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- 6/26/2025
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00:00I
00:22Go along the top now this one will probably go back on itself
00:26Three don't need to throw it. I'm here. Yeah, I had to swing it though. Yeah, no, but this I'm tall
00:31This is a big day this I'm new tractors hundred tractors a hundred tractors hundred tractors all for charity
00:38Do you go under the sunroof or no not through there?
00:43I'd much rather do this with my friends not you
00:48Everyone heard that didn't they did everyone heard that Christmas good cheer from Caleb Cooper
00:54I need a cable tie
00:56I've never known how they work. I'd be a useless policeman
01:01There you go. That's it. That's it. I could be a policeman say it
01:07Say the whole
01:09Yeah
01:11I wish you a hopeful Christmas
01:21I wish you a hopeful Christmas
01:36I wish you a brave new year
01:40All anguish, pain and sadness
01:45Leave your heart and let your road be clear
01:49They said there'd be snow at Christmas
01:53They said there'd be peace on earth
01:57Hallelujah, Noel, dear Hale and Hale
02:01Christmas weekend you deserve
02:04The annual Christmas trap to run
02:09heralded the start of the Yuletide festivities.
02:19And as everyone settled down in front
02:24of the Boxing Day telly in their snazzy new jumpers
02:28I didn't
02:30Normally I'd be thinking about
02:35which party shall I go to this evening
02:38and where shall I go tomorrow lunchtime
02:40All I'm doing now is thinking
02:42have the pigs got water
02:43have the cows got hay
02:45Morning pigs
02:49Ready for some food
02:51All right
02:51All right
02:53With dogs
02:54All right, out you go
02:56Out you go
02:57Feeling peckish
03:03I'm ready to eat
03:05and
03:06Oi, move out
03:09Come on
03:10Give you a bit here
03:12There we go
03:14And then
03:16Dog, get out
03:19Sansa
03:19Heel
03:20Heel
03:21How have you got in here?
03:24How did they get in?
03:28It's Christmas time
03:29Come on, wieners
03:32Come on, wieners
03:35Come on
03:36Food time
03:38Arya
03:39Sansa
03:39Heel
03:40Heel
03:40Come out, dogs
03:43Excellent
03:46Now then
03:48Come on
04:00Well done
04:02Come on
04:03I want to know how
04:08They can both do that
04:09They can both do that
04:09But they won't jump into the back of the Range Rover
04:11Come on, Sansa
04:12In
04:12Sansa
04:14Get in
04:15In
04:16Come on
04:17Get in
04:19Sansa
04:20In
04:21You are such a clown
04:24However
04:35While Christmas was busy
04:36I did manage to get away for a week in the new year
04:40Hello, piggies
04:44And when I returned
04:46Pig sitter Caleb had some surprising news
04:50How was holiday?
04:52Brilliant
04:52How's the pigs been?
04:54Yeah
04:54Been a bit of an interesting experience looking after them while you've been away
04:59What?
05:00We've got five piglets
05:01What?
05:02We've got five little piglets
05:04Piglets?
05:05Yeah, piglets
05:06Five
05:06All doing really well
05:07Well, how's that happened?
05:10I don't know
05:10They only got mated
05:12A month ago
05:14So she was pregnant when I bought her
05:16Yeah
05:17They were sold as empty
05:18Well, you've had a deal and a half then
05:21Because you've got five little piglets that you didn't know about
05:23Hello
05:24Oh, look
05:26Oh, they're adorable
05:29They're cute, aren't they?
05:31Well done, Mum
05:33Oh, look at you
05:36Look at you
05:38Oh, look
05:40Look
05:41Look
05:42Oh
05:44They're better than sheep, aren't they?
05:49Yes
05:49Yes
05:51Your mother's really not bothered, is she?
05:54Look at you
05:55Hello, you
05:57As they had sticky up ears
06:00It was quickly obvious the father hadn't been a pedigree sandy and black
06:05But whoever he was
06:07He'd produced some very brilliant offspring
06:10Somebody put them back down
06:12So they live in there for how long?
06:14They'll be in there for another
06:15Well, we'll move them into the other place, won't we?
06:17Well, yeah, we've got to get them out of your field and into the woods
06:20Yeah
06:20I do want to get them out of this field because it's bleak for them up here
06:24Oh, look at the really small one
06:27She is properly little
06:29You got them?
