- 5/9/2025
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FunTranscript
00:01Good evening and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:04Tonight, our performers are ex-sumo wrestler Brad Sherwood,
00:08ex-Vegas showgirl Wayne Brady,
00:11the man who was once the highest paid model in Albania,
00:14Colin Mochrie, and former funny man, Ryan Stiles.
00:18And I'm Drew Carey, your host. Come on now, let's have some fun.
00:30Hey, welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:37The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:40If you've never saw the show before, what happens is we have suggestions here that nobody's seen before.
00:43Also, we're going to take suggestions from the audience.
00:45And these guys here have to come out and make up something funny based on all those suggestions.
00:49And then I give some points, which don't matter much.
00:51And at the end of the show, we pick a winner and the winner gets to do something special with me.
00:56And I do mean at the end of the show.
01:03We're going to start with a game called Weird Newscasters.
01:08This is for all four of you.
01:09This game, Brad, you're going to be the anchorman of a news show.
01:11Colin, Wayne, and Ryan are his co-people on the show.
01:14But each one of you is going to do a really odd thing.
01:16I'm going to tell you what they are.
01:17Brad, your co-anchor is Colin.
01:19Colin, you're going to be too emotionally attached to the stories.
01:22Wayne, you're the sportscaster.
01:25You're going to play Don King.
01:30And Ryan, you're the weatherman.
01:32You're an astronaut walking in space and things start going wrong.
01:37So whenever you hear the music, go ahead and start.
01:44Hello and welcome to the 6 o'clock news.
01:46Mr. Snapdragon McFisticuff.
01:47Our top story from the Middle East.
01:51Benjamin Netanyahu today changed his name to Benjamin Netanyahu.
01:55And on a different note, terrible bus accident today.
02:07Today there was an accident.
02:08A busload of penguins.
02:09Penguins.
02:10They don't do any harm to anyone.
02:11And they only have sex once a year.
02:12All the inhumanity.
02:13What's that?
02:14Get a grip, alright?
02:15Okay.
02:16Let's look at the sports.
02:17We've got a busy day in sports.
02:18Don't we, Sparky?
02:19Poof.
02:20Yes, indeed.
02:22Yes, indeed.
02:23Everybody's fighting.
02:24From the football players fighting about money.
02:25To old ladies fighting about fighting.
02:28The old ladies fighting about fighting.
02:29Yes, indeed.
02:30Everybody's fighting about money.
02:31No, he's not fighting about money.
02:32I didn't want to fight against anybody.
02:33I've got to fight against anybody.
02:35day in sports, don't we, Sparky? Poof! Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed. Everybody's fighting.
02:44From the football players fighting about money to old ladies fighting about fighting.
02:50Let me tell you, I can represent you. Fifty million dollars, my pocket, two million for you. Come on, now.
02:56Well, that's all the news from the man who would be king. And now let's find out what's going on in the
03:00weather, shall we? Jif Jissison. Well, I'm on the studio floor. Both feet are on the studio floor.
03:10Well, let's take a look at the weather map. I'm back. Well, as you can see, we've been
03:29clouds moving in over the Oregon area and up in Idaho. Thunderstorms. My cord seems to be tangling.
03:37I'm having problem getting air. I don't know if I can...
03:41Now it's going to open the pod bay door. Well, that's all the time we have on the 6 o'clock news. I am Chesterfield, Snapdragon, McFisticuffs.
04:03Chesterfield, Snapdragon, McFisticuffs. Something like that. That's a thousand points for you for thinking of that name. Wow. Now we're going to a game called Duet. This is for Brad and Wayne. They're going to sing a duet about someone in the audience. They're going to be accompanied by Laura Hall on the piano. How about a hand for Laura Hall?
04:31Anybody who would like a song made up of a bottom, what's your name? Sarah. Sarah, what do you do for a living, Sarah?
04:40I'm a consultant. A consultant of what? I'm an IT consultant. You're what? An IT consultant. IT consultant. What's that? I work with computers. Oh, jeez. Come here. She works with computers is what you meant to say. She's an IT consultant. Don't tell me.
04:57Don't tell me. Oh, really? Okay, good for you. Sarah, she's, uh, works in IT, which stands for information technology. You have something to do with computers, right? Yeah. And you're a consultant. Do you work for yourself or a company? For a company. Okay, good for you.
05:12Brad and Wayne are going to sing a song to you, but you're going to do it in the style of a disco ballad. A disco ballad to Sarah, the information technologist.
05:20I'm a consumformation technologist.
05:25Speaker 1, Amy.
05:32Well, I see you.
05:36You see me.
05:40I see you. You see me. Explain to me what the hell is IT. Oh, girl, since I've been alive, I've wanted a woman who can touch my heart dry.
05:55You drive me crazy. I need psychology to understand this informational technology. Oh, Sarah, you're so much sexier than Farrah.
06:09You're so much better than Farrah. Oh, Sarah, oh, can I be with you tonight? I can't let you touch my big ol' megabyte. Oh, Sarah, oh, yeah.
