00:00Good afternoon sir. I am Hia from FIJC Arts. So sir, my question is, according to Indian
00:08society, it is not permissible for teenagers to date. So what are your thoughts about it?
00:14Thank you for the question. Please sit. Thank you sir. The society is not one
00:29thing. In one sense we are born in a society, we get raised in a society. In another sense
00:41as adults, we not only choose our society but also build our society. That's what discretion
00:52is all about. That's what free will, free thought and free choice is all about. You
00:59are not condemned to live in one particular society that surrounds you purely by chance.
01:10How are you? There are multiple societies and if you can't find a suitable society, come
01:21on build one and be at the center of that creation. What do we call a society? Let's consider
01:29it please.
01:32Probably your contact list. Probably your contact list in your phone. That's what your society
01:38is. Is that not? That's a fairly approximate but correct representation. That's what you
01:44call it as a society. Now how long exactly is that contact list? How long? How many friends
01:52you have on Instagram or Facebook? A few thousands? You combine everything, put everything together,
02:01your contact list, your friends, your followers, anybody and everybody you know of or even know
02:08the name or face off? That stretches to at most a few, few thousand people. Am I right? Or
02:17do we have any mega influencers here? We don't have them, right? So a few thousand people.
02:25And what is the population of this planet? What's the population of this planet? Which is
02:32800 crore people. Now tell me how do you define your society and why must you be constrained
02:41by 800 when you have 800 crore options available? Look at the kind of opportunity you are utilizing.
02:55How many are our contacts? We said 800 approximately, right? And what's the population of the planet?
03:01800 crores. So the opportunity we are utilizing is one in a crore. Is that not a huge waste? To keep everybody but one away in a crore.
03:26You were given one crore options. But you stuck to just one of them and that one of them, even that one is not your choice.
03:38It is chance. The people you know of, how many of them are with you by your choice, your volition? Please tell me.
03:48Some of them, some of them you know because they happen to be your batch mate. Am I right?
03:54Some of them you know because they happened to be your schoolmates or they happen to be residing in a nearby locality.
04:02Some of them happen to be your relatives. Some of them are chance acquaintances. You happen to meet somebody in the metro or in the bus or in a fest. Right?
04:17And just because you happen to be that person, I know him. We exchange numbers.
04:22Somebody just happens to be your roommate in your hostel. You don't choose your roommate usually, do you?
04:29You are allotted rooms in the hostel. So even these 800 which are just 1 by 1 crore of the opportunity available to you are just random people who have by chance come to your life. Am I right? Mostly.
04:46Mostly. There would be some choices involved but please get the drift. We cannot be 100% accurate. We are trying to say something.
04:56Why can't we base our choice on freedom? Why can't we live by volition? Must be live by chance or choice? As young people, please tell me.
05:15Choice, right?
05:17Choice, right? And as youngsters of today, you like to be choosy. Don't you?
05:25Yes.
05:26We all like to be choosy. And it's a thing of pride to say I am choosy. And it must be a thing of pride to say I am choosy.
05:33But when it comes to the most important things in our life, we don't choose at all.
05:39For example, the society our friend is talking of.
05:43We don't choose our society. We simply say, oh, society is something foisted on us.
05:49In this age of virtual reality, empowered technology, why must you bear something that is by chance imposed on you?
06:04Please tell me. Is it necessary? Is it necessary to say that I belong to such and such family and such and such tradition and such and such religion?
06:14Therefore, I have to have such and such society. Is this a statement of empowerment?
06:20Please tell me. Because I am a Brahmin, so 60% of my friends are Brahmins. And that happens. Believe me. Even in this time and age, that happens.
06:32Because I am a girl, so 70% of my contact list is girls. Because I am a boy, so 90% of my contact list is girls.
06:43That has always happened. That does not belong to this time and age.
06:50Right?
06:52It's another matter that 50% of them have blocked me.
06:56Nevertheless, in my list they exist.
07:03Must we be slaves to our gender, our location, our past, our history, our religion, our geography?
07:13Our age? Is it necessary?
07:17I am asking, is it necessary?
07:18No.
07:20Don't tell me it's not practical. Just tell me, is it necessary?
07:24I don't get a resounding no.
07:26No.
07:27No.
07:28It's not necessary, right?
07:29We have one life.
07:31And we deserve to live it in freedom.
07:35We have, how many lives do you have?
07:38One.
07:39I have only one life.
07:40I don't know about you.
07:44I have just one.
07:46And every hour, I am reminded by the world I look at, that I do not know when the last hour may ring.
07:59When the bell may start tooling.
08:06No certainty, right?
08:07Or is there some certainty?
08:10You hear of youngsters collapsing in the gym out of cardiac arrest.
08:15The second and the third COVID waves were especially harsh on youngsters.
08:28Are you certain you have a lot of time?
08:32Or is this an unpleasant question?
08:35Or is this a question we should always keep in mind?
08:37Huh?
08:40Or should we just keep it aside as, no, no, no, scary.
08:43Don't think of it.
08:46If you have one life, why must you spend it in frustration, in bondage, in a feeling of helplessness?
08:59Is it necessary?
09:01Not at all.
09:03So pick, choose.
09:04And we have not yet come to dating.
09:06We will talk of that.
09:14Societies, now coming to dating.
09:17Societies follow their respective cultures.
09:22And let's define culture first thing.
09:26What is culture?
09:30Culture is just an accepted and traditionally transmitted way of behaving.
