Celebrity Gogglebox Season 7 Episode 2

Prime US TV

Celebrity Gogglebox Season 7 Episode 2  #PrimeUSTV   🎞 Please join  https://t.me/CinemaSeriesUSFilm

Transcript

00:00What have we got behind us here, Luke?

00:01What have we got?

00:02What haven't we got, probably?

00:04So, what are these for...?

00:06Premier League nightly wins.

00:07Is that from this year?

00:09Probably this year or last year.

00:10Yeah. How many did you get? Five this year?

00:12Four, yeah. Five.

00:14And you get a nice bonus as well, don't you, for winning the night?

00:16We can all do the maths, Luke, what's that?

00:18Whoa, five times, whoa, you're doing all right.

00:21Nice, some nice family photos.

00:23But you can do all this.

00:25You can't pass your driving theory.

00:30Oh, what?

00:32I'm so happy for you.

00:33Whoo!

00:34I feel bad even saying it, but you're half-look at it.

00:36Oh, no!

00:39I don't want to go to space.

00:40She's a United fan.

00:41Oh, I've gone right off.

00:43There you go.

00:43Oh!

00:44Stop it.

00:45Not a great time to have pizza, is it?

00:47Oh, yeah.

00:48There you go.

00:49This is what we've tuned in for.

00:50Oh, no.

00:51Ooh, tricky air.

00:53Ooh.

00:54Chill, chill, relax and chill.

00:55Fish, Bobby!

00:56Wee-hee!

00:57It's literally the greatest moment of my life.

01:01In the week we bid a fond farewell to Beach Boys legend Brian Wilson,

01:06we enjoyed lots of great telly.

01:09There was more happenings at the hospital on BBC One.

01:14All I'm saying is, what is the point of having a wedding

01:16if you can't cop off one of the groomsmen?

01:18What?

01:19Here you go.

01:20Have an OK, Reader?

01:21Yeah.

01:22What do you think is in that bag?

01:23Croissant?

01:24Is it croissant?

01:25I reckon it's an almond croissant.

01:26A what?

01:27Almond croissant.

01:28But why did you go for almond?

01:30I said that very frequently.

01:31When you order an almond croissant, what do you say?

01:34Almond.

01:35What?

01:36Like all normal people.

01:37What do you mean, all normal people?

01:40Almond.

01:41Almond.

01:42Almond.

01:43No, shut up.

01:45It's an almond.

01:46No.

01:47I'm rubbing off on you.

01:50You're making me northern.

01:52And you're from the Midlands.

01:54Clarkson's Countryside Capers continued on Prime Video.

01:58We had now reached the middle of July.

02:01And under a canopy of blue skies,

02:05the crops appeared to be coming along nicely.

02:08I grew up on a farm.

02:09Is it, what animals did you have?

02:11We had cows, sheep.

02:14We had otters.

02:17That classic farmyard animal.

02:19I love that bit of old MacDonald had a farm.

02:23And pets were in safe hands with the Yorkshire vet on Channel 5.

02:28Good lass.

02:29It's all right.

02:31You don't need to worry.

02:33We'll look after you.

02:35My mother once had a golden retriever that used to eat dishcloths.

02:38They used to get all the way through.

02:41Oh my gosh.

02:43And out the other end.

02:44Completely undigested.

02:45And not always come out.

02:46So she would have to stand on one end of the dishcloth and throw a ball at the rest of the dishcloth.

02:53In Essex.

02:54They're lovely crisps then.

02:55Mmm, I like them.

02:56Kettle chips.

02:57Those are the kettle ones.

02:58They're nice.

02:59They cook them in a kettle.

03:00Rylan and his mum Linda.

03:01So you know like your kettle?

03:02Yeah.

03:03For example, you could slice up potato.

03:04Right, this ain't a winder.

03:05I'm telling you now, Mum.

03:06You slice, that's why they're called kettle chips.

03:07Oh, I'm going to try then.

03:08You slice up potato, put it in.

03:09Yeah.

03:10And the salt cut.

03:11You're winding me up, ain't you?

03:12Oh, is that your bear's arm?

03:13Sorry.

03:14Do you know what?

03:15No, it's only when you said I'm going to try it, I thought you'd better f*** not.

03:17Burn the earth now.

03:18On Saturday night, it was time to find out how clever some famous faces were on ITV.

03:42faces were on ITV. I'm actually getting a little bit hot now thinking about the fact we're gonna

03:47have to try and answer this question and I think you're gonna get it and I'm not because the 1%

03:51club is not my comfort zone. How would you say your general knowledge is? Not good. No, I'll be

03:57honest that was the answer as I expected. And you got the right answer. You just have no general

04:02knowledge because you don't watch the news. I do watch the news. Do you? Yeah. I always swipe to

04:08the like little side lights. I don't mean the news on your phone. I mean on the TV. Yeah, I watch you. Do you?

04:13When mum puts it on. Tonight our contestants are all professional footballers and celebrities who

04:19support Soccer Aid. Why haven't they asked me to play in Soccer Aid? Oh, I hate it when they do celebrity

04:25versions of stuff. It's never as good as just the normal ones. I normally do quite all right on this.

04:37You're good at any quiz. You are. It's time for our first question.

04:42Right, get ready. Lock in. Lock in. 90%. This is always easy. This is like, what day is it?

04:48Which of the following three pieces doesn't correctly match the image? Oh, I like Jill Scott. I do.

04:58Easily. The ear. Earring B. Yeah. Earring B. Wait, the eye? No, it's not the eye. No,

05:03it doesn't match. Doesn't match. No, I think there's an extra wrinkle there and there shouldn't be.

05:10But then it, no, because of a mouth. Oh my God. I think her eye is okay. The mouth isn't.

05:15I think it's the eyebrow. No, it's B. It's A. It's B.

05:19Nobody should get this wrong. We can't be out for this one. See, that's the thing as well.

05:26They always make it easy for celebrities because you're all thick. Yeah.

05:29I've even forgot what we did. Yeah. We was naming what we did. See, did we do? Yeah, yeah.

05:36One out? One out? Right, we lost one of you.

05:39He's a referee. Is he? Yeah. Do you know what they say about referees, boy? You don't know what you're doing.

05:49He's the ref that's always on Sky, stands by the wrong decisions, so I'm glad he's out.

05:54It's B, because the earring is different on Jill's ear. Woo! We got it right, B. Yes, indeed.

