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I have Had Sex with Many Women. How to Forget All That? || Acharya Prashant (2024)
Acharya Prashant
Follow
7/2/2025
Category
📚
Learning
Transcript
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00:00
Namaste
00:02
Namaste
00:04
I've done things in the past which I'm not so proud of
00:08
mingling with some girls in a sexual way
00:12
and regretting it later
00:14
such things can be taken back
00:16
and living with it knowing that the sexual energy
00:20
has affected me in subtle ways
00:22
which I can very much feel
00:24
I don't know how to remove this sexual memory from my body
00:28
I tried searching online how to get rid of
00:32
this memory
00:34
and my mind is occupied with it
00:36
and so is my body
00:38
I believe
00:40
I want to get rid of these essence
00:42
that I have picked up
00:44
I'm aware of the changes in my body
00:46
and all I want to do is get rid of it
00:48
But what is sexual memory?
00:52
What do you mean by that?
00:54
Like fragrances
00:56
and the very subtle changes that I feel
01:00
that have changed ever since then
01:02
Okay
01:04
See
01:06
it requires you
01:10
to
01:12
be occupied
01:16
in the same
01:18
kind of patterns as before
01:20
Right?
01:24
If you live the same life as you were living
01:28
hitherto
01:30
If you visit the same places
01:32
If you eat at the same places
01:36
Then obviously
01:38
all those things will return as nostalgia to you
01:42
you
01:44
You cannot be
01:46
living
01:48
the same kind of life
01:50
and
01:52
yet hope
01:54
to not notice
01:56
a missing part
01:58
of that life
02:00
that life
02:02
Sexual
02:04
Activity
02:06
or relationships
02:08
are not something that happen in
02:10
vacuum
02:12
Hmm?
02:14
So you had a set of friends
02:16
You also had a
02:18
You had particular sartorial preferences
02:22
You also were spending time
02:24
doing something
02:26
like
02:27
Okay fine
02:28
watching football
02:29
watching movies
02:30
visiting this place
02:31
doing
02:32
this particular thing
02:34
And in the middle of all this
02:38
and arising from all this
02:40
and intermeshed with all this
02:42
was the sexual aspect of life
02:45
Right?
02:46
Now that sexual aspect might have proven
02:51
to bring sorrow to you
02:53
so you want to get rid of it
02:55
Something happens
02:56
You know
02:57
in these things
02:58
there is a degree of fragility always present
03:00
so you now want to put it away
03:02
But you want to keep everything else intact
03:06
That's not going to happen
03:07
If everything else remains the same way it was
03:12
then this part of life
03:14
two will cry to remain the same
03:17
as it was
03:22
You cannot say
03:23
You know
03:26
I am still a lover of pizza
03:31
But I don't like cheese anymore
03:35
Every time they will serve you the pizza
03:37
you will be reminded of cheese
03:41
Fine, cheese might still be dispensable
03:43
But you cannot say
03:45
I am a lover of pizza
03:46
I continue to be a lover of pizza
03:48
But I don't
03:50
want the bread anymore
03:52
Every time they will serve you pizza
03:55
sans bread
03:57
you will clamor for bread
04:03
If you want to
04:05
change something in life
04:07
really change something
04:08
really change something
04:11
You must change the centre itself
04:14
Otherwise you are just inviting
04:20
a sense of being torn
04:23
You visit the same club as you
04:28
as you used to
04:31
The moment you reach there
04:33
The moment you reach there
04:35
they will say
04:36
Well sir, where is your partner?
04:39
Stag entry not allowed
04:41
And the moment they will point
04:43
at that
04:45
you will be reminded of something
04:48
and you will start missing something
04:49
Are you getting it?
04:52
Are you getting it?
04:53
And you will not be able to stand
04:55
that loneliness for long
04:56
Are you getting it?
04:57
And you will not be able to stand
04:59
that loneliness for long
05:01
If you want to save your other patterns
05:07
you will be forced to bring in
05:11
the missing part of the pattern as well
05:17
You cannot say I want to drive the same car
05:21
but without one of the wheels
05:25
If you insist that you will ride the same car
05:30
you will have to bring back the wheel
05:32
maybe of a different brand
05:34
maybe from a different manufacturer
05:36
maybe with
05:38
some other
05:40
stripes and grooves and cuts
05:45
maybe alloy wheels this time
05:48
maybe something else
05:50
but the replacement would have to be found
05:54
and that's no good
05:56
Essentially you have
05:58
restored the status quo
06:02
If the wheel has tormented you so much
06:05
or if you have been able to see
06:10
the futility of wheeling around
06:13
you will need to
06:15
maybe change the vehicle itself
06:21
Are you please getting it?
