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00:00Good evening and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:05On tonight's program, your mother should know, Brad Sherwood.
00:09Tell me why, Ian Gomez.
00:12Gotta get you into my life, Colin Mochrie.
00:14And why don't we do it in the road, Ryan Stiles.
00:18Hey, I'm your host, Drew Carey. Come on down, let's have some fun, huh?
00:30Thank you and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:33The show is where everything is made up and the points don't matter.
00:36Shut up.
00:38If you've never seen this show before, what happens is these four guys are going to come down here,
00:41they're going to make up everything right on the spot, right in front of your eyes,
00:43based on suggestions from the audience and suggestions that are on these cards,
00:46which they've never seen before.
00:48And then at the end of each round, I give them points, which don't matter,
00:50because at the end of the show, I just pick the guy who I like the best,
00:53and they get to do a little something with me.
00:55And the best part about that is, it's against my will.
00:58Now, our first game is called Let's Make a Date.
01:04This is for all four of you, Let's Make a Date.
01:06And Ryan, Colin, and Brad are going to be contestants on a dating-type show,
01:09hoping to be picked by Ian.
01:10We're going to give each of them a strange characteristic or identity.
01:13It's all written on these cards here.
01:14They haven't seen these cards before.
01:16And Ian's going to question them and see who he wants to go out with.
01:18Or try to guess who they are.
01:20So, I thought they'd be good.
01:25Ian, whenever you're ready, go ahead.
01:27Bachelor number one.
01:29I'm allergic to nuts.
01:32If somebody accidentally slipped me a cashew, and I had an anaphylactic fit, what would you do?
01:38If you had an anaphylactic fit, I would make sure I would take you all the way to the hospital.
01:42Down around the corner.
01:43Here they go.
01:43We almost get the round one.
01:44Goal!
01:45Goal!
01:45Goal!
01:46Goal!
01:47Goal!
01:47Goal!
01:48Goal!
01:49Goal!
01:50You're very enthusiastic.
01:55I like that in the man.
01:56Bachelor number two.
01:58Yes.
01:58Okay.
01:59Say I was to lose all my hair.
02:04Would you prefer me in a wig or in a hat, and why?
02:07Was that a hair crack?
02:08Because it could make me mad.
02:12And you wouldn't like me when I'm mad.
02:14Big...
02:15You're kind of scary.
02:32I like that.
02:33Bachelor number three.
02:35I like tall men.
02:36Are you tall?
02:38And if you could grow taller, how tall would you grow to?
02:42Why is it you're always asking me questions?
02:45Every time I come home, it's questions.
02:47Don't you trust me anymore?
02:48When I'm 16, I am so out of here!
02:51Bachelor number one.
02:57Yes.
02:57I'm a romantic deep down in my heart, and I love the foreign classic languages.
03:02What's your favorite language?
03:04I love Italian.
03:06And I will take you to Italy, and we will go somewhere.
03:09And someday I will buy you a bracelet of solid gold!
03:12Goal!
03:12Goal!
03:13Goal!
03:13Goal!
03:15Goal!
03:15Goal!
03:17Goal!
03:17Goal!
03:18Goal!
03:19Goal!
03:19Goal!
03:20Goal!
03:21Back to the number two.
03:34As you might be able to tell, I'm an autumn.
03:38What's your favorite color, and why?
03:41Me!
03:42Whoa!
03:43I love you!
03:48Really?
03:51I ain't got the sky.
03:59And?
04:02Whoa!
04:03Whoa!
04:03Whoa!
04:04Whoa!
04:07Hoo!
04:09bachelor number three
04:18I'm an expensive race car
04:21what kind am I?
04:23you're just trying to change the subject
04:25why can't we talk about what I want to talk about
04:27we're in love
04:29and we're going away together
04:30and you can't stop
04:32and goodbye
04:39put me down
04:42want to guess who they are?
04:51I'll take a wild stab at it
04:53bachelor number one
04:55would be a soccer announcer
04:57yes
04:58bachelor number two
05:04would be Dr. Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk
05:06yes
05:07you even know what the character is
05:09that's amazing
05:09Dr. Bruce Banner
05:11now bachelor number three
05:13would that be a teenage girl?
05:15that would be your teenage daughter
05:16my teenage daughter
05:17of course Ian doesn't have a teenage daughter
05:28but if he did
05:28it would look just like Ryan Stiles
05:30that was a thousand points all around
05:35that was really great
05:36let's play a game called
05:37moving people
05:38this is for Colin and Ryan
05:40they're getting surprised to see
05:41but they can't move
05:42unless somebody moves
05:44them
05:46what's your name?
