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Cinema Series US Film
  • 5/23/2025
Taskmaster Season 19 Episode 4
Taskmaster S19E04
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Fun
Transcript
00:00This was a mistake.
00:04Shut up!
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:38Hello! I am Greg Davies.
00:41Welcome once more to Taskmaster.
00:43We honour the score, five trophy-hungry comedians
00:47rip open some medieval envelopes
00:49and then run around having a breakdown,
00:51which I mark out of five.
00:53I'm a dreamer, and one day,
00:55those cowards at Channel 4 will take
00:58But for now, regrettably,
01:01it's only their careers that are in danger.
01:04Their names...
01:21And next to me, a man who wrote under a pseudonym
01:24for his local paper, saying that he thinks
01:27disabled access regulations in shops
01:29are political correctness gone mad.
01:32In the Cheshire Gazette, he's Dr Stephen Morris,
01:35but we know him...
01:38as Little Alex Paul!
01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:45Hi, Greg.
01:47I've created something just for you. OK.
01:49I've been working with the National Highways.
01:51I know you love driving.
01:54I know you're good at it.
01:56I've come up with some new road signs.
01:58It's to help everyone, really.
02:00You know sometimes it's got a lot of flies.
02:03Let's see you drive more carefully.
02:05Oh, gosh.
02:07OK, there's one. Quite a lot of these.
02:09This is quiet zone on the road, just...
02:12How many of these are there?
02:14We're halfway.
02:16So this is a little section of the road
02:18which is back to the flies, really.
02:20Don't open your windows, open your mouth,
02:22OK, this one's for outside our house.
02:24Just drive more carefully.
02:28A little smile was a little smile.
02:32That's a good one.
02:34It's a very clever technique of lowering the comedic bar so low
02:38that just the slightest hint of a joke gets something.
02:42I know what I'm doing.
02:44Right, let's crack on with the prize task.
02:46Oh, boring, not really, because I love the prize task.
02:50And this time the category is
02:52The Thing That Least Suits Its Name
02:54If You Shout It Loudly While We're All Looking At It On The Screen.
02:57Whoa!
02:59Oh, no, Greg, we're not running out of ideas.
03:01And, yes, Greg,
03:03you will give five points to the thing you think least suits its name
03:07when shouted loudly while we're all looking at it on the screen.
03:10And that is horn over and out.
03:12Right, Jason.
03:14What thing have you brought in that doesn't suit its name
03:16when it's shouted?
03:18Will we show it and have the audience shout it
03:20immediately upon its arrival on screen?
03:23If that's what you'd like. This is your moment.
03:25That's what we're going to do.
03:27So this is an album that I brought you by a great, wonderful band.
03:30Can we throw it up now, Alex?
03:32Fanny!
03:36Now, where I come from, Fanny is a tush, it's a bum, right?
03:39But here I've been told it's not.
03:42And that it's quite rude.
03:44What have you been told it is here?
03:46It's a front bum. Oh!
03:48That's what I call mine.
03:50I've never heard anyone call it a front bum, except my mum.
03:53Oh, I call it that because your mum calls it that.
04:02I'm just happy she's getting laid.
04:05Great start. OK.
04:07Who's next? Certainly Stevie.
04:09I suppose the same. We just put it up and everyone shouts it.
04:12Show it, show it.
04:15It's got cock in it.
04:19Shall we discuss this or shall we just move on to whoever's got tits?
04:24We call this a birdie.
04:26That's just as weird as shuttlecock.
04:28Well, let's find out. Just shout birdie at it for me.
04:32I think that's better than a shuttlecock. I think it is.
04:34This is strong. It does not look like a shuttlecock.
04:37Matthew. I'm going to shout this cos people might mistake it.
04:41So what have you brought in, Matthew?
04:44Mummy!
04:53You've been raiding the old tombs again, haven't you?
04:56Like our forefathers before us.
04:59I thought, grab it, bring it back to Britain.
05:01Why not? Elgin Mark Two.
05:03Rosie.
05:05I have brought with me...
05:07..a lion!
05:09Oh!
05:11El-Wy-Ori. El-Wy-Ori.
05:13Lion!
05:15And I feel like that's not the first time you've shouted that at someone.
05:19I'm a bit thrown by these cos normally they all bring such terrible ones in.
05:23And that is quite good.
05:25Oh, Fatia.
05:28Is it OK if we do the thing where...?
05:30But you'd like the audience to shout your ones? Please, yeah.
05:32OK, so Fatia's brought in this.
05:34Broom!
05:36I've brought in a broom because what is a broom?
05:38Like, that's a sweeper, innit?
05:41The name doesn't do what it says.
05:43Like, a cooker cooks.
05:45What would you call a car?
05:46Are you saying a car should be called a broom cos it goes broom?
05:51It's actually called an automobile,
05:53but we call it car because it's after Alan Carr.
