- 06/06/2025
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00:00Grazie a tutti
00:30Grazie a tutti
01:00Grazie a tutti
01:29Grazie a tutti
01:59Grazie a tutti
02:29Grazie a tutti
02:59No, I was never touched, I was never touched as a kid, people don't generally like touching me
03:07Oh here we go about Patrick again
03:08No, we're not going about Patrick
03:11Patrick, Patrick, what a prick, Patrick
03:15You're a prick, Jesus
03:18Actually, that's pretty clever, yeah, Joshua, can you help me, Mother, please?
03:29Yep, you know why I wanted to come on this hike, don't you?
03:40You know why I wanted to come on this hike, don't you?
03:45You know why I wanted to come on this hike, don't you?
03:45Um, after Ginger killed herself, you couldn't stay in that hospital, because that's depressing.
03:56But it's a horrible idea for me, but it's a horrible idea for you to be home alone, so here we are, in a creek.
04:04Yeah, it's a way to come on this hike, it's a way to come on this hike, yeah?
04:09Yeah, I like a shot.
04:10Okay.
04:10Okay.
04:10Stop it.
04:24What are you reading?
04:25History of Sexuality.
04:28You're reading an erotic book?
04:30No.
04:34How much have you read?
04:35About half.
04:38What's it about?
04:38I have no idea.
04:51I don't know why she didn't tell me.
04:54Okay.
04:55We're talking about Ginger, yeah?
04:57I knew this would happen, I am prepared.
04:59I thought we were friends, I just don't know why she didn't tell me.
05:01I don't know.
05:03You didn't tell anyone when you did it.
05:05It's different.
05:06How?
05:07I didn't plan it.
05:08She planned it.
05:10Okay.
05:14She left me a note.
05:16Okay.
05:18I haven't read it.
05:20Well, maybe the note will tell you why she didn't tell you.
05:22No, she didn't want to tell me because she knew I'd stop her.
05:25Yeah, wouldn't you have stopped her?
05:27Yeah, of course.
05:28Yeah, so that makes sense.
05:29It's just, I would have thought that she'd want to be stopped.
05:34You never really wanted to be stopped.
05:36It was different.
05:37It was different.
05:39It was different.
05:39It was different.
05:49You know, I'm sorry about when I tried.
05:51Yeah, right now.
05:54Okay.
05:56Okay.
05:57It's okay to be angry if you want.
06:00No, I don't want to be angry.
06:02Okay?
06:02I always assumed it wasn't about me.
06:04Okay.
06:04I don't want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to be angry if you want to
06:34Sì.
07:04So if you do what you want instead of carrying on, like everything you do for me is a big fat favour
07:10I'm just trying to be easy.
07:12You're being a shit.
07:12Right, well lets not go to the waterfall.
07:14No lets not go to the bloody waterfall.
07:16Yeah fuck the waterfall?
07:17Yeah
07:19Have you ever wanted to try and kill yourself?
07:25Oh gosh.
07:27No, not really.
07:29Um, there's been times where, like, I didn't want to feel anything anymore, and it seemed like a nice idea, but all those times, they passed.
07:41Oh, okay. So how'd they pass?
07:44Um, well, I don't know. Maybe Everybody Loves Raymond came on. Maybe someone offered me pancakes. I love pancakes.
07:52But you never want to do any more than that?
07:54Uh, oh, once when I was 19, I wrote a suicide note.
07:58Oh, I'm sorry.
08:01No, I don't think that's a big deal, is it? To want to kill yourself for an afternoon? That's normal. As long as I don't actually try.
08:08So what did your night say?
08:11Um, I can't remember. Probably something very teen angsty.
08:14Oh, you must remember what it said.
08:17Okay, fine. I remember, but I just, I don't want to reflect on it. I don't really want to reflect on any of the decisions I made as a teenager, to be honest.
08:26What, like when you started dressing like Eminem?
08:28Yeah.
08:29Oh, that shirt. See where the shirt you made, and then you wore it. It said, uh, some people think that we only use 10% of our brains, but I think we only use 10% of our hearts.
08:42It's insightful. It's insightful. It's an insightful quote. I was an insightful teenager.
08:47Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want to talk about it.
09:05Look, look, you were not sharing the same sleeping bag.
09:09Not listening.
09:13But you never have opinions on anything. Like, I don't think I've ever heard you have an opinion on anything.
