- 2 days ago
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00:01PUSSY!
00:05Why do I always have to be the alien queen?
00:07Shut up, Robin, you girl!
00:09Sir, Robin's being a pussy!
00:12He's giving birth to a lizard, Dennis. It's going to sting a bit, isn't it?
00:15They've got those head spikes.
00:17Is this going to help me get a job when I leave school?
00:19No, probably not, but here's a thought.
00:21Being likeable might give you the edge.
00:23Shut up, Karen! Drama is wicked!
00:25Beards?
00:26Not be it, Darren. Drama is wicked.
00:28Ginny reckon?
00:29You don't chinny reckon me. He can beard me, that's his thing.
00:32Don't even think about doing GCSE drama.
00:34Why would I take this bullshit when I'm in the top stream for everything else?
00:38Oh, itchy chin you are, cos you've got a pushy mum.
00:41Who thinks you're a knob?
00:42I can see the head! I can see the head!
00:44Push it! Come on!
00:46You push it!
00:49Mr Davis, can I see you a minute?
00:51Well, can it wait? As you can see, Miss Lipsy, I have a class, so...
00:56No, I'm kidding, of course.
00:58Carry on with the module, everyone.
01:00And if the baby is born, don't trust Karen with it.
01:03I hate you.
01:05If you've called me out here to arrange sex, we're going to have to go to your station right now.
01:10I've lost the keys to mine.
01:12Dennis's uncle has had a heart attack.
01:13Oh, God, when?
01:14Last night.
01:15It's a worry, because he's very close to him.
01:16I know.
01:17I hear I worshipped him.
01:18I hear I worshipped him.
01:19He told me he threw a labrador on top of his shed once.
01:22He didn't say why.
01:23Has he been acting strangely?
01:24Push it out!
01:25He's a bitch!
01:26No, not at all.
01:27No, not at all.
01:28This is the problem.
01:29His uncle is in hospital.
01:30And we've just found out that he's going to have to go to your station right now.
01:31I'm going to have to go to your station right now.
01:32If you've called me out here to arrange sex, we're going to have to go to your station
01:35recovery.
01:36I've lost the keys to mine.
01:37Dennis's uncle has had a heart attack.
01:39Oh, God, when?
01:40Last night.
01:41It's a worry, because he's very close to him.
01:43I know.
01:44He hero-worships him.
01:45He told me he threw a labrador on top of his shed once.
01:48He didn't say why.
01:49Has he been acting strangely?
01:51Push it out!
01:53He's a bitch!
01:54No, not at all.
01:55This is the problem.
01:56His uncle is in hospital, and we've just found out that his mum has broken her parole.
02:01Again?
02:02Yeah.
02:03So there's no-one to pick him up.
02:04He's going to have to spend the weekend with social services.
02:06Oh, God.
02:07I mean, they're just not allowed a childhood, some of these kids.
02:14Are you sure this is a good idea?
02:16It's all under control.
02:18A lot of people think I'd make an amazing dad.
02:21And there's a reason for that.
02:23I empathise.
02:24Sir!
02:25Your car's shit!
02:26Yeah?
02:27At least I've got a car, haven't I, mate?
02:28What have you got?
02:29A kite!
02:30But, Dan, what are you going to do with him?
02:32Social services are insistent on this two adult rule.
02:35Emma, it's sorted.
02:36I had an idyllic childhood.
02:39I'm not going to allow a broken society to steal Dennis's off him.
02:43Maybe Alistair from maths will be too busy nibbling away on his tofu
02:47to give an orphan a lovely weekend.
02:49Hey.
02:50Yeah.
02:51My second responsible adult.
02:53What's going on?
02:55I've got stuff to do.
02:57This outfit isn't designed for running.
02:59I've just made a load of builders.
03:00Boo!
03:02Alright.
03:07No!
03:08I'm busy.
03:09Use your mum or Aunt Nesta.
03:10Oh, that's a good idea, isn't it?
03:12What shall we do tonight, Dennis?
03:14Shall we watch an old lady drink her body weight in tea?
03:16Or a different old lady punch a horse in the kepper?
03:18Sorry, mate.
03:19The new company's really kicking off.
03:21Execu-stress.
03:22Less stress.
03:23More success.
03:24In business.
03:25My card.
03:27I have tried to tell you that's not a saying.
03:29You actually have to have a card.
03:31Sir, can you just take me home and go out with your girlfriend?
03:34I'm fine.
