- 05/06/2025
Categoria
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CortometraggiTrascrizione
00:00no i'm buying it
00:10oh no dad it just makes sense for you to be in this car
00:13you're in this car you're incompatible
00:15you look all at stupid
00:17like an old person that makes stupid decisions
00:19alan i wouldn't go take advice from someone with that haircut
00:21yeah kids these days with their hair huh
00:24dad you're just too big for it
00:27too old and big josh i'm not that old
00:31you get in and out of this car you may have grown like an old man
00:35women don't think about cars
00:37oh excuse me huh i am barely sorry sir for speaking out of cancer
00:42i was momentarily distracted by my uterus and i forgot my manners
00:46thank you that's enough of that thank you
00:48dad everybody hates people in cars like these
00:50it is too long it's going to be too hard on your joints
00:53no rubbish it's it's this is it's a cool car
00:56look i've worked hard my whole life i'm getting it
00:59oh god
01:02not that cool
01:06oh yeah i'll be fine
01:13I had an idea
01:37For your mum
01:38Get her out of the house
01:40Help her make new friends
01:41I think she should come to church
01:44And you should come to church
01:45No, Peg
01:46We don't want to come to church
01:48We're spoken about this
01:49We don't want to go to church
01:50Because we don't believe in God
01:53How would you prefer to go to hell?
01:55You can't threaten an atheist with hell
01:57Peg, it doesn't make any sense
01:58It's like a hippie threatening to punch you in your aura
02:01Stupid
02:02Jesus Christ, it's terrifying
02:05It's just terrifying driving with you
02:07I'm not going to be around for very much longer
02:09And I would like to believe that one day
02:12I might just bump into you in heaven
02:14Peg, we both know that you are unfortunately very healthy
02:18Okay?
02:19I'm not taking you to the party unless you promise to come to church
02:22What a great way to trick God
02:23Into securing my eternal salvation
02:25Brilliant
02:26Oh, you can be as smart aleck as you like
02:28But if you don't promise to come to church
02:31I am just going to keep driving past the party
02:35And take you home
02:36We'll have to eat those horrible pies
02:39All by ourselves
02:40Pine
02:41And they're tarts
02:42And they're not horrible
02:44Delicious
02:45They're over mixed
02:46She should have known better
02:48I've taught you how to make tarts
02:49You know that I'm not really coming to church
03:05Yeah?
03:06Josh, you were such a disappointment
03:07Why are you waiting on the front?
03:14I was waiting for you so we could go out together
03:16How long have you been waiting for?
03:17Since I got here, I don't know, half an hour?
03:26What are you doing?
03:27I just, I just like to put it when your straps are
03:30Oh, okay
03:32Yes
03:33Joshua?
03:41Aunty Peg
03:42Hi, Aunty Peg
03:43You forgot your tarts
03:44Of course
03:45Does your mother know about this?
03:50No
03:50I guess I'll be seeing you in church then
03:54You haven't mentioned how pretty I look?
04:04You look very pretty
04:05You look like sheep
04:08That's okay
04:10I have a good imagination
04:11You always look pretty
04:13I'm sorry
04:17I was just thinking about Josh living with his mum
04:20Do you think it'll make her happy?
04:23It should make her happy, right?
04:25Now I'm using my imagination to pretend
04:27That you can't stop thinking about how pretty I look
04:30Instead of your depressing ex-wife
04:32I'm sorry, I'll change the subject
04:33Yes, and not to your car
04:35Something that isn't your car or your ex-wife
04:38I just want to make it better
04:40Yes
04:40Yes, I know
04:42Right for drinks?
04:44Jeez, mate, I thought I was going to have to send out a carrier pigeon
04:47And for you
04:47No, no, no, no
04:48She's driving
04:49I'll have the same again
04:50I'll have the same again, thanks
04:50I'll have a lemonade
04:53We were married 20 years, bye
05:00And that's not bad, you know
05:02Because the average marriage only lasts 8.7 years
05:05Oh, what?
05:09Okay, I'll talk about something else
05:12No
05:12You don't want to talk about something else
05:16I do, I do
05:16No
05:17Go to the bathroom
05:21We can talk about animals you've seen on the internet in funny costumes
05:30Thank you very much
05:39Would you like a drink, Geoffrey?
05:43Oh, I don't drink
05:44What?
05:45Why?
05:46Some people don't drink, Nev
05:47Yeah, my dad's an alcoholic
05:48Oh
05:49Okay, let's play this game I invented
05:51It's called
05:52What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to your genitals?
05:55Yes!
05:56Yes
05:56Who started?
05:57No, but how does this game work?
05:59Basically, you just tell everyone the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to your genitals
06:01I know what mine is
06:03I'll start
06:03Once, when I was making out with this girl
06:05How many girls have you met out with?