09:42There is nothing more to that.
09:45How do you identify the culture of a people or a place?
09:48You look at them, how they talk to each other.
09:52How they greet their elders.
09:54How they bless their juniors.
09:56How they eat.
09:57How they worship.
09:59How they erect their buildings.
10:04Right?
10:05What their architecture is like.
10:07How their roads are like.
10:09Are they punctual?
10:11Are they soft spoken?
10:13Are they loud?
10:14How do they behave with animals?
10:17How do they behave with men and women?
10:19How do they behave with foreigners?
10:22All that comes under cultures.
10:24And equally, what are their shared myths?
10:27What are the stories they believe in?
10:30What's their self-concept?
10:32All this is culture.
10:34Simply put, the culture of a place is evident in the behaviour of the people of that place.
10:40Nothing more than that.
10:41And culture is very, very fluid.
10:45When you say there is a society that does not approve of dating, you are referring to the culture of that society.
10:53Am I right?
10:55Right.
10:57Does that society have a frozen culture?
11:00In the sense that has the culture of that society remained the same over the last 50 or 100 years?
11:06Now, food habits, for example, are included in culture. Food is an important ingredient in culture.
11:13Were people eating pizza and pasta and chips 100 years back?
11:21Were they wearing the same kind of dresses 100 years back?
11:25And I am talking of even the most conservative of societies.
11:29Even the most conservative of societies keep changing as a culture.
11:35All cultures are fluid.
11:37And culture is supposed to be fluid.
11:40Culture has to change in light of advancements in science, technology, knowledge, empowerment, economy.
11:48As these things change, culture also changes.
11:53Culture is supposed to change.
11:56Culture does not deserve the kind of sacred and unchangeable respect and spot we provide to it.
12:05In India, it's a thing that has gained momentum in the last 10 years or so.
12:12We have started thinking of culture as sacred.
12:16Now, by definition, the sacred is something that cannot change.
12:21Truth is sacred because truth is unchangeable, right?
12:24But we have started believing as if culture has to be put in a temple and defied, worshipped by the deity.
12:37The deity of culture, Sanskriti.
12:41Culture is not all that important.
12:44Culture is something you are empowered to change as per the needs of development of your consciousness.
12:54What is important is truth.
12:56What is important is freedom.
12:58Freedom is central.
13:00Culture must follow freedom.
13:04If you want to assess the quality of culture of a place, the one question you must ask is,
13:11is the culture conducive to freedom?
13:14Because freedom is the highest goal.
13:15Socially, spiritually, individually, in every way, the highest goal of human life is freedom.
13:25Freedom.
13:27So, a culture is good if it protects and promotes freedom.
13:36Freedom.
13:37Freedom.
13:38And a culture deserves to be changed if it does not protect and promote freedom.
13:45Freedom is the benchmark.
13:49Freedom is the litmus test.
13:51Get it?
13:52Get it?
13:53So, people sticking to the dictates of their culture is something you need not take very seriously.
14:01Right?
14:03What are young people supposed to do if not meet each other?
14:06What's the alternative to dating, I ask?
14:11Arranged marriage?
14:12If people don't date, basically what we are saying is, there would be arranged marriages.
14:19Right?
14:20And don't we know of the horror of arranged marriages?
14:24I am not saying love marriages are any less horrible.
14:28But the horror of arranged relationships is special, very, very unique.
14:37If a young man and a young woman cannot meet as a man and woman, how are they ever going to strike a relationship?
14:51I am asking a very practical question.
14:52Please tell me.
14:54First of all, they have all the freedom to do that.
14:58Secondly, if you take away that freedom, what will happen to the most foundational of human relationships?
15:09The relationship between a man and a woman.
15:11How is that ever going to be formed?
15:16What's the answer?
15:18Papa and mummy will do that.
15:21Huh?
15:22And how dignified does it sound?
15:24Papa is dating the girl you want to marry.
15:30That's what arranged marriage is about.
15:32Right?
15:34The girl you ought to marry is meeting Papa.
15:41And Papa will then decide whether or not the girl can enter your house.
15:50Are you getting it?
15:51As a means of entertainment.
15:52Meet each other as Free individuals,
15:56as Free men and Free women.
15:58Free not only of external pressure but also internal Ego.
16:08Do not meet the other as someone to be exploited.
16:12do not meet the other as a means of entertainment
16:18meet the other as someone who would be helpful to you in your next steps through life
16:30and meet the other as someone you'd like to be with in a friendly way right fear is something
16:41that is that is the target of all religion all spirituality all wisdom freedom from fear is
16:52what spirituality ultimately wants you should not be afraid you should be free so first thing you
17:01should be free of the fear of society second thing you should be free of the tyranny of your own ego
17:09do not be mean when you date your lust should not be the driver when you date
17:20you're not using the other as a means for your entertainment and enjoyment when you date ensure
17:32that if that is okay then dating is something obvious smooth even desirable a boy can meet a boy
17:47a girl can meet a girl and a girl can meet a boy it's all okay it has to happen a society that does
17:54not allow that is a sick society equally an individual who meets another individual for
18:01all the wrong reasons is a sick individual not meeting is sick if you are not meeting because
18:07you are afraid, not meeting is sick if you are not meeting because you are afraid of
18:13the society. Equally meeting is sick if you are meeting the other to exploit the other.
18:23Meet the other, date the other but with the right intentions from the right centre. All
18:29is okay. Does that somehow answer? Thank you.
