- yesterday
South Park Season 26 Episode 2
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I'm going down to South Park, gonna have myself time
00:12Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation
00:15I'm going down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind
00:18And we're parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbors
00:22And on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind
00:25Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine
00:31Today is a tragic day for Canada
00:42Thousands of Canadians have gathered to mourn the passing of their beloved mother
00:48The Queen is dead
00:51Every Canadian everywhere is feeling absolute emptiness right now
00:58Now the casket is brought down the aisle with the Queen inside
01:05The Queen's body being carried by the Royal Guard
01:08What a horrible day for Canada, and therefore the world
01:10Ike, Ike, come on, dude, you can't keep doing this
01:14She's dead, she's dead, Kyle
01:17Ike, the Queen died like four months ago
01:20You gotta let it go
01:21And here comes Canada's most beloved musician, Sir Smelly John
01:27Yes, Smelly John's sitting down at the piano with a tribute for the Queen, I believe
01:31Goodbye, quaffy queen
01:34Seems as though you've quaffed your last quaff
01:37Okay, it's seven o'clock, it's my turn to use the computer
01:42No!
01:43Ike, me and my friends are playing Darktide right now, get off
01:45Fuck you, Kyle!
01:46Oh, and now people are starting to stare angrily
01:50Yes, it looks like the Prince and his new wife have just shown up
01:52The Prince and his wife have of course been bashing the Canadian monarchy
01:56A lot of Canadians hate them now
01:57Oh, and I believe the Earl of Halifax has just spotted on the Prince's wife's face
02:02The Prince seems to have taken offense to this
02:04Oh, and this is bad now
02:05Ike, I'm playing Darktide with my friends
02:07No, get off me
02:08Ike, goddammit, get off!
02:10Hey guys
02:15Kyle, dude, where were you last night?
02:18Yeah, we were all waiting
02:19Look, I know you think I haven't been showing up for things
02:21But I got screwed by my little brother
02:22He just keeps crying about the Queen
02:24And then there's this prince and his wife and they're bashing the Canadian monarchy
02:27I guess it's like people don't even know why they showed up for the funeral
02:30But anyway, I'm really sorry I ruined game time for everyone
02:32You didn't ruin it for anyone, we played without you
02:34What? You guys, we said we'd all level up together
02:38Well, yeah, we're all like level 12 now
02:39We got some sweet drip, dude
02:41So good, dude
02:42But this isn't fair, it wasn't my fault
02:44Hey guys, did you get to upgrade your rifle stand?
02:47Yeah, it's got a lot better range now, what about you?
02:49I kept the same gun, but I got some sweet drip
02:51Nah, sweet drip, dude
02:52So good
02:54It stinks, doesn't it?
03:00What stinks?
03:01When people make certain judgments about you?
03:03I've been watching you, Cal
03:04And I can see you're having some problems with your brand
03:07My brand?
03:10You see, everyone has an image, Cal
03:13Some kids call it your credibility
03:15Or your reputation
03:16But those things are just little parts of something much more important
03:19Your brand
03:21Think about it, Cal
03:22Who are you?
03:26I'm just... I'm just me
03:28See? You don't know what your brand is
03:30So how is anyone else supposed to know?
03:32It's like a commercial for Kyle
03:34But you're not putting a label on the jar
03:36Butters, this thing's very out of character for you
03:38That's because I've been working on my brand
03:41My parents saw that my brand wasn't working with people
03:43So they sent me to brand management
03:45Brand management?
03:47Hi, Mr. David
04:06Well, Butters, Stonch
04:08How you doing there, Butters?
04:09How's the brand going?
04:10Great!
04:11I made two new friends
04:12And a girl asked me to help her with her homework
04:14Well, there you go there, Butters
04:16My friend Kyle here was thinking of reworking his brand a bit
04:18And I told him maybe you could help
04:20Oh, well, sure there, Kyle
04:21Let's just get you to fill out a cum hammer survey
04:23And then we'll go in the back
04:25And come up with some options for you
04:26Live from the television studios in Toronto
04:30It's good morning, Canada
04:32It has been several months now
04:36Since our beloved queen has died
04:37All Canadians are finding it hard to go on
04:40All Canadians, that is
04:41Except for our first guest
04:42The prince and his wife
04:43We want privacy!
