Trial By Laughter By Ian Hislop & Nick Newman

Oldtuberadio

Trial by Laughter Ian Hislop and Nick Newman's comedy drama based on the real trial transcripts.  William Hone is the forgotten hero of free speech in Britain.  He was a bookseller, publisher and satirist. In 1817, he stood trial for 'impious blasphemy and seditious libel’.  His crime was to be funny. Worse than that he was funny by parodying religious texts. And worst of all, he was funny about the despotic government and the libidinous monarchy.  Hone ...... Robert Wilfort Prince Regent ...... Arthur Bostrom Cruikshank ...... Conrad Nelson Ellenborough ...... Jonathan Keeble Shepherd ...... David Benson Abbott ...... Malcolm Raeburn Lady Hertford ...... Melissa Sinden Sarah ...... Fiona Clarke Reporter ...... Graeme Hawley Clerk ...... Graeme Hawley  Original music by Conrad Nelson Director: Gary Brown  Drama First broadcast: Sat 27th Feb 2016 14:30 on BBC Radio 4 FM  Do you enjoy the variety on Oldtuberadio? Like, Share and Subscribe to be notified of our new shows #radio #crime #thriller #drama To Support this channel please visit https://www.buymeacoffee.com/oldtuberadio https://ko-fi.com/oldtuberadio98 https://www.patreon.com/oldtuberadio https://locals.com/Oldtuberadio

Transcript

00:00Trial by Laughter

00:07By Ian Hislop and Nick Newman

00:09We must see His Majesty immediately.

00:14His Highness the Prince Regent is indisposed.

00:16This is a matter of the utmost importance.

00:18I cannot disturb His Highness.

00:19Why?

00:20He is... resting.

00:22It's three o'clock in the afternoon.

00:24Are you telling me he's still in bed?

00:25Who shall I say called?

00:26Damn your impudence, you toad-eater.

00:28I am the Lord Chief Justice, and this is the Home Secretary.

00:32It is imperative that we have his signature on this warrant,

00:35so wake him up, or he will be very, very displeased indeed.

00:37I really cannot...

00:38What is this commotion?

00:41Ah, Lord Ellenborough, Lord Sidmouth.

00:44I was just busy reading some, uh, official papers.

00:48Georgie, oh dear, you've come back to bed.

00:52Lady Hartford was assisting me.

00:55Of course.

00:55We wanted you to know that at last we have him.

00:59Who?

01:00William Hone, sire.

01:01The scurrilous and traitorous publisher of filth.

01:04He's overreached himself this time.

01:05What has he done now?

01:07A most heinous and blasphemous libel.

01:09Oh, God.

01:11Has he suggested that I am fat again?

01:14Worse, sire.

01:15He has printed a parody of the Book of Common Prayer,

01:18which is a grotesque attack on yourself and your ministers and...

01:21I will not have him suggesting I am fat.

01:23In one of his publications I was likened to a whale.

01:27And indeed he called me the Prince of Whales.

01:31That's not funny, is it?

01:34Indeed not, sire.

01:35Nor clever.

01:37And that damned caricature of oneself looking like a blubbery, spouting sea monster.

01:41That was Hone's cartoonist accomplice, George Crookshank, your highness.

01:45Yes.

01:46And he turned me into a mermaid.

01:48A very fat mermaid.

01:50Good afternoon, Lady Hartford.

01:52He always draws me looking fat.

01:54I'm not fat, am I, Georgie?

01:57Of course not, my dear.

01:59You are no fatter than I.

02:01Well, it's bad enough that members of society laugh at me behind my back.

02:06But to be mocked for the entertainment of the common people is too much.

02:10I'm sure that is not the case, my dear.

02:13I'm afraid it is the case, your highness.

02:15You see them massed in Fleet Street around the print shops,

02:19guffawing and cackling at the obscene and degrading pictures in the windows.

02:23Last week officers had to disperse the mob, there were so many.

02:27A thousand, they say.

02:28Which is why it is of the utmost importance that we stamp out this insolence with the full might of the law

02:34before this country turns into France.

02:39Please refrain from using the F-word in front of Lady Hartford.

02:44I have done my best to remove the offending articles.

02:48I have spent a fortune buying a print.

02:50Which is presumably why they printed more, sire.

02:54Are you saying that I am a fool?

02:56No, no, your highness.

02:57I am not a fool.

02:59Mr. Canning told me that he was highly impressed by what he called my intellectual endowments.

03:06My friend, Mr. Canning, is a very able and wise minister.

03:11The point is, sire, that this time Hone has not only traduced your majesty's good name,

03:17not only has he besmirched the reputation of your ministers,

03:20but he has also committed an offence against Almighty God.

03:23Excellent.

03:24Or rather, how appalling.

03:26Exactly, sire.

03:28Now this gives us the perfect chance to make an example of this troublemaker,

03:31and to put out the fires of insurrection that he and his like would willingly fan into naked revolution.

03:36Surely you exaggerate, sir.

03:38I believe Mary Antoinette said much the same.

03:42Where do I sign?

03:44Here, sire.

03:45It is an ex officio information.

03:46I don't care what it is.

03:48Just shut Hone up.

03:49I will not be described as a corpulent licentious libertine.

03:54Where's my roly-poly Richard?

03:58Ah, Lady Cunningham.

03:59Good day.

03:59I had no idea you were here.

04:01Neither had I.

04:03Ah.

04:04Good day, madam.

04:11Oh, what a splendid crowd.

04:13They shall be opening the shop shortly,

04:15and there are plenty of fine prints for all to buy.

04:17And excellent pamphlets starting at a mere tuppence.

04:20Let me see.

04:21What's everyone looking at in the window?

04:23Ah, well, that is Mr Crookshank's latest etching,

04:26entitled Liberty Suspending.

04:28Where's the woman being hanged?

04:30Well, it's a joke about the suspension of habeas corpus.

04:34What's that?

04:35It is the law that allows the court to determine

04:37whether the authorities have the lawful right to detain a prisoner,

04:40a right which has recently been viciously and illegally removed.

04:43Yeah.

04:44I prefer those pictures of Mr Rowlandson.

04:47The rude ones are the ladies with the big dust.

04:49Oh, yes, yes.

04:51Rowlandson's work is a touch too graphic, for my taste,

04:54but we have plenty of other amusing prints,

04:56many of them of the amusing prints.

04:58Good one.

05:00Ah, simple pun for which I beg indulgence.

05:03My way, come on, my way.

05:04Out of the way, you lot.

05:06William Hone.

05:07Yes?

05:08Bookseller at 55 Fleet Street.

05:10The same.

05:10We're officers of the court and you are a prisoner.

05:13Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

05:14Please, please, unpen.

05:15Leave me.

05:16Oh, what's going on?

05:18Come on, say your hands up.

05:20We have a warrant from Lord Edinburgh against you, Mr Hone.

05:23On what charge?

05:24You'll find out in Duke Law.

05:25This is unlawful.

05:26It is an outrage.

05:27I insist to accompany us, sir,

05:29or I shall be forced to place you in grappling irons.

05:38The case of the King against William Hone,

05:42bookseller and publisher,

05:44commencing this day, the 17th of December,

05:46in the year of our Lord, 1817.

05:49Mr Hone is charged with publishing an impious, blasphemous and profane libel with intent to excite impiety and irreligion in the minds of his majesty's subjects by ridiculing and scandalising the Christian religion and thus bringing the catechism into contempt.

