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  • 6/7/2025
#CinemaJourney
#Celebrity
#Gogglebox
Transcript
00:00You know, the one thing about chilling out like this watching telly is
00:06I can't believe you're doing it in a pair of jeans on the couch.
00:10I can't sit like that all night.
00:11This is me.
00:13I have to be comfy, pal.
00:14I've got to let everything...
00:15I know, I know what I mean.
00:16I've got to let the old...
00:17Yeah.
00:18Breathe.
00:18Do you not get, like...
00:20I do.
00:21I'm on edge.
00:22Because of them.
00:23I know, but the last time you and I sat in front of a telly in our undies,
00:26it was a completely different night, Patrick.
00:28So I didn't want to go back there.
00:30Do you know what I mean?
00:31Rolling back the ears.
00:32We don't need any more flashbacks.
00:33No, we don't.
00:36Ah!
00:37What?
00:38I'm so happy for you.
00:39Woo!
00:39I feel bad even saying it, but you're not fluking it.
00:43Not even black people come that late, boy.
00:46Ah!
00:47Oh, no.
00:49Little tash, you know, that lot.
00:51Curly air.
00:51Looks like a scouser.
00:52Yeah.
00:53Ah!
00:55It's the first time I've been furious at carbohydrates.
00:58Oh!
00:58Why is she dressed as a pilgrim father?
01:01She's a United fan.
01:03Oh, I've gone right off her.
01:04There you go.
01:05In the week Noel got the tube to start rehearsals with Liam, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:12There was edge-of-your-seat drama on Britain's Canal Network.
01:16Whoa!
01:16That's my camera bashing into a low bridge.
01:21I don't think I could think of anything more peaceful than a little narrowboat.
01:28I'd love that.
01:29Look, I'm not a yacht person.
01:30No.
01:31Don't be near with lobster and stuff like that and living the life in sunglasses.
01:34It's just, it's not for me.
01:35That sounds like jealousy creeping through.
01:38I don't want that anyway.
01:39Donald ushered Elon out of the White House with a parting gift on ITV News.
01:45He was given this golden goodbye.
01:48Thank you, Elon.
01:49Take care of yourself.
01:52Oh, what a load of rubbish, really.
01:56Where's he going to put that key?
01:58Um, well, maybe he'll let little ex play with it and whack him in the head again.
02:04Give him another black eye.
02:05I don't know why I'd like to shove it.
02:08And Big Zoo was picking the poshest thing on the menu on Sky.
02:12We've got to see how these people live.
02:14Hello.
02:15And what they eat.
02:17Do you have jack of potatoes?
02:18We put caviar on it.
02:20Wow.
02:21You know what I love?
02:22Cheap trifle.
02:24Oh.
02:26Cream.
02:26Come on.
02:27Hundreds and thousands.
02:28Custard.
02:29Jelly.
02:30Couple of lady fingers in the bottom.
02:31Matron.
02:32But it's my favourite.
02:33Come on.
02:33I love it.
02:35In fact, if I get a posh one where it's all fruits and Madagascan, I'm like, shite.
02:40Give me the cheap stuff.
02:48In West London.
02:50Is it biscuit time?
02:51It is biscuit time.
02:53Where are you going?
02:53What kind of mood are you in?
02:54Because you know, like, I love custard creams, but I just feel at the moment I'm more leaning
02:59on the side of a bourbon.
03:00I'm more of a bourbon.
03:02Alex and her girlfriend, Jess.
03:05Back in the day when you're thinking about if you wanted a fancy biscuit, like, bourbon
03:09or custard cream wouldn't make the list.
03:11No.
03:12Exactly.
03:12It's not a hobnob.
03:14That's what I'm saying.
03:14Yeah.
03:15I hear you.
03:16Oh, my gosh.
03:16You love a custard cream more and I love a bourbon more.
03:20What are you saying?
03:23Hello there.
03:25This one we got on so well.
03:27It's me and you.
03:27On Saturday night, we were back on the bridge with Ross Kemp on BBC One.
03:35Oh, I love this.
03:36I love a quiz.
03:37Get Bridget Lies on.
03:38The one with Ross Kemp.
03:39Get Bridget Lies on.
03:39We love Ross Kemp.
03:40This one, you can shout at them because they often go for the road and go, no.
03:44No.
03:45Stop it.
03:46The other way.
03:47I think my general knowledge is orky.
03:50You're, do you know what?
03:51You're incredibly smart.
03:52Surprisingly intelligent.
03:53Yeah, you hide it so well.
03:55Welcome to Celebrity Bridge of Life, where every step counts.
04:00This is it.
04:01All right.
04:02Let's see.
04:03Come on, then.
04:03Who takes the Bolton Brains bragging rights?
04:08Rachel.
04:09Hello.
04:10Oh, I like Rachel.
04:11I like Rachel Riley.
04:12She should be good, Rachel Riley, because she's, like, good with maths.
04:15Mm.
04:16Words as well.
04:17Yeah.
04:17Yeah, man.
04:18Something about Rachel Riley, I don't know what it is.
04:21Like, you know when you have a...
04:22I know what it is.
04:23You're, like, a celebrity crush.
04:25What, you're not supposed to have?
04:26She's a United fan.
04:28Oh, I've gone right off her.
04:29There you go.
04:30Bridge, please reveal the final category.
04:34I like him.
04:34He's a good geezer, him.
04:36He's a good geezer.
04:37He's very eyebrow-y, isn't he, Ross Kemp?
04:38Yeah.
04:39That moves his eyebrows up.
04:40Because he's got a bald head.
04:41If he had a bit of hair, you wouldn't have noticed it.
04:43I think more people think Ross Kemp is my dad than you.
04:48Everybody.
04:49Names.
04:51Names.
04:51I'm great with names.
04:53Are you good with names?
04:53Names of...
04:55Anything?
04:55Yeah, I'm good with names.
04:56No, I'm not.
04:57I'm not good with names.
04:57I'm good with faces, not names.
04:58Yeah, I'm the same.
04:59Bridge, what are we looking for?
05:03Foodie names.
05:04Food.
05:05Foodie names.
05:06Like, what does that mean?
05:07You've just got to find a name that's got food in it.
05:12Right.
05:13That's not easy.
05:14We're going to need examples, Denise, then we'll get it.
05:16Rachel, we are looking for real or fictional people with names that include food.
05:23Oh.
05:24Oh.
05:25Kath.
05:25Yeah, Kath.
05:26Kath.
05:27Café, yeah.
05:28Um, Sean Bean.
05:29All right, yeah, macaroon, you know, macaroon.
05:32Oh, no.
05:33That's macron.
05:34Oh, yeah, it was macaroon.
05:36Stephen Fry Chicken.
05:37Stephen Fry Chicken, yeah, okay, that works.
05:40Your five minutes starts now.
05:45The Apprentice Host.
05:46Alan Sugar, that's real.
05:47Yeah, that's real.
05:48And Fred Astaire's famous dance partner.