06:30Look at the micro pig
06:33It's nice and warm
06:36There's already a runt
06:38Oh, but she's just
06:39Look at her little nose
06:41It's like a proud parent
06:42Proud parent
06:44Sadly, this happy moment was short-lived
06:50Because the next day, a little runt piggy went missing
06:54And if you don't want to know what happened, put your fingers in your ears
07:00Now
07:01I just find it incredible that a pig won't eat an onion, but it will eat its own child
07:07I know
07:08The only thing they don't eat is teeth
07:11Well, there's no teeth in there
07:14There's just a bit of an ear
07:16That's all there was
07:19That's how I know it was eaten
07:21My first thought was it's been taken by a red kite or a buzzard or something
07:25But there's no way it could have got into the pig loop
07:28It's poorly anyway
07:29That's very sad
07:31I just hope it was dead before she ate it
07:33Ah, stop
07:34For now, though, we'd have to put the pig cannibalism to one side
07:42Because if Caleb was right and a piglet tsunami was on its way
07:47We'd have to get their new home built in the woods
07:50Sharpish
07:52We're going to have this fence here
07:54It's going to have a gate there, gate there, gate there
07:56It's 80 metres
07:57Yep
07:58So this one gate accesses that and that
08:00That one does that and that
08:04Put a new fence along there and up, which is easily done, yes
08:07Yep
08:08So we're going to measure around 80 metres, hang on
08:10That's perfect, isn't it?
08:14And Gerald can keep an eye on them
08:16Gerald, your lovely woodland view
08:19Nice southwesterly blowing
08:20Because Gerald's only...
08:23Gerald's house is not very far away
08:26He's going to have some pig hogs
08:29Oh, bless it
08:30Actually, talking of Gerald
08:32He had his up, didn't he?
08:34Yeah, he had his up three days ago
08:36Yeah, I rang...
08:37Have you talked to him?
08:38Yeah, I spoke to him two days ago
08:39I'm going to take him some pork
08:40He wants some belly pork
08:42So he must be feeling a little bit better
08:43And apparently...
08:45He seems happier now, actually
08:46No, the word is he's on the mend
08:48That's what we'd like to hear
08:50There's a few walls fell down
08:52So we need to be back at it
08:53I know, we do want him back
08:54With the plans agreed
08:57We had to start by trimming the overhead branches
09:00So they wouldn't get in our way
09:03And because this is a TV show
09:05That meant plenty of fuss from health and safety
09:09And then, to make sure you can't escape
09:19I can't do this
09:24Take it off
09:25What?
09:26I can't have it on
09:27You can't not have it on
09:29Because we're being filmed
09:31We're ready?
09:32Looking good
09:34Do you manage these, sir?
09:40Yeah
09:41I think we're done
09:46We're done
09:47There you go, princess
09:52Hey
09:53Shit, you alright?
09:59You alright?
10:00No, he forgot he was attached
10:04Oh, shit, you forgot you were attached
10:06Yeah
10:06Just come back a little bit, Kate
10:08You hit your head
10:08Just come back a little bit
10:09Oh, I need you down a little bit
10:12No, I'll do it
10:13I'll lift him up
10:13Just step up a little bit
10:15So, let's be brutally honest
10:17It was the health and safety equipment
10:19That has injured him
10:20Got a breeze coming up already
10:22I did exactly the same thing
10:23There you go
10:23Ty, yeah, you did it
10:25Yeah
10:25I think that we've got to get rid of all health and safety equipment
10:28Off the farm
10:28It's really injuring people
10:30Luckily, Caleb's skull was thicker than the cage it had hit
10:35So work continued
10:37Keep going, keep going, keep going
10:42Come up to me a little bit
10:47However, while building the new pig houses
10:54I was reminded that the woods were in urgent need of some maintenance
10:59And the main job, as I'd discovered back in the autumn
11:04Was repairing a rapidly collapsing dam
11:07This
11:09This is supposed to all be filled with gravel
11:12And the gravel has all been washed away
11:14There should be five railway sleepers there
11:19And then the water goes into the pipe
11:22And comes out there
11:24If I don't mend this
11:27When the rains start again
11:28This will all be washed away
11:30And the pond will go
11:31There'll be nowhere for the trout
11:33Or the kingfishers that live here
11:34The ducks that live here
11:36I've got to mend it
11:37I've got to mend it
11:38I've got to mend it
11:39However, I was now wise enough to know
11:53That before doing anything like this
11:55In a wooded environment full of mices and voles
11:59I'd need to consult with Mr. No-No-No himself
12:03Hi, Tom
12:06Morning, Jeremy
12:07How are you?
12:08I'm alright, yeah, good to see you
12:09You as well
12:10What, uh, dogs, come here
12:13Heel
12:13I just want to, I'm training them
12:16Hang on, sorry
12:16Well, I understand that you have some plans to do some works around
12:22Heel
12:22It's for Ipper Fetching Little Pond down here
12:24Sansa, how are you?