06:23
We tend to look at problems
06:26
in fragments
06:28
We think relationship with one particular person
06:33
is one particular problem
06:34
No
06:38
Any particular problem
06:40
is always related to all the other problems
06:43
that you have
06:45
that applies to a person
06:47
that applies to humanity as a whole
06:51
But we do not want to disrupt the other problems
06:54
because every problem to us
06:57
is a pleasure giving pattern
07:00
until it shows up
07:03
for what it really is
07:05
Huh?
07:07
So we remain enmeshed in problems
07:09
and at one point in time
07:11
only one of the pattern appears as a problem
07:15
the other patterns appear as pleasures
07:18
so we don't want to disrupt them
07:21
only the one particular pattern
07:24
that has revealed itself as a problem
07:26
we want to do something about it
07:29
you cannot do anything about it
07:31
not possible
07:34
all these problems are related to each other
07:38
and lucky are those
07:41
whose problems all together show up
07:45
all at once
07:47
unfortunately that does not happen with us
07:49
we are not
07:52
lucky enough
07:56
to be attacked by all problems together
07:59
in our life problems come one at a time
08:02
so we feel now at this moment
08:06
there is only this particular problem
08:09
and the other factors in life
08:11
the other things, other objects in life
08:13
they are alright
08:14
in fact they are rather sources of pleasure
08:15
in fact they are the bulwarks
08:19
helping me to face this particular problem
08:23
so I have five friends
08:26
one of whom has turned into a problem lately
08:31
who are the other four?
08:33
these four, the other four are the one supporting me in facing the problem
08:40
these five together are not the problem
08:46
one of them is a problem
08:49
and the other four
08:51
are my support
08:53
even as I face the problem
08:55
so you will cling even more to the other four
08:58
the fact is
09:00
the five of them together are one thing
09:03
these five are not distinct at all
09:07
they are five manifestations
09:12
of the same thing
09:14
what is that same thing?
09:16
that same thing is called your choice
09:19
because you are the one who chose all five of them
09:22
each of them
09:25
is an exhibition of your choice
09:27
and therefore each of them is problematic
09:31
because your choice is problematic
09:33
what is choice?
09:34
consciousness
09:35
when one's consciousness is not
09:38
elevated enough
09:39
or pure enough
09:40
or sharp enough
09:42
then that lack of sharpness
09:44
is displayed
09:46
in hazy
09:48
and harmful choices
09:50
the one who is making a harmful choice
09:53
will make harmful choices
09:55
in all matters
09:57
or will he make a harmful choice only in one particular matter?
10:02
I am asking
10:04
please, please think of it
10:06
if I do not know how to choose
10:08
I will not be choosing a pair of shoes wisely
10:11
I will also not be choosing a handkerchief wisely
10:14
I will also not be choosing a job wisely
10:17
if I do not know how to drive
10:20
does it matter whether I drive to the left or to the right?
10:22
to the left or to the right?
10:24
if I drive to the left I will be colliding
10:27
if I will drive to the right
10:29
I will again be banging into somebody
10:32
because
10:34
right or left
10:36
it's me at the centre
10:38
at the wheel
10:40
but I think that probably I got
10:44
hit only when I was driving to the left
10:48
left
10:50
therefore it is the left direction that's inauspicious
10:53
let me avoid left and drive only to the right
10:56
as if only one segment of life is a problem
11:02
no, the segment of life is not the problem
11:04
the centre of life is the problem
11:06
that's why
11:12
books like Gita help
11:14
they challenge the very centre of life
11:25
well, in that case, how do I get rid of
11:30
like you gave an example of a pizza
11:33
how do I, what about the good things in it?
11:36
like some vegetables
11:38
like I can't just get rid of that, right?
