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00:00:00Previously on Love After Lockup.
00:00:03Me and Demadric got together when I was in high school.
00:00:08What's up, mama? Give me a hug. You ain't all right?
00:00:10Yeah.
00:00:11Joela is still in love with Demadric.
00:00:13Do me and her got anything going on?
00:00:14I don't know. You tell me.
00:00:15Demadric's cheated on me with her twice.
00:00:17Today I'm going to make a promise to be with you forever.
00:00:19This is more of a promise that we will get married.
00:00:22I've got to engage to Kiana.
00:00:24Who wants to play with who feelings?
00:00:26I have some messages in Demadric's phone.
00:00:29He's been entertaining his baby mama.
00:00:31Get your get the hurry up.
00:00:34What's up, beautiful?
00:00:36Who the are you talking to all morning?
00:00:38You talking to your ex?
00:00:39I'm blocking Alex on his Facebook.
00:00:40Can I come see you tomorrow?
00:00:41Okay.
00:00:42Let me check this for his location.
00:00:43He's in Mark.
00:00:44Alex lives in Mark, bro.
00:00:46Hey.
00:00:47I'm not doing this anymore.
00:00:49I got to go.
00:00:50You and Brian, he's going to live with you?
00:00:53Yes.
00:00:54I'm going to have children with him and everything.
00:00:55I'm so excited.
00:00:57So I just wanted to give y'all some ground rules.
00:01:00He needs to be back here by three o'clock.
00:01:02Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:01:03I'm about to take you to a strip club.
00:01:05I'm just trying to see where you're at.
00:01:06I just told you I'm on my way home.
00:01:08I can't believe we're about to be out.
00:01:10I can't wait to see you and just hug you.
00:01:12Hi, babe.
00:01:13We're not in a relationship?
00:01:14No.
00:01:15He's lying about everything.
00:01:17It ain't nobody else.
00:01:18It's just me.
00:01:19Yeah, it is somebody else.
00:01:20And that's the end of it.
00:01:22I'm putting a little air tag on my car.
00:01:25I can see for myself where he going.
00:01:27No, my God.
00:01:28You're pretty.
00:01:29I'm scared.
00:01:30Where is he at?
00:01:31He had vengeance.
00:01:32We gotta go to vengeance.
00:01:33Who are these girls?
00:01:34Why you ain't answer the phone?
00:01:35Why are y'all ladies leaving my car?
00:01:37It's a wrap.
00:01:38Hey, babe.
00:01:40I thought we were, like, gonna consummate things, but I wasn't feeling it.
00:01:44Alright, call me when you're done.
00:01:45I'm not used to having someone watching everything that I do.
00:01:48What do you need all your contacts for?
00:01:50Maybe we can grab something and eat together.
00:01:52Okay, whatever.
00:01:53We should go our separate ways.
00:01:55Like, you don't even want a better life.
00:01:56No.
00:01:57I don't want to talk to you right now.
00:01:58Okay.
00:01:59Hi!
00:02:00Courtney and I have been dating for about six months now.
00:02:03We've spent no physical time together.
00:02:04I do.
00:02:05I'd never thought that I'd be dropping my bride off at a halfway house.
00:02:09on my wedding night.
00:02:10Hey, baby.
00:02:11How you doing?
00:02:12Is it just temporary?
00:02:13Temporary.
00:02:14We were acting kind of funny last night.
00:02:16Started making me ask questions.
00:02:18Maybe she's using drugs.
00:02:19We just got married and you don't trust me?
00:02:21I don't understand why we're at a sandwich shop for our first date.
00:02:23Are you broke?
00:02:24I just damn near shelled out, like, ten grand on you getting out.
00:02:27Wow.
00:02:28Oh, lord.
00:02:29Oh, lord.
00:02:30Oh, lord.
00:02:31Here we go.
00:02:32Tell them to give me the crime.
00:02:33Give me the crime.
00:02:34Yeah, I want it.
00:02:35Party.
00:02:36You're ungrateful as hell right now.
00:02:37You had sugar daddies that are giving you money all the time.
00:02:38That's not...
00:02:39And I know for a fact that you didn't get rid of them.
00:02:40Okay, okay.
00:02:41Maybe if you provided for me a little bit more, I wouldn't have to go to them.
00:02:42Take the bus.
00:02:43Oh, no, no.
00:02:57You.
00:02:58I didn't ask him for a single dollar when I was in prison.
00:03:03Because he knew I had people taking care of me.
