- 5/1/2025
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FunTranscript
00:00Good evening, everybody, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:05On tonight's show, there's gold in them thar hills.
00:08Wayne Brady, you're a fine-looking woman, Miss Kitty.
00:11Karen Mariama, hanging from the tallest tree,
00:14Colin Bakery, and, aw, dang it, we're gonna have to find a taller tree.
00:18Ryan Stiles!
00:20And I'm your host, Drew Carey. Come on, guys. Have some fun.
00:27Hello.
00:28Hi, everybody. Hello, hello, hello.
00:32Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:34The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:36That's right, the points are useless, just like a degree in philosophy.
00:41If you never saw the show before, what happens is our performers come up,
00:44they make up everything you see right off the top of their heads,
00:46then we give them points, and at the end of the show,
00:48the winner gets to do a little something special with me,
00:50the loser does something special with Ryan.
00:52Let's get the show on the road with a game called Questions Only.
00:58This is for all four of you, Questions Only.
01:00Karen and Wayne, you're gonna start out a scene,
01:02but you can only speak in questions.
01:04This is also a great party game if you're at home alone,
01:06having a party with no chicks or booze.
01:08You can only speak in questions, and I'll buzz you in between
01:12when something goes wrong, and the winners are whoever gets
01:14to stay out here the longest and who's the cleverest.
01:16And your scene is you're a soap opera set in a plastic surgeon's office.
01:20You can only speak in questions. Good luck.
01:22Doctor, why can't I be beautiful?
01:24Can't you see I can't even fix myself?
01:27What kind of doctor are you?
01:30Didn't you read the sign?
01:32Don't you know that I have horrible vision?
01:36Don't you know you have horrible vision?
01:39Why are you so rude?
01:41Do you think I could be nice to someone with your breath?
01:45I'm gonna go.
01:49Why am I shaking, Phil?
01:54Have you had too much to drink before the operation, Larry?
01:57Is it because I'm a janitor and not a doctor?
02:00Do you think that could be the reason?
02:03What's this patient's name?
02:05Haven't you seen the chart?
02:06Mr. Samoa...
02:09What kind of name is Samoa?
02:12Do I look like a linguist?
02:13Are you gonna help me or not?
02:14Are you gonna stop yelling at me?
02:16Does it bother you?
02:17Can you kiss me?
02:18Can't you...
02:26Do you recognize me? I'm Mrs. Samoa.
02:28You're Mrs. Samoa?
02:31You're Mrs. Samoa?
02:32Don't you know that's my husband laying there?
02:39What kind of hospital is this?
02:41What kind do you want?
02:43Can't I just get some real medical help?
02:46Do you need it?
02:48Can you give it to me?
02:49Where do I start?
02:50Do you want me?
02:51In what way?
02:59Who did this to you?
03:03What does that mean?
03:04Would you like me to represent you?
03:06Why not?
03:08Is 200 million dollars too much to get for that?
03:12Are you making some sort of insinuation?
03:15Does it show?
03:17Do you think you can be rude with a nose like that?
03:21Can I?
03:23Okay, that's enough.
03:24Thanks very much.
03:29That's enough, thank you.
03:31On other shows, at the end of a scene, they yell,
03:33Cut.
03:34On whose line we yell, that's enough.
03:38Oh, a million dream points to each of you.
03:40That's right.
03:41If you think they're worth anything, you're dreaming.
03:42Let's go on to a game called Song Styles.
03:45This is for Wayne, with Laura Holland and Taylor of Cecilia.
03:51Hi, how are you doing?
03:52What's your name?
03:54Chanel, nice to meet you.
03:55Chanel, what are you for a living?
03:56I'm a Polynesian dancer.
03:58Really?
03:59All the way from Polynesia to Los Angeles.
04:01I see.
04:02Why don't you come on and say hi to Wayne.
04:03Brady, say hi to Wayne.
04:05Wayne, this is Chanel.
04:07Good evening, Chanel.
04:11Chanel is a Polynesian dancer.
04:15That's what they all say, baby.
04:16Yeah.
04:18You're going to sing a love song to Chanel,
04:20but you're going to be speeding it up as you go.
04:24So start out nice and very white, and then get speedy on her.
04:27Get speedy?
04:28Yeah.
04:29No problem.
04:30You know how it goes.
04:31Okay.
04:44Welcome to the islands of the Polynesian.
