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Too Much Season 1 Episode 1

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Transcript
00:00Oh
00:14Dear Wendy Jones the thing about my new home London in the country of England in the kingdom of the United
00:21Is that it has space for many kinds of women?
00:25You could be a woman with a secret you keep as locked away as your heart
00:30You could be a strong-willed police sergeant who uses her trauma to solve grisly crimes
00:37Come on up Ned
00:39Your tea will be nice and hot
00:42But the bodies must be getting cold
00:45A turpence for a game of nog-nog
00:48Gentlemen
00:49I've got the moistest hot cross buns in London town
00:53You could be a sex worker with a heart of gold
00:55Who's murdered simply for trying to survive
00:58Or you could be a carefree party girl with her whole life ahead of her
01:07But I and none of these women
01:17No
01:19I'm just a woman who stares at you online, Wendy Jones
01:22Shall we look at Wendy's Instagram?
01:26All day and all night
01:27Hey baby, can you come here for a second?
01:39Oh fuck
01:41Oh fuck
01:42Oh fuck
01:43Oh my god
01:45Oh my god
01:47Oh my god
01:52Oh my god
01:54Stupid
01:54Fuck
01:55Oh my god
01:56This is bullshit
01:57Oh fuck
01:58You don't have to wait to see if I get inside safe
02:11I'm very not drunk
02:13I've had like one alcohol
02:14Go ahead
02:17Get out of here
02:18I just wanted to say hi
02:22Hello
02:23Just stopping by
02:24I mean I have the key so
02:25Here I come
02:26I'm just coming to get
02:26Maybe I'll
02:28Something here
02:28Fuck
02:32I'm not the kind of girl you change the locks on
02:37I'm not the kind of girl you change the locks on
02:41Fucker
02:41Bitch whore
02:42I'm going back for my girl
02:45Let's go
02:46You're such a dick
02:49Here I go
02:50Okay
02:50It's much better
03:12Home invasion
03:26Home invasion
03:27Jess
03:29Hi
03:30How are ya
03:31What the fuck
03:32Wendy
03:33Wendy baby
03:34Wake up
03:35And there you were
03:37Wendy Jones
03:38Brooklyn was yours now
03:40And so was the love of my life
03:42Jessica
03:44Yeah
03:45It sure is as hell as me
03:46I'm Jessica
03:47Hi
03:48Wow this is really surreal
03:49Oh is it so surreal
03:51Jessica what the fuck are you doing here
03:53Hi fucker
03:54How about that
03:55Girl are you good
03:56No I'm actually not
03:58And guess what
03:58You're a fucking bitch
04:00Wow
04:00You just woke me up and called me a bitch
04:02Okay
04:02Jessica
04:04I've dealt with this before
04:05Okay
04:06I want to hold space for how you're feeling
04:09And I understand
04:10That things might not be perfect right now for you
04:13But you just broke into our home
04:15And it's giving
04:15Crazy
04:16It's giving psychotic
04:17Okay
04:18Are you crying
04:21No no
04:22I'm not
04:22No I just
04:23I don't know
04:24Nothing like this has ever happened before
04:26You know
04:26Just nothing
04:26Nothing this
04:27This violent
04:28Well I mean it's not violent
04:30Yeah
04:31Yet
04:31Are you gonna punch me in the head
04:32Until I'm bleeding out on the floor
04:34Can't we just work this out
04:35You can have a Xanax
04:36We can chill
04:36Yeah we can work it out
04:37Sure
04:38Let's just all sit down
04:39With a cup of tea and work it out
04:40And you
04:41Zev Jeremiah Goldstein
04:43Need to sit down
04:44And write on a piece of paper
04:46That leaving me
04:48Is the worst thing that anyone's ever done
04:51Okay
04:51You write that out fucker
04:53Okay
04:53You write that out blood bastard
04:54Okay you don't leave
04:55In the next five seconds
04:57I swear to god
04:57We're gonna call the police
04:58Okay
04:58Hey stop
04:59I'm not walking
05:00At you
05:01I'm walking past you
05:02Little shorts
05:03Now I'm gonna give you
05:04The kind of five
05:04Five
05:05Five four
05:05Three
05:06Two
05:06One
05:06I may have taken a gnome to your door Wendy
05:28But you took an axe to my life
05:30You stole what was mine
05:36And you forced me to move
05:37Into an intergenerational
05:39Grey Gardens hell
05:40Of single women
05:41And one hairless dog
05:43Laura please
05:45The nails
05:45The sound is horrible
05:47The problem is
05:48My nails
05:48What about mom's throat sound
05:50What are you doing?