06:0090% of the country got that right, and you and the ref got it wrong.

06:05Let's move on to the 35% question. Oh, 35, mate. Oh, no. Get on your game.

06:10This is going to be hard. Oh, trickier. Oh. Which Premier League football team is this rhyming code for?

06:16Nest Jam. Nest Jam. It's not West Ham, is it? Ah, he's on it. He's on it. It's West Ham.

06:24West Ham. Why is it West Ham? Nest Jam.

06:27Bird's Nest Jam Jam. Yeah? Bird's Nest Jam Jam. Come on.

06:35Tottenham. Let's pot. Tottenham. Tottenham. It's a rhyming. Yes, bro. Tottenham.

06:43Premier League football, West Ham. Nest. West Ham, Liverpool. I don't know all the teams.

06:48Arsenal. Uh, Brentford. Nest Jam. Nest Jam. No, don't say Nest Jam. You said Nest Jam 17 times now. It's not helping.

06:55West Ham. West Ham. West Ham. What?

06:59Nest Jam Villa. No idea.

07:02Nest Jam. Nest Jam. West Jam. West Ham. West Ham. West Ham rhymes with nest jam.

07:10I can't believe you actually got that right. That's fucking unbelievable.

07:15I'm not going to lie. That was very quick for me. I'm quite proud of that.

07:17Nest Jam. And, yeah, if you say it quick and fuck.

07:20Ooh, ooh, ooh, Nest Jam. I don't know their chant.

07:24Also, yeah, you've never been to a football game.

07:27Ooh, ooh, ooh, Nest Jam.

07:29It's time for the 30% question.

07:31Come on, Perry. Head in the game.

07:3330% question. What does that even mean?

07:36Which England footballer is spelt out in this code below?

07:40Oh, no. Eh?

07:42How am I supposed to know hieroglyphics?

07:43I used to know them. I used to learn them.

07:45I used to have a hieroglyphics bookmark on papyrus.

07:51What? There's got to be Roman letters or something.

07:54Snake-eye bird wave.

07:57Whale comb eye-foot wings.

07:59What? Let me concentrate.

08:03Oh, er...

08:04It's got a fan-Kirby, I think.

08:06I think one of us has to just gamble.

08:08You have to go somewhere and I'll go somewhere.

08:09Otherwise, we're both out.

08:13Hey, Mary Earps.

08:14I'm going to go Fran Kirby.

08:16It's Fran Kirby, because the second letter of the first name

08:19and the third letter of the last name are the same in Fran and Kirby.

08:24Makes no sense. Absolutely not.

08:26I think I'm using a pass. Definitely use my pass.

08:29Let's see who got it right. Everyone's going to be out.

08:31This is going to separate the wheat from the chaff.

08:33I'll tell you that for now.

08:34Oh, and they're just ticking them off.

08:39Well, and me.

08:40No, because we used a pass.

08:42Fifteen out!

08:42That's a lot of people like... Yeah, I think there's a lot of people like me going,

08:45What? It's Fran Kirby.

08:46The only symbol that is repeated represents the second letter of the first name

08:50and the third letter of the second name.

08:52Mmm! Mmm!

08:54Ross, you need to go on there.

08:56Is that your most clever now?

08:58Oh, no. Absolutely not. You took a guess and I took a guess.

09:02Strategically, we played for each other there, because we took a punt each.

09:05After whittling down the sports stars and celebrities here in the studio,

09:08we are left with the 1% question.

09:10This is it. Right, deals, come on.

09:11The 1% question, because you've never watched this before.

09:15Good luck, first of all.

09:16Um, it's basically impossible.

09:18This is. Yeah.

09:19So, I can't point to where the hardest is going to be.

09:22In the opening verse to the original version of Three Lions,

09:26what two words feature exactly three times in the lyrics?

09:31Mum, please don't.

09:32They've seen it all before.

09:36They just know they're so sure.

09:41Is it it? It, it, it, it, it, it.

09:46It. It, it, it.

09:52So it, it and no?

09:53No. Ah! It and no.

09:54England is going to throw and blow it away, but no, so no.

09:58Is it no? I don't know.

10:02Oh, this game's stressing me out.

10:04Three no's, it's no and it, no and it.

10:06Yeah, there's three no's.

10:07No and it. No and it.

10:10It and no.

10:13That's what I said.

10:14I said no, did I?

10:15Yeah, you said no.

10:19Yeah!

10:22It's literally the greatest moment of my life.

10:25Oh, that's what...

10:26Why didn't they ask you to run then?

10:27I can't believe it.

10:29And they all thought I was dopey.

10:30Yeah.

10:31But why did we get it right?

10:33Because you're fucking intelligent.

10:34You're answering things right and you just do it automatically.

10:38Yeah.

10:39Yeah, without thought.

10:41I do everything without thought.

10:43I mean, there's nothing worse than fucking thinking, is there?

10:45Yeah, yeah.

10:46You know I was supposed to be a doctor.

10:50Is that like your biggest flex?

10:52No, it's not flex.

10:53I'm just saying.

10:54It's a proper job with proper money and proper prospects and you would enjoy it.

10:58Krishna and his daughter Jasmine.

11:00Your mum said your job isn't a proper job.

11:03Well, my job isn't a proper job.

11:04She's right.

11:04Okay, so you can't look down on me if I don't have a proper job because you don't have a proper job.

11:09But you literally don't have a proper job.

11:10At least I've got a job that isn't a proper job.

11:12Because I'm 19.

11:13No, I know.

11:14But I don't know what you're going to do.

11:16I'll be fine.

11:16I know you'll be fine.

11:18On Tuesday night, we were back in the Dales checking in on our furry friends on Channel 5.

11:24You've got the biggest fly on your face.

11:26Oh, get it off!

11:27I've never seen the Yorkshire vet.

11:29No, I've not watched it, but I think the vets is about animals, isn't it?

11:32Yeah.

11:33Someone's getting put down today, isn't it?

11:36I hope not, but it is.

11:38In the heart of glorious North Yorkshire, just outside the historic market town of Thirsk,

11:45sits Stony Brook Farm.

11:46Have you heard of All Creatures Great and Small?

11:48No.

11:48I mean, this is like the real life All Creatures Great and Small.

11:50What's that?

11:51All my family's from Yorkshire, bar me who's Lancastrian, yeah.