00:03:07of me and he was totally cool with that and now all of a sudden he's not and he's throwing it in
00:03:12my face what kind of is that like this is the day after our wedding that crazy i could be a single
00:03:20woman all day i had people who took care of me and provided for me in prison if you want to take that
00:03:31and called a sugar daddy then that's on you i accumulated 25 000 roughly from the people who
00:03:43took care of me but i was in for 15 months and i spent anywhere from 15 to 1700 a month for commissary
00:03:52hair products and snacks and food i only saved a 1400 why does it even matter like
00:04:02you're not giving it to me so what are you wanting to do i thought i knew her but i didn't expect her
00:04:09to be this spoiled she never really talked about money like that we've been arguing all day
00:04:15i'm pretty bummed out good thing about diamonds is the resale value stays high
00:04:31it's not worth it
00:04:42barbie stop stop stop stop stop stop stop let me drive you home what is there to talk about will
00:04:49you don't trust me you obviously think i'm not worthy
00:04:55why are you demanding my money my wallet let me see your bank you're a broke boy what do you think
00:05:00that does to me i just don't know what to expect from me when i get in the car we're not talking fine
00:05:06your sandwiches are ready uh could we get those to go to go yes okay thank you so much
00:05:11this is not what i signed up for this is not how i want to spend the rest of our lives
00:05:22rushing in to marriage may have been a mistake
00:05:26for better or for worse i guess right
00:05:36can't get no sleep
00:05:38because you're all i need last night was just draining i actually don't know where julius is
00:05:48right now i have no clue so he didn't come home last night
00:05:51i want to do a night with them girls so like and she ain't have no reason to be tripping
00:06:10i know girls are going to be involved he has to have girls in his videos and stuff i don't know
00:06:16it's going to be hard to get used to being able to separate if it's work or you know something more
00:06:22than that if i would have did that to julius pulling up in his car with guys coming out not
00:06:29answering his call all day he would never let nothing like that fly i just feel like he just don't
00:06:35respect me when it's just time for me to be standing up for myself and especially now that i'm pregnant
00:06:41if he can't accept my boundaries then it's just not gonna work
00:06:50damn it smell good in here
00:06:54what's up babe where you been at was that jew house why you ain't text or called me last night
00:07:05where the food at
00:07:06i didn't know if he was coming or not you ain't come home
00:07:17no i'm not coming home you didn't come home last night
00:07:22good i was just chilling so you can't tell me you're chilling in andrew house
00:07:27that was my bad but it wasn't nothing though you got to realize that this the career that i'm
00:07:39taking so like it's gonna be females at the studio sometime well why you can't communicate and tell me
00:07:45that they there you making it a secret i shouldn't have to pop up and see them
00:07:49i apologize for not communicating with you i got bigger stuff i need to talk to you about play like
00:07:59what i'm sure
00:08:20so what does this mean say i'm pregnant
00:08:25we pregnant yeah i'm pregnant we pregnant
00:08:33damn
00:08:36i don't know that's
00:08:39that's crazy
00:08:42i thought he was gonna be kind of more just like
00:08:45happy but nervous like i expect him to be nervous that's a lot for anybody
00:08:49but it's not like he didn't know it was a possibility we don't use protection so it's like
00:08:53you knew that could happen
00:08:57hey are you sure though yeah he don't too though you know sometimes they don't be right though it's right
00:09:03i'm pregnant i missed my period i've been nauseous and sick my boobs hurt i'm pregnant
00:09:11i mean that's a lot man that's crazy i don't know what to say
00:09:21it is what it is i guess it is what it is you guess i mean that's what it is
00:09:30we got a lot going on right now we gonna be able to handle that yeah what you mean
00:09:34what other option we got
00:09:43it's here now so what we gonna do
00:09:46we've only been serious for a certain amount of time
00:10:00and i just got out of prison not even a whole month i'm not really trying to have no kids right now
00:10:06no i'm gonna piss me off
00:10:19what's the lie and what's the truth you literally left me and ran into someone else's arm
00:10:31i'm on my way oh this is house right now i don't give a
00:10:34i don't know who he's with what he's doing daddy gonna have to go to work soon all right what you
00:10:40doing all right i'll see you in a second you don't have to use over this how do you feel like i may
00:10:47have made a mistake
00:10:58these hundred dollar shirts you're on what they are do you know how much money i put in your books
00:11:02and this is what i get cheated on i went through the magic's phone and i found out he was cheating
00:11:18with joyla why did you cheat on me with her
00:11:24because when i was gone i gave you all my trust
00:11:28i made decisions off of what you did and you opened that door first you you started this platform
00:11:34you were young you don't think that's a little it doesn't matter it doesn't matter
00:11:38i did have a slip up while demodric was in the shoe
00:11:42because i found out that he was texting his baby mama so i saw he was entertaining someone so i started
00:11:50entertaining someone if you want to go fling and have your fun go do that that's not what i want
00:11:55entertain me while you're doing my face but that's what i'm getting but what i'm saying is that's
00:11:59what you did demodric is definitely trying to justify his excuse with my wrongdoing but let's be for
00:12:06real if the roles were reversed you would have not been faithful you couldn't have even done it
00:12:13while we were together we can move forward if you want to but that's all on to you how are we gonna
00:12:18move forward when you keep reaching back you don't have that situation taken care of so how can you
