- 2 days ago
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00:00I
00:25See have you seen you've seen the television scripts. Oh, here they are
00:30Oh, George, you should have been with me under the dryer at the beauty shop yesterday
00:35Under the dryer? Mm-hmm. What have I missed?
00:38Well, the operator turned the dryer off and we got to talking about different countries
00:43and she said that in Spain the national sport is bullfighting and in England it's cricket
00:50So I said, oh, I'd rather live in England because it's easier to fight a cricket
00:55What did she say?
01:00Well, I couldn't hear her. She turned the dryer on again
01:04Did you look at your television script? Oh, there you go. Did I look at the script?
01:10Well, I remember the beer of rehearsal
01:12All you ever think about is that show. That's all you ever talk about
01:16Gracie, television happens to be our business
01:19But there's so much going on in the world
01:21Important events. Things are happening, George
01:24The world is twirling, it's spinning, but are we spinning with it?
01:27I think you've been around a few times
01:33But I'm worried about you
01:35You know, all you think about is show business
01:38There are other things in the world
01:41Let's talk about something else in the world
01:43Come on, let's talk
01:45Okay, let's talk
01:47Let's see, there's the United Nations Conference
01:50How about that?
01:52Yeah, how about that?
01:58Now, isn't that better than talking about show business?
02:01Yeah, but I think we ought to make the next topic a little shorter
02:04I'll get it
02:06Oh, it must be Jane the wardrobe woman
02:08She's got to fix my dress
02:11All right, Jane, I'll pick you up about four
02:13That's fine
02:14Oh, hello, Jane
02:15Oh, hello, Mr. Burns
02:16I don't think you know my husband, Frank
02:18Oh, Frank?
02:19How do you do, Mr. Burns?
02:20I didn't know you were married
02:22Well, I never bring Frank to the studio
02:24We've got two children, Mr. Burns
02:26Oh, by the way, our oldest son, Frank Junior, he's 15
02:29He really bought some beauties
02:31Oh, Frank
02:32You can use this one in your show if you want to
02:34The other day he comes in to me and he says,
02:35Daddy, do you know Isabella?
02:37And I said, Isabella who?
02:38And he said, Isabella necessary on a bicycle
02:40Oh, I forgot to tell you he's got a bicycle
02:42So long, Jane
02:44Nice, Frank
02:48Now you know why I never bring him to the studio
02:57Oh, hello, Gracie
02:58Hello, Jane
02:59Oh, this jacket is going to photograph beautifully
03:02You slip it on, I'd like to see how it looks
03:04Look
03:05All right
03:06Jane, it's so long as Jane is in the den
03:07Oh, thank you, Mr. Burns
03:09Oh, yes
03:11Gracie, I've been dying to see you
03:13I've got the most exciting news to tell you
03:15What is it?
03:16I just won a two-week trip to Honolulu
03:18With all expenses paid for two
03:20No
03:21Yes, really?
03:22But how did you win that?
03:23Well, it's the most exciting story you ever heard
03:26Well, it must be to win a prize like that
03:30I didn't know you wrote stories
03:33No, honey, I didn't write a story
03:35It was sort of a drawing
03:37Oh, really? You draw it too?
03:39Oh, you're loaded with that
03:43No, dear, I won it on a quiz show
03:45Oh, well, you love Honolulu
03:48Oh, when George and I were there
03:50We had a wonderful time
03:51Really?
03:52Did you go by plane or by boat?
03:55Well, I don't know
03:56George bought the tickets
04:00Oh, yeah
04:01Oh, I know it's a wonderful place
04:03Isn't it a shame I'm not just getting married?
04:07Oh, what a wonderful place to spend a honeymoon
04:10Oh, yes, it is a shame
04:13It's so romantic
04:16Well, I'll never get any work done if I stay here
04:19And think about that
04:20I'll run in the den and do some sewing
04:29What a shame
04:30Two tickets to Hawaii
04:32Oh, I've got to get her a husband
04:34Maybe Blanche can come
04:50Hello?
