Human Mating Calls

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about what it would be like if humans had to go through similar mating rituals as animals.

Transcript

00:00we're off to georgia now imagine chuck you're asleep in your bed with your lovely bride okay

00:11yes and in wedding bliss and a man breaks into your house naked and gets into bed with you guys

00:19how you doing man

00:20that'd be a weird conversation um you mind is this cool

00:28yeah i don't care chuck would cuddle up this is cool you're making me uncomfortable man i didn't say

00:34you could do that already well um just don't tell james where are you putting my hand

00:40magic spot that took a turn i didn't expect the naked guy to get uncomfortable yeah i'm uncomfortable

00:47you better watch what bed you climb into pal yeah exactly you just all of a sudden the guy's got

00:52no throat i feel bad for whoever does that to me his eyeballs are both out i feel like your dad

00:57maybe not on the same scale but lenny lisa's husband would react similar to your dad if put

01:02in a military he's a trained soldier yeah so he's a trained soldier and he thinks sometimes he'll hear

01:08things in the middle of the night and he reacts a little bit i'm like oh my gosh you will kill

01:12someone yeah yeah it's good there's not a lot of people around you guys no it's probably a good

01:16thing i last night heard something and went down to kill it had my big knife i was ready to go kill

01:22it i want to see chuck walk around in his underwear with just a big knife i did i had it

01:28and i was like what the hell is this it sounded like um someone was rustling through like boxes and

01:38stuff oh man it was the guinea pigs oh guinea pigs oh yeah oh that's hilarious something you know

01:44what happened to us last night my brain didn't say it was guinea pigs like i went down to kill i thought

01:49i was like here we go god damn it here we go jameson's going crazy barking at something outside

01:54and i started to hear it it was like owls were mating like mating making making mating noises

02:00really i'll bang so loud i'm sure it's really loud it was like they were on a megaphone oh yeah

02:06when i opened the back door i'm like holy hell imagine how loud we'd be if we had to call for it

02:12honestly if humans if humans did it like that's all you'd hear that's all you'd hear all day

02:27i want sex

02:29i'm horny

02:31i wish it was like that i'd actually have sex looking for a woman i wish it was like that

02:37looking for a woman

02:38i hope this is on i am looking for sex

02:44i am looking for sex

02:48what a different world it would be if we had to call for it

02:56it really would be i guess once in a while women would call for it

02:59not as much as men

03:01i need some sex

03:02and then there'd be like

03:03there'd be like a hundred dudes

03:05no but they gotta call for quite like

03:06sex

03:08right because they'd be

03:09and they'd be

03:10exactly

03:10they'd get a million people banging on their door

03:13they do one little sex whispers

03:14sex

03:15sex

03:16and then a guy just like hops out of the pool

03:17i'm here and he takes two

03:20looking for sex over here

03:22looking for some sex

03:25anyone

03:26sex

03:29hey

03:30hey little lady

03:32hey someone's on sex

03:33hey you get out of here

03:34you get out of here

03:36fight

03:36you get out of here

03:37that's how it would be guys

03:42we're lucky

03:43listen we're lucky

03:44we ride the discotheque

03:46discotheque

03:48and do our dancing

03:49that's our mating ritual

03:51thank god that's our mating ritual

03:53yeah

03:53or now it's just swipe

03:54now it's just swipe

03:56yeah

03:56that's our mating ritual

03:58that's our mating ritual

03:59before you had to

04:00it's real quiet

04:00yeah

04:01before it was at the discotheque

04:02and it's all it would take

04:05was one girl being like

04:06sex

04:06yeah i mean like there are guys

04:08no guys

04:09guys

04:10spend all their money

04:12on the best listening equipment

04:13oh you're right

04:15they would have headphones

04:16like this big

04:16and they'd have these satellites

04:18they'd hear the faintest of like

04:21i got one

04:24i got one

04:26it would triangulate the location

04:28of where the noise came from

04:30jason said his would just be

04:33this

04:33yeah

04:35of course

04:36if you've got a talent

04:37jason's looking for a mate

04:40yeah

04:41he's on a hill

04:43yeah i don't blame him

04:45blowing his horn

04:46he'd be inundated

04:47yeah i guess we are

04:48considerably lucky

04:50that uh

04:51as humans

04:51we don't have to

04:52sound our mating calls

04:53dude i think about it

04:54i think about it all the time

04:56like when you

04:56look at other animals

04:58and all the crap

04:58they have to go through

04:59like birds have got to

05:01do all sorts of

05:03look at my tail

05:04you know

05:04look at it

05:05you gotta do like a dance

05:06and stuff

05:06yeah you're right

05:07you gotta show them

05:07if we had to do that

05:09like if we

05:09if that was just

05:10we have different things

05:11comparable

05:12that's what i mean

05:13like we do do

05:14dumb stuff

05:15we still dance

05:16like we do dance

05:17and girls are like

05:18oh yeah that's

05:18and that guy

05:19can really dance

05:20you know

05:21like i mean it's

05:22we're not that far off

05:24it is sweet

05:24you don't have to like

05:25fight like some of the

05:26like a ram

05:27like a ram's always

05:28gotta be like

05:28here we go

05:29yeah exactly

05:30when only the biggest guy

05:32gets it

05:33and we do that like

05:39six times

05:40and then it's like

05:40i don't know

05:41and one of them

05:41like fine man

05:42just have her

05:43that hurts

05:43so god damn much

05:45what are we talking

05:46about is it certain

05:47monkeys that show off

05:48their b-hole to their

05:49mates in order to

05:49i honestly i don't

05:50know

05:51did we talk about

05:52that on the show

05:53i don't know

05:53that was part of

05:54their mating ritual

05:55that'd be a hell

05:57of a thing too

05:57hey take a look

05:59see

05:59i think those monkeys

06:01stole my move

06:02yeah i think they did

06:03someone said

06:04with my luck

06:05i'll call for sex

06:06and james would show up

06:07well you wish

06:08only in your wildest dreams

06:10dudes would have the

06:11best listening equipment

06:12oh yeah

06:12they would

06:13every time you

06:15screamed for sex

06:17there would be

06:17nine dudes

06:18and maybe

06:19one chick shows up

06:20yeah we gotta fight

06:22yeah

06:22just we're lucky

06:23yeah we are

06:24that humans don't

06:25have to make noise

06:26all we have to do

06:27is swipe now

06:28yeah

06:29yeah

06:30yeah

Category

Transcript

Recommended