12:27Heel
12:27Are you planning to come down here
12:30My plan is, okay, here's what I want to do
12:33I just want to be able to get along here
12:34Because I've got to be able to mend that dam
12:36Okay
12:37Which is, as you can see, is broken
12:38Right
12:39Predictably, Tom's red flags were already out in force
12:43So, you've got some previous kind of evidence
12:47Here of having some crayfish
12:50Oh, there's, I think there's loads in here
12:53American ones
12:54Yep, yeah, North American signal
12:56Yep
12:56And they're the bad ones
12:58They are the bad ones, yep
12:59That have killed all our English ones
13:01Yep
13:01They're the grey squirrels of the crayfish world
13:04Yeah, effectively, yeah
13:05Is that right?
13:06They're the nastier
13:06How big are they?
13:08I've never seen one
13:0916 to 18 centimetres, like the bigger males
13:12What's that in English?
13:13Um
13:13They grew up to about this big
13:16What, they're like lobsters?
13:17Yeah, yeah, yeah
13:18You're going to see the aggressive males first
13:20How aggressive are they?
13:21Super aggressive
13:22They eat their own young
13:23Yeah, a lot of that going on at the moment
13:25Because I've been told there are crayfish in here
13:29And I was going to catch them
13:31Yeah
13:32And then sell them in the shop
13:33Yeah, you can't do that
13:35Yeah
13:35Prison sentences?
13:37Yeah, yeah, there's prison sentences to that
13:39And a fine
13:39Yeah
13:40I think it's about 2,500 quid
13:422,000
13:43So if I were to catch one of these crayfish
13:46Then I could be fined 2,500 pounds
13:48Yeah, yeah
13:48Potentially a prison term as well
13:50And possible prison
13:51Possible prison
13:52The scale of the situation
13:54Yeah
13:54Another problem you have
13:56Is I can see some evidence
13:57That some of the banks are eroded
13:59That's the biggest kind of issue
14:00Oh, they're eating the banks
14:02Yep
14:03With these crayfish burrowing into these banks
14:05Because they can burrow about two metres
14:07At water level back in, right?
14:09Yeah
14:09And then it can be quite a complex set of burrows
14:11That they've got
14:12If you're going to bring machinery down
14:14Yeah
14:15You need to be really careful
14:16How close you get to some of these banks
14:17Because they might just give way
14:19In case I squash an invasive crayfish
14:20Yeah, because you might end up
14:21With your machinery in the lake
14:22Which we don't want
14:23So
14:23I'd be highly cautious
14:26About doing anything around these banks
14:27How would you recommend
14:30I did this work?
14:32Like, my preference would be
14:33That a lot of this would be more manual
14:34Than heavy machinery
14:35To be honest
14:35That's the safest way of doing it
14:37With Tom's advice
14:41About not using heavy machinery
14:43Taken on board
14:45I set to work
14:46I set to work
14:47Oh, yeah
14:59We taught you through it
15:01Italian made
15:03Low centre of gravity
15:04Top speed
15:064 kilometres an hour
15:07That's
15:08Twice as fast as a snail
15:10Speed, though
15:14Was not its party trick
15:16Now, what Wally
15:18The radio-controlled
15:20Robo-mulcher does best
15:22Is clear away
15:24Absolutely everything
15:26In its path
15:28Holy moly
15:34What manner of thing
15:40Is this?
15:41Bloody hell fire
15:45This is a destroyer of worlds
15:50They could have had HS2 built
15:57In about 20 minutes
15:58If they'd had one of these
16:00Forward
16:03I can't even see
16:13What it's doing in there
16:14There's a whole new game
16:18This is
16:18When you can't see where it's gone
16:20You just
16:20Only use sound
16:22To hear what it's doing
16:23Oh, shit in hell
16:30Fuck
16:37So I've broken
16:40The one bit of dam
16:41That remained
16:42Shit
16:44However
16:47Despite the terrible damage
16:50I've caused over there
16:51I have
16:52Ow
16:53Blinded myself
16:58But apart from the light blinding
17:01And the damaged dam
17:02I have finally
17:03After two or three years
17:05Opened up this dam again
17:07So we can effect a repair
17:09Caleb then joined me
17:15To get the ball rolling
17:17And to begin with
17:19Everything went swimmingly
17:21Years
17:22We dug through the subsoil
17:24To get at the farm's
17:25Seemingly limitless supply
17:27Of waterproof clay
17:28Juicy clay
17:30Which we'd use
17:34To create the dam
17:35Go on
17:38Keep going
17:39We then took the old pipe out
17:41Stop
17:42Gravity
17:45Easy transportation
17:46And manoeuvred the new pipe
17:50Into place
17:51Keep going that way
17:52Yay, look at that
17:55That's bang on
17:56But from that moment on
17:59The arguing started
18:00Because when it came to dam building
18:02We both knew best
18:05Look, you see how it's sat in the channel
18:06We've just got to fill clay in there now, haven't we?
18:09No
18:09You're going to have to lift this up
18:12But it isn't just a little bit
18:14It's a precise measurement
18:15We've just got to lift this up a little bit with the clay
18:17We can do that by hand though
18:18No
18:19And then bed it with clay
18:20Yes, but you say a little bit
18:22But not like a little bit
18:24I'm talking about that much higher
18:25You don't want to be that much?