04:53Hello, Gracie
04:55No, Blanche isn't here
04:56I sent her downtown
04:57So I wouldn't be disturbed
04:59I have some very important real estate listings
05:01I have to classify
05:02And I...
05:03I said I sent her downtown
05:05Because I...
05:07Well, look, if you'd stop talking and listen
05:09Then you could hear
05:11Blanche is not here
05:12She is down...
05:13Hello?
05:14Nuts
05:15She's getting worse every day
05:18What am I saying?
05:19How could she get any worse?
05:21Well, let's just say she isn't getting any better
05:23Okay, we'll say it
05:24Hi, Ollie
05:25Hi, Grace
05:26Hi, Grace
05:28Hi
05:30Hi
05:31Look, I told you Blanche isn't here
05:32She won't be back for two hours
05:33I know, I'm going to wait for her
05:34Gracie, I'm really awfully busy
05:35I've been working for three hours trying to finish this
05:36Well, don't let me disturb you
05:37Go right ahead
05:38You mind if I think?
05:40No, please do
05:41All right
05:42I'll only see
05:43Is Ralph Levy our director
05:44Is Ralph Levy our director
05:46Is Ralph Levy our director
05:47Is Ralph Levy our director
05:49Will you know?
05:50Can you see?
05:51I'll take your...
05:52I'll take your...
05:53It's Ralph Levy
05:54I'll take her
05:55I'll take you
05:56You mind if I think?
05:57No
05:58Please do
05:59All right
06:00I'll see
06:01Is Ralph Levy our director
06:03No, he'd be too young for Jane
06:06Mr. Peterson, the butcher
06:08Oh, he's probably already married
06:12He's got five children
06:13Oh, dear
06:16What are you doing, playing solitaire?
06:20Yeah, I'm playing solitaire
06:22Gracie, wouldn't it be quieter out on the porch?
06:26Yeah, but your cards might blow away
06:28And we'd be very swamped with work
06:32Oh, well, then I'd think you're smart
06:34To stop and play solitaire
06:35It relaxes you
06:37Okay
06:40Look, Gracie, what is it you want?
06:43Maybe I can help you
06:44Oh, well, you see
06:46Jane, our wardrobe woman
06:49Is going to Honolulu on a honeymoon
06:51So I've got to get a husband for her
06:53Because after all, it'd be pretty dull
06:55To go on a honeymoon without one
06:57Well, what about Harry Bonzel
07:01On your show?
07:02He's single
07:02Well, that's a wonderful idea
07:05Oh, and Jane will like him
07:08He's so pleasant and cheerful
07:10Yeah, we'll take him anyway
07:12He's been happy long enough
07:13Interesting little situation
07:18Gracie is now going to get Harry Bonzel
07:21Married to Jane, the wardrobe woman
07:23Which should come as something
07:25Of a surprise to her husband
07:26And two children
07:27That's nothing for Gracie
07:30Do you know at a party once
07:31She met Leopold Stokowski
07:33And she said,
07:34Mr. Stokowski, with your hair
07:36You ought to become a musician
07:37This isn't the first time
07:40She's ever tried to get two people married
07:41We were on a board vote tour
07:43And this man and woman
07:44Were in this big act
07:45And Gracie was determined
07:47To play Cupid
07:47So I said, Gracie
07:49These two people can't stand one another
07:52They despise each other
07:53She said, good
07:55Married people should have something in common
07:57Before she gets too involved
08:00I'd better tell her that Jane's got a husband
08:02No, wait a minute
08:05This might make a good plot
08:07For one of our television shows
08:09Yeah
08:10I'll let it develop
08:11Make notes
08:13Maybe I can use it
08:14Don't worry
08:15Jane will go to Honolulu
08:17With her own husband
08:17And they'll have a wonderful time
08:19Swimming at Waikiki
08:21Going up to see
08:22Mona Loa
08:23Which is the famous volcano
08:25Then they'll stand on the outside
08:26And they'll look in
08:27And he'll tell that joke
08:29About Isabella necessary on a bicycle
08:31And he'll be on the inside
08:32Looking out
08:32You know, the big attraction over there
08:36Is the hula
08:37That's a dance that tells a story
08:39And every little movement
08:40Means a certain word
08:41Like, this is rain
08:43Uh, this fish
08:45Moon
08:47This fellow was doing a dance
08:49About the fish swimming in the moonlight
08:51And he kept repeating the moon sign
08:53And repeating it
08:54And repeating it
08:54And this Hawaiian tapped me on the shoulder
08:56And said, uh, don't mind him
08:58He stutters a little
08:58Hello, Harry Bunzel
09:01Anybody home?