11:54Mum and Dad are Yorkshire, grandparents Yorkshire.

11:56A real-life Battle of the Roses?

11:58Yeah.

11:58I bet they have random animals these days come in, don't they?

12:04Right, and to vets, yeah?

12:05Yeah, not just dogs.

12:07I bet they have hamsters.

12:09Yeah.

12:13Matt's latest exotic patient of the thirst practice.

12:16Oh, what are they taking in?

12:17It's an Australian marsupial from Cannon Hall Farm.

12:20A what?

12:21Koala bear.

12:22A sugar glider called Pilot.

12:24What the hell is that?

12:25It looks like a mare cat mixed with a squirrel.

12:28How much do you reckon they'd be?

12:29Not much.

12:30Can we get one?

12:33Who needs castrating?

12:34He's getting his sugar lumps cut off.

12:37Why?

12:38That seems a bit harsh.

12:39And I'm going to be honest, on an animal that small, that's going to be tricky.

12:43Good luck.

12:44One of the biggest challenges is getting him under anaesthetic to start with,

12:47which is transferring from his little box to the little anaesthetic chamber that we've got

12:51and not losing him.

12:52Look at Pilot there, he's blissfully unaware.

12:56That little thing don't want to be castrated and live in Yorkshire.

12:59No, like...

13:00Who does?

13:01Certainly, he'll be angry, he'll be flighty, and we're going to need to be quick off the mark.

13:05Damn right, he's going to be pissed. Why are you taking away his nuts?

13:08Sometimes you get them quite nice, you know, but it's very much Jekyll and Hyde,

13:11and certainly when you see the teeth, you don't want to be bitten by one.

13:14Ooh.

13:15What would be a funny thing?

13:16If someone tried to cut my bollocks off, I'd bite them.

13:18How many of them are there in the world?

13:20Yeah, has he got lots of experience?

13:21In York, around Thirsk.

13:24Knowing he could encounter some turbulence with Pilot.

13:26Some turbulence with Pilot, did you get that?

13:30Great banter.

13:32Matt's assembled a crew of nurses, Frankie, Robin and Amy.

13:35So confused.

13:36There's four of them to deal with the flying gerbil.

13:40Right, little Pilot, just see how angry they get.

13:42Here we go.

13:44Ooh!

13:45Ooh!

13:46Rippin' hell!

13:47Oh, he's fuming.

13:50He's absolutely livid.

13:52He's always out.

13:53Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:54Rippin' hell!

13:55The reason he's come in, because he's just had four new ladies put in with him,

13:58and he's pestering them.

13:59That's why he's pestering all the ladies.

14:01Sorry, Pilot, they've got to go, mate.

14:02They've got to go.

14:03Well, I think that's what they should do to all pests.

14:07Send them in to see the Yorkshire vet.

14:09Hold them like that.

14:11Ooh, look at the size of them.

14:12Oh, wow. Massive nuts.

14:18For such a small thing.

14:20Definitely gets the award for the smallest scrotum area.

14:24Hang on, love. I might be able to say that.

14:27If you are giving out a cup or something, a certificate,

14:32can I throw my name into the hat?

14:36This is slightly different to normal castration, is it?

14:39We're just going to use a searing,

14:41cautery device, like a hot blade,

14:43to cut straight across from the testicles and the scrotum.

14:45Ah!

14:48It'll provide the least amount of trauma.

14:50Mate!

14:51There he's bald.

14:52The least amount of trauma?

14:54I'd say it's quite a lot of trauma.

14:57No.

14:58Oh, my God.

15:02Isn't it funny? That's his job.

15:04To remove testicles off small beards.

15:09There we go, and just like that.

15:11And just like that.

15:12Look at these tiny little balls.

15:14What do they do with them now?

15:16Pilot is two passengers lighter.

15:19Oh, very good line.

15:20He's pleased with that.

15:21Very good.

15:22Look at them laughing here, you bunch of seedists.

15:26Oh, I don't want to think about my...

15:28I don't even have balls, but imagine you having your balls chopped off.

15:32That would be awkward.

15:36Especially if I went to the Yorkshire Bear, yeah?

15:40I bet you've got so many pets.

15:41Yeah, you're getting a bit outnumbered now, aren't you?

15:44Four dogs and a horse.

15:45You've got a horse.

15:47Did you want that many?

15:48No.

15:49No.

15:50Did you want the horse?

15:51No.

15:52Did you want the kids?

16:02In Essex...

16:03Can I tell you what shocks me to this day?

16:06I can't get over it.

16:06Do you know how much a pack of dishwasher tablets are?

16:09I don't know why they're pricing them there.

16:11You need a small mortgage for dishwasher tablets.

16:15Best mates Jordan and Perry.

16:17Oh, sorry.

16:18If I take them home and I've got to rip the packet open...

16:20Yeah.

16:20Fuming.

16:21Fuming.

16:21Like, it's not like a little pot that pops, yeah?

16:24But even when you rip the packet open, I find it all the time.

16:26It's like putting my hand...

16:27You put your hand in it.

16:28A lot of them are burst.

16:29Like, all the time.

16:30Maybe I'm just too rough.

16:31No, you're heavy-handed.

16:32I am quite heavy-handed.

16:33I love...

16:34I'm nine and ever burst.

16:35I like doing that and then going, whoop!

16:38OK, I think you need to...

16:39You need to grow up a bit, man.

16:41Really?

16:41Yeah, that's how you turn the dishwasher on.

16:43I think you need to live a little.

16:44Next time...

16:45Next time you put your hand in that packet, I'm telling you, do that.

16:52Is that it?

16:53Yeah, but it's better without the eye contact.

16:58On Friday, ITV livened up our morning with more of this.

17:03Wakey, wakey, mate.

17:05Fucking this morning's on.

17:07Come in, B.

17:08Let's see how they manage to fill a few hours of television.

17:19Jeez, come on, bro.

17:20This is something called morning TV.

17:22Yeah.

17:23You know, while you're asleep, other people are making television.

17:26Yeah.

17:27So you've never watched this, have you?

17:28Because you've literally never been awake.

17:30Yeah.

17:31Not just any old fish Friday today.

17:32No.

17:33It's officially, officially, get it?

17:35National Fish and Chip Day.

17:37National Fish and Chip Day?

17:38National Fish and Chip Day, okay.

17:40Wow.

17:41Do you like fish and chips?