04:47We want privacy!
04:50All right, thanks for having us on the show
04:51It's so awesome to be here
04:53It's great
04:54So let me start with you, sir
04:56You've lived a life with the royal family
04:58You've had everything handed to you
04:59But you say your life has been hard
05:00And now you've written all about it
05:01In your new book
05:02When?
05:04Yes, that's right, friend
05:05You see, my wife and I
05:06I was totally like you should write a book
05:08Because your family's like stupid
05:09And then so are like journalists
05:10So you hate journalists
05:12That's right
05:13And now you wrote a book
05:14That reports on the lives of the royal family
05:16Right
05:16So you're a journalist
05:18We just want to be normal people
05:20All this attention is so hard
05:22Isn't it true, sir
05:23That your questionable wife
05:24Has her own TV show
05:26And hangs out with celebrities
05:26And does fashion magazines?
05:28What are you suggesting?
05:29Well, I just think some people might say
05:31That your Instagram-loving bitch wife
05:33Actually doesn't want her privacy
05:34How dare you, sir?
05:36My Instagram-loving bitch wife
05:38Has always wanted her privacy
05:39And do you know what else?
05:41To hell with Canada
05:42We are leaving
05:43We'll go find some quiet place
05:45Where we can be normal people
05:46Come on, wife
05:47We want privacy
05:49We want privacy
05:50We want privacy
05:51Come on, come on, come on
05:58Come on, come on
05:59It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour
06:02Come on, come on
06:03Come on, come on
06:05It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour
06:08Come on, come on
06:09Want privacy
06:10We want privacy
06:11We want privacy
06:13In the Worldwide Privacy Tour
06:14Come on, come on
06:16Because we need some privacy
06:18It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour
06:19We want privacy
06:20We want privacy! We want privacy!
06:23It's coming soon to your town
06:26We want privacy! We want privacy!
06:29Give us privacy!
06:32It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour
06:36Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
06:40It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour
06:43Come on! Come on! Cause we want some privacy!
06:50all right there Kyle we got your survey answers and I think we've put together
07:00some great ideas for your brand I understand you want people to like you
07:06more and think you're cool is that right wow all right well let's see how this
07:11brand works for you we got Kyle rugged vegan compassionate victim
07:19I don't think that's really me well that's fine because there's a lot of
07:23different brands people are attracted to how about this one Kyle sensitive
07:27outdoorsy frugal victim I'm not I'm not that outdoorsy okay well remember there
07:35Kyle it's not so much about who you are as much as it is about what people are
07:39attracted to okay so let's see how about this Kyle wealthy handsome multi-talented
07:46Grammy award-winning victim don't that's what that one's taken already sorry you
07:49hold on just a minute cow we're gonna find a good one here for you you'll see
07:54cow when you have your brand up and running no one can stop you
08:01look at this town there's just something about it
08:05oh darling I think this might be the place you really think so it's so quiet
08:12and empty hair if we moved hair then people would think we're really serious
08:16about wanting to be normal it does seem perfect doesn't it we can have a fresh
08:22start here lead a normal life and have babies can we can we rally him up here and
08:27finally have our own privacy my love I will do anything for your privacy
08:34the cops goes in the first room hey be careful with that TV buddy drum set goes on the second floor
08:59wait put it down I want to make sure it isn't damage what the hell
09:05hey hey you hey what are you looking at you ever heard of privacy what
09:17you guys I am so sorry I totally was going to play with you guys online but the prince of
09:27Canada and his wife moved in across the street from me they have this huge jet parked in front of my
09:33house and then they kept trying to get me to buy their stupid book and and anyway I'm sorry I
09:37messed up another game night it's okay dude we had a great time yeah we are literally dripping with drip
09:41well I just want you guys to know that I am a reliable fun-loving punctual victim
09:47okay well we got to get to class
09:49I'm really working on myself you're gonna like what you see
09:57as a child you see the world in a different way you see the wonder in nature and you're starting
10:09to learn more about yourself all the time and you're learning that there's something more important