06:02She had faith in that sentence all the way.
06:06A car should be called an automobile.
06:08It is called an automobile.
06:10Because it...?
06:11It's mobile, but it's automatically mobile.
06:14That's why it's called that.
06:15What do you call a chair?
06:17Listen, brah!
06:20I don't know if she's got a point or if it's just absolute madness.
06:24I don't...
06:26I'm going to give Fanny one point because I don't mind it.
06:28I don't mind it. OK, one point to Jason.
06:30I mean, Matt's very clever because you could shout mummy
06:32in such a way that it does suit it,
06:34but he shouted it in a sort of I've wet my pants way.
06:37Daisy, broom, three points, and you can thank me for it.
06:41Lyre, what a beautiful instrument that is.
06:43So, four points to lyre, five points to shuttlecock.
06:46Well done, Stevie.
06:51I would very much like a task popper, please, young man.
06:54OK, well, what are your two favourite things, Greg?
06:57Mannequins and wetsuits.
06:59Oh, bingo!
07:07MUSIC
07:16Jason. Alex.
07:18You've got lovely wrists.
07:20Do you mind giving me your wrist?
07:22Which one?
07:26It just finishes it off, doesn't it?
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30All right. Ready? Yes.
07:33I wear most wetsuits on mannequins.
07:37The mannequins must be wearing their wetsuits properly.
07:41Also, you must tiptoe throughout.
07:43And put your finger on your lips
07:45and say shh at least once every 20 seconds.
07:49You have 15 minutes.
07:51And you're going to give me the buzz for that 20 seconds?
07:54Yeah, just a very small electric shock.
07:56OK.
07:57It seems cruel, but OK.
08:00That'll buzz every 20 seconds to remind you to shh.
08:08OK, your time starts now.
08:10Tiptoe, please.
08:11Oh!
08:16Pretty straightforward game, I would say.
08:18But before we start,
08:20who would like to see Matthew adopt his tiptoe position?
08:23LAUGHTER
08:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:30BUZZER
08:35Wonderful.
08:36The toxic masculinity coming off you is disgusting.
08:40Right.
08:41I'm going to start by showing you three people, including Matthew,
08:44trying to put wetsuits on mannequins whilst shushing.
08:47And those people are Manzoukas, Elgory and, of course, Bainton.
08:51Where are the mannequins? Tiptoe, please.
08:55Where are the mannequins?
09:00BUZZER
09:05BUZZER
09:10Have you found a wetsuit?
09:11BUZZER
09:14None in there.
09:15I can see another one in there.
09:18BUZZER
09:19Why is this locked?
09:20Alex, do you know where the key to this is?
09:22Yeah.
09:23Can you tell me?
09:24Normal place.
09:26BUZZER
09:28Shush!
09:31Here we go with the nonsense. Here we go.
09:34There's a lot of keys there.
09:35Shush!
09:36Is there a key in there?
09:38There's a lollipop.
09:43Oh, and a doormat. Thank you.
09:47Oh, my God, I'm not going to get anything done.
09:50This has got something to do with it.
09:53I'm...
09:54I can hear you.
09:57Oh, my God, sorry, it's dead.
10:01Shush!
10:05Where are the wetsuits?
10:12That's crafting materials.
10:14Where are all the fucking wetsuits?
10:17I see more wetsuits.
10:23I've located several mannequins.
10:25I'm not certain I should be whispering.
10:28And I can't find any wetsuits.
10:30You've got ten minutes to go.
10:40Have you got a wetsuit?
10:43Oh!
10:44How much time do we have left?
10:45Five minutes 20.
10:51BUZZER
10:56BUZZER
11:01BUZZER
11:04In, in.
11:05It's in, it's in, it's in.
11:06We have lift off.
11:07It's in, is it?
11:09BUZZER
11:12BUZZER
11:16Maybe there's, like, baby mannequins somewhere.
11:18Yeah, maybe.
11:19Come on, you little fucker.
11:21BUZZER
11:22One minute 40 left.
11:23Shut up!
11:24How long do I have?
11:25Three seconds left.
11:26OK.
11:29That's a wetsuit.
11:34Pleased?
11:35Why would I be pleased?
11:37I definitely took my finger off my lips, so I, like, I was...
11:41You took your finger off your lips?
11:44That was part of the task, wasn't it?
11:55Oh, that was so good.
11:59That was part of the task, right?
12:02I mean, he was so upset, he thought he'd been disqualified,
12:04cos he took it off at one point.
12:05Yeah, I've thought about that more than once a day, every day since.
12:11I mean, the devastation at the end of both of your scenes
12:14was quite similar, and yet you increasingly are coming across
12:18as a serial killer, you know that?
12:20You found the child mannequin and within seconds you said,
12:23come on, you little fuck.
12:25Yeah.