18:27It will
18:27I reckon that much
18:29No, that's wrong
18:30You're wrong
18:31When we get the right height, Caleb
18:33Honestly, take that out
18:34Please, please listen
18:36Please
18:37The bottom of this has to be an inch below the level of the overflow pipe
18:42Yes
18:43I don't know how to do it, but you just keep shutting me down
18:48To settle the dispute
18:50We installed a laser measuring device
18:53And after that
18:54We started building a temporary dam
18:57To create a dry working area for the proper dam
19:01Which is when the squabbling got worse
19:05No, please, no, leave those, leave those
19:08We're going to need them to build on top of
19:10Yeah, we're going to do it there, look
19:11No, please don't
19:12Please stop interfering
19:13So sensitive all the time
19:16Thank you
19:18How many more do you need?
19:34Don't touch the laser
19:36Don't touch the laser thing
19:37Good God's truth
19:40Oh, no, don't hit the laser
19:42Oh, for fuck's sake
19:46I've never seen incompetence like it
19:52Why didn't I do
19:57Oh
19:57Oh, God
20:00Right
20:02Can you put it on crab steer?
20:06Yeah, yeah, yeah
20:07At the minute you've got the wheels doing that
20:09You want to get them all turning the same way
20:11Yeah
20:12That's not crab steer
20:17You're not in crab steer
20:20No, Caleb, stop it
20:21You've got to get it in crab steer
20:23Don't move it until you get it in crab steer
20:26It's in crab steer
20:29But I cannot turn the steering wheel
20:33Watch
20:33Please put it in crab steer
20:39It's in crab steer
20:42I just cannot move
20:43No, you have to turn the steering wheel to lock it into crab steer
20:46Jesus Christ
20:54You're going to have to get a chance to unlock that branch off
20:57Don't worry, Caleb
21:02I'm on my way to rescue you
21:04From your own incompetence
21:06Where would he go?
21:08Where would he go?
21:09Here?
21:10The knuckle
21:11No
21:12At the knuckle
21:13Here
21:15You hit me here!
21:25What?
21:26You meant they cut from the bottom?
21:28Oh, fuck you!
21:41You knew that was going to happen
21:44That wasn't funny
21:45I told you to go round that side and cut
21:48I didn't do fuck all
21:49You cut down the bottom
21:50You spent all morning throwing fucking rocks at me
21:52Oh
21:53And now
21:54Hello
21:55Hello
21:56The tree landed on my bloody head
21:59Hi
22:00What's going on?
22:01Oh, he's being a fucking fetus is what's going on
22:04You honestly didn't come from him with a chainsaw
22:06You cut from the bottom because it was pinching
22:09It pinched onto my head
22:11No, it pinched the chainsaw blade
22:13Anyway, Charlie, don't talk to him
22:14Oh, it's fucking bullshit
22:16What are we doing anyway?
22:18Ah, well, now I can explain that
22:20You'll be pleased
22:25Behold
22:26Are you repairing the dam?
22:28Yes
22:29The pipe that was in there was all brokered
22:32So we've got that out
22:33We've got some clay
22:35To create a temporary dam
22:37While we build the proper dam
22:39Okay
22:40But then
22:41The fetus
22:42Who's only been driving for a few minutes
22:44Has managed to
22:45Drop the telehandler off the track
22:47Yeah, that's
22:48And then he went against the tree branch
22:50Which I had to cut off
22:51And he thought it would be humorous
22:53If I was cutting near the knuckle
22:55Because he could see from the cab
22:56Ah
22:57That it would push it round
22:58And knock me over
22:59With a running chainsaw
23:00And he thought that was a
23:01That's untrue
23:02Yes, it's true
23:03No, it's not
23:04It is
23:05You were using a chainsaw?
23:06Yes
23:07Like that?
23:08Well, I had a hat on
23:09Fucking bullshit
23:10Safety trousers
23:11Jeans
23:12You could have cut your leg off
23:13Well, I could have done exactly
23:14But I wouldn't have done
23:15If it weren't for Caleb
23:16You're gonna have to seriously reprimand him
23:18Well, I know
23:19I'm reprimanding you for not wearing any
23:20I was wearing
23:21I was wearing
23:22I was a head advisor
23:23Yeah, and then you slip
23:24I mean, what is it?
23:25I did slip
23:26What's the weather?
23:27But anyway, luckily, that didn't happen
23:29And why are we doing it?
23:30I mean, I'm flabbergasted at how you just
23:36How long has this taken to create this mess?