17:42I do, I love fish and chips.

17:43I like fish, chips, loads of something they got in curry sauce to dip in.

17:48Oh, you're so northern.

17:49To celebrate, we've got the potato queen herself, Poppy O'Toole.

17:53Oh, I like Poppy the potato.

17:55She cooks potatoes in lots of different ways.

17:57Yeah, Poppy's amazing.

17:58She's incredible.

17:59I've seen this girl do things with potatoes that are inhuman.

18:01What's your favourite?

18:02Are we going to have a potato or go?

18:03Dock from what?

18:04You fancy fucker.

18:06So we've got the mega fish and chip butty, but all of the components are quite flashy.

18:12Oh, look at that.

18:13Oh, man.

18:16That's not a fish butty, mate.

18:17That's a banquet.

18:18And I'm all for it, 10.30 or not, mate.

18:20I'm in there.

18:21So we're starting off with a vodka and tonic battered fish.

18:25Yes, vodka.

18:26Vodka in the batter.

18:27Oh, she's my sort of, I like her.

18:29Yeah, a tonic batter.

18:30Yeah.

18:31Just when it couldn't get any better.

18:32You would love that.

18:34Vodka, fish and chips, my worlds are collided.

18:37And then we've got orange chips from the Midlands.

18:39Wait, orange chips?

18:41Orange chips?

18:42Orange chips?

18:43They're from by us.

18:44They're from Birmingham.

18:45That's a black country thing.

18:47That's why Poppy's from Birmingham.

18:48Yes, girl.

18:49What's your favourite fish to have as fish and chips?

18:51Are you cod, girl, haddock?

18:52Cod.

18:53It's got to be cod.

18:54This is journalism.

18:55This is good.

18:56I'm haddock.

18:57I am haddock.

18:57I love haddock.

18:58They all taste the same.

18:59They're in batter.

19:00I'd have a remote control for owning a deep fat frayer.

19:03What's your favourite fish for a...

19:04Haddock.

19:05Is it?

19:06Yeah, what's yours?

19:07Haddock as well, actually.

19:08Well, that's good chat.

19:10If you go to a fish and chips shop, what's your normal order?

19:12What about a pickled egg?

19:14I don't mind a pickled egg.

19:15I love a pickled egg.

19:17What are you?

19:18Oh, chips and a battered sausage.

19:19Oh!

19:20You love your sausage.

19:22I do.

19:22And a bit of curry sauce to dip it in.

19:24HE LAUGHS

19:28I've got another question.

19:29Really?

19:30If you...

19:31What do you drink with fish and chips?

19:32Daddy lion and burdock.

19:33Oh!

19:34Yes!

19:35Water.

19:36You drink water?

19:37Because there's enough going on.

19:38Also, you know, I like to make the fish feel at home.

19:42Yeah, I go lemonade or a cup of tea.

19:43Oh!

19:44A cup of tea!

19:45Nah, nah.

19:46Get Phil back.

19:48Get Phil back.

19:49Because he wouldn't drink tea.

19:50No, he wouldn't.

19:51Get Phil back on.

19:52Really?

19:53A cup of tea?

19:53You'll have a cup of tea with fish and chips.

19:54You know what's nice with the fish and chips?

19:55A Mobeck.

19:56A Mobeck with fish and chips?

19:58Is that wine?

20:00Well, I think it is, you know.

20:01You don't fucking drink wine, Mobeck wine with fish and chips?

20:05Unless you're an alcoholic.

20:07Well, unless you're a twat.

20:09Very nice, Mr So-Tool.

20:10What do you drink at home?

20:11Just send that in to us so that we know.

20:13Let them know, Kelly.

20:14Let them know.

20:15Who's messaging this morning to tell them what drink they have with a chippy tea?

20:19More people than you think.

20:22Oh, hang on one second.

20:23I'm just going to message this morning.

20:24I must let Alison and Dermot know.

20:25I have a glass of water send.

20:27Some of your lovely goujons with your vodka tonic.

20:30How are we going to get our mouth round?

20:31Well.

20:32Well, I'm glad someone said it, Alison.

20:34That's too big for my mouth.

20:36Yeah, you can't open your mouth very wide, so that's not going in.

20:38Can't do it.

20:39Guys, I can not eat that sandwich.

20:41Look at the size of that.

20:42That is a big sandwich.

20:43Go on.

20:45Go on.

20:46I would be like, you've got to go to break,

20:47because things are about to get real freaky with this sandwich.

20:49Yeah.

20:50Honestly, you would not want to cut back to me.

20:52You come back from break and I'll be on the sofa going.

20:57In London.

20:58Shall we compare helmets?

21:00Because you've got a Vespa here, I've got a bike.

21:02Wow, yours is very pink and shiny.

21:03Mates Monja and Jamie.

21:06I'm aerodynamic, yeah?

21:08Look at that.

21:08You look like a professional.

21:10Look at the point on that, yeah?

21:12I'm a professional cyclist when I do this.

21:14It's unbelievable.

21:15Isn't it?

21:16Stay like that.

21:17Do you know how you can tell if it's good?

21:18Stay like that.

21:18Don't move.

21:19Don't move.

21:19This is how I cycle.

21:20This is how you can tell.

21:20Ready?

21:21Ready?

21:22Look at the arch.

21:23The arch is crazy.

21:24Oh, hold on.

21:25I breathe in water, bro, because now I can't move.

21:27Okay, yeah, yeah.

21:28But now do the legs.

21:29Do the legs.

21:29No, because it's going to spill on me.

21:31It's not.

21:31You've just trapped me.

21:32You've trapped me in some sort of weird twisted sore challenge.

21:36Right, if I cycle real slowly.

21:38Okay, go and pedal.

21:39Look at that.

21:39I'm pedaling.

21:40I'm just going up a hill.

21:42I am pedaling, bro.

21:43Pedal.

21:47On Saturday night, there was even more commotion at Olby General on BBC One.

21:52Bit of casualty for you, Claire.

21:54Casualty?

21:55God, I've not watched this in years.

21:57Is this still on?

21:58Yes.

21:59If you're anybody in the world of British acting, you've had a role in casualty.

22:03Who's had one?

22:03Keira Knightley's had one.

22:04Kate Winslet.

22:05Er...

22:09It's mad that people love this.

22:14And it's been on every Saturday night.

22:16Everyone's like, oh, let's settle down and watch trauma after trauma after trauma for an hour.

