Comedian Frank Caliendo on The John DeBella Show

Beasley Digital

Transcript

00:00that's a crock what a 2.9 mgk ladies and gentlemen as if by wizardry

00:18look what has just walked into the studio he said the other day that he would try to be here in time

00:26and you're actually early i don't yeah i don't even remember coming in i don't i left my i left

00:31my hotel in cleveland because i was downtown cleveland last night doing a it was actually a

00:36charity event okay my father-in-law had passed away from pancreatic cancer all right so 100 of

00:42the proceeds went to the pancreatic cancer action network oh there's a guy yeah right and then uh

00:48tonight when i'm at the punchline 100 of the proceeds go to my kids college fund

00:54how are the kids on the road with you this time no because my wife is from cleveland oh i see so

01:02i see yeah we've they've been there the last week and a half while i've been working and going all

01:06around so uh the idea of this was to to go out and do single nights and work on new material and uh

01:14which i've never really done before because anytime i would have to come up with something new it would

01:19really be about got to find a new impression to do so then you got to workshop an impression

01:24so it's always and then not everybody's going to know who the person is oh god and then there's a

01:28chance they're going to get hashtag and they're never going to work again so working on my kevin spacey

01:35does nothing for my career just makes me get in trouble you know so it's it's that kind of thing like

01:43you're i it's constantly happening and we talked about this the other week we're all there every

01:48time i i think you know robin williams passes away one of my favorite people to do and i don't do it

01:53in the show but people will call it out and at the end it's always the same thing like there's some

01:57robin williams oh no and people like oh that's one then it becomes tribute-y you know kind of rich

02:04little-ish kind of feeling and now i'm doing 1970s comedy yeah that's i mean there's a there's a reality to

02:11that when you're not a president anymore uh people don't care so much uh and that was what that's

02:17kind of the transition i was doing before i got to that i was trying to find things that made sense

02:22and made people seem more relevant like the george w bush you know when you're president you have to

02:28know what's that's funny i i try to stay not political but i just you hear so much stuff but um

02:35i you know president's supposed to know what's going on in the world when you're a former president

02:39they don't they don't ask you those tough questions anymore they don't care they're just

02:42happy that you're on all right like with george w bush to ask him questions like what have you been

02:46doing since you've been president and i can't tell if his answers are real or not because he'll be like

02:50i'm not really sure man i guess i've been working on my facebook page playing some pokemon go just got

02:57a squirtle the other day man looking for some shinies throwing some pineapples man so it's that but that

03:06that was kind of that transition where i was like trying to find new stuff and now

03:11i'm even telling like last night because my family was in the crowd and that was weird because you've

03:15been doing a lot of family material yeah and they didn't really know that yeah i told them but they

03:21kind of just they didn't i don't know if they believe me or what but the first bit i do about

03:25is my wife and sleep talking in her sleep because she doesn't really make sense but the other night

03:31i hear something and i think it's a burglar or something like that but it's her she goes to the

03:34bathroom and she comes back right away i'm like you okay she's like yeah i was just looking for the

03:39cake i'm like what not some cake not a cake the cake and i start thinking is she hiding cake around

03:47the house i think you look in a lampshade there's you know some chocolate cake or is it or maybe it's

03:53just all kinds of desserts and then the laundry room there's a strudel all right it's that kind of

03:58stuff and so i'm just telling these stories and i can just see i didn't see her but she gave me a

04:03kiss before i left last night so i guess i didn't get in too much i was doing the fortnight stuff

04:07that i talked about and the fortnight stuff is just for the people who don't know what that is

04:11it's a video game that the kids are so addicted to and some adults that it's unbelievable and my

04:18son where they had these dances in it too and i was doing some of the dances for my son before

04:24the uh before the show he's like don't do that dude like not even for the show he's like don't

04:28ever do that again that's very how old is he i don't know no he's still he's about 14 he's about

04:34to turn 14 he's not about 14 he's 13 presently but next week he turns uh 14 on the 26th yeah oh

04:42he's a leo yeah yeah yeah there's another performer in the midst i don't know i mean he's really he's

04:49actually a really good actor if he wants to but he doesn't want to okay he doesn't want to do

04:53anything it's kind of i i think i my mom says that's exactly the way i was and looking back i

04:59i gotta believe tell me about tell me about because there's no here are things i don't know about you