05:50Ginger Rogers.
05:51Ah, well done.
05:52Fred Astaire's famous dance partner.
05:53Tina Fey's 30 Rock character.
05:56Lemon.
05:57Liz Lemon.
05:58There you go, Larry Lamb.
05:59Played Archie Mitchell in Extenders.
06:02Channel 4 Bake Off Judge with Paul Hollywood.
06:05Mary Berry.
06:06Mary Berry.
06:07Prue Leaf.
06:08Yeah, that's not food, is it?
06:08Yeah, Leaf.
06:09Yeah, you eat a leaf.
06:10Salad.
06:11It's a leaf.
06:11You don't eat any salad.
06:13Oh, yeah.
06:13All right, fine.
06:13Yeah, lettuce.
06:14Lettuce Leaf.
06:15No, it's Prue Leath.
06:16Leaf.
06:17No, her name.
06:18Yeah, Salad Leaf.
06:18No, her name is Leather.
06:20All right, Salad Leaf.
06:21No.
06:21Played Archie Mitchell.
06:24Mary Berry.
06:25No, it's not.
06:26It is Mary Berry.
06:27Not anymore.
06:28No, but I'd argue that with Ross.
06:30I'd go, hey, hang on a minute.
06:31You want to argue with Ross?
06:32Yeah, that's true, isn't it?
06:32You go, oh, fair enough.
06:33Yeah.
06:34Then opens up rapper Sean Corey Carter.
06:38Sean Carter is not food.
06:40No.
06:40That's Jay-Z.
06:41Yeah, that's Jay-Z.
06:42Well done with your rap knowledge.
06:45Then opens up Treasure Hunt host named Annika.
06:48Annika Rice.
06:49Rice, Rice, Rice, Rice, Rice.
06:51Who's the Lance Corporal in Pike.
06:53Pike, Pike, Pike.
06:53Pike.
06:54You're at four minutes.
06:55You're nearly halfway across, so take a breath.
06:58Why is she dressed as a pilgrim father?
07:00Buffalo Stance singer.
07:01Nina Cherry.
07:03Cherry.
07:03No.
07:04Oh, she, she, she, she, she, fucking, I know her.
07:08Wow.
07:08Me, Cherry, me, Mariah, Cherry, me, I, Chet, me, I, Mariah.
07:14I'm just going to try and go forwards, because I can't, I've got no logic to use.
07:18Yes, you've got it.
07:19You've got it, Naina Cherry.
07:19Naina Cherry, yeah, stay there.
07:21Stay there, Rach.
07:22Well, Naina, Naina, Nina's not a food.
07:26Truth or lie.
07:27No, you're wrong, mate.
07:29That is a truth.
07:30What?
07:31That's Naina Cherry.
07:32Cherry.
07:33Fucking hell of, fuck, I know, I know her.
07:36Okay, you've halved your money, you're down to 1,600.
07:40Nothing else will open up.
07:41He takes away half, just like that.
07:43Oh, he is, always was, a robbing fuck.
07:47Soft cells keyboard player.
07:49He's soft cells.
07:50Oh, Mark, Mark.
07:52Armand.
07:52Armand.
07:53Armand.
07:54Mark Armand.
07:55Mark Armand.
07:55Yeah.
07:56Mark Almond.
07:56Almond!
07:58North, North, North, North, North.
07:59This is where they've triggered.
08:01The keyboard player.
08:02Oh, I don't know.
08:03You know what, I'm going to go here, and then at least I've got two of it.
08:06No!
08:07Yeah, she's going to go there, to Mark Armand.
08:09No, she's not, she wants to go to Patricia.
08:10Oh, no, go to Mark Armand.
08:11Mark Armand.
08:12Mark Armand.
08:12I'm going to go for this one.
08:14Wrong, wrong, wrong.
08:15Oh, no!
08:18That is the truth.
08:19Oh, it's right.
08:20Yes.
08:21Right, she's nearly the other girl.
08:23That opens up Bond girl, played by Ursula Andres.
08:26That's the one where she comes out the water.
08:28Pussy galore.
08:29Oh, no, it's not pussy galore.
08:30I was going to say.
08:31Food, I was going to...
08:32Let's leave it.
08:35I don't want to say anything bad about what I would...
08:37Food item.
08:38She's panicking.
08:39It's not this stressful on Countdown, is it?
08:41Soft sell.
08:42Now go Mark Armand.
08:44Mark Armand.
08:45That crack and flies back.
08:46Fucking hell.
08:47No, I won't.
08:48Just keep them on it.
08:49One minute from me.
08:50So, that's probably Jason Orange.
08:52No, it's not.
08:52It's not Jason Orange.
08:54No, go for soft sell.
08:55Robbie Williams is the youngest.
08:56Don't do that.
08:57Don't want to half your money.
08:58Youngest original take that was Robbie Williams.
09:00Yeah, see?
09:01That's what she said.
09:02Yes, Rachel.
09:04Good girl, Rachel.
09:05Phew.
09:06Everyone at home is shouting at me.
09:07Shall I go soft sell?
09:09No.
09:10Don't go soft sell, mate.
09:12Don't go soft sell, no.
09:14Because I can't remember his name.
09:15Little Tash and all that lot.
09:17Curly air.
09:17Looks like a scouser.
09:18Yeah.
09:19I'm going to go soft sell.
09:21No.
09:21What are you doing?
09:23No.
09:23No.
09:24Truth or lie?
09:26Lie.
09:26Oh, my goodness.
09:28It's a lie.
09:29Oh, it ain't Mark Armand.
09:31Oh, blue is it?
09:32I ain't Mark Armand.
09:33Seriously, show it.
09:34Let me see who it was.
09:36Truth or lie?
09:38It is a truth.
09:41Honey Rider.
09:42Honey Rider.
09:44Honey Rider, of course.
09:45That was sweet.
09:46So, he was in it, Mark Armand.
09:48Mark Armand's in soft sell, but he weren't...
09:49Weren't the keyboard player.
09:51Oh, whatever.
09:51Whatever, the drummer, or whatever the hell.
09:53Oh.
09:54Oh, what a fucking nightmare that was.
10:03In Essex.
10:05I think I might have made a mistake, footwear-wise.
10:07Mm-hmm.
10:08Not for shoes, but for my socks.
10:09Look.
10:10Why are they so holey?
10:10Yeah, like, they're kind of see-through.
10:13Best mates Jordan and Perry.
10:15You've got real dancers' feet, man.
10:18Okay, you're also a dancer.
10:19Yeah, but you've got, like, extra knuckles on your toes.
10:21Do you know what I mean?
10:22Like, you've got that.
10:22And it's not a problem, but they are...
10:24Okay, well, out of the two of us, who actually has athlete's foot?
10:27You.
10:28So.
10:29Who's...
10:30Who's laughing now?
10:31Should get that cleared up, man.
10:34Get some ointment or something.
10:37On Tuesday night, we were taking on another big boating adventure with this.