06:07Mr. Justice Abbott presiding and Sir Samuel Shepard, the attorney general prosecuting, how does the defendant plead?

06:16Not guilty.

06:17You will have to speak up, Mr Hone.

06:19Sir, you are facing a penalty of many years' imprisonment at the very least, and possibly lifelong deportation to his majesty's penal colony in Australia.

06:31So I ask you again, how do you plead?

06:34Not guilty, my lord.

06:37I am unafraid of the penalty, since I am confident the jury will find me innocent.

06:41We shall see.

06:43Sir Samuel, if you would like to proceed.

06:46Gentlemen of the jury, I shall not occupy you long in showing that the effect of Mr Hone's libel upon the catechism, the Lord's Prayer, and the Ten Commandments is to denigrate the Christian religion.

07:00It is impossible to read it without reaching such a conclusion.

07:04And if the book of common prayer is not to be held sacred from ridicule, what is there that is left safe in the mind of a Christian?

07:13If any of you gentlemen be fathers, I would ask you this.

07:18Would you put these profane works in the hands of your children?

07:23Or indeed, would you put them into the hands of the lower classes of society, which are not fit to cope with the sort of topics that are raised by them?

07:33These works were calculated to weaken the reverence for the Christian faith.

07:38It may be said that the defendant's object was not to produce this effect.

07:43I believe that he meant it, in one sense, as a political squib.

07:48Indeed, that is exactly right. And my point is...

07:50Your counsel will have his chance to present your defence in good time, Mr Hone.

07:56Pray do not interrupt the Attorney General.

07:59But I have no counsel.

08:00You have chosen to dispense with legal representation. Is that wise?

08:07It's certainly cheap.

08:09My lord, I am unassisted by counsel, not out of choice, but out of poverty.

08:15As you can see from my shabby appearance, I am as destitute as any man in London.

08:18These past months, I have been prevented from pursuing my business due to my illegal imprisonment, which has reduced me to absolute penury.

08:26This predicament has been forced upon me and my unfortunate wife and eight innocent children by the machinations of the Attorney General, the Lord Chief Justice, and the entire government.

08:37Mr Hone, even if you are representing yourself, you are obliged to obey the rules and procedures of the law.

08:45You must, at this point, remain silent and refrain from making such unfounded allegations.

08:52I thank your Lordship for your advice. I was merely agreeing with Sir Samuel that my intent was always political.

08:57But it is not the intent which is important, but the effect.

09:01Not so.

09:02Silence, Mr Hone.

09:03Contrary to what Mr Hone claims, the jury will see that his offense is not political, but sacrilegious.

09:13Take his version of the Apostles' Creed.

09:15We say, I believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth.

09:21I believe in Christ, his only Son, our Lord, and so on.

09:25Mr Hone says, I believe in George the Regent Almighty, maker of new streets and knights of the bar.

09:35And I believe in the present ministry, his only choice, who were conceived of Toryism, brought forth of William Pitt,

09:46suffered loss of place under Charles James Fox, were execrated, dead, and buried.

09:53In a few months, they rose again from their minority.

09:58They re-ascended the treasury benches, and sit at the right hand of a little man in a large wig.

10:07Perhaps the clerk could read out the offending article, Sir Samuel.

10:19His solemn tones may settle the prevalent outbreak of liberty.

10:24I am indebted to you, my lord.

10:26The minister's ten commandments.

10:30Thou shalt have no other patron but me.

10:33Thou shalt not support any measures but mine.

10:37Thou shalt not take the pension of the Lord, thy minister, in fame.

10:43Thou shalt not call starving to death murder.

10:46Thou shalt not call royal gallivanting adultery.

10:51Thou shalt not say that to rob the public is to steal.

10:54Thou shalt bear false witness against the people.

11:00I think the jury has heard enough of the heinous libel.

11:05Alleged libel, your lordship.

11:07How can this be alleged, your lordship?

11:09The libel is self-evident, and there is worse.

11:12Mr. Hone parodies the Lord's Prayer itself.

11:16Yes, the most solemn prayer to the Almighty, to the Redeemer of the world, and to the Holy Ghost.

11:22The most sublime part of the public service of the Church.

11:26And he does so thus.

11:29Our lord, who art in the treasury,

11:32Whatsoever be thy name, thy power be prolonged, thy will be done, throughout the empire as it is at home.

11:42Give us this day our daily sops, and forgive us our occasional absences from Parliament,

11:51as we forgive not them that vote against thee.

11:55Turn us not out of seats, but keep us in the House of Commons,

12:00the land of pension and plenty, and deliver us from the people.

12:05Amen.

12:05I will not tolerate this disruption.

12:12Thank you, my lord.

12:14But I, for one, am grateful for this demonstration of facetiousness.

12:18For is it not conclusive proof of the prosecution's case that Mr. Hone's pernicious and profane publication

12:27has an immediate and baneful effect upon the public.

12:31I arrest my case.

12:34Really?

12:36Then, would Mr. Hone like to present his defence?

12:44Gentlemen of the jury,

12:45I am not in the habit of addressing an assembly such as this.

12:51Indeed, I have never addressed any assembly before,

12:54so I beg your indulgence.

12:55I stand before you as an impoverished bookseller,

12:59in poor health and threadbare coat,

13:01a humble man,

13:02ill-equipped to face this persecution,

13:05by the great powers in the land,

13:07from whom I have received nothing but abuse and bad treatment

13:10since my summary and unconstitutional arrest in May of this year.

13:15The prisoner William Hone, Lord Ellenborough.

13:18Mr. Hone, before you are tried in court,

13:21you have to plead to the charges.

13:23But what are the charges?

13:24I have been shown no documents and given no explanations.

13:27You are charged with three counts of publishing criminal and blasphemous libels.

13:31How do you plead?

13:32Your lordship, I am not a well man.

13:35Please may I sit.

13:35No.

13:36You must stand and plead.

13:38Sir, I will not plead until I receive a copy of the charges against me.

13:42No.

13:42It is too expensive to make copies of the charge sheet

13:45for every prisoner who is brought before a court.

13:47You must plead.

13:48I repeat, please may I sit.

13:51I have not been allowed to perform the functions of nature during my incarceration.

13:55Please may I sit.

13:56No.

13:58My lord, this morning I was found senseless on the floor of my cell

14:01and I am so weak that I cannot be held accountable for the actions of my bowels.

14:07And no!

14:10Well, really.

14:16Mr. Cruickshank to see you.

14:18George, it is so good of you to come.

14:20I have been drawing the scene in front of Ellenborough.

14:24Is it true that you asked him if you could sit?

14:28No, George, I asked if I could sit.

14:30Though I did explain about the unreliability of my bowels.

14:33Detail, detail.

14:34You see, I have drawn here Lord Ellenborough with a huge fart coming out of his mouth saying,

14:41No!

14:41And there's the Attorney General with his ear trumpet so he can't hear if you're saying sit or shit.

14:49Brilliant, eh?

14:51Have you been drinking?

14:53No!

14:54But that is only because I find myself temporarily financially embarrassed.

14:59Is that why you came to see me, George? To borrow money?

15:01No!

15:02Well, yes.

15:03Consider it an advance on this print.

15:05It's bound to sell well.

15:07You can't fail with flatulence.

15:08And we can use the profits to pay your bail.

15:12Mr. Hone, this account of your imprisonment is not relevant to the case against you.

15:17Will you please proceed with your defence?

15:19Indeed I will, Your Honour.