03:35She's not my girlfriend, mate.
03:36No.
03:37Although, when he's drunk, he does say he'd like a go on my bangers.
03:40Bangers means roller skates, Dennis.
03:42I thought I'm in tits.
03:44And I wasn't drunk anyway.
03:45I'd sell a tetanus.
03:50Sir, it's weird staying at your teachers.
03:52Can I just go home?
03:54You must be Dennis.
03:56Ignore her, Dennis.
03:57Literally blank her.
03:58Come on in.
03:59I've made some squash.
04:01What's squash?
04:02It's an insipid drink favoured by the elderly, Dennis.
04:05It's like water that's been shown a picture of a lemon.
04:07Take no notice of him, Dennis.
04:09Daniel loves squash.
04:11I bring him one every night before his bath.
04:14I pour it down the sink.
04:18How old are you, sir?
04:27That's it.
04:28It's important to really get him on edge.
04:30Dennis, get away from her.
04:32She's not like us.
04:33Nesta has taken me in a hunt, sir.
04:35Right.
04:36Our day out is not going to involve going on some leatherface maniac wildlife genocide.
04:40We're not hunting a real one anyway, sir.
04:43Sadly, it's not allowed these days because Tony Blair wants to have sex with them.
04:47So, Barry is our quarry.
04:50All right.
04:51And you're okay with this, are you, mate?
04:52Of course not.
04:53Dennis, get your bike.
04:54We're going on an adventure.
04:55And where exactly are you taking him on this incredible journey?
04:58We're going down the cafe.
05:00Or would you rather stay here and ride Barry to ground?
05:04Wicked.
05:05Let's get him doused.
05:07I'm a person.
05:08Um, what is...
05:09What?
05:12Is this fox piss?
05:14Give that back to the boy.
05:16Our rites of passage day will be innocent and heartwarming and impress the woman I want to have sex with.
05:21Let the boy find his inner beast.
05:24Fuck off.
05:25We've got plans.
05:26It's going to be like stand by me.
05:28Go!
05:35Dennis, where are you going?
05:37How?
05:38What?
05:39I hear you need a second adult.
05:41And your mother is helping to knit a massive scarf for cancer today, so...
05:46You monster.
05:51Uh, mate?
05:52Do you deliver post?
05:53Of course.
05:54Why do you think I'm dressed like this?
05:55Let me finish.
05:56To St Martin's Drive.
05:58Yeah.
05:59Get your bike, Dennis.
06:01I'll go and change.
06:02The road trip is back on.
06:04Oh.
06:11This is what it's all about, Dennis.
06:13Days of yore.
06:14Just two kids on classic bikes.
06:17Hey!
06:18Oggie, oggie, oggie!
06:20Get fucked, you pedo!
06:24What bike is it, sir?
06:26It's the legendary Ronnie Grifter, Dennis.
06:28Oh, shit!
06:29What is wrong with you kids?
06:35Remember to keep breathing.
06:37Sweet.
06:38Really nice, Peter.
06:40Remember the execu-stress mantra.
06:43Stress.
06:44Do one.
06:46Seriously.
06:47Fuck off.
06:48Are you actually qualified in Tai Chi?
06:50I'm not making it up, am I?
06:52Anyway, we're moving on to the next phase now.
06:54Controlled crying.
06:55So, get out the bags I gave you earlier.
06:58When stress builds up, it can affect people in a really bad way.
07:01An uncle of mine once shat in a pram.
07:04So...
07:05I'm really sorry, but I was wondering if I could go back to the office.
07:08I thought this would help, but I don't think it is.
07:11Peter, focus.
07:13You are holding a scientific crying mixture.
07:17Nose is in.
07:18And breathe.
07:19Oh, fuck!
07:40OK, I've got to overcook the turps again.
07:43Bye.
07:46Bye.
08:01Hi.
08:02Put that away, mate.
08:03The real adventure is about to start.
08:13Hello.
08:15Me and Dennis, we're going down the cafe and that. You up for it?
08:18No, of course not.
08:20Hello, Dennis.
08:22Nice shorts.
08:24Come on, mate. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be like the old days.
08:28Plus, I want to show him what an incredible dad I am,
08:30and I need another adult with me.
08:32Have you lost your mind?
08:34And I'm painting.
08:36Yeah. Bloody square.
08:38Shh, keep it down, for Christ's sake. Julia's asleep in the lounge.
08:41Sorry, Dennis. Brian's been grounded.
08:43No, I haven't.