10:43Quick, hurry up.
10:44What?
10:44Because we're going to miss canal boat dollars.
10:46So you don't change the channel.
10:48Have you been on a canal boat?
10:50Yeah, bro.
10:50Slept on one.
10:51Really?
10:52Horrible experience.
10:55I'm Robbie Cumming.
10:58That's me.
10:59Hello.
11:00That's him.
11:00I've watched this before.
11:01I love him.
11:02You know what?
11:02I think Robbie's now become one of me heroes.
11:05And this is my narrowboat home.
11:08The naughty lass.
11:09The naughty lass.
11:10Hello.
11:11I like that.
11:12I like that.
11:13Naughty lass.
11:14Double entendre.
11:15Come on.
11:15Come on.
11:16I learned that word recently, you know.
11:17Really?
11:19I've been waiting to use it, boy.
11:22For a decade, I've been exploring our rivers and canals.
11:25So does he actually live on the boat?
11:28Yeah, I think he does.
11:30Lovely start to the morning.
11:31He just had his hands in the naughty lass's gearbox, then.
11:35And can you show that on the cellar?
11:38This time, I'm tackling the Basingstoke Canal.
11:41The Basingstoke Canal.
11:44Don't want to throw shade at anyone here.
11:46Doesn't sound amazing.
11:49So, jump on board for my canal boat diaries.
11:58Do you reckon by lock three, it's a bit boring?
12:00I think it's...
12:01Like, the first one's quite fun.
12:03Second one, you get the end of it, and then you're like,
12:05Oh, this again.
12:05Novelty's worn off.
12:06Yeah.
12:07This trip is likely to be a bit of a challenge for me.
12:11Go on.
12:11The Basingstoke Canal is notorious for weed.
12:16Basingstoke Canal's notorious for weed.
12:18It is.
12:19Always, always was.
12:20Always was, yeah.
12:20Always was, mate.
12:21Weed?
12:22Weed.
12:22What?
12:23Weed, weed.
12:24Oh.
12:25Getting caught on the propeller.
12:26Oh, no, weeds.
12:28Oh, weeds.
12:29I thought you meant weed.
12:30No.
12:30Although it's somewhere I'm really looking forward to exploring,
12:33there is a side of me that's thinking,
12:35can I actually make it to the end?
12:37I don't know.
12:38Oh, shit.
12:38There's the jeopardy.
12:39Robbie, don't be mad.
12:40Turn back.
12:42It's the Basingstoke Canal.
12:43As soon as I enter it, there's a massive raft of weeds.
12:48Oh.
12:49He's got to get through those weeds.
12:50Yeah.
12:50And what we know, the Basingstoke Canal is notorious for them, Denise.
12:55Here we go.
12:57I love you.
12:58Go on.
12:59Thankfully, that weed wasn't a worry.
13:02Oh, thank God for that.
13:03That's it.
13:04I'm so happy for you.
13:05Woo!
13:06Right.
13:07Another early morning, and I just need to make myself some breakfast before I set off.
13:12Oh, what's he going to have?
13:13This is going to be interesting.
13:16What's he got?
13:17Looking at my supplies here of my homemade muesli.
13:22That needs to be topped up.
13:24Oh, there's nothing like watching someone make their own muesli.
13:28I'll tell you what, mate.
13:28I don't know.
13:29That's it.
13:30Life in the fast lane.
13:32Add some more oats.
13:33Some seeds.
13:35Dried fruit.
13:37That's not breakfast.
13:38No.
13:39And I usually put in some kind of naughty, sugary cereal, so I've got some hoops.
13:44Hang on.
13:45He's chucked some Cheerios in there.
13:47Yeah.
13:47That's not healthy.
13:48Oh, he's the most wholesome but boring man I've ever...
13:52And guys, no one's said anything but Frosted Truddies.
13:57It's like, ooh!
13:58Oh, I feel sorry for him now.
14:04Why?
14:04I don't know.
14:06Look at him.
14:07Look at his little hat.
14:08It's so patronising.
14:09Look at his little hat.
14:10He's coming into fleet.
14:14Oh, he's coming into fleet now.
14:16Oh, I've just seen possibly the lowest bridge that I've ever come across.
14:22Oh.
14:22Oh, no.
14:26This is the highlight of his day.
14:28This is hilarious.
14:33That's going to be tricky.
14:36I think it's stuck.
14:37I think the boat gets stuck.
14:37Oh, if it does, it'll liven it the fuck up.
14:40Yeah.
14:42Oh!
14:43No!
14:44Robbie!
14:45I think there might have been some breakage.
14:48Oh, shit.
14:49He's going to be stuck.
14:50This is what we've tuned in for.
14:53The boat is basically wedged underneath this bridge.
14:55Why did he go that far in?
14:58I don't know what I'm going to do.
14:59And they thought the weed was going to be the problem.
15:02Common sense.
15:04Like, why did he not think, oh, I'm not getting under there?
15:08Take all the stuff off.
15:09He's worried about all his energies on knocking up his own muesli.
15:11Yeah.
15:12I have to call my friend Jamie.
15:13He lives locally with his family.
15:15And he helped me the other day, so I'm hoping he can help me again.
15:19Unless he's fucking Superman or something.
15:23What do you want?
15:24I imagine turning up to that and going, what the fuck?
15:26What do you want me to do?
15:27Yeah, why have you called me?
15:28Well, because you're a mate and I know you live local.
15:31You know, I work in an office.
15:33He came down, jumped on the front of the boat, adding a bit more weight.
15:39He jumped way out?
15:41Does he?
15:42That gave us just enough room, with Jamie on the front, to get the boat underneath the bridge.
15:47Wow.
15:48And he's through.
15:49Oh, thank God.
15:50That was real.
15:51That was touch and go, then.
15:53Thanks for rescuing me.
15:55Thanks, Jamie.
15:56See you.
15:56Is this actually a show?
15:58Yeah.
15:58I'll be honest with you, he's not done a good job of showing you how good a life could be on a little narrowboat.
16:04No, what he has done is show you what it's really like.
16:07No.
16:07He has, you need to eat food out of boxes, you get stuck under oranges.
16:11You know the way television works.
16:13It was all X-factored and made to look more interesting than what it was.
16:18That was more interesting?
16:19Yes.
16:20In South London.
16:24How's your pizza oven?
16:25I ain't used it yet.
16:26What?
16:27This time I'm going to use it.
16:28Good friends Mo and Baba Tunday.
16:31Have you ever made a pizza before?
16:33Yeah, when I was in like food tech in school.
16:35Food tech?
16:35Oh, but did you buy the pizza base or did you make it?
16:39No, so we would make like actual pizza base.
16:42I ain't doing that though.
16:44No?
16:44I'm just going to get some pizzas.
16:46Like Chicago Towns and just chuck them in the pizza oven.
16:49I ain't got time for that, bro.
16:53Who's doing that, man?
16:55I think my name is Papa John or something, bro.
16:58Oh my God, I nearly choked.