15:21But first I thought it only right that the jury should know about the campaign of vilification waged against me

15:25by my Lord Sidmouth, the Home Secretary no less,

15:29who night after night in the House of Lords has described my works as blasphemy

15:33and so has attempted to prejudice my chances of a fair trial.

15:36So widely has Lord Sidmouth's accusation of blasphemy been trumpeted throughout the country

15:42that even before I have come to trial, I have been tried, condemned and sentenced

15:47not by this honest and upright jury of my peers,

15:50but by a common jury of fools, knaves, bigots and hypocrites.

15:56My patience is running out, Mr. Hone.

15:58I am now going to insist that you present your defence to the charge of blasphemous libel.

16:05My Lord, you say it is a libel,

16:08but it is not a libel until the gentlemen of the jury say it is a libel.

16:11And I say it is a parody.

16:15And parody is an art that is as old, at least, as the invention of printing itself.

16:19Moreover, I have never heard of a prosecution for parody,

16:22either religious or any other.

16:24You see before me on this table my books,

16:27and it is from them that I must draw my defence.

16:30Are they legal books?

16:31Oh yes, my Lord, quite legal.

16:33None of them has ever been prosecuted.

16:36Yet, they all contain parodies.

16:39And the truth is that throughout the history of literature,

16:42writers have parodied religious texts,

16:44and these have never been construed as blasphemy.

16:47Consider this example, written in 1518,

16:50a parody of the first verse of the first psalm.

16:54Blessed is the man that hath not walked in the way of the sacramentarians,

16:59nor sat in the seat of the Zwinglians,

17:02nor followed the counsel of the Zurichers.

17:06Perhaps not the most humorous lines ever written,

17:08but a parody nonetheless.

17:10And who, gentlemen of the jury, wrote this?

17:14A man who everyone in this court would esteem.

17:17A man to whom we are indebted for liberty of conscience,

17:20and to all the blessings of the Protestant Reformation.

17:23That man is Martin Luther.

17:26Now, would any man here say that Martin Luther was a blasphemer,

17:30and yet he was a parodist just like myself?

17:32The law does not allow one offence to be vindicated by another.

17:37I think it best that the defendant shall not read out such things.

17:41I must go on with these parodies, or I cannot go on with my defence.

17:44Now, I have in my hand a parody of the Lord's Prayer,

17:48delivered in the pulpit by Dr. John Boyes,

17:50the Dean of Canterbury Cathedral, in 1613.

17:54Our Pope, which art in Rome, hellish be thy name.

17:59You cannot be allowed to proceed in reading a profane parody on the Lord's Prayer.

18:04You may only state in general terms that there is such a parody existing.

18:10I repeat to Mr. Hone that to present to the court previous parodies

18:15is the same thing as a person charged with obscenity

18:19presenting other obscene volumes in his defence.

18:25But these are not obscene volumes,

18:28but works by some of the most eminent and devout churchmen in the country.

18:31Now, the next book I shall refer to is a volume of sermons by Bishop Latimer.

18:36Mr. Hone, you are beginning to try the patience of the jury.

18:39My Lord, I trust the jury entirely,

18:41now that the special jury system has been abolished this very year,

18:45after I successfully petitioned...

18:46That issue has been resolved, and we do not need to be reminded of it.

18:50Oh, indeed, my Lord.

18:52There is no need to remind anyone of the previous rigging of the special juries,

18:56in which, out of a list of 500 possible jurors,

18:59some 226 were discovered to be disqualified by non-residents.

19:03Or actually dead.

19:06And of the remainder,

19:08a mere 40 names were regularly selected by the Crown Office

19:11to follow the direction of the judge,

19:14thus turning trials for libel into what has been described as a melancholy farce.

19:19Would the defendant refrain from reminding the court

19:22of what he promised not to remind us?

19:24The bench may rest assured that I will not mention again

19:28the grotesque mockery of justice

19:30that rendered the special juries into puppets of the Crown,

19:33sending innocents to their doom.

19:35Hooray!

19:36I shall instead move on to my next example of historical parody.

19:40And what is this one?

19:42Oh, it is a very special parody.

19:44It is a poem illustrated by the late Mr. Gilray,

19:48a most admirable caricaturist.

19:50As you see,

19:53the work depicts Biblical scenes

19:55and references Biblical texts

19:57in a parody of the Book of Job.

20:00Here we see the Duke of Bedford drawn as a whale

20:03and riding on the back of Leviathan

20:05is Mr. Charles James Fox,

20:07accompanied by other Whig notables

20:09all wearing French Revolutionary pants.

20:13It is a parody that is sympathetic to the Tory government.

20:16But what the jury do not know

20:18is that it is not merely sympathetic to the government,

20:21but actually written by a member of the government.

20:25And not just any member of the government,

20:28but a member of the Cabinet.

20:30To whom are you referring?

20:32That member of the Cabinet

20:33is none other than the Right Honourable George Canning,

20:37a serving government minister

20:39who is now one of my prosecutors.

20:42And has Mr. Canning been arrested?

20:44Is Mr. Canning standing before you accused of blasphemy?

20:48Will Mr. Canning be going to jail?

20:51I think not.

20:54If I am to be punished and not Mr. Canning,

20:56then a great injustice would be done.

20:59And the people of England would determine

21:01that theirs is not a free government,

21:03but an arbitrary despotism.

21:04The jury will now retire to reach its verdict

21:11according to their consciences.

21:13My duty, gentlemen,

21:15is of course to assist

21:16and not to direct you.

21:19However,

21:19I am fully convinced

21:21that Mr. Hone's publication

21:22was highly scandalous,

21:24irreligious,

21:25and libelous.

21:30Well done, William.

21:32You were magnificent.

21:34Six hours without a break.

21:36I feared I had exhausted all my arguments.

21:38I've certainly exhausted myself.

21:40Perhaps we should repair

21:41to the Southampton Arms

21:42while the jury contemplate their decision?

21:44A sound idea, George.

21:46The jury has returned.

21:48What?

21:49That was quick.

21:51They've only been out for 15 minutes.

21:52It's a good sign.

21:54You think so?

21:55Or a very,

21:56very bad one?

21:59Foreman of the jury,

22:01Mr. Boring.

22:02Do you find the defendant,

22:03William Hone,

22:04guilty or not guilty?

22:06Not guilty.

22:11Clear the course.

22:13Congratulations, William.

22:14You've done it.

22:15You've won.

22:16I didn't win.

22:17It was divine providence

22:18that cleared you of blasphemy.

22:22Mr. Hone,

22:23you are free to go.

22:25To the Southampton Arms.

22:26The drinks are on you.

22:29However,

22:32you have only been cleared

22:33of the first

22:34of the three charges against you,

22:37a blasphemous parody

22:38of the Catechism.

22:40The trial of the King

22:41versus William Hone

22:42for a blasphemous parody

22:44of the litany

22:45will come before the court

22:47tomorrow morning

22:48at half past nine o'clock.

22:50The first you don't succeed.

22:53Try,

22:54try,

22:54and try him again.

23:04Mr. Justice Abbott

23:06and Lord Ellenbrough.

23:07We were just playing

23:10spillikins.

23:11Lady Hartford

23:12was attempting

23:13to draw her stick

23:14from the bottom

23:15of the pile,

23:16but unfortunately

23:16the entire structure

23:18has collapsed

23:19upon the floor.

23:20As indeed

23:21has Lady Hartford.

23:23Good evening,

23:24Your Ladyship.