05:52Well
05:53The New York Times says
05:54That small motions
05:56See
05:56These small motions
05:57I'm doing right here
05:58They can extend your life
05:59By up to 15 years
06:01I really encourage you
06:02To try
06:03Alan Rickman
06:05Is so fucking hot
06:06It's one of those faces
06:07Where you look at first
06:08And you're like
06:08Hmm
06:09And then you look for longer
06:10And you're like
06:11You could get it
06:13Like I wanna take him out back
06:14And then have him
06:15Put it in my front
06:17Yeah
06:17Really encourage you
06:18To try the small motions
06:19Mom this is very very shaming
06:21Shaming
06:22Shaming
06:23By suggesting
06:24That I would like
06:25My daughter
06:25To walk this earth
06:26With me
06:27For a little while longer
06:27You know
06:28I could be the Dalai Lama
06:30And you would still
06:30Find fault with me
06:31If I hadn't married a Goy
06:33Your mother
06:34Wouldn't have married a Goy
06:35And your sister
06:36Wouldn't have married a Goy
06:38And you wouldn't love
06:39All these boring
06:41Goyish pictures
06:42The thing about
06:44A Christian man
06:46Is they always end up
06:48At the corner bar
06:49That's the reason
06:50You're all single
06:51And living in my house
06:52My Christian man
06:54Did not end up
06:54At the corner bar
06:55He ended up in Bushwick
06:56Doing therapeutic ketamine
06:58And experimenting
06:58With pansexuality
06:59It's different
07:00Just remember
07:00That I was with a Jew
07:02And he still dumped me
07:03Like I was on fire
07:04Oh that would be so funny
07:06Please not
07:08You know
07:08If you bruised yourself up
07:09A little
07:10You could make it
07:10With him again
07:11Once you hook up with him
07:12Once you go suck him off
07:14See if you can get him to come
07:15Any day
07:16Ew
07:16He has this erotic smell
07:19It could come right up the stairs
07:21I always knew
07:22You know what
07:23Just accept it
07:24Grandma's gonna hook up
07:24With your ex-boyfriend
07:25It's not a big deal
07:26Well he's living
07:27With another woman right now
07:28And she is a model
07:29I'm 13
07:30I'm not expected
07:31To have any plans
07:32On a Friday night
07:33But you're all kind
07:34Of a tragic line up
07:34Don't you think
07:35Well don't look at me
07:37All my friends are dead
07:38We're having a girls night
07:39What is wrong with you
07:40Just get the drink
07:42Goodbye
07:43See you in hell
07:45Make sure you put vodka
07:46In there
07:47See you in hell
07:48How dare you
07:49I'm your fucking mother
07:50He is so much like his father
07:53Honestly
07:53You have to rein him in
07:55You know what I love
07:56About this movie
07:57Is Emma Thompson
07:58Met her real life
07:59Husband of 35 years
08:01On this film
08:02Yes Greg Weiss
08:03He is so handsome
08:04So handsome
08:05My only consolation
08:06Love story set
08:08In pastoral England
08:09The romance
08:11The honor
08:12I mean
08:13Nobody's fucking
08:15Influencer in the works
08:16Of Jane Austen
08:17Hi
08:21I'm Jessica Alba
08:22And I'm talking to you
08:24The mom waiting
08:25In the carpool lane
08:26Can we
08:27Can we cut
08:28Do you have a hair
08:29In your eye
08:30No it's just
08:31This isn't the script
08:32I approved
08:32I have
08:33It's
08:35I don't know
08:37What to say
08:38Like you have me
08:39Talking to everyone
08:40Like they're 1950s
08:41Housewives
08:42No so we had to do
08:43Some punch ups
08:43To the script
08:44Because it was just
08:45Starting to feel
08:45A little bit
08:46You know
08:46Harsh
08:47Wait you did punch ups
08:48We get it
08:49Like you know
08:49You have kids
08:50You have jobs
08:51And it's really hard
08:52For you
08:52But it's also
08:53Really depressing
08:53Why don't we
08:55Get hair and makeup
08:56In so we can get
08:56The bangs off of her face
08:58I don't have bangs
08:58No bangs
09:00You know
09:01I think that
09:02She's more concerned
09:03About the script
09:03Than the look
09:04And you made
09:05A lot of changes
09:05That she wasn't able
09:06To see until now
09:07Wow
09:08I'm gonna go talk
09:09To the client
09:10About the script
09:10I'm the client
09:12This is my business
09:14I'm the boss
09:15So sorry
09:16About him
09:16What a freaking nerd