22:24Yeah, I found her on the floor.

22:25She said her chest hurt.

22:26Okay.

22:27Chest hurts.

22:28She needs to be careful.

22:29Oh, no.

22:29She's having a heart attack, you see?

22:31Oh, shit.

22:31Is that a heart attack?

22:32Hi there.

22:33I'm Jan.

22:34I'm a paramedic.

22:35Yeah, no shit.

22:35When you hear someone's called Jan, you trust that lady with your life.

22:40Yeah, yeah, Jan.

22:41Jan, Sue, Trish, you can trust.

22:45I'm going for Ranlio, training for the whole behalf.

22:50Half marathon?

22:51Bibes, put your feet up.

22:53Don't worry about it.

22:53Is it okay if my colleague took your pulse?

22:57What's Frodo doing there?

23:02My son, he's a personal trainer, says I'm unfit.

23:06Well, it turns out he had a point, love.

23:10Am I having a heart attack?

23:12Let's get you in the back of the ambulance and check you over.

23:14That's not what you want to hear.

23:15I'm not having a heart attack.

23:17Let's get you in the ambulance.

23:18So, yes.

23:18Yeah.

23:19Indy, she's getting worse.

23:21She's getting worse.

23:23She's dying.

23:25Two minutes.

23:26Come on, Indy, put your foot down.

23:29Blue lights.

23:30Oh, yeah.

23:36What's wrong?

23:36Oh, no.

23:37Something's wrong with the car.

23:40Oh, my God.

23:41Oh, no.

23:42What's that?

23:42Oh, no.

23:43I ain't stopping.

23:43The brakes ain't work.

23:44Oh, fuck off.

23:46I can't stop.

23:47It's speed.

23:48Oh, my God.

23:55That's not going to help the heart attack.

24:01Oh, shit.

24:02Oh, my God.

24:03Thank you all.

24:06Oh.

24:07Flipping hell.

24:08We're here.

24:13We've arrived.

24:14We didn't want to make a scene.

24:18Oh, God.

24:22Who's that?

24:23Oh, she's squashed him.

24:24Get it off me.

24:26Get it off me.

24:27She has not trapped that fella with the van.

24:29I'm saying get it off me like it's a daddy longlegs or something.

24:32Not a whole flipping ambulance.

24:33This whole thing's basically holding him together if we move it too fast.

24:38Oh, God.

24:39What did he say?

24:40He went, this whole thing's holding him together if we move it.

24:42Oh, my God.

24:47Oh, there's a power cut.

24:48It's all fucking going off.

24:49I've got a feeling there's even more disaster pending.

24:52I'm just going to say that because this isn't quite enough yet.

24:55Okay, clearly he's going into shock.

24:56Right, come on.

24:57We've got to move this ambulance now.

24:58Mm, finally.

24:59Now.

25:00They're going to try and move it.

25:01They're going to move the ambulance.

25:02I just feel like if they reverse, you might fall apart.

25:05Oh, for sure.

25:08Oh, no.

25:09Here we go.

25:12Oh, my God.

25:12Oh, fucking hell made it worse.

25:18Oh, he's got something lodged into him.

25:20No, something like that metal bar sticking out his tummy.

25:23Come on, let's move.

25:27All the roots caving in.

25:28Yeah, but that's fine.

25:30Why is that fine?

25:36How's it looking?

25:37How's it looking?

25:38It's not looking good, Doctor.

25:40Honestly, it's not looking good.

25:44Stomach's distended.

25:46Hemorrhaging.

25:47Want me with you?

25:48Who's this knobhead in the suit like?

25:50I think he must be like the surgeon, I'm going to guess.

25:52I'm going to go and see.

25:52He looks like a surgeon.

25:53The metal is seriously compromising his blood flow.

25:56If you don't act now, he's not going to make it.

25:57Come on, you can save him.

25:58Come on.

25:59Scalp on, please.

26:00Oh, God, here we go.

26:01You might need to turn away.

26:04There you go.

26:05Do you see it all on casualty?

26:07I don't know.

26:07We use strokes and we're in.

26:10Yeah.

26:10Oh, you don't.

26:11Not a great time to have pizza, is it?

26:13No.

26:17Oh!

26:18Oh, Jesus, I can't watch this.

26:19Right, it's plastic.

26:20It's plastic, it's pretend.

26:22No.

26:22Oh, the noise, it's the noise.

26:24It's squelching.

26:25I know it.

26:26You don't have to tell me what the noise, I can hear it.

26:30Oh, fucking hell.

26:33Pepperami just flew out of him.

26:35Yuck.

26:35Sausages, sausages.

26:36Sausages.

26:37More sausages.

26:38More sausages.

26:41There it is.

26:41Look at that.

26:43He took it out.

26:47Success.

26:48Has he done it?

26:49I think he's done it.

26:50Well done.

26:51Well done.

26:51Brilliant.

26:52This all started because someone tried to do a run in a park.

26:54I'll tell you now, running's bad.

26:56Yeah.

26:56Running is...

26:57That is what we've learnt.

26:58Don't run.

26:59What we've taken from casualty is everyone out there trying to do half marathons.

27:03Stop.

27:10In West London.

27:12Uh, I've got some new bins.

27:13Yeah, go on.

27:14They're quite, um, flamboyant.

27:17What do you mean they're flamboyant?

27:18I don't think they're flamboyant.

27:19It's all about it.

27:20Quite dramatic.

27:20A little bit of sexy tortoiseshell, no?

27:22Before you start giving me grief, I've seen you've got some glasses down there.

27:25Bang them on.

27:26Good friends Ben and Kat.

27:33Hold on.

27:34What?

27:35Come on.

27:36All right, Deirdre Barlow.

27:37They're not.

27:38These aren't, no.

27:39These are 70s.

27:41Are you kidding?

27:42These are 70s, not 80s Deirdre.

27:44Do you know who Deirdre Barlow is?

27:45Of course I do.

27:45You've got Deirdre Barlow's glasses on.

27:46No, I haven't.

27:47These might be a bit Bette Lynch, but they're Deirdre Barlow.

27:50I'd rather be better than Deirdre.

27:51We're going to get on just fine.

27:54We'll have a pint in the Ravers and watch on telly.

27:57This week we're off on another jaunt to the Coxwalls on Prime Video.

28:01So we're watching Clarkson's farm.