06:26Sarah. Sarah. I know sometime I'm about to be a louse. Oh, Sarah. Sarah. Why don't you put your left hand and click my mouth? I said, Sarah. Oh, Sarah.
06:38Oh, Sarah. To be a louse. Oh, my dear. Oh, here you go. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you so much.
06:57Well, I know who's getting the points for that. Good old, good-looking Sarah. Thank you, Sarah.
07:13Now we come to a game called Sound Effects for Colin and Ryan, of all the people. Colin's going to improvise a scene, but he'll have to respond to sound effects made by Ryan.
07:21Colin, Colin, your scene is, it's your wedding night on the Titanic.
07:26Oh, my God.
07:33Oh, my God.
07:35Oh, my God.
07:37Oh, my God.
07:51Oh, my God.
08:12Oh, my God.
08:13Oh, my God.
08:48Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding
09:18Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
09:24Hey hey, listen
09:43Don't go away, we'll be right back
09:45We're at these commercials with more Who's Line Is It Anyway?
09:55Hey, welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
09:58The show where everything is made up and the points don't matter
10:00How'd you like that commercial break, huh?
10:01Did you have a sandwich? Did you pet your dog? Did you love your kid?
10:03Did you tell your wife you were glad to see her, huh?
10:05Did you smell the flowers? Did you? Did you?
10:07No! You sat there on your fat butt with a remote
10:10Didn't move a muscle
10:11Gotta be ashamed of yourself
10:14Next commercial, make sure you kiss your wife
10:16Okay, now we're going to go on to a game called props
10:21The performer's going to divide it into two pairs
10:23Brad and Ryan, this is your prop
10:25Come and get this
10:26And Colin and Wayne, this is your prop
10:30Oh, jeez
10:31Colin and Wayne, this is your prop
10:33It's kind of unwieldy
10:35Brad and Ryan, whenever you're ready to start
10:38I didn't know that's what you meant when you said you had to take a big pee
10:48I don't think we should have climbed up on the transformer, Gary
10:56Because the Jell-O tastes so good
11:01Quick, get in the tank
11:18Trust me, it takes some of the shock out of being a pirate
11:25I ran really far
11:33Paragraph
11:34And then I stopped
11:36Paragraph
11:37And then I came back
11:38Paragraph
11:39Still lactating?
11:41Yeah
11:42Oh, look, the Clinton tombstone
11:54Hey, you got an Audi, too
12:00I can give points for that one, but why bother?
12:14You know it's useless
12:15By the way, don't forget to stop at your local drugstore
12:19And pick up a scorebook
12:20Official whose line is in any way scorebook
12:22You big dope
12:23Now, let's go on to a game called
12:28Narrate
12:28Now, in this game, Narrate
12:30Colin and Ryan will act out a film noir scene
12:33And narrate for each other to the style of some music we selected for them
12:36What we'd like for the audience is an everyday location
12:39Where this film noir scene can take place
12:40Pizza place
12:41Pizza place
12:43It's in a pizza place
12:44So you're acting out a film noir scene
12:46Set at a pizza place
12:47Go ahead
12:47It was a day like any other
12:53Except it wasn't
12:54I was getting a pizza
12:58Or so I thought
12:59Excuse me, sir
13:01I'd like a pizza
13:02Double pepperoni
13:02Right
13:04That'll be 30 minutes
13:05Or less
13:06I'd seen his face somewhere before
13:10I wasn't sure where
13:11But as it wasn't his face that drew my attention first
13:14I wondered why he wasn't wearing pants
13:17Is there any way you can make it any faster?
13:23I'm expecting company
13:25Well, the dough doesn't rise quite as quick as you do
13:27He made a crack
13:37There was something about him that just rubbed me the wrong way
13:40I thought I recognized him
13:43Something was nagging in the back of my mind
13:45I just couldn't put my finger on it
13:48Hey, you're a woman, aren't you?
13:53That's right, I am, yeah
13:54Okay, so I wasn't an attractive woman
13:58But I was a woman nonetheless
14:02A woman who knew how to please a man
14:05And put a little extra cheese on here for you
14:10I like extra cheese
14:13Do you?
14:13Yeah
14:14Do you like your cheese hot?
14:15Melted?
14:16Melted
14:16Let me put it in the oven for you
14:18She was playing a game that women and men had played for centuries
14:24Unfortunately, she looked like an open autopsy
14:27Hey, you shouldn't be smoking while you're making my pizza
14:37You're right, I'm sorry
14:38I felt like saying, mind your own business
14:42But there was something about him that drew me to him
14:45Made me want him
14:46Like that pizza in the oven, I wanted him and me
14:49It just occurred to me
14:58We're never going to be able to use that
15:17Hey
15:17500 points to Ryan
15:22If you're giving the censor something to think about
15:23Okay, now we're going to win a game called Telethon
15:29Ryan, you're going to be the host of a telethon
15:31Colin, you're going to be the guest on the telethon
15:33And, you know, they're doing the telethon for you
15:35Wayne and Brad will come on as an entire chorus of celebrities
15:38Doing a We Are The World type anthem
15:40With the help of Laura Hall on the piano
15:42What we need from the audience is a suggestion for a group of people
15:50Whom you would not normally raise money for
15:52People who suck their thumbs
15:57Thumbsuckers?
