- 16/05/2025
Category
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FunTranscript
00:00what are you guys doing it's a magic trick we just saw on TV it's called a
00:13two-layer pineapple surprise cake in a sun hat trick with mom's son hat we
00:21couldn't find Willie's and now without further ado a pinch of yeast and
00:29two eggs one two does mom know you're using her son hat silence please with the
00:41young man with the freckles and the overbite please mix the ingredients she
00:47doesn't know does she I'm running this trick on a need-to-know basis perfect now
00:57cover the hat with the plate as I say the magic words Huckus Puckus Betty Krakis
01:10tada ladies and gentlemen Elf's magical two-layer pineapple surprise soup
01:24I'm
01:26I'm
01:27I'm
01:29I'm
01:31I'm
01:33I'm
01:35I'm
01:37I'm
01:40I'm
01:42I'm
01:44I'm
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01:48I'm
01:50I'm
01:52I'm
01:54I'm
01:55I'm
01:57I'm
02:11I'm
02:12I'm
02:13I'm
02:15I'm
02:17What are you doing?
02:44It was Kate's idea.
02:45I have to write this a hundred times.
02:48On the refrigerator?
02:51She didn't say.
02:54Allow me to present an alternative to writing on the major appliances.
03:00What's that?
03:02It's a magic kit.
03:04I thought I'd introduce you to some less messy tricks.
03:08What do you know about magic?
03:10I dabbled a little when I was your age.
03:12Uh, your height.
03:15Really?
03:16Oh!
03:17Oh!
03:18Show me!
03:19Show me!
03:20Here.
03:21Pick a card.
03:23Any card.
03:25Pick...
03:26a card.
03:31Pick...
03:32a card.
03:40I'm gonna tell you what that card is.
03:42I know what the card is.
03:44It's the nine of clubs.
03:51Pick another...
03:52card.
03:54Any card.
03:55This time, don't tell me what it is.
03:57Why?
03:59Any...
04:01card.
04:02There.
04:03There.
04:04Happy?
04:05Okay.
04:06Now, you take a good look at that card...
04:08and then put it back in the pack.
04:12All right, now, I'm going to concentrate on your thoughts.
04:37I...
04:38Our thought waves are connecting.
04:44I feel the vibrations.
04:50Ha!
04:51Aha!
04:52Is that your card?
04:54Beats me.
04:56Don't you remember?
04:57You said take a look.
04:58Not commit to memory.
04:59Alf, this is your card.
05:00These cards are marked.
05:01Well, you cheated.
05:02I didn't cheat.
05:03You cheated.
05:04You lied.
05:05You said that you loved me.
05:06It's not cheating.
05:07It's part of the trick.
05:08Watch.
05:09Wow!
05:10How did you do that?
05:12It's all here.
05:13It's right in here.
05:14Well, can I see?
05:15First, I want you to be on a camera...
05:17watch the camera.
05:18You said that you loved me.
05:21It's not cheating.
05:23It's part of the trick.
05:25Watch.
05:30Wow!
05:31How did you do that?
05:33It's all here.
05:34It's right in here.
05:37Oh, can I see?
05:38First, I want you to make the writing on the refrigerator disappear.
05:42No problem.
05:46Alakazoo!
05:47Alakazam!
05:49I think this would work better.
05:54Alakazoo!
05:55Alakazam!
06:07Yo!
06:08It's showtime!
06:11Actually, off, it's HBO.
06:13Ladies and gentlemen,
06:15may I present
06:17Alf the Stoopifying!
06:25Grazie!
06:26What magic have we to look forward to tonight, Stoop?
06:30Picture, if you will,
06:33an ordinary flowerpot,
06:36empty to the human eye,
06:38but one tap with my magic wand,
06:41and the flowerpot becomes...
06:43big, jaggedy pieces of clay.
06:49Ta-da!
06:50I'll get the dustpan.
06:54Uh, no need.
06:55My lovely assistant will take care of it later.
06:57I guess I'm the lovely assistant.
07:00For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer from the audience.
07:04Ah, yes!
07:05The lady with the questionable fashion sense.
07:08What's going on?
07:09Alf is being stupefying.
07:10Oh, well, I would love to watch,
07:12but I'm going to the Octoplex.
07:13Dad, can I borrow $10?
07:14Well, I guess so, sure.
07:15Thanks.
07:16Hey, this is even better.
07:17I'll do the disappearing $10 bill trick.
07:19I think we just saw that.
07:30Young lady,
07:31please put your $10 bill into this envelope
07:34and seal it.
07:35Okay.
07:36All done.
07:38Good.
07:39I will now put the envelope into the envelope.
07:42I'll do the disappearing $10 bill trick.
07:44I'll do the disappearing $10 bill trick.
07:48I will now put the envelope containing your $10 bill
07:52into my magic pan.
07:55Voila.
07:57A few magic shakes,
07:59and the money will disappear.
08:04It's still there.
