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  • 4/22/2025
MJTV: Roxanne's Gas Problem

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Fun
Transcript
00:00I don't know what I'm looking for, MJ.
00:01I'm just surprised at how far she's gotten in life.
00:04Such success.
00:06Hold on.
00:07Such success has her in a room with the three of us.
00:12So, Roxanne, I'm sorry.
00:13Let's get to your gasoline problem.
00:15You just called me Roxanne.
00:16Okay, now, Roxanne says that she has a gas problem,
00:19and I can't wait to hear what Roxanne's gas problem is.
00:27Rox.
00:28I'm sorry for being so gross.
00:32That's my favorite.
00:34I went to get gasoline this morning in my car.
00:37Can I ask you a question first, Ralph, about why the hell are you getting gas at 5 o'clock in the morning?
00:43That doesn't seem like a really smart thing to do.
00:45Go the evening before, like I do.
00:46Why wouldn't you get gas, like, Saturday or Sunday, like, during the day or daylight hours
00:51and not when you're rushed to get into the studio?
00:54Because I had my children with me.
00:58This morning?
00:58No, the entire weekend.
00:59Oh, you left them in the car?
01:01Yeah.
01:01They're out of the car?
01:02They're strapped in?
01:03Can't get gas with your kids in the car?
01:04Come on.
01:05No, I just don't like to.
01:06It's like a pet peeve.
01:07Because you think the car's going to...
01:10I just feel like it's vulnerable.
01:14Like, I'm outside the car.
01:15They're inside the car.
01:16I just don't like to do it.
01:18Don't leave your keys in the car, you know.
01:20No, I don't do that.
01:21Leave it running.
01:22Yeah, you've heard of people, yeah, they go to the gas station, they have their kids strapped
01:25in the car seat in the back, leave the keys in the center console, maybe the car's running,
01:29and a carjacker jumps in, takes the car, rips the hose out of the pump like it's a Fester's
01:34gas man stunt.
01:35Imagine this, though, Roxanne.
01:36Imagine how uncomfortable it's going to be when you run out of gas with your kids in the car.
01:41Now, that's going to be awkward.
01:42Guys, I didn't want to get gas because I didn't want to feel vulnerable, but now we're stuck
01:45on the side of the road, so...
01:47Yeah, you know, I think, Roxanne, I would recommend that you should get gas.
01:52I was in the car by myself this morning, so had I run out of gas, but I'm glad you brought
01:57that up.
01:58And a single woman with no gas or at a dark gas station in the wee hours of the morning.
02:03That's not...
02:03I don't think that's a very intelligent thing.
02:05It's not vulnerable?
02:05Listen, I've got to tell you something.
02:06We're looking out for your safety.
02:08I don't think you need to be filling up your car at five o'clock in the morning.
02:11Listen to what happened.
02:12So, last night, I go out and I check to see how much gas I have.
02:16Can I make it to work?
02:17Oh, let me guess.
02:18It was a full tank when you checked, and then this morning it was empty.
02:20Siphoned out.
02:21No.
02:21You were siphoned.
02:22You were ripped off.
02:24There's a gas band.
02:25It's a zombie apocalypse.
02:26They need the gas.
02:27It's the West Chase gas bandit.
02:29It's crazier than that.
02:30They're pumping people's gas out of their cars from the driveway at three o'clock in
02:33the morning in West Chase.
02:35And the whole time, he's just pissed.
02:38No.
02:38The gas bandit hit the enclave last weekend.
02:41Yeah.
02:41So, I had more than enough gas to get to work today when I left.
02:46It's the gas bandit somewhere close.
02:48Sounds like it.
02:49I can smell it.
02:50All right.
02:51Go.
02:51And?
02:52And when I got in the car and started driving down Linebaugh, my gas just starts going down,
02:58down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down.
03:00I feel, no.
03:01I feel like my car knows me.
03:03Like Springsteen.
03:04Like Springsteen is going down, down, down, down, down.
03:07What song is that?
03:09I don't know.
03:09What is that Springsteen song?
03:11It's I'm going down, down, down, down, down.
03:14Woo.
03:15Yeah.
03:16Isn't that a Springsteen song?
03:17I'm going down, down, down, down, down.
03:20And then he screams.
03:21Yeah.
03:22Do we have a Springsteen?
03:23I think it's called I'm Going Down, isn't it?
03:25All right.
03:26Doesn't that expensive car you have tell you the exact mileage?
03:29I think it's so.
03:30It does.
03:30I think it's so smart, though.
03:32Roxanne's got the same car your wife has.
03:34Yes.
03:34And his car tells you the exact mileage.
03:36It doesn't drop when you're going to run out of gas.
03:38Listen, I think my car was nervous for me.
03:40It knows my drive to work, knows I have to go over the bridge, and is like, no, Roxanne,
03:46don't push it.
03:47So it tricked me and went from like every three feet I would drive, it would drop a gallon.
03:52Or excuse me, drop a mile.
03:54Every three feet.
03:55Are you, are you pilled up?
03:57No, but I have been sniffing my gasoline arm all morning.
04:01This is something else.
04:03So, do we have a straitjacket somewhere?
04:06So you get a padded room.
04:09So getting gas obviously didn't go smoothly either.
04:12No, then, then I had to do like a U-turn to get to the one place I was running late.
04:16And so I get the gas, and I pulled the thing out or released it, released the pump, and
04:22it all sprayed back on me.
04:24And so it's on my arms and my shirt.