16:59No, bro.
17:00Don't do that, man.
17:01You can't.
17:02Yeah, bro.
17:02I ain't got time for that, bro.
17:04You're going to cook frozen pizzas in the pizza oven.
17:07Yeah, Baba's doing it outside, innit?
17:11On Tuesday night, another punter was pretending to be someone they're not on Channel 5.
17:17Oh, I loved it.
17:18Do you remember faking it?
17:19Yeah.
17:20I used to love faking it.
17:21I imagine we'd be quite good at this because we've both winged careers for the past 15 years.
17:25Oh, yeah, I'm robbing a living name here.
17:27Oh, tell me about it.
17:29Craig Murphy is 34 years old, born and raised in the Highlands of Scotland.
17:34Little dins like me.
17:35He runs his own painting and decorating company.
17:38Wait, he wears a decorating kilt?
17:39I love that he wears a decorating kilt.
17:41You don't want to see him up a ladder?
17:42No.
17:43He's going to be leaving his family behind and stepping into London's glitzy world of fashion makeup.
17:50I think if you're good at painting, it's similar.
17:54It depends if he's a good painter and decorator.
17:56Yeah.
17:57Because a lot of them aren't.
17:58Hello, buddy.
18:01I'm going to have to have some cheese.
18:03Would you do my makeup?
18:04All you've got to do with faking it, really, I think, is learn the lingo.
18:07I think you've mentioned cheekbones a bit and blusher.
18:11Let's lift them up a bit.
18:12Yeah.
18:13Blusher, lip liner.
18:15Yeah, lip liner.
18:16But exactly the same as a skirting board.
18:19First things first, does Craig even know what's in the bottles?
18:24What is this?
18:25No idea.
18:26This Craig guy, he's like, what's in this?
18:27He's like, make-up.
18:29Yeah.
18:30What about this?
18:31Mascara.
18:32Mascara.
18:34Blusher.
18:34Oh, he ain't got a clue.
18:35Oh, it's going to be a long day, Craig.
18:38What about this?
18:40Blusher.
18:40Bronzer.
18:41Oh, just tell him.
18:42Don't ask him the question.
18:43Just tell him.
18:44What's the point of a quiz for a man who's never been in a makeup shop?
18:48What's the point?
18:49What's this?
18:49Another box.
18:50Yes.
18:51Howard wants him to apply makeup on a real model, so he can see how he gets on.
18:55Here we go.
18:56Oh, he's so nervous.
18:57Look at him.
18:57Get in there.
18:58Chucked in at the deep end.
18:59Yeah, but he's got good people around him, so let's see.
19:02You need more than good people around you.
19:04Let's see.
19:05Oh, come on, Craig.
19:11I don't know who I'm more nervous for, Craig or the girl.
19:14Yeah.
19:16Oh, God.
19:17I'm shaking.
19:18He's holding it like a paintbrush, isn't he?
19:21Yeah.
19:22Could you open your eyes, please?
19:25Oh, God.
19:27Oh, my God!
19:30Fuck me, it's Alice Cooper.
19:31But hang on.
19:33It's his first attempt.
19:34He's got four weeks.
19:35Yeah, he's got four weeks.
19:36I feel like Howard and I can do a few extra tweaks to your appearance.
19:41Oh, the mere cover.
19:42The mere cover.
19:42So I'm just working the bleach.
19:46Oh, no.
19:47I knew it.
19:48I knew.
19:49Straight for the eyebrows.
19:50We're going to give you a tash because I think tash is a cult.
19:53Wait, he's just going to make him look like him.
19:54No, don't shave his wee ginger beard.
20:01I like his beard.
20:02Don't get rid of that.
20:04Just dye it.
20:05It's different.
20:05Yeah.
20:06See, different is good.
20:09He hates it.
20:11Of course he does.
20:12I used to have a tash like that, you know, it curls up at the end.
20:14Do you know the best thing to use?
20:15Because wax.
20:16The problem with wax is it starts to drop.
20:19So the trick is to use Pritt stick.
20:21No.
20:21Yeah, because it dries hard, it doesn't drop, and it washes out easy.
20:25So you used to Pritt stick your tash?
20:26I used to Pritt stick my tash.
20:28After being rebranded as Murphy the Make-Up Artist,
20:31painter and decorator Craig had to convince the judges he was the real deal.
20:36He's competing against three make-up artists
20:38who have over ten years of experience between them.
20:41None of whom have a moustache.
20:43In the next hour, the four make-up artists
20:46will need to complete their punk couture look.
20:48What is punk couture like?
20:49I don't know.
20:50We've got three judges in there.
20:51That's intense, man.
20:54Next, it's the eyes.
20:55Oh, the eyeliner.
20:56No, no, no, wait.
20:57Who are you going?
20:57Eyeliner.
20:58This was where he messed up before.
20:59But can Craig keep his nerves at bay?
21:01Come on, Craig.
21:03Shaking a bit, though, isn't it?
21:05Okay.
21:06No, saying that, you've done it.
21:08Okay, mate, you'll be more confident, Craig.
21:11You've got bleached eyebrows.
21:12So, talk us through your lip.
21:14What are you creating here?
21:16Oh, here we go.
21:17Come on, this is where you've got to blag it, Murphy.
21:19This is where you've got to blag it.
21:20Talk it, talk it.
21:22I'm going to have a messy eye.
21:24That will be the punky part.
21:26He's learned the bullshit.
21:27Yeah.
21:27Just a little bit of product on the skin.
21:29Product is good.
21:30Would you like some product?
21:31Do you want some product?
21:32I've got some free product for you.
21:34Do you want some product?
21:35Not just the lashes.
21:37Just so it looks like there's...
21:38She knows.
21:39Yeah, he knows.
21:41Oh, I think he's trying really hard.
21:43Perfect.
21:44But I don't think MD's convinced.
21:46I don't think MD's buying it, Craig.
21:48So, it feels very 1980s, I think.
21:50He's got, like, the lip and the strong eyes.
21:52That feels, like, very 1980s punk.
21:53I'll tell you what, though.
21:55He's ain't bad.
21:56He's doing a great job, hasn't he?
21:58The lip and the eye are really quite strong.
22:02No!
22:03He's looks all right.
22:04It does!
22:04I'm looking for a glam and gore.
22:06There's one make-up artist up there
22:08who's only had four weeks of training.
22:11Wow.
22:11So, they didn't know.
22:13Oh, we thought that she clocked.
22:14Oh, mate.
22:15I think the MUA who probably had
22:17the least amount of experience
22:18was probably Becky.
22:20Yes!
22:21It's not Becky!
22:22Oh, my gosh!
22:22Oh.
22:23That's one down.
22:24Come on, one more.
22:25So, they've already got one in the bag.
22:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:26Come on, Craig.
22:27You just need one more.
22:28Maybe the person that's been doing make-up
22:30for four weeks.
22:31Come on.
22:32This is the decider!
22:33Becky, maybe?
