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MJTV: Roxanne's Gas Problem
Beasley Digital
Follow
4/22/2025
MJTV: Roxanne's Gas Problem
Category
😹
Fun
Transcript
Display full video transcript
00:00
I don't know what I'm looking for, MJ.
00:01
I'm just surprised at how far she's gotten in life.
00:04
Such success.
00:06
Hold on.
00:07
Such success has her in a room with the three of us.
00:12
So, Roxanne, I'm sorry.
00:13
Let's get to your gasoline problem.
00:15
You just called me Roxanne.
00:16
Okay, now, Roxanne says that she has a gas problem,
00:19
and I can't wait to hear what Roxanne's gas problem is.
00:27
Rox.
00:28
I'm sorry for being so gross.
00:32
That's my favorite.
00:34
I went to get gasoline this morning in my car.
00:37
Can I ask you a question first, Ralph, about why the hell are you getting gas at 5 o'clock in the morning?
00:43
That doesn't seem like a really smart thing to do.
00:45
Go the evening before, like I do.
00:46
Why wouldn't you get gas, like, Saturday or Sunday, like, during the day or daylight hours
00:51
and not when you're rushed to get into the studio?
00:54
Because I had my children with me.
00:58
This morning?
00:58
No, the entire weekend.
00:59
Oh, you left them in the car?
01:01
Yeah.
01:01
They're out of the car?
01:02
They're strapped in?
01:03
Can't get gas with your kids in the car?
01:04
Come on.
01:05
No, I just don't like to.
01:06
It's like a pet peeve.
01:07
Because you think the car's going to...
01:10
I just feel like it's vulnerable.
01:14
Like, I'm outside the car.
01:15
They're inside the car.
01:16
I just don't like to do it.
01:18
Don't leave your keys in the car, you know.
01:20
No, I don't do that.
01:21
Leave it running.
01:22
Yeah, you've heard of people, yeah, they go to the gas station, they have their kids strapped
01:25
in the car seat in the back, leave the keys in the center console, maybe the car's running,
01:29
and a carjacker jumps in, takes the car, rips the hose out of the pump like it's a Fester's
01:34
gas man stunt.
01:35
Imagine this, though, Roxanne.
01:36
Imagine how uncomfortable it's going to be when you run out of gas with your kids in the car.
01:41
Now, that's going to be awkward.
01:42
Guys, I didn't want to get gas because I didn't want to feel vulnerable, but now we're stuck
01:45
on the side of the road, so...
01:47
Yeah, you know, I think, Roxanne, I would recommend that you should get gas.
01:52
I was in the car by myself this morning, so had I run out of gas, but I'm glad you brought
01:57
that up.
01:58
And a single woman with no gas or at a dark gas station in the wee hours of the morning.
02:03
That's not...
02:03
I don't think that's a very intelligent thing.
02:05
It's not vulnerable?
02:05
Listen, I've got to tell you something.
02:06
We're looking out for your safety.
02:08
I don't think you need to be filling up your car at five o'clock in the morning.
02:11
Listen to what happened.
02:12
So, last night, I go out and I check to see how much gas I have.
02:16
Can I make it to work?
02:17
Oh, let me guess.
02:18
It was a full tank when you checked, and then this morning it was empty.
02:20
Siphoned out.
02:21
No.
02:21
You were siphoned.
02:22
You were ripped off.
02:24
There's a gas band.
02:25
It's a zombie apocalypse.
02:26
They need the gas.
02:27
It's the West Chase gas bandit.
02:29
It's crazier than that.
02:30
They're pumping people's gas out of their cars from the driveway at three o'clock in
02:33
the morning in West Chase.
02:35
And the whole time, he's just pissed.
02:38
No.
02:38
The gas bandit hit the enclave last weekend.
02:41
Yeah.
02:41
So, I had more than enough gas to get to work today when I left.
02:46
It's the gas bandit somewhere close.
02:48
Sounds like it.
