- 6/21/2025
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Short filmTranscript
00:00You
00:08That's a shocking start
00:18Yep, that's it. Where's Tom?
00:20No! I hate you.
00:32Let me out of here!
00:44Hello, welcome to Taskmaster. It's the wordy bit at the beginning of the show
00:48where I can say whatever the hell I want
00:50because most of you still haven't unmuted it from the ads yet.
00:53And that's why I'd like to say that I endorse the consumption of breast milk
00:57well into teenagehood, maybe even adulthood.
01:01Let's start the show.
01:03Jogging for my golden head trophy,
01:05which previous winners have described as a burden on baggage allowance,
01:09it's Dave Hughes!
01:13Emma Holland!
01:15Lisa McCune!
01:17Takashi Wakasugi!
01:20And Tommy Little!
01:21Hello!
01:23And next to me, it's the guy who told me
01:25he thinks that him and Duke Nukem would be boys.
01:30It's Tom Cashman.
01:35Let's have a prize task, please.
01:37That's right, our first task is a prize task.
01:39Each of our contestants have brought in a prize
01:40and the winner of tonight's episode
01:42will take home all five of those prizes.
01:44Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
01:46what they consider to be the most frustrating thing
01:49to be left on a desert island with.
01:51Alright, Emma, what do you got?
01:53A train replacement bus.
01:55So train replacement bus, you're on a desert island and there's that.
02:04Yeah, I imagine you're like hungry, like starving, thirsty, angry,
02:08like what is going to make that situation even more frustrating is...
02:13Okay, so it could have also just been a bus.
02:16No, but it's replacing the train.
02:17Oh, okay.
02:20But there is no train because you're on a desert island.
02:22Exactly, that's why the bus is there.
02:29Alright, Tommy, it's my gym membership.
02:34Because I think if all I had was that,
02:36I'd not only be trapped on a desert island,
02:38but every week I'd go, well, that's another $21.
02:43So you're just upset at the inefficiency
02:46and how it's affecting your budget.
02:48But also, I can't do literally anything with it.
02:51Like I've got a fob that gives me access
02:54to over a hundred locations around Australia.
02:58And I'm nowhere near any of it.
03:01Okay, it is pretty frustrating,
03:02because you could use a replacement bus as shelter.
03:04Or you could also use it as a bus.
03:07I don't even know why we have to use the bus
03:09as other things at this point.
03:11Have you tried to get shelter under a fob?
03:13No, but Tommy, Tommy, you could shove that up your arse quite easily.
03:18Okay.
03:20How dare you think I haven't already?
03:24Uh, Walker, what about you?
03:26I bought a toilet.
03:28Not toilet.
03:29Airplane toilet.
03:31So you crash in a desert island,
03:33an airplane, and you find a toilet.
03:36And it is good, you know?
03:37Oh, you can use the toilet.
03:38But, airplane toilet, you have to listen the noise.
03:42Oh.
03:52That's frustration, do you think?
03:54To be honest, the noise hasn't really bothered me.
03:56You particularly don't like the noise.
03:59Too strong, do you think?
04:01But that sound is only cause of the vacuum effect
04:03from being at high altitude.
04:04If it's just on a desert island,
04:05it will make no noise at all.
04:07It'll just go like this.
04:08So you don't have to worry.
04:11That's another frustration,
04:12because maybe I might miss the noise.
04:18Alright, okay.
04:19Dave.
04:20Yes.
04:21My object of frustration is a video camera,
04:24which I purchased about 15 years ago,
04:27and I never worked out how to use it.
04:29So I thought I'd bring it in,
04:30and yeah, so that's why it's here.
04:36But you haven't worked out how to use it,
04:37and I reckon the reason why
04:38is because you haven't had enough spare time
04:40because you're so busy with your job.
04:41Yeah.
04:42You're on a desert island,
04:43you've got all the time in the world,
04:44I reckon you'd have plenty of time to work it out.
04:46Yeah, I know.
04:47Which would not be frustrating,
04:48it'd be satisfying.
04:49Yeah, but I wouldn't have electricity, so...
04:52It's got a battery.
04:56Yeah, but I would have forgotten to charge it
04:58before I came to the island.
05:00So Lisa, what would you be frustrated
05:02at being left on a desert island with?
05:04A book with very, very small print.
05:08I now need glasses to read books,
05:10and I figured without my glasses,
05:12I'd have a book, I'd have time,
05:14and I wouldn't be able to read it.
05:15That's very frustrating.
05:16Really frustrating.
05:17See, what I'm seeing is 150 pages of kindling.
05:21Yeah.
05:22Yeah.
05:23Or toilet paper.
05:24Lisa, I don't want to ask too personal questions,
05:26but wouldn't you just go in the water?
05:28I know.
05:29That's all the time.
05:30You know, like if you're fishing there,
05:32and you see your floater go...
05:33I mean, there's so many issues with that.
05:35Yeah, but also, if someone rocks up
05:37and they find treasure island pages covered in shit,
05:40that's not a great walk either.
05:41But you're not going to leave it lying around.
05:43You bury it.
05:44Where are you going to put it?
05:45That's where the treasure comes in.
05:49All right, well, I'd better hand out some scores.
05:53Well, I think one has to go to Emma straight away,
05:55because you've got a whole replacement bus on the island.