05:07okay yeah where are you originally from i don't yeah uh parts unknown parts i wear a mask i'm dr x uh

05:14i uh i was born in chicago area okay yeah and uh the only place in the world chicago where you can

05:20go to get food on your way to get food hey you want to stop with me uh at johnny's beef on the way

05:26to armand's pizza what you're getting food to get food hey it takes a while you know it takes 45 minutes

05:31to get there uh so that's uh i but i grew up when my dad was uh when i was four not when my dad was

05:38four because i didn't know him then when i was four my dad moved to the milwaukee area okay so we

05:44basically grew up in wisconsin it's called waukesha probably 15 minutes from where jj watt is from

05:51okay yeah and maybe it's chicago maybe it's wisconsin you are the least italian italian i know right my

05:57wife told me that too i've got the blonde hair which would be what northern italy that would be northern

06:03yeah so uh but yeah my wife she she complains because she's when i met her family it was it was the

06:10sopranos but a cartoon version of them that's how far but she's like you guys are you know she's

06:15like your family's watered down i'm like yeah well we're hiding from people

06:22i got an uncle i got an uncle that i can talk about partially uh but he was like

06:29he's always throwing things out like uh you know frankie when we were with uh when i was with

06:33shinatra what come on doing what carrying luggage for him what are you talking about but he would

06:39always he would do this uh he would he was like a mafioso kind of guy he was totally mafia but he was

06:46dealing cheese you know so he's and he had this he would get angry about it i don't understand he just

06:54gets so worked up he go you don't understand frankie you can't get cheese in chicago without going through

07:00me what is that why are you so upset what are you gonna do put me on the cheese wheel i don't

07:08understand so yeah my family is pretty watered down her brother i mean it's i can't i don't even know

07:17what i can say on the air i haven't worked on some of that stuff but her brother when i met him

07:21he was i mean full on like let you have a talk really yeah oh yeah like his shoulders were at his ears

07:29that kind of guy you know now now where's she from that they're so goomba cleveland from

07:39dad's from west virginia uh yeah well you know immigrants came over that so west virginia uh just

07:46your dad not her dad and her brother uh so that look you gave me i was like what uh so and her you

07:53know uh her grandma's from sicily and they built they worked they all came to lorraine for the steel mill

07:59built the houses all that kind of stuff yeah all right and her dad was a uh her dad was a special

08:04agent in the u.s for the u.s yeah really an italian special agent hey we took show him at a gun home

08:10you know and and how is the princess how's your daughter doing she's doing great uh my wife and

08:18she and my wife i don't know i see it with my wife and her mom like my wife will just ask yeah it's

08:23unbelievable yeah yeah they're just batting like she goes you're not gonna believe what my mom said

08:28well stop talking to her it makes it a lot easier don't because my wife will ask me questions and

08:34then not like my answer and then go ask her mom and i'm like well then why did you even waste your

08:38time on me am i filler is that what i am and then she'll say your mom's my mom said the same thing you

08:43did i'm like oh we both agree it's right she's like you're both wrong we're totally opposite ends of

08:49the spectrum it's like getting food before you get food yeah right none of it makes sense nothing

08:54nothing makes sense and that's kind of where my point of view is coming from on stage because my

08:58point of view is like always like observational pick this out and my right now it's like what i

09:03don't get that how is this all happening how do we think that this is normal yes that's where it's all

09:09coming from and whenever i talk in that manner like when i'm watching my son play the video games and

09:14i don't get it i don't know if i told you the other day maybe i did or not but it was when he's

09:18playing fortnight he gets so into the game like reality stops he comes out of his bunker and he's

09:23he's like what's that and i'm like daylight that's what it looks like you vampire what

09:30he's like where's my where's my sandwich and i didn't know you ordered one what are you talking

09:35about what shouldn't you be looking for blood that you're that pale that you haven't seen any daylight

09:41i don't know and so it's it's it's all that kind of stuff and the kids stuff is really amazing to me

09:47because it was you know i don't i don't like babies i don't enjoy them because you know they

09:55just they just need so much right it's like they just want stuff but they can't tell you what they

09:59want all the time that they were babies you were on the road yeah yeah i tried i would i just

10:04wasn't that interested i mean i love them but i if you can't talk when my kids started talking but

10:10then my wife always wants more kids she's like we i want to have another baby i'm like let's get a dog

10:15instead so now we have 12 dogs oh god an army of sheets

10:34you

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