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00:00Good evening, everybody, and welcome to Who Fine Is It Anyway?
00:05On tonight's show, a hyperkinetic pop culture firecracker, Wayne Grady.
00:09An artful blend of satire and shtick, Chip Esten.
00:12Steamy adult entertainment, Colin Mochrie.
00:15And a fun house of shrieks and screams, Ryan Stiles.
00:19I'm your host, Drew Carey. Come on now, let's have some fun.
00:27Whoa.
00:30Thank you very much. Welcome.
00:32Welcome, everybody, to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:34The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:36That's right, they don't matter.
00:37Just like a surveillance camera at the 99-cent store.
00:40Points don't be the same.
00:42Oh, yeah.
00:43If you've ever seen the show before, what happens is these guys are going to come up,
00:46they're going to make everything up that you see right off the top of their heads,
00:48and then we give them points at the end of each round.
00:49I don't know why, just a little gag to hold the show together
00:52and pretend like there's something going on.
00:54And then at the end of the show, we pick what we call the winner.
01:00And the winner gets to do a little something special with me.
01:04And why the loser snaps pictures.
01:13We're going to start the show out with a game called Let's Make a Date.
01:15This is for all four of you.
01:16Chip, you're going to be appearing on a dating-type show.
01:18Colin, Ryan, and Wayne are contestants, hoping to be picked by you.
01:21We give them a strange characteristic or identity on these cards here.
01:25They've never seen these cards before.
01:26First time they've seen them.
01:27And Chip's going to question them about going on a date, and then try to guess who they are.
01:31Okay.
01:32So, whenever you're ready, Chip, go ahead.
01:35Bachelor number one.
01:36I want to have many, many children.
01:37If you were my husband, how would...
01:39I want you to scold our children for you if they come home late.
01:42I want to hear that.
01:43Very easy.
01:47First, I'd make our child run the gauntlet, where myself, Firestorm, Gridlock, and Ice Beam would triple him.
01:54Then, I would put him in a headlock, and we'd fight 50 feet over a pit.
01:58And if he survived, then he could have cookies.
02:00Mmm, a little stern.
02:11I like that.
02:12I like that.
02:13Bachelor number two.
02:14If you were a new Spice Girl, what would your name be?
02:18A new Spice Girl.
02:24I'd love to be a Spice Girl.
02:25You know, they wear all those tight clothes, and they jiggle.
02:29Just the way they move across the floor with...
02:38All right, all right.
02:52Bachelor number three.
02:54Hello.
02:54How are you doing today?
02:56I'm doing okay.
02:56How are you doing?
02:57I'm doing very well.
02:59Bachelor number three.
03:02I believe all of life can be summed up on a bumper sticker.
03:05What would yours say?
03:07Mine would say, if I ever find you, I'm going to kill you.
03:09Bachelor number one.
03:30Ooh.
03:32Bachelor number one.
03:33If you were one of the seven dwarfs, what dwarf would you be?
03:36I'd be kick-ass dwarf.
03:50Bachelor number two.
03:51What would a romantic evening with you begin with?
03:54Well, we prickly disrobe.
04:01Well, we prickly disrobe.
04:03And thir...
04:05Do me a favor and make that cheap sound again.
04:14Do me a favor and make that cheap sound again.
04:18bachelor number three I'm still here when you're at an amusement park what's your favorite ride and
04:35why yeah I guess I like one of them roll-up coasters to Daryl
04:48bark baby bark baby bark baby I'm gonna pick two but I want three to be there also
05:09who are they oh my goodness um Aztec warrior no what was the show that's not on anymore
05:24where they fight each other the battle star galactica
05:28um Colin is an entire zoo no whenever he gets what he does what oh whenever he gets horny he turns
05:47into an animal and I'm gonna guess that Ryan is a hitman
05:57if you were a traveling salesman and you ran into a who in the joke what would it be
06:05he's the farmer the farmer's daughter's father yeah
06:09the farmer's daughter's father
06:22nephew's uncle in other words the farmer do I even get one point no in other words her brother yeah
06:31look what they made me do let's go on to a game called uh duet it's for Chip and Wayne and we're
06:43going to sing a duet with the help of Laura Hall, Linda Taylor, and Ann Genselius
06:49usually I try to pick you instead what's your name Jerry Derek nice to meet you Derek what do you do for a living
07:01um I work in the diesel industry you work in the diesel industry doing what uh kind of run the warehouse
07:07you run the warehouse in the diesel in the diesel industry
07:10he's a diesel guy Derek coming down here I mean Chip and Wayne come on down here
07:15so glad to meet Chip
07:17come on up
07:19ah
07:23regular who's line watchers are probably wondering hey why didn't he pick the cute chick like he always does but uh
07:29here's why Chip and Wayne you're gonna sing a song to Derek Derek who runs the factory at a diesel place
07:36and I want you to sing to him like the village people
07:41I say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well Derek he's the best I've ever seen it
08:10run in the warehouse watching diesel gasoline nobody's better nobody's better
08:18than Derek
08:20hey hey hey Derek he's really fast
08:25Derek he deals in diesel not gas he's Derek he's really terrific
08:32even though his job description isn't specific
08:36Derek Derek he
08:57In the warehouse
08:59Every day and night
09:01D-E-R-E
09:03Derrick
09:07Derrick
09:11Derrick
09:13He's the best I've ever seen
09:15At watching the gasoline
09:17In the warehouse
09:19Derrick
09:21Derrick
09:23Derrick
09:25Derrick
09:27You want a job dude?