09:18Oh, there's too many opinions these days, Josh. Everybody seems to think they have to have an opinion.
09:23Okay, good. You have opinions on opinions.
09:25Oh, no, it's, I mean, it's fine if they want to have opinions.
09:30And, and I do have opinions, by the way.
09:36Maybe you've just never heard them.
09:38Okay, well, let's play a game where I ask you about something, and you have to have an opinion on it.
09:43Yeah, okay, yeah, I can do that.
09:44Okay. Uh, so, Mother, uh, what's your opinion on Australian Idol?
09:50Uh, the judges are too mean.
09:53Okay, in the first few seasons, but then they became, like, sickly nice.
09:56I knew you didn't really want my opinion.
09:59What about, uh, God?
10:02Oh, well, I don't believe in God, but I don't like it when you go around telling people that he doesn't exist.
10:10But he doesn't exist.
10:12Why do you bother them?
10:14Uh, well, the other day, a Christian politician said that God sent aides to kill gays.
10:20I hate, I just, I think I'm allowed to rebut that.
10:23Oh, well, that guy sounds like an idiot. You're allowed, you're allowed to bother him.
10:26Okay.
10:28It's just, mostly I'm just surprised that God's couldn't come up with a better plan than aides, you know?
10:34It's not very efficient.
10:35It doesn't just kill gays.
10:36No, it kills a lot of Africans, but, you know, God is clumsy like that.
10:41He's notoriously clumsy.
10:43He's also going to sound like you've got aides in the 80s, you know?
10:48It took God six days to make the universe and not long to come up with aides?
10:52Like, what was it about the 80s?
10:55Like, you saw George Michael and was like, no!
10:58This shit has gone far enough!
11:01Aides!
11:01I mean, not all Christians believe that.
11:04It's just that one guy.
11:05Yeah.
11:06Jesus was fine with gays.
11:08Was he?
11:09Yeah, like he hung out with all those blokes and drank wine and washed their feet!
11:22Is that a gay thing?
11:26Washing feet?
11:28I've never washed a foot.
11:30Is that what you think we do?
11:31I think we wash feet.
11:35Let's swim, Josh.
11:36Oh, God, no.
11:38It's freezing.
11:40I don't know if it's for this.
11:40It doesn't matter.
11:41You just go in your clothes and clean them.
11:45No, no.
11:46That is freezing.
11:48Come on, it'll be fun.
11:50Nope, don't want to.
11:52Oh, you're not giving me the shit.
11:56I'm going to have a nice time.
11:58Yesterday I was getting in trouble for doing activities just because you wanted me to do them.
12:03I just want you to want to do things.
12:07I don't want to do a thing, you know?
12:10I don't know how to want to do a thing I don't want to do.
12:14I know how to lie about it.
12:15You told me not to do that.
12:22It's fucking freezing.
12:26Yeah, I said, right?
12:27Shut up.
12:28I said, it's freezing.
12:29Shut up!
12:32I'm really warped up, Joshy.
12:34Good.
12:35Good.
12:36I'm going to go to the other side, okay?
12:38Okay.
12:39Okay.
12:39What's up?
12:49There's a snake, Joshy, there's a snake.
12:51Where?
12:52Oh, my God.
12:53It's going to swim away.
12:54Okay, good.
12:55Good.
12:56Oh, no, it's in the water.
12:58Oh, crazy.
13:00How am I going to get back?
13:01I don't know.
13:02You just have to swim.
13:03You just have to swim back.
13:04No, I can't do that.
13:09Joshy, can you come and get me, please?
13:12How will that help?
13:13I can't do it on my own.
13:15Come on, please.
13:16If I get in there, it's just going to make a double-sized target.
13:19But what do I do?
13:21You just have to swim.
13:22You just have to swim back.
13:23No!
13:24Okay, when I was a scout, they told us the snakes are, like, scared of people.
13:29So if you just make some noise, you'll, like, scare us.
13:31It'll piss off.
13:33Go away!
13:34Go away, snake!
13:35Go away!
13:36No, not like that.
13:37You need to, like, on the ground.
13:39Jump and stomp or something.
13:40Oh, Josh!
13:42It's in the water!
13:44Okay, fine.
13:45I'll come in and scare the snakes.
14:01Oi, snake!
14:02Snake!
14:03You didn't have to hit it back there, Josh!
14:09Yeah, sure!
14:10Yeah, sure!