05:57You can drive it, as Tommy pointed out,
05:59or you can sort of sleep in it.
06:00Then I'm going to say two points to Waka for the toilet,
06:03because again, it can still be useful,
06:04and he's not going to be annoyed by that noise.
06:07Then I go three points to Lisa,
06:09because it's very frustrating not to be able to read the book,
06:12but still, the pages can have other uses.
06:14A flat video camera is very useless.
06:16Four points to Husey,
06:17but a plastic tag that can't be used for anything at all,
06:20extremely frustrating.
06:21So five points to Tommy Little!
06:27OK, Tomber, frustrate me with a recorded task, please.
06:32This next task I didn't like at the start,
06:34but then I did like it,
06:35but then I didn't like it again at the end.
06:44So scared always.
06:45Hi, Tom.
06:46Hi, Mum.
06:47Oh, it's so nice in here.
06:48What's this?
06:49It's a ball.
06:50A yarrow ball.
06:51OK.
06:52Can I open the task?
06:53Yes, please.
06:54All right.
06:55Oh, it's so nice in here.
06:56What's this?
06:57It's a ball.
06:58A yarrow ball.
07:01OK.
07:02Can I open the task?
07:03Yes, please.
07:04All right.
07:07Stress out, Tom.
07:09You have seven minutes.
07:11Your time starts now.
07:13Is that stressful?
07:24Kind of.
07:32No, I think you're too heavy.
07:34I think we're going to have to start whacking your ears.
07:37This is what we need.
07:38Oh, you've got a pocket knife.
07:40Now, the lake is in front of you, so you just go slow.
07:44Yep, that's it.
07:51Together.
07:54You're not stressed.
07:55I'm not sure exactly how I feel.
07:56How long do I have?
07:57Three minutes and ten minutes for a minute.
07:59All right, go for a run.
08:00Go for a run.
08:01Thomas!
08:07Oh, shit.
08:08I have one more plan.
08:10OK.
08:19I'm holding.
08:20Mm-hm.
08:21Do you trust me?
08:22Um, kind of.
08:23On the count of five.
08:24One, two.
08:25Ooh!
08:26Quite substantial.
08:27You ready?
08:28No.
08:29What?
08:30OK, and...
08:31Oh, my goodness.
08:32So that was the idea.
08:33This is like GTA 4.
08:34OK, ready?
08:35I'm stressed now.
08:36You're stressed?
08:37And also, I run out my ideas.
08:39OK.
08:40So we just keep doing.
08:41OK.
08:4236 seconds.
08:43I'm going to key your car.
08:44It's not my car, it's a higher car.
08:45I'm going to key the higher car.
08:46Oh, no.
08:47Are you OK?
08:48I'm OK?
08:49I'm OK?
08:50I'm OK?
08:51I'm OK?
08:52I'm OK?
08:53I'm OK?
08:54I went from tickling to waterboarding.
08:55Are you feeling at all stressed?
08:56Kind of confused.
08:57OK, drive again.
08:58Hello?
08:59Thumbs up.
09:00Oh, God.
09:01Oh, don't do that.
09:03Relax, Tom.
09:04Tom's heart rate is being measured.
09:05Biggest difference between stress and relax, Tom wins.
09:09You have seven minutes.
09:10Your time starts now.
09:34OK.
09:35So, Tommy, I thought the job was to stress him out, not to arouse him.
09:40I think tickling is the most stressful, because you can't hit the person because it's seen
09:46as a joyous activity.
09:47Yeah.
09:48And so you've got to, you're laughing, but you're actually choking to get air in.
09:51And when I then moved to waterboarding, I noticed, Cashman, you were actually a lot
09:57more comfortable because you knew where my hands were and they were out of tickling distance.
10:02When I started getting waterboarded, my heart rate was 69 BPM, and by the end, 61.
10:09Tommy's tickling got me to 104 BPM.
10:16Oh!
10:17Alright, so Lisa, you were thinking it was going to stress him out if he had to drive
10:22without being able to see where he could go.
10:24Yeah, originally I wanted to be on the roof, but I wasn't allowed on the roof, because I
10:27thought if that would add danger and that was a little bit too much for my safety.
10:31My peak heart rate during Lisa's was when you were arguing with the director.
10:35Are you serious?
10:38Lisa was adamant that she'd get on the roof.
10:41And the director and the producer were trying to say, no, during that kind of tension of
10:47not knowing what's got, my heart rate got to 100 BPM.
10:50Emma, you just, it was like you were trying to incite fight or flight.
10:56You just chased him.
10:57Yeah, it was such a natural instinct on my part.
10:59You gave me an opportunity to chase him with a baseball bat and I took it.
11:02Well, what did it do to your BPM?
11:05Emma got me to 140 BPM.
11:07So Dave got me to 85 BPM.
11:14Lisa got me to 100.
11:15Tommy got me to 104.
11:16Waka got me to 105.
11:18And Emma got me to 140 BPM.
11:20OK, time for a quick ad break here.
11:21We're not going to do much other than tickle lesser Tom.
11:27Hello.
11:28Welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:29It's our halfway point of the season.
11:31That's right and our contestants have just been trying to stress me out.