23:26Why do you look

23:27so thunderous?

23:29Does the Lord Chief Justice

23:30disapprove of spillikins?

23:32No, Madam,

23:33but no one likes

23:34to be the bearer

23:35of bad news.

23:36Mr. Abbott,

23:37could you inform

23:38His Majesty

23:39of the latest developments

23:40in the Guildhall?

23:41I am afraid

23:42Mr. Hone

23:43has been acquitted

23:44of blasphemous libel.

23:46Good God,

23:47how on earth

23:47did that happen?

23:48You promised me

23:49he was as good

23:50as on his way

23:51to the colonies.

23:52How did the people

23:53react to this outrage?

23:55They laughed,

23:56Your Highness.

23:56It is the manner

23:58in which the mob

23:58expressed their vulgar joy.

24:00What have they

24:00got to be happy about?

24:02This man is a traitor

24:03to their monarch

24:04who they should love.

24:06He has ridiculed

24:07their prince

24:07and sought to

24:08ferment rebellion

24:09throughout the kingdom.

24:11Unfortunately,

24:11we did not have

24:12sufficient evidence,

24:13sire.

24:14Damn your evidence!

24:15When I opened parliament,

24:17the mob attacked me

24:18with stones!

24:19I thought it was

24:20done, Georgie.

24:21The fact is

24:22that they attacked

24:23the royal personage

24:24and this man,

24:25Hone,

24:26made light of it

24:26in his publication.

24:28Isn't that evidence enough?

24:29I agree, sire.

24:31The man is a menace

24:32to us all.

24:33He has undermined

24:34the judicial system

24:35trying to prove

24:35the innocence

24:36of the Fenning girl

24:37who we hang for murder.

24:38He's been meddling

24:39in the madhouses,

24:40demanding better treatment

24:41for lunatics,

24:42and he has even called

24:43for universal suffrage,

24:45a vote for every

24:46common man in the country.

24:48Which proves

24:49he is a lunatic

24:51himself!

24:53Oh, most witty, Georgie!

24:56Yes, I thought so.

24:57Which is why

24:58we cannot allow him

24:59to resume his campaign

25:00of what he calls reform

25:02and I call revolution.

25:04Oh!

25:05Please, Lord Justice,

25:06you must remember

25:07Lady Hartford's sensitivities.

25:10So what do you propose to do?

25:12We are trying him again

25:13tomorrow, Your Highness,

25:14and this time

25:15I will see to it

25:16that we do not fail.

25:18He will be tried

25:19not just for blasphemy,

25:20but we will add

25:21a further charge of libel

25:22upon your person.

25:24Well, that shouldn't

25:24be hard to prove.

25:26Even for you,

25:27Hone was the one

25:28who published

25:29Cruikshank's drawing

25:30of my posterior,

25:32likening it

25:32to a huge French

25:34Oh!

25:35bomb.

25:36It's pronounced

25:37berm, Georgie.

25:39I know how it's pronounced,

25:41and so does damned Hone.

25:43And let us not forget

25:45Cruikshank's depiction

25:46of somebody else's berm,

25:48which wasn't exactly small.

25:51This is what I have

25:53to put up with

25:54on your behalf.

25:56There!

25:57I hope you are satisfied,

25:59gentlemen.

26:00You have thoroughly ruined

26:01my game of spillikins.

26:06Oh, I have been

26:08all day on my feet,

26:10and fear I am entirely spent.

26:13Oh, I know you, William.

26:15You will find the strength.

26:16What strength I have

26:17comes from you, dear wife.

26:19Oh, and I fear I have been

26:20a poor father to our children.

26:22Emma, John, Rose,

26:24Samuel, Alfred,

26:26Charlotte,

26:27Charlotte,

26:28Ellen,

26:29Ellen, and...

26:30Fanny.

26:31Fanny, of course.

26:32I haven't missed any out of her.

26:33No, eight is sufficient

26:35for the time being,

26:36don't you think?

26:36Oh, what have I done to you?

26:39I have been bankrupt.

26:41Twice.

26:41I have been jailed.

26:43We live in poverty.

26:45The children have no beds.

26:47You deserve so much more.

26:48Oh, hush you, William.

26:50You are the most generous man

26:52in London.

26:53Nonsense.

26:54Oh.

26:57Hello?

26:58Do I smell supper?

27:00George, come in.

27:02As I was saying...

27:03Your husband was astounding.

27:06Sarah, his eloquence

27:07swept all before him.

27:08His wit and his powers

27:09of argument dazzled the jury.

27:11He was William, the conqueror,

27:14the game cock of Guildhall.

27:16Oh, really, George?

27:17I shall draw you

27:18as David versus Goliath

27:20with you taking on

27:21the big wig

27:22and triumphing

27:23over the donkey-headed judge.

27:25Perhaps with a bulldog

27:27representing England

27:28cocking its leg

27:29to piss over

27:29the Prime Minister.

27:30George, the children.

27:32Oh, forgive me.

27:33I shouldn't mention

27:34the Prime Minister

27:35in polite society.

27:38Oh, well, perhaps

27:39you shouldn't tempt fate

27:41and refrain from

27:41putting quill to paper

27:42before the matter is settled.

27:44Whatever I did today

27:45in court,

27:46I have to do it

27:47all again tomorrow.

27:52Mr Justice Abbott is late.

27:56Why is he late?

27:57What does that signify?

27:58Perhaps they've revealed

28:00the merits of the case

28:01against you

28:01and decided to give up

28:02with this maggot in the head?

28:04Perhaps they've realised

28:05their folly

28:06and abandoned their vendetta

28:07against the free press?

28:09All stand for the judge.

28:11Perhaps not.

28:12Dear God,

28:15it's Ellenborough.

28:16The Lord Chief Justice

28:17Lord Ellenborough

28:18will be presiding today.

28:20I don't believe it.

28:21He's given Abbott the boot.

28:23Ellenborough has taken over

28:24as judge.

28:24And jury, no doubt.

28:26Silence in court.

28:29The case of the King

28:30versus William Holm,

28:32who is charged

28:32with impious and profane libel

28:34and also with seditious libel

28:36against the Prince Regent,

28:37the House of Lords

28:38and the House of Commons.

28:40Now the Sheriff's here.

28:41They are not, my lord.

28:43Then let them be

28:43immediately sent for.

28:45I am in charge today

28:46and I will have no disorder

28:47in my court.

28:48The Attorney General,

28:50Sir Samuel Shepherd,

28:51will proceed

28:52with the case

28:52for the prosecution.

28:54Gentlemen of the jury,

28:56the question

28:57you are assembled to try

28:58is one of the utmost importance

29:01to the Constitution

29:02of society.

29:04The libel is a parody

29:05of that part

29:07of the divine service

29:08established by law

29:09called the litany.

29:11You will recall

29:12that the litany

29:13is a devout

29:14and heartfelt supplication

29:16to the Almighty

29:17which includes the passage,

29:19Son of God,

29:20we beseech thee

29:21to hear us.

29:22O Lamb of God,

29:23that takest away

29:24the sins of the world,

29:26have mercy upon us.

29:28The defendant

29:29has turned this

29:30to ridicule.

29:32It is too disgusting

29:33to read his parody

29:34in its entirety,

29:35that Mr. Holm's litany

29:37replaces the sacred words

29:40with the following,

29:41Son of George,

29:42we beseech thee

29:43to hear us.

29:44O House of Lords,

29:46that takest away

29:47so many thousands

29:48of pounds

29:49in pensions,

29:50have mercy upon us.