00:12:22start a situation with me okay we separate it cool
00:12:33matter of fact hold on you want your ring back you know i want my grab my ring back if you don't want
00:12:38it matter of fact i'm gonna kill your wine first
00:12:42damn you couldn't hand it to me no you couldn't do right enjoy your evening
00:13:01joeyla is the mother of my kids giving a key under the ring definitely changed the momentum
00:13:06it's a lot more pressure on me a lot more weight and so one day i kick it with joeyla and one thing
00:13:13led to another and that's how i went not proud of it there's definitely some uh regrets there
00:13:20i feel like a fool i feel embarrassed i feel betrayed i feel dumb
00:13:33oh man i'm sad
00:13:39this just isn't how i imagined it to be it's just very hard
00:13:44i just love him is love enough no
00:14:06this is at alex's house like i don't care anymore i don't give a
00:14:14alex's house like i don't care about it
00:14:19yes i did start hanging out with troy but we did not have sex while you and i were together
00:14:26and that is the truth
00:14:29at this point like i'm trying to differentiate what's a lie and what's the truth because
00:14:33everything you told me there was lies built into it so like at the end of the day how am i supposed
00:14:41to believe what you're saying now it's crazy that alex still denies everything and that she still
00:14:47can't take accountability for her actions and honestly i just it just makes me lose respect for
00:14:53her i heard the recording of her admitting that dude did y'all like every night or no
00:14:58i don't know we only had sex four times i don't like having sex with men who can't go longer than 38 seconds
00:15:06you're woman enough to do you know be woman enough to man up and admit it
00:15:11like i was finna give you my all i was finna give you the world like a diamond for like scrap
00:15:16metal i don't understand that because as a man i did everything i was supposed to do i gave you a fair
00:15:20chance like i did i gave you like a 100 fair chance and i need you to like respect the fact that i'm really trying to make
00:15:26work with brooke because i'm trying to give her that chance now
00:15:32she wasn't there when you were locked up it was like i messed up once and you literally left me and
00:15:38ran into someone else's arms how the hell is that supposed to make me feel how do you think i
00:15:44felt in there obviously good because you left me to go to her
00:15:56jk is allowing brooke to push me out of his life
00:16:02i do not think that brooke deserves to be with jk he just deserves so much better
00:16:08i love that man and i believe jk loves me i think he just kind of covered it up
00:16:22it wasn't supposed to be like this it wasn't i gave you every piece of me you know
00:16:26i'm saying you shattered me bro i feel like you shattered me
00:16:35come here
00:16:38i don't want to you hurt me worse than i've ever been hurt in my life
00:16:45and like
00:16:45i just don't want to cry no more bro i don't want to hurt no more i just want to be happy i'm home
00:16:59i'm with my family you know what i'm saying like i'm trying to figure this out
00:17:03i have nothing in life like i have nothing all i have is my loved ones
00:17:08i don't want to be happy james like if being happy is what you want then let me go because
00:17:16apparently i can't do that for you
00:17:25bro i'm on my way to alligus's house right now i left work early to do this i probably just lost my
00:17:31job over this dumb it sounds like he wants a cake and to eat it too
00:17:35like well he had that cake but he ain't eating this one no more i'm done
00:17:45if i'm not trusting you what are we doing bye see you later are you gonna leave me with a card
00:17:51what is your plan i love you i'm not about to be no delivery boy so i didn't support you in prison
00:17:58that's why you're in my presence i'm so over this
00:18:05i don't want to hear what he's got to say because whatever he's got to say is bull
00:18:24you've done enough of this all year do something different
00:18:40i did not go well i didn't never thought it was gonna go well he didn't get mad exactly
00:18:46he got sad he got hurt i broke his heart and i don't know how to deal with that
00:18:55this is a total pattern for me i everything up that's good for me
00:19:00you know it's just like i cannot and will not promise him never to go back
00:19:05because there's a promise i've broken so many times to my closest people who i love unconditionally
00:19:15and i do love him and uh yeah i'm not gonna take him down with me
00:19:22i feel like i don't deserve a good happy healthy life because you know it's like
00:19:28the ugly duckling growing up to be
00:19:30you know some kind of princess it doesn't it doesn't make any it doesn't fit the storyline
00:19:36it's not my destiny or whatever i can finish the story but i can't pick up the pen and not
00:19:43i mean write it at all it's already been written
00:19:45um hi what do you see oh my gosh dude i miss you so much where's jimmy oh uh uh
00:19:56i just broke it off you just just like right before this yeah just right before oh wow um
00:20:02how do you feel like i may have made a mistake but like because you broke up with him or because
00:20:08yeah because he's kind of like the best thing has ever kind of happened to me but i don't think he was
00:20:13ever really you know what the attraction there's the chemistry i never saw it like
00:20:19i just never saw you guys clicking like that yeah yeah well you were right i think it's for sure i
00:20:25just don't want to be in a relationship right now so it's not just joking to anyone
00:20:33i think he cared for me but it's like he still wants to go news that's the whole thing
00:20:38i mean i seen his phone ding and it was his buddy calling him spencer so talk to spencer then yeah
00:20:47i don't even i can't even believe this is happening
00:20:53it's the thing you can't take it back it's like guess what that's how you feel
00:20:58there you go i just wasted a year of my life on some somebody
00:21:06i envisioned i mean i envisioned a lot of things
