tell me, what are you thinking?
01:02:47Talk to me.
01:02:48I'm really scared and nervous.
01:02:49That's fine, that's fine.
01:02:50Maybe after you do it once,
01:02:51you'll be the master at it.
01:02:52That's right.
01:02:53I knew he was putting on a brave face.
01:02:57Keep looking after you.
01:02:58He's moving up.
01:02:59I think he can.
01:03:00But I know deep down inside,
01:03:01he was scared.
01:03:03Let's go, man lad!
01:03:04You can do it, man!
01:03:07It's a small platform,
01:03:08not a lot of space up there.
01:03:10Man lad, just pretend you're still down the bottom.
01:03:12Okay?
01:03:13Take your time,
01:03:14don't think about it.
01:03:16It's fine, it's safe.
01:03:18Don't think about it.
01:03:19Don't look down.
01:03:21One, two, three.
01:03:22Lean out.
01:03:23You can do it.
01:03:24You can do it.
01:03:25Good boy, mate.
01:03:26Good boy.
01:03:27Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:03:28It's really scary.
01:03:30Hold on tight.
01:03:31Right now on the count of three,
01:03:33you're going to jump off.
01:03:34Ready?
01:03:35One, two, three.
01:03:36I don't want to.
01:03:37You don't want to?
01:03:38No.
01:03:39That's okay.
01:03:40We're not going to force you to do anything
01:03:41you don't want to do.
01:03:42Do you want to watch someone else go first?
01:03:45Yeah?
01:03:46Should we make your dad have a go first?
01:03:47Yeah?
01:03:48Should we make your dad have a go first?
01:03:49Yeah?
01:03:50No.
01:03:51No.
01:03:52No.
01:03:53No.
01:03:54No.
01:03:55No.
01:03:56No.
01:03:57No.
01:03:58No.
01:03:59No.
01:04:00No.
01:04:01No.
01:04:02No.
01:04:03No.
01:04:04No.
01:04:05No.
01:04:06No.
01:04:07No.
01:04:08No.
01:04:09So you can watch him have a go.
01:04:10And then you can go afterwards.
01:04:12How does that sound?
01:04:13Yeah?
01:04:16Put your second hand on the bar.
01:04:18Alright now just bend your knees.
01:04:21It's very high.
01:04:22I am scared.
01:04:23But I have to lead by example.
01:04:27A little jump, a little jump, go!
01:04:28Yes!
01:04:29Ahh!
01:04:30Very nice and easy!
01:04:32How are you?
01:04:33Woo!
01:04:34See how easy it is?
01:04:36You can do it, buddy.
01:04:37You can do it.
01:04:38It was so much fun!
01:04:40You can do it?
01:04:41I reckon you can too.
01:04:43He's gonna do it.
01:04:44Pepp, little jump off. Go, go, go!
01:04:46Yes!
01:04:48Good job!
01:04:50Well done, Lehanda, so proud of you!
01:04:52Oh, nice one!
01:04:58Loved it. You were great role models.
01:05:00There's that fine line between forcing him and encouraging him to go in.
01:05:03That's right.
01:05:04Even if I had done it, he didn't want to do it?
01:05:05Yeah, we were fine with that.
01:05:06As long as he saw his dad doing it.
01:05:08I think that's what it's all about, too.
01:05:10I like that Hussain led by example.
01:05:12Yeah, I love that he did that.
01:05:17We've had some vital conversations in this room,
01:05:21and we have learnt so much from each of our Focus parents.
01:05:25Navigating our kids' mental health can be challenging,
01:05:28but tonight's insights and tools will help lighten the load for all of us.
01:05:33Okay, we need to get to our panel discussion.
01:05:36Focus parents, I'll ask you now to please step up and out of the room.
01:05:45Panel parents, back row, come down to the front.
01:05:47We're gonna discuss each of the parenting styles
01:05:50and how effectively it lays the foundation for children's long-term emotional resilience and mental wellbeing.
01:05:57Remember, we're looking for parents who develop autonomy and competence,
01:06:03foster healthy emotional regulation, create a sense of belonging,
01:06:09and encourage resilience and confidence.
01:06:12Let's start by talking about Josh and Cassie.
01:06:15I think there's a lot to learn from the live school parents,
01:06:19and the boys show it really well.
01:06:21They really seem to be well-rounded kids.
01:06:23I don't think they got through all the challenge points.
01:06:25When the baby was crying, they eventually worked out we had to change it.
01:06:30Like the older boy, you could tell he'd been around that situation.
01:06:33So he kind of had a bit more forward thinking of what to do.
01:06:37I was concerned with the comment one of the boys made about,
01:06:40you know, he has to cry in secrecy.
01:06:43Do you guys cry much?
01:06:44I do. Not too much.
01:06:45Secretly.
01:06:46Even one of Josh's comments was,
01:06:48we've got to be men, we've got to be masculine.
01:06:50That still didn't sit well with me.
01:06:52Elvie and Sean, everything was disciplined.
01:06:56It's like, if you do this, I'll give you this.