12:26I don't have time to waste.
12:28Yeah, the question is, am I going to allow a wetsuit?
12:31You bloody better.
12:33I will allow a wetsuit.
12:35Because it's a bit of lateral thinking and we've got to reward that.
12:38Heavy B, thank you.
12:39Oh, Heavy B.
12:43This place is going to be called Mosquemaster from now on.
12:47LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
12:52Well, time for the first ad break of the episode
12:55and a chance for you to take a few moments away
12:58from the intensity of this competition.
13:00I'm not going to tell you how to relax.
13:02You do you.
13:03Alex?
13:06LAUGHTER
13:08APPLAUSE
13:17Hello.
13:18Welcome back.
13:19It's the start of part two.
13:21Mannequins, wetsuits and shushing are the name of the game
13:24and the names of the people playing the game right now
13:26are Stevie and Rosie.
13:31Ah, yes!
13:33Found a kid.
13:36Lovely.
13:39Under the doormat.
13:40Yeah, you always keep them under the doormat.
13:45Right, OK.
13:48Wetsuit.
13:50Oh.
13:51The suit's wet.
13:52Is it?
13:53Yeah.
13:54I thought these things were, like, illegal.
13:56Not on people, weirdly.
13:59Just on dogs.
14:01Come on.
14:02I imagine this is what marrying older man's like.
14:06Yeah.
14:09LAUGHTER
14:10Come on, mate!
14:18There we go, that's fine.
14:20I need some more wetsuits.
14:22Can I have that one that you've got on?
14:24If you don't mind.
14:25I don't want to be awkward or weird.
14:27Oh.
14:29Oh!
14:30A child!
14:31LAUGHTER
14:35That's another one.
14:36Have you got any underwear on?
14:37That's fine, yeah.
14:38Sorry.
14:39No, that's all right.
14:43Oh!
14:45Right, I'm going in!
14:46OK.
14:47Oh!
14:48Jackpot!
14:50LAUGHTER
14:56Strawberry.
14:57Oh, it's back!
14:59This is weird.
15:01I don't... I'm getting paid enough for this.
15:03Mm.
15:04LAUGHTER
15:06Oh...
15:07Can you get me your other suits that you've got?
15:09I could do with putting one on later on.
15:11LAUGHTER
15:14I'm getting ready.
15:15LAUGHTER
15:21Yeah, the time's up.
15:23Thank you, Stevie.
15:25Bye-bye.
15:26Bye-bye.
15:27LAUGHTER
15:28APPLAUSE
15:35Oh, wow.
15:37Stevie, I thoroughly enjoyed you
15:39repeatedly punching a mannequin in the gooch.
15:42LAUGHTER
15:44Apparently, the mannequins that I found in the bushes
15:47were not part of the task.
15:49Well, it was like a mannequin graveyard.
15:51Yeah.
15:52Yeah, we used mannequins over the years in this,
15:54and the ones that had been too, I guess, punched over the years,
15:57we'd just chuck under a tree,
15:58and we weren't expecting someone to go foraging for mannequins
16:01under the tree.
16:03Rosie, talk me through the narrative
16:05of the way that you look after this old man.
16:07Oh.
16:08I've got a bit attached to him, actually.
16:10Yes, you gave him names, yeah.
16:11Yeah, I named quite a lot of them.
16:12Yeah, it was Eric, Eric's brother, and their son, Shearer.
16:15Yes.
16:16So, Eric was the old man... The older guy.
16:18..that you were in a relationship with. Yeah.
16:20And you put his trousers on so violently, his arm fell off.
16:23Yeah. He gets right on me fucking nerves.
16:25LAUGHTER
16:27Um...
16:28Did they do well?
16:29Yes.
16:30It's mapped nearly sort of three-quarters of one wetsuit
16:33onto one mannequin.
16:34Oh.
16:35Patsy's got a total of one.
16:37Jason really went for it,
16:38and got a total of two-and-a-quarter wetsuits.
16:41Stevie, you got three-and-a-half.
16:43Rosie, because she used the suits and made them wet,
16:45four in total, so she gets a full five points.
16:48There it is.
16:49APPLAUSE
16:54Let's see a scoreboard.
16:55All right, well, it's interesting.
16:57Our winner of the first three episodes
16:59is in last place on three points,
17:01whereas Rosie and Stevie are three times as many.
17:03They've got nine points each, and are joined first.
17:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:11Right, tell me the task, please.
17:13Hmm. There is no task.
17:15Ooh.
17:16No, there is one, really. I was lying.
17:18Here we go.
17:19LAUGHTER
17:28Hello, Rosie. Hello, Alex.
17:31Hello. Hello. Alex, how are you?
17:33I'm great. Would you like to? Yeah.
17:35After you, please. OK.
17:37OK.