00:21:12i have a whole i had a whole life prepared
00:21:14um that's the thing i i have no clue i'm still in shock i'm like what the just happened what
00:21:29like i don't know if i'm being punked
00:21:34i just think now that i look at it it was the whole thing maybe the whole thing was just a scam
00:21:42maybe that was his plan all along i don't know
00:21:49what are we gonna get together like for real for real i do want to spend more time with you
00:21:54i know i know maybe tomorrow okay i'll holla at you all right yeah let me know
00:22:00no no i don't know who he's with what he's doing daddy gonna have to go to work soon all right
00:22:11all right i'll see you in a second i'm trying to tear down these walls that you have up around your
00:22:15heart so we can build a life together it's a life i just want better for our kids well actually she's
00:22:22toxic for sure
00:22:33we're here come on jump out oh tripping come on bro it's 236. so you want to go home and deal with
00:22:39that headache oh yes let's go it's my headache bro it's your dog i don't care if you use my cat
00:22:45all right bro i'll get you home acting like a bitch
00:22:56he gotta get there nah i got you bro i got you my bad me and adrian was gonna go to a strip club
00:23:04go go go go go go in the heat of the moment hell yeah it was a good idea go ask your holiday hell
00:23:10nah that was some dumb ass it's over even though we didn't go in i know brooklyn's still gonna have
00:23:18a bed so lose lose
00:23:29hello where are you but i'm like 26 minutes away
00:23:33like that's not making sense bro it's traffic bro i'm gonna get there
00:23:47yeah all right yeah
00:23:52brian has an ankle monitor so if brian is not here on time then guess what he has to go back to the
00:23:58halfway house i'm asking you to be on time the system is asking you to be on time and you're
00:24:03not taking either one of those serious so what are we doing here
00:24:09yo
00:24:14i don't know maybe we driving too fast i don't know
00:24:20what the take it serious this is not a game hang up arm bro
00:24:27i don't understand the nonchalantness of everything that's going on these people can take away your
00:24:36freedom in a snap of a finger
00:24:38hey you just missed the
00:24:40let your mom back at the house and then he pulling up in my garage
00:24:47what the
00:24:52why is he in my grass
00:24:55it's 301 and if they would have got to calling your phone then what
00:24:58i just said i'm at home just like i'm at home right now bro you're about to really piss me
00:25:02i don't know he ain't late he ain't late he ain't late he was late he ain't late yes he is
00:25:06it's 301 301 you're supposed to be here at three get out my grass
00:25:10come close the door out my grass no problem take my phone
00:25:14you slowed up the process you are late see you later
00:25:20and then you just sit here letting him oh we're on time we're on time and you're not saying that
00:25:24you think it's funny bro give me anything else boss bro bye
00:25:32irritating i'm irritating because i'm trying to make sure you get home on time
00:25:38so what y'all was doing i wanted to go get close came back here where'd you go after the clothes store
00:25:44well he tried to take me somewhere like where you ain't going there you didn't go where
00:25:51a little club for what like a strip club first of all that don't even make sense you went outside to
00:25:58look at the building i cannot believe that this man pulled up to the strip club with my man with him
00:26:08is he crazy and i knew y'all was up to something because don't know man need three hours at the mall
00:26:17i don't want you with him that's not gonna happen that's my guess your friend just took you to a
00:26:24strip club and then you came in this bitch lying you came in here lying well you wasn't telling the
00:26:30truth you didn't say where you was at when you asked where i was at we were on the highway coming
00:26:33home bro talking about you holding out on the truth that's what's throwing me off i'm not holding
00:26:37out on nothing how how i asked you where'd you where'd you go you said to get clothes and i came home
00:26:43and now it's i went to the strip club and i sat outside the strip club make that make sense
00:26:47whoa it was one second he ain't we ain't going that bitch i don't care how many seconds it was
00:26:52why the you leaving that out and see and that's another thing i should have went in that
00:26:56bitch you probably did and you just holding out maybe i need to ask you 10 more times and then you'll
00:27:02answer it's about trust if i'm not trusting you what are we doing
00:27:13i'm feeling pretty bummed out this morning courtney and i had a pretty big blowout yesterday
00:27:20i'm worried she might re-offend and the fact that because of the interstate compact i don't get to
00:27:26take her back with me to sacramento today's my last day and all of that's kind of making me feel pretty
00:27:33insecure my plan is to get to her street and park and then just text her i'm hoping she wants to talk
00:27:45it out hey you look nice thanks i slept horribly last night you didn't return any of my calls
00:28:06i miss you yeah well i didn't really sleep well either we both said some that we shouldn't have
00:28:14said if we really love each other and i apologize i want nothing more than to have you in my life
00:28:20courtney but we can't do that if we don't try i'm just really stressed out
00:28:27i just feel really insecure about our relationship right now but whatever dude let's just go
00:28:40i can't believe will would think that i would jeopardize my freedom by using drugs
00:28:47it makes me feel like you got any plans today
00:28:50hmm no i had a couple plans what you can maybe light some candles run a bath i mean
00:29:03i'm kind of still in the doghouse for how yesterday went this is not the type of stress that i need to
00:29:11be dealing with i haven't even been out for a whole week and like the things that i should be worrying
00:29:17about are my job or getting clothes or doing things that are like a necessity that i need you're right
