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00:00Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.
00:03Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.
00:09Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville of Tennessee.
00:11No, no.
00:12Hi.
00:13Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.
00:16Let's try that again. I'm going to do it out there.
00:18You sound like a bunch of drunk hookers.
00:19Hey, what's up, y'all? I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass. Woo!
00:23Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. You're watching Jackass.
00:28Chester Rumble.
00:30You like that?
00:35Yeah.
00:37I'm quitting the show, man.
00:39Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.
00:41I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.
00:48Hi, I'm Brad Pitt, and I'm going to get abducted.
01:18Yo, Brad Pitt, no s**t, no s**t, no s**t, no Brad Pitt, dude, it's time for me, man.
01:36Get him, get him out, what are you doing, what are you doing, hey, help, help, help, help,
01:47help, help, go zero, go裡, go down, go guide, go, go, go, go, go.
01:56Someone called a pod.
02:00Jack, what just happened, what the f**k, Brad Pitt got kidnapped.
02:08You see the ersatz? Brad Pitt was in line, and he was just kidnapped and thrown into a
02:13I'm really not kidding.
02:43Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is Dottie Barnett, and today, I am 90 years old.
02:59Look at her tush, mama.
03:00Now, don't you talk like that.
03:02Look at you. Grab a lovely tush, ma'am.
03:04That's not nice.
03:05You're welcome.
03:06See, I love, uh, can I do mine?
03:08What's that?
03:10I just want a couple of French fries.
03:11You're too bad, Irving.
03:13That's not right.
03:15Go find a place to sit down.
03:18That's embarrassing.
03:26You all right?
03:27Yeah.
03:28Okay, Irving.
03:30Oh!
03:34I'm all right.
03:36I'm all right.
03:37You don't want an ambulance?
03:38No, no ambulance.
03:39Leave me alone.
03:41I just want some soup.
03:42I'm looking for some sunglasses.
03:51Something very, uh, contemporary and handsome.
03:55Handsome and contemporary.
03:56And, and, and, and, uh, snazzy.
03:58Snazzy?
03:59Yeah.
04:00Uh, is, are they good in, uh, can I look at them in the sunlight?
04:04Sure.
04:05Has that sign always been there?
04:08The, uh...
04:11What's that?
04:11Can I get a sunglasses today?
04:17Oh, yeah, I forgot.
04:18Look how pretty she is, Dorothy.
04:22Look how nice her breasts are.
04:24You know, you're looking to be a dirty old man.
04:26We're sitting in a personal mood, man.
04:28Dorothy, look at that butt.
04:33Nice tush.
04:34Nice tush.
04:37Hey there.
04:38How are you?
04:40Could I offer you some weed or pot, marijuana?
04:47Here comes that son of a bitch, Renald.
04:49Where were you when I called you the other night?
05:15He started it.
05:18He's a bad person.
05:20He's not a good person.
05:22Never call me gay.
05:25I want my $200.
05:35Oh, my God.
05:38What did you have for dinner, ma'am?
05:40So here we are today on location
05:45filming Shaquille O'Neal's new rap video.
05:49This is Wee Man.
05:51God, that's the gayest way to introduce people.
05:52All right, keep saying it all.
05:55Ah, s***.
05:58Ah, ah!
06:07The things that jackass guys do, I do every day.
06:09You can see I'm out here wrestling with them.
06:11I haven't been hurt yet.
06:12I am the man of steel.
06:13You see this?
06:16Oh, my camera!
06:18What was that?
06:19That was pissed.
06:20You pissed me, man.
06:22Shaq loves Wee Man.
06:27Yeah!
06:28Yeah!
06:30Oh!
06:34I carry all the weight around this show.
06:36The highlights so far have been
06:48some poo diving in the kiddie pool.
06:50a lot of Shaq humping Wee Man.
07:03Oh!
07:03Oh!
07:08Oh!
07:08Oh!
07:09He deserved it, though.
07:10He's been trying to hump me and wrestle me all day.