14:11And then we'll have to do the scouts.
14:14I guess it doesn't have to walk.
14:16All right, okay.
14:17Snake's scared.
14:19Come in.
14:19Oh, I'm too scared.
14:22Fucking to it.
14:23Don't you choose to swear at me, Joshie.
14:25All right.
14:26Oh, my God.
14:27Oh, my God.
14:28Snake, get out of here, snake!
14:29Oh, my God.
14:30Snake!
14:31Oh, my God.
14:32Oh, my God.
14:32Oh, my God.
14:32Oh, my God.
14:33Oh, my God.
14:34Oh, my God.
14:34Oh, my God.
14:35Oh, my God.
14:36Oh, my God.
14:36Oh, my God.
14:37Okay.
14:38Keep going.
14:39No, I can't.
14:40It's great.
14:41I'm just scared.
14:42I'm just scared.
14:43Oh, shit.
14:44Oh, my God.
14:45Oh, my God.
14:46Don't do it.
14:47Don't do it.
14:48Don't do it.
14:49Don't do it.
14:50Don't do it.
14:51Go.
14:52Oh, Jesus Christ.
14:53Oh, my God.
14:54Oh, my God.
14:55You're my hero.
14:56You know that?
14:57Yeah.
14:58Yeah.
14:59Yeah.
15:00Don't do it.
15:01Don't do it.
15:02Don't do it.
15:03Come on.
15:04You're your hero.
15:05Why not?
15:06You're my hero.
15:07Don't understand how you never got angry with me.
15:12So angry at Ginger.
15:14Wow, you're really stuck on this, yeah?
15:19Do you want me to get angry?
15:20Do you wish I was angry?
15:21I just want to understand what's going through your head, Josh.
15:26Uh, I just try and understand when you do things like this that you're doing them because you're ill
15:34and then I don't get angry the same way you wouldn't get angry at someone with a cold for having a runny nose.
15:42That's sort of unfeeling.
15:43No, I mean, like, sure, sometimes I got angry.
15:49Like, it seems like a pretty crazy way to get my attention,
15:52but also I promise my anger just never felt like a priority.
15:57I wasn't trying to get your attention.
15:59Really?
16:00No, look, see, a psychiatrist I saw early on asked me if I was trying to get attention.
16:04That really surprised me.
16:06What were you trying to do then?
16:08I was trying to kill myself.
16:14Oh, yeah, of course.
16:15I can't use attention if I'm dead, can I?
16:23The third time you tried to kill yourself,
16:28that was, like, a day where we didn't know if your stomach had been pumped in time.
16:33If it had been pumped in time, they assured me you would be fine,
16:37but if it hadn't, you were going to die slowly over two weeks.
16:44Yeah, I know.
16:49Yeah, I just...
16:51You're my mum.
16:53Yeah, I just...
16:55Imagine if I had to watch you die slowly over two weeks,
17:00watch you kill yourself over two weeks.
17:03Of course, like, I was scared.
17:06I was fucking terrified.
17:07But then, then when I found out you were fine,
17:10then I got angry.
17:11That was an angry day for me.
17:13And sometimes,
17:16when I call you at 2 p.m.
17:19and you're still in bed,
17:21not working at getting better,
17:22then I get angry then,
17:24which I know is harsh,
17:25because that's your disease.
17:26It's very hard for you to get out of bed,
17:28but if we keep excusing it
17:29because it's your disease,
17:31then you're never going to get better.
17:32I am trying to get better.
17:36Sure, just don't do it again, right?
17:42You want some chilli?
17:44Yeah.
17:44Thanks, sir.
18:12I brought a little surprise
18:15Is that marijuana?
18:28Yes, I've always wanted to try it
18:30Where did you get that?
18:31Tom, he rolled it for me too, he's such a nice boy
18:35I don't really smoke it
18:36Oh, it's alright, lovey, I don't mind, I know you smoke it
18:40No, I don't
18:41It makes me cough and it makes me scared
18:43Oh, don't be such a pussy
18:44A pussy?
18:45Yeah
18:45No, I'm worried we'll eat all the food, Mum
18:48We have rations
18:49Extra chocolate, I throw it a head
18:52I don't know how that's going to mix with your medication
18:57Jesus fucking Christ, Joshua
18:59I am trying to build a fucking bonding moment here
19:02It's just already so scary here
19:04Alright, alright, we're going to need some water
19:07What?