17:38HE CLEARS THROAT
17:40Convince the other team that the following things
17:42are the opposite of what they are.
17:44The liquid in the cup is very hot.
17:46Or very cold.
17:48The bag is really heavy.
17:49Or really light.
17:51The paste in the tube is delicious.
17:53Or disgusting.
17:55Alex is or isn't behind the curtain.
17:58Two of you have or haven't met the same really famous person.
18:02Most deceptive team wins.
18:05You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
18:07Your time starts...
18:09now.
18:11OK, I get this, and you're an actor,
18:13so you'll be really good at this, so we have to...
18:15Oh, what about me?
18:16Yeah, you'll be fine.
18:18Are they inclined to believe us?
18:20I mean, A, we're phenomenal actors.
18:23So, if I go like this...
18:25..and it's hot...
18:26That was very rubbish, bruv.
18:29The paste in the tube is delicious or disgusting.
18:31OK, it's so hard, isn't it?
18:33And it's empty.
18:35Who's the most famous person you've met?
18:37Well, weirdly, you were just talking about
18:39I know Ed Sheeran, and you just did a thing with him.
18:41Yeah, you've both met Ed Sheeran.
18:43Have you not?
18:44Not yet.
18:45Bruv, they let anyone on this show, swear to God.
18:48Bruv.
18:50LAUGHTER
18:52OK.
18:53Good luck, team.
18:58Let's go.
18:59OK, so one team is going to try to convince the other team
19:02that things are not what they are.
19:04We're going to see, first of all, the team of three
19:06trying to convince the team of two
19:08that the liquid in the cup is very hot or very cold,
19:10the bag is really heavy or really light
19:12and the paste in the tube is delicious or disgusting.
19:19CLAPPING
19:43Oh, that is nice, that.
19:50Ooh.
19:51This is so soothing, lovely and hot.
19:57OK.
19:58Interesting.
19:59Did you go to RADA?
20:04If I don't get a BAFTA for this, I swear to God.
20:08Um, well, there you go.
20:10We've never done a live Guessing Those.
20:12This is interesting stuff. This is interesting.
20:14OK, I'm going to go over there. Oh, right.
20:16Oh, this is nice. Stevie, you could go over there.
20:19LAUGHTER
20:24This is nice.
20:26I like this.
20:28But also, let's do this. Yeah.
20:30I'm so sorry to interrupt the children's midnight picnic.
20:35Is there any reason why they can't confer out loud?
20:37No, no, no. It would be much easier all round.
20:39But you do whatever you want.
20:40Bastia's is cold.
20:41Are you whispering?
20:42I was going to.
20:44Yeah.
20:47It would be nice if we could hear this,
20:49cos it's a telly show.
20:54It's your fault for giving us this opportunity
20:57to do something we've never done before.
20:59Look at the ceiling.
21:00What's going to happen when we graduate?
21:10So you think Matthew's double bluffing
21:12and that it is, in fact, heavy?
21:14Matthew's is the only one I think I'm not sure about.
21:17I feel like it was disgusting for Rosie.
21:19I feel like it was cold for Bastia.
21:21I might have something up.
21:23Well, sit down. It's suspecting me, really.
21:26Sit down.
21:28Stop making your own rules up.
21:30We've got rules already.
21:32OK.
21:33What are your answers?
21:35Cold, disgusting, heavy.
21:38OK, well, let's see.
21:39Here's the truth.
21:43MUSIC
21:53What is it?
21:56Vegan mayonnaise.
21:57Delicious?
22:00Number three. Nailed it.
22:02Very good.
22:07Really good.
22:09It's going to be Jason and Stevie either lying or not lying,
22:13so watch closely.
22:15OK.
22:18Heavy. Heavy.
22:19We want it as heavy as possible.
22:23OK. OK.
22:30Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
22:32Hey, Stevie. I, er...
22:34I made you some tea.
22:35Thank you so much. You're so relevant to the task.
22:38Ooh.
22:43All right. OK.
22:45Cheers.
22:46Bottoms up.
22:52That's absolutely delicious.
22:54Oh, really?
22:56Sure.
22:59That's quite good. That's quite good.
23:01Not bad at all.
23:03Before the guessing starts, I'd just like to point out
23:06the energy of an educational theatre group.
23:10OK, guys, next talk, period.
23:14Right. Team of three, what do you think?
23:16I think it's light, and they thought the sound of the pebbles
23:19would make us think that they'd kept them in.
23:21I think it was really hot.
23:22I think it might be a talent that she's got,
23:24where she's like, I can drink really hot stuff,
23:26and I think it was hot.
23:28I think it was cold, like ours, cos the steam disappeared immediately.
23:31What? You didn't know it still kept a little bit?
23:33I think they just did a better job of not having...
23:46Like a fawn that had been scared.
23:48You did the thing as well, the little...
23:54Sorry, the audible ice cubes, I think that's what got us.