04:26I made Coop actually sniff me when I got to work.
04:29And so he's not the one.
04:31It definitely is, Froggy, to go outside and sniff for gas.
04:33What was it like sniffing Roxanne this morning?
04:35I felt kind of uncomfortable because I was like, is this a setup?
04:38Yeah, it's an HR setup.
04:40But she did smell like a little bit of perfume and gasoline mixed together.
04:43And then this creepy guy, Coop, he sniffed me.
04:47I'd like to file a formal complaint.
04:49I was sniffed by our producers at Coop.
04:52Coop said that you asked him to sniff you.
04:55I'm just happy we have the cameras in here so that it's documented on video.
04:59Well, the cameras will just show you sniffing her.
05:02Yeah.
05:03Doesn't mean that this.
05:04Very true.
05:05Doesn't mean there's audio of her.
05:07With a Bon Jovi song playing in the background.
05:09Exactly.
05:10The camera will also show Roxanne gleefully holding her wrist out.
05:13So, I mean, it could be in Coop's defense.
05:15Did you play the Springsteen song I'm Looking For?
05:16I did.
05:17It is called I'm Going Down.
05:18Right.
05:18To your eyes, I'm going down, down, down, down.
05:23I'm going down.
05:24Yeah, this is Roxanne's gas tank singing.
05:27I'm going down.
05:28Why was it still like, hey, Bruce, how about we change the name of this one?
05:32Yeah, the mileage on Roxanne's car is going.
05:35Is the name of the song I'm Going Down?
05:37It's called I'm Going Down.
05:38Yeah, that was like a semi-hit.
05:40I don't think a lot of radio stations play that anymore.
05:44You know, the more that we get to know Roxanne, the more I am shocked at how she gets through a day.
05:51I mean, really.
05:52It's almost like she just floats through the day.
05:54I live on the edge a little bit.
05:56Would you elaborate, Froggy?
05:57It's like, it's almost, is it aloof?
06:00Is the word aloof what I'm looking for?
06:01No, it is not aloof.
06:03MJ, what's worse than aloof?
06:06Just one click below aloof.
06:08It's just like you're sort of a clueless.
06:09No.
06:10No, she's not clueless.
06:11She's very smart.
06:12She's higher than clueless.
06:13Oh, no, I wasn't suggesting.
06:15No, you just asked me what's.
06:17Right.
06:18No, she's very smart, obviously.
06:20What's adjacent to aloof?
06:21You know, clueless comes to mind.
06:23You guys don't understand the definition of aloof.
06:25Neither of you do.
06:26Ignorance is bliss.
06:27Does that apply?
06:28Yeah, that's maybe somewhat.
06:30Yeah.
06:31Or like absent-minded professor.
06:33I don't know what I'm looking for, MJ.
06:35I'm just surprised at how far she's gotten in life.
06:37Such success.
06:39Hold on.
06:39Such success has her in a room with the three of us.
06:44Right.
06:44That's true.
06:45And an illustrious two-year career at Bay News 9.
06:48I mean.
06:49I'm sorry.
06:49How long were you?
06:51Oh, okay, mister.
06:52I'm sorry.
06:53I don't have a 20-year successful highest-rated show in the Bay Area.
06:5625.
06:57Wait a second.
06:57So how long?
07:00Someone likes to look back at the past and really.
07:02Okay.
07:02How long were you on Bay News?
07:03I was at Bay News 9 for like eight years or something.
07:05Oh, I'm sorry.
07:06I apologize.
07:07So I never had Spectro.
07:09I never had, what was it back then?
07:10Bright House?
07:11So I didn't have Bright House at my house.
07:14Oh, you missed them.
07:14You missed them.
07:15My house was not very bright.
07:16So I didn't get to, I didn't see Bay News 9 much.
07:18Oh, well, you missed out.
07:19Yeah.
07:21Oblivious?
07:21Is that what I'm looking for?
07:23Oblivious.
07:23Yes.
07:24That's exactly what you're looking for.
07:26I don't know.
07:26I'm just trying to.
07:27Oblivious.
07:27You realize we're talking about you.
07:29Yes.
07:30Yes, but I want to get your words correct.
07:32Oblivious.
07:33Because you guys don't know the definition.
07:33That's a decent word.
07:35Decent word.
07:36And I'm still concerned.
07:37About your gas tank just going down, down, down, down.
07:41Down, down, down, down.
07:43I'm going down, down, down, down.
07:46When was that Springsteen song a semi-hit?
07:48Was that 1985?
07:50I would imagine.
07:51When was that?
07:52Probably right around then.
07:53All right.
07:53He wrote this song on an elevator.
07:56I'm Going Down.
07:57Springsteen is the name of the song.
08:00I don't know, Bruce.
08:01You might want to change it.
08:03I don't think I like the title.
08:04When was that?
08:05I think it was 1984.
08:0684.
08:0684.
08:0784.
08:07Oh, it was off the Born in the USA album.
08:11So what you have to do, obviously, today after the show is call Fields BMW.
08:14Have that valet service come to you.
08:16So they bring your car to their facility to check it out for the gas problem and just
08:21tell them it's going down, down, down, down.
08:24What's wrong with your car, man?
08:25The gas nozzle's going down, down.
08:27There is no, there's nothing wrong with Roxanne's car.
08:30It's apparently going down, down, down, down, down.
08:32I'm thinking it's, it's, it's, it knows me well.
08:35It's operator error.

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