29:53Where are the sheriffs?

29:54We are here,

29:57my lord.

29:58I have sent for you

29:59as there is an absolute

30:00necessity for your presence.

30:02I understand

30:03there were most unseemly

30:04disturbances in the court

30:05yesterday

30:06which will not

30:07be repeated today.

30:09You will apprehend

30:09any persons

30:10who dare to interrupt

30:11the course of these proceedings.

30:12I assure your lordship

30:13that we will put a stop

30:14to any disgraceful

30:16or indecent conduct.

30:18Mr. Holm,

30:19do you have any

30:21defence against

30:22the Attorney General's charges?

30:24Members of the jury,

30:26I am innocent

30:28of the charges

30:28and I will prove my case

30:30by referring to

30:31the historical precedents

30:32of parody

30:33by reverent,

30:34distinguished

30:35and sober men

30:36of letters.

30:37I should warn you,

30:37Mr. Holm,

30:38that if you are going

30:39to argue that the scriptures

30:40have been ridiculed

30:41before by other

30:42persons,

30:42then I shall not hear it.

30:45Crimes committed

30:45by other persons

30:46do not excuse yours.

30:48I declare such

30:50evidence

30:50as judicially inadmissible.

30:53Does your lordship

30:55intend to send me

30:55to prison

30:56without a fair trial?

30:57If your lordship

30:58does not mean that,

31:00then you will allow me

31:01to make my defence

31:02to the jury.

31:03You are, of course,

31:04entitled to make

31:05your defence.

31:07I do not understand

31:08your lordship.

31:09If I am not permitted

31:10to read these publications

31:11to the jury,

31:12I have no defence.

31:13And you might as well

31:14dispense with all pretense

31:15of justice

31:16and send this poor bookseller

31:18to rot in a dungeon.

31:19This can have no reference

31:20to your case.

31:23The jury,

31:24as sensible men,

31:25must see that it has not.

31:26My lord,

31:27I understand your notion

31:29of sensible men

31:29very well.

31:30What your lordship means

31:32by calling the jury

31:33sensible men

31:34is that they will find

31:35me guilty.

31:36My notion of sensible men

31:38is that they will acquit me.

31:39Enough, Mr. Holm.

31:42I will hear you,

31:43however immaterial

31:44and however little good

31:45what you have to say

31:46will do you.

31:47I repeat,

31:49my lord,

31:50that the object

31:50of the publication

31:51of the litany

31:52was a political one.

31:54There was no intention

31:56to bring religion

31:56into contempt.

31:57The intention

31:58is not the issue.

32:00It is the effect.

32:02And we have seen

32:03the mischievous effect

32:05on the common

32:06and ordinary people

32:07in this very court.

32:08The effect was

32:10to provoke laughter,

32:12my lord.

32:13Laughter at our rulers.

32:15And that was

32:15always my intention.

32:19Come quick,

32:20Santa Tenses a while.

32:25I'll sing ye a song

32:26that shall make ye

32:28to smile.

32:30It is a faithful description

32:31of the tree of life.

32:35So pleasing to every maid,

32:38widow and wife.

32:41Oh!

32:42Oh!

32:43You always liked

32:45a low ballad,

32:45didn't you, George?

32:46No, no, no.

32:48This is about

32:49the tree of life

32:50from the book of Genesis.

32:51So most countries produce.

32:54But till eighteen years

32:56growth,

32:57it is not much

32:58fit for you.

32:59Then nine or ten inches

33:02for it seldom

33:03grows higher.

33:05And that's sure

33:06as much as

33:08the heart

33:08can desire.

33:11You think it was basically

33:12a theological conceit.

33:14He laid too long

33:15for a sight

33:16of this tree.

33:17I got it.

33:18This invitation

33:19come hither to me.

33:22I have it just now

33:24in the height

33:26of perfection

33:27adapted for handling

33:31and should for injection.

33:40Ah, very elevating,

33:42I am sure.

33:43What would you have us sing then,

33:46William?

33:47The litany?

33:47A sound idea.

33:50How about

33:51a political litany

33:52diligently revised

33:54to be sung reverently

33:55by what our rulers

33:56call the swinish multitude

33:57throughout the taverns

33:58in the land?

33:59Go on, then.

34:00Oh, prince ruler

34:04of the people,

34:06have mercy upon us

34:07thy miserable subjects.

34:10Oh, George,

34:11have mercy upon us.

34:13Good prince,

34:15deliver us

34:16from a parliament

34:17chosen only

34:18by one-tenth

34:19of the taxpayers.

34:21Oh, George,

34:22have mercy upon us.

34:25Good prince,

34:26deliver us

34:27from all the deadly sins

34:29attendant on corrupt elections

34:31and all the deceits

34:34of the hirelings

34:35of the press

34:36from jails

34:37crowded with debtors

34:39and poor houses

34:40overflowing

34:41with poor pies.

34:43Oh, George,

34:44have mercy upon us.

34:49Oh, what about the grace?

34:50We can't end

34:50without the grace.

34:52Ah, the grace

34:54of our Lord

34:55George,

34:56the prince regent,

34:57and the love

34:58of Louis XVIII

34:59from France

35:00and the fellowship

35:02of the Pope

35:03be with us

35:04now and evermore.

35:11Amen.

35:16And the fellowship

35:17of the Pope

35:18be with us now

35:20and evermore.

35:21Amen.

35:22Amen.

35:23Amen.

35:24We have order

35:25in court.

35:27It is my opinion

35:28that if this publication

35:29produces such an effect

35:31on the minds

35:31of those who hear

35:32and read it,

35:33then it is a libel.

35:35Then all I can say,

35:36gentlemen of the jury,

35:37is that that

35:38is merely

35:39his lordship's opinion.

35:41It is not

35:41merely my opinion.

35:43It is the opinion

35:43of all lawyers

35:44in all ages.

35:46The law says

35:47if the publication

35:48has the tendency

35:49to inflame,

35:50then the author

35:50had the intention

35:51to inflame.

35:53No judge

35:54ever held differently.

35:55And that

35:55is your lordship's opinion,

35:57which is but

35:58the opinion

35:58of one man.

36:01His lordship

36:01presides in this court,

36:03but you,

36:03the jury,

36:04are my judges,

36:05and to you

36:06I willingly

36:06submit my case.

36:09And of course,

36:09by this I mean

36:10no offence to his lordship.

36:12Shelves,

36:13I instruct you

36:14to take into custody

36:15any person

36:16who makes a disturbance.

36:17The first man

36:19I say laugh

36:20I shall arrest him.

36:23You there,

36:24was that you laughing?

36:26No, sir.

36:27No, not me, sir.

36:28Who was that?

36:29Who dares to laugh?

36:33Order has been restored,

36:35your lordship.

36:37I would remind

36:38all those gathered here

36:39and outside the courtroom

36:40that they are risking

36:41contravening Lord Sidmouth's

36:43Seditious Meetings Act

36:44and his treasonable

36:45practices bill.

36:47William,

36:47is this a treasonable

36:48practice?

36:49No, I thought we were

36:50getting rather good at it.

36:51What was that,

36:52Mr. Hone?

36:53Perhaps you would like

36:54to share your observations

36:55with the court?

36:56I was just saying,

36:58my lord,

36:58that this disruption

36:59is most regrettable.

37:00I can assure you

37:01that none of my friends

37:02would take part

37:03in such mockery.