02:49
I can smell it.
02:50
All right.
02:51
Go.
02:51
And?
02:52
And when I got in the car and started driving down Linebaugh, my gas just starts going down,
02:58
down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down.
03:00
I feel, no.
03:01
I feel like my car knows me.
03:03
Like Springsteen.
03:04
Like Springsteen is going down, down, down, down, down.
03:07
What song is that?
03:09
I don't know.
03:09
What is that Springsteen song?
03:11
It's I'm going down, down, down, down, down.
03:14
Woo.
03:15
Yeah.
03:16
Isn't that a Springsteen song?
03:17
I'm going down, down, down, down, down.
03:20
And then he screams.
03:21
Yeah.
03:22
Do we have a Springsteen?
03:23
I think it's called I'm Going Down, isn't it?
03:25
All right.
03:26
Doesn't that expensive car you have tell you the exact mileage?
03:29
I think it's so.
03:30
It does.
03:30
I think it's so smart, though.
03:32
Roxanne's got the same car your wife has.
03:34
Yes.
03:34
And his car tells you the exact mileage.
03:36
It doesn't drop when you're going to run out of gas.
03:38
Listen, I think my car was nervous for me.
03:40
It knows my drive to work, knows I have to go over the bridge, and is like, no, Roxanne,
03:46
don't push it.
03:47
So it tricked me and went from like every three feet I would drive, it would drop a gallon.
03:52
Or excuse me, drop a mile.
03:54
Every three feet.
03:55
Are you, are you pilled up?
03:57
No, but I have been sniffing my gasoline arm all morning.
04:01
This is something else.
04:03
So, do we have a straitjacket somewhere?
04:06
So you get a padded room.
04:09
So getting gas obviously didn't go smoothly either.
04:12
No, then, then I had to do like a U-turn to get to the one place I was running late.
04:16
And so I get the gas, and I pulled the thing out or released it, released the pump, and
04:22
it all sprayed back on me.
04:24
And so it's on my arms and my shirt.
04:26
I made Coop actually sniff me when I got to work.
04:29
And so he's not the one.
04:31
It definitely is, Froggy, to go outside and sniff for gas.
04:33
What was it like sniffing Roxanne this morning?
04:35
I felt kind of uncomfortable because I was like, is this a setup?
04:38
Yeah, it's an HR setup.
04:40
But she did smell like a little bit of perfume and gasoline mixed together.
04:43
And then this creepy guy, Coop, he sniffed me.
04:47
I'd like to file a formal complaint.
04:49
I was sniffed by our producers at Coop.
04:52
Coop said that you asked him to sniff you.
04:55
I'm just happy we have the cameras in here so that it's documented on video.
04:59
Well, the cameras will just show you sniffing her.
05:02
Yeah.
05:03
Doesn't mean that this.
05:04
Very true.
05:05
Doesn't mean there's audio of her.
05:07
With a Bon Jovi song playing in the background.
05:09
Exactly.
05:10
The camera will also show Roxanne gleefully holding her wrist out.
05:13
So, I mean, it could be in Coop's defense.
05:15
Did you play the Springsteen song I'm Looking For?
05:16
I did.
05:17
It is called I'm Going Down.
05:18
Right.
05:18
To your eyes, I'm going down, down, down, down.
05:23
I'm going down.
05:24
Yeah, this is Roxanne's gas tank singing.
05:27
I'm going down.
05:28
Why was it still like, hey, Bruce, how about we change the name of this one?
05:32
Yeah, the mileage on Roxanne's car is going.
05:35
Is the name of the song I'm Going Down?
05:37
It's called I'm Going Down.
05:38
Yeah, that was like a semi-hit.
05:40
I don't think a lot of radio stations play that anymore.
05:44
You know, the more that we get to know Roxanne, the more I am shocked at how she gets through a day.
05:51
I mean, really.
05:52
It's almost like she just floats through the day.