23:58Not your acting.
24:00And I think it was delicious,
24:02but it hit the back of his throat and made him gag.
24:05Do you think? I think it was disgusting.
24:07I back-use whatever you say. I promise I won't kick off.
24:11So, are we going light, hot, delicious?
24:15If you fucking get this wrong.
24:19Which is what I was afraid of.
24:21Well, let's see how many of the three you got right.
24:23Oh, no. Here we go, guys.
24:25OK.
24:27Now, we've got to empty it.
24:30So, I just want to make sure, there will be a cut here, right?
24:33Yeah, OK.
24:35Please tell us what was in the cup.
24:37Cold water.
24:39What was in the tube?
24:41Marmite.
24:42Peanut butter.
24:43Water.
24:44And gravy pellets?
24:47Bisto.
24:48Oh, Bisto.
24:50Really nice.
24:52It was fine.
24:55Two out of three, not bad.
25:01Well, hasn't another part break come along quickly?
25:04Same drill, you do what you want, me and Alex will do our thing.
25:20Hello.
25:22Welcome back to Taskmaster Part Three.
25:24Good morning, darling.
25:25Now, we're going to see all of them lying or not lying
25:28about whether they've met the same famous person
25:31and whether I'm behind a shower curtain.
25:33Weird, isn't it?
25:34Good luck. Here we go.
25:38Welcome. Alex Horne is behind the curtain.
25:41Please show them.
25:47Disgusting clipboard.
25:49Ta-da!
25:53So, I met James Bay.
25:55My husband, Chris, is a comedian and he was doing the comedy...
26:02Where did you meet James Bay?
26:04I met James Bay at Old Trafford.
26:07At a charity football match.
26:10Yeah, I haven't met him, I'm not famous enough, sorry.
26:13We've met James Bay. We've met James Bay, nice guy.
26:16I've met some famous people. We've met loads of famous...
26:19Oh, I've met Tom Cruise. Oh, I've met Tom Cruise.
26:21No, you haven't. I tested for a Mission Impossible movie.
26:24For, like, one of the computer guys.
26:26He was leaving as I was coming in and he was like, hello.
26:28I used to be a journalist. But he walked right past me,
26:30but he did go, how are you doing? Yes!
26:32That's enough, isn't it? Yes! Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise!
26:36Interesting.
26:37I think maybe the team of three should do the guessing
26:40and I don't want to influence you,
26:42but if you're behind the curtain for Jason and Stevie's attempt,
26:45I will pull my trousers and pants down right now.
26:49I was very close! You make your own decision.
26:52I thought he might be behind the dummy that they were punching.
26:55That's what I thought. I will come to regret that at first.
27:00OK, and the famous person?
27:02I doubt it. Yeah, I doubt it.
27:04I've seen all of Mission's Impossibles, he ain't in it.
27:07OK.
27:08That's a lie. One or both of them.
27:11So we're saying no to the famous person,
27:13yes to me being behind the shower. Yes.
27:15All right, team of two, what do you think?
27:17Now, who is it that you guys are saying you've met?
27:20I don't know him either. The singer James Bay.
27:22Possibly they've met him because he seems very accessible.
27:25He's not Tom Cruise, is he?
27:26No offence to James Bay and his loyal followers.
27:29He's really famous. He's genuinely really famous.
27:32He's from Hitchin.
27:34Oh, in that case, they're definitely not bluffing,
27:37cos that's huge.
27:40Let's say it, I think they've met him.
27:42And then is Alex behind the thing, the clipboard?
27:45I think they balanced the clipboard on a mannequin
27:48and then did that. All right.
27:49So let's find out if they were telling the truth.
27:52Hello, team. Hello.
27:54Please raise your hands if you've met James Bay.
28:00BUZZER
28:01Have you met Tom Cruise?
28:03No.
28:09BUZZER
28:11BUZZER
28:15Yes!
28:19So, do some summaries.
28:21Well, not before you take your trousers and pants down.
28:30I am a man of my word and I told you,
28:33you would all get an opportunity to see me take my trousers and pants down,
28:37but I didn't say when or where.
28:40I'm going to meet you all individually.
28:42Individually?
28:43At the time and place of my choosing.
28:45We're all looking forward to that.
28:47But that final round really changed things.
28:49It turned out that the team of three ended up getting four out of the five right,
28:52the team of two only got three out of the five right.
28:54So the team of three get five points.
28:56It's up to you how many the team of two get.
28:58We should give them three points.
28:59Three to the team of two, five to the team of three!
29:05Very good. What's next, please?
29:06We're going to have a glorious yet infuriating lightbulb moment.
29:22Hello.
29:24Lovely smile.
29:25You too.
29:28Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
29:30Ooh!
29:31Ooh! Ooh!
29:33Ooh!
29:35Oh!