08:06Well, so it is.
08:08We'll have to make it disappear the hard way.
08:13Willie, he's got a blowtorch.
08:18I think these matches will do just fine.
08:24Sure, if you don't care about showmanship.
08:27All right.
08:28Light the envelope on fire.
08:30Now, here.
08:42Peel this.
08:43And tell everyone what you have found embedded inside.
08:49I have found a banana.
08:55No $10 bill?
08:58Um, um, Willie.
09:01Please check your wallet
09:02and tell us what you find inside.
09:04Just my $20.
09:09Ta-da!
09:10Not only did I resurrect that $10 bill,
09:13I doubled it.
09:14Thanks, Dad.
09:17I can't spend that.
09:22Um, you've been a lovely audience.
09:26Good night and drive carefully.
09:29Hold it, Mr. Stupefying.
09:32Okay.
09:35It didn't work.
09:37Who am I kidding?
09:39I'm no good at this.
09:41How cruel fate is
09:44to plant the desire within me
09:46but not the ability.
09:51We watched Amadeus last night.
09:53Hey.
10:03Oh.
10:04I thought you gave up on magic.
10:07Something about being no good at it.
10:10Being no good at something
10:12is no reason to quit.
10:14Ask anyone at the Fox Network.
10:18I admire your perseverance
10:20as long as you're not burning money.
10:22Thanks.
10:24Hey, Willie.
10:25You wanna see a trick?
10:26Well, sure.
10:27Okay.
10:28Uh, first,
10:29I need to borrow a handkerchief.
10:31Well, here we go.
10:32Thanks.
10:33I'll also need your watch.
10:43Well, you will be careful with it, won't you?
10:48Of course.
10:49Well...
10:50All right.
10:52Now, you will notice
10:53that in one hand, I hold a man's wrist watch.
10:55In the other, a velvet pouch.
11:02Would you say that the watch is intact, sir?
11:09So far, yes.
11:10Yes.
11:11Ha!
11:12Ha!
11:13Ha!
11:14Ha!
11:15Watch this.
11:16I wave my handkerchief.
11:17Of the camera.
11:18Never!
11:19A velvet pouch.
11:20You won't be able to tell me,
11:23You won't be able to tell me the watch.
11:24You won't be able to tell me what the watch is intact.
11:25Do you tell me the watch is intact?
11:26So far, yes.
11:42Watch this.
11:45I wave my hand over the bag.
11:49Say the magic words.
11:51Hocus, pocus, go for brocus.
11:56And your watch is as good as new.
12:09Well, I...
12:12I...
12:14I don't believe it.
12:22Was that a new watch?
12:26I don't believe it.
12:56Rabbit on my chest.
13:02Elf.
13:04The stupeflame.
13:17Elf?
13:21Elf?
13:23Kate, Willie, you're just in time to see my newest trick.
13:29Where did these rabbits come from?
13:32Well, first Father Rabbit picked up Mother Rabbit in a singles bar, then...
13:37You know what I mean. Where did you get all this stuff?
13:43Buckley's House of Magic.
13:45You bought all this?
13:46Rented it, actually. They gave me the professional discount.
13:50You still want to encourage him?
13:54Oh, come on, Kate. It could be worse.
13:59Ta-da!
14:01Elf's gonna saw me in half.
14:04Much worse.
14:05You are not going to saw our son.
14:19Yes, I am!
14:20You are not!
14:22Oh!
14:24But I'm ready for the big time.
14:26How long does a guy have to toil in kitty tricks?
14:31Maybe until he completes one or two of them successfully.
14:34Maybe he doesn't stand a chance when all the diagrams favored five-finger magicians.
14:40Maybe he's gotten into something a little over his head.
14:42Maybe at three-foot-two, everything he gets into is over his head.
14:48Oh, Elf. Enough is enough.
14:53But I was just getting started.
14:56Did somebody lose this?
14:58Yo, right here.
15:01Elf, I'm gonna say this in terms so simple that even you cannot possibly misunderstand.
15:08Huh?
15:12Learning magic requires diligence and patience,
15:16two qualities which you have not as yet demonstrated.
15:21Face it, Elf.
15:23You just don't have a talent for magic.
15:27Sure.
15:29Kick the prestidigitator when he's down.
15:31One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
15:42Hey! Two and three!
15:44Could you at least wait until the lights are out?
15:49Elf, I found your magic sign in the trash.
15:52Right next to my career.
15:54You're not gonna give up, are you?
15:56The magic wand's retired, Bea.
15:59Unlike Billy Martin, I know when to hang it up.
16:03You promised I could be in one of your tricks.
16:07I guess I'll have to make it up to you.
16:09Okay, then.
16:11Make it up to me by making me disappear.
16:14Well, I don't feel like it.
16:17Aw, come on, Elf. Please?
16:22All right. Get in the box.
16:26Okay, remember how we saw it on TV?
16:29You close the curtain, and you spin the box around three times.