09:18I am so over
09:20These underprepared Jeffs
09:22How do they get hired
09:24And for what it's worth
09:25I mean
09:25I know that you don't
09:26Have bangs
09:26You have long layers
09:27Obviously
09:28Yeah
09:28And you created
09:29This amazing company
09:30And I love Dark Angel
09:31It was a really influential
09:32Show for me
09:33I wanted to be
09:34A bike messenger
09:34After watching
09:35Really
09:35Listen
09:36Okay so I have
09:37Kind of a wild idea
09:38What if we get
09:39Jeff to go take
09:40Like I don't know
09:41A permanent nap
09:42And you and I
09:45Can do this together
09:46You know
09:47Shoot it
09:48In a few hours
09:49You and I do it
09:51You and I
09:51Shoot it
09:52Yes
09:52I don't think you want me
09:54I'm not very capable
09:55Uh yes you are
09:56Listen
09:57There's nothing
09:58That that man knows
10:00That you don't
10:01You are way more capable
10:03Than him
10:03Trust me
10:04Wait
10:04Wait where are you going
10:07I'm gonna go to the bathroom
10:10Jessica Alba
10:10Why
10:11Hey
10:12Well hurry back okay
10:14Because he's
10:14A bed
10:15Everything is fine
10:17So chill out
10:18No it's not
10:19Because I just found you
10:20Staring into space
10:21Gnawing on a Danish
10:22With one hand
10:22And trying to pull
10:23A chunk out of your hair
10:23With the other
10:24It's under control
10:25No it's not
10:26Dad is
10:26Jessica Alba just said
10:27You ran out of there
10:28And left her to be
10:29Tucked into some random bed
10:30Like an orphan in a horror film
10:31She just asked you
10:32To hold it down
10:33Okay well
10:34Have the AD do it
10:36He's a people person
10:36Who loved that
10:37No she's not
10:38He's an ass grabber
10:39Who somehow snuck by me too
10:40You know
10:45People ask me
10:47What it's like
10:48To work with my sister-in-law
10:50Ex-sister-in-law
10:51I have to remind you
10:52That you left my sister
10:53To explore non-monogamy
10:54With a couple
10:55Who are both named Cody
10:56And you know
10:56I will tell whoever
10:57Listens to me
10:58That we've never had an issue
10:59Working together
11:00Because you slay for me
11:02Every time
11:03But something has shifted
11:05With you
11:06You had so much
11:08Passion and drive
11:10And energy
11:10When I met you
11:11You had sparkle
11:12And now
11:14I don't know
11:16Now
11:16You're mad
11:19You're just mad
11:22You probably haven't noticed
11:23Because you've been so busy
11:24With the Cody's
11:25But I've had a terrible year
11:26Not only was I left
11:28By the man that I thought
11:29I would die with
11:29So was my sister
11:30And then we moved in
11:31With my mother
11:32Who lost her house
11:33Because she's spending
11:34Too much money
11:35On sweaty Betty apparel
11:36I used to think
11:37I was going to be like
11:38This great director
11:39Really say something
11:40About the female experience
11:41You know
11:41I wanted to say something
11:42And then
11:44I had to revise that dream
11:45And now
11:46I've been working
11:47For people for 15 fucking years
11:49That wouldn't care
11:50If I died
11:51You took a gun
11:52And you were shooting me
11:53In the throat
11:54And I was laid out
11:55On the floor bleeding
11:56They would have me
11:57Replaced by lunch
11:58No, no, no
11:58No, no, no
11:59No guns
12:00No shooting
12:00You're fine
12:01You're fine
12:03But I get it
12:05You're unhappy
12:06Okay, listen
12:08We are merging
12:09With Rattigan and Vine
12:10In London
12:11Congratulations
12:12And they have asked
12:13About finding
12:14A super strong
12:15Producer
12:17For this
12:17This big Christmas ad
12:19And I want to
12:20Put you up for it
12:21I think this might revive
12:24The jest that I knew
12:26At the very least
12:28You won't tell my
12:29Soon-to-be ex-wife
12:30When I show up
12:31With a forehead hickey
12:32You want me to go to London
12:36You love movies
12:38Where women fan themselves
12:39And die of tuberculosis
12:41And shit
12:42You saw Spice World
12:43Nine times in the theater
12:45No, I can't
12:46I can't leave the city
12:47This beautiful city
12:48I can't leave New York
12:49I am New York, baby
12:50Look at me
12:51I have a lot
12:53I have
12:53I have to
12:54I have
12:55What, babe?