22:35Yes!
22:36Yes!
22:36Yes!
22:37Oh, leave the radiators behind some.
22:39You've transcended.
22:41What would be your make-up name?
22:43Fernando.
22:45Why Fernando?
22:46I just feel like it sounds like,
22:48who's done your make-up?
22:49Fernando.
22:50Oh, yeah.
22:50Like, it was, like, zesty, isn't it?
22:52You've got to have a sexy name.
22:54Mine would be Teresa.
22:55Oh!
22:55Teresa.
22:58Who's done your name?
22:59Teresa.
23:00Teresa.
23:04In Cheshire.
23:14Have you ever, like, when me and you were talking,
23:17Warfrumpel.
23:18Right.
23:18I think we sound all right,
23:19but have you ever heard yourself back on Tally and gone,
23:21Jesus.
23:23Oh!
23:23Good mates Paddy and Vernon.
23:26It's next level, isn't it?
23:27There's one-
23:28Hello there!
23:29Hello.
23:30Yeah.
23:30There's one clip that just sends a shiver down my spine.
23:34I only did it once.
23:35I did Top of the Pops,
23:35and I always wanted to do Top of the Pops,
23:37and I did Top of the Pops,
23:38and the opening link,
23:40Hey, Mum,
23:40let's pray and record on video.
23:43I'm actually hosting Top of Pops.
23:45Oh, yeah.
23:47Yeah.
23:48Oh, it's so broad.
23:50To be fair, though,
23:51it's not the worst thing that's ever happened
23:52on Top of the Pops over the years.
23:54Yeah.
23:54On Wednesday night,
23:59there are only four globe-trotting teams left,
24:02all trying to come first on BBC One.
24:05Your favourite's on.
24:07Oh, I love Race Across the World.
24:08It's good, isn't it?
24:09You love it.
24:09That's what you're watching at the moment.
24:10I love Race Across the World.
24:12Hello, party.
24:14I've got vegan cocktail sausages for work.
24:20Are you talking to me?
24:21Yeah.
24:22Sorry, I couldn't work out if you're talking to me, the dog.
24:24I think, Beats...
24:28No, Mummy, we'd get lost.
24:30We'd be so bad.
24:31No, no, we could do this,
24:32because I'm really good at travelling.
24:35I think I'd be all right.
24:37I think it would be OK.
24:38I think you'd be all right.
24:39You've just got to go really fast across the world, haven't you?
24:42Yeah, but we'd have to stop quite a lot for you to cry.
24:44Why is it sad?
24:45Well, no, but it doesn't have to be sad for you to cry.
24:48Sorry, are you OK, then?
24:52Cute.
24:53Oh, no, I thought so, too.
24:54How do you do it?
24:55This is for you, sir.
24:57And this one went, sir.
24:58As Brian and Melvin were first to reach the checkpoint,
25:02they're now first to leave.
25:03So these two are brothers, but they sort of drifted apart.
25:06They don't really hang out,
25:07and then this trip is them, like,
25:09getting their brotherhood back together.
25:11That's nice, but, like, surely stressful.
25:13It's the worst place to do it, yeah.
25:15Just six and a half hours separate the brothers and last place.
25:19They're in front, the old Chuckle brothers.
25:20Less than six and a half hours to make up.
25:23You could do that.
25:24It could all change.
25:25It could all change in a day.
25:26Are you ready?
25:26Some checkpoint is Panagy.
25:31Never heard of Panagy.
25:32Almost 1,500 kilometres south of Sassangir.
25:37Oh, how stunning.
25:39Forget the racing.
25:40Go on your holiday.
25:41That looks well good.
25:42The decision we've got to make is,
25:45do we go back on ourselves using the same route,
25:48or do we cut across the bay?
25:51We can't go under it.
25:53No, you got it.
25:53We can't go over it.
25:55We have to go through it.
25:56Remember that book?
25:58Splish, splosh, splish, splosh, splish, splosh.
26:01This is the grown version, boy.
26:04They could opt for a ferry,
26:06but with only two crossings a day,
26:09timing the connection is key.
26:10Ooh.
26:11I don't like boats.
26:13Get the ferry.
26:14Mumbai's one of the busiest cities in India.
26:17Beep, beep, blah, blah, smog, smog.
26:20You don't want to go to Mumbai.
26:21Yeah, I mean, you'd avoid Mumbai
26:23when you're under traffic and all the rest of it.
26:25It's mental there.
26:26I feel like Brian's the one in charge.
26:28See, I mean, Brian just straightaway is in there,
26:29like, we're not going to Mumbai.
26:30Yeah, Melvin's vibes.
26:32Yeah.
26:33Brian's just like...
26:34Decision make-up, boom, let's go.
26:35Brian's in vibes.
26:36After catching the last ferry of the day,
26:38Brian and Melvin are the only team
26:40to have made it off the peninsula.
26:42Fucking hell, look how far ahead they are.
26:45Them lot are still on the other side of India.
26:47We are, pretty much.
26:48My gut feeling is that we're still ahead at the moment.
26:51We didn't see anybody else on the ferry
26:53and we've got to capitalise on that.
26:55Job done.
26:56Yes.
26:57Job done.
26:58Job did.
26:59Or is it?
26:59They're actually smashing their life ahead, isn't it?
27:01Yeah.
27:02I don't think it's worth going to the ferry.
27:05Plotting their route,
27:06Caroline and Tom have found a 15-hour bus...
27:0915-hour bus!
27:11Oh, I'd rather eat my own foot.
27:13At last, we're on the go.
27:14On the move, on the way to Mumbai.
27:17I wouldn't want to be on the bus.
27:18No.
27:19A sweaty bus.
27:20For 15 hours.
27:21Why haven't we ever watched this?
27:22We're just watching people take public transport.
27:27After an 11-hour bus...
27:31Humid, isn't it?
27:32Sticky.
27:34Brian and Melvin have arrived in Panaji.
27:36They've made it!
27:37Jesus, how far ahead are these two?
27:39By tuk-tuk or taxi, travel to the Checkpoint Hotel,
27:42the Grand Hyatt.
27:44Oh, hello.
27:44Isn't that gorgeous?
27:46Lovely.
27:47Going the Grand Hyatt.
27:48How much, mate?
27:505-1.
27:50Good lad.
27:52Go, go, go, go, go.
27:53I like how it goes.
27:54Good lad.
27:55Good lad.
27:55They're wasting money, though.
27:57£4.92 for a tuk-tuk.
27:58That's fine.
27:59London, it's like £7 a minute.
28:01I know, but you get the music on the ones in London, don't you?
28:04Yeah.
28:05Are we going to be first?
28:07Are we going to be second?
28:08Are we going to be third or what?
28:09I don't know.
28:09I don't see what we could have done any better.
28:11Why has Melvin got a scarf on when it's very humid?
28:16Because he's committed to his accessories, Pete,
28:18and you've got to admire that.
28:20Wow, this looks a bit special, doesn't it?