05:49Callie
05:49Callie?
05:51Callie
05:51come here Callie
05:52what's your name?
05:52Peter
05:53Peter and Callie
05:54do you know each other?
05:54yeah
05:55good come on down here
05:56come on down here
05:58come on
05:59I picked you because of the shorts
06:03okay now listen
06:06they can't move
06:07unless you move them
06:08so pretend they're just mannequins
06:09and they're totally flexible
06:10put them in a position
06:11to start out with
06:11and he opens
06:12remember on national network television
06:13owned by Disney
06:15can't do anything too bad
06:16okay
06:17that two fingers is good
06:19and uh
06:20national TV
06:23now the scene is
06:24a honeymoon wedding night
06:26starts off great
06:27but then goes horribly wrong
06:28when an earthquake hits
06:29so whenever you're ready
06:31remember they can't move
06:32unless you move them
06:32go ahead
06:33well let me just snip
06:34this ribbon in the door
06:36and we'll be in our suite
06:37all right
06:38are you going to carry me
06:39over the threshold?
06:40if I can get over there
06:42I will
06:42you bet I am
06:44oh honey honey
06:47you're as trim as ever
06:49I love you so much
06:52I love you this much
06:54oh not yet
06:57you know
07:00perhaps we can go into the room
07:03if you think that's best
07:05oh
07:09do you feel that rumbling?
07:10a rumble?
07:11yes
07:11no
07:12how come you're not shaking
07:13quite as much as me?
07:17quick to the floor
07:19all right
07:20apparently you're feeling it
07:22a lot more than I am
07:23I think it's a 5.1
07:36honey don't speak
07:37okay
07:37sometimes you have me
07:39in stitches
07:39my side splitting
07:40oh I feel ill
07:43what?
07:45it must have been that cake
07:46let me excite you
07:47with my strange
07:48um movements
07:50oh
07:50I long
07:52I can't
07:55okay that's it
08:02boom stop
08:02okay
08:03thank you very much
08:05thank you Peter
08:06thank you very much
08:07thank you Kelly
08:08thank you very much
08:09that was great
08:10man
08:12you guys are great
08:18thank you very much
08:18thousand points each
08:23for keeping it clean
08:23let's play a game called
08:27Weird Newscasters
08:28this is for all four of you
08:29and this game
08:30Brad
08:30you're going to be
08:31the anchorman of a news show
08:32and Ryan, Ian and Colin
08:34are the co-presenters
08:34Brad your co-anchor is Colin
08:36Colin you only have a
08:37five second memory
08:38just like in real life
08:40doing sports is Ian Gomez
08:43Ian you're going to be
08:44Ricky Ricardo
08:45at his wits end
08:46Ryan
08:49you're the wicked witch
08:52from the Wizard of Oz
08:52so whenever you hear the music
08:59go ahead and start
08:59hello and welcome
09:05to the six o'clock news
09:06I'm Chester Flatbottom
09:07after a three and a half
09:09month medical survey
09:11experts have proven
09:12that Al Gore
09:13is actually alive
09:14and now with the stock reports
09:17please welcome
09:18Laszlo Turkey Baster
09:19Laszlo
09:19thank you Chester
09:20stocks are up
09:22up
09:22up
09:22up
09:22thank you Chester
09:24stocks are up
09:26up
09:26up
09:26up
09:27up
09:28up
09:28up
09:29Thank you, Laszlo. I will move quickly on to sports.
09:32And now in sports, we had a wild day.
09:34Damien Hardpank.
09:38Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.
09:40Thank you very much.
09:42We have a live feed from the hockey game that happened today.
09:45Let's take a look.
09:47There's Sunstrom going down the ice over the blue.
09:49That's not Sunstrom.
09:50Lucy!
09:52Lucy, what are you doing there?
09:54I told her she can't go to that game today.
09:57Lucy, what's for the nettle?
10:00Ay, caramba, Lucy!
10:06And now let's look at what's in store for the weekend weather.
10:09Please welcome chlorophyll lettuce crisper.
10:11Chlorophyll?
10:13Pfft.
10:16Yeah.
10:17You've come to see the weather, have you?
10:22It could be sunny all weekend.
10:24A good time to take your dog for what your little dog.
10:28Your little dog.
10:30Because I see how to be on your little dog.
10:33That's all the time we have for the 6 o'clock news.
10:56Please tune in for the 6.05 news in just one minute.
10:59Good night.
10:59That was true.
11:05Hey, listen.
11:06Don't go away.
11:06We're going to see some people will be right back with more Who's Line Is It Anyway?
