Grandpa says teenagers must not date || Acharya Prashant, at Mithibai College, Mumbai (2022)

Acharya Prashant

‍♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant?  Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/enquir...    Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?  Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...   ~~~~~   Video Information: 10.12.22, Mithibai College, Mumbai   Context:  ~ Should teenagers not date?  ~ Should one always listen to society?  ~ Do we choose our friends?  ~ Why are teenagers not allowed to date?  ~ Are we a slave to society?  ~ How to ensure a good date?   Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~~~

Transcript

00:00Good afternoon, sir. I am Hiya Shah from FIJC Arts. So, sir, my question is, according to

00:09Indian society, it is not permissible for teenagers to date. So, what are your thoughts

00:14about it?

00:15Thank you for the question. Please sit.

00:26Thank you, sir.

00:27The society is not one thing, right? In one sense, we are born in a society, we get raised

00:40in a society. In another sense, as adults, we not only choose our society, but also build

00:49our society. That's what discretion is all about, right? That's what free will, free

00:56thought and free choice is all about. You are not condemned to live in one particular

01:06society that surrounds you purely by chance. How are you? There are multiple societies

01:19and if you cannot find a suitable society, come on, build one and be at the center of

01:26that creation. What do we call a society? Let us consider it, please. Probably a contact

01:35list. Probably a contact list in your phone. That's what a society is. Is that not? That's

01:42a fairly approximate but correct representation. That's what you call a society. Now, how long

01:47exactly is that contact list? How long? How many friends you have on Instagram or Facebook?

01:59A few thousands? You combine everything, put everything together, your contact list, your

02:03friends, your followers, anybody and everybody you know of or even know the name or face

02:10of that stretches to at most a few thousand people. Am I right? Or do we have any mega

02:20influencers here? We don't have them, right? So a few thousand people and what is the population

02:28of this planet? What's the population of this planet? Which is 800 crore people. Now tell

02:38me how do you define your society and why must you be constrained by 800 when you have

02:46800 crore options available? Look at the kind of opportunity you are utilizing. How many

02:57are our contacts? We said 800 approximately, right? And what's the population of the planet?

03:03800 crores. So the opportunity we are utilizing is one in a one in a crore. Is that not a huge

03:18waste to keep everybody but one away in a crore? You were given one crore options, but you stuck

03:33to just one of them and that one of them, even that one is not your choice. It is chance. The

03:42people you know of how many of them are with you by your choice, your volition, please tell me.

03:49Some of them, you know, because they happen to be your batchmate. Am I right? Some of them,

03:56you know, because they happened to be your schoolmates or they happen to be residing in

04:02a nearby locality. Some of them happen to be your relatives. Some of them are chance acquaintances

04:12you happen to meet somebody in the metro or in the bus or in a fest, right? And just because

04:19you happen to be that person, you know, I know him. We exchange numbers. Somebody just happens

04:25to be your roommate in your hostel. You don't choose your roommates usually, do you? You are

04:31allotted rooms in the hostel. So even these 800 which are just one by one crore of the opportunity

04:38available to you are just random people who have by chance come to your life. Am I right? Mostly,

04:47mostly. There would be some choices involved, but please get the drift. We cannot be 100%

04:52accurate. We are trying to say something. Why can't we base our choice on freedom? Why can't

05:04we live by volition? Must we live by chance or choice? As young people, please tell me. Choice,

05:19right? And as youngsters of today, you like to be choosy, don't you? We all like to be choosy.

05:29And it's a thing of pride to say I am choosy. And it must be a thing of pride to say I am choosy.

05:33But when it comes to the most important things in our life, we don't choose at all. For example,

05:41the society our friend is talking of. We don't choose our society. We simply say,

05:46oh, society is something foisted on us. In this age of virtual reality, empowered technology,

05:55why must you bear something that is by chance imposed on you? Please tell me. Is it necessary?

06:08Is it necessary to say that I belong to such and such family and such and such tradition and such

06:14and such religion? Therefore, I have to have such and such society. Is this a statement of empowerment?

06:20Please tell me. Because I am a Brahmin, so 60% of my friends are Brahmins. And that happens,

06:26believe me. Even in this time and age, that happens. Because I am a girl, so 70% of my

06:35contact list is girls. Because I am a boy, so 90% of my contact list is girls. That has always

06:45happened. That does not belong to this time and age. Right? It's another matter that 50% of them

06:54have blocked me. Nevertheless, in my list they exist. Must we be slaves to our gender, our

07:07location, our past, our history, our religion, our geography, our age? Is it necessary? I am asking,

07:18is it necessary? Don't tell me it's not practical. Just tell me, is it necessary? I don't get a

07:26resounding no. It's not necessary. Right? We have one life and we deserve to live it in freedom.

07:34We have, how many lives do you have? I have only one life. I don't know about you. I have just one.

07:46And every hour I am reminded by the world I look at that I do not know when the last hour may ring.

08:00When the bell may start tolling. No certainty. Right? Or is there some certainty? You hear of

08:11youngsters collapsing in the gym out of cardiac arrest. The second and the third COVID waves

08:23were especially harsh on youngsters. Are you certain you have a lot of time? Or is this an

08:34unpleasant question? Or is this a question we should always keep in mind? Or should we just

08:42keep it aside as, no, no, no, scary. Don't think of it. If you have one life, why must you spend it

08:52in frustration, in bondage, in a feeling of helplessness? Is it necessary? Not at all.