08:44He's not allowed out.
08:46Probably just as well. He's got a shit bike.
08:48He wouldn't have kept up with us anyway.
08:50What did you say?
09:06Sir's right. You really are boring.
09:08Dungeons and Dragons is not boring.
09:11A lot more rewarding than this neon nonsense.
09:15I mean, it's...
09:17Sniper! Sniper on the roof!
09:19God! That must have been his jugular.
09:23Here we go!
09:29Milk!
09:31A whole lot of bottle.
09:33Nothing like it, was the Brian?
09:34Glass of the white stuff.
09:35Gear us up for an adventure.
09:37I feel like a kid again.
09:38Oh, look what I bought, Dennis.
09:41Guess who's back in town, Brian?
09:43Oh, God.
09:44Bubblegum?
09:45Tell him what they used to call me.
09:47They used to call you Dan.
09:49I presume you're referring to the name you gave yourself.
09:51Which was?
09:52Daddy Big Bubbles.
09:54T to the B!
09:55Remember that one I blew at school?
09:57Yes, because I had to cut it out of Joe's hair.
10:00It was fucking massive, Dennis.
10:01Why do you remember it?
10:03I remember all of my awesomeness from school.
10:05Honestly.
10:06You want to be careful, mate.
10:08We might have a game of table of squash later.
10:10What's table of squash?
10:12I used to push this idiot into tables of drinks in the canteen.
10:15He went down like a pasty bambi.
10:19Ah!
10:20See?
10:21The old people aren't so boring now, are they?
10:24Did you used to have a laugh at school, Shakira?
10:26I'm not your fucking friend.
10:33Nightmare.
10:34Everyone's dropped off the course.
10:36No way.
10:37Yeah.
10:38Peter almost got hit by a car running away.
10:40Making good progress as well.
10:41I thought they were ready for level three.
10:45Remember this?
10:46Oh, my God!
10:48The furry periscope!
10:50The furry periscope!
10:57Brian?
10:58Are you in or out?
10:59I'm out.
11:00This was bloody irresponsible when we were at school.
11:02I'll look after Dennis' game.
11:04I need to say some battery!
11:07Well?
11:08OK, guys.
11:09Inside this building are filing clerks.
11:14They are extremely angry with how rubbish their lives are.
11:17We're here to push them over the edge.
11:19There are two ways they can get to us when they crack.
11:21Via the corridor and the east rear doors.
11:23Which, if memory serves me right, Brian, that's a...
11:2535-second run.
11:26One round, then we take a quick rest for a couple of levels on Dennis' game, right?
11:29No!
11:30Selfer, 35 seconds sounds like a lot of time.
11:33It isn't.
11:34Now, remember, if a soldier is de-parkered, he never identifies the others.
11:40It's our fight club.
11:41It isn't.
11:42Break!
11:43This is insane.
11:44OK, everyone.
11:45Let's do this.
11:46One.
11:47Actually, I think I'm out.
11:48Take short, sharp rest, Brian.
11:49Own the tension.
11:50Two.
11:51Three.
11:52Go!
11:53Ah!
11:54Hold.
11:55Hold.
11:56Hold.
11:57Hold.
11:58Hold.
12:00Hold.
12:02Hold.
12:04Hold.
12:06Hold.
12:08Hold.
12:09Hold.
12:11Hold.
12:13Hold.
12:14Hold.
12:16What the hell are you doing?
12:20Hold.
12:21Hold.
12:22Get away from here.
12:23Break!
12:24Whoo!
12:25Hold break!
12:26Ridiculous!
12:27I told you it would be a rush!
12:29You buzzing, Dennis?
12:30What's the point of this, sir?
12:32Repo!
12:37One,
12:38two,
12:39three,
12:40go!
12:43Oh, my God, Peter! Peter?
12:47Peter!
12:49No!
12:51Why have we stopped? I've just told Julia I'm heading home.
12:55Look! Remember this? Box Hill?
12:59Of course I remember. It was humiliating.
13:02You almost made it, though, didn't you, Dan?
13:04Very nearly.
13:05What is it?
13:06Dan was being chased by Geoff Dugan
13:08and decided the best course of action would be to ride down the sheer face of this hill.
13:12I almost made it. It was incredible, Dennis.
13:15You reminded me of that guy dressed all in white. What was his name?
13:18Evel Knievel.
13:19No, Ryan Tilly. Works at the Dairy.
13:22Excuse me, you didn't almost make it.