00:29:27and this is my last day here courtney we shouldn't fight like this i just want us to have a good day
00:29:33enjoy each other's company i'm hoping you're willing to do the same
00:29:39i'm not trying to spend the day mad at each other either
00:29:42i want that sweatshirt when you leave it's my favorite sweater but you're my favorite human
00:29:53if i'm going to be married to somebody i want to be able to work through anything
00:29:57i'd like to give this back to you if that's okay okay
00:30:02him and i are still learning each other and learning to trust one another but i mean
00:30:12if anything now who knows you definitely need punished for last night maybe tie me up
00:30:22you are to be judged for your punishments inside he knows my expectations and my worth
00:30:33wearing your ropes out since we're building trust
00:30:36i've never done it before this might start off as like a wholly unsexual experience we're going to
00:30:44learn a little bit shibari is about giving over trust to your partner and i think that that's a
00:30:52really cool bonding tool i was never a boy scout so that's not really my thing that's crazy because
00:30:57we just tied the knot i had a moment of weakness where i didn't trust her i'm gonna try to
00:31:04to extend that trust now and in the future i was thinking if you take these ropes and come across
00:31:09you like this the distance is going to be rough this looks like some clothes i would wear i'm telling
00:31:14you you look pretty hot i feel pretty sported but i feel like we made a bond during this trip that
00:31:22i think is going to last for a lifetime
00:31:31you don't need no up you're fixing my arms up what i can't pay my bills and support another human
00:31:37i'll go get some real money right now i'm sure you're in shock i'm terrified i'm going to be alone
00:31:43the rest of my life of course i'm broken you don't have to use over this
00:31:55all right man i'm sorry i'm sorry
00:32:16i was just surprised at first caught me off war but i'm happy
00:32:36i wouldn't want to have a baby with nobody else
00:32:43we good
00:32:48i grew up in a single mother household my mom she did it all on her own
00:32:53she didn't have like my dad's help or anything i really didn't really
00:32:57meet my dad so i was like 13 and even then he wasn't really in our house he just would come up
00:33:02here like every other summer that's just crazy it is crazy later later when he was locked up always
00:33:14talked about having kids he always talks about how he wants to have a son and push his son to go to
00:33:19college so they don't get caught up in like the street life but guys talk about wanting it and then
00:33:24it happens and they're just like i don't know they switch up so i don't know i i hope that he just
00:33:29sticks with what he was saying before now that i'm pregnant we need to get our together
00:33:37yeah for sure like i think you really need to go ahead and try to get that job and get your
00:33:42license you don't need no job you talking about you pick some hours up what i said what i don't cut
00:33:50that because i already work full-time what do you mean i don't need no job if i want to if i
00:33:56want to really go get some money i'll go get some real money right now i'm not about to be no
00:34:01delivery boy that's not me but we need a job i can't pay my bills and support another human i just got
00:34:08you don't have you don't support me at all what do you support you in prison what do you give me now
00:34:13a roof over your head a car to drive a car to drive okay you don't support me but that's what i'm
00:34:21saying what are you saying you like what you talking about i bought you clothes boxes cool boxes
00:34:26and i say i need more you want exactly so what did you talk about my own money but you still
00:34:31was support i had to help you too so what are you talking about you put money on my books you got
00:34:36exactly more than the next one what are you talking about that's why you're in the position you're in
00:34:40but make it you're not making sense you acting like i don't do you're in my presence right now
00:34:49i'm so over this why are you taking it there no you took it there because at the end of the day
00:34:56you don't support me you don't do nothing for me but i still stick around and with you
00:35:02he just is so arrogant like that's why you're in my presence now like it's a privilege to be in
00:35:07my presence to have a woman that's willing to do all this for you to even give you money hurry
00:35:12get out come on i'm trying to go where are we doing it it's a privilege to have a woman like me
00:35:16i can't i can't even pay my school payment right now because i've been in jail
00:35:25i'm already pregnant and emotional i work two jobs and i go to school and you got the
00:35:30nerds telling me to pick up more today what i don't even know what he's saying just bunch of bull
00:35:34are you gonna leave me with a card so i'm gonna have to spend like more than my earth thousand
00:35:48where the you're at i'm coming from a job search love we're being a liar you're at alex's house bro
00:35:56a shadow of fate you're walking away a hundred steps i'm wasting away oh my heart
00:36:11i'm mad sad i'm all of the above
00:36:14hello hi how's that
00:36:26so what's up i just i'm in shock i don't know what to do well i'm sure i'm sure you're in shock
00:36:34michael's back in prison he was out for i think three weeks
00:36:39the only time he checked in with his parole officer was the day that i took him
00:36:46and then he only stayed at the halfway house that one night and he was gone all the stuff that he
00:36:53said is he doesn't want to leave his mom anymore and he was lonely like me and we talked about the
00:36:57loneliness and i'm like what about all that what did that not mean anything do you know if he's used
00:37:07oh yeah he used i mean he told me he used i did reach out to him one time and i asked him where he
00:37:13was at he said he was at his friend spencer's his response to me was pretty like i was bothering him
00:37:20so i was like okay i didn't have a plan b joey sweetie honey if i could take it away i would but i can't