37:05But,

37:05I would urge

37:07all the good persons here

37:08to allow me

37:09to finish my defence

37:10against what are

37:11very serious charges.

37:14For,

37:15not only

37:16am I on trial

37:17for libelling

37:17the scriptures,

37:18but also for libelling

37:19the Prince Regent,

37:21the House of Lords,

37:22and the House of Commons.

37:24Now,

37:25I do not expect

37:26gentlemen of the jury

37:27to share my political opinions,

37:29but I do expect them

37:30to respect them,

37:32as I respect theirs.

37:35In my political litany,

37:36I tell the truth

37:37as I see it.

37:39And a government

37:40which cannot hear the truth,

37:41it must be a despotism.

37:43That the jails

37:44are crowded with debtors,

37:45or that the poor houses

37:46are overflowing

37:47with paupers,

37:48or that parliaments

37:49are not chosen

37:50by more than

37:50one-tenth of the people

37:52are indisputable facts.

37:54If required,

37:55I could go through

37:56every supplication

37:57in the litany

37:57to show that what I said

37:58was true

37:59and not libelous.

38:00That is not required,

38:02Mr. Hone.

38:03Politics

38:03is my crime,

38:04pure and simple,

38:06and the real libel

38:07is here.

38:08Those who instituted

38:09this hypocritical

38:10prosecution against me,

38:12which is aimed

38:12at nothing less

38:14than the liberty

38:15of the press.

38:16I am referring,

38:17of course,

38:17to the ministers

38:18of this government.

38:19I might remind

38:20the court

38:21have been elected

38:21democratically.

38:23But have they?

38:24And by whom?

38:26Members of the jury.

38:27You may have seen

38:28my publication,

38:29The Reformist's Register.

38:30I very much doubt

38:31they are readers

38:32of tuppeny trash.

38:33Oh, well,

38:33then perhaps I may

38:34familiarise them

38:35with the contents.

38:36In one edition,

38:38I reported on Gatton

38:39in Surrey,

38:40a borough of six houses

38:42which returned

38:43two members

38:44of Parliament.

38:46Those two members

38:48were Sir Mark Wood

38:49and his son.

38:52Sir Mark is the freeholder

38:53of all six houses,

38:55which means that there

38:56is only one elector

38:58in the borough,

38:59Sir Mark,

39:00who voted for himself

39:01and his son.

39:03Sir Mark is well respected

39:05and much beloved

39:05in the borough.

39:06There are certainly

39:07not many people

39:07to tell him otherwise.

39:08This has nothing

39:11to do with parody.

39:12Oh, your lordship

39:14is correct.

39:15It is beyond parody.

39:17It is true.

39:20And the truth is

39:21that if there is

39:23ridicule in my work,

39:24it is because

39:25government ministers

39:25have rendered themselves

39:27ridiculous.

39:27Yes, I intended

39:29to laugh at them

39:29and laugh at them I will

39:31until they cease

39:32to be objects

39:32of my laughter

39:33by ceasing

39:34to be ministers.

39:35I ask you,

39:37is laughter treason?

39:39Hmm?

39:40Surely not.

39:41Gentlemen of the jury,

39:43I may cut a wretched figure,

39:46but I do not seek mercy.

39:49No.

39:50I seek justice!

39:52Members of the jury,

40:00in obedience

40:02to my conscience

40:03and my God,

40:05I pronounce this

40:06to be a most impious

40:08and profane libel.

40:10As Christians,

40:11I have no doubt

40:12that you will be

40:13of the same opinion.

40:16The jury will retire

40:18to reach its verdict.

40:19It is a stupid game.

40:39No, no, no,

40:40it's capital fun.

40:41You see,

40:42the whole trick

40:43of Snapdragon

40:44is to extract

40:45the fiery raisin

40:46from the bowl

40:47of flaming brandy

40:48like so.

40:50Careful, Georgie.

40:51And then extinguish

40:53that raisin

40:53by placing it

40:54in your mouth

40:55thus.

40:56Oh, brave.

40:57And then you eat

40:58the flambéed fruit.

41:02Where's that water

41:04for the Duke of York?

41:05Too late, George.

41:06My mouth has recovered.

41:07But your week

41:08is on fire.

41:09Yes, so it is.

41:11Oh, my God.

41:12Now, your turn,

41:16Lady Hartford.

41:17Relight the bowl

41:18of brandy.

41:19Your Majesty,

41:21Lords Ellenburton Sidmouth

41:23desire an audience.

41:24Excellent.

41:25They are no doubt

41:25bringing me

41:26my Christmas present.

41:28William Hone

41:29in jail.

41:31Most amusing, Georgie.

41:32And about time, too.

41:34Your Highnesses,

41:35ladies,

41:36I am sorry

41:37to interrupt

41:37your festive rebels,

41:39but I bring

41:39bad tidings.

41:41Hone has been

41:42acquitted.

41:43Again.

41:43What?

41:44You said you

41:45would see to it

41:46yourself,

41:46and this time

41:47you were silenced

41:48for good.

41:48Regrettably,

41:49the jury were

41:50infected by the

41:51public mood

41:51of disaffection.

41:53I was unable

41:53to persuade them

41:54to fulfil their

41:55duty as loyal

41:56subjects and

41:57upstanding Christians.

41:58So what do

41:59we do now?

42:00What do you say,

42:01Home Secretary?

42:02Well, clearly

42:03we try him again.

42:05Third time lucky.

42:06I am not entirely

42:07sure that is a good

42:08idea, Your Majesty.

42:09Two acquittals

42:11from two juries

42:12would suggest

42:13that perhaps

42:13the law is not

42:14the most effective

42:15means of dealing

42:16with this matter.

42:16That rather depends

42:17on the effectiveness

42:18of the judge.

42:19Well, merely

42:19continuing with

42:20the prosecution

42:21might make

42:22Your Majesty

42:23look vindictive.

42:24I will punish

42:25anyone who says

42:26I am vindictive.

42:27Indeed, sire.

42:28But perhaps

42:29a different tactic

42:30might bear fruit.

42:31We could give him

42:32a secret pension.

42:34Remember that

42:34miserable hack,

42:36Gilray?

42:36Canning paid him

42:37off and he soon

42:38changed his tune

42:39whereas before

42:40he drew you

42:41as, what was it,

42:42a corpulent

42:43voluptuous...

42:44Thank you for

42:45reminding us,

42:45Freddie.

42:46He stuck his pen

42:47into Bonaparte

42:48instead.

42:49In fact,

42:50we paid him

42:50so much

42:51he could afford

42:51to drink

42:52himself to death.

42:53Only thing

42:54Gilray ever did

42:55that made me laugh.

42:56Ho, ho, ho, ho!

42:58But if you paid off

42:59this man, Hone,

43:01would he and his

43:02beastly friend,

43:03Crookshank,

43:03stop portraying me

43:05as well-rounded?

43:07You ladyship,

43:08with respect,

43:09there are more

43:10weighty matters

43:11at stake here.

43:11You can't get much

43:12weightier than

43:13Lady Hartford.

43:14Ho, ho, ho, ho!

43:15Ho, ho, ho!

43:16You are ready!

43:18Georgie,

43:19tell him to stop

43:20being so horrid!

43:21You have gone

43:22too far, sir.

43:24Forgive me,

43:24I meant no offence.

43:25I was merely

43:26agreeing with

43:27Lord Ellenborough

43:28that sometimes

43:28one has to endure

43:29this sort of

43:30snide whittling.