23:38You are mending, fixing, repairing
23:43Yes
23:44A dam
23:45Yes
23:46That is protecting, holding back water
23:48And if this goes wrong
23:50Which there is a likelihood that it will
23:53No offence
23:54Straight down there, down the east end
23:56The only part of Channington that actually
23:58Brookend
23:59Quite likes you
24:00Yeah
24:01You're gonna flood
24:02And you haven't notified anybody
24:05It's a statutory requirement to notify the local authority
24:08You've got to notify the West Oxford District Council
24:11How did you get on with them at the moment?
24:12Well, they're gonna say no, aren't they?
24:13Well, they are gonna say no
24:14Because they're gonna say
24:15What precautions have you taken to stop flood risk?
24:19None
24:20Whatsoever
24:27I've still got a chainsaw
24:28If you had to use it right, you'd be fine
24:30Actually, it's a good job I've come
24:33I'm gonna speak the term again
24:35Stupid man
24:36Oh, and the other thing
24:37So
24:38Oh, go on then
24:39No, no, no, no, no
24:40How are we gonna rectify this mess?
24:42What mess?
24:43This
24:44Look, you've chucked all the...
24:46I mean, how are you gonna get that out?
24:47You've just dumped rubbish in a watercourse
24:49Do you...
24:50What is that?
24:51Any asbestos in there?
24:52No
24:53Well, that brick rubble
24:55That was already in there
24:56Just blocking the...
24:57Don't shout at me, shout at him
24:59No, it's both of you
25:00No, it's not me
25:01Well, you're here
25:02Well, you put the digger in
25:03Because I get employed by him to do it
25:04You're aiding and abetting him
25:06I didn't do anything
25:07He's farm manager
25:08Sorry, it goes
25:09The blame goes to me
25:10Well, who was driving it?
25:11You were
25:12I did...
25:13Charlie, I said
25:14I don't think this is a good idea
25:15To bring this down here
25:16It's not
25:17It wasn't a good idea
25:18It wasn't a good idea
25:19It wasn't a good idea
25:28We decided after all this to stop dam work until the ground was less muddy
25:34And went back to installing the new fully insulated pigloos
25:39And when that was done, it was time to move in the new residents
25:44Right, let's get them back
25:46Is that...?
25:48No!
25:49No!
25:50No!
25:51No!
25:52No!
25:53That's quite loud
25:54Come on, pigs
25:55Come on, piggies
25:56Come on, piggies
25:59Yep
26:05Go, go, go
26:06Go, go, go
26:07Come on
26:08There you go
26:10Piggies!
26:12Look at this
26:13A whole pig city
26:15Woodland pigs
26:17Hey, boys
26:18Look, they're snuffling around
26:19Have they started truffling already?
26:20Yes, look
26:21Look
26:23Oh, look at their little faces
26:26I've got to be honest
26:27They look happier here than they did in there
26:29I feel happier here looking at them
26:30I do
26:31With the pigs settling into their new woodland home
26:38Caleb could have their old field back
26:40So he could use it to make money for his side of the operation
26:45I'm gonna clear this up and I'm gonna plant grass
26:49What?
26:50I'm gonna plant grass in here
26:51Make hay
26:52Oh, hay
26:53Yeah
26:54Is hay really a good idea?
26:56I think so
26:57Three cuts
26:59Get 200 pound a ton
27:02So I'm gonna small bale it
27:03And we're gonna sell them for seven quid a bale
27:04To all the people moving out of London
27:07Who then get horses
27:08Exactly
27:09So he's moved up
27:10Joe Wicks has moved up here
27:11I don't know who that is
27:12I don't know who that is
27:13You can introduce me to them all
27:15Look at that for a business plan
27:17Made me happier already
27:18Yeah, but what the ladies and gentlemen are doing now
27:20Is shitting themselves laughing at the notion that I know Joe Wicks
27:24Yeah, but I don't know
27:25He's that fitness man in Covid
27:27And he did those exercises online
27:29And everybody started watching him
27:30Anyway, he's moved up here
27:32We've got Cowell
27:33We've got Beckham
27:34Natalie Imbruglia
27:36We've got Amanda Holden
27:38We can sell hay to their horses
27:40Trust me
27:44Leaving Caleb to prep his field
27:46I turned my attention back to the enforcement notice
27:50Charlie had now submitted our appeal
27:53And I had my fingers crossed that the farm shop at least could stay open
27:58As it was the only way that my farming the unfarmed projects
28:03Could ever make money
28:04So I'm actually 8,230 pounds up
28:09To make sure we had a case
28:11The shop had to be squeaky clean
28:14Which meant everything for sale in there had to have come from inside
28:19A council imposed 16 mile radius
28:23We all understood that
28:26Except Lisa
28:28Lisa has a rather Irish attitude to rules and regulations
28:33Yeah
28:34I went in there the other day whilst it was closed after hours
28:37Under the counter
28:39Everything
28:41Red handed
28:42If you want any of the products that you and I have put a moratorium on selling