28:22Lovely view.
28:23It is lovely, isn't it?
28:24Oh, if you walked in and saw someone else, I'd be fuming.
28:27Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:28Well, at least you're an old lady.
28:29True.
28:31Here you go, Mel.
28:33See you, see you.
28:34Are they going to be first?
28:36Zemda written in the book.
28:37All right, let's find out.
28:38No, they've done it, they've done it.
28:39You ready?
28:40Yeah.
28:42Oh!
28:43What?
28:44Oh, look!
28:45One, two, three.
28:46The last!
28:48Don't know how we've done that.
28:49Bollocks.
28:50Oh, no.
28:51How have they gone from first to last?
28:54Do you know what it was?
28:55The ferry.
28:56The ferry!
29:0017 hours earlier.
29:02Do you know how late that is?
29:05You are late.
29:06Not even black people come that late, boy.
29:09You are so late.
29:11Come to the left.
29:11Come to the left.
29:12Hold on, Thomas.
29:13Come on, keep going.
29:13Let it in.
29:14I mean, they are running.
29:15Yeah.
29:15Yeah.
29:16Okay.
29:16You ready?
29:17Yeah.
29:19Bosh.
29:20What a moment.
29:21Oh, my God!
29:22Well done.
29:23Oh, I bet they smell a bit.
29:25Oh, God, yeah.
29:26I bet they're a bit stinky now.
29:28It is what it is.
29:29We're not despondent.
29:30We'll get out there for the eighth leg and we'll hammer it, won't we?
29:32We'll give it the best shot.
29:33You tell them, Melvin.
29:34You tell them, mate.
29:36What do you think their undoing was?
29:37Do you think it was the fact?
29:38Because they were first.
29:39I'll be honest with you.
29:40I think it was, I think Melvin was starting them down carrying that great big suitcase.
29:43We don't know what's in it, but the way he's carrying it, it looks like a body.
29:46It's all of his accessories.
29:47Yeah, it's all the hats and scarves he's got in there.
29:50In Essex.
29:52I think you're going to have a facelift.
29:53I need some.
29:54I just need, like.
29:55You keep moaning.
29:56That's what you keep doing.
29:56A little lift.
29:57Yeah.
29:57Look, I just need the tiny bit there.
29:59Yeah, but that's a facelift, Mum.
30:00Then that be my neck.
30:01That's a facelift.
30:02Rylan and his mum, Linda.
30:04Have your face done, have your nose done, have your tits done?
30:06No, I'm not right.
30:08The tits, no, is a no-no.
30:11Why?
30:12Because when I, when we wait, I lose weight a lot.
30:15Yeah, well, you won't lose them if you have your tits done.
30:17I don't want my tits like that.
30:18No one's going near them.
30:21Just get your face and nose done, then, if you want them done.
30:24You might get to buy one, get one free.
30:26Yeah, well, what's that be?
30:27Well, buy the face, get the nose done free.
30:29No.
30:29On Tuesday night, Big Zoo was travelling the world on the hunt for more fancy dinners.
30:36Do you know what?
30:37I do the majority of cooking in our house.
30:41Yeah?
30:41Do you?
30:42You get involved?
30:43I get involved every now and again.
30:45Like, Tess is primarily the cook.
30:49Yeah.
30:49I do get involved, but not as often as I should.
30:52To be fair.
30:52So, chef.
30:53Yeah.
30:53Do you remember the worst meal you ever made me?
30:54I used to be good, bro.
30:55You never used to be good.
30:56I just got lazy.
30:57You never used to be good.
30:58I did used to be good.
30:59You didn't.
31:00I remember I came home from school once.
31:01You made me spaghetti bolognese.
31:02Yeah.
31:02Do you know what your secret ingredient was?
31:03What?
31:04Peanut butter.
31:05Oh, yeah.
31:06That one didn't work.
31:07Welcome to the world of ludicrous luxury.
31:09Oh, my days.
31:11I'm searching for the most expensive dishes on the planet.
31:15This is luxury food, high-end food.
31:18And joining me on this super-rich safari is my cousin and most expensive friend, AJ Tracy.
31:24The mandame have come a long way, you know.
31:25Ah, bro.
31:26They've come a long way.
31:27When it is trying expensive things for television entertainment.
31:30They have a bit of everything, aren't they?
31:32Yeah.
31:32Chef, entertainment.
31:33I know.
31:34Now they have cousins.
31:35Literally singing for their sofa.
31:37This is Big Zoo and AJ Tracy's rich flavours.
31:40Love watching rich flavours whilst having a salad out of a cardboard bowl.
31:43The best takeaways we have is always the ones, whenever we go in there and we're like,
31:50oof, looks a bit grim in here.
31:52Yeah, when you can, when you can, if you ran your finger along the wall, you'd be able
31:57to taste what they've been cooking.
31:59Welcome to America.
32:00The land of big portions and even bigger fortunes.
32:03Are you salivating?
32:05I am a little bit, yeah.
32:06I saw that.
32:07What was that?
32:08Like a little salt beef.
32:09This is New York City.
32:10The richest place on earth.
32:11Yeah, I hadn't got instantized food when I got to New York.
32:15I think I lived on pastrami, sandwich, pastrami.
32:19Spaghetti bolognese, I think it was the poshest I went in, some Italian restaurant.
32:23We are here for the most expensive pizza in the world.
32:27I think the most expensive pizza I've ever had, though, I'm like, something like a Domino's.
32:31Do you know what I mean?
32:32The most expensive pizza you've ever had is not Domino's.
32:35Hey, mate, sometimes I think they're kind of expensive, me, you know, unless you get on
32:38the old toe for Tuesday.
32:40Is that the certificate there?
32:41Oh, my days.
32:42Go on, how much is it?
32:44They've got it in pounds as well for them, aren't they?
32:45Gordon Ramsay.
32:46He had the previous one.
32:48Two grand.
32:49Blink and Nora.
32:51They've got a Guinness World Record.
32:53Just for ripping evil off.
32:56I mean, what's in it?
32:57Do you get like a watch with it?
32:59We need to know what the pepperoni they're putting on this team.
33:01I don't like that dough.
33:03That's great.
33:04Indian squid ink for the dough.
33:05Squid ink.
33:06The ink that squid's used to defend himself.
33:10When did we start eating that?
33:11Whoa.
33:12Do you think that's going to look better when it's cooked?
33:14And that three-continent mash-up is just the base.
33:18He's putting a Kraft slice on.
33:20Oh, it's gold.
33:21Oh, it's gold.
33:21Oh, it's gold.
33:22I want a real Kraft cheese slice.
33:24Round here, gold ain't just for investing, it's also for digesting.
33:29That's so silly.
33:31That would be a red flag for me.
33:32Who wants to eat foil?
33:34It's so obnoxious.
33:36I've never been so angry at a pizza.
33:38It's the first time I've been furious at carbohydrates.
33:41It's about to get even madder.
33:43Chef Jonathan's slapping on Caspian caviar.