13:00What do you have?
13:05I don't have to
13:07Stay much
13:08And then I realized
13:10I could do it
13:11I could go
13:12And change my life
13:13You don't own me
13:15Wendy Jones
13:15There's the baby
13:18We'll miss you, Astrid
13:20You know
13:21I think it took me
13:23A long time
13:23Before I realized
13:25That I wasn't fully
13:26Mothered
13:27And part of it
13:28Was post-war attitudes
13:30Towards maternal obligation
13:31But some of it
13:33Is just her
13:34Bad personality
13:36So I want you to know
13:37That no matter
13:38How old you get
13:40And you will
13:41I will mother you
13:45I will mother you
13:47Harder than you can take
13:49Okay, ouch
13:50Sounds my lit, Mom
13:51Well, hopefully not
13:53If this is going on and on
13:56I'm going back inside
13:57I love you, Grandma
14:00It's very possible
14:02I won't see you again
14:03In this lifetime
14:04So give me a kiss
14:06On the lips
14:06I'm only kidding
14:09That's embarrassing
14:11When someone leans in
14:12Remember to tickle
14:13All the guards
14:14At Buckingham Palace
14:15If anyone can make them smile
14:17It's you
14:18You've got a lot of spirit
14:20No waste
14:22But a lot of spirit
14:24Okay, get her in the house
14:25Hi
14:26Americans think British people
14:28Are snotty and pretentious
14:29But smart
14:30British people think
14:31Americans are stupid
14:32And vulgar
14:32But funny
14:33If you remember that
14:34You should be fine
14:35Later
14:35I need to get the hat
14:37I'll kiss you
14:39On the lips of me
14:39Oh, my baby
14:41I'll miss you guys
14:43I love you
14:43Call me right when you get there
14:45Don't forget
14:46Like, how did we survive
14:48Up until this point?
14:50I don't know
14:50Oh, wait
14:51We didn't
14:52They are so crazy
14:54I can't believe
14:55That you're doing this
14:56You were the kid
14:56Who, like, threw up
14:57On sleepovers
14:58And had to go home
14:59By 7.30pm
15:00I guess I'm all grown up
15:01Then, I want you to promise me
15:03This is important
15:04That you're not going to kiss anyone
15:05Who's missing more than two teeth
15:06And if they are missing teeth
15:07They have to be in the back
15:08Not the front
15:09But let them go down on me
15:11Yeah, of course
15:11Because that's going to be
15:12Like an interesting
15:12Kind of like gummy sensation
15:13I don't want that
15:14I don't want that
15:15Then just remember, okay?
15:21You're my best thing
15:22I'm going to London
15:25You might not recognize me
15:27I had bangs in the last picture
15:28But it is she
15:30High five?
15:32Yeah
15:32Aw
15:32Wish I was one of your daughters
15:35Oh, cheers
15:36Yeah, they're not all mine
15:37Just some of them
15:38Do you guys know him?
15:40Are you guys okay?
15:40No, three of my nieces
15:41We just went to Florida
15:43Okay, like, that clears your name
15:45Patient to the others
15:46Kind to yourself
15:47Open to new experiences
15:48Close to pain
15:49Patient to others
15:50Kind to yourself
15:51Open to new experiences
15:52Close to pain
15:52Yes, I know exactly
15:53Is that a dog?
16:05Yes
16:05Oh, a phone booth
16:09What's that?
16:10So funny
16:11Those phone booths are so funny
16:13It's like
16:13Probably people don't use them, right?