15:58Yeah
15:59Your telethon is to raise money for thumbsuckers
16:03Hello and welcome back
16:05We're in hour 48
16:07Trying to raise money for people who suck their thumbs
16:10You wouldn't think people like that would need the money
16:12I know I didn't at first
16:13But they do
16:14Let's check our tote board and see
16:15Okay, someone's taking the tote board
16:17So, we're trying to raise money for a new tote board
16:20And then we're going to raise money for thumbsuckers
16:22But today we have with us
16:24I'm sorry
16:26I'm Mr. Roger Phillips
16:28Roger has been a thumbsucker
16:31Well, why don't I let him tell you
16:33Roger, if you will, come on, please
16:35Roger
16:36Can you remove the thumb just for one minute to talk to the people at home?
16:44Roger
16:44Yeah
16:45How long have you been sucking your thumb
16:46And when did it first start happening?
16:49It first started happening in the womb
16:51Almost 59 years ago
16:54When you say the womb, you mean your mother's stomach?
16:58Yeah
16:59It's horrible, I
17:06Roger, no
17:08And to help us raise the money
17:17We are very, very happy to have with us tonight
17:21Straight from their engagement in Laguna Beach
17:23A cavalcade of stars
17:26Here to raise money for thumb suckers
17:28Welcome, please
17:29A cavalcade of stars
17:32Well, sucking thumbs
17:35Ain't a pretty business
17:38I've been doing it since I was
17:42Four years old
17:44Because then people say that sucking your thumb
17:49Oh
17:51Sucking your thumb is really dumb, I've been told
17:55I don't know why
18:00I suck my thumbs
18:03Just when I taste it
18:06People say, hey, let's do it.
18:10Because the way I suck my heart, I suck it, it's the jam.
18:15People make fun when I suck all my 50 jams.
18:21So when you're sucking your thumb, make sure the tax man doesn't count.
18:31Everybody put your thumb in the air, just swing your thumb, like you just don't care.
18:45It can be your jump, your thumb, it can be your thumb, it can be your thumb, jump.
18:55Thank you so many, Dennis Jr.
19:01That was great.
19:03Hey, listen, don't go away.
19:05We come back.
19:05We're going to find out who the winner is.
19:06Do a game with me.
19:07Stay tuned for more Who's Buying Is It Anyway.
19:09Let's go.
19:17Hey, welcome back to Who's Buying Is It Anyway.
19:20Winners tonight are Colin Rockery and Ryan Stiles.
19:22How about it for Colin and Ryan?
19:24We're going to be doing a game together called Stand, Sit, and Bend.
19:30And what happens in this game, one of us must always be standing, one must always be sitting,
19:34one must always be bending.
19:36And whenever somebody else changes, the other person has to take their place.
19:39And, uh, Wayne, what's our scene?
19:41Drew and his wife Colin are farmers who have called around a vet, Ryan,
19:46because they're worried about their prized cow.
19:50Ryan, the wife and I are really worried about the cow.
19:52We're really worried about the cow.
19:55Well, he seems pretty solid.
19:56Is sitting on him going to help?
20:00Couldn't hurt.
20:01Well, let me try it.
20:04Wow.
20:05How's it feel?
20:06Feels great.
20:07Will it help you give milk?
20:08Look, I don't know anything about milk and cows.
20:11I just started being...
20:12Are you some kind of fraud?
20:13Yes, I am.
20:14What's the big idea coming down to my farm?
20:16Hey, you're the one who called me.
20:17Don't you talk to me like that, buddy.
20:20Well, while you men argue about the cow, I'm going to pick some carrots.
20:24This is no time to be picking carrots, missy.
20:27We got a farm to run.
20:30Let me help.
20:36Look, I don't feel I can charge any money for this.
20:39I didn't really work on your cow.
20:41Please don't bow to me.
20:42All right.
20:43Hey, the cow is comfortable.
20:45Wow.
20:46Not that comfortable.
20:46Look, I think your cow is suffering from a very dangerous disease.
20:51What?
20:51Well, I can't say right now, but it's very fatal.
20:56It's very fatal.
20:58I don't think he has more than a month left to live.
21:00Well, what's she doing?
21:01That's what I said.
21:01What do you do?
21:02She would call an undertaker, a cow undertaker?
21:04I would bury him right over here in the ground.
21:05Where is that?
21:06Right over here?
21:06Here might be a good spot.
21:07Yes, right here.
21:09I don't know.
21:10She's giving both.
21:12She's giving both.
21:12Oh, my God.
21:13I don't know much about it, but I'll try.
21:15I'll sit.
21:16No, I won't.
21:17That's the wrong end.
21:21Get up.
21:22Get up and help me.
21:28Thanks for watching.
21:30We'll see you next time on Who's Life?
21:31But anyway, good night.
21:32We'll see you next time on Who's Life?
21:34We'll see you next time on Who's Life.
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