11:10Stay where we are.
11:17Hello.
11:17Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
11:19The show where everything's made up for the points don't matter.
11:21A special hello to all our little junior improvers out there.
11:24Hope you and your parents are loving the show.
11:25Let's play a game now called Greatest Hits.
11:30This is for Colin, Ryan, and Brad.
11:32It's called Greatest Hits.
11:33With the help of Laura Hall on the Baby Grand Channel.
11:37Now, what happens in this game is Colin and Ryan are TV voiceover guys.
11:41They're going to be talking about the latest compilation album.
11:44And Brad is going to try to sing snippets of the songs that Ryan and Colin make up for them.
11:48And what I need from the audience is a profession you wouldn't normally sing songs about.
11:53Ant Farmer!
11:54What was that up there?
11:55Ant Farmer!
11:55Ant Farmer.
11:56That sounds good.
11:58Okay, tough guy, Mr. Singer.
12:00Let's, uh, the name of your album is Songs of the Ant Farmer.
12:04Hello.
12:05We'll return you to your movie The Man Who Would Be Queen in just one moment.
12:08But first, have we got an offer for you.
12:11As long as there's been Ant Farms, there's been music about Ant Farms.
12:14And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.
12:19We have compiled an incredible collection of Ant Farmer-related songs.
12:24Over 50 songs on 49 CDs.
12:28You know, many songs are on this.
12:30One of my favorites, of course, is the French Can-Can number.
12:34Hey, look.
12:37Hey, look.
12:38Picnic.
12:44There I see a little picnic.
12:49Let's go to it real quick.
12:50I think we will get so sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick.
12:53We will eat all of their food there.
12:55And we will not care, care.
12:56Because we are ants.
12:57And we will jump inside their pants, pants.
12:59And we will do the pants, pants.
13:02If we really can.
13:03Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
13:05Hey, Carl.
13:11Where is your favorite place to listen to this CD?
13:14In the bathtub.
13:15Really?
13:15Yes.
13:16How would I know?
13:17And, of course, who could forget when ant farms seemed to be the rage in every form of entertainment?
13:30Who could forget the theme song from that great sitcom, Insects and the Single Girl?
13:41Meet Cindy, who is a single girl.
13:43She's living inside her cute little world.
13:46But there's glass on either side and sand all around.
13:51When she goes from the top to the bottom, then she sees the ants.
13:55And her friend Ken comes in and he sneaks in and doesn't make a sound.
14:00So they have to pretend that their neighbor, Bob, is really a guy who doesn't have a job.
14:06And later on, they all get up and dance on the farm full of ants.
14:13You know, the hits on this CD aren't just by obscure artists.
14:21No, there are big names on it, too.
14:23Like who?
14:24Well, as a special bonus gift, if you phone by 5 o'clock today, you'll receive that number one B-52s hit,
14:31I've Got a Thorax to Grind With You.
14:33Just yesterday I saw the insect world, but I looked around and it was unfurled.
14:48I went to the picnic and it was bad.
14:50I had a deviated septum and it made me mad.
14:53I saw bugs and bugs and bugs and bugs and those bugs seemed like they were on some drugs.
14:59They kept on crawling on me like I was a worm.
15:02And then I had to do the antworm squirm.
15:05I thought Ant Farm would be such a tough one.
15:27What a dummy I am.
15:30Okay, that's 100,000 points apiece.
15:32Let's go on to a game called Party Quirks.
15:34This is for everybody.
15:35Brad, you're going to be hosting a party.
15:37And then Ian, Colin, and Ryan are going to come in as his guests.
15:40And each of them has a strange quirk identity.
15:42They're written down on these cards.
15:42This is the first time they've seen them.
15:44And Brad has to get what the quirks are.
15:46So Brad, why don't you come up here and start the party?
15:48And then Ian, Colin, and Ryan are going to bring you in with the doorbell after this party starts.
15:51And whenever you're ready, Brad, start the party.
15:53Yeah, Drew's out of town, and I'm house-sitting for him.
15:56He's got a water slide.
15:58Come on over.
16:01Hello?
16:01Hey, how you doing here, Muggsy?
16:03How you doing?
16:03Hey, oh.
16:08Maybe I should turn on the stereo.
16:21Hello?
16:22Where is she?
16:23Where is she?
16:31I don't know where she is, but you should do that outside.
16:34Look, I've had a bad day.
16:38There was started off with like 26 million of us, and it's just gone downhill since then.
16:43Do I have to draw you a diaphragm?
16:52Hello?
16:52Hello?
16:53Hello?
16:53Hello?
16:54Hello?