16:21My God
16:21That's fucking him
16:22How it's
16:23Look
16:25Look
16:26Let me go
16:35Thank you
16:36Thank you
16:37There you go
16:38Sister, you want to lift?
16:40Oh, no
16:41I think we missed it
16:42I'm looking for
16:43Hoxton Grove Estate
16:44You know, estate grounds
16:45Ferdinand Gardens
16:46Archways
16:48Some real
16:48Merchant Ivory type shit
16:50I don't
16:51I didn't get to that
16:52And
16:52Good luck with that, love
16:54I just
16:55I don't think this is it
16:56It is
16:57I'll tell you
16:58No
16:58That's £98.75, please
17:02Welcome to London
17:04Last trip, Mama
17:12When are they coming to fix the dryer?
17:16I'm too sorry
17:16Because my sheets are still damp
17:17There's nothing you're not used to
17:19Excuse me, I told you not to talk about that
17:22Oh
17:23Guys, I'm sick of this lie
17:26Hello
17:36Hello
17:36Sorry
17:38I'm Gaz
17:39Live here in the building
17:41I've been put in charge of your stay
17:43I've been put in charge of your stay
17:43While your host Bob and Shirley enjoy their autumn in Marbella
17:46It's the life, isn't it, eh?
17:48Who are you?
17:49A little creature, hi
17:51Nice to meet you
17:52I sure hope you're sweet
17:54She's not
17:54Only because I lost me leg
17:56Nearly
17:56Nearly lost me leg
17:57To the ball terrier
17:58Just down there
18:00Yeah, we had to put her down
18:02How did you?
18:03Never mind
18:04I'll get the door
18:04It's just a little bit of a nap to it
18:07All right
18:09Welcome in
18:10It said it's steep
18:14And, um, I just, yeah
18:17I had a different picture in my head
18:18I swore I saw crown moulding in the description
18:21Yep
18:22But, you know, that's like
18:23That's just a stain
18:24Uh, that actually, I believe, is champagne, uh, stain
18:29I mean, I'm being so silly
18:31It's just, it's temporary, right?
18:33Like, three months
18:33I'm probably not even going to be home a lot
18:35I'm probably going to be at, like, amazing parties or something
18:37Yeah
18:38Type it in
18:39That's a really nice photo of you
18:42That's the one from Murder, She Wrote
18:44Really?
18:46Okay
18:47Okay, do you have the keys?
18:49So, nothing was really inspiring me in my closet
18:51And I just, like, got this new knitting machine
18:55And it's just incredible
18:56I can, like, make these kind of tube styles really easy
18:59So
18:59Oh, you made me on an outfit
19:01Yeah
19:02Oh, you can't go to a store and buy an outfit
19:04I'm freaking cute
19:05Tell me if you think it's, um, crazy cute or crazy crazy
19:09Oh my god, I'm in hell
19:21Hey baby, can you come here for a second?
19:25Oh my god, I'm in hell
19:28Oh my god
19:29Oh my god
19:30No
19:32Oh my god, stupid
19:38No, Wendy
19:41No
19:41No, no, okay
19:43I came here to release you
19:45Not to replay you again and again
19:47So I'll put on my dress
19:49So I'll put on my dress and I'll handle my hair
19:50And I'll go to a random bar
19:52Sorry, pub
19:53And I'll let life have its way with me
19:56Or, you know, maybe I'll have my way with it
19:59With my life
20:01I'll just
20:02Ah, get over there and I'll have my way with my life
20:05There you go
20:06That makes sense
20:07Where are you from?
20:29Where are you from?
20:30Gentlemen that can't get it up
20:33And women that fall in their sleep
20:35Welcome to the 100 millionth installment of Easy Come
20:40Where we bring you the best musicians live and direct
20:44And we're lucky to have with us one of our regulars
20:47He's the king of excess
20:48A crystalline raindrop of a boy
20:50Along with whatever form his band takes tonight
20:53I give you Felix and the Feelers
20:56Yeah, thanks Jim
20:59Here you go
21:05I would rather
21:19Lie here in Venus's lab
21:24Like a pearl
21:26Mars is red and mad
21:32Waging war like a game
21:37I'm bursting into flames
21:40Give me that honey
21:43I just want honey
21:47It's always the girls
21:52It's always the girls
21:54It's always the girls
21:59It's always the girls
22:02Oh
22:07Oh my God
22:13Fucking hell
22:24Who's done that?