07:13These guys are crazy.
07:15Excuse me, brother.
07:17Little kids, do not try this at home.
07:32Today we're going to be putting crickets into Steve-O's helmet.
07:34How many crickets are in here?
07:35There's 10,000 crickets in here right now.
07:36Do they carry any communicable diseases?
07:37No, they do not.
07:38Steve-O does.
07:39Hi, I'm Steve-O.
07:40And this is the cricket helmet.
07:41Oh!
07:42Oh!
07:43Oh!
07:44Oh!
07:45Oh!
07:46Oh!
07:47Oh!
07:48Oh!
07:49Oh!
07:50Oh!
07:51Oh!
07:52Oh!
07:53Oh!
07:54Oh!
07:55Oh!
07:56Oh!
07:57Oh!
07:58Oh!
07:59Oh!
08:00Oh!
08:01Oh!
08:02Oh!
08:03Oh!
08:04Oh!
08:05Oh!
08:06Oh!
08:07Oh!
08:08Oh!
08:09Oh!
08:10Oh!
08:11Oh!
08:12Oh!
08:13Oh!
08:14Oh!
08:15Oh!
08:16Oh!
08:17Oh!
08:18Oh!
08:19Oh!
08:20Oh!
08:21Oh!
08:22Oh!
08:23Oh!
08:24Oh!
08:25Oh!
08:26Oh!
08:27Oh!
08:28Oh!
08:29Oh!
08:30Oh!
08:31What's wrong with you?
08:41That is so gross.
08:44No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
08:46You got to, you got to do a fridge, like, leave back, leave back, no, no, no.
08:51Leave back, wait, wait, wait, wait.
08:56Oh, man.
08:57They smell so bad, they taste so bad, the way they crunch.
09:02That was a good idea, though, dude.
09:03What goes up must come down.
09:21Spinning wheel, got to go round.
09:27Talking about your troubles, it's a crying sin.
09:32Ride a painted pony, let the spinning wheel spin.
09:37You got no money and you got no home.
09:42Spinning wheel, all alone.
09:46Talking about your troubles and you never learn.
09:51Ride a painted pony, let the spinning wheel turn.
09:57Someone's waiting just for you.
10:02Spinning wheel, spinning through.
10:06Drop all your troubles by the riverside.
10:11Ride a painted pony, let the spinning wheel fly.
10:15Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
10:21Let's play with fat, okay?
10:47Where do you get the balls?
11:01Yeah.
11:03Damn it.
11:15I want to go right over here.
11:17Damn it.
11:31Now you stay there.
11:32I got it.
11:45Dorothy.
11:46Are you okay?
11:48Dorothy, stand me up.
11:49You want me to get your ambulance?
11:51No, no ambulance.
11:53You want me to get you something to drink?
11:54No.
11:59Hold on.
12:00I'm calling you now.
12:01No, I just need...
12:02No, I need some shade.
12:05You sure you...
12:06Just stand me up.
12:09You sure you're calling me okay?
12:10I'm good.
12:18I'm Steve-O, and this is the double back.
12:20Come here.
12:20Come here.
12:20Come here.
12:20Come here.
12:21Come here.
12:21Come here.
12:22Come here.
12:22Come here.
12:23Come here.
12:23Come here.
12:24Come here.
12:24Come here.
12:40I'm Rob himself, and this is duck hunting.
12:41This is duck hunting.
13:01We killed Quack Quack.
13:11It went up his butt.
13:15Oh, my God.
13:17Right in the middle.
13:19Oh, my God.
13:21Okay, today I'm going to go try to pick out a mattress for myself,
13:25but it's kind of a bad time because I have to urinate really bad.
13:29How are you guys doing?
13:31Good, how are you?
13:32Good, welcome, man.
13:33I like this mattress right here. Can I try it out?
13:35Help yourself.
13:37Okay, let me.
13:39It feels really good.
13:41It's really comfortable.
13:42Oh, boy.