00:37:30i just don't want you to go through all that oh god i know it's gonna be a process but
00:37:45i'm terrified i'm gonna be alone the rest of my life i don't want to be i'm terrified that
00:38:04i'm never gonna find that true love i'm terrified that no one's gonna love me the way i love them
00:38:08you don't have to use over this you don't have to oh i know i don't have to get up over because
00:38:15that was the first thing i thought i was like no way would i use give him that that's the thing i'm
00:38:20in a good headspace other than him good it's a blessing in disguise i think i didn't think it was
00:38:26going to work anyway he's a con i never trusted him and that's the other thing joey you trust people too
00:38:33easily i know i'm done i'm done crying over him i'm done being sad over good good you need to just
00:38:44best indicated thing and forget about him i've got to make some decisions and where i'm headed with
00:38:52my life without michael and i got to give up on the fairy tale but it's not going to ruin me i'm not
00:38:58going to let it because i have too much to look forward to my family loves me i have a great support
00:39:05system of friends that don't use the sad thing is is you know michael had all that that was all his
00:39:14two you know he had a seat at my table i'm at st anthony's work camp after i broke up with joey
00:39:23they started using that afternoon i did hook up a few times probably like once every other day or
00:39:30sometimes every day i don't know but probably only like 14 different people that's a guess though i don't
00:39:36know but i feel like i wasn't ready really to like give up my old ways or like i wanted a party still
00:39:44and i got in a collision like at a stop sign when the officer finally showed up i had a part i violated
00:39:52parole by moving out of my halfway house and missing appointments with my parole officer they blocked me
00:39:59for three years i'm kind of accepted this way of life already i kind of like amused to prison
00:40:05i really love joey i still love him and i still care about him i really had a lot of hopes for us
00:40:11joey i'm really sorry for the way things ended i wish you'd still talk to me because i really do love
00:40:18you i do cherish the time we had together and you are very special to me and who knows maybe something
00:40:25could happen in the future but i gotta get this out of my system
00:40:36i don't know who he's with what he's doing daddy gonna have to go to work it's going all right
00:40:41all right i'll see you in a second all right i'm coming from a job search love
00:40:45put me in a liar you're at alex's house bro i got you on a track of
00:40:57i just want to be able to trust you
00:41:06i want to last forever this time i want to have kids get married all types of stuff
00:41:13with my daughter's father i just kept trying trying trying to a dead situation
00:41:21if it comes to light that me and brian's relationship is dead i will bury it
00:41:28you want to do all that but you bitch and complaining me about three o'clock and i was
00:41:32here on time bro i bitch and complain about three o'clock because you have to be there on time i had
00:41:39to go through being out here by myself without you and since you've been here i can't see myself
00:41:46without you do you understand that so do you understand why i'm tweaking and i'm going the
00:41:52off because i'm not trying to go through that i appreciate you you feel me i understand that you
00:42:01care but you got to understand like bro my whole life i've been independent bro you know what i'm
00:42:07saying so for you to be all up the crack of my ass loki be throwing me off because it'd be like
00:42:13i'm not doing i'm just trying to beat up the crack of your ass okay i understand you explain
00:42:18that i get that i got you thank you brooklyn i appreciate you
00:42:26thank you i just feel as long as we always stay willing to work with each other
00:42:31and adjust to certain stuff that we do or don't like we'll be fine i started my period
00:42:37of course this is discouraging we've obviously been trying and it has not happened so i don't
00:42:46know bro i'm just tired of getting my hopes up it's gonna happen but you believe it's gonna happen
00:42:52it's gonna happen i believe it's gonna happen you can try a million times like i ain't going
00:42:57nowhere i'm happy where i'm at yeah you happy where you at but i know you want kids like i feel
00:43:02like i'm i'm gonna let you down and that's scary in itself what if you know you get to a point where
00:43:09you like i want to go have a baby with somebody who can have a baby what if i can have a baby
00:43:17then we ain't gonna have no more kids we get there when we get there it's not nothing i wouldn't do
00:43:25for you or show you mm-hmm yeah yeah that's okay
00:43:44i don't like you
00:43:47i don't like
00:43:55good job you know what to do next uh that we have to mix it
00:44:09bestie loves my mom a lot and also me he takes care of both of us our dogs and
00:44:18himself too well we need to get the waffles a bowl no and that no a toaster oh silly bestie
00:44:33and mommy i think they're just a good girlfriend and boyfriend because they kiss a lot and all that
00:44:40stuff it's breakfast time mommy oh y'all are so sweet it might sound crazy but if anything in prison
00:44:55it made me more positive don't make me a nice little drink like a lot of people in prison they
00:45:02think it's over with or people telling me not gonna get out of there or whatever the circumstances may be
00:45:07and y'all can let myself fall victim to that oh thank you i made it to try to go spread something
00:45:16positive to somebody else and i gotta just keep her saying that's my job and my objective is keep
00:45:26brooklyn saying this is so nice i make all of it and you make all of it and what bestie helped me
00:45:34with or without a baby me and brian are gonna be good like putting us together it's like
00:45:40beyonce and jay-z power couple you feel me we got the whole family in here hi gg hi g we have so much