09:02So pick, choose and we have not yet come to dating. We'll talk of that.

09:08Societies, now coming to dating. Societies follow their respective cultures. And let's

09:25define culture first thing. What is culture? Culture is just an accepted and traditionally

09:37transmitted way of behaving. There's nothing more to that. How do you identify the culture

09:48of a people or a place? You look at them, how they talk to each other, how they greet their

09:53elders, how they bless their juniors, how they eat, how they worship, how they erect their

10:02buildings, right? What their architecture is like, how their roads are like. Are they punctual?

10:11Are they soft-spoken? Are they loud? How do they behave with animals? How do they behave with men

10:19and women? How do they behave with foreigners? All that comes under cultures. And equally,

10:26what are their shared myths? What are the stories they believe in? What's their self-concept? All

10:33this is culture. Simply put, the culture of a place is evident in the behavior of the people

10:40of that place, nothing more than that. And culture is very very fluid. When you say there is a

10:48society that does not approve of dating, you are referring to the culture of that society. Am I

10:54right? Right. Does that society have a frozen culture? In the sense that has the culture of

11:05that society remained the same over the last 50 or 100 years? Now food habits, for example, are

11:11included in culture. Food is an important ingredient in culture. Were people eating pizza and pasta and

11:20chips 100 years back? Were they wearing the same kind of dresses 100 years back? And I'm talking

11:27of even the most conservative of societies. Even the most conservative of societies keep changing

11:34as a culture. All cultures are fluid. And culture is supposed to be fluid. Culture has to change in

11:43light of advancements in science, technology, knowledge, empowerment, economy. As these things

11:52change, culture also changes. Culture is supposed to change. Culture does not deserve the kind of

12:01sacred and unchangeable respect and spot we provide to it. In India, it's a thing that has gained

12:10momentum in the last 10 years or so. We have started thinking of culture as sacred. Now by

12:18definition, the sacred is something that cannot change. Truth is sacred because truth is unchangeable,

12:25right? But we have started believing as if culture has to be put in a temple and defied, worshipped

12:36by the deity, the deity of culture, Sanskriti. Culture is not all that important. Culture is

12:45something you are empowered to change as per the needs of development of your consciousness. What

12:55is important is truth. What is important is freedom. Freedom is central. Culture must follow freedom.

13:03If you want to assess the quality of culture of a place, the one question you must ask is,

13:11is the culture conducive to freedom? Because freedom is the highest goal. Socially, spiritually,

13:20individually, in every way, the highest goal of human life is freedom. So a culture is good

13:30if it protects and promotes freedom. And a culture deserves to be changed if it does not protect and

13:44promote freedom. Freedom is the benchmark. Freedom is the litmus test. Getting it? So people sticking

13:56to the dictates of their culture is something you need not take very seriously. What are young

14:04people supposed to do if not meet each other? What's the alternative to dating I ask? Arranged

14:12marriage? If people don't date, basically what we are saying is there would be arranged marriages,

14:20right? And don't we know of the horror of arranged marriages? I'm not saying love marriages are any

14:27less horrible. But the horror of arranged relationships is special. Very, very unique.

14:38If a young man and a young woman cannot meet as a man and woman, how are they ever going to strike

14:51a relationship? I'm asking a very practical question. Please tell me. First of all, they

14:58have all the freedom to do that. Secondly, if you take away that freedom, what will happen to the

15:06most foundational of human relationships? The relationship between a man and a woman. How is

15:13that ever going to be formed? What's the answer? Papa and mummy will do that. And how dignified

15:24does it sound? Papa is dating the girl you want to marry. That's what arranged marriage is about,

15:33right? The girl you want to marry is meeting Papa. And Papa will then decide whether or not

15:44the girl can enter your house. Are you getting it? Meet each other as free individuals, as free men

15:58and free women. Free not only of external pressure but also internal ego. Do not meet the other as

16:11someone to be exploited. Do not meet the other as a means of entertainment. Meet the other as someone

16:25who would be helpful to you in your next steps through life. And meet the other as someone you'd

16:34like to be with in a friendly way. Right? Fear is something that is the target of all religion, all

16:48spirituality, all wisdom. Freedom from fear is what spirituality ultimately wants. You should not

16:57be afraid. You should be free. So first thing, you should be free of the fear of society. Second

17:06thing, you should be free of the tyranny of your own ego. Do not be mean when you date.

17:18Your lust should not be the driver when you date.

17:24You're not using the other as a means for your entertainment and enjoyment when you date.

17:32Ensure that. If that is okay, then dating is something obvious, smooth, even desirable.

17:47A boy can meet a boy, a girl can meet a girl and a girl can meet a boy. It's all okay. It has to

17:52happen. A society that does not allow that is a sick society. Equally an individual who meets

18:00another individual for all the wrong reasons is a sick individual. Not meeting is sick if you're

18:07not meeting because you're afraid. Not meeting is sick if you're not meeting because you're afraid

18:14of the society. Equally meeting is sick if you are meeting the other to exploit the other.

18:22Meet the other, date the other, but with the right intentions from the right center. All is okay.

18:31Does that somehow answer? Thank you.

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