11:34Little did they know my heartbeat was being measured and now they have to try to relax me.
11:41Biggest drop in my heart rate wins.
11:43Let's see how much they can lower it.
11:44Our contestants face the ultimate challenge for me.
11:46I'm sorry.
11:47I'm sorry.
11:48I'm sorry.
11:49I'm sorry.
11:50I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
11:51I'm sorry.
11:52I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
11:53No, no, no, no, no!
11:55No, no!
11:56No, no, no, no!
11:57No, no, no, no, no!
11:58face, the ultimate challenge, trying to get me to relax.
12:02I think we need to get you lying down.
12:04Okay.
12:05Do you want to jump over and take a seat here?
12:07Okay.
12:08Please lay down.
12:09I'm Heather.
12:10Oh, thank you.
12:11You just relax in the sunshine.
12:13We work some stuff out with your hair, and that's, you know what, the thing about that,
12:16it's fixable, Tom.
12:17But what I'm saying, I really want to get that nose hair now.
12:23You walk in to the rental car office, calm, knowing that the car is fine.
12:28No, it's okay.
12:29I'm not going to see you.
12:30I promise I'm not.
12:31Just lose.
12:34Sorry about that.
12:36About what?
12:37It makes you stress.
12:38Oh.
12:39Now you're free.
12:41I know that this might increase your heart rate, and it's poor, but maybe I'm going to do it.
12:46I can feel it.
12:47A woman speaks to you at the front desk.
12:49She hands you over a fully working iPad to rate your experience.
12:54There's no apps on there except the one you need.
12:57No apps.
12:58Do you want apps on there?
12:59Yeah.
13:00There is Temple Run on the iPod.
13:02I'll be someone else.
13:03Hang on.
13:03Oh, yeah.
13:04Hang on.
13:04Hang on.
13:05Hello.
13:06Who's it?
13:07Oh, who's that?
13:08Lady fingers.
13:11Is it your first time here, big boy?
13:12Yes, it is.
13:14Raindrops.
13:15Beautiful.
13:16You've got lovely skin, Tom.
13:18Oh, thank you.
13:18It's very nice.
13:19You're redux, isn't it?
13:21Uh.
13:21Oh.
13:22It's a bit thick there.
13:24You're so sensitive.
13:25On the count of five.
13:27Oh.
13:30That's not good for the heart, is it?
13:38You said your heart was racing because you'd just been waterboarded and tickled.
13:43So let's just forcibly slow that down.
13:47Are you feeling a little bit relaxed?
13:49Like...
13:49I think I'm a bit uncomfortable.
13:52Oh, no.
13:52It's not good.
13:53I can see your heart beat.
13:56Do you think?
13:57Hard to see you.
13:57The sun's kind of directly in my eyes.
13:59That's true.
14:00Sorry about that.
14:02That's actually quite helpful.
14:04Oh.
14:04All right.
14:05Don't move.
14:05Don't move.
14:05You move.
14:06Okay.
14:06You did so true.
14:07So I can do it.
14:08We need to work on your personal grooming.
14:13It's too late for me.
14:14Yeah.
14:14My horse has bolted.
14:15And you know, I give happy endings and there's nothing more happy than...
14:19And it'll tickle.
14:20And it'll tickle.
14:21And it'll tickle.
14:22And it'll tickle.
14:24Is that it?
14:25Mm-hmm.
14:26Did you have a nice nap?
14:27It's quite an uncomfortable position, actually.
14:29Well, you could have told me that.
14:37I felt like a lot of you started well and then you sabotaged yourselves a little bit.
14:41Like, Waka, you were getting less at home to be very relaxed.
14:44Yeah.
14:45But then you started to massage him and it kind of made it worse.
14:47Massage is good.
14:48Relax.
14:49But it just...
14:51You called me sensitive.
14:52I think the correct word is traumatised.
14:55So, Hughes, you used that well-known relaxing technique of holding plies very close to someone's face.
15:02Yeah, I lost focus on the task at hand and was more focused on making you a better person.
15:08And I really gripped hard on those nose hairs and they came in.
15:12It was satisfying for me.
15:13Was it satisfying for you?
15:15Satisfying?
15:16Yeah.
15:16But when you pull a nose hair out, it hurts and your eyes water.
15:21But afterwards, there's a...
15:22I felt the first two.
15:26So, Emma, what was your approach?
15:28I think it was like a meditation.
15:30It was a meditation but also a bit of a role play.
15:32Oh, I'd prefer if you didn't call it that.
15:34Well, actually, I think you hit upon something that was very effective that no one else thought up.
15:43You left him alone.
15:44That's right.
15:45I did.
15:45I think I asked you at one point, would it be better if I left and you said yes?
15:49OK, well, I feel like we need to find out your heart rate.
15:52That's right.
15:52And I'm going to give you the difference between the stress and the relaxed times.
15:57Dave's reduction was 19 BPM.
15:59Unsurprising, seeing he just kept pulling hairs out of my head.
16:02Tommy, aka Lady Fingers, got my heart rate down 29 BPM.
16:07Lisa reduced it 31 with her unsettling massage.
16:10Waka's reduction was 41 BPM.
16:12But Emma, with her genius method of just leaving me be, reduced it 63 beats per minute.
16:20So that means one point goes to Dave, two to Tommy, three to Lisa, four to Waka.
16:25But Emma wins the task with five points.
16:29I'll also give you an idea of the episode scores.
16:31It's incredibly tight, but Tommy is in the lead with seven points.
16:36And what about our series score as we near the halfway point of our season?
16:41Well, we've got Dave and Lisa at the back on 54 points apiece.
16:45But Emma is in the lead with 73 points at the moment.
16:51OK, give us another one, schnooky bear.
16:54We're going back to a time when puberty was all the rage.
17:10Hi, Tom.
17:10Hi, Lisa.
17:11It's a iPod here.
17:13It's a bit old iPod.
17:14Ooh, iPod.
17:16I'm familiar with what's in front of me.
17:22This is the piece of technology which lied to us more than anything else in history.
17:26It claimed to have something called anti-skip technology.
17:30And it did not work.
17:31And you had to sit if you're on public transport.
17:34And you yourself had to be the gyroscope.
17:37I have two questions to ask you.
17:39What was your favourite slang word when you were 13?
17:42Grouse.
17:43Probably cool.
17:44Chilax.
17:45What's up?
17:46KY.
17:47It means you cannot read air.
17:50What was your favourite musical genre when you were 13 years old?
17:53Music theatre and Spandau Ballet.
17:54Simon and Garfunkel.
17:56Folk rock.
17:57Hip hop.
17:57Rock and roll.
17:58Indie rock.
17:59New metal.
17:59And Linkin Park.
18:01Don't do this to me.
18:02Yeah.
18:03Okay.
18:04Yep.
18:04Write a song for your 13 year old self.
18:09Your song must incorporate your just stated slang word.
18:13A musical genre.
18:15Song that reveals most about your 13 year old self wins.
18:19You have 45 minutes.
18:21Your time starts now.
18:24What were you like when you were 13?
18:25That was kind of like discovering boys.
18:28I was the school captain.
18:29Now I think about it, I may have been a narcissist.
18:33I was pimply and awkward and greasy.
18:37Every night my mum would get me bored, which never failed to improve my mood.
18:43Drama standard can be anything.
18:44It's the most, lowest.
18:46Drums are the worst instrument.
18:47Yeah.
18:48Are you aware that the Taskmaster plays drums?
18:50Tom Gerson?
18:54Sort of like that.
18:55So, we've got to get to the bottom of a waka.
19:03K-ky.
19:04K means kuki.
19:05Kuki means air.
19:06And then y is yomenai.
19:08Means cannot read.
19:09Cannot read air or situations.
19:11So, like, can't read the room?
19:13Yeah, yeah.
19:14Oh, so someone just walks into a room, pisses everyone off.
19:17Yeah.
19:17I believe he's K-y.
19:18So, like Josh Thomas?
19:24Maybe.
19:25Well, yeah, I just wanted to help people at home understand.
19:28I love that he's not here and he's still your least favourite.
19:33Alright, it's always exciting to see if we've got any musical talent amongst our bunch.
19:37Any early hints, Lesser Tom?
19:39Um, I couldn't possibly say.
19:41First up, we're going back to 2008, singing about what's up in the genre of nu metal.
19:46It's Emma Holland.
19:47Wait, I don't want to watch this.
19:56Being in 2008, and my parents enrolled me in an equestrian course, I didn't really like
20:01it, and every girl there eventually got kicked by a horse.
20:05Not me, though.
20:05I wore Crocs to school every day, and I never washed them and they smelled bad.
20:10So, I put spray deodorant in the soles, and I thought that made me really rad.
20:16I had blue streaks in my hair.
20:18Global warming made me scared.
20:21I had not hit puberty.
20:23America did not vote for Mitt Romney.
20:262008, what a year.
20:28The Olympics were in Beijing.
20:31So, I'd like to say, what's up to those involved in the anti-doping operational stings.
20:362008, what a year.
20:38The Olympics were in Beijing.
20:41And I was too dead inside to watch them, but I'm sure the results were really thrilling.
20:46What's up?
20:47I truly believe there is nothing worse in this world than being cringe, and I include
21:00domestic terrorism in that.
21:03Okay.
21:04Was that an easy watch, Emma, for you?
21:05That was the hardest moment of my life.
21:07So, just to be clear, as talented as you seem to be musically, it doesn't really matter.
21:16What we're looking for is who reveals the most about their 13-year-old self.
21:20Most revealed about your 13-year-old self wins.
21:23So, we're kind of actually looking for revelations.
21:24Just first up, 2008, Mitt Romney didn't win because he wasn't on the ticket.
21:28I know, I know, I know.
21:31It was Barack Obama versus John McCain.
21:32So, that wasn't really a revelation.
21:34That was a distortion of the truth.
21:35I realized ten minutes after I recorded it, and I knew you'd bring it up, and I was going
21:38to prepare something to say, and I didn't.
21:42Yeah, a bit like Mitt Romney in the debate.
21:45I need to know more about this.
21:46Every girl I know was kicked by a horse.
21:49Yeah.
21:49Every girl I knew at horse riding got kicked at some point.
21:52So, what were they, were they, were you supposed to walk close to the horse when you walked
21:55behind it?
21:55Yeah, and I think they were just being bitches, so.
21:57So, everyone you knew got kicked by a horse and deserved it?
22:04Yeah.
22:05All right, so, whose sing-song are we getting next?
22:09This next fella is about to go acapella, singing about KY in the style of indie rock.
22:13It's Takashi Wakazubi.
22:14You think you're smart.
22:27No, no.
22:28You think you're perfect.
22:30No, no.
22:31You think you're popular.
22:33No, no.
22:34You think you're different.
22:36No, no.
22:37But you grew.
22:40But you changed.
22:42This world is bigger than you think.
22:52You are the KY.
22:54You are the KY.
22:55You are the KY.
22:57You don't know.
22:59You are the KY.
23:00You are the KY.
23:02You are the KY.
23:03You will know.
23:04You don't know.
23:06So, drums, they're not so easy, are they?
23:16So, sorry about that.
23:17I respect you now more than anything.
23:20I'm very bad at music.
23:23But that was a good song, do you think?
23:25Oh, yeah.
23:25I like it.
23:26You definitely got the KY bit in.
23:28Can I ask, do they have KY lube in Japan?
23:32No.
23:34Oh, well, it's off Hughes's holiday list.
23:41Okay, so you certainly mentioned KY.
23:43You were being a bit KY deliberately,
23:45but I didn't really reveal that much.
23:47Not heaps.
23:48All right, time for an ad break.
23:49Now, don't spend the whole time going on about how great you are
23:52and how good you would have been at the task.
23:54There's no need to be all KY about it.
23:55See you soon.
23:56Hello, welcome back to the show
24:11where we've been having a good old-fashioned sing-along.
24:14That's right, dude.
24:16Um, sorry.
24:18Our contestants have been singing songs
24:19that reveal the most about their 13-year-old selves.
24:22So far, we've learnt that Emma has an equine background
24:24and Waka was 13 once.
24:26Next up, in the style of the band Spandau Ballet,
24:31from when it was cool to be cool,
24:32here's Lisa McKeown.
24:33Chasing butterflies
24:50And watching clouds go by.
24:56Even though I had a stye, I noticed you.
25:04It was in an outdoor head that day.
25:08When I looked at you, when I looked at you that way
25:14And you sent me off my head
25:21And this is what I said
25:23Hold my hand, hold my hand, please
25:27No need to be a tease
25:33I'm a fool who's trying to be cool
25:40Hold my hand, hold my hand, please
25:44Chasing butterflies
25:55It's a beautiful image of a young Lisa McKeown, I felt
25:58I had a really simple, lovely, you know, teenage years
26:02It was really lovely
26:04When did you smoke your first cigarette?
26:05Fifteen
26:06Ooh, and was that the same for having a drink?
26:08Oh, I think I probably was about nine
26:11But like, only because you could have
26:13Put that in the sauce
26:14But also, kids
26:16You want to be successful, start drinking at nine
26:19No, I'm not a can of beer or glass
26:22But you could just sip, you know, something, you know
26:24Did you ever get in a scrag fight?
26:25No, no, I didn't
26:26But there used to be
26:27My house was opposite the park
26:29where all the fights were
26:30So I used to take the injured back to my place
26:32To the laundry and clean them up
26:33Yeah
26:34And she drove them back when she was 11
26:36But I must admit, you know, I would like to thank you
26:41Because you've got a background in musical theatre
26:42So it's just good to relax
26:43While watching your clip
26:45Because compared to the others
26:47It was bloody beautiful
26:48Thanks, Tom
26:50Okay, so let's hear another tune
26:52Get ready to un-relax, everyone
26:54Singing about grouse in the style of folk rock
26:59Here's Dave Hughes
27:00I lived in a humble house
27:08That I didn't think was grouse
27:13My dad said it was the best place on earth
27:17But I didn't know the worth
27:22Every night my mum always made me pud
27:26They would never fail to improve my mood
27:31She'd send me to the shops with ciggies and pads
27:35I'd come back with jubes and fads
27:39That crick us wanted to be the hero
27:44But I always end up going out for zero
27:49Walking off and I'd quack like a duck
27:52I realised I shouldn't have given a fuck
27:57Cause now I know the duck was golden
28:02And I know the house was grouse
28:06The house was grouse
28:09How's it feel to watch that?
28:30to watch that. Yeah I'm really proud of that work. He leaned over to me as it was starting and went
28:37I got this. Well to be fair it's got nothing to do with musical quality it's just about how much
28:45you reveal and in your comedy you're constantly revealing so many truths intimate truths about
28:50yourself so I feel like this was right up your alley. It was right up my alley and I grew up in
28:54a humble house which I didn't think was grouse but then eventually I realized it was grouse and
29:01I'm gonna cry. So was there a story in there? Sorry because I tuned out a bit in the middle.
29:09How would you describe the mud the pud put you in? It was a good mud.
29:16Okay so I mean it revealed heaps which is great and grouse got a mention I mean it's
29:21a pretty good result. Yeah. Okay in case someone's still watching
29:27do we have another? Having a chillax in the genre of hip-hop music it's Tommy Little.
29:38I'm a greasy kid. Greasy kid. I'm a greasy kid. Greasy kid. I'm a greasy kid. I'm a greasy kid.
29:45Just a greasy kid. I'm a greasy kid. Pimples on my face and braces in their face.
29:51Hair was greasy so school wasn't easy. I'm 13 with no control of my cock and next year I'm getting
29:58dreadlocked. Sex. Well I've had none but that doesn't mean that I haven't come because in my
30:05pants is where I climaxed. Everybody said yo chillax. Sitting on the bus and you're all alone
30:11or all by yourself except for your boner. I'm a greasy kid. With come in these pants I'm a greasy kid.
30:21Guess what? I'm you. And you're me. And I'm out.
30:35Tommy I feel like you poured a lot of self-loathing into that.
30:43Yeah. I really thought at the end of that when I did it live I'm like that was pretty good.
30:49Well I must say though it was good to see you being back on brand again with the lyrics
30:52sitting on a bus and you're all alone or all by yourself except for your boner.
30:57I mean it's the Tommy we've come to know and love.
31:01I feel like you actually revealed a lot though. I was pretty pleased with that. It was a lot of
31:06revelation. I guess I've got to give out some scores. Yes. This is being huge. He really wants to know.
31:12All right it was again music doesn't really matter so I'm going to give. Well it would have
31:15been nicer for yep anyway. I agree it would have been nice if people at home were entertained
31:22but I mean it would have been helpful just for our careers generally.
31:30So I'm going to give one to Waka because I didn't really learn much at all. Okay.
31:33Two to Lisa McKeown. We did learn that she used to like chasing butterflies. Three points to Tommy
31:38Little because we learned he was a greasy kid and a few other awkward bits and pieces. We learned heaps
31:42about Emma. Four points to Emma but the most we learned about in what was arguably the worst song
31:48was Husey with five points.
31:56Okay time now for an ad break. Go and have a quick pud. You never know it might improve your mud.
32:01Welcome back to Taskmaster where our comedians are playing for an airplane toilet and if they're
32:21lucky enough the right to never hear Dave Hughes sing again. Find a way to segue to another task
32:27please Lesser Tom. Um here's a task that if you had a segue you could use it to ride to the shops and
32:35and buy some mugs which is crazy because this task is about mugs.
32:41Tom Tom. How are you? I'm well. Five something four three two one
33:05Oh, gobble. Sticky. Get the mugs into the bath at the top of the path. You may only take 75 steps.
33:23You must be on the path the whole time. Most unbroken mugs gotten into the bath wins.
33:30You have 13 minutes. Your time starts now. Okay sounds kind of simple. Yep.
33:40They've just got to get the mugs into the bath. Most mugs into the bath. Only unbroken mugs count.
33:46Okay I reckon we just get into some mugs in baths then. First up he's got world's greatest
33:50dad written on a mug and world's greatest mug written on his dad. It's Dave Hughes. Oh god.
34:00That's two steps. That's two yep. How far do you reckon I've gone?
34:27Hmm. That's not a good I reckon. Cheap is that. What? I've lost almost all of them already.
34:43Hmm. And I've gone four meters maybe. I don't need this anymore I've just realized. It's a shocking start.
34:52Mmm. I may tear one of my short hamstrings. This is easy man. Oh god. I can just go like this can't I?
35:06Well let's put them in there. That's right.
35:13Seven. Never give up. Okay.
35:16You see if that task was a song it would sound like the song you just did before.
35:29Yeah but I won that task so maybe I'll win this one.
35:34Within a minute Dave had broken 71 percent of the mug.
35:39Yeah I feel like it was a shit effort followed by a shit quote which would be put on the side of a shit mug.
35:43One thing you did nail is counting the mugs. Husey transported seven mugs successfully to the bar.
35:49Thank you. Thank you.
35:50Thank you. All right. Who's next?
35:54Next leading us down the garden path is Lisa and Tommy.
35:57Oh yes.
36:04It's so easy bro. I'm just going to tape them to myself Tom.
36:07Oh okay. Yeah.
36:12This is good. Whoa.
36:18This is really good bro. You know how you do some stuff and you're not that proud?
36:23This is not one of them.
36:28Eight minutes and 14 seconds.
36:30I'm going to have to leave this behind. It's time to start getting really serious.
36:35Okay you ready?
36:40Three, four, five, six.
36:55Oh she's breaking up.
36:56I'm the smartest man alive.
37:05Gently, gently, gently.
37:10Oh my god.
37:12How do you feel? Like a genius?
37:14I've done something wrong haven't I?
37:16Like what?
37:17Like, I don't know. It's the paranoia setting in.
37:25Oh super.
37:27So Lisa you did a great job carrying all those cups and mugs.
37:30Is that because as an actor you've had to do a lot of hospo?
37:32No.
37:34I avoided that mostly which is good.
37:36But um, no.
37:37Yeah, take that other actors.
37:39But I'm happy. I was really happy with the outcome of my mugs.
37:43But hang on, you used the mat that you were standing on. I mean, is that legal?
37:47What?
37:49Dave, don't. That's so unfair.
37:51First of all, I'd like to stay in your way in your fucking snitch.
37:54Thanks Tommy.
37:56Snitchy poo's back.
37:57Oh mate, it's snitchy poo.
38:00Is it legal?
38:01Using the map was in accordance with the task. It was also legal.
38:04But thank you.
38:06Yeah, so I mean, I feel like that's not the first time you've had to strap stuff to yourself.
38:13You were so quick to do it. I feel like you've done it before.
38:16Yeah. I used to take pints from pubs.
38:19Like if we were leaving the pub to go to another pub, I used to put a full pint in my pocket.
38:24You could go out without spilling beer all down your jeans.
38:27Yeah.
38:27Yeah, I should explain it to you, Husey, because you don't drink.
38:30By that stage, after you've had a few drinks, you don't give a shit anymore.
38:35If anything, the beer washes the piss away.
38:43Right, so give us the stats.
38:44It's perhaps a bit of a testament to the confidence gap between the genders.
38:47Tommy, the smartest man alive, little, got 29 mugs, successfully in the bath.
38:51Lisa, I've done something wrong, haven't I, McCune, got 30 out of 30.
38:56There it is.
38:58Okay, on the topic of mugs and breaks, keep yours fixed on the telly as we take one.
39:02We'll be back shortly.
39:17Hello, welcome back to the televisual show formerly known as Taskmaster, which is still known as Taskmaster.
39:24That's right, currently our contestants are trying to get as many unbroken mugs into the bath along the garden path.
39:30The final two mugging for the camera are Emma and Waka.
39:32And I can use any of these?
39:36If you like.
39:36I need a tape and I don't know what's that one.
39:40Is it one step?
39:46What is this?
39:48Tom's mug.
39:49I'll take the steps so you don't have to.
39:53What?
39:55So you can carry my mugs to the bath?
39:58If you ask me in the right way.
40:02I'm worried if I use any of that, something bad's gonna happen.
40:06I won't ask you to help.
40:07You won't?
40:08No.
40:08Okay.
40:08With this face, you lying.
40:11I just, I don't trust this system.
40:13These are gonna be heavy.
40:18Wait, wait, wait.
40:20I can use this.
40:22Like, I just put mugs here and then walk together.
40:28Okay, where do I start from?
40:29Here?
40:30You've already started.
40:30I've already started?
40:31Yeah.
40:32From where?
40:33Where you are.
40:34Like, including up there and back?
40:35Yep.
40:36Tom!
40:38How many do I have left?
40:39You've taken 23 steps.
40:43There's no way.
40:54There's a bath there?
40:55You've got 12 steps left.
40:56Where's the bath?
40:58Five steps remaining.
40:59I'm not gonna make it.
41:03Two more.
41:04It's impossible.
41:05One step left.
41:09Now what?
41:10You've got six minutes and ten seconds.
41:11To do what?
41:1324 seconds.
41:15I'm so annoyed because this seemed like such a good technique and I've come all this way.
41:18There's just nothing I can really do, is there?
41:21Tom, can you carry the cup to the bath, please?
41:26Oh, please?
41:26Okay, I'll do it.
41:27Ten seconds.
41:28Please.
41:28Please.
41:29Please.
41:31Be careful.
41:32Kindly.
41:33Gently.
41:33You did.
41:42I should trust your poster.
41:45This has made me so sad.
41:46I could have made it, I reckon.
41:48That's, ah, you're a great person.
41:51I should trust.
41:52Oh.
41:54Bye, Thomas.
41:55Thanks, Emma.
41:56I can't believe I'm saying this, but Hughesy's was not the worst.
42:14Unbelievable.
42:16I mean, this is fascinating.
42:18Really, it all came down to trust.
42:20So you were the only two to pull up the banner, but also both of you made the mistake of just
42:24not pulling the poster up all the way so you could read the part at the bottom.
42:27I just saw his face.
42:28I don't want to, you know.
42:30But then when you did ask him to help, you were just polite, and that was just luck.
42:35There's no steps there, so I can't do anything, and I just ask him.
42:39Yeah, so are you saying that when you got to the end of your steps, and you had nothing to lose,
42:43you thought you might as well just ask?
42:45Yeah.
42:45Whereas Emma, what the fuck?
42:52Emma stood there for the whole six minutes.
42:54I'm watching that back, and I'm like, oh, that poor girl is really, really stupid.
43:01Okay, so, but it all just comes down to the number of mugs.
43:05That's right.
43:05Waka managed 11 mugs due to his last-minute politeness.
43:09Emma, like the world's shittiest dad, zero mugs.
43:12That means Emma gets one point, Dave gets two, Waka gets three, Tommy gets four,
43:16but Lisa wins the task with five points.
43:18Oh, my problem.
43:20Okay.
43:20In terms of scores for the episode, it's a tight one with Waka at the bottom on 10 points,
43:26Tommy only four ahead in the lead currently on 14 points.
43:32Okay, take those mugs and the rest of your persons up onto the stage for the final task of the show.
43:38All right, teams are back, so we've got the aged team and the better team.
43:47Who's reading the task?
43:48The team of three, aka the better team.
43:51Ride for exactly 111 metres while sketching a sketchy sketch.
43:56One of your teammates must be riding, all others must be sketching.
44:01You may only sketch whilst pedals are in motion, closest to 111 metres road winds.
44:08However, if your sketch is deemed least sketchy, your difference from 111 metres will be doubled.
44:15You have 180 seconds.
44:17Are you going to decide something to draw?
44:23Okay, A team, who will be riding the bike?
44:25I will ride the bike.
44:27B team, who will be riding the bike?
44:28Si, senor.
44:29Fantastic.
44:30Your time starts now.
44:32Can you actually, like, sometimes you might have to go a little bit slower, Dave.
44:36Are you guys ready?
44:36Yep.
44:37One, oh, two.
44:38Just thanks.
44:39Yep.
44:40Just hold on.
44:41That is...
44:42Go a little bit slower.
44:44Can you slow down a little bit?
44:45I'm going as slow as I can.
44:46Yep, oh my god, okay.
44:48How many spins has it done?
44:49I've lost count and I didn't know what it was meant to be anyway.
44:52We're going way over, man.
44:53You're spinning pretty hard there.
44:55Maybe you focus on your spinning, bro.
44:58You've got to keep moving.
44:59You've got to keep moving.
45:00I am!
45:01Disqualify them!
45:02Shut up!
45:04Two minutes, I...
45:04Oh, Scheichenhausen.
45:06Keep riding, Dave.
45:07Way over, man.
45:07What do you mean I'm way over?
45:08You're way over.
45:09Have you seen how slow I'm riding?
45:10Dave, I don't think you're even interested in the hell that I'm going through here.
45:14You haven't asked...
45:15You haven't asked me once.
45:17You know, you've got this.
45:18You won four gold loaded for a reason.
45:20For a little bit.
45:21This is just so shit.
45:23Hang on, he's spinning like a top.
45:25I thought I needed some more mileage.
45:27Keep going, mate.
45:28There's someone chasing you.
45:3030 seconds.
45:31Wow.
45:32Can you slow down?
45:32Can you slow down?
45:33Do you have time to slow down?
45:34I'm not moving.
45:35He's not moving.
45:36I'm just trying to...
45:39Come on, Lisa.
45:40Four.
45:40I think that's...
45:41You can do this.
45:42It's the best we can do.
45:43One.
45:43Oh, my God.
45:44Yes!
45:47Oh, my God.
45:50We've won.
45:52All right.
45:52Just when a few cyclists have looked at the TV and thought,
45:55finally, someone's taking us seriously.
45:58We'll be back to look at the portraits after the break.
46:00Welcome back to Taskmaster.
46:15What's going on, Cashman?
46:17Our contestants have just done a live task where our teams sent someone for a ride on a bike of
46:21exactly 111 metres, and whilst they did so, the rest of their team sketched a sketchy sketch
46:25on a canvas attached to the back of the bike's wheel.
46:28Simple stuff.
46:30Before I reveal the distances and how close they got to 111 metres,
46:33you need to judge whose sketch was the sketchiest.
46:36Can we see the sketches?
46:37All right.
46:38That's the better team.
46:39B team, better team.
46:40In this case may not be better.
46:42It's upside down.
46:43Oh.
46:46Really?
46:46It feels like it looks pretty symmetric in both axes.
46:50No, it's upside down.
46:51Really?
46:51I think that will be the end of what you say about it.
46:53You're silencing a woman.
46:54Yes.
46:54I'm thinking maybe it's a record player.
47:00Let's see the next sketch.
47:01It says down the bottom, where's Lance?
47:08I'm guessing Lance Armstrong.
47:09Maybe it's a tour de France.
47:10I feel like the inspiration was right in front of Lisa, which was a bike.
47:13So I think there are bicycles all over there.
47:16Oh my god.
47:16And Lance Armstrong was very sketchy.
47:18Out of the two of them, I think Lance Armstrong is far more sketchy.
47:26The A team said they were sketching Lance Armstrong injecting steroids whilst riding a bike.
47:31Okay.
47:32The B team said they were going to draw the earth holding a knife.
47:35It has like a sketchy look.
47:41That's like a smile and two eyes.
47:42And then he's got a little arm with the knife coming in.
47:44Okay.
47:45He's really upset about global warming.
47:48Okay.
47:48So what scores do we allocate?
47:50Well, it came down to who had the sketchiest drawing.
47:54So Dave and Lisa rode 76 meters.
47:57That's 35 meters short of 111, which was your target.
48:00The B team rode 175.2.
48:032 meters.
48:06That's 64 meters over 111.
48:08Yes.
48:09But then after the doubling, you're 128 meters away.
48:14Not bad.
48:16So the A team wins.
48:17Yes!
48:22Okay.
48:22So to allocate points, I think I'll go 5-5, 2-2-2.
48:25Okay.
48:29Okay.
48:30And who is our winner of the episode?
48:32Waka was in last place with 12 points.
48:33And we had Emma with 13, Tommy with 16, Dave with 17.
48:37But Lisa wins the episode with 18 points.
48:38Oh, really?
48:40I am so genuinely shocked.
48:42I'm genuinely shocked.
48:43Congrats, Lisa.
48:44Get up on stage and claim your frustrating Desert Island stuff.
48:50Well then, what have we learned?
48:51Hughsy taught us he had a grouse house.
48:54And right now, Tom's learning that it's tickled dice.
49:02See you next week.
49:03We're going to leave tonight.
49:20Well, why don't you shake it all about for us?
49:22You suck and I hate your outfit.
49:26No!
49:29Let's go!
49:30I can't believe I'm saying this.
49:32But watching two 53-year-olds do Gangnam Style was the least awkward bit.
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