05:54
I live on the edge a little bit.
05:56
Would you elaborate, Froggy?
05:57
It's like, it's almost, is it aloof?
06:00
Is the word aloof what I'm looking for?
06:01
No, it is not aloof.
06:03
MJ, what's worse than aloof?
06:06
Just one click below aloof.
06:08
It's just like you're sort of a clueless.
06:09
No.
06:10
No, she's not clueless.
06:11
She's very smart.
06:12
She's higher than clueless.
06:13
Oh, no, I wasn't suggesting.
06:15
No, you just asked me what's.
06:17
Right.
06:18
No, she's very smart, obviously.
06:20
What's adjacent to aloof?
06:21
You know, clueless comes to mind.
06:23
You guys don't understand the definition of aloof.
06:25
Neither of you do.
06:26
Ignorance is bliss.
06:27
Does that apply?
06:28
Yeah, that's maybe somewhat.
06:30
Yeah.
06:31
Or like absent-minded professor.
06:33
I don't know what I'm looking for, MJ.
06:35
I'm just surprised at how far she's gotten in life.
06:37
Such success.
06:39
Hold on.
06:39
Such success has her in a room with the three of us.
06:44
Right.
06:44
That's true.
06:45
And an illustrious two-year career at Bay News 9.
06:48
I mean.
06:49
I'm sorry.
06:49
How long were you?
06:51
Oh, okay, mister.
06:52
I'm sorry.
06:53
I don't have a 20-year successful highest-rated show in the Bay Area.
06:56
25.
06:57
Wait a second.
06:57
So how long?
07:00
Someone likes to look back at the past and really.
07:02
Okay.
07:02
How long were you on Bay News?
07:03
I was at Bay News 9 for like eight years or something.
07:05
Oh, I'm sorry.
07:06
I apologize.
07:07
So I never had Spectro.
07:09
I never had, what was it back then?
07:10
Bright House?
07:11
So I didn't have Bright House at my house.
07:14
Oh, you missed them.
07:14
You missed them.
07:15
My house was not very bright.
07:16
So I didn't get to, I didn't see Bay News 9 much.
07:18
Oh, well, you missed out.
07:19
Yeah.
07:21
Oblivious?
07:21
Is that what I'm looking for?
07:23
Oblivious.
07:23
Yes.
07:24
That's exactly what you're looking for.
07:26
I don't know.
07:26
I'm just trying to.
07:27
Oblivious.
07:27
You realize we're talking about you.
07:29
Yes.
07:30
Yes, but I want to get your words correct.
07:32
Oblivious.
07:33
Because you guys don't know the definition.
07:33
That's a decent word.
07:35
Decent word.
07:36
And I'm still concerned.
07:37
About your gas tank just going down, down, down, down.
07:41
Down, down, down, down.
07:43
I'm going down, down, down, down.
07:46
When was that Springsteen song a semi-hit?
07:48
Was that 1985?
07:50
I would imagine.
07:51
When was that?
07:52
Probably right around then.
07:53
All right.
07:53
He wrote this song on an elevator.
07:56
I'm Going Down.
07:57
Springsteen is the name of the song.
08:00
I don't know, Bruce.
08:01
You might want to change it.
08:03
I don't think I like the title.
08:04
When was that?
08:05
I think it was 1984.
08:06
84.
08:06
84.
08:07
84.
08:07
Oh, it was off the Born in the USA album.
08:11
So what you have to do, obviously, today after the show is call Fields BMW.
08:14
Have that valet service come to you.
08:16
So they bring your car to their facility to check it out for the gas problem and just
08:21
tell them it's going down, down, down, down.
08:24
What's wrong with your car, man?
08:25
The gas nozzle's going down, down.
08:27
There is no, there's nothing wrong with Roxanne's car.
08:30
It's apparently going down, down, down, down, down.
08:32
I'm thinking it's, it's, it's, it knows me well.
08:35
It's operator error.
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