09:29Derrick
09:31Hey Derrick how many points we give him?
09:33Two billion
09:35Two billion
09:37Two billion
09:39Two billion
09:41Two billion
09:43Two billion
09:45Two billion
09:47Two billion
09:49Two billion
09:51Two billion
09:53I love you Derrick
09:55I love you Derrick
09:57I love you Derrick
09:59I love you Derrick
10:01Two billion
10:03Two billion
10:05Two billion
10:07We're gonna give them props
10:09We're gonna divide you guys into two pairs
10:11Ryan and Chip
10:13This is your prop
10:15I think it weighs a ton
10:17Here you go
10:19What they have to do is they have to go back and forth
10:21And come up with as many funny things to do with the props
10:23As fast as they can
10:25I'll buzz them in between
10:26Go ahead Ryan and Chip
10:27I paid way too much money for these
10:31I told you no starts in the tie
10:33You dishonor my father
10:35You dishonor my father
10:37Come on
10:39I see Billy
10:43And Timmy
10:45And George
10:47What is Wisconsin?
10:49Oh
10:51I'm not sure what bathroom this is
10:55Guys or girls
10:57Not much of a power plant
10:59Not much of a power plant
11:03God bless us everyone
11:07Come on in Belle
11:09Be our guest
11:15Ladies and gentlemen Elton John and Fred
11:17So I told her if she was gonna talk like that about me
11:23That I was just gonna leave
11:25I would not take that
11:27Hey! Don't go away
11:29We'll be right back with more
11:31Whose Line Is It Anyway?
11:33We're in for this
11:37Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
11:39The show where everything's made up
11:41And the points don't matter
11:42That's right the points are just like
11:43Batting practice to the Dodgers
11:45Let's play a game now
11:49Called Party Quirks
11:51This is for Chip, Wayne, Collin, and Ryan
11:53Come on down here Chip
11:55We gave Wayne, Collin, and Ryan
11:57A strange quirk of identity
11:58It's written on those cards there
11:59Never seen before
12:00Go over there and get in line
12:01I'll bring you in with the doorbell
12:02One at a time
12:03Chip you have to guess what they are
12:04And whenever you're ready
12:05Start the party
12:06I'll bring it
12:07Listen I gotta go
12:08I'm starting a party
12:09I know I didn't invite you
12:10I'm...
12:11Well
12:12Frankly you're not quirky enough
12:13Okay gotta go
12:14Come on in
12:16Doo doo doo doo doo Euros
12:34Well try the dip
12:35While you're down there
12:37Come on in
12:38Join my partyjar
12:39How's that?
12:52So I've got some roaches.
12:53It's not a problem, Wookie.
12:54Come on in.
13:00Welcome.
13:01Welcome to my party.
13:02I'm so glad you can make it.
13:03Oh, my.
13:09Good to have you.
13:12Good to have you.
13:15You like my stereo?
13:16Having a good time?
13:17Okay.
13:18Oh, my God.
13:24You guys are fun.
13:39I'm so glad you can make it.
14:09Ah!
14:10Ah!
14:11Ah!
14:12Okay.
14:12All right.
14:19All right.
14:28Okay.
14:29Yes.
14:30Wait.
14:32King Kong movie, get out of my house.
14:34It seems to me like you hate the people downstairs.
14:48You're a slow motion football player.
14:50Hey, who wants to have Wayne Brady lift their dress up on national TV?
15:09Right through the air.