33:46Some sort of edible flowers.
33:47What a weird vibe, man.
33:48What a weird vibe.
33:49Right, go on.
33:50Favourite pizza toppings, go.
33:51If you were about to tell me this will be the end of our friendship...
33:55No, I know what you're going to say.
33:56If you were about to fuck...
33:56I know what you're going to say.
33:58Not a chance in hell.
33:59Pineapple, no way.
34:00Ridiculous.
34:01It's a dessert.
34:02Pervert behaviour.
34:03And the basic barrier of expensive dishes.
34:07French truffles.
34:08And, of course, more gold.
34:10It's not okay, man.
34:11It's not okay at all.
34:12It's not okay.
34:13Mate, I'll tell you now, that looks like the worst thing I've ever seen.
34:17You really want to make it expensive?
34:19Put Leur Pack on there.
34:20Then I'll be, like, shocked.
34:23Whoa.
34:24Half a tub of Leur Pack.
34:25I see that.
34:26Leur Pack?
34:27Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:27You've got money, bro.
34:34I don't think he likes it.
34:37What's that, Link?
34:38I spent on a journey.
34:39He hates it.
34:39Oh, he don't like it, does he?
34:40Instantaneous garlic.
34:42Then the umami of everything comes in.
34:44The caviar.
34:45Wow.
34:46I can see why you might enjoy it.
34:48Yeah, I can, I can see that.
34:50Because you haven't paid for it.
34:50You've got to enjoy it, aren't you?
34:52Favourite food after three.
34:54Okay.
34:54Three, two, one.
34:56Sushi.
34:56Turkey chicken Kievs.
34:59Turkey chicken Kievs?
35:00You know the little mini you've ever had in the turkey balls?
35:04They're frozen.
35:04No.
35:05Okay, so what about sushi?
35:07You like sushi.
35:08I don't mind sushi.
35:08Just don't like the sauce or the wasabi or anything.
35:10Just give me just plain fish.
35:12Bin yourself.
35:13Get in the bin, man.
35:16You're crazy.
35:17Grow up.
35:19You're a parent.
35:21Oh, my God.
35:22You're raising beige kids.
35:24Yeah.
35:24Aren't you?
35:26Yeah.
35:27You are, man.
35:28They eat like me.
35:30Bearing in mind, my daughter said to me, she said,
35:31Oh, not this time, too spicy.
35:33What?
35:33The ketchup.
35:36Oh, my God.
35:37Someone save George's kids.
35:47In London.
35:49I've got such this cold.
35:50It's absolutely...
35:52Oh, no.
35:53I've caught it off your father.
35:54I'm trying to do that thing, which is not sighing.
35:58Jennifer and her daughter Beatty.
36:00And I've noticed that as you get older,
36:02every time you get up, you go,
36:03Oh, oh, oh, like that.
36:06Yeah.
36:06And I think if you don't do it,
36:08you maybe don't feel so tired or so ill.
36:12This is the kind of advice you always give.
36:15And never take.
36:16It's like when...
36:17No, it's like when you told us you could get rid of bees
36:20by saying Thursday.
36:21No, that was Joanna who told me that.
36:23Thursday.
36:23Thursday.
36:24Thursday.
36:25Thursday.
36:26Thursday.
36:27I think what it is, is it stops you going,
36:29Ah!
36:32Bless you.
36:33Thanks.
36:34On Monday night, it was all about keeping shtum on you and Dave.
36:38If someone says to meet Jess, I'll laugh.
36:41Yeah.
36:42You would.
36:42You would.
36:43No, I think I'm really good at just being like,
36:45like, I'm too competitive.
36:47Inside here is a studio audience.
36:50We've given them a quarter of a million pounds for doing absolutely nothing.
36:55What, it's already won 250 grand?
36:57Well, they've got 250 grand, but it goes down.
36:59Oh, okay.
37:00It's one of those.
37:01Any time anyone makes a noise, it costs them.
37:04I think if there's that much money on the line, and you're that many people.
37:08I could compose myself, surely.
37:11I'd be awful at this, you know?
37:12Yeah, I would.
37:13I'd, the budget would be done in 10 minutes, mate.
37:1810 minutes, man.
37:23I think this is a really clever show.
37:25Can I have another Frutella?
37:27Yes, of course you can.
37:28Remember when you couldn't laugh in assembly?
37:30And something would be, like, 2 out of 10 funny.
37:33If someone did it in assembly where you can't laugh, it is excruciating.
37:36We start the game in.
37:38Okay.
37:39All right, come on.
37:41Look, they're getting all their noise out.
37:43All right, she can't say nothing.
37:48Listen, do me a favour and pretend you're in the audience.
37:50Okay.
37:58Did anyone make any noise?
38:02£5,000 lost.
38:04For that?
38:06That's it, mate.
38:07Oh, it's hard.
38:07It's costing you five grand.
38:09She's gone all the way to the studio, sat in this chair.
38:12Someone does a beggar.
38:20The person I really need to speak to right now is...
38:23Sarah, hey, Sarah.
38:26C57, Sarah.
38:27Oh, she can't talk, can she?
38:28So, what's your mum's name?
38:32She's doing well.
38:33No, you don't have to tell me, because we know it's Karen, isn't it?
38:36Dermot there.
38:37Trying to freak him out.
38:39Trying to Derren Brownen.
38:40I was going to say, she should have got Derren Brownen.
38:43Hi, Sarah.
38:45Is that her mum?
38:46Is that her mum?
38:47It's Karen.
38:47Any secrets about Sarah, she doesn't know.
38:52Let's hear it, Karen.
38:53Karen is a snake.
38:55You're adopted.
38:57Liv?
38:58Fucking hell.
38:59I was tied in a bedroom once, because she's really quite swuffy.
39:03Oh, no.
39:04And I found a sex toy in a bag.
39:08No, Karen, you did not.
39:12Classic.
39:14Absolutely classic.
39:16Did your mum find you a dodo?
39:19From here on in, you have the power to skip answers any time you like.
39:24Oh, I don't know.
39:24If you're starting with sex toys, it can only get worse.
39:29Oh, God.
39:32Oh, skip that.
39:33Yeah, I don't want to know that.
39:35Bro.
39:35Oh, they're asking her mum that.
39:37No!
39:38Skip!
39:39Skip!
39:42Play.
39:43Several times.
39:45Several times?
39:46Just straight in there.
39:48Straight in?
39:49Not even a...
39:50Well...
39:52Just straight in.
39:53Several times.
39:54Several times.
39:55Once on a pedalo in Italy.
39:57A pedalo!
39:59In Italy?
40:00On a pedalo?
40:00On a pedalo?
40:01In the middle of the fucking ocean?
40:02On a pedalo?
40:03How does she work that out?
40:05Fucking hell, it's like he's still falling.
40:06And then, um, also in some bushes, in, like, almost like a traffic island.
40:12A traffic island?
40:14Jesus.
40:15Having it off on a roundabout.