29:38Tell Alex why the lightbulb turns on.
29:45You may not touch or tamper with the lightbulb.
29:49Fastest correct answer wins.
29:52Your time starts now.
29:53I don't understand what that means.
29:58So I need to...
30:06I don't know how the lightbulb turns on,
30:08but Rosie was certainly having a good time.
30:11That's what I'm saying.
30:12Let's see some stuff.
30:13Yes, it's not how it turns on, it's why it turns on.
30:15And first to go, it's Rosie Ramsey and Matty Batty.
30:24No.
30:28Ooh.
30:32How did you still know?
30:35Speed of light.
30:38Is it when I talk?
30:39No.
30:40When I...
30:41smile?
30:43No.
30:45When I look at it.
30:46Do you turn it on when I...?
30:50I don't.
30:51Oh.
30:54Ooh, there's another.
31:00Fastest wins, remember.
31:02Right.
31:03Oh, my word, right.
31:04Read this out loud and in full.
31:06If you fail to read this out loud and in full,
31:09you will fail the current task.
31:14Dear Rosie, congratulations.
31:15You have looked under the table and found this.
31:17A letter just for you.
31:18This is bullshit.
31:19This is going to be bullshit.
31:21You didn't have such curious instincts.
31:23You wouldn't now be reading this personal note.
31:26No, this is bullshit.
31:27I think you are funny.
31:28I like your hair.
31:29In almost every drawer and almost every shelf,
31:32beneath almost every stone and inside...
31:34I always thought you were the sort of person
31:36who would look under tables.
31:38The truth is our taskmaster is not just about the task.
31:41You're a humble person and I don't want to embarrass you.
31:44You discovered there was a little box inside your mouth.
31:47It's about opening that box.
31:50OK, then, I'd better go now.
31:52Well done again on finding this valuable paper.
31:55OK, carry on.
31:56Yours, Greg.
31:57That's...
31:58That's...
31:59That's not anything, is it?
32:01That means anything.
32:02Right, yeah, you've got to tell me why the lightbulb turned on.
32:05What's this?
32:06Plus two, plus two, plus two.
32:09Is this facial expressions?
32:16That's extraordinary.
32:21I've got to cry.
32:22Can you cry on cue?
32:23Probably.
32:24It's worth a try.
32:25Oh, dear.
32:31OK, yeah.
32:33Oh, dear.
32:38Oh, yeah.
32:42It's not crying, is it? No.
32:45Are you going to smile?
32:47You mentioned my smile when I came in.
32:49Something to do with facial expressions.
32:51Two times.
32:53Is it smiling?
32:54And then being sad?
32:56And then smile?
32:57And then being sad?
33:01Two seconds after I smile.
33:03I've stopped the clock.
33:04When I smile and then I go sad,
33:06two seconds later it goes on.
33:09I'm going to stop the clock.
33:18This should be a jolly task,
33:19but there were moments of great sadness there, weren't there?
33:22Rosie crying.
33:23Matthew appeared to have some sort of existential crisis.
33:26It's nice to have a task that fractures your relationship
33:29with the concept of smiling.
33:34Exactly what we hoped for.
33:35Rosie thought it might be smiling very early on
33:37and then moved on very quickly,
33:38but you got it in the end in 16 minutes 54.
33:40Matthew, 13 minutes 54.
33:4213?
33:4313, yeah.
33:44Wow, it felt like a lot longer.
33:46I know.
33:49Right, soon someone will be taking home a liar and a fanny,
33:53which reminds me of a date with my ex.
33:57As in, she was dishonest and her name was Fangita.
34:12Hello, and here we go.
34:14It's the final part of the show
34:15and there's a really annoying task in play.
34:18They're the best ones,
34:19and now it's Jason and Stevie's turn to work out
34:22what's turning the light bulb on.
34:24All right, let's see.
34:26I'm going to try...
34:31It's when I tip to the right.
34:33It's not.
34:35I'm going to put raisins in this little hole.
34:37I can't imagine this is what I'm meant to do,
34:39but there is something oddly satisfying about it.
34:42No, you look happy.
34:43I appreciate it.
34:46You're looking at me as a red herring.
34:51Plus two, plus two.
34:53Hmm, I'll do two raisins.
34:56Oh, boy.
34:58That only tells me I'm on the right path.
35:04Is it every time I look at the ball?
35:06HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
35:10HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
35:15Oh, I hate it.
35:20You haven't turned the bulb on for eight...
35:22What?!
35:33If you've turned that bulb on...
35:37LAUGHTER
35:41Is that you?
35:42No.
35:44Looks like you.
35:46Is it when I make this face?
35:50No.
35:52Fuck off!
35:56Speed of light, question mark miles,
35:58divided by two seconds.
36:00What do you want me to do with that information?
36:02Like, what... Speed of light?
36:05So that is relevant.