28:46No, because we keep saying to her
28:47You can't sell this
28:48And you can't
28:49And she can't
28:51She literally can't see why
28:52So here is a planning enforcement notice
28:56If you don't comply you get prosecuted
28:57Correct
28:58It's not like a civil thing
28:59And I keep saying to Lisa
29:01If you carry on selling stuff
29:03That is in breach of this enforcement notice
29:06We, well it'll be me in the Daily Mail
29:08But we will be fined
29:10And I, so if you could
29:11Have a
29:13I mean I talk to her
29:14Oh it'll be alright
29:16Which is lovely
29:17I mean I'd love to live in Ireland
29:18Because I think a country functions better if you have that
29:20So you'd like me to do
29:21Just
29:23You know sometimes you're quite firm with me
29:26Could you be that firm with Lisa and say
29:28Lisa you have got to take out all this illegal stuff
29:34Hmm
29:42Hi Charlie
29:44We're under the spotlight
29:46Properly
29:47Yeah
29:48Quite a lot of it is directed at the farm shop as well
29:51And I know we've had discussions over the past few months about what you can and can't sell
29:57Yeah
29:58And we've done the potato thing which has gone brilliantly
30:00Yes it has
30:01Everyone loves it
30:03So, but you've got prices now on the
30:05I have, yeah
30:06We can't do that
30:07We, we really, you can't sell them
30:09Yes
30:10You cannot sell them
30:12Yeah
30:13We can't give them any more ammunition
30:15So anything, anything that is 16 miles away
30:20Yeah
30:21Must go
30:23I mean as much as I want to respect government councils and everything else
30:28At what stage do you just really struggle with trying to respect what they're doing
30:35Because there could be, like I'm not trading arms here, it's just a farm shop
30:40I'll come out for that, where's the monopoly from?
30:42I can't sell Monopoly, look diddly-scotch
30:45Yeah, I know, but it's made in
30:47Well, it's like the book
30:48China
30:49We can't sell the book
30:50We can't sell the book here
30:51I mean, we have to follow the rules
30:53If we don't follow the rules, you could actually end up with a criminal conviction
30:58Which is ridiculous, I understand that
31:00Because all we're doing is selling some amazing farm produce
31:04You know, oils, chutneys, marmal
31:08We don't even grow oranges
31:15That's old stock from last year
31:19It doesn't matter whether it's old stock, it's
31:21So they would prefer that I waste it
31:23South Somerset
31:25It's not 16 miles, it's not within our 16 miles
31:28No, the longer I look, the worse it becomes, isn't it?
31:31Handkerchiefs
31:33They look quite Italian to me
31:35Were they embroidered locally?
31:37No
31:38Lisa, we've really
31:40Charlie, I understand, I understand
31:41I just, I find it really difficult that everything we do
31:45It doesn't make any difference, it's still no
31:47But we are fighting, you know, people who are not being rational
31:51About the objective, you know, position of this farm
31:55All we're wanting to do is sell some local produce
31:58Which is what we're allowed to do
32:00From a shop that we have permission in
32:02When we challenge them, which we are doing on the planning
32:06We can then say, this is ridiculous, let's get a car park in
32:10I know it's frustrating, lots of rules in life are frustrating
32:15But these we must follow just for now
32:19So, in no particular order, marmalade, book, presumably socks
32:25No
32:26Yes
32:27Monopoly
32:28Handkerchiefs
32:33Did you manage to get across to her the importance of not selling
32:37I did see produce coming out of the shop before I left
32:41Books, particularly, Monopoly
32:44So there's the, yes, I think actually, I think we've got the message through
32:49Right, she's not here
32:51I'll bet you any money she's loading her car up with all the stuff she took out this morning
32:55And is putting it back
32:58Hmm
33:01Praying that Charlie had got through to Lisa, I got back to my winter jobs
33:08Which alternated between tedious
33:19Delicious snack for you, sheeps
33:25Oh, for fuck's sake
33:28And unbelievably rewarding
33:32Oh, yeah
33:35Mincing
33:38Minced
33:41In addition, there was another winter task that I decided was worth doing
33:50My job today is to try and save the life of this willow tree, which amazingly, even though it's fallen over, isn't dead
33:59Obviously, to do this, I needed some help, so I called Rupert, the local tree expert
34:09What's the plan, then, to make it come back up again?
34:13We're going to pollard it right low
34:15We're going to take off all the weight at the top of the willow, so hopefully
34:18And that's pollarding?
34:19It's pollarding, it's going to maintain the tree, make it last longer
34:2215 years or so
34:23But there's no roots
34:25How's it going to put roots down?
34:26They'll come back
34:27Will they?