22:26For fuck's sake
22:27Yo, sorry
22:32Have you got any bog roll in there?
22:34Oh hi
22:34Hi, I'm sorry
22:36I'm not telling you no shit or anything
22:37It's just a total fucking carnage situation in here
22:40Sorry, are you talking to me?
22:41Uh, yep
22:43Can you see my hand?
22:44Yeah
22:45Have you got any bog roll?
22:46Oh
22:46What do you call it?
22:48Toilet
22:48Yeah, thank you
22:49Okay
22:52Yeah, I just don't want someone to think it was me
22:54Do you know what I mean?
22:56Fuck me
22:57I've actually done quite a good job of that in here
23:02Oh, you sing
23:06You're the singing guy
23:07Oh yeah, yeah
23:08It was really nice
23:09Thanks, yeah
23:10Bit of a weird song that one
23:12I think all the sinks are broken
23:13Yeah, you can still use the soap
23:15But just rub it in
23:16No, you can't
23:17You have to rinse off the soap
23:19Otherwise you have germs and soap on your hands
23:20Plus you'll be like really sticky
23:22Feel that?
23:24Yeah, you're really sticky
23:25Won't be in ten minutes though
23:27Why?
23:28What are you going to do?
23:28Chop your hands off?
23:30Do you want one of those drinks by the way?
23:31They're my friends
23:32But they've probably got new ones by now
23:33Oh, no offense
23:34I would literally never take an open drink from a man
23:37Especially one who doesn't wash his hands
23:38Fair enough
23:39Felix, by the way
23:40Thanks for the book
23:41Okay, I'm just
23:42I'm Jessica
23:44Are you okay?
24:02Fine, yeah
24:03Are you sure?
24:07You seem kind of
24:08Not okay
24:10Vibes
24:11Can I just be where I am
24:13Or do I have to smile all the time
24:15Like some laughing clown?
24:17I mean, you hardly ever smile
24:19That's one of the things I like about you
24:21Then when you do smile
24:24It's extra Spanish
24:27Smile button
24:28Oh, it's broken
24:30Nope
24:34Shall I guess?
24:37Later, Felix
24:38Oh, yeah
24:39Wow
24:40Maybe I'll take a Diet Coke
24:42Whenever you get the chance
24:44But don't worry about it
24:46I mean, I'm not even thirsty
24:48I love this place
24:50It's so indie
24:51It's awesome
24:53Oh, my God
24:56Oh, my God
25:01Hey
25:02What?
25:04That's funny, seeing you here
25:06I was literally just thinking about
25:07Whether you believed me
25:09About how it wasn't me pissed on the toilet seat
25:11No, I mean, I saw it before
25:14What are you doing?
25:15Standing on your own
25:15Under a bridge
25:16I'm, like, trying to get an Uber
25:18I don't understand why this is not working
25:20Do you know where this is?
25:23Yeah, you've ordered that to Heathrow
25:25Okay
25:26That explains it
25:27I guess I'll just walk
25:30It's probably not that far
25:32What if you accidentally walk to Heathrow?
25:35I mean, that's a distinct possibility, I guess
25:37Where are you going?
25:39I feel like it's about to piss it down
25:40Hoxton Grove Estate
25:42Hoxton Grove Estate?
25:44What?
25:45I bet you thought that meant something else, didn't you?
25:48When you saw the word estate
25:49I mean, I'm not upset
25:50I just need to adjust my expectations
25:52I'm always, like, adjusting my expectations
25:55Let me guess
25:55You're like one of those love-actually-loving girls
25:58Or no, is it like the crown?
26:00You're obsessed with the crown?
26:01You're on, like, a pilgrimage
26:01No, I'm not obsessed with the crown
26:03Thank you very much
26:05I'm, um, a Wuthering Heights crime suspect rising, I guess
26:10Shit, okay
26:11Sorry, I underestimated you
26:12Yeah, you did
26:14I mean, I did have a special edition Princess Diana
26:17Beanie Baby
26:18Yeah, we all had those
26:19You've got, like, an American accent, right?
26:21No, I'm not, um, I don't have that
26:24I don't have an American accent
26:25It's Slovakian, actually
26:26I've actually always liked American things
26:28Really? Like what?