01:06:58Or if you don't do this, this will happen.
01:07:01Concentrate, concentrate.
01:07:02Concentrate, concentrate.
01:07:03I am.
01:07:04I think it's very cultural.
01:07:05I take my hat off to them for implementing what they believe
01:07:09in a culture that doesn't necessarily support that.
01:07:12It must be hard.
01:07:13They're obviously very articulate.
01:07:15I think the answer to having your inner voice
01:07:17was one of the best answers.
01:07:19Mental health is how you feel and how you talk to yourself.
01:07:22They obviously talk about it,
01:07:24so there's a lot of positive things that are happening there.
01:07:27Okay, let's talk about our hard way parents,
01:07:29Amanda and Hassan.
01:07:31The thing I really liked about the trapeze challenge was,
01:07:36Dad said, you know what, I'm not really great with heights,
01:07:38but I'm going to do this, I'm going to give it a go.
01:07:40Then he gave it a crack and then, you know, the sun follows.
01:07:43Oh, Domino Hunter, so proud of you.
01:07:45They showed in that domino challenge that they knew Yusuf
01:07:48needed to be removed to that point in time
01:07:50to get the challenge moving forward.
01:07:52I don't think you should reward kids to having a tantrum.
01:07:55I don't agree with rewarding bad behaviour.
01:07:59Our positivity parents.
01:08:01I wrote down that they might have been a bit too involved
01:08:03with some of the tasks.
01:08:04Teamwork makes the dream work.
01:08:07Are we doing teamwork right now?
01:08:09But the girls are still young.
01:08:10When my kids were five, I probably was hands-on too.
01:08:13Yeah.
01:08:14You can't criticise how confident the girls are.
01:08:16Yeah.
01:08:20Eldest daughter just got in there, gave it a go.
01:08:22It was quick, sharp.
01:08:23Three, two, one, bang, and she's off.
01:08:25Here's a challenge, go another, pull it.
01:08:26Easy.
01:08:27All right, well, I think we've had some really good discussion
01:08:30around which parenting style handled mental health the best.
01:08:34Return to your seats.
01:08:36We are ready to bring the focus parents back in.
01:08:44Focus parents, the panel has talked it out
01:08:47and they are ready to share their thoughts.
01:08:52Nathan and Joanne, our traditional parents.
01:08:56We agonised over it because there's so many great points to take.
01:08:59We ended up going with the Life School parents, Josh and Cassie.
01:09:03Looking at your boys, there's so much evidence of how resilient they are.
01:09:08You know, when they interact with each other and everything else,
01:09:11that's a really good marker for us in terms of their mental health.
01:09:17We believe the Positivity parents was best aligned with mental health.
01:09:21We really like the confidence of your young girls.
01:09:25And that says a lot about, obviously, the conversations you've had with them.
01:09:29Even if they're sometimes saying the wrong thing,
01:09:31they've got a voice and they're not afraid to use it
01:09:34and that's important for mental health.
01:09:37I think you've all done amazing.
01:09:39But we've also chosen the Positivity parents.
01:09:41I think when it comes to mental health, you guys are nailing it.
01:09:44You've done really well.
01:09:45The main thing that I loved was the daily affirmations.
01:09:47I think that's so beautiful.
01:09:49Thank you very much.
01:09:50Well done Positivity.
01:09:51I mean, we could go to a tie here.
01:09:53Who knows how this is going to play out?
01:09:55It all comes down to you, Mark and Tammy.
01:09:58You've got the deciding vote.
01:10:00It was really difficult.
01:10:03The family that we probably learnt the most about mental health
01:10:06was from the life school parents.
01:10:09And we saw the connections that they have
01:10:11and the ability that they have to be able to just get stuff done
01:10:15and problem solve and work through things.
01:10:18Awesome, thank you.
01:10:19Thank you for the feedback.
01:10:20That is a tie for the first time ever in parental guidance's history.
01:10:25The parents with the best parental guidance
01:10:27when it comes to building good mental health are
01:10:30Positivity parents Nick and Sophia
01:10:32and our life school parents Josh and Cassie.
01:10:42Appreciate the feedback from, you know, fellow parental peers.
01:10:46I'm just so happy that we are all here
01:10:49and we're all talking about mental health.
01:10:51We're all learning but at the end of the day
01:10:53mental health is the most important thing.
01:10:57You've tackled some of the hardest parenting conversations head on
01:11:02and if there's one thing we can all agree on
01:11:06it's that parenting is always evolving.
01:11:10By having these conversations and learning from each other
01:11:13we walk away better equipped, more confident
01:11:17and ready to guide our kids through whatever the modern world throws at them.
01:11:22For me the experience was an eye-opener
01:11:25because you are your children's biggest role model.
01:11:28You are the person that they're looking to every single day for guidance.
01:11:33Group hug.
01:11:34You know, nobody's perfect
01:11:36and I have definitely learnt something from that.
01:11:39I will go home being a better parent
01:11:41thanks to what I've heard from you in this room.
01:11:44If anything in this program has raised concerns for you or someone you know
01:11:58please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.au.
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