04:49I like it when you move side to side.
04:55I love the way that you weigh your puka shells
04:59and you just, you just can't hide.
05:04When you're wearing all these things
05:06and you move and you swing.
05:09If you're from Hawaii, I bet you'd give me a lay.
05:13Oh, listen to me, please.
05:15Oh, I know you so well.
05:17I love the way you do Tahitian.
05:20Yes, she is Chanel.
05:21Oh, girl, I like the way that you dance
05:23when you like to shake it.
05:25My mother wouldn't tell you one thing
05:26so I know that you would not break it.
05:28And when you're from Hawaii, so they think that you say mahalo.
05:31And this is just one thing.
05:32Stand up and dance and I will follow.
05:34Oh, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it.
05:38Take Chanel, take Chanel, take Chanel.
05:43I love you so much and every time you dance.
05:48Because I would know I'd give you my heart.
05:49I'd give you my charm.
05:50I'd be younger since we'd walk and lift.
05:52Then we'd walk with a leech.
05:53And every time I'd want them dance and switch.
05:54If you've got to reach my head, it's gonna...
05:57Thank you very much.
05:58Thanks, Chanel.
05:59Thanks for coming around here.
06:00That was great.
06:01Thank you very much.
06:02I'm gonna give you and Chanel five and a half points.
06:21Chanel number five.
06:24Alright, let's go on a game called sound effects.
06:28This is for Colin Ryan.
06:29Come over here, big bird.
06:30Grab your...
06:31Grab your microphone.
06:32Uh, Colin's gonna improvise the scene.
06:34He has to respond to the sound effects left by Ryan on a specially made spit-proof microphone.
06:39The scene is, on the day before her wedding, Colin, an over...
06:44Oh, my God.
06:45Hey, you know, I didn't write...
06:47Just, you know, I didn't make this.
06:48Uh, I had nothing to do with this.
06:49On the day before her wedding, Colin, an overweight bride-to-be, realizes she doesn't fit into her dress.
06:56Desperate, she goes to an exercise club.
07:00Uh, go ahead.
07:03Uh, go ahead.
07:04Uh, go ahead.
07:07Yeah, go ahead.
07:10Uh, go ahead.
07:14Ooh.
07:15Uh.
07:16Look at that.
07:46Look at her.
08:00Look at her.
08:02No!
08:16Look at her.
08:20Look at her.
08:22Look at her.
08:24Look at her.
08:26Oh.
08:28Look at her.
08:36Gosh!
08:44All right, we'll go away. We'll be right back with more Who's Line Is It Anyway right after this.
08:50Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway.
08:58Show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
09:00That's right, the points are useless, just like a liberal in Texas.
09:05And we're gonna keep the show going with a game called News Flash.
09:08This is for, uh, Karen and Ryan and Colin.
09:10Karen and Ryan are gonna be, uh, two news anchors in the studio.
09:12Colin, you're gonna be the, uh, roving reporter covering a breaking news story.
09:16What Colin doesn't know is what's behind him.
09:18All he can see behind him is a green screen.
09:19If he turns around and looks at it, it says green to him.
09:21But the rest of us are gonna see a picture.
09:23And Colin does not know what it is.
09:24He has to guess what it is.
09:25And, uh, Karen and Ryan are gonna give him hints.
09:28So go ahead and take it away whenever you're ready.
09:30Apparently he lost 30 pounds on a potato diet.
09:33Oh, we interrupt this program for a special news bulletin.
09:36Joe, Joe, can you hear us?
09:37What?
09:38What?
09:39We said, Joe, can you hear us?
09:41Can you hear us?
09:42Oh, my God.
09:43Yes, I, I can't, I'm having trouble hearing you.
09:46Joe.
09:47Can you, can you hear all that behind you?
09:50Pardon?
09:51Can you hear all that behind you?
09:52I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've
09:55gotta tell you I've never been this scared in all my years of broadcasting.
09:58Oh, my God.
09:59I don't blame you, Joe.
10:00Joe.
10:01Yes.
10:02What caused all this?
10:03Apparently a very bad bowl of soup.
10:06Details are still sketchy.
10:09I'm still trying to get, excuse me.
10:11Oh, nobody wants to talk.
10:13Nobody wants to talk to me.
10:16Joe, you don't usually see these two types of things together.
10:20No, you don't.
10:23Not since that Laurel and Hardy shorts in 1924.