36:06Oh, is it?
36:07This clue is relevant to the goddamn task?
36:10Shocking.
36:12It's almost like he's asking you how many miles...
36:15Smiles...
36:17Smiles per two seconds.
36:19So I go off two seconds after I put raisins in the little hole?
36:23Here we go.
36:25I mean...
36:26No.
36:27No.
36:28Oh, wait a minute!
36:29HE SOBS
36:35HE SCREAMS
36:36Does it go off two seconds after I'm angry,
36:39two seconds after I've laughed,
36:40after I say,
36:41OK, two seconds after I'm thinking?
36:45It's everything in my power right now to not flip this table.
36:49Is it two seconds after I stop smiling?
36:52Can you try it out?
36:57HE SCREAMS
36:59Yes!
37:01LAUGHTER
37:03The light goes on two seconds after I stop smiling.
37:06I've stopped the clock, but I need you to go now
37:08because I need to take that box apart cos it's full of raisins.
37:11You know what? Put some water in, you'll have grapes.
37:14LAUGHTER
37:16APPLAUSE
37:21I don't think so far we've seen you quite as crazed during a task.
37:24I think it really got to you, right?
37:26Yeah, that was the angriest I was.
37:28Well, what a celebration.
37:31Jason. Yes, Greg.
37:32I thought it was quite clever on the first attempt
37:35of popping raisins into the little hole.
37:37Yeah. I was less convinced of your intelligence
37:40by the third time you started.
37:42I'm not going to lie, they cut many times out.
37:45Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:46Do you want to tell us how they did?
37:48Yes, Stevie, you were 28 minutes.
37:50Oh, my God. Jesus Christ.
37:52That's why I was so upset.
37:53What about a raisin popper?
37:55Yeah.
37:5652. 52 minutes.
37:58LAUGHTER
38:04We had a six-minute debate about whether it's math or maths.
38:07Can you cut it?
38:08We had to cut it, Jason.
38:11Now, this'll be interesting.
38:13Can the angriest Taskmaster contestant of all time,
38:17can she even smile?
38:19We don't know.
38:20LAUGHTER
38:21We don't know.
38:22You're quite right, Greg.
38:23It's time for Fabulous Fattier Final.
38:26What's this? Can I use these?
38:28Ooh.
38:31What happened?
38:36Is it when I smile?
38:44Do you remember we used to do that in school?
38:46That's a fake smile. Do you remember that?
38:48We didn't go to the same school.
38:50No!
38:51Oh, hell no.
38:53OK, wait, this says, yeah, two plus smiles.
38:57Oh, has it got to do with time?
38:59I got it.
39:00I got it, honey.
39:02OK, I smile, two-second break, and then it comes on.
39:05Let's see.
39:07OK.
39:08Smile.
39:10One, two, light comes on.
39:12Got it? You got it.
39:15Somebody call the vet, cos these swans are sick.
39:21Wow.
39:23Did you make up, someone call a vet because these swans are sick?
39:26No, Matt.
39:27The swans aren't actually sick, and if they were...
39:29They're not really swans, are they?
39:30But also, it's not the vet you call for this.
39:32They've got... It's domestic stuff. Yeah.
39:34What you actually should say,
39:35someone call whoever's responsible for the swan community...
39:39LAUGHTER
39:40..that's directly linked to the royal family
39:42because these swans are sick,
39:44and not many people are qualified to deal with it.
39:47Give me some times.
39:48Well, obviously, Jason gets one point for his nearly an hour.
39:51Stevie, two points, nearly half an hour.
39:53Rosie, three points for your 16 minutes.
39:55Matt, four points for 13 minutes.
39:57Fatia, seven minutes, five points.
39:59There we go.
40:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:05I can't believe it.
40:06Look, Susan's yours.
40:08Fatia, you are now in second place,
40:10just two points behind Rosie, who's on 17 points.
40:13Wow.
40:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:19OK, everyone, please make your way to the stage
40:21for the final task of the show!
40:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:31Hi there, baby boy.
40:34Hello.
40:37Who's going to read the task out?
40:39Fatia.
40:40Win a game of...
40:44..front ham.
40:46One at a time, each person must discard three socks
40:50from the washing line and add one.
40:52If all your coloured socks are removed, you are eliminated.
40:57Last player standing wins the game of front ham.
41:01We all know front ham, so it's a...
41:03..traditional game.
41:04You may not be aware of it, Jason, but the others will be.
41:09In your black socks, you've got a secret sock.
41:11That is your colour.
41:13Don't let anyone else see the colour of your sock.
41:15The aim of front ham, as we all know,
41:17is to leave your coloured socks standing on the washing line.
41:21So, on your go, you're going to go first, Fatia.
41:23You can remove three socks, any socks,
41:25and then you've got to put one sock on from your bucket.