00:45:51stuff to do because of like the lost time that we have had you might get your own i want a crazy
00:46:01wedding and at least two kids in the house that we plan to buy together more for me it's gonna be lit
00:46:09what does he get oh look look look look look she took it
00:46:17kissing you for the first time send me weak at the knees
00:46:25i miss you harder i miss my best friend feels like i'm losing the will
00:46:33maybe i'm crazy for chasing memories we had crazy for silence when i'm feeling sad
00:46:43crazy for loving you crazy for loving you so bad
00:46:50hey baby where the you're at i'm on the highway i'm coming from a job search love
00:46:58we're being a liar you're at alex's house bro i see it on your location you've been there for 45
00:47:04minutes yeah yeah you are bro i got you on a tracker like am i a goddamn dog am i being chipped now or
00:47:12what you're literally just like the rest of them i'm gonna pull up look i'm already on my way to waco
00:47:19just meet me somewhere in waco or something bro i send you my location
00:47:27tracking me to alex's house is bull
00:47:31i'm on a ankle monitor you know i crave freedom
00:47:38i love brooke but i really don't know where we going i don't know if it's forward if it's backward
00:47:43i'm trying to figure it out
00:47:57i don't know what you wanted so i just order nothing
00:48:17baby the only reason i went over there was to close that chapter of my life
00:48:21to let her know that i have a lot of chapters not closed
00:48:28i need her to know that i'm with you and that whatever i had her was dead
00:48:32i let her know that she had her chance when she called that up
00:48:42then you had to go to her house to do to her house
00:48:45and she it up and then i'm with you and i need her to respect her house to do it
00:48:49and i need her to respect that then i'm with you yeah and i need you to respect my wishes too
00:48:53i know which did not happen
00:48:59what did you really have going on over there
00:49:04i went in i said my piece i got it out the way
00:49:11and i came back out
00:49:16like i need you to know i love you and i choose you
00:49:18and i'm trying to prove it to you baby now we'll go to see your next is not the way to do it
00:49:26so in case you wondering he wants me to sit here and trust him but he turns around and he's
00:49:35knowingly breaking my trust and wants to sit here and act like it's not a deal like
00:49:40he was not even to be in contact with alex for any reason
00:49:48i'm over it
00:49:59baby not happening
00:50:05i'm sitting there trying to close these chapters of my life to tear down these barriers that you keep
00:50:09putting up with our relationship i'm trying to tear down these walls that you have up around your
00:50:13heart so we can move on so we can better our relationship so we can build a life together
00:50:18that's what i'm trying to do too late late what do you mean late
00:50:28jk absolutely has broken any little bit of trust that i had in this man that completely out the window
00:50:40let's go home baby okay
00:50:45i feel betrayed because we had an agreement that none of these things were supposed to happen
00:50:52and it just like it really really me up because it's like he don't care
00:51:01i am scared for what the future holds
00:51:03it's my baby i need you to know that i love you and i need to know that i'm gonna do whatever i need
00:51:10to do to earn their trust
00:51:11i gotta go get the boys okay tell brodie we're going fishing
00:51:22okay i promise okay not we might we are we'll see okay
00:51:28after today even with jk trying to sit here and reassure me that there was nothing for me to freak
00:51:38out on and that i should trust him like it's just the fact like i feel disrespected that he would even
00:51:44have the nerve to do that at this point i don't know what i don't know what to do like i got absolutely no idea
00:51:51well we got to figure things out because we have a baby on the way tired of just talking to me about for real
00:52:01she toxic for sure
00:52:15so demaric was over here last night about to put up the rest of his clothes kiana put him out because
00:52:21she found out some text messages and stuff but i knew he was going to come back because he could not
00:52:27resist this and i just wanted my family back so i got what i wanted
00:52:44you want to go get on the trampoline no you're going to stay with me did you just try to hit me
00:52:50me you're going to stay with me you're still saying the wrong answer dude you ever stay with me yes
00:52:58sorry come here let me show you something there see this
00:53:00ah ah come on the claw behind you the claw got you kiana kicked me out because she found some
00:53:08messages between me and joella oh right now i stay with my baby moms when i have to watch the kids
00:53:14and she has to go to work oh what you gonna do front flip go dj go dj daddy gonna have to go to
00:53:22work schooling all right yeah come on yeah sometimes it does feel like when i'm with joella and the kids
00:53:30we're a family i can see my kids and not have to sneak around but uh i am single at this moment my title
00:53:38is single oh i love you give me a hug my boy love you all right mama i'll see y'all later bye-bye bye-bye i love you
00:53:54as far as the moderate coming out and trying to be in a relationship what i will say as an older
00:53:59man is you have to make the most honest decision for yourself the one that you can live with because
00:54:03you're sitting over here 10 years now it's like damn i should have been over there then that's the
00:54:07decision you made staying single is always an option though you know hello what you doing
00:54:16getting ready yeah i'm about to be on my way over there all right just let me know when you get here
00:54:22all right i'll see you in a second all right all right my relationship with joella has been all right
00:54:28but it's definitely not the vibe me and kiana have definitely not that vibe i love kiana and when
00:54:34you're in love with somebody it's damn near like you can't go without that person i mean you can love