09:02I've got a picture, Harry
09:03I've been right in, Gracie
09:06What are you doing?
09:07Uh-uh
09:08The plot is beginning
09:09I'd better make some notes
09:11I'd better write everything down
09:13The unsuspecting bridegroom
09:15Just arrived
09:16Well, Gracie
09:17What did you want to see me about?
09:19I rushed right over
09:20Oh, nothing in particular, Harry
09:21Oh, would you give me
09:23That can of rice up there?
09:24Sure
09:24I thought that we could have
09:26A little chat together
09:27Oh, well, good
09:29Well, Harry
09:31Have you read any good books lately?
09:33Yes, Gracie
09:34I just finished
09:35Lieutenant Hornblatt
09:36Oh, yeah?
09:36Very exciting
09:37Well, it's about this young English naval officer
09:41Who goes up
09:41Are you throwing rice at me?
09:46I'm practicing
09:47Oh, there's going to be a wedding
09:49Uh-huh
09:50Wonderful
09:51Well, sit down
09:51Let me tell you about this book
09:53See, it's set in Napoleon's time
09:55Yeah
09:55And the English
09:56I give up
09:59I'll finish my story later
10:01Who's getting married?
10:02Uh, Jane, the wardrobe woman
10:04Jane?
10:05No kidding
10:05Say, that's wonderful
10:07Who's she marrying?
10:13Me?
10:15Oh, but Gracie
10:16Oh, congratulations, Harry
10:18I wanted you to be the first to know about it
10:21Now, wait a minute
10:23Gracie, listen
10:23I am not marrying Jane
10:25Oh, but you owe it to me
10:27Didn't I return a library book for you once?
10:31But, Gracie
10:32Now, look
10:32This is nothing against Jane, understand
10:34It's just I don't want to rush into marriage
10:36Oh, come on, Harry
10:38It's far
10:39Oh, I can't
10:40George
10:41George
10:44George
10:45Oh, George
10:48Thank heavens you are here
10:49I've been here all the time making notes
10:51Well, will you speak to Gracie?
10:52Sure, I'll be glad to
10:53Hello, Gracie
10:53What's new?
10:54Jane and Harry are getting married
10:56Now?
10:56Uh-huh
10:57Congratulations
10:57George, listen
10:59Will you listen to me
10:59I don't want to get married
11:01Oh, calm down
11:02Well, calm down
11:03Oh, sure, Harry
11:03If you don't want to get married
11:05Just say so
11:06Good
11:06I don't want to get married
11:08Well, as long as you're undecided
11:10Sit down and we'll talk it over
11:11George, what do I have to do?
11:14Now, George
11:14He doesn't know how wonderful married life is
11:17Show him how happy you are
11:20Mary, now show him how miserable you were before you married
11:26And now?
11:30Yeah, Harry
11:31I always knew I didn't want to get married
11:34Now I know why
11:34Look, I'll see you later
11:35No, no, no, wait a minute
11:37Boy, I haven't told you the best part
11:39Look, if you marry Jane
11:41You get a free honeymoon to Hawaii
11:44Gracie, look
11:46I don't want to go to Hawaii
11:48You don't?