17:04I don't believe we...
17:05I don't believe we...
17:06Here boy, here boy, here boy, here boy.
17:24Have you met my friend who's going through electroshock therapy?
17:31No, he's not.
17:32He was just assassinated in a gangster style...
17:35Yeah.
17:35You're a faithful pointer dog.
17:43You're Drew's best dog friend.
17:45You're a hunting dog.
17:46You're a hunting dog.
17:55You're a...
17:56You're a tracking dog.
17:58Guess who he's trained to sniff out?
17:59Deodorant.
18:00No.
18:03It says here, bloodhound, trained to sniff out complete idiots.
18:06Shut up!
18:14Shut up!
18:15What?
18:16Were you in the Marines?
18:17He says, you look like a merchant seaman.
18:26Can you guess what he is before you...
18:28Are you an angry sperm looking for an egg?
18:30Yes.
18:36Don't go away.
18:36We're going to see a commercial when we come back.
18:38We're going to find out who the winner is.
18:39Take a few little games with me.
18:40So stay tuned.
18:41More Who's Liners and Anyway?
18:42Come here.
18:49Hello.
18:49Welcome back to Who's Liners and Anyway?
18:51Tonight's winners, Ryan and Colin.
18:52Can you believe it?
18:55Who'd have thought?
18:56But there it is.
18:58I'm as shocked as you are.
18:59Ryan and Colin, they're going to play a game with me called Helping Hands.
19:02What happens is we're going to do a scene, but Ryan cannot use his hands.
19:05Colin is going to be his hands.
19:07I'm going to be a female.
19:16Brad, what's our scene?
19:19Ryan is a flamboyant cocktail waiter showing off his skills to a female customer, Drew.
19:25Hello.
19:27Hi.
19:28I don't believe we've seen you before.
19:30Welcome.
19:32And you came in karaoke night.
19:33Good choice.
19:34Thank you very much.
19:35What can I get you?
19:36What can I offer you?
19:37Anything here?
19:38I would like the kind of onions and olive thing that you have.
19:40Any kind of thing like that I love with an umbrella.
19:43I think you're talking a martini.
19:45Okay, if that's what you call them.
19:47It's very strong.
19:48Oh, is it really?
19:49Oh, yes, it is.
19:50Does it taste good with cherries in it?
19:52What is that supposed to mean?
19:58Try one more.
19:58I'll try one more.
19:59I love how he can toss his ice around.
20:00Up and here.
20:03Oh, I'm sorry.
20:04That turns me on so much.
20:06Here we go.
20:07Oh, I'll show you how a real bartender works.
20:09Set up.
20:09In a head.
20:10In a head.
20:10Oh, oh.
20:11Hey.
20:11Hi.
20:12There we go.
20:13Ah, there we go.
20:14There we go.
20:15There we go.
20:16This is great.
20:17Let me help you with these.
20:18Here you go.
20:19Oh, those are final touches.
20:20Final touches.
20:21Yeah.
20:22We don't put those on yet.
20:23Do they taste good by themselves?
20:24Oh, olives and onions?
20:25You bet they do.
20:26Mmm.
20:27Oh, yeah.
20:28Oh, yeah.
20:37Let me grab a towel.
20:38Let me just grab a towel.
20:39There we go.
20:40No.
20:41Oh, boy, that's tasty.
20:42Yeah.
20:43I bet nothing washes that down like a lemon or a lime, huh?
20:44The only thing that washes that kind of stuff down is some good brie, which we don't
20:57have.
20:58Well, would this do?
20:59Is this a good substance?
21:00This is going to clear your palate.
21:01Oh, yeah.
21:02Well, citrus always does.
21:03Can I try one?
21:04No, thanks.
21:05You go ahead.
21:06Oh, let's have a little squeeze.
21:07Lemon's a little more.
21:08Mmm.
21:09How's that?
21:10Oh, man.
21:11Now, weren't you going to make me a martini?
21:12Uh, smooth.
21:13Yeah.
21:14Hey, hey.
21:15Thanks for watching.
21:16We'll see you next time.
21:17Good night, everybody.
21:18Good night, everybody.
21:20Hey.
21:21Thanks for watching.
21:22Good night, everybody.
21:23Good night, everybody.
21:24Good mood.
21:25Yeah.
21:26Hey, hey.
21:27Thanks for watching.
21:28We'll see you next time.
21:30Good night, everybody.
21:54Good night.
21:55Good night.
21:56Good night.
21:57Good night.
21:58Good night.
21:59Good night.
22:00Good night.
22:01Good night.
22:02Good night.
22:03Good night.
22:04Good night.