28:03Oh, I love a farm.

28:04My dream is to have a farm one day.

28:06Bro, I swear to you, but you want llamas.

28:09I want llamas.

28:12I just really want llamas.

28:15I ain't got time for the other stuff.

28:20Oh, I went to one quite recently, a farm.

28:22Well, I say farm, it's like a pettingsive.

28:24Okay, Clarkson's farm.

28:27I'm not going to do it.

28:28Clarkson's farm.

28:29Clarkson's farm.

28:30Never do that again.

28:31I won't do it again.

28:32I've never actually been on an actual farm.

28:33No.

28:34But I did Duke of Edinburgh, bronze award, and I had to walk through a field of bulls and cows.

28:41The same.

28:42Not to flex, but yeah, I've done it.

28:44In the programme, Jeremy was on the hunt for some new livestock.

28:48So I decided to go to my first ever cattle auction and buy some cows.

28:54He's going to take the bull by the arms and buy some cows.

28:57I couldn't go and pick a cow and then be like, right, mince it.

29:01Yeah.

29:01If I bought a cow, it'd be like living with me.

29:03Yeah, in the bed.

29:04It'd be here.

29:06Hello.

29:07Charlie.

29:07Hi.

29:08I'm just wondering, how many cows do you think I should buy?

29:12We need between six and seven.

29:14Between six and seven?

29:16Like six and a half.

29:17So I'll get eight cows and these are store cows.

29:21Because he's bought the pub and he wants to open it in about a month,

29:25he's got to get cows that are really close and ready to slaughter.

29:29You want to buy something that actually we can finish fairly quickly?

29:32Finish them really quickly?

29:34Kill them?

29:35I don't know what you mean.

29:35What does that mean?

29:38Oh, no.

29:40I still wasn't totally sure what Charlie was on about,

29:44but there was no need to panic.

29:46Because Harriet had kindly agreed to come along and hold my hand.

29:51I actually don't believe that Jeremy's not got a clue.

29:54Yeah.

29:55Really.

29:56Because he's a fucking know-it-all, innit?

29:58And we started by going through the breeds on sale.

30:02There's like a catalogue of cows like it's the birdie Argos.

30:05How much is it?

30:06Charolais and Angus.

30:08Yeah.

30:08Is that any good?

30:10Yes.

30:10This will run on moorland at altitude.

30:13Single suckled, that said.

30:14Mm-hmm.

30:15That means it only suckled on a single teat.

30:18I would want a cow that's been through all the teats available.

30:21Got the best fighting chance.

30:23Could you buy an Angus cow?

30:24I thought that was a steak menu.

30:32That means it's starting.

30:33All right, ladies and gentlemen, make a start.

30:35Of course, you're an expert now.

30:37You see that TV up there?

30:39Yeah.

30:39That's going to tell you what lot number you want.

30:41Oh, it's like Argos.

30:42Yeah.

30:43Really, isn't it?

30:43It's like Argos like hells and they call your number.

30:46That was the last thing I understood.

30:49Because at that moment, the auctioneer started speaking.

30:56What?

30:57Not all of them are words.

30:59Not all of them are words.

31:04What number do you know that has in it?

31:08It does not have an R in it.

31:15It does.

31:18I like at the end as well when a little bit Alicia Dixon.

31:19Yeah, I'm 15.

31:20You know what I mean?

31:22Yeah, I don't have that 15.

31:24Yeah, you know.

31:25Right, these, these are good.

31:28That's how I'd like to go shopping in a shop, just look at like a pair of shoes and go.

31:431620, so you've got two at 1620.

31:58Two at 1620.

31:59Just 1620 you were.

32:0116 pounds 20 pence?

32:03I think it's, no, 1620 pounds.

32:06Wow.

32:07At this point, I decided it was time to pull rank.

32:11Here we go.

32:11Is Jeremy going to try it now?

32:1211, 10, 20, 11, 20, 30.

32:15He's doing a finger like, I want it, I want it.

32:16I'm leaving you to it.

32:171150, put a bit of 50 pound, all I know, 1150.

32:20He's bidding against himself now.

32:22Wait, what?

32:24Stop putting your hand in there.

32:27I don't get it.

32:28He bid twice, he bid against himself.

32:31Nearly twice, nearly twice.

32:33He nearly bid twice.

32:35He nearly bid against himself.

32:38I headed back to the farm with my new cows.

32:41Come on, new cows.

32:43And waited for Charlie to shower me with praise for a job well done.

32:48Charlie is Clarkson's adult.

32:51Those two limousons are cracking.

32:53They're really good.

32:53They'll finish quite great.

32:54They're the ones Harriet bought.

32:55What about the other six?

32:57Don't you think this one's pretty cool?

32:59No, it hasn't got a round rump on the back.

33:01It's better.

33:02He's picked wrong ones.

33:03He spent all that money for the rump count.

33:05He should have just listened to Harriet.

33:07Oh, God, have I done it wrong?

33:08Yeah.

33:09Yeah.

33:09We're not done it right.

33:11He's not great at it, is he?

33:12They just need to be more bootylicious.

33:15Exactly that.

33:16We're sat here watching this.

33:17Do you know what's going on?

33:19No.

33:20I ain't got a clue.

33:25Oh, look at this.

33:26Have you got the teapot?

33:28I've got a teapot, bruv.

33:30What cup do you want?

33:30I don't care.

33:31I made this one, you know.

33:32You can have that.

33:33I'll go pottery.

33:34Yeah?

33:35I'll go to pottery.

33:36I'll go to pottery classes.

33:37I made this.

33:38Good friends Mo and Baba Tunde.

33:41You laugh now, 100 years time.

33:43This will be on Antiques Roadshow.

33:45You reckon you'll have your own collection?

33:47No one is going to buy that.

33:53Yeah, this.

33:54No one will buy that.

33:55It's not just any pottery.

33:56Do you know what it is?

33:57No.

33:58Blood clerk pottery.

34:01On Friday, stateside squabbling was headlining the news on ITV.

34:06Right, let's watch the news.

34:07I love the news.

34:08Just before the news stats, just let me adjust.

34:11Yeah, just get me your tounals right.

34:15Yeah, because if it's not in the right position, I'm not comfy.

34:18You're like the regurgitator of news.

34:21I'm a news tube.

34:22You're like, I'm like one of those little birds that are in the nest.