00:54:39other people from the distance when you're in love with somebody there's no distance that can keep
00:54:43you from that person right now me and demodric are single but i mean he i still talk to him every day
00:55:03i see him from time to time of course we still fool around it's definitely hard
00:55:08to just cut him off but i'm trying honestly i don't know who he's with what he's doing
00:55:18i guess we talk every day but i try not to like overplay my part
00:55:24when you see your life with someone like the rest of your life with someone it's hard to just turn that off
00:55:30i don't know what it is i guess we just can't leave each other alone
00:55:48just gonna see where it goes from here
00:56:00what are you doing i'm about to leave
00:56:22are you coming back
00:56:29you leave i'm leaving
00:56:35you don't have nothing to say
00:56:38tired of just talking to you real
00:56:41we got to figure things out because we have a baby on the way
00:56:45we good
00:56:48you're not even looking at me
00:56:52i feel like you're just taking my energy wrong you feel like i'm coming at you and really i just
00:56:57want better for our kid than than what we had that's all i'm not telling you to stop your dreams i
00:57:03want you to do everything you want to do in life i just want to make sure that our kid is good and that
00:57:10they have what we didn't have are you ready to be a father i mean
00:57:18right now i'm i mean i'm i'm gonna be ready for whatever i'm gonna deal with it but i'm young and
00:57:25i got a lot to focus on right now so
00:57:29you know it is it'll be whatever though
00:57:34we didn't come from two-parent households we wanted a two-parent household for our kid
00:57:39we wanted a healthy household for our kid a stable life for our kid that's all i'm saying i just
00:57:44want better for our kid than what we had you make it impossible to do that how how you be acting but
00:57:53it's not just how i'd be acting but a lot more often than not it is a lot of people be toxic
00:58:01and alexis she toxic for sure my car about to pull up like sometimes i be feeling like she like
00:58:13arguing she like arguing and getting into it and seeing how i react because if i argue with her
00:58:21maybe that's how she feel like somebody loving her or something you know what i'm saying but you
00:58:26ain't gotta do that with me like you don't gotta do that
00:58:43i don't feel like i just need to get away and go do me for a minute
00:58:50we probably really just go have to break them i do believe that i deserve a healthy relationship
00:58:59and if he wants to go just let him go like no more chasing him i'm gonna love myself and prepare
00:59:06to love this baby if you really do just take advantage of the fact that i'm really nice and i'm
00:59:13really forgiving and i probably do just need to look love myself more
00:59:36yeah am i dropping you off at home um no i'm coming with you and catch a car back that's awesome
00:59:43so bummed out that i don't get to take you back with me me too
00:59:53i'm pretty sad that i'm going home now i can't believe that the week is already over
00:59:58i'm gonna miss courtney so much
01:00:02i'm gonna miss you so much same yeah this sucks i'm gonna miss you too much
01:00:07i'm having to leave you almost a thousand miles away as yeah i'm hoping by the following month we'll be
01:00:18moving you out to me me too try not to buy more than like two suitcases
01:00:24i can't have like that many belongings anyways uh at the house perfect
01:00:35um speaking of buying things are you gonna leave me with a card what is your plan
01:00:43what is your plan yeah i have a credit card i can leave me with it
01:00:50try not to spend like more than a thousand dollars on my phone
01:00:57i love you me too i'm so happy you're able to come and see me
01:01:03yeah sucks just like the worst part i don't want to go are you going to be able to trust me from a
01:01:13thousand miles away yeah i think um i think you were right and i need to get out of my head
01:01:21we're going to be able to facetime and talk all the time i know i'm definitely going to be able to trust
01:01:27you there just ain't no coming back from this those shibari ropes were cool yeah that was tight
01:01:36i had a fun time with you
01:01:41when i was in prison me and my sugar daddies we would have like video visits and we would talk on
01:01:47the phone um i had one come visit me in person and that was cool but will and i had such a deep
01:01:56connection i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him i'm gonna dump out my suitcase and
01:02:01put you inside i wonder what would happen they go through the scanner and then charge me with human
01:02:07trafficking like i've always been worried about whether or not i would find my soulmate and i have
01:02:17i just i'm not ready to say goodbye yet
01:02:19all right beautiful i'm not gonna make you wait here with me the whole time i want to yeah but i
01:02:27gotta go through security and stuff i love you though i love you we're gonna talk all the time all the
01:02:37time all right are you gonna call me when you get home right yeah of course i'll facetime you first
01:02:43thing i'm gonna miss you i love you too i hope that there are many pros to courtney living in this
01:02:58halfway house i hope that i'm just heavily overthinking this whole thing but she's been acting
01:03:03pretty weird these last couple of days hey siri call for a ride share the limited amount of freedom
01:03:09she has and and our inability to see each other as much as we want is making this pretty hard
01:03:15but i think we can make it through
01:03:39we are now going to start buying a dog walk to help you with fertility
01:03:58oh you'll take me to your home where i come from
01:04:20the gardens of true love like i've been born again
01:04:26you hold me so i know that i belong i don't need to write a moment you have one
01:04:39i don't need to write a moment you have one word from you and i know that i will
01:05:01you
01:05:02i love you
01:05:05you
01:05:06love you
01:05:16love you
01:05:18love you
01:05:22love you
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