11:50Well, you don't know what you're missing, George
11:51One comment
11:52It's not the island fair that is calling to me
11:55It's not the Balmy Inn or the Tropical Sea
11:57It's just a little brown girl
11:58In a little grass skirt
11:59A little grass shack in Hawaii
12:01It isn't Waikiki
12:02No tomato may as folly
12:04Or the beach boy's free
12:05But that'll call me
12:06Just an old brown girl
12:07In a little grass skirt
12:08A little grass shack in Hawaii
12:10Oh, through the island is Wonderland
12:12She's broken every Connie's heart
12:14That's not hard to understand
12:16For that Wahibi is a girl of parts
12:18I'll be leaving soon
12:20The fish of the port
12:23It's just a little brown girl
12:24With a little grass skirt
12:25A little grass shack in Hawaii
12:27Finne
12:27I don't want to get married
12:34Well, it's the last time I'll ever return a library book for you again
12:39Oh, no, no, wait, Gracie
12:45Now, you see, George, Gracie's mad at her
12:48Oh, Harry, calm down, calm down
12:50She'll get over it
12:51Do you think it's so unreasonable that I
12:53Hey, wait a minute, I have an idea
12:56A matrimonial bureau
12:57A matrimonial bureau
12:58Oh, wonderful
12:59Why didn't I think of that?
13:00Oh, James, you mind, Harry?
13:02Well
13:02Congratulations
13:03But, uh, what's that?
13:07Lima beans
13:08I ran out of writing
13:09Listen, Gracie
13:11Now, I'm not
13:12I'm still not going to marry Jane, you understand
13:14But you can call a matrimonial bureau
13:16They have hundreds of wonderful men
13:20Just waiting to get married
13:21Well, Harry, that's a brilliant idea
13:24Goodbye
13:24Goodbye
13:25Goodbye, Harry
13:25Oh, George, I'm going in again
13:28And look up the number of a matrimonial bureau
13:30Gracie, how do you know Jane will marry a stranger?
13:34How do I know?
13:35Yeah
13:35Well, all people are strangers before they know each other
13:39You and I were strangers before we ever got married
13:42That's true
13:43And believe me, there's no nicer way to get acquainted
13:54Well, she ran out of rice or she hit him with lima beans
14:01It's a good thing she didn't run out of lima beans
14:03We, uh, we have a case of eggs in the kitchen
14:05Poor Bonzo
14:07He must have about six pounds of rice down the back of his neck
14:10Put some raisins in his pocket and stick them in the oven
14:13And you've got a Swiss steak
14:14I'm not a very good cook, am I?
14:17Well, I don't have to be
14:18Gracie is
14:20Hello, Jane
14:23Oh, hello, Miss Morgan
14:24Do you know where she went?
14:26No, but she has something very mysterious going on
14:29I heard her telephone the matrimonial bureau
14:34She asked if they could help her find a husband
14:36No
14:38Yes
14:39Well, I knew she'd get wise sooner or later to that straight man
14:45I've always heard such wonderful things about Mr. Burns
14:49Well, you probably heard them from Mr. Burns
14:52Come to believe that I did
14:54Oh, but they've been married so many years
14:56I wonder how Mr. Burns will take it
14:59Just like he's always taken it
15:01After their agent gets ten percent, he'll take the rest
15:03I think that's why she's leaving him
15:07Well, it's either that or his singing
15:10Have you ever heard Sugar Throat sing?
15:14Sounds like the bowl was caught in his throat
15:17Come in
15:20Oh, dear, I've gossiped long enough
15:22I've got to get this work done
15:23I'll see you later, Jane
15:24Okay
15:24Miss Burns?
15:26No
15:26Miss Burns?
15:29No
15:29But she'll be back soon
15:31I'm her next-door neighbor, Blanche Morton
15:32Oh, how do you do?
15:33I'm Michael Rockford from the Bluebird Matrimonial Bureau
15:35Matrimonial Bureau?
15:37Bluebird Matrimonial Bureau, please
15:40I'm very proud of that name
15:41When you're seeking a mate
15:43Bluebird means happiness
15:44I'll remember that
15:47Won't you sit down?