26:30The Simpsons
26:30I actually genuinely like The Simpsons
26:32Yeah, it's a good show
26:33Captain Crunch
26:35Yum
26:35Delicious
26:36Oxycontin
26:39That's American, right?
26:40Big fan of that
26:40I love that, yeah
26:41It's my favourite breakfast
26:43Sorry, how long have you been here again?
26:47Um, I got in today
26:49And I got here today
26:51What the fuck?
26:52I know
26:53What are you doing in, like, South London
26:55Without any of your friends?
26:56Well, do you want me to tell you the truth?
27:00My ex-boyfriend and I split up six months ago
27:03Because he couldn't see himself as, like, a father and a husband
27:06And now he's engaged to, like, an online girl
27:10Like an influencer
27:11She makes lip gloss
27:13Do you want me to murder them?
27:14Yeah
27:15I want you to cut their heads off and sew them back on
27:18As a lesson
27:19I don't want you to fully kill them
27:20But I'll root you on
27:23You're cold, by the way
27:24I've got this
27:26No, I run hot
27:28Yeah
27:28I'm, like, sweating
27:30Do you want to walk?
27:33Are you going to my house?
27:35Well, I don't want you to get murdered on your first night in London
27:37It's really nice
27:38No, I'm sort of semi-squatting with a friend
27:42Near this area called Angel
27:44We actually live, like, right across from the internet
27:46It's really doing my head in
27:47The internet?
27:49Yeah, like, one of the big companies
27:50Like, the internet companies
27:51It's really stressing me out
27:53Because, like, when I wake up in the morning
27:54Like, we live literally right opposite this building
27:56So I'm like, have they just been beaming internet signals
27:59Like, straight into my brain
28:00And, like, my crotch all night
28:02Do you know what I mean?
28:03That sounds really, like, sexual
28:05What, like, I'm being fucked by the internet?
28:08Yeah
28:08That's how it feels
28:09I feel like I've been fucked all night by this internet building
28:12That's pretty graphic
28:12That's disgusting
28:13I actually heard my neighbour yell cunt really loudly
28:18And then, like, throw her husband up against the wall
28:21At least that's what it sounds like
28:22What, in, like, where you're going now?
28:25Mm-hmm, where I'm going now
28:27Dark, okay
28:28I know, I don't know why I said that
28:29What a bummer
28:30You're sure it's this far?
28:31Oh, this is, like, a two-hour affair, at least
28:34Oh, so now we're having an affair?
28:38I'm actually getting really cold
28:40Oh, yeah?
28:42Do you want my jacket?
28:44Yes, please
28:44It's kind of blustery
28:46Like, when you're surrounded by tall buildings, right?
28:48Yeah
28:48Do you need a hand?
28:51There you go
28:52Fucking hell, are you going to blow away?
28:57I'm actually really hot now, sorry
28:58What?
28:59Yeah, immediately hot
29:00This is a whirlwind, all right
29:01You didn't...
29:02Okay
29:03Well, do you want to come up and see my new, horrible, shitty new apartment?
29:10Your apartment?
29:12Oh, my God, my apartment sucks
29:14I don't sound like that
29:16Yeah, sure, all right
29:19This isn't horrible at all
29:23It's kind of homey
29:25It's like being in grandma's suitcase or something
29:29I quite like it
29:30Oh, my God, who is that?
29:33How'd you get in here?
29:34What is that?
29:37Is that your dog?
29:39She's a weirdo, but she's an iconic queen
29:41Hey
29:42I mean, I guess we're all weirdos, aren't we?
29:46I adopted her when she was nine
29:48She's ten now
29:49She had a cancerous lump on her lungs
29:51So I emptied out my savings and got it removed
29:54And now she's just a cancer-free lump
29:56Oh
29:56Hey
29:58Hi, lumpkin
29:58Okay, she's not wearing any clothes
30:01Stop looking at her
30:02Okay
30:03Does she have a favourite song?
30:07Um, probably anything by Fiona Apple
30:09Oh
30:11Tidal's a good album
30:13Well, it's the first CD I ever owned
30:15Tidal?
30:20Not like Backstreet Boys or
30:22That song about how it's just a little crush or whatever?
30:28Hmm
30:30Who'd leave you?
30:34Fuck that guy
30:35Well, you don't know him
30:37Maybe he's amazing
30:38Maybe you guys would be best friends
30:39No, I don't think we'd be best friends
30:42Um
30:49Oh, sorry
30:56Sorry
30:57Are you sick?