10:27Oh, Joe, it looks like it might be settled now in the background.
10:30It looks like it might be over.
10:31Oh, you think that?
10:33I thought that about four hours ago, but it's gonna start again.
10:37I've never seen one that big.
10:39Have you?
10:40Have you ever seen one that big?
10:43Oh, I've seen bigger.
10:47Joe, you think it was just taking one of them back for its young?
10:50Yes.
10:51That's exactly what I'm thinking.
10:53Let me just, yeah, that's what I think's happening.
10:57Joe.
10:58I'm just afraid that I somehow I'll get in the way.
11:00That's right.
11:01This is definitely a land that time forgot, Joe.
11:03It certainly is.
11:04It's 435.
11:08Joe, I don't think you would see this sort of an event at any rodeo I've been to.
11:12Oh, not at all, because the clowns, for one thing, would just, well, look.
11:20Joe, it looks like you're in a Harryhausen movie.
11:23Oh, it's so horrible right here in the valley of the Gwangi.
11:32Tell us, Colin, do you have any idea what's behind you?
11:36Cowboys and dinosaurs.
11:38All right.
11:39That is, uh, 1,950 points for everybody.
11:48That's right.
11:491950, same year that Ryan's shoes were in style.
11:53All right, let's go to a game called Scenes from a Hat.
11:57This is for all four of you to come get to your positions.
11:59Karen, Wayne, Ryan and Collum are our two separate teams.
12:02Before the show, we ask the audience to write down suggestions for things.
12:04One of the things is scenes.
12:06They like to see the performers act out.
12:07We pick the good ones and put them in a hat.
12:10And I'm going to read them out and see how many the performers can act out for us.
12:13I'm going to pick them out of the hat at random.
12:14And let's see what we get here.
12:16Oh, circus acts that didn't make it.
12:19Meh, I'm a talking lamb, see?
12:24Meh.
12:39What penguins are really thinking.
12:42Jesus, it's called Jesus.
12:45Does this tux make me look fat?
12:54One day I'll get that Batman.
13:03Unlikely ways to impress women.
13:10Look, I'm trying.
13:15Yeah, say, girl, I work with Drew Carey.
13:29As of right now, I'm rash-free.
13:32Uh, I'm in the transition part of my surgery.
13:45I do murals with my own feces.
13:47Some big city mayors in this country say that's not art.
14:00Well, I say they're wrong.
14:03Bizarre ways to describe the taste of a wine.
14:06This tastes like a painting by Colin Mercury.
14:19People you wouldn't want to meet at a nudist colony.
14:21Oh, man.
14:22All right.
14:23Oh.
14:39Whoa.
14:40Dangerous things to do while driving.
14:59What are you doing?
15:00I'm doing the laundry.
15:01Oh.
15:07Oh, okay.
15:09That's because of my artwork.
15:14Strange causes to raise money for.
15:19Get to a carrier third show.
15:28Bathe the whales.
15:35Oh, what the heck?
15:37Things that would cause a Drew Carey spit-take.
15:42I've got to get home to my wife.
15:53I've got to get home to my wife.
16:03Oh, I've got to get home to my wife.
16:08No, it's in charge of that, folks.
16:10A little extra entertainment for you.
16:13No, it's in charge.
16:14Let's move on to a game called Motown Group.
16:16This is for Wayne, Colin, and Ryan.
16:17You're going to be singing as a Motown group, like the Temptations.
16:21And you're each going to sing a verse of the song, while the other two do the backup.
16:24And you're going to be helped out with Laura, Linda, and Cece.
16:26We're going to help you out.
16:28Now, what I mean for the audience, let's hear a suggestion for a household chore.
16:35Take it out the trash.
16:39Let's do the trash.
16:40Take her out her dance.
16:41With the help of the trashettes, take it away.
16:44Let's hear it.
16:46Woo!
16:47Now, when my wife tells me to take the garbage out, yeah.
17:01I'm sitting on the couch watching TV, and she begins to shout.
17:07Lady, I love you.
17:09I don't want to make you mad.
17:11I grab it.
17:12It's black and rubbery.
17:13It's made by glad.
17:14Take the trash out.
17:15Yeah.
17:16I take the trash out.
17:18And speaking of trash.
17:20It's Thursday.
17:22Get the can.
17:24Get the can.
17:26It's garbage day.
17:28I am your man.