15:48Thank you
15:49Did Mrs. Burns really ask you to get her a husband?
15:55Oh, yes, immediately
15:56And she didn't seem too particular about whom we got
15:59Wow
16:00Took her a little time to make up her mind
16:02But when she did, she certainly moved fast
16:04Here are some photographs of some eligible bachelors
16:07Oh, really?
16:09Blanche!
16:09I've finished work, you can come over and fix my lunch now
16:12And come on over, Harry
16:13I've got some news for you
16:14Not now, I'm hungry
16:16Come on home
16:16Harry, just for a minute
16:17Come on over, you know
16:18Blanche, I don't think you heard me
16:21Harry
16:23Don't raise your voice to me
16:25You can be replaced, you know
16:28Are you having a trade-in allowance on all model husbands?
16:33All right
16:34What's the big news?
16:37What's more important than eating?
16:38Harry
16:39Gracie is leaving George
16:41No
16:42Yes
16:43All right, now let's eat
16:45You don't believe me, huh?
16:48Well, this is Mr. Rockford
16:50Of the Bluebird Matrimonial Bureau
16:53Yes, and Gracie asked him to get her a husband
16:55Blanche
16:56Gracie asked me to help her
16:58She wants a husband for Jane, her wardrobe woman
17:01Come on home
17:02Oh
17:02Oh, so that's what it is
17:05Mr. Rockford, since you have a marriage bureau
17:07Maybe you could get me a wife
17:09That could fix my lunch once in a while
17:10Yes
17:13And maybe you could get me a husband
17:15Who can open his wallet without an act of Congress
17:18Someone who's kind and considerate
17:20Not a big selfish goon
17:22I'm afraid the husband you're looking for is impossible
17:25Oh, no
17:27The husband I've got is impossible
17:29My charming wife
17:34What?
17:37Oh, Gracie
17:38This is Mr. Rockford
17:39He's waiting to talk to you
17:40I have to run over and get lunch
17:42Oh, yes
17:43Oh, I'm a little late
17:44And I have to get my husband's lunch, too
17:46Would you mind talking in the kitchen?
17:48Well, not at all
17:48Right this way, Mr. Rockford
17:50Oh, would you step right down there?
17:58Now, I want to get a husband for Jane
18:01My wardrobe woman
18:02She's upstairs
18:03And she's going on a honeymoon to Honolulu
18:05So, naturally, I'd like her to take along a husband
18:08Naturally
18:11Well, I'm sure we can find her one, Miss Burns
18:16If you'll just bring her down
18:18Oh, no, no
18:19I do want her to know about it
18:21You know, it's got to be a surprise
18:23At thought of a going-away present
18:24You mean that Jane hasn't even planned on getting married?
18:29Of course not
18:30She just won the tickets yesterday
18:32Oh, the tickets
18:34Well, I guess you know what you're doing, Miss Burns
18:38Here's a man she might like
18:40Oh, say, he's cute
18:43Yeah, he'd make a wonderful husband
18:45He's a Swedish bus driver
18:46Oh, no
18:48I don't think she'd like a man from Sweden
18:50You see, by the time he got home every night
18:52His dinner would be cold
18:54Jane
18:57Yeah?
18:58Would you come down a minute?
19:00Okay
19:00You know, I'm going to let you see Jane after all
19:03But don't let her know what we're talking about
19:06Oh, I won't
19:07I won't
19:07I'm not sure myself
19:09Oh, here she is
19:13Jane, would you turn around, please?
19:14Just turn around
19:16Now, turn around the other way
19:19All right, that's all, Jane
19:22Thank you very much
19:24Thank you
19:25Now, what do you think?
19:29Well, Miss Burns, now that I've seen Jane
19:32How about this one?
19:34Oh, no
19:35This one?
19:36No
19:37This one?
19:38No
19:39This one?