15:14Show my underwear.
15:15Mine.
15:17I want to use my underwear.
15:18Good thing you listen to your mother, huh?
15:24All right.
15:27It's like a bad high school dream.
15:31We're a good one.
15:32People are...
15:33What's your name?
15:36Melissa.
15:37Okay.
15:37Not anymore.
15:38Yeah.
15:41Don't see that on Friends.
15:42Yeah.
15:43No, you don't.
15:45No, you don't.
15:47Thank you, Melissa.
15:48Thank you, Melissa.
16:02On that note, let's go on to a game called Hoedown.
16:07Let's have a lower home, you know?
16:09Uh, let's go, let's say I need for the audience.
16:15Types of TV shows that you love to hate.
16:17Murder mystery.
16:18Murder mystery.
16:19Cops.
16:20Cop shows.
16:22Cop shows.
16:23So, everybody, let's hear the cop show hoedown.
16:30Woo!
16:34Boy, oh, listen, nothing amuses me.
16:37And sitting at home and watching reality TV.
16:41Now that show cops, I think that it's the bomb.
16:45Until I turn it on and say, damn, that's my mom.
16:52Woo!
16:55I love me a cop show of that, you can't be sure.
16:59Until one night I'm watching and they bust down my door.
17:03They bring inside a deputy, they bring inside a jailer.
17:06And then they confiscated everything inside my trailer.
17:14I saw a cop show, it really made me mad.
17:21It was so horrible, the writing, it was sad.
17:25More I watched it, the more it was, the pits it had.
17:29A pagoda and Eric Estrada was called Fish and Chips.
17:32Oh, boy, those cop shows, they give me such a fright.
17:47And it seems like they are on every single night.
17:51Sure, you can watch them if you really want to scare.
17:54Thursdays at 8, you can see Melissa's underwear.
17:58We'll be right back when we're who's on, he's been underwear.
18:14Welcome back to Who's on the Internet, and anyway, tonight's winners, Ryan and Wayne.
18:25Ryan and Wayne are the winners.
18:25How about that?
18:27We're going to do a game for you together called Three-Headed Broadway Star, with help
18:30of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
18:34We're going to pretend to be a strange three-headed Broadway star, and what happens is we have
18:37to make up a Broadway song for you, one word at a time, and we need the name of an unlikely
18:42Broadway show.
18:43Worms.
18:44Worms.
18:44Worms is a good one, and what's the name of the hit love song from Worms?
18:47You know how to wiggle.
18:48You know how to wiggle.
18:50Oh, yeah.
18:51You know how to wiggle from the hit Broadway musical, Worms.
18:54Here we go.
19:01You know how to wiggle.
19:08I laugh and I giggle.
19:13Why don't you wiggle for me someday, hey, hey, touching, squirming, wiggling, you, standing, wiggling, I love having fun.
19:43You next to me, wiggling, you next to me, wiggling, free, wiggling, squirming, oh, how happy will be, dirt, mud, top, soil.
20:12It's just what I need.
20:13Sorry.
20:14It's just what I need.
20:15It's just what I need.
20:17You wiggle for me.
20:18You wiggle for me.
20:19You wiggle for me.
20:24You wiggle for me.
20:25You wiggle for me.
20:31You wiggle for me.
20:32You wiggle for me.
20:33You wiggle for me.
20:34You wiggle for me.
20:35You wiggle for me.
20:36You wiggle for me.
20:41We'd like more Who's Line is in anyway.
20:42Welcome back to Who's Line is in anyway.
20:43We're going to end the show tonight with Colin.
20:44Read the credits for us.
20:45Colin, I want you to read the credits as a substitute teacher trying to get an unruly class under control.
20:55Good night, everybody.
20:56Thanks for watching.
20:57All right.
20:58Dan Patterson.
20:59Dan Patterson.
21:00Mark Lefferson.
21:01If you'll just sit down, please.
21:02All right.
21:03All right.
21:04Now, come on.
21:05I'm going to tell Vice President Forrest that you're...
21:07What are you doing?
21:08That's my driver's license.
21:09Oh.
21:10All right.
21:11Stop it.
21:12Stop it.
21:13Charles Esten, you sit down.
21:14That's the entire lesson.
21:15You sit down.
21:16Wayne Brady.
21:17Keith Richmond is good.
21:18I'm going to get him in here.
21:20Don't you ever do...
21:21Sit down.
21:22Do not touch my buttocks.
21:23Do not touch...
21:24Oh, I don't get paid enough for this.