43:31I myself have

43:33been defamed

43:34in a scurrilous

43:35nursery rhyme

43:36accusing me of

43:37taking 10,000 men

43:38up a hill

43:39and then down again.

43:41Now that was funny.

43:43It was not funny.

43:45It was extremely

43:45unfortunate that

43:47my one field

43:47command in Flanders

43:49failed to achieve

43:50all the military

43:51objectives,

43:52including the

43:53taking of the

43:53so-called hill,

43:55which was actually

43:56a fortified town.

43:58Yes, all right,

43:59Freddy, we have

44:00all heard this

44:01before.

44:01Perhaps a strategic

44:03retreat might be

44:04efficacious in this

44:05matter also,

44:06your highness.

44:07Perhaps we should

44:08avoid further

44:09humiliation and

44:10postpone the third

44:11trial.

44:11Have you lost

44:12your backbone,

44:13Ellenborough?

44:14Has this upstart

44:15bookseller knocked

44:16the stuffing out

44:16of you?

44:17How dare you

44:18shut up!

44:18Gentlemen,

44:19gentlemen,

44:20no raised voices,

44:21please.

44:22There are ladies

44:23present.

44:23But there are

44:24important matters

44:24to decide.

44:25Indeed.

44:27Chirards or

44:28buffy-gruffy?

44:28William Hone,

44:38you are required

44:38by the court

44:39to present

44:39yourself to the

44:40Guildhall tomorrow

44:41morning at nine

44:42to be tried for

44:42publishing an

44:43irreligious and

44:44profane libel on

44:45the Athanasian

44:46Creed.

44:46For pity's sake,

44:47not a third

44:48trial.

44:49Surely.

44:49This is

44:50persecution.

44:51Has anyone

44:52ever endured

44:52three trials in

44:53three days?

44:54I was assured

44:55that the government

44:56would abandon

44:56this absurd

44:57vendetta.

44:57Lord Ellenborough

44:58is of a

44:58different opinion.

45:00You should have

45:01left the country

45:01when you had

45:02the Charleston

45:02and fled to

45:03America like

45:04William Cobbett.

45:04There is still

45:05time.

45:06No, sir!

45:07My husband is

45:08not William

45:09Cobbett.

45:09He is not

45:10going to become

45:11a fugitive,

45:11leaving his

45:12wife and family

45:12behind.

45:13I think the

45:14officer meant

45:14well, Sarah.

45:15You don't

45:16know my husband

45:16if you imagine

45:17that he is a

45:18coward who would

45:19desert a cause

45:19he believes to

45:20be right.

45:21Thank you,

45:21my dear.

45:23Would you

45:23inform Lord

45:24Ellenborough that,

45:24God willing,

45:25I shall be in

45:26court tomorrow

45:27morning and

45:27hope I shall

45:28have the strength

45:28to resist my

45:29oppressors one

45:30more time.

45:30Very good,

45:31sir.

45:33Are you

45:34all right,

45:34William?

45:35You are not

45:36yourself.

45:37I am angry,

45:38George, that I

45:39have to rehearse

45:40all my arguments

45:41again for yet

45:42another jury who

45:43may not stand up

45:44to Ellenborough's

45:44browbeating so

45:45robustly.

45:45You are ill.

45:46Ask for a

45:47postponement.

45:48No, I will

45:48make no such

45:49request.

45:50We will finish

45:50this today.

45:51Mr. Holm,

45:52you really do

45:53look most unwell.

45:54No, no, no,

45:55my lord.

45:56I am not yet

45:57conveniently dead.

45:58I am glad to be

45:59here.

46:00I am very glad

46:00to see your

46:01lordship.

46:02The case of

46:03the king against

46:04William Holm,

46:06bookseller and

46:07publisher, for

46:08publishing an

46:08irreligious and

46:09profane libel on

46:10that part of the

46:11divine service of

46:12the Church of

46:13England denominated

46:14the Athanasian

46:15Creed.

46:16Would the

46:16Attorney General

46:17state the

46:17prosecution's case?

46:18Thank you, my

46:19lord.

46:20As members of

46:21the jury will

46:22know, as devout

46:23Christians, the

46:25Athanasian Creed

46:26states our sacred

46:27belief in the

46:28Holy Trinity, the

46:29Father, Son, and

46:31Holy Ghost.

46:32In Mr. Holm's

46:34Synecurist's Creed,

46:36these divine elements

46:37of the Godhead become

46:38vulgar nicknames of

46:40Mr. Holm's targets

46:42of ridicule, the

46:43Lord Chancellor, the

46:44Foreign Secretary, and

46:45Lord Sidmouth, who

46:47he calls Old

46:49Bags, Derry-down

46:50Triangle, and the

46:52Doctor.

46:53As he writes in his

46:55disgraceful parody,

46:57Glory be to Old

46:58Bags, Derry-down

47:00Triangle, and to the

47:01Doctor, as it was in

47:03the beginning, is now,

47:05and ever shall be,

47:06without end.

47:08Amen.

47:09Amen.

47:10Amen.

47:10Does anyone

47:12understand the origin

47:14of these infantile

47:15subricades?

47:16We do!

47:17I think it'd better

47:18not to further Mr.

47:19Holm's libels by

47:20giving them the

47:21dignity of an

47:22explanation.

47:23I'll be the

47:23judge of that.

47:25Old Bags refers to

47:26the Chancellor's

47:27family money, which

47:28comes from coal mines.

47:30Derry-down

47:30Triangle is a

47:31reference to Lord

47:32Castlereagh's

47:33alleged instrument of

47:34torture used in

47:35Ireland, and the

47:37Doctor refers to

47:38Lord Sidmouth's

47:39father, who ran a

47:40madhouse, which

47:41would no doubt

47:42give Mr. Hone the

47:43opportunity to

47:44coin witticisms

47:45about the Home

47:45Secretary, also

47:47radical asylum for

47:48the insane.

47:49Very good.

47:52Sir Samuel is

47:53quite right.

47:53We need not

47:54further waste the

47:54court's time with

47:55this childish

47:56fold-a-roll.

47:57Mr. Hone, how

47:59do you answer the

48:00Attorney General's

48:00charges against you?

48:02I shall make it

48:03clear.

48:03And I shall not

48:03allow you to

48:04repeat your

48:04defence of

48:05literary precedent.

48:06Your Lordship,

48:07I sustained an

48:08injury from you

48:08yesterday.

48:09When your

48:10Lordship interrupted

48:11me a great many

48:12times, and then

48:13said you would

48:13interrupt me no

48:14more, and then

48:15your Lordship did

48:16interrupt me ten

48:17times as much as

48:18you've done before.

48:19And, Mr. Hone, I

48:21cannot sit here and

48:22be attacked.

48:22Your Lordship is

48:23interrupting me

48:23again!

48:29Very well.

48:30You shall not be

48:31interrupted again,

48:32and the jury can

48:33make what they will

48:33of your relentless,

48:35irrelevant, and

48:36unconvincing

48:37historical lecture.

48:40I shall turn now

48:42to the work of

48:43Sir Walter Scott,

48:44who, in his work,

48:45The Tales of My

48:46Landlord...

48:47And here we see

48:52the celebrated

48:53artist, Mr. Fusely,

48:55parodying the Lord

48:56Mayor as a

48:57Nightmare.

48:59A somewhat

49:00laboured pun,

49:01but effective in

49:02demonstrating once

49:03again how...