34:26I'm a bird feeder of news.

34:27And then I'm like this.

34:28This is the ITV lunchtime news with Charlene White.

34:32Oh, I like her denim.

34:33It's not when you got the news at one, but a bewitch concert at two.

34:37Donald Trump and Elon Musk have scheduled a private call.

34:40Oh, here we are.

34:41The chuckle brothers are back.

34:43After a social media spat between the US president

34:46and the world's richest man blew up yesterday.

34:49Bit late for the private call now.

34:51I mean, look, this was inevitable, right, that these two was going to fall out.

34:56Have you been in a relationship that's ended this dramatically?

34:59Several times.

35:00The world's most powerful man and the world's richest man have fallen out

35:05and it hasn't been pretty.

35:07Who'd have thought it? Two lunatics falling out.

35:10I'm a...

35:10What do you reckon he's saying?

35:12You are a bad boy.

35:15That's not unlike Deeley. That finger comes out of me a fair few times.

35:18Look at that. Look how that moves.

35:20Trump, take note.

35:22The cause of the argument is what the president likes to call his big, beautiful bill.

35:26Trump's big, beautiful bill, right, is really...

35:30In it, it basically goes, fuck off electric cars.

35:34We want petrol cars.

35:36Right.

35:36And Musk, basically, makes his main till off electric cars.

35:42Right.

35:43So he sees Trump now with his bill as fucking him off.

35:48Right.

35:49You know, I was like disappointed to see the massive spending bill.

35:54Why doesn't he just go and occupy Mars?

35:56Go and occupy Mars, please.

35:57Occupy Mars.

35:59Only a man with a spaceship can wear that t-shirt though.

36:02100%.

36:02I slightly read it a little bit.

36:07Last night, the men started shouting at each other through their social media megaphones.

36:12I love a messy argument on social media.

36:15That's why I'm not deleting Facebook.

36:16The easiest way to save money in our budget, billions and billions of dollars, said the president,

36:22is to terminate Elon's governmental subsidies.

36:25I don't think I ever really did the arguing across social media.

36:27No.

36:28Katie Hopkins called me a slag once on social media.

36:31How was that for you?

36:34I don't really remember.

36:35I mean, you didn't really need to say anything to win that one, did you?

36:38I just remember.

36:38Didn't she get done for shagging someone?

36:40That's what I remember thinking.

36:41I'm sure he got caught shagging someone's husband in a field.

36:44Yeah.

36:44Wasn't she bent over a farmer's gate?

36:46I wouldn't worry too much about her calling you a slag.

36:48Musk hit back with an unsubstantiated claim.

36:51What's he said back?

36:52This is the big one.

36:53That Mr. Trump appears in government files

36:56relating to the billionaire sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

36:59Wow.

37:00Ooh.

37:01Ooh.

37:02Yo.

37:03Uh-uh.

37:04Yo, he went there.

37:05How does he know if he's on Epstein's list?

37:08Lord knows, man.

37:09I mean, the thing is, they're both totally flawless kings.

37:11So I'm shocked as you are to hear that Trump's on that list.

37:17Is that him leaving the White House?

37:18Is that him?

37:20Good like getting your shit back, Elon.

37:23The billionaire then appeared to row back on a threat

37:26to decommission one of the SpaceX spacecraft

37:29that America's space programme relies upon.

37:32Well, does he own all those masks?

37:34Yeah.

37:34Well, I don't want to go to space.

37:36How can a man say, I'm taking my spacecraft back?

37:40You can't do that.

37:41You don't be the kid who's like, I'm going home.

37:43I'm taking my ball.

37:45Don't do that.

37:45So men are meant to be better leaders because they're less emotional.

37:50Are they?

37:50In theory.

37:51Who said that?

37:52Who knows? A man.

37:54Men are meant to be better leaders?

37:55Hmm.

37:56Well, they're doing a fine job.

37:58Aren't they?

37:59I've got a random question.

38:09What tea bags do you have?

38:10I've never had a tea or a coffee.

38:12What?

38:13You've never had a tea or a coffee?

38:16Nope.

38:17Friends Luke and Ginge.

38:19You're 18 years old, you've never had a cup of tea?

38:21Nope.

38:22Or a coffee.

38:23You're taking the piss.

38:24I'm not.

38:25That's a joke.

38:26Seriously?

38:26Never had one.

38:28What do you drink?

38:29Just anything but tea?

38:31Yeah.

38:31Or coffee.

38:32Wow, that's crazy.

38:35In North London.

38:36Have you had a good week?

38:38I have, actually.

38:38It's been quite a busy week.

38:39Haven't you been to Wales?

38:41I've been to Wales.

38:42Was that random?

38:42Was it impromptu?

38:44Very random.

38:45You know me, I'm a random person.

38:46I'm all about spontaneity.

38:49Spontaneity?

38:49Spontaneity, yeah.

38:51Ellie and her good friend, Richie.

38:54Would you just wake up in the morning and think,

38:55I want to go to Wales?

38:56I needed to go see friends.

38:57Oh, okay.

38:58Because they're only in ages.

38:59So I was like, oh, for two days off work, driving my car.

39:02Not in Wales?

39:03Can you speak Welsh?

39:04No, can you speak Welsh?

39:05Well, I was supposed to.

39:06I didn't.

39:07You went to school in Wales?

39:08Yeah, I went to school in Wales.

39:09I spoke, went to GCSE in Welsh and got, guess what I got?

39:14A.

39:15Me and A.

39:16B?

39:17No, not a B.

39:18Not a C.

39:19D?

39:19A U.

39:21For unique.

39:24I failed my Welsh GCSE.

39:26This week, Hugh Grant was giving us the willies on Prime Video.

39:30I very rarely stay awake until the end of the movie, just so you know.

39:34So if I start snoring or dribbling, give me a nudge.

39:36I remember when you were being used to watch Dracula and you used to have to walk home down

39:41the dark road after we watched Dracula and you was on your toes.

39:45Yeah, it's not like I get involved.

39:47In the film, we see two young missionaries on their way to spread the good word.

39:55This is it.

39:59Crippy house, don't go in.

40:00Crippy house, don't go in.

40:01What's happening?

40:02Crippy house.

40:02I mean, that has foreboding written all over it, doesn't it?

40:07I used to sell double glazing door to door.

40:09I'm not knocking on that door.

40:12Is there someone there?

40:15Ah.