19:39No
19:39I've been writing things down just as it happens
19:45And I don't know whether I've got a plot for a story
19:47Or a recipe for chili con carne
19:49Of course, I didn't write down what Blanche and Jane said about my singing
19:53Trying to keep this story believable
19:56So, they don't think I can sing, huh?
20:00From time to time and every time, blessings come from above
20:04What?
20:06Excuse me
20:07In here, Gracie
20:12Oh, George, the matrimonial bureau is sending over a husband for Jane
20:17So, I think you better stay here and have a little man-to-man talk with him
20:21You know, tell him about the pigeons and the flies
20:23Pigeons and the flies?
20:27Well, at his age, he probably knows about the Virgin of the Beach
20:30Virgin of the Beach
20:33Well, I hope he shows up
20:34Oh, he will
20:36You know, I'm so excited
20:37Love weddings
20:39Oh, I love weddings, too, Gracie
20:40You remember when we got married?
20:42Of course I do
20:43And remember that cute little hotel we went into at Niagara Falls?
20:47I'll never forget it
20:48Oh, yes
20:50What a thrill
20:52You know, it was the first time I'd ever tasted Canadian bacon
20:56Of course, it was fun, too
21:01Oh, I remember how nervous you were when the bellboy showed us our room
21:05Yeah, I was shaking like a leaf
21:07Yeah, well, you were so nervous you could hardly open my purse to tip him
21:11Quite a honeymoon
21:13Oh, yes
21:14Let me tell you something
21:15You were the prettiest bride in the whole world
21:17Oh, thank you, Judge
21:19You know what?
21:21What?
21:21You were the handsomest groom in that room
21:23Oh, come in
21:28Oh, that's the man from the matrimonial bureau
21:31Oh?
21:31Oh
21:31How do you do, Mrs. Burns?
21:34Mr. Burns?
21:35Oh, how do you do?
21:36Are you the husband for Jane, the wardrobe girl?
21:39Yes, ma'am
21:40Oh, congratulations
21:41What is this?
21:44Well, don't you know what that means?
21:46No, ma'am
21:47George, never mind the pigeons and the flies
21:51Go back to the birds and bees?
21:52Yes
21:53Back to the birds and bees
21:55I just came over to get my wife
21:57Oh, now, wait a minute
21:59Not so fast
22:00Let me have a look at you
22:01You know, I should have taken the Swedish bus driver
22:15Well, I'll cover you, Jane
22:17Now, now, don't be too impetuous
22:19George, what do you think?
22:21I think he'll make a perfect husband
22:22That settles it
22:24Jane!
22:25Get in
22:26Will you come here a minute, please?
22:27Okay
22:28Oh, one thing, Mr. Adams
22:30Do you suppose you could get away for a two-week vacation in Honolulu?
22:34Yes, I'm planning on it
22:35Oh, well, then everything is perfect
22:37Jane, look who I have for you
22:39Mr. Adams
22:41Hello, darling
22:41Oh, I told you she was ready
22:44Oh, Jane, but fast
22:50No, I'm trying
22:51Come on
22:51Jane, don't file the board
22:53Gracie, Gracie, the rice
22:55You forgot the rice
22:56Wait a minute
22:56The rice
22:57The rice
22:57The rice
22:57The rice
22:59Come on
23:00Come on
23:01Goodbye
23:01Goodbye
23:02Goodbye
23:02Goodbye
23:03Goodbye
23:03Don't take any wooden pineapples
23:06Yeah, no wooden pineapples
23:07Oh, dear
23:09Well, you didn't think I could do it, did you?
23:11No, I didn't
23:12Just think
23:14I took two lonely strangers and brought them together
23:17Yeah, Gracie, you're a genius
23:19What are you doing?
23:23Oh, nothing
23:24Nobody would ever believe this
23:25I've never seen me
23:27He's a genius
23:29He doesn't have anything
23:31He doesn't have anything
23:32I know
23:32My dollars
23:33He some
23:33I just
23:34Oh, I've never seen
23:35Yeah, if you
23:52I've never seen
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