13:43Oh, my.
13:44Oh, dude.
13:45You all right?
13:46What are you doing?
13:49Oh, dude.
13:51I have a deviated restroom up there.
13:53I just, I'm sorry.
13:55I have a deviated septum.
13:57I'm too sorry.
13:58I can't.
13:59Is there something I can do to help you out?
14:01No, I'm sorry.
14:02It's a medical condition.
14:03Okay.
14:04I need a towel.
14:06I'm still going.
14:08Don't go over here.
14:09Don't quit laughing.
14:11I just think so bad.
14:13Oh.
14:14No, we didn't.
14:15Is it okay, buddy?
14:16I apologize.
14:17Is there a trash can?
14:18You can go back and refresh yourself, you lose a restroom.
14:19Okay.
14:20Thank you for your help.
14:21Okay, man.
14:22I hope you're feeling better.
14:23Thanks, man.
14:24I'm sorry.
14:25Don't worry, guys.
14:26Oh, man.
14:27You can go back and refresh yourself.
14:28You can go back and refresh yourself.
14:29You lose a restroom.
14:31Okay.
14:32Thank you for your help.
14:33Okay, man.
14:34I hope you're feeling better.
14:35Thanks, man.
14:36Dude, the best part about it is that you squeeze it out, and then he shook your hand.
14:44I'm Rab himself, and this is skeet shooting.
14:52Pull!
15:03I got it on my ankle.
15:05Did you see how fast I was running? I was like a cheetah.
15:08Ah, someone got me in the head!
15:13Damn, that hurt.
15:16That would've hit the bull's eye.
15:29No, no, hurry, hurry, hurry, go!
15:31That was close.
15:32Oh, my b****!
15:34That was close.
15:35Scott, what do you think about your work here?
15:55Ah, it's a beautiful piece, nice old school lettering.
15:58So this is how you make a permanent jackass, I take it?
16:00Exactly.
16:01I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, you like that, didn't
16:28you Valley boy?
16:29Yes, you did.
16:30Not gonna come here anymore, are you?
16:32No, you're not.
16:33Fight me, Hook.
16:34You like games, huh, Valley boy?
16:36Meet me at Bronson Canyon Halfpipe, 9 o'clock.
16:39Joust.
16:40Be there.
16:41No, you be there!
16:43Yeah!
16:44Yeah!
16:45Yeah!
16:46Yeah!
16:47Yeah!
16:48Yeah!
16:49There you go!
16:51You do that, you do that!
16:52Well done, you are weak.
16:54Go, that's true.
16:55Yeah!
16:56Yeah!
16:57Yeah!
16:58Yeah!
17:00Yeah!
17:01Just by the way you go, I bet he Chris Oppos bit me way over time.
17:35Just leave it on. Leave it on.
17:43This is calisthenic.
17:45Oh, my God.
17:46Believe yourself.
17:48For God's sakes, you're embarrassing me.
17:51In my left hand, I have some pudding.
17:53In my right hand, I have a diaper.
17:55When combined,
17:56I have a poo diaper.
18:01Hey, you guys got anything to eat?
18:04Leftover from lunch?
18:06I didn't even get lunch today.
18:08It's not fun.
18:09It's not fun.
18:14I'm hungry.
18:16I have a diaper.
18:28I'm so hungry.
18:55That's a diaper, homeboy.
19:10I'm so hungry.
19:15I'm so hungry.
19:27Here.
19:28What?
19:29Come on.
19:30What are you doing with this man?
19:32Come on.
19:33We're just friends.
19:35He's coming home with me.
19:36Rinaldo, I'm sorry.
19:41I'm sorry.
19:42No.
19:45This is disgusting.
19:46Irving.
19:46Come on.
19:55Hey, Brad, were you nervous?
20:12No, that was good, man.
20:15You're a good actor, dude.
20:17I'll fix you.
20:18That's it.
20:19It's over.
20:20We should probably head to the bar now.
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