11:41
I might have to replace it
11:42
the good things there
11:46
serve as convenient excuses for all the bad things
11:52
good things are always needed
11:57
so that we can sustain the bad things
12:00
truth is always needed so that we can cover up the lies
12:04
and cover up the lies
12:08
honesty is always needed
12:10
so that we can be
12:12
conveniently dishonest
12:14
absolute dishonesty would absolutely fall
12:19
an absolute lie cannot stand
12:24
therefore
12:26
some kind of seasoning
12:28
of the truth is needed
12:29
what is needed
12:34
remember
12:36
that
12:37
goodness
12:38
moderated
12:40
is just a cover up
12:43
for wickedness
12:47
if you really want good things
12:50
do not take them
12:51
take them
12:52
through a pizza
12:55
good things
12:57
are their own justification
12:59
take them for what they are
13:01
you cannot take them as dressings or toppings
13:05
upon a pizza
13:08
good things must not be ordered
13:12
to tail behind bad things
13:15
good things
13:17
good things should not be used
13:19
as a cover up
13:21
as a foil
13:23
for bad things
13:25
if good things are really good
13:29
respect them
13:31
for their own self
13:34
if there are olives there or something
13:42
why not
13:44
why not just
13:46
consume
13:48
olives
13:50
why do you need to have a pizza for the
13:53
sake of olives
13:58
I have nothing against pizzas
13:59
huh
14:00
so
14:01
just because the example is stretching too far
14:04
I hope we are
14:06
we are not taking this as some kind of
14:08
judgment on
14:10
pizza itself
14:12
I love pizzas
14:16
you think there's a
14:19
way to
14:21
rise beyond
14:23
that in a most effective way
14:25
although
14:26
I do realize as you said
14:27
that the problem
14:28
I could blame it on my situations and circumstances
14:31
but it arise
14:32
really just in me
14:34
but
14:36
how do I change myself
14:38
by seeing what you are doing
14:42
the action
14:44
that brings sorrow
14:46
must become
14:48
the gateway to the actor
14:53
ideally every action
14:55
should enable you to look at the actor
14:56
but
14:59
if the action begets pleasure
15:01
you do not want to look at the actor
15:02
no
15:04
so when the action
15:06
results in sorrow
15:08
it's an opportune time
15:10
to look at the actor
15:11
because the actor now
15:13
is himself saying
15:14
come on
15:15
heal me
15:16
come on
15:17
help me
15:18
give me
15:19
some remedy
15:20
so this is
15:21
the right time to go to the actor
15:22
and see you know
15:23
you
15:24
where have you been hurt
15:25
what happened really
15:27
see how you made those choices
15:29
and
15:30
see that those choices
15:31
are still continuously being made
15:34
that will help you avert
15:36
further sorrow
15:38
rather further disasters
15:41
the center from which
15:44
we made one bad choice
15:47
is still active
15:49
and is still choosing on our behalf
15:52
which means
15:54
more sorrow
15:55
is just round the corner
15:57
that will also help you get rid
16:02
of all the nostalgia
16:03
and the memory
16:04
and such things
16:06
should I remember the road accident
16:09
I had six months back
16:11
or should I focus on averting
16:14
the one waiting to happen six seconds later
16:17
later
16:22
I am rushing into a road roller
16:28
should I focus on that
16:30
or should I remain
16:32
occupied thinking
16:34
of the bad accident
16:35
I had six months back
16:37
200 meters ahead of me
16:42
is that road roller
16:44
and I am going to collide headlong
16:49
when you see
16:51
that the real tragedy
16:53
is not what happened in the future
16:55
but what is going to happen just now
16:58
not what happened in the past
17:01
but what is going to happen just now
17:04
then there remains no incentive
17:07
to keep clinging to the past
17:08
when you are thinking of all the sorrow of the past
17:15
you have a very solid assumption
17:19
the assumption is
17:21
that sorrow lies in the past
17:23
and therefore you are looking at the past
17:27
and asking you know how do I get rid of it
17:29
how do I heal it
17:31
what if you come to learn that sorrow lies not so much in the past
17:34
in the past
17:36
but in the immediate present
17:38
that you are going to collide with that road roller
17:42
right now
17:44
would you still want to remember what happened 10 years back
17:46
all the nostalgia and all the memory
17:49
and all those things will just vanish
17:50
and all those things will just vanish
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