10:15than you ever thought your brand it's what defines you and with brand management you can make sure
10:22others see you the way they want to see you welcome to your come hammer work tutorial you are taking the
10:30first steps to making your brand a great one by now you've received your workbook and also your
10:37brand slide tool and come hammer social media drive which will be used in this video now if you're
10:43ready let's start the exercises on page five of your workbook
10:46park county police station what's your emergency
11:15yeah the neighbors across the street are setting off fireworks and it's 10 30 at night
11:19oh is it the prince of Canada and his wife who just want to be left alone
11:22yes they're being super loud and I'm trying to work on my brand
11:25god damn it now the prince is playing polo on the lawn
11:30we are here because privacy is a basic human right how many more princes and his wives have to live in this
11:40nightmare hey can you two fucking keep it down hey you ever heard of a thing called privacy
11:49yeah nobody gives a shit will you two just shut up and go away
11:52it seriously is driving me crazy the prince plays drums all day don't even think he has a job
12:02and I don't know what the hell she does why they even left Canada is beyond me
12:06and like she seems to just boss him around and make him do whatever she wants I mean why did
12:10they even leave Canada and move to South Park anyway Stan are you going to say something
12:14you say it say what look Kyle we just kind of don't care about some dumb prince and his stupid wife
12:22I don't care about them either so then why do you talk about them all the time
12:26dude we're just kind of sick of hearing about them
12:31I'm sick of hearing about them but I can't get away from them
12:34they're everywhere in my fucking face
12:36yeah now you're putting them in our fucking face
12:38fine I won't talk about them anymore
12:41thank you
12:42okay just one last thing did you know the prince is leaving
12:49I'm sorry I'm sorry
12:51the problem with you is you want results without the work
12:57you can't just say you're a certain thing and expect people to just like your brand
13:01you got to work it sell people on it
13:04but I just don't feel like my brand is who I really am on the inside
13:08you know Kyle some people think it's what's inside you that matters
13:12but people can't see inside you
13:14they can only see what kind of drink you're drinking
13:16that's what matters
13:18I guess so
13:19now I'm gonna help you with the new brand but you've got to work on it
13:23what do you want your friends to think about you
13:25I want them to think
13:27I'm not gonna complain about things
13:29I'm more thick-skinned
13:31okay this is good this is good
13:33and I want people to think I'm stronger mentally than I probably am
13:36okay okay I think we got it
13:38people are gonna love this
13:39Kyle he's thick-skinned
13:42super cool nothing bothers him
13:44victim
13:45I just don't know if I can
13:47you're going off round already
13:49remember no matter what
13:51nothing bothers you
13:54I just don't know if I can
13:57don't know if I can
13:58keep you on keeping
13:59along with me
14:00how are you
14:01moving on
14:03for about 2018
14:05asцы
14:06as форм
14:11you
14:12you
14:14love
14:14I've always got to make
14:15you
14:16love
14:16you
14:17love
14:17and
14:18I'm
14:19you
14:20love
14:21I don't care. Don't care.
14:42What the hell?
14:43What did he just say?
14:44He victimized me! It's because I'm an ethnic woman!
14:47He can't do that! I'll say...
14:48Wait, you're ethnic?
14:49This is an outrage!
14:50We'll just see how he deals with my blue penis!
15:08Hey! Hey!
15:11Have some respect for people's privacy!
15:12Hey!
15:20Don't worry, my love.
15:40He's not going to get away with this.
15:42Hey, guys! How you doing?
16:09Good. How are you?
16:10I'm great. Got some good sleep last night.
16:12Just letting things roll right off my back, you know?
16:15Because that's the kind of guy I am.
16:19Cool.
16:20Hey, you guys want to play Dark Knight after school?
16:22Or if not, whatever. I'm cool either way.
16:25Uh, yeah, I'm sure we can figure that out.
16:27Cool, whatever. I'm carefree and unflappable.
16:29I'll catch you guys at lunch!
16:30Well, Kyle, you seem really different.
16:35Do you like it?
16:36Uh, sure.
16:38Thanks, Jimmy. But, you know, I really need to thank a good friend.
16:41He introduced me to a way of becoming a more stable person.
16:43Have you seen Butters?
16:45Butters?
16:46Oh, sure. He's out on the playground getting the shit beat out of him by Baby.
16:50What?
16:50Fucker! Fucker!
16:55Don't ever say that shit again!
16:58Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
16:59What the hell is going on?