41:28As soon as your colour disappears, you're out.
41:30It's front ham. I mean, I don't know why I'm...
41:33This is sock chess. This is... Yeah.
41:35This is cerebral.
41:36So, why don't you all have a look, secretly, inside your secret sock.
41:40Remember your colour, don't reveal it,
41:42cos there's a lot of tactics involved in this.
41:44As always, we go right to left.
41:46That's you first, Fatia, so you can remove three socks.
41:49I'm going to be tactical here.
41:51I have to be. I'm so sorry.
41:55Oh, my God. If you... Yeah.
41:58And now what? Pick one and put it on?
42:00Absolutely. Just bring it back to its folk.
42:02That's the phrase. Yeah.
42:04I wonder what your secret sock colour is.
42:07No, it could be a double bluff. That's front ham.
42:10Jason's up now. He could eliminate orange from the game.
42:13I mean, he'd be a fucking psycho if he did, let's see.
42:18Ooh. Ooh. Oh, my God, he's mixing his colours.
42:21These Americans are so flash.
42:23So, green is back to normal now.
42:25OK. Perilous for orange, but he's still got to put one back on.
42:28Oh, my God.
42:29Matthew, that's front ham.
42:31Oh, my God.
42:33Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God.
42:35Don't reveal your orange yet. Don't reveal your orange yet.
42:37You pig.
42:38Again, don't reveal if you're orange yet.
42:42Not even a clue, Rosie, if possible.
42:44Mm. OK.
42:45Oh. Back to the half-dozen yellows.
42:47So, would you like the orange to reveal themselves?
42:50Do I need to ask him?
42:52It's me.
42:54Oh! The pure one.
42:59Rosie, a master of deception, let's front ham.
43:02OK.
43:04It's a full board at the moment.
43:08Oh, lovely.
43:11And a red. Yeah.
43:13Well, I've got to put one up, don't I?
43:15She takes the blue off and she puts the blue back on.
43:18Psychological warfare.
43:25For a second, I thought it was a masterful game of psychological warfare,
43:29but she just forgot she took the blue off.
43:32Fatia, back to you, I believe.
43:34Oh, there's an aggression here.
43:36Two. Oh.
43:38Oh, Christ.
43:41Red's back up to full strength, Grey.
43:43I've not seen that for a few years.
43:47Lovely.
43:49Oh, my God. That's great.
43:52Oh.
43:54Cautious.
43:55So, Matthew, the door is open on blues.
43:57If you want to eliminate blues, that means you do go up on the leaderboard.
44:02Greg, remind me, why wouldn't he go for blue at this stage?
44:06Matthew's his own man, we've seen this in previous tournaments.
44:09Interesting.
44:12And one back on. Is there another blue back on?
44:15No.
44:16Oh, it is.
44:18Wow. Works for Roses.
44:20Is it the end?
44:23Yes!
44:24APPLAUSE
44:27You're up. You're up.
44:29There we go, so we've lost green, but let's see who she puts up.
44:32Even Stevens.
44:34She's taken two people to a full compliment.
44:36Yeah.
44:37We've lost someone.
44:38Green, it's me.
44:40Jason Mantuka gets two points.
44:42APPLAUSE
44:43Join the team, honey.
44:46Now I'm going to have to do this, like, come on.
44:48Of course. You do a double blue now, I'm going to lose my goddamn mind.
44:52Oh, I've gone.
44:55So, this is it. We might find out what colour she is.
44:58Hmm. Ooh.
45:00It might be checkmate.
45:05Oh, she's set up the ultimate head-to-head.
45:08Unbelievable.
45:09We've lost blue, finally. They've clung on for a while.
45:11Go, blue, step forward.
45:13APPLAUSE
45:17And now you're winning.
45:19Rosie, it is your turn. You can't eliminate your opposition yet.
45:24North-south divide.
45:29And a red.
45:30Why would you do that?
45:35They both know who the other one is.
45:41The numbers will go down. It will dwindle. It has to dwindle.
45:47It's the only move. It's the only move.
45:49Oh, God.
45:50Sorry. Sorry.
45:52It's for you now, Rosie.
45:58She's lost three yellow.
46:00It's a desperate bid, though, cos there's not a lot she can do.
46:07She's staying brave.
46:09We've got a real situation.
46:11At this stage, it's really whether or not Fatty remembers what colour her sock is.
46:15All right, let's have it, bruv.
46:19And we'll have a last go.
46:21She's won front hand!
46:25Listen, I'll have those two final scores.
46:27Come down and join me!
46:35One of the greatest gains of front hand I've ever witnessed.
46:38I know. It has changed the scores.
46:40Very tight at the top, but with 21 points,
46:42the winner of this episode is Rosie Ramsey!
46:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:51Rosie Ramsey has won Queen's Garden Ogle,
46:54your only name on the card!
46:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE