Former school chums Sophie and Gemma re-unite after 20 years at Sophie's country estate.
But the idyllic sounding long weekend takes a turn for the unexpected.
Starring Emma Fielding and Jane Slavin.
Black comedy written by Jeremy Front.
Gemma ...... Emma Fielding
Sophie ...... Jane Slavin
Toby ...... Stephen Tompkinson
Inspector Fenton ...... Clive Merrison
Dodo ...... Clare Corbett
Freddie ...... Robert Portal
Ivor ...... Ben Crowe
Director: Sally Avens
First broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in February 2003.
Do you enjoy the variety on Oldtuberadio?
Like, Share and Subscribe to be notified of our new shows
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But the idyllic sounding long weekend takes a turn for the unexpected.
Starring Emma Fielding and Jane Slavin.
Black comedy written by Jeremy Front.
Gemma ...... Emma Fielding
Sophie ...... Jane Slavin
Toby ...... Stephen Tompkinson
Inspector Fenton ...... Clive Merrison
Dodo ...... Clare Corbett
Freddie ...... Robert Portal
Ivor ...... Ben Crowe
Director: Sally Avens
First broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in February 2003.
Do you enjoy the variety on Oldtuberadio?
Like, Share and Subscribe to be notified of our new shows
#radio #crime #thriller #drama
To Support this channel please visit
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/oldtuberadio
https://ko-fi.com/oldtuberadio98
https://www.patreon.com/oldtuberadio
https://locals.com/Oldtuberadio
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00The Long Weekend by Jeremy Front
00:12Mrs. Ford, I'm so sorry to have kept you.
00:21You wouldn't believe the amount of red tape we have to deal with now in this job,
00:24and I've been tied up in it all morning.
00:26Oh, I'm sorry, Inspector Fenton?
00:28How do you do?
00:29How do you do?
00:30I was sorry to hear about your husband.
00:35It's a terrible business.
00:36Yes.
00:38If you can't postpone this, if you'd rather...
00:40No, no, I'd like to get it over with.
00:42Of course, of course.
00:44Would you like some more tea or...
00:45No, thanks.
00:48It's been a nightmare.
00:50I keep expecting to wake up and find Toby's here,
00:52and everything's just as it was before.
00:55Sorry.
00:55Not at all.
00:56No.
00:56What would you like to know?
01:01Everything.
01:02Everything.
01:03Anything and everything you can remember.
01:08We'd been invited to Sophie and Freddie's for the weekend.
01:11Well, the Long Weekend, Friday night to Sunday.
01:13For the record, Sophie and Freddie are Mr. and Mrs. Gowagor.
01:17That's right.
01:19We left home at about 4.30 on Friday,
01:22hoping to clear London before the rush hour.
01:24You know there are speed cameras along this stretch.
01:28I'm not going that fast.
01:29You're over the limit.
01:30Everyone's over the limit.
01:31Oh, well...
01:32Hello?
01:36It's a terrible signal, Stella.
01:37You'd better speak...
01:39Who's Malcolm Powder?
01:44Talcum Powder.
01:45Right, when?
01:47Wednesday's good.
01:48No, you're...
01:49You're fading, Stella.
01:51You're...
01:52I'll call you Monday.
01:55She's gone again.
01:57What was that?
01:58Voice job for baby powder.
01:59Well, I wouldn't think of you as the voice of baby powder.
02:02I'm fresh, sensitive and delicately fragranced.
02:05Anyway, it's not me they want.
02:06It's Detective Inspector Mags.
02:08Oh, Mags.
02:09Don't knock her, Toby.
02:11Advertisers love her tough yet sincere and caring tones.
02:14Well, she certainly brings home the bacon.
02:16And I suppose a lifetime supply of baby powder might come in handy one of these days.
02:21Don't jump the gun.
02:21Just planning ahead.
02:22Just planning ahead and there's counting chickens.
02:24And this chicken's eggs are past their best bite.
02:27Please slow down.
02:29I can't help if it's a rapid car.
02:31A rapid car?
02:32Look, there's no point in having a car like this if you don't ask it to respond.
02:36Rapid car?
02:36Ask it to respond?
02:38Where's this coming from?
02:38I thought I'd married a sensitive craftsman, not a testosterone-fuelled alpha male.
02:42A car this powerful needs to show what it can do.
02:46All it needs to do tonight is to get us to Sophie's place alive.
02:51You really don't want to go, do you?
02:53She's your friend.
02:55You could have cried off.
02:56It was made perfectly clear that in the event of my not turning up,
03:00certain privileges would be withheld until further notice.
03:03I said withdrawn.
03:05Not withheld.
03:06And in perpetuity, not until further notice.
03:09Ah, we're in one of those moods.
03:11One of what moods?
03:12One of your picky-pernickety-pedantic moods.
03:15It's a double tautology.
03:17You see?
03:19You idiots!
03:21Did you see that?
03:22Did you see the way he cut in?
03:24Forget it.
03:24Let him go.
03:25Just because he's in a clapped-out old van,
03:27he can't stand to see someone cruising along in a machine like this.
03:30That's where ostentation gets you.
03:31Now, this car's not ostentatious.
03:33It's luxurious.
03:35There's nothing wrong with the old car.
03:37They're unreliable, noisy,
03:39vibrated so much it loosened your fillings.
03:41I haven't got any fillings.
03:43I haven't now.
03:44Anyway, I didn't ask you to pay for it.
03:47No.
03:48I told you.
03:49I had a windfall.
03:50Some windfall?
03:51I'm a lucky man.
03:54I married you, didn't I?
03:55That wasn't luck.
03:56It was good judgment.
03:58Well, it was about time you had some quality in your life.
04:00Like this car.
04:02And quality don't come cheap, babe.
04:04Don't call me babe.
04:05I'm 38.
04:06It's undignified.
04:07Well, you look 28.
04:09He said, adjusting his bifocals.
04:12Put your foot down, will you?
04:14Well, you just said...
04:15He said we'd arrive about seven.
04:18Did you pack your pills?
04:19Yes.
04:20Did you pack the radio?
04:23Yes.
04:24Pills?
04:25Sorry?
04:26Er, you said pills.
04:29You asked your husband if he'd packed his pills.
04:31For his heart.
04:32Oh?
04:33He developed a slight ventricular problem,
04:34brought on my stress, the doctor said.
04:36I see.
04:37And the radio?
04:39Ah, the radio.
04:40That's a little embarrassing.
04:42Um, Toby was a fervent atheist
04:45and took great pleasure in...
04:48How shall I put this?
04:50He liked to make love during the act of worship
04:53on Sunday mornings.
04:56He was still rebelling against the Jesuitical schooling.
05:00I see.
05:01Mm-hmm.
05:02Um, forgive me for prying,
05:06but did it have to be a Catholic service?
05:10Oh, no.
05:10Oh, most branches of Anglicanism would do,
05:12but a mass was a bonus.
05:14Oh.
05:16Well, you've come across some fascinating proclivities in this job,
05:20but this is a new one on me.
05:22Well, I take it that you were happy with the arrangement.
05:25I understood.
05:26I was educated by some pretty savage nuns myself.
05:29He wasn't put off by the hymns?
05:33Only the modern ones.
05:34But that was on aesthetic rather than theological grounds.
05:38This won't go any further.
05:39Oh, well, there's nothing illegal about your husband's peccadillo,
05:42Mrs. Ford.
05:43No, no, fear not.
05:44It'll remain strictly between ourselves.
05:47Oh, good.
05:48Only these are just the sort of things the tabloids
05:50would love to get on a person in my position.
05:53I don't know if you watch much television,
05:55but I'm in a detective series.
05:57Max, yes, yes.
05:58My wife's a big fan.
06:00Yeah, it's very, very entertaining.
06:02Oh, bless you for that.
06:03What time did you arrive at the Gower Gores?
06:08About eight.
06:10I don't know what had been going on before we arrived,
06:13but the tension was tangible.
06:15No!
06:17No!
06:17No!
06:18No, Molly, no, you stupid bitch!
06:33No!
06:39Glass of what?
06:40Gin, now.
06:41Very good wine.
06:42It's very good gin,
06:44but the last one ended up on the kitchen floor
06:46thanks to your bloody Labrador.
06:48Poor old Molly.
06:49Poor old Molly?
06:51What about poor old Sophie, eh?
06:52What about me?
06:54Where's the Vermouth?
06:56Hmm?
06:57Vermouth.
06:57Where's the Vermouth?
06:59There's tonic.
07:00You didn't get any, did you?
07:01You forgot.
07:02You forgot
07:03after I expressly asked you to get some.
07:07God in heaven, Freddie,
07:08why do I bother?
07:10Sorry, old girl.
07:10Well, that's easy to say.
07:13And if someone wants a martini...
07:15Do people drink martinis anymore?
07:16I do.
07:17There's plenty of wine.
07:18Oh, well, that's okay then.
07:20There's plenty of wine,
07:21so Freddie's happy
07:22and all's right with the world.
07:26Something burning?
07:28Oh!
07:28Oh!
07:34Roger!
07:35Roger!
07:36Roger!
07:36Roger!
07:36Roger!
07:36Roger!
07:38No, dear.
07:40The better I'd ever do,
07:41you're a Mr. Ingraticola.
07:43Well done.
07:44Problem?
07:45No, not if you like charcoal.
07:47Why don't you sit down for a minute?
07:48Put your feet up.
07:49Have a breather.
07:50I haven't got time to have a breather.
07:52I've barely got time to breathe.
07:55Everyone's got time to sit down,
07:57and you deserve it, old girl.
07:58Don't call me old girl.
08:00You've been working so hard.
08:02Here, take your gin and sit.
08:04Freddie insists.
08:06Oh!
08:08Don't...
08:08Oh, what then?
08:11Why is there a bottle of vermouth
08:13under the sofa cushion?
08:14It's in there.
08:15Sorry, old girl.
08:16Oh, stop calling me old girl.
08:19I'm not an old girl.
08:20I'm...
08:21I'm young, middle-aged.
08:24I think you do this on purpose,
08:26this...
08:26this...
08:26this...
08:27hiding bottles and...
08:29Calm down, Sophie.
08:31Don't tell me to calm down.
08:33Okay, steady on.
08:35I am steady.
08:36Don't tell me I'm not steady.
08:37And if I'm not,
08:38is it any wonder
08:39I have to do everything myself?
08:41Oh, that's not fair.
08:42All right, the wine.
08:44Everything except the wine.
08:46That's what I'm good at.
08:48You're good at the cooking
08:49and the arranging
08:49and the organising.
08:50I'm good at wine.
08:51We play to our strengths.
08:53That's what makes us
08:54such a great team.
08:55Are you trying to give me
08:56a heart attack?
08:57Is that what you want?
08:59Because you're going
08:59the right way about it.
09:01You don't think you're being
09:02a tad melodramatic.
09:03There's my girl.
09:06For God's sake,
09:08get her off the sofa.
09:10Come on, Molly.
09:11Let's get out of
09:11Molly's hair.
09:12I'm not her mummy.
09:14We'll get some air.
09:15They'll be here any minute.
09:16Once round the lake.
09:17Won't be long.
09:19Use the kitchen door.
09:21And don't let her go
09:22in the water.
09:23I'm not having
09:23muddy paw prints everywhere.
09:25Put your feet up
09:26for five minutes.
09:27Oh, yes.
09:27That's all you know
09:28about, isn't it, Freddie?
09:29Putting your feet up.
09:31That's what they'll
09:32put on your grave.
09:33Here lies
09:34Freddie Gower Gore
09:35finally put his feet up
09:37for all eternity.
09:39Go shh.
09:40I turn on the ends.
09:47Gemma.
09:50Oh, lovely to see you.
09:52And you must be Toby.
09:54Yes, that's me.
09:55Come in, come in.
09:57Was the atmosphere
09:58tenser than usual?
10:01I wouldn't know
10:01what was usual.
10:03Oh, I thought you said
10:04you were old friends.
10:05Sophie and I, yes,
10:06very old.
10:06We were inseparable
10:07at school,
10:08but I hadn't seen her
10:09for, oh, 20 years.
10:11So this was, what,
10:12a reunion?
10:13We used the same perfume.
10:15Perfume?
10:16Cadogan's.
10:17It's a posh perfume shop
10:18in...
10:19South Audley Street.
10:20Even provincial coppers
10:21get up to London
10:22from time to time.
10:23Of course.
10:24I didn't mean to imply...
10:25My wife likes
10:26woodland musk.
10:28How lovely.
10:30Well, I was in there
10:31a couple of months ago.
10:33As it happens,
10:34it was the first time
10:34I'd been out of the house
10:35since this rather unsavoury
10:37story about me
10:38and all the papers.
10:38Yeah, this was the business
10:39about the showbiz party
10:40and the ping-pong balls.
10:41Complete fiction, of course.
10:42I don't even play ping-pong.
10:44Anyone that knows me
10:45will tell you
10:45I'm hopeless at games
10:46and I can't hit a ball
10:47to save my life,
10:47so the idea of me
10:49firing one out of...
10:50Can we get back
10:50to the events?
10:52Oh, events, yes.
10:53Sorry.
10:54Well,
10:55I was in Caduggans
10:57and in Walk Sophie
10:58just like that
10:59out of the blue.
11:00It transpires.
11:01We both use
11:02George and Rose bus.
11:04Events, Mrs Ford?
11:05Oh, events, yes.
11:06Oh, concentrate, Gemma.
11:08Well, the years
11:08just fell away.
11:09It was like
11:09we'd only been talking
11:10the day before
11:11rather than
11:12twenty years earlier.
11:14So when she invited us
11:15for the weekend
11:15I thought,
11:16great, lovely.
11:17So this was the first time
11:19you'd seen
11:19the Gower Gores together.
11:22That's right.
11:24Another martini, Gemma?
11:25I won't, thanks.
11:27Oh, go on.
11:28No, really, I don't.
11:29Well, at least
11:30have some more olives.
11:32They were delicious
11:33but I think
11:33they're all gone.
11:34Gone?
11:35They can't be all gone.
11:37I told Freddie
11:38to buy a pound
11:39of Provencal
11:39and a pound of Picante.
11:41I bought all they had.
11:42You can't have.
11:44There are some
11:44silver onions.
11:45Silver onions?
11:47Peanuts?
11:49Peanuts?
11:49I like peanuts.
11:51I'm so sorry, everyone.
11:53I can't trust
11:54my beloved
11:55to do anything,
11:56can I, darling?
11:57If you want to get
11:58anything done
11:58do it yourself,
11:59eh, Gemma?
12:01Encore de booze, Toby.
12:02Cheers.
12:07Fantastic house.
12:08Oh, yeah.
12:09How old is it?
12:11Mostly 18th
12:12with a few 17th
12:13nooks and crannies.
12:14Freddie was born here?
12:15In the 20th century.
12:16Oh, imagine living
12:19in the house
12:19you were born in.
12:20Well, the family's
12:21always lived here,
12:22so I suppose I never
12:22imagined living
12:23anywhere else.
12:24Pay through the nose
12:25for the privilege,
12:25mind you.
12:26Cheers.
12:27Here's to a lovely
12:28weekend at our
12:29little country
12:30boat.
12:31Cheers.
12:31Cheers.
12:35You've come a long
12:36way since
12:37Dagenham, eh,
12:38Sophie?
12:39I haven't forgotten
12:39my roots.
12:40No, I wasn't...
12:42Can I just say,
12:47that is a particularly
12:48beautiful shirt,
12:49Freddie.
12:50Oh, thank you.
12:51Such an exquisite
12:52hang, it almost
12:52looks like it was
12:53made for you.
12:54Well, it was
12:55as it happened.
12:56The latest addition
12:57to Freddie's
12:57extensive collection.
12:59Maybe he'll give you
13:00a guided tour of
13:00his dressing room
13:01later.
13:03Dressing room.
13:03You've got a
13:06dressing room.
13:07A bit more
13:08coward, don't you
13:09think, Jim?
13:09A bit present
13:10laughter.
13:11Well, you probably
13:12don't need to dress
13:13up for work, eh,
13:13Timmy?
13:14One of the perks
13:15of the freelance,
13:16and a real treat
13:17after years in a
13:17suit.
13:18You haven't always
13:19been in the
13:19pottery line, then?
13:20No, I was a
13:2124-7 city boy
13:22till my mid-twenties.
13:23Futures.
13:24Ah, all coke and
13:25shampers, was it?
13:25No.
13:27Well, maybe the
13:28odd dry sherry,
13:29you know,
13:29isn't it?
13:31No, no,
13:32seriously, though,
13:33I had to get
13:33out in the end.
13:34I kept getting
13:34these terrible,
13:35um, I won't bore
13:37you with the
13:37symptoms, but I
13:38ended up seeing
13:38a top heart man
13:39who said,
13:40basically, get out
13:41now or you'll
13:42be dead before
13:42you're 40.
13:44Just imagine,
13:46Freddie, working
13:46yourself to death.
13:48Well, you're
13:49still here.
13:49Well, don't tempt
13:50providence, I've
13:51got eight years to
13:52go.
13:53You mean you're
13:53only 32?
13:54Yeah.
13:55Did you hear
13:55that, safe?
13:55Only 32?
13:56Oh, disgraceful.
13:58How dare you
13:58be only 32?
14:00Goes for older
14:01women, does he?
14:02He goes for
14:02women of all
14:03ages.
14:03Went.
14:04Past tense.
14:05I've only got
14:06ice for you
14:06now, my darling.
14:08Oh, isn't that
14:09sweet?
14:10Hmm.
14:11Stress, was it?
14:12Stress, ridiculous
14:13hours, constant
14:14travel, terrible
14:15diet.
14:16Well, anyway,
14:17so long as I
14:18don't drink,
14:18don't have sex
14:19and keep taking
14:19the pills, I'll
14:20be fine.
14:21Don't drink?
14:22See where
14:23Freddie's priorities
14:24lie?
14:24No, on then
14:25if you're
14:26offering to...
14:26Easy, Tobes.
14:29I couldn't
14:30work on my
14:31own, I'd
14:31end up
14:32talking to
14:32the walls.
14:33You do
14:33that now.
14:34I wonder
14:35why.
14:36But you're
14:36not on your
14:37own, are
14:37you, Toby?
14:38Not now, there's
14:38the gorgeous
14:39doe-eyed
14:39Georgina.
14:41Who's Georgina?
14:42Just a girl I've
14:43taken on as a
14:44studio assistant.
14:45Just a girl?
14:46You should see
14:46her, Sophie.
14:47Oh, new car,
14:49new staff.
14:50Hardly sounds
14:51like you've
14:51dropped out of
14:52the rat race.
14:53Well, I had a
14:53little whimful
14:54from some
14:54investments I
14:55made way
14:55back.
14:56Didn't want
14:57to sponge
14:57off Gemma
14:58forever.
14:59But for
14:59you, a
15:00man should
15:01pay his
15:01way.
15:02No one
15:03likes a
15:03sponge.
15:04Sounds like
15:05I can't
15:05have his
15:05cut.
15:06I'll get.
15:15Ah, I were
15:16fussably late
15:17as ever.
15:18Hello, all.
15:19I waited
15:20till the
15:20last minute
15:20in case I
15:21got a better
15:21offer.
15:22Then I
15:22thought, oh
15:22well,
15:23it'll have
15:23to be
15:23Sophie and
15:24Freddie.
15:25Vodka and
15:25tonic if
15:26you're offering
15:26Soph.
15:27Who's this
15:28then?
15:29This is
15:29Gemma.
15:30We were
15:30at school
15:30together.
15:31You must
15:31be the
15:32actress,
15:32right?
15:33Yes.
15:34And Gemma's
15:35husband,
15:35Toby.
15:36Hello, Gemma's
15:37husband,
15:37Toby.
15:38Toby's
15:39obviously a
15:39person in
15:40his own
15:40right.
15:41Is that
15:41your three
15:42series
15:42beamer out
15:43front?
15:43Yes.
15:44A bit of
15:45trim hanging
15:45off the
15:45nearside
15:46bumper.
15:47Huh?
15:47I kicked
15:48it back in
15:48place for
15:48you.
15:49Saved you
15:49a couple
15:49of quid.
15:50Oh,
15:50thanks.
15:52One vodka
15:53and tonic.
15:54Cheers.
15:55Well,
15:55here we
15:55all are.
15:56Not quite.
15:58What's
15:59Freddie doing?
15:59He took the
16:00bags upstairs.
16:01He put out
16:02the bunting.
16:03He's made
16:03himself useful
16:04for once.
16:05Hi,
16:05everyone.
16:09I'm
16:09Dodo.
16:12Dodo.
16:13I'm with
16:13Ivor.
16:14Dodo was
16:15at a loose
16:15end, so I
16:16said good old
16:16Sophie and
16:17Freddie wouldn't
16:17mind if you
16:18tagged along.
16:19I hope
16:19I'm not
16:19like putting
16:20you out.
16:21She's not
16:21putting us
16:22out, is
16:22she said?
16:23No.
16:24No, the
16:24more the
16:24merrier.
16:25Liberty Hall,
16:26yeah?
16:26Yeah, that's
16:26what I said.
16:27Cool.
16:28I put the
16:28bags in your
16:29usual room,
16:30Ivor.
16:30Cheers,
16:30got that.
16:32Cool room.
16:33It's really
16:34like oldie
16:35worldie.
16:36Well, we're
16:37quite old
16:37fashioned out
16:38here in the
16:38sticks.
16:39Oh, I didn't
16:39mean...
16:39We're not
16:40cutting edge
16:40interior design
16:41wise.
16:42No, it's
16:42really like
16:43cool.
16:44Well, we'll
16:44have to turn
16:44the heating
16:45up.
16:45No, it's
16:46nice.
16:47It's lovely.
16:48It's cool.
16:50Yes, you
16:50said.
16:51They're my
16:52grands.
16:53Oh, God.
16:56Well, how
16:57about some
16:57scarf?
16:58Sophie?
16:59Who?
17:00Food?
17:01Food?
17:02Yes.
17:03Sure.
17:04Everyone
17:05follow
17:05Freddy.
17:09I hope I
17:10haven't put you
17:11out, Sophie.
17:12Not at all.
17:14Do you know
17:14me?
17:14Easy
17:15car,
17:15easy
17:15go.
17:15Red or
17:18white,
17:19I don't
17:19know.
17:19What have
17:20we got
17:20here?
17:21You might
17:21like to
17:21try this
17:2291 Grand
17:22Prix
17:22Lacoste
17:23Poyac.
17:24Go on,
17:24then.
17:24Give us
17:24a glug.
17:27So,
17:27bit of a
17:28beamer man,
17:28are you,
17:29Toby?
17:29I like it.
17:30How do you
17:30know Gemma's
17:31not a bit of
17:31a beamer woman?
17:32Watch out,
17:33Freddie,
17:33your missus is
17:34going all
17:34women's lip
17:35on you.
17:36Women's lip?
17:37Red or
17:37white,
17:37Gemma?
17:38White,
17:38please.
17:39No one says
17:39women's lip
17:40anymore,
17:41do they,
17:41Gemma?
17:41Well,
17:42feminist,
17:43then.
17:43No one said
17:44women's lip
17:45since 1977.
17:46Whatever.
17:47Did it?
17:48Oh,
17:48I think I'd
17:49like to try
17:49give her the
17:50white.
17:50No,
17:51her answer
17:51for herself,
17:52Ivor.
17:52I know,
17:53Dodo,
17:53I know
17:54she won't
17:54like the
17:54red.
17:55Why,
17:55please.
17:56Told you.
17:58So,
17:59you and
17:59Sophie work
18:00together?
18:01She's got
18:01the brains
18:02and I've
18:02got the
18:02good looks.
18:03Or is it
18:04the other
18:04way round?
18:05I set the
18:06company up
18:06in 98
18:06and Ivor
18:07came on
18:08board two
18:08years later.
18:09Dragged her
18:09into the
18:1021st century.
18:11Hardly
18:11needed
18:11dragging.
18:12She says.
18:14Gigi
18:14Events was
18:15a decent
18:15little business
18:16but stuck
18:16in the past.
18:18In I come,
18:18rebrand the
18:19company,
18:19bish bash
18:20bosh,
18:20doubled the
18:21turnover in
18:21the first
18:21year.
18:22Excuse me,
18:23you rebranded
18:24the company,
18:24we rebranded
18:26the company.
18:26Hello,
18:27she's off on
18:27the old
18:28feminist rant
18:28again.
18:29What's got
18:30into you?
18:31Nothing's
18:31got into me,
18:32I am a
18:32feminist.
18:34What are you
18:34laughing at?
18:35You haven't
18:36got a political
18:37bone in your
18:37body.
18:38Steady on her,
18:38lad.
18:39Come on,
18:40Freddie,
18:40she hasn't.
18:41Excuse me,
18:41who's she?
18:42The cat's
18:43mother?
18:43You don't know
18:44anything about
18:44my politics.
18:46How about
18:46you,
18:47Dodo?
18:47Are you a
18:48feminist?
18:48I hadn't
18:49really given it
18:50that much
18:50thought.
18:51I can believe
18:52that.
18:53It's not
18:53really like my
18:53thing.
18:54I mean,
18:54when I hear
18:55politicians,
18:56I'm like,
18:56yeah,
18:57you are like
18:57so not going
18:58to change
18:58the world.
19:00Oh,
19:00well,
19:01each to their
19:01own.
19:02More weight?
19:03Cool.
19:04So,
19:05how long have
19:06you known
19:06Ivor?
19:07A couple of
19:07weeks.
19:08Oh,
19:08that long?
19:09Nice cars,
19:10Beamers.
19:10Yes.
19:11I've had two
19:11or three of
19:12the old
19:12Bavarian
19:13bombers.
19:14Where did
19:14you two meet?
19:15Amsterdam.
19:16Good machines,
19:16but you can't
19:18beat the
19:18Lexus.
19:19You've got
19:19a Lexus,
19:20SC430
19:21convertible.
19:22Give it a
19:22spin tomorrow
19:23if you like.
19:24What were you
19:24doing in
19:25Amsterdam?
19:25Goes like a
19:26rocket.
19:26Working,
19:27yeah,
19:27like a
19:28trade show.
19:29Are you
19:29asking a
19:30question or
19:30are you
19:31Australian?
19:32I'm sorry,
19:33I don't...
19:33She was
19:33modelling.
19:34Of course
19:35she was.
19:36With a figure
19:37like that,
19:37you either
19:38have to be
19:38a model
19:38or a
19:39teenager.
19:40She's
19:40both.
19:41Really?
19:42Really?
19:42Really?
19:43Only just.
19:44You're a
19:46model.
19:47I'll do a
19:48bit.
19:48Lovely
19:49tomatoes.
19:50Clever old
19:51cook,
19:51my missus.
19:52Not so much
19:53of the old,
19:53thank you.
19:54Yes,
19:54you can tell
19:55she likes
19:55her food.
19:56What's that
19:57supposed to
19:57mean?
19:58A compliment
19:58to the chef,
19:59that's all.
20:00Yes,
20:00it's gorgeous.
20:02It's burnt.
20:05So,
20:05what's it
20:06like?
20:06What?
20:07Modelling.
20:08Oh,
20:08you know.
20:09I always
20:09imagine it's
20:10terribly glamorous.
20:10You think
20:11about modelling
20:11a lot,
20:12do you?
20:13Um,
20:14no,
20:15I wouldn't
20:15say a lot.
20:15And you,
20:16married to
20:16a beautiful,
20:17successful actress.
20:18Oh,
20:19Sophie.
20:20Resting,
20:20are you?
20:21I were.
20:22I thought
20:22most actresses
20:23were signing
20:23on.
20:24Actually,
20:24I'm quite
20:25busy.
20:26Waitressing?
20:27Acting.
20:29Would I have
20:29seen you
20:30in anything?
20:30How do I know?
20:31Oh,
20:31Ivor,
20:32what a thing
20:32to say.
20:33Gemma's a
20:33household name.
20:34Well,
20:35I wouldn't say
20:35a household name.
20:35Of course
20:36you wouldn't.
20:36You do
20:36look terribly
20:37familiar.
20:38Do I?
20:39Gemma plays
20:39Max.
20:40Were you
20:40in that
20:40perfume,
20:41Matt?
20:41What's
20:41Max?
20:42The one
20:42with the
20:42two
20:42girls
20:43walking
20:43out
20:43of
20:43a
20:43lake?
20:43Max
20:44is
20:44a
20:44dancer
20:45who
20:45was
20:45a
20:45detective.
20:46No,
20:46I haven't
20:47done any
20:47perfume
20:47ads.
20:48Actually,
20:48it's
20:48the other
20:48way around.
20:49She
20:58police
20:59drama
20:59combining
20:59tough
21:00storylines
21:00with
21:00lavishly
21:01choreographed
21:01dance
21:02routines.
21:05I've
21:05got a
21:06rather good
21:06arm in
21:06here.
21:07If anyone
21:07would like
21:08some.
21:08Yes,
21:08please.
21:10It all
21:10sounds a
21:11bit
21:11strained.
21:12It was
21:12butter-clenchingly
21:13embarrassing.
21:14So why
21:14didn't you
21:15make an
21:15excuse and
21:15leave?
21:16You
21:16can't,
21:17can you?
21:18Not when
21:18you're a
21:18guest in
21:19someone's...
21:20Well,
21:20I can't.
21:22Remember,
21:22this was my
21:23oldest school
21:23friend.
21:25If I
21:25know then
21:26what I
21:26know now...
21:27But you've
21:27already said
21:27your husband
21:28was reluctant
21:29to go in
21:29the first
21:29place.
21:30That's
21:30true,
21:31but things
21:31had livened
21:32up for
21:32Toby.
21:33In what
21:33way?
21:34Well,
21:35for starters,
21:35there was
21:36enough booze
21:36sloshing around
21:37to float a
21:37ship.
21:38Forgive me
21:39for asking,
21:40but did
21:41your husband
21:41have a
21:42drink problem?
21:43Oh,
21:43no,
21:43nothing like
21:44that.
21:45He wasn't
21:46supposed to
21:46drink with
21:46his medication,
21:47that's all.
21:48But with
21:49everyone else
21:49drinking like
21:50there was
21:50no tomorrow,
21:50he was off
21:51the leash.
21:52Yes,
21:52you said,
21:52for starters,
21:54what else
21:55had livened
21:56the weekend
21:56up for your
21:57husband?
21:57Oh,
21:58yes,
21:58what else?
22:05Who was
22:10that?
22:11Oh,
22:11you're awake.
22:13Who are you
22:14talking to?
22:15Um,
22:16what's the name?
22:17Dodo.
22:18I thought you
22:18were cleaning
22:19your teeth?
22:19Yeah,
22:20well,
22:20buddy.
22:23Move over.
22:24what?
22:32That's just
22:33something she
22:34said.
22:35She said
22:35something amusing.
22:36Well,
22:37did you know
22:38that some
22:39older models
22:40use hemorrhoid
22:41ointment to
22:42smooth out the
22:43bags under
22:43their eyes?
22:44That's funny,
22:45is it?
22:46I think so.
22:47No idea
22:48of a joke.
22:49Maybe you
22:50think I
22:50should plaster
22:51my face
22:51with hemorrhoid
22:52ointment
22:52or my
22:53entire body.
22:53You're
22:54no model.
22:55I'm
22:55no spring
22:55chicken
22:56either.
22:56Oh,
22:56for goodness
22:57sake.
22:57I wish to
22:58nature
22:58and everything
22:58has to be
22:59hitched,
22:59strapped and
23:00underpinned.
23:00I don't get
23:00dressed anymore.
23:01I do
23:01structural
23:02engineering,
23:02not something
23:03miss cute
23:03little china
23:04doll features
23:04need worry
23:05about for
23:05the foreseeable
23:05future.
23:06It's not
23:06my fault
23:07that Ivor
23:07decided to
23:08bring his
23:08trophy
23:09girlfriend
23:09along for
23:10the weekend.
23:11That trophy
23:11girlfriend,
23:12more like.
23:12There's nothing
23:13wrong with
23:14being under
23:1425.
23:16I mean,
23:16you can't
23:17condemn
23:17someone for
23:18not having
23:19lived as
23:19long as
23:20you.
23:20Watch
23:20me.
23:21I'm
23:22going to
23:22sleep.
23:26And that
23:26awful upward
23:27inflection.
23:28What?
23:29A tentative
23:30querulous
23:30little question
23:31mark at
23:31the end
23:32of all
23:32dodo's
23:32sentences.
23:33Yeah,
23:34it's just
23:34the fashion.
23:35It's an
23:35insidious
23:36creeping
23:36disease.
23:37It's a
23:37young
23:37person's
23:38thing.
23:39There you
23:39go again,
23:40rubbing my
23:41nose in it.
23:42Youth isn't
23:42everything,
23:43you know.
23:43Although I
23:44can quite
23:44understand
23:44where you
23:45might find
23:45her
23:45attractive.
23:46Okay.
23:48Yeah,
23:48you're
23:48right.
23:49Yeah,
23:50she's
23:50got an
23:50amazing
23:51figure.
23:51You know,
23:52if you
23:52go for
23:52the
23:53tall,
23:54slim,
23:54hip,
23:55boyish
23:55type,
23:56I mean,
23:56those
23:56big,
23:57dark
23:58eyes,
23:58right?
23:58Right?
23:59Right?
24:01I wish
24:02I'd never
24:03said yes
24:03to this
24:04weekend.
24:05Don't
24:05come
24:06here,
24:06you.
24:08Now,
24:08tomorrow,
24:09we'll get
24:10some fresh
24:10country air,
24:12have a nice
24:12dinner,
24:13and then
24:13Sunday
24:14afternoon,
24:14we'll
24:15head back
24:15to the
24:15smoke.
24:18I know,
24:18you're
24:19right.
24:19I'm just
24:20a bit
24:21tense.
24:22Well,
24:23roll over
24:25and I'll
24:27rub your
24:27shoulders.
24:27Oh,
24:28yes.
24:30The
24:31old
24:33valley
24:34and
24:35begins
24:36to
24:37devastate
24:40night.
24:40Not
24:40tonight.
24:41I'm
24:41tired.
24:42I
24:46think I
24:46might
24:46open a
24:47bottle of
24:47the
24:4793
24:48Eau
24:48Briand
24:48tomorrow.
24:50Question
24:50is,
24:51which
24:51white?
24:52You're
24:52hogging
24:53the
24:53duvet.
24:54What's
24:55on the
24:55menu?
24:56What?
24:57Tomorrow
24:57night.
24:58You don't
24:59honestly want
24:59to talk
24:59about food
25:00now,
25:00do you?
25:01I was
25:02wondering
25:02about a
25:02nice
25:03crisp
25:03muscadale
25:04to kick
25:04things off.
25:05Don't
25:05you ever
25:06stop.
25:07Or a
25:07puifume.
25:09Smoke
25:10salmon
25:12tureen.
25:14In
25:14that case
25:15of
25:15Vouvray,
25:16I've got
25:17just the
25:17job.
25:18We'll
25:18kick off
25:18with a
25:19rather
25:19jolly
25:19Blanquette
25:20de
25:20Limoire
25:20just to
25:20set the
25:21mood.
25:22And
25:23when we
25:23hit our
25:23stride,
25:24I might
25:24wheel out
25:24that
25:2491
25:25Margot.
25:27Toby
25:27looks like
25:28a
25:28Margot
25:28man to
25:29me.
25:29Toby
25:29looks
25:30like
25:30he'll
25:30drink
25:30anything
25:30you
25:30put
25:31in
25:31front
25:31of
25:31him.
25:32That's
25:32a
25:32bit
25:32unfair.
25:33And
25:33a
25:33bottle
25:33of
25:33ties
25:34I
25:34should
25:34do
25:34for
25:34dodo.
25:35That
25:36is
25:36unfair.
25:37It's
25:37all done
25:37with
25:37makeup,
25:38you
25:38know.
25:39What is?
25:40You're
25:41serious,
25:41aren't
25:42you?
25:43Unless
25:43we
25:43go for
25:43an
25:44Alsace.
25:45I've
25:45got a
25:46lovely
25:46Gewürztraminer
25:47Schlesinger
25:47even
25:48via
25:48Wien.
25:50Most
25:51women
25:51would
25:51be
25:51relieved
25:52that
25:52their
25:52husbands
25:53didn't
25:53ogle
25:53younger
25:54women,
25:54but
25:54because
25:55I
25:55know
25:55that
25:55if
25:55I
25:56put
25:56a
25:56crop
25:56top
25:57on
25:57a
25:57spring
25:57a
25:57spaniel
25:58you'd
25:58stand
25:58there
25:58with
25:59your
25:59tongue
25:59hanging
25:59now,
26:00I
26:00find
26:00it
26:00quite
26:00disturbing.
26:02Yes,
26:03that should
26:03do
26:03the
26:03trick.
26:04Good
26:04night,
26:05Freddie.
26:08What are
26:09you doing?
26:10Come on,
26:11old
26:11girl.
26:12Freddie,
26:12what are
26:13you...
26:13Come on,
26:14Molly.
26:15You know
26:15you're
26:15supposed to
26:15stay on
26:16my side.
26:17Right.
26:18That's
26:19it.
26:19I've
26:19had
26:20him.
26:20What's
26:21up,
26:21Steve?
26:21I'm
26:21fed up
26:22playing
26:22gooseberry
26:23between
26:23you
26:23and
26:23that
26:24bloody
26:24dog.
26:25To
26:25be
26:29a
26:30pilgrim.
26:31Sorry?
26:33Your
26:33husband
26:33was
26:33singing.
26:34Oh,
26:34it was
26:35a
26:35particular
26:35favourite.
26:37A
26:37low-key
26:38hymn,
26:38usually
26:38presage
26:39foreplay,
26:39then we
26:39built
26:40something
26:40more
26:40stirring,
26:41like
26:41onward
26:42Christian
26:42soldiers
26:42for
26:43the...
26:43Yes,
26:43I've
26:43got the
26:44idea.
26:45Let's
26:45get back
26:46to the
26:46events
26:46of the
26:47weekend.
26:48I
26:49hadn't
26:49drunk
26:49as much
26:50as
26:50Toby,
26:50so I
26:51was awake
26:51quite early
26:52on Saturday
26:52morning.
26:53Wow!
26:57Oh,
26:57God,
26:58my head.
26:59Oh,
26:59dear,
26:59hungover,
27:00are we?
27:01Well,
27:01I think
27:02I'm hung
27:02under.
27:03Come and
27:03have a
27:04look at
27:04this view.
27:06I can't
27:06move my
27:06arms.
27:08I can't
27:08move,
27:08there's
27:09no
27:09feeling
27:09in them,
27:09they're
27:10like
27:10lumps
27:10of
27:10meat.
27:11Oh,
27:11my
27:11God,
27:11I'm
27:11paralysed.
27:12You've
27:12been
27:12lying on
27:13them.
27:13Here,
27:13let
27:14me
27:14help.
27:15Ouch,
27:16stop it,
27:16enough,
27:17enough,
27:17that's
27:17enough.
27:19I
27:20thought I'd
27:20had a
27:21stroke.
27:21Not
27:21even a
27:22light caress.
27:23Ah,
27:24that was
27:25horrible.
27:26I thought
27:26Sophie had
27:27poisoned me
27:28with a
27:28cocky
27:28Saint-Jacques.
27:30It might
27:30have
27:30something to
27:31do with
27:31the
27:31European
27:31wine
27:32lake
27:32you
27:32drank.
27:33Oh,
27:33thanks
27:33for
27:33reminding
27:34me.
27:34Oh,
27:34God,
27:35my
27:35head.
27:36Come
27:36and
27:36have
27:36a
27:36look
27:36at
27:37this.
27:37That
27:38would
27:38entail
27:38opening
27:38my
27:39eyes,
27:39yes?
27:40It's
27:40traditional
27:40when
27:40looking
27:41at
27:41things.
27:41Then
27:41you'll
27:42have
27:42to
27:42describe
27:42whatever
27:43it
27:43is
27:43you
27:43want
27:44me
27:44to
27:44see.
27:45The
27:45garden
27:45we
27:45saw
27:45we
27:46drove
27:46up
27:46in
27:46the
27:46dark
27:46last
27:47night.
27:47I
27:47said
27:47it
27:47looked
27:47big
27:48but
27:48I
27:48was
27:48wrong.
27:48It's
27:49absolutely
27:49enormous.
27:51That
27:51bit we
27:51saw
27:52was
27:52just
27:52like
27:52a
27:53terrace.
27:54These
27:55people
27:55have
27:55got
27:55grounds.
27:56They
27:56own
27:56land.
27:57Did
27:57the
27:58king
27:58of
27:58the
27:58pain
27:59goblins
27:59come
27:59in
27:59here
28:00last
28:00night
28:00with
28:00his
28:00band
28:01of
28:01merry
28:01nausea
28:02pixies?
28:03It's
28:03your own
28:03throat.
28:04I
28:04feel
28:04like
28:04someone's
28:05pounded
28:05every
28:05muscle
28:15thing
28:15in
28:15moderation.
28:16Yes
28:16I
28:16know
28:16don't
28:17nag
28:17Gemma.
28:18It's
28:18your
28:18life.
28:19I
28:19want
28:19to
28:19feel
28:19like
28:20I'm
28:20living
28:20it
28:20not
28:21tiptoeing
28:21through
28:22the
28:22valley
28:22of
28:22death.
28:23I
28:23need
28:24drugs
28:24and
28:24I
28:24need
28:25them
28:25now.
28:25Give
28:26me
28:26the
28:26painkillers.
28:28These
28:28people are
28:28seriously
28:29rich.
28:29Imagine
28:29what it
28:30costs
28:30a lot of
28:30place
28:31like
28:31this.
28:33Have
28:33you
28:33got any
28:34paracetamol?
28:35Yes
28:35they might
28:35actually
28:36I'll
28:37find them.
28:37It's
28:37all right
28:38I've
28:38found
28:38your
28:38sponge
28:39cracker.
28:39Give it
28:39here
28:39you'll
28:39never
28:39find
28:40what
28:40you
28:40What
28:43are
28:43these
28:43doing
28:44in
28:44here?
28:44What?
28:45Your
28:45pills.
28:46What
28:46pills?
28:47These
28:48pills.
28:50They
28:50must
28:50have
28:50been
28:50there
28:50ages
28:51probably
28:51way
28:51past
28:52the
28:52expiry
28:52date.
28:53Give
28:53them
28:53here
28:53I'll
28:53chuck
28:53them.
28:55Date
28:56still
28:56good.
28:57Is
28:57it?
28:58I'm
28:59surprised.
29:00There
29:00should
29:00be
29:00some
29:01ibuprofen
29:01in
29:01there
29:01somewhere.
29:03Wednesday
29:04Thursday
29:05Friday
29:06That's
29:07funny
29:07today is
29:08Saturday
29:08and the
29:08next
29:09pill in
29:09the
29:09packet
29:09is
29:09Saturday
29:10That's
29:10a
29:11coincidence.
29:11It's
29:11not
29:12much
29:12of
29:12a
29:12coincidence
29:13That's
29:15all
29:15it
29:15is.
29:17It
29:18is
29:18Toby.
29:18Really?
29:19Yes
29:20really.
29:21You
29:21must
29:21take
29:21me
29:22for
29:22a
29:22complete
29:22and
29:23utter
29:23idiot.
29:24No.
29:24Please
29:25save
29:25your
29:25breath
29:26I'm
29:27really
29:28not
29:28in
29:28the
29:28mood.
29:29Morning.
29:30Thanks.
29:33I'll
29:34be
29:34straight
29:34down.
29:35Toby.
29:36Just
29:36stay
29:38out of
29:38my way
29:39with you
29:40Gemma.
29:43And don't
29:44forget to
29:44take your
29:45pill.
29:48There are
29:49an awful lot
29:49of pills
29:50knocking
29:50around.
29:51Like I
29:52said
29:52Toby was
29:52on
29:52medication.
29:54And weren't
29:54you at all
29:55concerned about
29:55the amount
29:56he was
29:56drinking?
29:56Well yes.
29:57I said
29:58I tried to
29:58You didn't
29:59try and
29:59stop it.
30:00I suggested
30:00he ease
30:01up.
30:02But what
30:02else could
30:03I do?
30:04He was a
30:04grown man.
30:05I could
30:05hardly
30:05snatch
30:05a drink
30:06out of
30:06his
30:06hand
30:06and
30:06send
30:07him
30:07up
30:07to
30:07his
30:07room.
30:08No?
30:12I know
30:13this is
30:13a rather
30:14sensitive
30:15question.
30:17You're
30:17wondering
30:18why I
30:18was still
30:18on the
30:19pill
30:19when we
30:19were
30:19supposed
30:19to be
30:19trying
30:20for
30:20a
30:20baby?
30:20Yes.
30:23You have
30:23to understand
30:23my husband
30:24was a
30:25complicated
30:26man.
30:27Yes,
30:27and that's
30:27something
30:28that's
30:28been
30:28intriguing
30:29me.
30:29Why
30:30did he
30:30become
30:30a
30:31potter?
30:32I mean
30:32presumably
30:33he had
30:33some talent.
30:34Oh no,
30:34none
30:35whatsoever.
30:35But that
30:36was Toby.
30:37Once he'd
30:37left the
30:38city boy
30:38life behind
30:39he thought
30:39he could
30:39just start
30:40again from
30:40scratch.
30:41Financial
30:41high flyer
30:42to artist
30:42craftsman
30:43in one
30:43easy step.
30:44But business
30:45wasn't going
30:45too well.
30:46It was a
30:46disaster.
30:48Which is
30:48why I
30:48couldn't help
30:48wondering about
30:49the money
30:49for new
30:50cars and
30:50assistance.
30:51But he
30:51had his
30:52windfall
30:53to tide
30:53him over.
30:54Which
30:54oddly enough
30:55arrived just
30:56after the story
30:56about me
30:57in the
30:57tabloids.
30:58Party in the
30:58ping pong
30:58balls.
30:59Yes,
30:59well.
31:01Anyway,
31:02I lay awake
31:04night after
31:05night trying
31:05to think
31:06of all my
31:07lovely dear
31:07generous
31:08showbiz
31:09friends who
31:10would have a
31:10motive to
31:11call the press
31:11and set me
31:12up.
31:13Think like
31:14Mags, I
31:15thought.
31:16What would
31:16she do?
31:18She'd eliminate
31:18the suspects.
31:20So I whittled it
31:20down to one
31:21person,
31:22Toby.
31:22I'm sure
31:24that's what
31:25Mags would
31:25do,
31:26Mrs Ford,
31:26but in the
31:26real police
31:27force we
31:28need something
31:28called
31:29evidence.
31:30Of course,
31:31Inspector.
31:32It's very
31:32easy to find
31:33yourself barking
31:34up the wrong
31:34tree.
31:36Can we get
31:37back to the
31:37weekend?
31:37The weekend,
31:38yes,
31:39right.
31:41Toby went
31:42down to
31:42breakfast and
31:44I went
31:44outside for
31:45some air.
31:51Morning!
31:52Listen to
31:53that sweet
31:54as a nut.
31:55I prefer
31:55birdsong.
31:57Each to
31:57their own.
31:58Surprised to
31:59see you up
31:59this early?
32:00Why?
32:01Actress.
32:02Out of bed
32:02before lunchtime.
32:03Do you know
32:04any actresses,
32:04Ivor?
32:05I know what
32:05you arty types
32:06are like.
32:07Most days I'm
32:07up at five and
32:08on set an hour
32:09later.
32:10What time do
32:10you get to
32:11work?
32:11I'm a 24-7,
32:1252,
32:13365 man.
32:15All I need
32:16is a mobile and
32:16a laptop to keep
32:17my world turning.
32:18A world without
32:19face-to-face human
32:20contact.
32:21People come and
32:22people go.
32:22But business
32:23goes on forever.
32:24Trouble with
32:25people is somewhere
32:26along the line
32:26they always let
32:27you down.
32:27What a grim
32:28vision.
32:29Well I thought
32:29you'd have
32:30learned that
32:30lesson by now.
32:31I don't know
32:31what you mean.
32:32Mind you.
32:33I suppose in
32:34your line any
32:34publicity is good
32:35publicity.
32:36I've got a
32:37mate in PR if
32:38you get into
32:38trouble again.
32:40Go down the
32:41village for a
32:41paper.
32:42You coming?
32:42No thanks.
32:44Your loss?
32:45Maybe a game of
32:46ping pong later
32:47then.
32:47Bastard.
32:55There.
32:56How does it
32:56feel to have
32:57your guts
32:57torn out,
32:58eh?
33:01Hello.
33:03Oh gosh,
33:04you made me
33:04jump.
33:05Sorry, I was
33:06just wondering
33:06if you'd seen
33:07Toby anywhere.
33:07Oh my God,
33:09what are you
33:10doing?
33:10You'd better
33:11look away if
33:11you're squeamish.
33:12What is it?
33:13Oh life,
33:14men,
33:14marriage.
33:15No, I meant
33:15that, that,
33:16thing.
33:17No, a pheasant.
33:19I'm getting it.
33:20You want to go?
33:20No, no, no
33:21thanks.
33:22It helps if you
33:23imagine it's
33:23someone you loathe.
33:24Would you
33:25rather be alone?
33:26Oh, you mean
33:26divorced.
33:27Oh, funny you
33:28should ask.
33:28I meant alone
33:29in the kitchen.
33:30Oh, no.
33:32It's nice to have
33:32someone to listen.
33:33That's what friends
33:34are for.
33:36We were friends
33:37weren't we,
33:38Gemma?
33:38We're your
33:39friends.
33:41We still are.
33:43Oh, all those
33:43plays we were
33:44in together at
33:45school, all that
33:46fun, dreams and
33:49aspirations.
33:51Oh, happy days.
33:53And then it all
33:53goes sour.
33:55Does it?
33:56Has it?
33:56I envy you.
33:58Talented.
33:59Married to a
34:00man who adores
34:01you.
34:01Freddie loves
34:02you?
34:02Oh, Freddie.
34:04Oh, Freddie's
34:06only in love
34:06with that damn
34:07dog.
34:08Oh, and his
34:08wine.
34:09Pour me another
34:10glass, will you?
34:10And have one
34:11yourself.
34:12I'll wait till
34:12the taste of
34:13toothpaste has
34:13faded.
34:14Can you imagine
34:15what it's like
34:17being the
34:18invisible woman?
34:19Is that how
34:19you feel?
34:20I didn't seven
34:21years ago.
34:22Then I discovered
34:22Freddie had a
34:23terminal disease.
34:24Oh, no.
34:26Terminal laziness.
34:28His bone bloody
34:28idle.
34:29Not like you and
34:30me.
34:31He's never had to
34:31work for anything.
34:32He inherited this
34:33house and before
34:34he met me, he
34:35got by on charm
34:36and bank loans.
34:38You've got to
34:38admit, he is
34:39charming.
34:39Oh, yes.
34:41But, John, we're
34:42still after a
34:42while.
34:43Freddie's just an
34:44overgrown school
34:45boy.
34:46William Brown,
34:4740 years old.
34:48He is what
34:48happens when
34:49Jennings' balls
34:50drop.
34:51Shut up,
34:52Molly.
34:54Are you sure
34:54you won't have
34:55a drink?
34:55I think maybe.
34:56I will.
34:59After we got
34:59married, I realised
35:00how dire the
35:01situation was.
35:03The house was
35:03falling down.
35:04The interest on
35:04his debts was
35:05way in excess of
35:06anything he could
35:07ever afford to
35:08pay off.
35:09But as long as
35:09the wine cellar's
35:10well-stalked and
35:11his tailor accepts
35:12credit, Freddie's
35:13happy.
35:13But he works now.
35:16I mean, you're in
35:16partnership.
35:18Partnership?
35:19Oh, that's good.
35:21Oh, I was the
35:22partner.
35:24He's the one with
35:24the killer instinct
35:25and the taste for
35:26blood.
35:27Oh, Freddie's just
35:28a smile, a haircut
35:30and a good suit.
35:32He wines and
35:33dines clients and
35:33treats them to the
35:34old-world charm.
35:36You'd be surprised
35:36how many people are
35:37still impressed by
35:38all that public
35:39school crap.
35:40Oh, no, I was
35:41the one with the
35:42mouse.
35:43A swine, of course,
35:44but streetwise and
35:47savvy.
35:49Ugh.
35:49I've always had
35:50lousy taste in men,
35:51so I suppose it's
35:52no surprise I ended
35:53up married to an
35:53indolent charmer and
35:55screwing a bastard.
35:57And now he's
35:57turned up with that
35:58bumless bimbo so he
36:00can trap me with
36:01maximum humiliation.
36:03You don't mean...
36:04Oh, don't tell me
36:05you hadn't guessed.
36:08So, when you're
36:08tearing the guts out
36:09of the pheasant,
36:10who are you thinking
36:10about, Freddie or
36:11Ivor?
36:13Mind your step
36:14when you get to the
36:14bottom.
36:15Oh, watch out for the...
36:16Oh!
36:17Bean, you okay?
36:19Oh, just another
36:20ache to add to the
36:21collection.
36:22And hasn't Freddie's
36:23patent hangover
36:23cure kicked in yet?
36:24Oh, I think I'm
36:25hungover from the
36:26hangover cure.
36:27Stone me.
36:28How much wine have
36:29you got down here?
36:31Including some very
36:31special stuff my old
36:32man put away.
36:33We ought to be
36:34all right for the
36:34next 20 or 30 years.
36:35Hello?
36:37Anybody down there?
36:38Oh, watch your
36:39step.
36:40Oh, and mind your
36:40head when you...
36:41You all right?
36:43Fine.
36:44Oh, Lord, you're not
36:45going to sue, are you?
36:46I've heard all about
36:46you supermodels.
36:47I'm not a supermodel.
36:49Where's Ivor?
36:50Oh, he said he's
36:50going to put the car
36:51for his paces if
36:52anyone's interested.
36:53Oh, rather.
36:54Coming?
36:54No.
36:59Well...
36:59Well...
37:00How's your head?
37:03It's a bit...
37:04Let's have a look.
37:06Oh, you're going to
37:07have a very picturesque
37:09little bruise.
37:11You know what you
37:11need?
37:12What?
37:13A glass of wine.
37:14I wonder if Freddie's
37:16got any.
37:17Well, well, look here.
37:19Look, we can't.
37:20Oh, he won't miss
37:21one bottle.
37:22Well, this, for instance.
37:24I mean, this doesn't
37:25look particularly special.
37:27Do you know about
37:28wine?
37:28Well, only the golden
37:30rule.
37:30The plainer the label,
37:32the better the content.
37:33Well, this fancy crest
37:35tells me it's got to be
37:36plonk.
37:37What do you think?
37:38Put the theory to the
37:40test?
37:42This one's dead.
37:43Time for red?
37:44Oh, should we?
37:46Why not?
37:47It's the one thing
37:48he's good for, Freddie
37:49wine, I'll give him
37:50that.
37:50When it comes to
37:51grapes, he knows his
37:53onions.
37:58Does he know about
37:59you and Ivor?
38:01Probably not.
38:02But then half the time
38:03he's away with the
38:04fairies, and let's
38:05face it, Freddie's not
38:06the sharpest knife in
38:07the block.
38:08If he disrespects
38:09anything, he's too
38:10much of a gent to
38:10make a scene.
38:11Bad form.
38:13Anyway, he's too
38:14bone-bloody-eyed.
38:15Oh, Toby would go
38:16through the roof if
38:17he thought I was
38:18having an affair.
38:19But you're not?
38:22No.
38:23You don't sound too
38:24sure.
38:26I'm not having an
38:27affair, but I have
38:28been deceiving him
38:29and he's just
38:30found out.
38:31Deceiving him
38:31how?
38:33I was supposed to
38:34be trying for a
38:35baby, and I'm still
38:36on the pill, and
38:37Toby found them in
38:38my sponge bag.
38:40But, you know,
38:41if you're supposed
38:43to be trying for a
38:44baby, why it
38:46because a marriage
38:48should be based on
38:49trust.
38:50And if I can't
38:50trust a man with
38:51my private life, I'm
38:52sure as they're not
38:53going to trust him as
38:54a father.
38:55What do you mean?
38:56And that's when I
38:57told her about Toby
38:58shopping me to the
38:59press.
38:59I'm still a bit
39:00confused.
39:01If you were so
39:02convinced that your
39:02husband had sold your
39:03story...
39:04Made up a story.
39:05All right.
39:06Let's say he
39:06concocted this whole
39:07ping-pong thing about
39:08you and fed it to the
39:09tabloids, then why
39:10were you still with
39:11him?
39:12Why didn't you just
39:13leave him?
39:14I wasn't going to
39:14let him off the hook
39:15that easily.
39:16So what, you wanted
39:17revenge?
39:17No.
39:19Maybe.
39:20I don't know what I
39:21wanted.
39:21All I knew was he'd
39:22betrayed my trust.
39:24Yes.
39:25With all due respect,
39:26Mrs. Ford, I know you
39:27play a policewoman and
39:28you sound utterly
39:29convinced about your
39:30husband's guilt, but
39:31you've jumped to a
39:32conclusion on very
39:33slender evidence.
39:35But I set a trap.
39:37What do you mean a
39:38trap?
39:39That's what I was
39:39about to tell Sophie.
39:41What sort of a trap?
39:43Do you remember
39:43Toby said he'd had a
39:44windfall?
39:45Well, I phoned around
39:47a few of his old
39:48city friends.
39:50And I've been called
39:50up at work by an
39:51actress off the
39:52telly, livened up
39:52their sweaty little
39:53days.
39:54Oh, shut up.
39:56Sorry?
39:56No, I meant the
39:57dog.
39:58Carry on.
39:59Well, it was a
40:01load of old hooey,
40:02him having a windfall
40:03from the investment.
40:04But I wanted to give
40:05Toby the benefit of
40:06the doubt, so I fed
40:08him a fictitious story
40:09about Jason McGuinness
40:10and a lap dancer.
40:12Who's Jason McGuinness?
40:14He plays chief
40:14superintendent Jack
40:15Scanlon, my boss in
40:17the show.
40:18Anyway, guess what
40:19appeared in print two
40:20days later?
40:21No.
40:22Yes.
40:23My God, Gemma,
40:25didn't your colleague
40:26mind?
40:27Jason?
40:28No.
40:29In real life,
40:30roughed up Jack
40:31Scanlon's as campers
40:32a row of pink chiffon
40:33tents, but he's
40:33firmly in the closet
40:34and wants to stay
40:35locked in.
40:36He was quite glad
40:36of the publicity as it
40:37happened.
40:38Bastard.
40:39Jason?
40:40Toby.
40:41Oh, Toby, yes.
40:43Toby's a bastard.
40:44Oh, what went wrong
40:45with us, Gem?
40:46I blamed Sister Mark
40:49Antony.
40:49Sister Mark Antony?
40:51I haven't thought
40:51about her in years.
40:53I've thought about her
40:53a lot recently.
40:55I blame her for my
40:55low self-esteem, my
40:57self-loathing, my
40:58emotional naivety.
41:00Guilt.
41:00Guilt.
41:02Do you remember the
41:02way she tried to force
41:03a wedge between us?
41:04And why?
41:05Because we were
41:06friends.
41:06Because we shared the
41:08same interests and the
41:09same sense of humour,
41:10because we cared and
41:11looked out for each
41:12other.
41:12And she, oh, the
41:14repressed, uptight,
41:15dried-up old cow, she
41:16thought that a close
41:17friendship between two
41:18girls could only mean
41:19one thing.
41:21Unnatural practices.
41:25I didn't even know
41:26what she meant, did
41:27you?
41:29I mean, can you
41:30imagine?
41:31Us.
41:32We were more
41:32interested in putting
41:33on shows than sex.
41:35Can you imagine?
41:36Two less likely
41:37lesbians.
41:38Then again, maybe we
41:45should have given it
41:45a go.
41:46At least we wouldn't
41:47have ended up making
41:48the disastrous decisions
41:50we did.
41:51Let's have another
41:52drink.
41:53So there you have it.
41:54I set a trap and Toby
41:55walked right into it.
41:57I'm sorry, Mrs. Ford,
41:57but it still doesn't
41:58answer to why a man
41:59who loved his wife,
42:01who wanted to start
42:01a family with her,
42:02why drag her name
42:04for the gutter press?
42:05Money, Inspector.
42:06Yes, but for what?
42:07You think he'd
42:09betray you for a new
42:09car?
42:10I don't want to
42:11believe that either,
42:12particularly now,
42:13but what other
42:13explanation is there?
42:17Now, your husband's
42:19illness, the reason
42:20he left the city,
42:21when was that before
42:22or after he knew
42:23you?
42:24A couple of years
42:25before.
42:25Why?
42:26So he was fully
42:26recovered by the
42:27time you met him?
42:28Well, he'd been
42:29given the all-clear
42:29providing he took
42:30the medication
42:31and looked after
42:31himself.
42:32I don't see where
42:32this is leading.
42:33I'm sorry, but I
42:35have to ask you
42:36this.
42:36Did you ever
42:37suspect your husband
42:38of being a
42:40recreational drug
42:41user?
42:43No.
42:44No, but the
42:44doctor who treated
42:44him was based at
42:46the Mount View
42:46Clinic.
42:47Mount View?
42:48Yes, it's a
42:48private clinic
42:49specialising in
42:50alcohol and drug
42:51addiction.
42:52I know what they
42:53specialise in.
42:53My producer was in
42:54there for a while,
42:55but not Toby.
42:55No, it's in his
42:56medical records.
42:58Unfortunately, the
43:00treatment doesn't
43:00seem to have
43:01worked.
43:02What do you
43:02mean?
43:04His bloodstream
43:05contained not
43:06only alcohol, but
43:08a high percentage
43:08of cocaine.
43:09I don't believe
43:10it.
43:10An assortment of
43:11painkillers and
43:12traces of, I've
43:13got the list here,
43:16diazepam,
43:17phenylzine,
43:17diamorphine,
43:18some amphetamine,
43:19and a gigantic
43:20dose of vitamin
43:20C, but I suspect
43:21that was to ward off
43:22a cold.
43:23At the time of
43:24his death, your
43:25husband was a
43:27walking pharmacy.
43:28I'm speechless.
43:32I don't know
43:33what to say.
43:34You had no idea
43:35he was taking all
43:35this stuff?
43:36None whatsoever.
43:40Where was he
43:41while you were
43:42drinking with
43:42Mrs. Gower-Gore?
43:44I didn't even
43:44know my husband
43:45was a drug addict.
43:46How should I
43:47know where he
43:47was?
43:51It must be
43:53quite a burden
43:54being so
43:56beautiful.
43:57I don't
43:58wake up each
43:59morning and
43:59think, hey,
44:00I'm like so
44:01beautiful.
44:01I would.
44:03I'd never get
44:03any work done.
44:04I'd just spend
44:05all day staring
44:06in the mirror.
44:07Like I've
44:07ever...
44:08Sorry, I'm a
44:10bit drunk.
44:11Forget I said
44:11that.
44:11Well, you
44:12can't say
44:12forget that.
44:14Anyway, I
44:14don't really
44:15know what
44:15that is, so
44:16how can I
44:16forget it?
44:17I'm only
44:17firm now.
44:18Go on.
44:19You can
44:20trust me.
44:22This is
44:23like just
44:25between us,
44:26yeah?
44:26You, me
44:27and a
44:2830-year
44:29supply of
44:29wine.
44:31Well, like
44:32that I
44:33put
44:33is
44:33Ivor's
44:35like a
44:36looker,
44:37not a
44:38doer.
44:39A
44:39voyeur?
44:41So big
44:42talk Ivor is
44:43all mouth and
44:44nothing in the
44:45trouser department?
44:46Oh, no, you
44:46promised.
44:48Look, let's
44:50just say he's
44:51got issues,
44:52yeah?
44:52Like, he's
44:54standing on the
44:54edge, but he's
44:55not ready to
44:56dive in.
44:58Like, you've
44:58got to understand,
44:59I'm a bit of a
45:00change for him
45:00after Sophie.
45:02Oh, no, I've
45:03done it again.
45:04What, Jimmy?
45:05Jimmy?
45:05No.
45:06You're not
45:07going to tell me
45:08either and
45:09something.
45:09I thought
45:10you and
45:10Jimmy were
45:10friends.
45:10Oh, you
45:12didn't know,
45:13did you?
45:14Please don't
45:15say anything.
45:15No, no,
45:16heaven forbid.
45:19No, I mean,
45:20tell me to
45:21mind my own
45:21business, if
45:22you like, but
45:23what do you
45:24see in him?
45:25Well, like I
45:26said, he's
45:27going through a
45:27difficult patch.
45:29Look, he's
45:29my help.
45:30I know he
45:31presents that
45:32bluff-aggressive
45:32exterior, but...
45:33Don't tell me
45:34what, scratch
45:34the surface and
45:35you'll find a
45:36sensitive man and
45:37you're helping
45:38his feminine
45:39side to come
45:40out.
45:40You think
45:40I'm being
45:40taken advantage
45:41of by an
45:42older man, but
45:42I've been
45:43through the
45:43same stuff
45:44that Ivor's
45:44going through.
45:45I understand.
45:47And part of
45:48what he's got
45:48to do is split
45:49up with Sophie.
45:50So Ivor is
45:51introducing his
45:5238-year-old lover
45:54to a 19-year-old
45:55model.
45:56Yes, I can see
45:57he's letting
45:57Sophie down
45:58gently.
45:59A relationship
45:59can't survive
46:00on lies.
46:02Ah, the
46:02innocence of
46:03youth.
46:03But Ivor's
46:04been lying to
46:05himself.
46:06It's a
46:06farce.
46:07Well, if you
46:07ask me, this
46:08whole weekend
46:09is a farce.
46:11So when did
46:12you all actually
46:13meet up again?
46:14At dinner.
46:16Up till then,
46:16everyone had
46:17been like little
46:17satellites circulating
46:18in their own
46:19orbits.
46:20Now they finally
46:21came together for
46:22their big bang.
46:23Who wants a sticky
46:26with their pud?
46:27Yes.
46:28Good man.
46:28I've had enough.
46:30Watch out.
46:31Detective Mags
46:32will arrest you.
46:33Detective
46:33Inspector Mags?
46:34Excuse me.
46:36Anyway, I thought
46:37you didn't watch
46:37television.
46:38I said I don't
46:38watch much.
46:40I've seen your
46:40show from time
46:41to time.
46:42We used to act
46:43together, didn't we,
46:44Gemma?
46:44That's right.
46:45That show?
46:46At school.
46:47Saw one a couple
46:48of weeks ago.
46:48You were getting a bit
46:49hot with one of your
46:50colleagues.
46:51Hot?
46:52In the sack.
46:54Blackfella.
46:54Chief Superintendent
46:55Scanlon.
46:56Yeah, that's him.
46:57Big bloke.
46:59Well built.
47:00Muscular.
47:01What do you reckon
47:02to this Sauternes
47:03then, Timmy?
47:04Sublime.
47:05I don't know about
47:05the other men
47:06round the table,
47:07but I reckon a scene
47:09like that must be
47:10pretty difficult for a
47:11bloke.
47:11Better than sublime.
47:13I mean, I can't
47:13believe he didn't,
47:14you know...
47:15Lime.
47:16This one's better
47:17than sublime.
47:18It's lime.
47:18Right, granted,
47:19he's an actor,
47:20but he's also a man.
47:22Quite a man,
47:23as it happens.
47:23A real man's man.
47:25So when you do
47:26a scene like that...
47:28Arms and the man...
47:28Must be difficult
47:30for a man not to...
47:31What are you talking
47:32about?
47:32No idea.
47:33We were stage
47:34struck me in jail.
47:34Put it this way.
47:35If I was an actor...
47:37Which you're not.
47:38Which I'm not.
47:39I nearly was.
47:40There you are.
47:41But if I was,
47:42hypothetically speaking,
47:44I'd still be a man.
47:45A hypothetical man?
47:47Actor.
47:48A hypothetical actor.
47:49No, you've lost me.
47:50I'd be a man.
47:52That's what I'm trying
47:53to say.
47:53If I was an actor,
47:54I'd still be a man.
47:56Right.
47:56A red-blooded man.
47:58Oh, the Wizard of Oz.
47:59I love the Wizard of Oz.
48:00Flesh and blood.
48:02Yes.
48:02And no man,
48:03whatever he may say,
48:05can be in a situation
48:06like that without getting...
48:08I was going to be
48:09a munchkin.
48:09Without finding himself...
48:11To that bearded bitch
48:12stop me.
48:13Without feeling...
48:14Bearded bitch.
48:15Sister Mark Antony.
48:16If I put myself
48:17in your shoes,
48:19if I try and imagine
48:19myself in your position...
48:21Naked in bed
48:22with the gorgeous
48:22Jack Scanlon.
48:23Yes.
48:25No, no.
48:27I don't want to find
48:28myself in bed
48:28with a big muscular
48:29black bloke.
48:30Not at all.
48:32No, thank you.
48:33No, thank you very much.
48:36What have you got
48:37against black blokes?
48:39Nothing.
48:40I like them.
48:41I like white blokes too.
48:43What's he saying?
48:45Something about liking
48:46black and white blokes.
48:48As blokes.
48:49That's all.
48:50Strictly.
48:52You're getting me confused.
48:54We're all confused.
48:55He's gay.
48:56I am not.
48:57Arthur.
48:58Jack Scanlon.
48:59What?
49:00The actor who plays
49:01Jack Scanlon.
49:02He's gay.
49:03Just say it, Arthur.
49:04Leave it.
49:05What's this?
49:05Not a clue.
49:06Do you mind if I have
49:07another drop?
49:08Say it.
49:09Bit of cheese go treat
49:10with this, eh, Toby?
49:11Sister Mark Antony
49:12was built like a man.
49:14Tenor.
49:14Drop it, Dodo.
49:15Great big beefy forearms.
49:17You can say it.
49:18Legs like tree trunks.
49:20Say it, Arthur.
49:21We represent
49:22the Lollipop Guild,
49:24the Lollipop Guild,
49:25the Lollipop Guild,
49:27and in the name
49:28of the Lollipop Guild,
49:30we wish to welcome you
49:33to Munchkin Land.
49:35Stop it, Ivor.
49:42Stop it!
49:43OK, the joke's over.
49:44Please stop it!
49:46Shut up!
49:47Ivor!
49:47Just shut up!
49:49I don't think you should
49:50speak to Dodo like that.
49:51You don't think?
49:52Come on, old chap,
49:53we're all having a nice time.
49:54Let's not spoil it.
49:55Yes, why don't we all
49:56have another drink?
49:57You keep out of it.
49:59Hey, there's a guest
50:00in my house.
50:01I only came in
50:02to help you.
50:03Stop whimpering
50:04like a big girl!
50:05She is a big girl!
50:07Well, I don't mean
50:08a girl, you know,
50:09but I didn't mean
50:09you were big,
50:10you were just tall.
50:11I wish I'd never
50:12come down!
50:13I told you not
50:14to speak to her like that.
50:15Do you think
50:15she's all right?
50:16I'll speak any way
50:17I damn well
50:18like Freddy,
50:19old boy.
50:21Right, that's it.
50:22Out!
50:24What?
50:24I'll go and check
50:25if Dodo's all right.
50:26Don't leave it,
50:28Freddy, he's drunk.
50:29Takes one to know one.
50:30Leave her alone,
50:31you oily little creep.
50:32Well, you keep
50:33out of it.
50:34I said out.
50:35I will not have
50:35this sort of behaviour
50:36under my roof.
50:37Did you hear that,
50:38Sophie?
50:39Shall we tell him
50:40what sort of behaviour
50:41has been going on
50:42under his roof?
50:43Oh, Gemma.
50:44I shan't tell you again.
50:46Shant?
50:47Shant?
50:48Shant?
50:49Shant?
50:50You're a throwback.
50:51Do you know that,
50:51Freddy?
50:52You're a dinosaur
50:53on the verge
50:54of extinction.
50:55Oh, Gemma,
50:56make it stop.
50:57Get out of my house.
51:00Your house?
51:01You pompous little twerp.
51:04The only reason
51:05you've hung on
51:05to this house
51:06is because I
51:07made Sophie's
51:08tuppany-hapany
51:08company a success.
51:10Oh, you hit me.
51:14You hit me.
51:15See him off, Molly.
51:17I left the law on you.
51:19Come on, girl,
51:20let's get the bugger.
51:23Look at what's been
51:25happening, Gemma.
51:26You've been having
51:27an adulterous affair
51:28with your business
51:29partner who I think
51:30has just revealed
51:30he's a homosexual.
51:32How many sins is that?
51:34I need a calculator,
51:36but we must be
51:36into double figures.
51:38Cardinal or venal?
51:39I'm a bit rusty
51:40on all that.
51:41Oh, God.
51:43Oh, now what?
51:45Help me.
51:47Help me.
51:47Somebody help me.
51:49Oh, my God.
51:57Toby.
51:57Give off me.
51:59Can you get
52:00that incontinent dog
52:01out of here?
52:02Molly, just run it out.
52:05Oh, no.
52:05This must look,
52:07but it's not what you think.
52:08Toby's got a heart condition.
52:09Sex with anyone
52:10other than his wife
52:10could prove lethal.
52:12So he's gone a nasty cunt.
52:13Please give off me.
52:14Why are you
52:15wrapped in a towel?
52:16I've upset me so much
52:18I thought I'd have
52:18an aromatherapy bath.
52:20Lavender oil
52:20is very soon
52:21on the nerves, yeah?
52:22Never mind
52:23the essential bloody oil.
52:24His lips are blue.
52:25I just got dressed
52:26when Toby came in
52:27and he just, like,
52:29leapt on me.
52:30Call an ambulance,
52:31quickly.
52:31Your mum's like,
52:32this is so not
52:33a good idea, Toby.
52:34There's been an accident.
52:35There's been a...
52:36Oh, my God,
52:38what's happened?
52:38What does it look like?
52:39He was, like,
52:40all over me.
52:41Phone for an ambulance,
52:42Sophie.
52:43No, make it two.
52:44Why two?
52:45Ivan's driven his car
52:46off the ha-ha.
52:47This is a nightmare.
52:48I mean, I'm, like,
52:49so nice, tight.
52:50You've got a backbone,
52:51you're breathing,
52:52your head's tight.
52:52He kept kissing me
52:54and singing,
52:55oh, God,
52:55I hope an age has passed.
52:57And he went, like,
52:58all written
52:59and made this horrible noise.
53:00Hello?
53:02We need an ambulance,
53:03like now.
53:04Oh, my God,
53:05I sound like her.
53:06Two ambulances.
53:07Two ambulances.
53:08Don't shout, Freddie.
53:11And a fire engine.
53:12And a fire engine, please.
53:14To the manor house.
53:16Have you got that?
53:17Two ambulances,
53:18one fire engine.
53:19It's not an Indian
53:19bloody takeaway.
53:20Wake him off me.
53:22I can't breathe.
53:23You can't breathe.
53:24Come on.
53:25One,
53:25two,
53:26three.
53:26Lift.
53:30Good Lord above.
53:32Dodo,
53:32you're a...
53:33You appear to have
53:34a penis,
53:35old girl.
53:36I've tried telling him.
53:38Ambulances.
53:39Go and let them in,
53:40Freddie.
53:40Ambulances.
53:41Right.
53:42Yes.
53:42Hang on,
53:42Toby.
53:43By the time we got
53:50out of the room,
53:51Freddie was lying
53:52at the bottom of the stairs,
53:53dead in the paws
53:53of the one he loved.
53:56He skidded on some
53:56dog poo on the landing.
53:58Molly was at the bottom
53:59and broke his fall.
54:01Unfortunately,
54:01he still broke his neck.
54:03The paramedics said
54:04Toby had suffered
54:06a massive coronary,
54:08brought on by a mixture
54:09of medication,
54:10excessive alcohol
54:11and shock
54:11rather than acute
54:13sexual arousal.
54:16Well,
54:16that must be
54:17a comfort of sorts.
54:19I suppose it's
54:20a small consolation.
54:22I'm not quite sure
54:23how Iva died,
54:24but apparently
54:24it was at the wheel.
54:26The car had been going
54:27at high speed
54:27when it hit the ditch.
54:29Ha ha.
54:30I'm sorry?
54:31It's not a ditch,
54:32it's a ha ha.
54:34Is it, though?
54:37You couldn't write it,
54:38could you?
54:38I mean,
54:39if you put it
54:39into a story,
54:40hmm?
54:41Three fatal accidents
54:43around one house
54:44on one evening,
54:45four,
54:46if you include the dog,
54:48all men,
54:49all involved in,
54:51how shall I put this,
54:53less than satisfactory
54:54emotional relationships.
54:56Ha.
54:57No one would believe it
54:58in an episode of Mags.
55:00I certainly wouldn't.
55:02It's far too convenient.
55:04For a story?
55:06For a story,
55:07of course.
55:07Maybe there's something
55:09in the old adage,
55:11truth is stranger
55:12than fiction.
55:13Maybe.
55:15Oddly,
55:15it's Dodo,
55:16I feel sorry for.
55:17She only came here,
55:19or is it he?
55:20Well,
55:20apparently he
55:21will be a she
55:22in the near future.
55:24Well,
55:24either way,
55:25he only came along
55:26to give moral support
55:26to either,
55:28but I've no idea
55:29what a manipulative person
55:30he was dealing with.
55:31Mrs. Gower-Gore
55:32seems to have taken Dodo
55:34under her wing.
55:34She always had
55:35a maternal instinct
55:36deep down.
55:37There'll have to be
55:38an inquest,
55:39but short of any
55:40sudden revelations.
55:41Revelations?
55:42Yes,
55:43you'd be amazed
55:44the things people
55:44dredge up and throw in
55:46at the last moment.
55:48I ought to warn you,
55:49there are a lot
55:50of paparazzi outside.
55:52I don't know how
55:53they knew you were here.
55:54Someone must have
55:55tipped them off.
55:57You can't trust anyone
55:58these days,
55:58can you?
55:59So I've discovered
56:00to my cost.
56:02Well,
56:03we live in
56:04amoral times.
56:08Well,
56:08I'd better brace myself
56:09to face the hordes.
56:12Next time I'm playing
56:13D.I. Mags,
56:13I'll be thinking of you.
56:14Oh,
56:15my wife will be pleased.
56:17I'm sure you'll do
56:18a much better job
56:19of being me
56:20than I do.
56:21How's that?
56:23Well,
56:23at the end of the hour,
56:25Mags
56:25always gets resolved.
56:27She never fails
56:29to solve
56:29a mystery.
56:32If only real life
56:33were like that.
56:36Goodbye,
56:37Inspector.
56:39Goodbye.
56:43Gemma,
56:44this way.
56:45Gemma!
56:46Gemma,
56:47this way.
56:47Up this way.
56:48In the long weekend,
56:53Gemma was played
56:53by Emma Fielding,
56:55Toby by Stephen Tomkinson,
56:57Sophie by Jane Slavin,
56:59Freddie by Robert Portal,
57:01Ivor by Ben Crowe,
57:02and Dodo by Claire Corbett.
57:04Inspector Fenton
57:05was played by
57:06Clive Merrison.
57:09The Long Weekend
57:10was written by
57:10Jeremy Front
57:11and directed by
57:12Sally Avons.
57:17The Long Weekend
57:27he also supported
57:28for just the
57:28The Long Weekend
57:28as we were
57:28the next
57:29in the longμnes
57:31of being
57:32unilShell
57:32who was
57:33of the
57:34Great agradeced
57:35and
57:36started
57:36after the
57:37years'
57:38frequency,
57:38illiande and
57:38was played by
57:40a
57:40last series.
57:40The
57:45is not
57:46it as
57:47entrepreneurs
57:47of being
57:48ever
57:48to
57:49inflated