34:28Yeah, yeah
34:29After Rupert had used his hydraulic secateurs to prune the tree of excess weight
34:44Bloody flat I've locked in there
34:55We joined forces like the Cotswold Thunderbirds
34:58With me and a rented bobcat pulling a cable attached to the tree
35:04And Rupert using his JCB to provide extra leverage
35:10If we can get this tree upright, it'll be a miracle
35:14If we get it upright and it survives
35:18He's going to say I'll go to church
35:21Won't do that
35:23Okay, Jeremy, if you can drive forward
35:26Full power
35:28The plug
35:50Huh?
35:53I'm guessing, from the wheelspin, we're not making the tree become vertical.
36:08Just waiting for the cable to snap and slide through the cab,
36:12severing my abdomen.
36:16With the willow still stubbornly horizontal,
36:19I decided to deploy my chainsaw skills on its remaining branches.
36:28Then Rupert tried to pull the tree up on his lonesome.
36:35Here he comes. Here he comes!
36:42Here he is!
36:46Is he gonna fall straight over again?
36:49Is he gonna go up right or...?
36:53Tree is up!
36:59That's just brilliant.
37:02Pretty well, thanks for that.
37:04It's good.
37:05And honestly, you'd never know we'd had a digger in here,
37:07or any machinery at all.
37:09Please, God, don't let Charlie Island down here for at least six months.
37:24February was now upon us.
37:25And with the pigs enjoying their new woodland home and my winter jobs mainly done,
37:43I went off to do some filming for the grand tour.
37:47And while I was gone, one of the pointy-eared mongrel piglets fell ill.
37:56So Lisa called in Dilwin the vet.
38:01So, he's got blue ears.
38:04He's been shivering a bit.
38:06He's a bit unsteady on his legs.
38:08You can see his belly's quite, uh, quite empty.
38:10So he hasn't been suckling his mother.
38:13What's the blue ears?
38:15The blue ears is he's probably got a bit of septicemia,
38:18which is basically...
38:20He's in shock a little bit because he...
38:22He's probably got a bug floating around in his blood.
38:26I'll take him back. I'll put the heater on in the car.
38:28Yeah.
38:30I'll take it back.
38:31I'll keep you posted.
38:33Lisa then insisted that Dilwin give the piglet the full five-star Platinum Plus treatment.
38:44So that's the pump.
38:46And that...
38:47And that actually warms up the fluids going into him.
38:50So basically, we're trying to get his...
38:52Warm up his blood.
38:54We're warming up his body.
38:56And, uh, this is trying to correct his dehydration, really.
39:00So, yeah, we'll see how we get on.
39:03PHONE RINGS
39:10I returned a week later and got straight back into more pig jobs.
39:15Right.
39:17Home time.
39:19The first of which was to return Ajax,
39:22the boar I'd rented to impregnate the lady pigs.
39:26Aw, he must be so looking forward to going back to some friends.
39:29Do you know how much it cost?
39:32How much we had to pay?
39:34For each successful shag he had is 50 quid.
39:38We have to pay his pimp at Avis, from whom we rented him.
39:42Yeah. 50 quid. And so he's done five?
39:45Four. Four.
39:46That's 80 quid.
39:47No, it's 200.
39:49While we're on the subject of money, Lisa, you know when I was away...
39:53Mm-hm.
39:55...and that piglet was ill?
39:57Yes.
39:58You sent it to the vet.
39:59I did.
40:01That's the vet bill.
40:05God, the mighty. Anna died.
40:07Feeding tube.
40:08Aw, colostrum, they had to put the feeding tube down.
40:11No, no, never mind what they did.
40:13What's that say? 673 pounds.
40:18Gone.
40:20I just let them die.
40:21What do you do? I don't know what you do, actually.
40:22Put that one down when it was like that.
40:23Say goodbye.
40:24Well, I didn't know, and everyone was away.
40:26673 pounds and 40 pence.
40:28They really tried to keep it alive then, didn't they?
40:30Yes, they did.
40:31Post-mortem.
40:32Yes.
40:33That's a bit flush.
40:34Who asked for a post-mortem?
40:35Have you got that picture of it?
40:36So here's one picture, look.
40:37That's at the vet nurse's house,
40:39because they had to take it home for the night.
40:41Oh.
40:42Well, she was getting paid all night to look after that pig.
40:44She was in the...
40:45Look at the little thing on his ear like a...
40:46Aw, he looks over there.
40:47We're farmers.
40:48I know, I...
40:49I mean, I like the piglets, but...
40:50I'll eat it myself in future.
40:52673 pounds.
40:53That's bad.
40:54That's...
40:55That's a lot.
40:56Well, now that we've done a post-mortem, why did it die?
40:59Let's bring that gate.
41:00Erm, it had a heart defect.
41:01Well, who is to know?
41:03Well, we do now, because we've spent 673 pounds.
41:07Come on, then.
41:12The extravagance was all the more annoying,
41:15because it was now time to see how Caleb and I were doing
41:18in our competition.
41:20So, we've got to add another 1,800 quid to that.
