Gas Station Fight

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a brawl that took place at a gas station in Birmingham.

Transcript

00:00Birmingham police are trying to get to the bottom of what started a brawl at a gas station

00:12on Maple Road.

00:13Five people started assaulting each other, it looks like in three different cars, at

00:18the mobile station on Maple Road.

00:20All the people left the station before the cops arrived.

00:22One of them came back, though.

00:24No arrests or injuries were reported.

00:25And the video, just the surveillance video, it's hard to really tell what...

00:30Was it like a white person brawl?

00:32Like, you know...

00:33I don't think it is.

00:34Rich Birmingham?

00:35That's what you would think it would be.

00:36That's how I assume a brawl goes in Birmingham, like if Chuck and Andy were...

00:42I dare say!

00:44Sir, cut me off, you...

00:46Just, you're a bastard is what you are.

00:49Clearly, I have the right of way in this scenario.

00:52Here's my handbook on driving.

00:54You don't, I've checked both my smartphone apps.

00:57Oh, really?

00:58I'm a liar!

00:59You're a liar and you're going to jail.

01:01You, sir, are a son of a bitch!

01:03I think we should fight.

01:05I think we should duel!

01:06We should lock in fisticuffs.

01:08Let me take these white gloves off and slap you upon the face, we'll put in a...

01:11I need to take my...

01:12Slap!

01:13I'm gonna...

01:13Oh!

01:14In the face!

01:15Oh, you're getting an ascot to the face.

01:17Oh!

01:19Oh, you dirty, dirty son of a...

01:21Ascot!

01:21Take that, I have to take my blazer off.

01:24Yeah, listen.

01:25There are some ground rules here before we brawl.

01:27All right.

01:29Don't mess with each other's hair.

01:30No, this is expensive hair, right?

01:32Do not mess these slacks.

01:34Those are nice slacks, I must say.

01:36You have a fantastic pair of slacks yourself!

01:38I like the cut of your jib, sir.

01:40But I do not like the way you drive.

01:42I believe we should take our shoes off, because these, of course, are Corinthian leather.

01:47I just had a mani-pedi.

01:50Those toes do look nice.

01:52Look at them.

01:53Drink them in before they kick you in the face.

01:58If those are the last things I see, then I've lived a good life.

02:01You have.

02:03Here in Birmingham.

02:05Birmingham.

02:05The streets will run red with your blood today!

02:09Yes, they will.

02:10And because we pay our taxes just right here, they will clean it up very promptly.

02:16I have fencing gear.

02:18Do you want to fence?

02:19Oh, yes, of course.

02:20Okay, that's how we'll handle it.

02:21I am no novice when it comes to fencing, good sir.

02:24Nor I!

02:25But God, good sir.

02:27Don't hit the Bentley, though.

02:30Don't hit the cars.

02:31Oh, yeah, no.

02:32You scratched my Bentley.

02:34Now you must die.

02:36Did I scratch your Bentley?

02:37You did.

02:38You did.

02:38Let me put my feet...

02:38Well, kill me, then, because I just...

02:40You understand.

02:40I cannot afford to fix that.

02:42No, you cannot.

02:43I'm going to put my beautiful feet away here and...

02:46Choke the life out of you.

02:49Yep.

02:50You're listening to a Birmingham gas station.

02:52The feet look for me.

02:54I'm sorry it came to this.

02:56Your feet smell of cucumber?

02:59They were soaking them overnight.

03:05It's a little different.

03:06I don't think that's how the brawl went, though.

03:08No.

03:08Judging by the video.

03:10It was more like, I'm going to kick your ass, bitch!

03:13I'm going to kick your ass, bitch!

03:14No, bitch!

03:15You're a bitch!

03:15Oh, you are a bitch!

03:19There were some guys that were like, God damn it, get out of here.

03:22Fast.

03:23Oh, jeez.

03:24Somebody needs to alert me.

03:26Alert the police.

03:28There are scared white people here.

03:29This is burning hair, for goodness sakes!

03:32Oh, boy!

03:34Yeah, the response would have been swift and painful.

03:37Dirk was quite a boring thing.

03:40I was eating a scone, and I looked out, and two ragamuffins were out there fighting.

03:45Oh, dear heaven.

03:46I tell you, it's all true.

03:50I was there, and I saw a toll.

03:52He did.

03:53We got in a fight first.

03:54I took my shoes off and showed him my mani-pedi that you recommended.

03:57Turns out, after that, we were great buddies.

03:59We went to play polo.

04:00Had so much in common.

04:03We were both so rich.

04:04We both love Earl Grey tea.

04:07Can you believe it?

04:11I fancied him a chamomile man at first, dear.

04:15What a shock it was.

04:17The best of friends at the unlikeliest of moments.

04:21Right before thrashing.

04:22The tale of how two gentlemen met at the Birmingham gas station.

04:31Yeah.

04:32I bet the people were probably, the witnesses were probably scared to death.

04:36Oh, yeah.

04:37Well, listen.

04:38God!

04:39Can I just tell you what I saw for just two godlessed seconds?

04:44First off, I'm at the gas station trying to get some high-grade quality gas in my Bentley.

04:51Finally, I hear this noise.

04:54What sounds like Snoop Dogg and his whole crew rolling up.

04:59And sure enough, a black guy in a Camaro jumps out of his car and starts pummeling another black guy.

05:07It was the most black people I've seen in probably six or seven years.

05:11You must have been petrified.

05:13Honestly, it's the most black people I've seen since watching a Lions game.

05:18Oh, dear Christ.

05:19That many?

05:20That many.

05:20So I just, I hid under my car and hoped for the best.

05:25I got on my cell phone.

05:27I called the authorities and they just came down and they choked them and tased them all

05:31and shot two of them.

05:34Are you going to tail this in a book?

05:38Yes, an autobiography.

05:39I'm going to, of course, pen with a ghostwriter.

05:42You know, you wouldn't give out your real name.

05:45Yeah, no.

05:46It's too dangerous.

05:47I bet you were scared to death.

05:49Oh, my God.

05:51I was very frightened.

05:54You were shaken in your brown hiking shoes.

05:56Oh, boy.

05:57I almost spit out my latte.

06:00I almost spit out my latte.

06:02I almost spit out my latte.

06:04I almost spit out my latte.

06:06I almost spit out my latte.

06:08I almost spit out my latte.

06:09I almost spit out my latte.

06:10I almost spit out my latte.

06:11I almost spit out my latte.

06:12I almost spit out my latte.

06:13I almost spit out my latte.

06:15I almost spit out my latte.

06:16I almost spit out my latte.

06:17I almost spit out my latte.

06:19I almost spit out my latte.

06:20I almost spit out my latte.

06:25I almost spit out my latte.

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