17:01I wasn't even doing anything, and he came up and started talking shit to me!
17:05Yeah, everyone likes a guy that's strong and assertive, so I told Baby to go fuck herself.
17:09Who do you even think you are?
17:11You want some more of this, you dumb slut?
17:13Butters, what are you doing?
17:14This isn't you!
17:15Hey, Kyle, will you relax? You're kind of fucking up my brand.
17:18Okay, that does it. Come on, Butters!
17:20You are going back to Cumhammer!
17:22You're lucky he saved your ass!
17:24Fuck you, you fucking bitch!
17:27The most important thing about your brand is being flexible.
17:31We want to make sure you're completely satisfied.
17:33You say you're having some problems?
17:36That's right!
17:37There's this horrible spy who lives across the street from us,
17:39and we're going to get him back by changing our brand!
17:41All right, and I do see you're in our database,
17:44but you didn't first get help at this Cumhammer location?
17:48No, my wife went to one in California as a child.
17:50Ah, okay, then you must be in the national system.
17:53Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, is this you?
17:54Sorority girl, actress, influencer, victim.
17:57Yeah, that's totally me!
17:59Okay, I see, and then you added your husband to your friends and family account.
18:03You must be the royal prince millionaire world traveler victim.
18:07That's right!
18:08Come on, Butters!
18:09Hello?
18:13Oh, hey there, just give me a minute.
18:15I'm with some other clients right now here, Cal.
18:17Uh, no, this is an emergency.
18:19We need to talk to...
18:19All right, do you mind stopping Vader?
18:22It's him!
18:23Ah!
18:24What the hell are you doing here?
18:25You just can't leave us alone, can you?
18:27Oh, my God, he's so obsessed with us!
18:30I'm not obsessed with you!
18:31Oh!
18:32It's this stupid place!
18:33Don't you see, Butters?
18:38Teaching people to think of their brand just makes more people like them!
18:42This whole thing is wrong!
18:44They're telling you guys to reduce yourself into products instead of people to be truly understood and loved!
18:49Don't you guys want people to like you for you instead of who they want you to be?
18:54Look, we all have our faults.
18:58God knows I do.
18:59But if we just try to present and control an image of us for people to see them, we're just performers instead of human beings.
19:07He's right.
19:08Trying to make ourselves into a brand just turned us into products.
19:11We don't need to be a brand, do we?
19:14If it's truly what we want, then we really can get away from it all.
19:18No more magazines and Netflix shows.
19:20We really can live a normal life.
19:21Yes, I'm sure you agree, darling.
19:25We can be the people we talked about being.
19:28With no more worries about how we look or the image we project to people.
19:31What matters is what we have on the inside.
19:39Hello?
19:42Come on, Butters.
19:43Time to go home.
19:45Yeah.
19:46Yeah.
19:47Yeah.
19:50Now, hey!
19:50Don't make a decision you might all regret.
19:57Yeah, come on, honey.
19:58We don't need this place.
20:03Honey?
20:03The Queen is dead.
20:21What a sad day for Canada and therefore the world.
20:26Ike, I need to use the...
20:27Oh, no, not again.
20:29She's still dead.
20:30Ike, I have to get on the computer.
20:33The Queen's been dead a long time.
20:37Ike, I have to get on with my friends.
20:39If I don't, they're gonna think I'm...
20:40It's okay.
20:46Things get to you.
20:48It's who you are.
20:48Oh, hey, guys.
21:01Hey, dude, uh...
21:02We thought maybe you could do a little outside time.
21:05Really?
21:06We just thought it'd be good to get you out of the house.
21:08You seem to be going through a lot lately.
21:09Yeah.
21:12Yeah, I have.
21:13Thanks, guys.
21:14I'd love to play.
21:23Hey!
21:24Hey!
21:26Could I...
21:27Could I play?
21:28Sure, you can play.
21:30Great!
21:30Might have to mentor you.
21:38Just take care of him.
21:40Has it heard?
21:41Yeah.
21:41Good job.
21:43Hey!
21:45Hey!
21:46Being late.
21:47Really good.
21:48Hop in here.
21:49Look at...
21:52Ask him too...
21:55How do I know you're야?
21:57I'll walk it today.
21:59Good job.
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