40:17Good afternoon.

40:17Oh, it's here, Grant.

40:18Hello.

40:19CZ.

40:19I absolutely love you.

40:23You know what?

40:24What?

40:24I love you, Sue.

40:25Oh, you love me, Sue?

40:28Fish bug me!

40:29Good afternoon.

40:32I'm Sister Paxton and this is my companion, Sister Barnes.

40:35Oh, they're a couple of nurses?

40:36No, they're Mormons.

40:38Would you like to come inside?

40:40No.

40:41Oh, no.

40:42Do you have a girl roommate?

40:44So they're not allowed to go in because obviously he's just a man and their beliefs and stuff.

40:48That's right.

40:48It's just for safety.

40:49We don't mind the rain.

40:50But my wife is home.

40:51Does that come?

40:52Yeah.

40:52I think he's lying.

40:54No, I don't like this.

40:55No, I think he's lying.

40:56You can tell.

40:57You can tell.

40:58Very naive.

40:59Wife is out.

41:01Cereal care.

41:01Don't trust him, girl.

41:02Do you like pie?

41:03Yeah.

41:03My wife has pie in the oven.

41:05Oh, yes.

41:06Bit of pie.

41:07I'm straight through that door.

41:08You should have said.

41:10Straight away.

41:14My wife is being shy.

41:16But the pie, the pie is nigh.

41:18Sketchy.

41:20There's no wife, is there?

41:22I think it is good.

41:25Why has he got a candle?

41:26Yeah.

41:27To be religious.

41:28Well, our work here is done.

41:29No, I just want you to know that before we start.

41:31Yeah.

41:32Something's happening.

41:33Something.

41:34Where's your wife, you?

41:35Can we meet your wife?

41:38Please.

41:39Of course.

41:40Yes.

41:40I see.

41:42She's on it already.

41:43She's got it.

41:44Can we meet your wife?

41:45She's like, mm-hmm.

41:46Sorry, I'll go ask.

41:50See, the moment he leaves the room now to go look for the wife, I'm at the door, man.

41:54They've picked up on a sense, haven't they?

41:58That he's a little bit woo and he's a little bit wee.

42:03I'm going to be honest, I don't know what that means, but the candle's gone out.

42:05What?

42:06What the candle?

42:06Why are you looking at the candle?

42:07What is it, what is it, what is it?

42:14Blueberry pie.

42:15Oh, he ain't chopping them up.

42:17His wife ain't in the pie.

42:19No.

42:19He said that the wife was cooking a pie, but the scent of the candle's blueberry pie,

42:25so they thought they could smell the pie being made by the wife.

42:28And it's the candle.

42:29It's the candle.

42:30Oh, oh.

42:31So who's in the fucking pie, though?

42:33No, there ain't a pie.

42:35Oh, there ain't a pie.

42:37Oh!

42:39Oh, no!

42:40It's locked.

42:41In this situation, you just accept it, don't you?

42:43What?

42:44That you're doomed.

42:45No.

42:46Well, how else are they going to escape?

42:48Do we just need your help with the door?

42:51Um, it's a little tricky.

42:53We've tried to escape.

42:54Open the door for us, you weirdo.

42:57The deadbolts are on a timer.

42:59Ah.

42:59Oh, my God, and there's still no pie there.

43:02If you are now, regrettably, ready to leave, you'll have to exit through the back of my house.

43:10Oh.

43:10Oh, we're not doing that.

43:11Oh.

43:12We're not doing that, Hugh.

43:15No.

43:15I'll go through the front door.

43:16Or the window.

43:17Or the fucking window.

43:18Yeah.

43:19I'm not going through your back door.

43:25Belief?

43:27If God is real, and he watches when we masturbate, and he has such a fragile ego that he only helps

43:32us when we beg him and shower him with praise, and he hates gay people for being what he made

43:36them to be, well, that's terrifying.

43:38Eh?

43:39Oh, my God, can I just go home?

43:40Can I go home?

43:41Yeah.

43:41I want to spell it that way.

43:48There's a belief door and a disbelief door.

43:50Which would you pick?

43:52That's the point.

43:53You're not, you know, there's no right answer.

43:55If there's no God, and we're just horny microscopic ants floating on a rock through space

43:59with no divine purpose and no hope to achieve eternal life, well, that's terrifying too.

44:04Oh, it's fucking nuts.

44:06I like that.

44:07Horny microscopic ants.

44:08Which one would you choose?

44:11I feel like I don't, I feel like I don't know what he wants them to see at this point.

44:14Sister Paxton, do you still believe in God?

44:18Yes.

44:20Then let's leave through here.

44:23I would stay together, whatever you do.

44:24Yeah, whatever it is, stay together.

44:26You can always overpower him if you stay together.

44:28I reckon I just might move into that room.

44:30I actually like it here.

44:31I think it's really cozy.

44:32Beautiful.

44:33You've got a blanket, have you?

44:34Oh, it doesn't look like it's outside.

44:43Brother.

44:45Thank you for all your mentorship and thank you for letting us leave.

44:50Don't thank him.

44:51You don't know you're leaving.

44:52Oh, if you think you're leaving, good Lord, you've never seen a horror film in your life.

44:57Oh, let's go to the cellar, let's go to the cellar.

45:04That's not the back door.

45:06They're going further into the house.

45:08They're going down, yeah.

45:14He's there.

45:14Oh my God, he is as well.

45:16Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill.

45:18Relax and chill.

45:20That looks like Russell.

45:24Oh, not Russell, you.

45:26I'm getting you, Grant, mixed up with Russell Grant.

45:29Yeah, oh.

45:30Who was going to tell them they're stars.

45:32Yeah, we wrote a song about him.

45:35Are you coming too?

45:37No.

45:37Of course he's not.

45:38He knows what's down there.

45:41I bet there's a dragon down there.

45:45No.

45:46Oh, no, no, no, no.

45:50Yep.

45:51Yes.

45:53Woo!

45:53Whoa!

45:56That was so good.

46:06Drama streaming now.

46:08A mother and daughter arrive in town with secrets that won't stay quiet.

46:12That's Little Flyers everywhere with Ruth Witherspoon.

46:16A helping hand over one of life's most awkward hurdles.

46:20Visit Virgin Island.

46:21That's streaming now, too.

46:23Next tonight, the open house welcomes its first gay couple.

Category

Transcript

Recommended