49:04Mr. Hone, I have

49:06been a model of

49:07restraint, but you

49:08have now been on

49:09your feet for some

49:10eight hours, and

49:11appear to have

49:12quoted every parody

49:13you quoted yesterday,

49:14and many, many more

49:16besides.

49:17I must insist that

49:18you reach a

49:19conclusion.

49:21My conclusion,

49:22your Lordship, is

49:23that there is an

49:24old saying, that

49:25experience makes

49:26fools wise.

49:28Yet, if there was

49:29any truth in the

49:30proverb, I would not

49:31be in court for

49:32the third time after

49:34twice being acquitted

49:35on similar charges.

49:37Gentlemen of the

49:38jury, I look to

49:39you for rescue from

49:41this bigoted

49:41prosecution.

49:43Upon my conscience,

49:44I had no more

49:45intention of ridiculing

49:46St. Athanasius'

49:47creed than I have

49:48of murdering my

49:50wife and children

49:50when I get home.

49:52The prosecution

49:53called the creed

49:53sacred, but some

49:55historians have

49:56argued that it was

49:57not written by

49:58St. Athanasius at

49:59all, but it was

50:00in fact a parody

50:02of his creed

50:03written by someone

50:04four centuries

50:05later.

50:06Furthermore, many

50:07distinguished clergymen

50:09in recent times

50:10have doubted the

50:11very authenticity

50:11and sanctity of

50:13the creed and

50:13wish to be rid of

50:14it.

50:15Which clergyman?

50:16You must name

50:16names, Mr. Hone.

50:18Very well.

50:19Shall I start with

50:20the late Bishop of

50:21Carlisle, who you

50:23may know better as

50:23the father of

50:24Lord Edinburgh?

50:26My father has

50:28many a year hence

50:29gone to a place

50:29where he has to

50:30account for his

50:31opinions.

50:31Yet did he not

50:32believe the creed

50:33to be apocryphal?

50:34Over common

50:34decency, Mr. Hone,

50:35please forbear.

50:36My lord, I

50:37certainly shall.

50:38I shall not

50:39mention your

50:39father, the

50:40Bishop of

50:40Carlisle, and

50:41his unorthodox

50:41views again.

50:42I shall display

50:44Christian forbearers,

50:45despite the absence

50:46of this quality in

50:47my accusers, and

50:48I will say this.

50:51Unlike many others,

50:52I have never

50:53written or printed

50:54what I did not

50:55think right or

50:56true.

50:57I have always

50:58acted for the

50:59public good,

51:00without regard to

51:01what other men

51:01did, however

51:02exalted their

51:03rank.

51:04The consciousness

51:05of my innocence

51:06gives me life,

51:08spirit, and

51:09strength to go

51:10through this

51:10third ordeal of

51:12persecution and

51:13oppression.

51:14Gentlemen of the

51:15jury, the powers

51:16that be, thought

51:17a poor, oppressed

51:19man could not

51:20stand three days

51:21in court.

51:22They thought

51:23that their

51:24united force

51:25would crush

51:25me like an

51:26insect, but

51:27two juries

51:29of cool, honest

51:30Englishmen have

51:32already acquitted

51:32me, and I

51:34have no doubt

51:34that you two,

51:36gentlemen of the

51:37jury, will send

51:38me home to

51:39dine on Sunday

51:40with my wife

51:41and children!

51:42The jury has

51:50returned, my

51:51lord.

51:52They've only been

51:53out for 20

51:53minutes.

51:54Perhaps my last

51:5520 minutes of

51:55liberty.

51:56The last 20

51:57minutes of

51:57liberty for us

51:59all.

52:00Foreman, have

52:01you reached a

52:02verdict?

52:03We have.

52:05Is the

52:05defendant, Mr.

52:06William Holm,

52:07guilty or not

52:09guilty?

52:10Not guilty.

52:11Make way for

52:20the victor!

52:21Make way for

52:22the great

52:23William Holm,

52:25the colossus of

52:26the torts, the

52:27Lysander of

52:29liberty!

52:29Really, George?

52:31You are prone to

52:31exaggeration.

52:33Of course I

52:34am.

52:35I'm a

52:35caricaturist.

52:36Bazaar,

52:37bazaar,

52:38bazaar,

52:40our majestic

52:41his law,

52:42how he smells

52:42and looks big,

52:44how tremendous

52:44his prowl and

52:45how awful his

52:47ring,

52:47but the three

52:48honest stories

52:49do not give a

52:50fee,

52:51what a frown of

52:52the judge and

52:53his awful big

52:54wing,

52:54but the three

52:56honest stories.

52:57huzzah,

52:59huzzah, huzzah,

53:00huzzah, huzzah!

53:02This, William,

53:04is a momentous

53:05and historic

53:07day in the

53:07long, noble

53:08struggle for

53:09freedom,

53:10and I suggest

53:11we mark it

53:11appropriately

53:12by getting

53:13knobheadingly

53:14tap-hackled,

53:15jug-bitten

53:16and ap-drug

53:17as a wheelbarrow.

53:19William? William? Has anyone seen William Hone? William!

53:37Sir, forgive me. I've been instructed by my editor to report on this funeral.

53:42Can you tell me something of the deceased?

53:44We are mourning the death of William Hone.

53:47Who?

53:48William Hone. Publisher, satirist, campaigner for universal suffrage, investigative reporter, inspector of asylums, philanthropist...

53:56Please, sir, you're going too fast. I can't get it all down.

53:58Shall I write it for you?

54:00Hone was probably the most important man in the annals of press freedom. You must have heard of his trials.

54:06When were they, sir?

54:07Some 25 years ago.

54:09Ah, before I was born. No wonder I've never heard of him.

54:13Ah, the ignorance of youth.

54:15Hone had his moment, but obscurity beckoned.

54:19Is there anyone famous attending?

54:20See the red-faced man over there, looking preposterous in black?

54:25That's the great artist George Cruikshank.

54:28Really?

54:29Once he was a ferocious and acerbic cartoonist.

54:33Of course, that was before he accepted a handsome pension from the late king.

54:38I don't understand, sir.

54:39Such is life.

54:40But old Cruikshank can still raise a laugh.

54:44Don't you think his unruly whiskers give him the appearance of a bedraggled bird's nest?

54:49Yes, they do.

54:51Did he know Mr. Hone well?

54:52They were the greatest of friends.

54:55He looks sober enough now.

54:58Cruikshank sponged off poor old Hone shamelessly in his drinking and whoring days.

55:02What's that, sir?

55:03I was talking of your thinking and drawing days, George.

55:07Sadly long past.

55:08Height of my powers, sir.

55:11A wretched day, George, is it not?

55:13It is.

55:14So why are you smirking?

55:15I was merely remembering how much Hone made us laugh and how he finished off old Ellenborough at the trial.

55:24Yes, he never sat as a judge again.

55:27Died within the year.

55:29Nobody mourned him.

55:31Mr. Cruikshank, how will you remember Mr. Hone?

55:35I regret to say that due to my past lack of temperance regarding the demon drink,

55:40I cannot remember all the detail of our time together.

55:43But I do know that William Hone was the bravest champion in our hour of need.

55:51Can I quote you on that, sir?

55:52Of course you can.

55:54You owe your liberty to report the truth unfettered to Hone's noble stand against the might of a corrupt government.

56:02Come, George.

56:04It is time to pay our last respects.

56:06Sir, before you go, your name, sir?

56:10Dickens.

56:11Charles Dickens.

56:13Good day.

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