19:31Nothing, it's nothing
19:32Don't hog it, don't hog it
19:35So when do I start feeling high?
19:44Er, now-ish
19:47Oh, yeah
19:52Yeah, oh, that's good
19:56That's good
19:58Alrighty
19:59Yeah
19:59Sudden, wasn't it?
20:01I'm having fun
20:03This is really fun
20:04Peer pressure into doing drugs by my mum
20:07This really is fun, Josh
20:10Why did you and Patrick split up?
20:18I don't want to go over it again
20:19But you really liked him
20:21Yeah, I was so happy
20:24My tummy felt so nice
20:26Sun was shining, you know
20:28Flowers were doing flowery type stuff
20:31Blue bulbs were giving each other handjobs
20:33This was good
20:34I don't get that
20:37What?
20:38Um, why were they giving each other handjobs?
20:43Was it a joke?
20:44I don't get your jokes, Josh
20:46Yeah, I know
20:47You know
20:50I can sort of see it from Patrick's point of view
20:54What?
20:55Well, it's hard to imagine you having sex
21:00Yeah, good
21:01You shouldn't be imagining it
21:03Like, you're so bad at interacting with people when you feel self-conscious, that's all
21:07Suddenly she has opinions
21:08Lots of opinions
21:10So, you're always questioning things and...
21:13And seeking approval
21:15I don't do those things when I'm having sex
21:20Well, once I had to apologise, but that was...
21:26That was warranted
21:27What did you do?
21:29No
21:30No, I'm not telling you
21:32Oh
21:33I'm so sad, Josh
21:36No
21:37I'm just not going to talk about it
21:39Don't be such a baby
21:42I'm not a baby
21:44I'm not a baby
21:45I'm not a baby
21:47I'm not a baby
21:48I'm not a baby
21:49I'm not a baby
21:50No, I'm a fucking baby
21:51I'm not a baby
21:52It's our last day tomorrow
21:54Yeah, and we didn't see a Tasmanian devil or a wombat or nothing
21:58I'm really looking forward to the boat
22:01I'm looking forward to moving, not with my legs
22:05I'm going to read Ginger's note tomorrow
22:09What do you reckon it'll say?
22:11I don't know, I could do anything
22:13I hope it's a treasure, Matt
22:15Are you maybe bisexual?
22:19No
22:19Gosh, you've really kept your hopes up
22:21Well, it's just that I never understood
22:23You dated Claire for so long
22:26I just didn't know I was gay yet
22:29Well, what changed?
22:31Um, I got older, you know
22:33I got bored with girls
22:35And also, I just
22:35At the time, I didn't want to be gay
22:36No one wants to be gay
22:38Geoffrey was so pretty
22:40He forced me to come to terms with it
22:42Well, did you enjoy having sex with girls?
22:45Yeah, at the time
22:46Well, doesn't that make you bisexual then?
22:48No, as a teenager
22:50Putting your penis anywhere when you're a teenager is fun
22:52Was I trying to have sex with a watermelon?
22:54It wasn't fussy
22:55I'm going to go back to the mental home
23:02And get better
23:04Yeah, you have to
23:05Otherwise they're going to force you to stay in a public hospital
23:08Oh, okay
23:09Yeah, that's a point
23:11No, I want to
23:13Great
23:14That's
23:16That's great
23:17I wasn't trying to hurt you when I attempted
23:23It wasn't like ginger
23:25It wasn't planned
23:26Okay
23:30I just hadn't been out of bed for two weeks
23:33I hated myself so much
23:34I just thought everybody would be happy if I was dead
23:37I was trying to do you a favour
23:41I guess that's quite selfless of you
23:47Ginger's note
24:00Okay
24:02Let's do it
24:04I thought we'd have a little ritual
24:07Like I'll read it out
24:08And then we can burn it
24:10And just let it go
24:11And keep moving like a shark
24:13Okay
24:14Rose
24:24You fat bitch
24:26Thanks for keeping me company
24:31Take care of yourself, Ginger
24:34That's it?
24:37Yeah
24:38Ah, it's hardly closure, is it?
24:39No
24:40No treasure map?
24:44No
24:44No
24:45I'm not going to get anything out of this
24:48Alright
24:50Alright
24:51Grazie a tutti.
25:21Grazie a tutti.
25:51Grazie a tutti.
26:21Grazie a tutti.
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