31:01No, I'm just, like, seeing someone
31:03Uh
31:03Like, like, it's not
31:05It's probably not going to work out
31:07But just because it's been a few months
31:08Yeah
31:08Um, sure
31:10I'm just trying to do stuff a bit differently
31:12Like, so
31:12I feel like
31:13I was kidding
31:14I'm so tired
31:15I just, um
31:16I gotta work
31:18Not tonight
31:18I'm not, like, a night worker
31:19I'm not, like, a cop
31:20Okay
31:21I shouldn't have even went out tonight
31:22Where's my bed?
31:26Gotta
31:26Go to
31:27I feel like I'm asleep right now
31:29I mean, do you want to hang out, like, another time?
31:31Yeah, hope you have a nice, amazing night
31:33Yeah, good to meet you, too
31:33Do you want to, like, swap, you know, like, numbers or
31:36I need to go to sleep
31:38Cool, okay
31:39All right
31:39Get out of here or I'll catch you again
31:41I'm kidding
31:42All right
31:43Yeah
31:43See you later
31:44You don't have a bag or something
31:45No, I don't
31:46Okay
31:47You're okay, yeah?
31:48I hope to see you singing around town
31:50Cool
31:50All right, bye
31:51I saw a bug
31:58Dear, dear Wendy Jones
32:06I'm no longer dreaming of a new life
32:08I'm living it
32:09I'm gonna take a lover
32:10Not the guy that was here tonight
32:12He's kind of weird
32:13But a different lover
32:14Many lovers
32:15We're all gonna make love
32:17Or something like that
32:18The fire of my passion
32:20Cannot be extinguished
32:22Oh, my God
32:25Oh, my God
32:26Drop drum and roll
32:27Stop
32:28Drop
32:29And roll
32:30Oh, my God
32:31You moved like honey
32:38In my dream last night
32:45Yes, and old fires were burning
32:50You came near me
32:579-1-1
32:589-1-1
33:00Or is it different here?
33:029-0-1
33:049-9-9
33:06I feel like I'm really dizzy
33:07Like I feel like I'm gonna pass out or something
33:10Can you unlock the door for us, ma'am?
33:13I just feel like I'm really gonna go down
33:16I'm not drunk
33:17If you thought I was drunk
33:17I'm not drunk
33:19Yeah, look, we're very dear friends
33:21Very, very close
33:22If any last-minute operations or decisions
33:25I'm your guy, all right?
33:27So, what's going on?
33:28Did she do it on purpose or what?
33:29Before we go, we needed to get her under some cold water
33:32Like I'm pasta
33:34What, Mum?
33:35Like I'm pasta
33:36I'm burned and this little guy's just spraying me
33:40You're fine
33:41Just keep breathing
33:43Just keep breathing
33:44Like you're giving birth
33:45To twins
33:46Wait, where's my dog?
33:47You guys aren't watching my dog
33:49If she was a kid, you guys would be watching her
33:51You only care about kids
33:52You don't care about dogs
33:54What, that little goat?
33:55I thought it was a heaven's cat
33:56Stay with me
33:59You all right?
34:02And by God, Wendy
34:04There he was
34:05My Mr. Darcy
34:07My Rochester
34:08My Alan Rickman
34:10My...
34:11Felix
34:24I'm going down like
34:24How come every time you come around my London, London bridge
34:29Want to go down like
34:30London, London, London
34:31Want to go down like
34:32London, London, London
34:34We're going down like
34:35You got your guilt in the news
34:37Now I'm wishing that I didn't wear these shoes
34:39It's like, every time I get up on the dude
34:42Paparazzi put my business in the news
34:45And I'm like, get up out my face
34:47Or I'll turn around and spray your ass with me
34:49My lips make you want to have a taste
34:52You got that?
34:53You got that?
34:53I got the bang
34:55How come every time you come around my London, London bridge
35:00Want to go down like
35:01London, London, London
35:02Want to go down like
35:03London, London, London
35:05We're going down like
35:06How come every time you come around my London, London bridge
35:10Want to go down like
35:11London, London, London
35:13Want to go down like
35:14London, London, London
35:15We're going down like
35:17Oh, shit, no, girl
35:18Yeah