41:23Caleb was still massively in the red.
41:26Sure.
41:27But now the pigs were here, my outgoings were also on the rise.
41:34So, you're at £98,500.
41:36You've spent so far and made nothing.
41:41Don't you worry about me.
41:42Let's worry about you.
41:43That pig.
41:44Well, now we've got the pig bill.
41:45Yeah.
41:46£673.40.
41:47Yeah.
41:48Lisa has screwed me on this one, I'll grant you.
41:50Yeah.
41:51Another one coming.
41:52Another one what?
41:53I've got loads more.
41:54I've got loads of bills here for you.
41:55What?
41:56So, that machine you hire that you're obsessed with?
41:58It is my emotional support machine.
42:00Like an emotional support dog.
42:02I'm going to take it on planes with me on holiday.
42:04It can have its own seat.
42:06Well, how much was it?
42:07£1,050.
42:09But I think that can be cancelled out by how happy it makes me.
42:12No, it definitely cannot.
42:13What does it make?
42:14Does it keep me out of your hair?
42:16Yeah, it does.
42:17I like you the machine, don't get me wrong.
42:18Because of the simple reason you're nowhere near me.
42:20Yeah.
42:21Did you have someone come down with a digger and do some...
42:24Remove a tree?
42:25No, no, we put a tree back up.
42:26Okie dokie.
42:27Well, that is a total of £3,090.
42:33Just there, I thought it was you.
42:34Put it there.
42:35£3,090?
42:36Yeah.
42:37What else have you got?
42:38There's a pig food.
42:39Oh, oh, oh.
42:41£2,952.
42:44Have they been going to the Savoy?
42:47And then you had...
42:48Oh, stop saying things.
42:50What?
42:51Hire the boar.
42:52Boar hire.
42:53£200.
42:54This mountain of bills meant that my profits of £413
43:00had been turned into a loss of nearly £8,000.
43:07Shit.
43:11Go on, pigs.
43:12However, in a bittersweet way, I was about to start seeing a return on my investment.
43:17Come on.
43:18Go on, Ed.
43:19As it was time to take the first batch of pigs to the slaughterhouse.
43:23Going for an exciting car ride.
43:25Come on.
43:26However, since the abattoir was more than 40 miles away
43:30and I didn't have a licence to transport them that far,
43:33the government's pig police said I must be accompanied by Michaela,
43:37a local breeder.
43:39Oh, no, I've got guilt.
43:50You should feel sad when they go to the abattoir.
43:52It means you've cared about your animals.
43:54I do care about them.
43:55Yeah.
43:56You've got to eat them to save them.
43:58That enables the survival of the breed.
44:04You can't keep them all alive.
44:06Well, that's what I've always said about pandas.
44:09If you want to save the giant panda, start eating it.
44:13Do you know, for every middle white pig in the world,
44:17there are three giant pandas.
44:19Middle white pork, you can't beat it.
44:22It's better than sex.
44:24Right.
44:26With anyone.
44:27Even Ewan McGregor.
44:29Yeah.
44:30I'm not sure Ewan's going to be very pleased to hear that.
44:33Ha!
44:45Right.
44:46Okey-doke.
44:47Seven?
44:48All seven there?
44:49Yeah.
44:50Come on.
44:51Out you go.
44:53I've really enjoyed keeping pigs.
44:55They've not escaped once.
44:57I do like pigs.
44:58I love them.
44:59If you want then, pigs.
45:00There we go.
45:05They're nice pigs, actually.
45:06These stronger ones you'll be having for bacon and sausages,
45:08I'd have thought.
45:11I'm assuming you want everything, the butterer want everything,
45:14everything back, by the squeal.
45:17Oh, don't.
45:18Sorry.
45:19Every time you go to an abattoir,
45:21it's your cruel abattoir humour.
45:27Bye, pigs.
45:31As usual, I was sad as I drove away.
45:35But this time, at least, I'd behaved more like a farmer.
45:39Not had any unmanly moments.
45:43However, that was all about to change because an avalanche of heartache was heading my way.
45:58Oh, my God, they're so far up.
46:01One of them is as weak as hell.
46:02This is why you're losing so many piglets.
46:04This is why you're losing so many piglets.
46:05I was trying to figure out how many piglets are going to be.
46:06But I'm not sure, you're losing so many piglets.
46:07I've been so sorry.
46:08I'm not sure.
46:09You're losing so many pigs.
46:10You're losing so many pigs in the world.
46:11Like a pig, how are you?
46:12I know.
46:13I can't do that.
46:14I've been so sorry.
46:15I've been so sorry.
46:16I've been so sorry.
46:17I can't do that.
46:18I can't do that.
46:19I can't do that.
46:20You're losing a pig.
46:21Transcription by CastingWords
46:51Transcription by CastingWords
47:21Transcription by CastingWords
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