16:33Ixnay on the spinning.
16:35If you puke in that box, it can't be returned.
16:43You all right in there?
16:45It's all right.
16:47Thank you, Junior Wences.
16:49I say the magic words,
16:52alakazoo, alakazam.
16:54I'll show you what a hack I am.
17:02Brian?
17:04Yo, Bea, you in there?
17:08Yes!
17:10Yes!
17:12I came, I saw, I demolecularized.
17:16I can do magic.
17:17Oh, oh, now I'll make you reappear, Bea.
17:21Um, uh, abracadabra, alakazam.
17:26I'm a better magician than I thought I am.
17:28Oh, oh, a glitch in the finale.
17:39Uh, alakazam.
17:43Oh, no.
17:45Oh, I vaporized the boy.
17:48Kate and Willie will not be pleased.
17:50Especially since Willie told me not to do any more tricks.
17:57Oh, wait a minute.
17:59I smell a conspiracy here.
18:05I also smell eight rabbits cooped up in a garage.
18:09Yeah.
18:10Okay, where is he?
18:15Where's who?
18:17Your little stooge.
18:18Is he hiding under the sink?
18:20Okay, Brian, come on out.
18:22Simon says.
18:24You know what he's talking about?
18:26Hardly ever.
18:28You really don't know what I'm talking about, do you?
18:31No.
18:34Uh, Simon says.
18:37Everyone take one giant step out to the garage.
18:48Then I said some more magic words.
18:51But when I opened the box, Brian was gone.
18:55Well, not gone exactly.
18:58Just smaller and fond of salad.
19:02Wait, here, here we go.
19:04I knew there had to be a secret compartment somewhere.
19:08Brian's not here.
19:11Don't deny your son's existence just because he's a little different from the rest of us.
19:18Alf, don't be ridiculous.
19:20He is being ridiculous, isn't he, Willie?
19:22Of course he's being ridiculous.
19:24It's not possible to turn people into rabbits.
19:27Even with magic?
19:29It isn't magic, Alf.
19:32It's a trick.
19:34That's your theory.
19:37Honey, he must be in the house somewhere.
19:38Come on, let's go look for him.
19:42Don't worry, Brian.
19:44You'll get used to the big ear jokes.
19:46Well, thank you, Mrs. Beckham.
19:49If Brian does show up, will you send him home, please?
19:52Okay, thanks so much.
19:54Bye-bye.
19:56Not there either.
19:58Honey, I don't know who else to call.
19:59I'm sure Brian's fine.
20:02We wouldn't just run off without letting us know.
20:07Hey, Kate, you got any carrots left? Your son looks hungry.
20:12Alf, did you get that cage from Brian's room?
20:15That's right.
20:17What did you do with the snake?
20:18What are you so worried about the snake for?
20:21We're talking about your own fur and blood here.
20:25Kate, when you checked in Brian's room, did you look under the bed?
20:29No.
20:31Well, I'm sure he's under there playing cave dwellers again.
20:35Watch out for the snake.
20:38He was pretty mad when I dumped him out.
20:40Brian?
20:45Brian?
20:47Do you understand me?
20:50Um...
20:52Hop once for yes,
20:54twice for no.
20:59Hi, Alf.
21:01How did you do that?
21:03You didn't even move your little rabbit lips.
21:06Rabbit lips?
21:07Brian!
21:09You're not a rabbit!
21:12Well, Brian.
21:14Hi, Dad.
21:15Where have you been?
21:17I was hiding in the car, but I got hungry.
21:19Why were you hiding in the car?
21:22I wanted Alf to think he made me disappear.
21:24So he wouldn't think he's a bad magician.
21:27Oh. Oh, honey.
21:29It was nice of you not to want Alf to feel bad,
21:32but we were very, very worried about you.
21:34Yeah.
21:35I thought I turned you into a rabbit.
21:38Sorry, Mom.
21:39Dad.
21:42Sorry, Alf.
21:43I guess I messed up the trick.
21:45That's okay, Bri.
21:47Now you can clean up your own pellets.
21:52A very large snake just slithered into my gym bag.
21:57Somebody please do something.
21:59You better not have scared Captain EO.
22:00Let's go.
22:01As soon as we're finished here, we're gonna pack up all the rabbits and all the magic boxes,
22:12and we're gonna send them back whence they came, right?
22:15Right.
22:16Oh, Alf.
22:32You didn't have to bring us breakfast in bed.
22:35It was the least I could do, after I almost misplaced your son and everything.
22:39Say, I'm sorry the magic thing didn't work out.
22:45That's okay.
22:47I thought about it.
22:49And I believe my true calling in life is to build powerful fireworks displays.
22:54If you need me, I'll be on the phone with Buckley's house of gunpowder.
23:00I'll be on the phone with Buckley's house of gunpowder.
23:01I'll be on the phone with Buckley's house of gunpowder.
23:30I'll be on the phone with Buckley's house of gunpowder.
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