17:30Oh, Steve's your man.
17:32My back is out.
17:33Oh, don't you shout.
17:35Get the garbage.
17:37Move your can right now.
17:39Trash out.
17:40Hey.
17:41Take the trash out.
17:43I'm gonna tell you something, and this is no lie.
17:48Is no lie.
17:50Every time I take the trash out, baby, I almost died.
17:54Almost died.
17:56If I could have this wouldn't be remote.
17:57I live on a floating houseboat, Santa.
17:58Oh.
17:59Get it.
18:00In the water.
18:01Ha.
18:02Come on, everybody.
18:03Grab your trash bag.
18:04Come on.
18:05Put stuff in it.
18:06Now they call that trash.
18:07Hey, that's all you gotta do.
18:08Listen, baby.
18:09Take out the trash.
18:10Oh, yeah.
18:11You wanna take out the trash.
18:12Yeah, yeah.
18:13You wanna take out the trash.
18:14Yeah, yeah.
18:15You know you take out the trash.
18:18Thank you very much.
18:19All right, all right.
18:20Don't go away.
18:21We're gonna see the commercial.
18:22We're gonna come back and I thought of who the winner is, so you don't wanna miss it.
18:25Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway.
18:26Tonight's winners, Brian, Colin, and Karen with the three-way tie.
18:27It's amazing.
18:28Can't believe it.
18:29We're gonna do a game for you called Foreign Film Dub, and what Karen and I are gonna do
18:30with this, is it?
18:31We're gonna take out the trash.
18:32Oh, yeah, yeah.
18:33You wanna take out the trash.
18:34Oh, yeah, yeah.
18:35You wanna take out the trash.
18:36Oh, yeah.
18:37You wanna take out the trash.
18:38Yeah, yeah.
18:39You know you take out the trash.
18:40Thank you very much.
18:41All right, hey, don't go away.
18:43We're gonna see the commercial.
18:44We're gonna come back and we'll find who the winner is.
18:47So you don't wanna miss it.
18:48Welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway, tonight's winners.
18:50We're going to do a game for you called Foreign Film Dub, and Karen and I are going to pretend
18:55to speak in a foreign language, these guys are going to translate, Ryan's going to translate
18:58for me, Colin's going to kind of translate for Karen.
19:02What do we need a foreign language to fake?
19:06German.
19:08If you're a German action film director, what would the name of your action film be?
19:13Sausages.
19:14The German action film, Sausages.
19:16Knock, knock, worst.
19:25Who's there?
19:27Boy, am I angry.
19:32I'm one sauerkraut.
19:38We must get all these sausages in the Sausage Express.
19:46Dr. Lieber, raccoons.
19:49Ha!
19:49How do you like my James Brown impersonation?
19:55I just thought I practiced my French a little.
20:04You never know when you may need it on the Sausage Express.
20:07Yeah, that's one huge sausage.
20:14I think I'll write it.
20:15Yeah, that's good.
20:28Yeah, that's good.
20:29Eh?
20:33Ah.
20:34Das is what I wore the harder one.
20:36Uh-uh.
20:37Yes.
20:37Soon I will lose my hair and not be as attractive to you.
20:42See you right back at the Who's Got Better Than Fuck Go Anyway.
20:49Welcome back to Who's Got It?
20:50Is It Anyway?
20:51Tonight we're going to end the show with Ryan and Karen.
20:53I want to read the credits as a news team covering a live car chase.
20:58Good night, everybody.
20:59Thanks for watching.
20:59See you next time.
21:01Well, Karen, we just got word from Drew Carey that Dan Patterson is going much too fast on the 405.
21:06That's right.
21:06Mark told us that he's going about 30 miles an hour.
21:08Oh, apparently they're right outside of the studio now.
21:10He hit Danny Green right outside the airport.
21:11Brady's driving the main car.
21:13Oh, my God.
21:13Oh, I hope they don't crash into Drew Carey.
21:15I know.
21:15They're pulling him over.
21:16They're awful close to Drew Carey.
21:17Oh, this could be fatal.
21:18Oh, my God.
21:19They run into Drew Carey.
21:20Oh, I know.
21:21It's a sad, sad scene.
21:23You know, they're pulling the car over.
21:24Yeah, Chris Dale's putting the best on the driver.
21:26And how could you miss driving him to Drew Carey for God's sake?
21:29Look at his size.
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