13:25You got about 20 feet and then you came off and crushed your testicles on the crossbar of your chopper.
13:29And who had to spend five hours with you and A&E? Muggins.
13:32Well, the world would be a pretty dull place if we were all like you, wouldn't it, mate?
13:35Yeah. The world needs adventurers.
13:37A pushbike isn't designed for extreme hill descent.
13:40We've each spent a little more time listening in physics lessons
13:43and a little less time drawing pictures of Yogi Bear fellating himself,
13:46you might have known that.
13:47What's that?
13:49At last, some innocence.
13:51You'll find out about all that in good time, you cheeky young scum.
13:54And all of that is for fuck's sake. What the hell's Yogi Bear?
13:58See what I mean? It's a ruined generation.
14:01It's a bored one.
14:06We could go to P. Ed Stanley's house and throw stones at the window.
14:09Old man Stanley was 80, 30 years ago.
14:12Brian, we are having a great day out.
14:15All right, we could, erm...
14:17Could, erm...
14:18Knock that ginger?
14:19Yes!
14:20No!
14:21Brian, it's the ultimate test of nerve.
14:23It's a lot of stress in the group. We need to manage this.
14:26I'm a 40-year-old financial advisor. I'm not playing knock down ginger.
14:30Get that away from me.
14:31What are we doing now?
14:32I'm gonna go down here, knock on this door,
14:34and we're all gonna run away.
14:36I'm not being funny, but you three must have been the biggest losers
14:39at your school.
14:40Oh, yeah?
14:41We'll see about that.
14:43No.
14:44No!
14:45Get ready.
14:52Hello.
14:53Come on in.
14:54Oh!
14:55Oh, no, we were just...
14:56Come on!
14:57Tommy's Mrs is about to say a few words.
14:59But...
15:00Come on!
15:05Bring them on, bring them on, bring them on!
15:10Bring them all on down to the land!
15:15Oh, my God.
15:19Oh, my God.
15:20Remember, today is all about family.
15:22Tommy loved you all like you was brothers and sisters.
15:26You remember his words?
15:28We all look after each other.
15:30If anyone disrespects our family,
15:33we cut their fucking fizzies off!
15:36Yes!
15:39She seems well upset.
15:43Almost stressed.
15:45No.
15:46Looks like executive stress's work isn't finished yet, boys.
15:49Stay here, you clown.
15:50The psychopaths!
15:55Friends of Tommy's?
15:57Yeah, yeah.
15:59Yeah, yeah, big time.
16:01Yeah?
16:02How did you know him?
16:03From, er...
16:04Down the old, er...
16:05Down the old matches down the lane.
16:08I fucking love the lane, you know.
16:10Anyway, who are you, son?
16:11I'm his brother.
16:12I don't remember him going down the lane with a lanky streak of piss.
16:16Well, he sat next to me, sir.
16:18Yeah?
16:19Even in the 90s?
16:20Especially in the 90s.
16:21Glory days.
16:22When Tommy was in prison?
16:23Now, then we don't want any trouble.
16:25Who the fuck are you?
16:26Hey, you!
16:27Hey...
16:28Surely you...
16:29You recognise Tommy's cellmate?
16:31What?
16:32Tommy didn't do bird with a posh prick!
16:35Hey, have a bit of respect.
16:37What were you in for?
16:39Well, fucking tell him.
16:45TV licence?
16:47Well, here.
16:48The adverts are right.
16:51They really will get you.
16:53OK, that's it.
16:54Boys!
16:55Unwanted guests!
16:57Here.
16:58You're Donny, ain't ya?
17:00Maybe I am, yeah.
17:02Was that good?
17:03Donny?
17:04Big mate of Tommy's?
17:06It's Donny!
17:07It's Donny!
17:08It's Donny!
17:09Yeah!
17:10I fucking told you, you muppet!
17:12Yeah!
17:13I have a good mind to make you smile forever, you cunt!
17:22Sir, what's going on?
17:23I'm bored shitless.
17:24Why is he calling you sir?
17:26Well, cos he knows he'll get a clump if he doesn't.
17:29He's got a bit of respect since I threw his labrador on top of his shed.
17:32But you know Donny!
17:34Do the thing, then, Donny!
17:36What thing?
17:37Oh!
17:38Donny, you did the party thing!
17:41Do the thing!
17:42I don't think he should do the thing.
17:43Shut the fuck up, Shulkes!
17:44I can't do the thing at his funeral!
17:46Do it!