40:17God, that is public.
40:18No.
40:19Skip it.
40:20Right?
40:21Skip it.
40:22I don't know if this is worth 250 grand.
40:25Next question, please.
40:26There's more.
40:27There's more.
40:29Oh, man.
40:30Favourite sexual position?
40:32Oh, no.
40:33This is unnecessary.
40:35Well, I'll be honest with you, Claire.
40:37I sort of want to know.
40:38Doggy.
40:39Not sure I want to answer this, but it's got to do with dogs.
40:43She's what?
40:44She's having sex with dogs.
40:47Is she on about a bloke who looked like a dog or something?
40:49No.
40:50I don't mean I'm doing it with a dog.
40:52I mean...
40:54Basically, now, Karen.
40:56I'd have to leave.
40:57I'd leave and then immediately move to...
41:01Move to a different country.
41:02...Papua New Guinea.
41:02Yeah, just leave.
41:04I mean, doggy position.
41:08How did you guess that?
41:11She's on about dogging?
41:12No.
41:13No dogging?
41:14No?
41:15Well, you know something what I don't know.
41:18What is she on about, then?
41:19Nothing.
41:20Jo, I got nothing from Sarah.
41:22She's tough as nails, that one, because she's grown up with a mother
41:26that's done it on a pedalo.
41:29You kids all right on the sand?
41:31I'm just tough on the pedalo.
41:35I'm just tough with one on the pedalos.
41:41In North London...
41:43I got told this week by a medical professional
41:46to go and do some exercise,
41:48because he used the phrase, at your age.
41:52What do you mean?
41:53Which is the first time I've ever heard that.
41:55I was like, my age?
41:58Nick and his niece live.
42:00But, yeah, I went to see...
42:01I went to have, like, a full medical...
42:03MOT.
42:04I had MOT, yeah.
42:06Whole thing.
42:06Moles, blood, heart, blood pressure, cholesterol.
42:11Hmm?
42:11Guess how old my heart is.
42:1439.
42:15No.
42:15Yeah.
42:16Wait, one year younger than you are?
42:17Yeah.
42:18So, accurate.
42:20Huh?
42:20Accurate.
42:21No, it's better than it should be.
42:23Oh.
42:23I'm nearly...
42:24I'm 41 in August.
42:26Okay.
42:27My heart's 39.
42:28Dead young.
42:31On Friday night,
42:33it was news of somebody's last day in the office
42:36that made the headlines.
42:37The ITV news.
42:39It's the news.
42:39I'm not at the age where I just leave the news on in my house, though.
42:42No, no, no.
42:43No, no, no.
42:43That's some real pension and stuff.
42:46I just leave it on all day, you know?
42:50This is ITV News at 10 with Julie Etchingham.
42:54Hey, oh, here we go.
42:55What you got for us, Julie?
42:56For the past four months,
42:58Donald Trump and Elon Musk have been largely inseparable.
43:01They have.
43:01Yeah.
43:02They've been, like, the worst Dumb and Dumber ever.
43:04Oh, they are Dumb and Dumber.
43:05Yeah.
43:05I love Trump, do you?
43:07No.
43:07He's a fool and he's fucking up my children's future and the world.
43:11The president has often had his self-styled first buddy
43:14hovering to one side.
43:16They're literally joined at the hip now, aren't they?
43:18No, they've split up.
43:19Oh, have they?
43:19Yeah.
43:20What happened?
43:21His car sales declined by 49% in Europe
43:25and I think he suddenly realised to himself,
43:28hello, maybe Donald Trump isn't good for business abroad.
43:31And so it was this evening in a press conference
43:33called to mark the tech billionaire's departure from the White House.
43:37Yeah, fuck off, you little knob.
43:39Which one?
43:40Both of them.
43:41But honestly, Elon Musk gives me anxiety
43:44because somebody with that much money
43:46behaving like that with just no self-awareness
43:49I truly find terrifying.
43:50Mr Musk was sporting a black eye in the Oval Office today.
43:54Sporting a black eye?
43:55Sporting a black eye.
43:56I might sport a black eye tomorrow.
43:58He blamed that on a play fight with one of his children.
44:02How big are his children?
44:03Even by his own eccentric standards,
44:05the world's richest man cut an unusual figure
44:08in the Oval Office today.
44:10He's an alien.
44:11Yeah, I think he's an alien.
44:12He's an alien.
44:13I swear to God, bro.
44:14I think he's an alien, bro.
44:16I mean, I don't know where to start.
44:17I'll be honest with you, I feel bad.
44:19I feel bad even saying it, but you're not a look at it.
44:21Right.
44:22A question about his alleged regular drug-taking
44:25reported in today's New York Times.
44:28Here you go.
44:28Hey.
44:29Ooh.
44:30What kind of drugs has Elon Musk been taking?
44:32Catamine.
44:33He's what?
44:34He's on catamine.
44:35Doesn't make him a bad person.
44:38Elon Musk hinted he was still open
44:41to helping President Trump.
44:42So it's not his last day, though.
44:44I think he'll just kind of work on a freelance basis now.
44:46Yeah, just whenever he wants to.
44:48His odyssey into politics was at times like a pantomime.
44:56What is that?
44:57That's a chainsaw.
44:58That's dangerous.
45:00Sado.
45:00You told me that person's not on catamine.
45:03I gave him a little special something we have here.
45:05Always give him a present.
45:07What would you want on your last day at the White House?
45:09A flowers.
45:10I love flowers.
45:12Or a plant.
45:13Oh, a nice house plant.
45:14Yeah.
45:15Yeah, that would be lovely, that would.
45:17A sign of his affection came as Elon Musk was about to leave today.
45:21Oh.
45:22A gold key.
45:23A giant key.
45:24A key to the White House.
45:26Oh, let yourself in.
45:27He was given this golden goodbye.
45:30Thank you, Elon.
45:31Take care of yourself.
45:33That's wild.
45:35All right, bye now.
45:37OK.
45:38No, no, no, you can fuck off now.
45:40We've fallen out publicly before, but I think we were a lot more graceful than that, weren't we?
45:46A lot more graceful.
45:47But you never gave me a golden key.
45:49You never gave me a black eye.
45:50We have to affect the things that we can affect.
45:55We can't affect that.
45:57We can moan about it, and if he comes here, we can get out in the streets and show him how much we hate him.
46:03But really, we've got to get on and make sure it doesn't happen here.
46:06Make sure that that great talking sewage pipe, Farage, doesn't get in.
46:11You just look like it's just a pipe, a great big sewage pipe of shit.
46:24Hate.
46:31Liam Neeson.
46:32He's an expert assassin who's about to become the target.
46:36Memory.
46:37The network premiere tomorrow at 9.30 here on Channel 4.
46:40And that Channel 4 is now home of the UEFA under-21 championships.
46:44It kicks off with Slovakia as they take on Spain, live this Wednesday at 4.50, over on 4.7.
46:50But back to tonight.
46:52And how open is everyone feeling?