17:47Do it!
17:48Do the thing!
17:49Do the thing!
17:53Do the thing!
17:55I've gotta do it.
18:00I'm going to do the thing, I'm going to do the thing, do the thing!
18:30Oh! He's brought fucking curry powder on marshmallows!
18:39It's science.
18:41Who the fuck are you people?
18:44Guys, listen.
18:47Take me the squash!
18:50Where are you? Fucking curry!
18:53Fucking curry!
18:56Let's have it!
19:03OK, that's it.
19:10Oh, come on, it was fun.
19:12It wasn't fun, it was bloody dangerous.
19:14I think I've bruised my ribs.
19:16Dennis, pass me the game.
19:17No, get your own game!
19:19Guys, we've had a difficult time, I think we should do some stretches.
19:22Joe, we are not on your bloody course!
19:24We're having a fun day out.
19:26OK, Dennis, we're going to go up the vicarage and nick some apples.
19:29Why?
19:30Because it's fun!
19:31We're having a fun day!
19:33Brian, have you still got that magnifying glass you used to have?
19:36We could burn some holes in leaves.
19:37I'm going home.
19:38You're not going in.
19:39I'm already in trouble.
19:40I'm going in.
19:41Brian!
19:42Just because he won't let you play on his game!
19:44You go in, you're not hanging out with us anymore!
19:46I mean it!
19:47Fine, I don't want to hang out with you anyway!
19:49Peter!
19:50Oh no!
19:51What have you done to yourself?
19:52Please!
19:53Wait, I can help!
19:54Joe, no!
19:55The two-adult rule!
19:56The two-adult rule!
19:57The two-adult rule?
19:58Joe, no!
19:59The two-adult rule!
20:00The two-adult rule!
20:01The two-adult rule!
20:09Pretty rubbish day, eh?
20:11Nah.
20:12It was okay, sir.
20:15I don't suppose you'd tell Miss Lipsey it was the best day of your whole childhood, would
20:19you?
20:20I suppose.
20:22Just a thought.
20:23Maybe you could...
20:24Like, if it doesn't seem too over the top, you could tell her I'm like the dad you never
20:29had.
20:30Um...
20:31Um, it's up to you.
20:32Sir...
20:34Just...
20:35Try calling me dad.
20:37Sir!
20:38You disrespected my fella's funeral, you bubble-blowing prick!
20:42Dead mate!
20:44Right, Dennis!
20:46Right!
20:47Right!
20:48Come on, boys!
20:49I'm sorry, Dennis.
20:50I did my best by you.
20:51They won't hurt you.
20:52I'll face them.
20:53It's doable.
20:54What?
20:55We can get down on this.
20:56Even on these shit-boys.
20:57No!
20:58Dennis!
20:59Dennis!
21:00Yeah!
21:01Yeah!
21:02Yeah!
21:03Yeah!
21:04Yeah!
21:05Yeah!
21:06Yeah!
21:07Yeah!
21:08Yeah!
21:09Yeah!
21:10Yeah!
21:11Yeah!
21:12Yeah!
21:13Yeah!
21:14Yeah!
21:15Yeah!
21:16Yeah!
21:17Yeah!
21:18That all the times.
21:19That I've cried.
21:21Keeping all the things I knew inside.
21:25It's hard.
21:26But it's harder to ignore it.
21:30Yeah!
21:33Take a break for a break!
21:35، please leave me alone!
21:37Peter!
21:39Liam, it's bad Peter!
21:42Just leave me alone!
21:44I know I have to go away.
21:47Peter!
21:48Ah!
21:53Wester!
21:55Leave him alone, he ain't worth it.
22:00Peter!
22:01Please just leave me alone!
22:02All right.
22:03Stay away from me!
22:04Good.
22:05OK.
22:06That was my mum, sir.
22:14My uncle's fine.
22:16Yeah?
22:17Yeah.
22:18Oh, good.
22:19I think I might go home.
22:22Yeah.
22:23You can run, daddy, but you can't hide!
22:38Stop your messing around.
22:40Better think of your future.
22:45Time is straight and right out.
22:50Creating problems in town.
22:53Ah, ah, all mood imm tes.
22:57A message a you talk.
22:58Roodin.
22:59Roodin.
23:00A message to you, Rooodin.
23:02Ooh, ooh, ooh.
23:04Arrangeance, trash and mess',
23:05Egalian'svene's Bernard Listener.
23:09Ah.
23:10Ok.
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