06:07Um, I've had sex-ish
06:10With five
06:11Five
06:13Five girls
06:14Did you like it?
06:16Okay
06:17Claire's sitting right there
06:19It's fine
06:20I was there for it
06:21I know what it was like
06:22Harsh
06:22Tom gave me chlamydia once
06:23Say what?
06:26That's my thing
06:27My most embarrassing thing
06:28Oh, it's not really your turn
06:29I did not give you chlamydia
06:30Ah, yes you did
06:32How else could I have gotten it?
06:34I've explained this
06:34Before I met you
06:35I hadn't had sex for eight months
06:36It's true
06:37Tom is
06:38Just really horrible at getting sex
06:41Yeah, well I got it right after I met you
06:42So I think you must be hiding something
06:44No, it's just
06:46You can get it
06:46And then not have any symptoms
06:48And it randomly just pops up
06:49That sounds a lot like bullshit, Tom
06:51It's not
06:52That's the truth
06:53Oh
06:54So I guess it's my fault then
06:56Just like everything else?
06:57Why don't we just agree to disagree
06:59About who gave who chlamydia?
07:01Because I want her telling everyone
07:02That I gave her chlamydia
07:03It does not keep getting a reputation for
07:05Sexually transmitted diseases
07:07When you didn't actually get to have the actual sex
07:10Well of course you're all on Tom's side
07:12I'm not, I don't have a side
07:13Actually there's no way of telling you about it
07:15So
07:15Thank you, Geoffrey
07:16Though statistically speaking
07:18It probably was me
07:18Yeah
07:19You have had a considerable amount more sex than Tom
07:23You think I'm a slut?
07:24No
07:24I think it's more that they're saying I'm not a slut
07:27It's totally friendship
07:28It's alright, I pretty much am
07:30You're ashamed of me
07:32I'm not ashamed of you
07:33Well then why don't you ever back me up in front of your friends?
07:36Because you told them that I gave you chlamydia
07:39It's over
07:46What?
07:49It's over, over, over, it's over
07:51We are over
07:54Fine
07:56Good luck getting through one day without me
07:59Should someone go off the hook?
08:08No
08:29Sorry
08:48It's alright
08:48It's alright
08:50I cut a run
08:50It's ok
08:59Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì.
09:29Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì.
09:59Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, Sì, S
10:29non so l'ho
10:31no
10:32i think maybe she's just from quite a well off family
10:34apparently
10:35and she genuinely likes that
10:37which is quite hard to believe
10:39why did you tell your dad i was just your friend
10:41and you wouldn't
10:43kiss me because your aunt was there
10:45yeah
10:46and your mum doesn't know
10:47don't you think that's a bit like
10:49i just can't be bothered
10:51what you need to tell them dude
10:53they weren't mine
10:54do i really need to tell them
10:57coming out to me just seems so 90s
10:59no they've seen me in school musicals we really need a discussion so you aren't
11:03gonna tell them
11:05I just can't be bothered how do you think that makes me feel dude
11:11please don't call me dude it's weird we make out sometimes
11:20oh sweetie talk to me baby answer the phone
11:25please dad
11:30hi this is Geoffrey it's an honor to finally meet you yeah you too do you know where your car is no
11:44you need to perk up now i i know you're sad but it's saturday and if i have to be stuck here with you
11:54we're going to have some fun i'm not allowed to drink people nonsense no the doctor says i'm not
12:01supposed to drink well how is someone supposed to stop being depressed if you can't drink
12:05oh wow somebody's sensible
12:12john do you think she should have a drink
12:17john he doesn't care
12:19oh jesus
12:25oh jesus who did this it's oh no josh this is serious
12:31i told you i told you i told you if you bought this car everyone would hate you
12:36oh alan my car got egg once it's gonna warp the paint it's gonna warp the paint we have to get
12:44it washed okay it's fine we can do it tomorrow no it'll ruin the paint it's gonna warp the paint josh
12:51oh jesus
13:00daddy you are you tearing up a bit
13:04dad you know there's you know there's people in africa that can't they can't afford portions
13:12they couldn't even afford a yaris do you know how much this could cost sometimes they can't afford
13:17food dad sometimes they have hiv who did this just just a bit of perspective
13:25how long are they taking yeah that's probably them
13:39no neve oh how is she i loved everything you are with every part of my being go
13:45yourself you skinny dick retard kind of took a turn halfway there
13:51i know she seemed like a massive
13:56bitch most of the time but she isn't that bad
14:00josh told me she spat on you one time
14:09we should get in the spa it's ridiculous that you have it and you never use it
14:21so jeffrey do you have a have a girlfriend no i'm gay oh right yeah right yeah
14:37it's funny you know because josh's mother and i always thought that he was guys
14:42he was always baking and dancing he is gay josh he is gay i'm his boyfriend
14:54surprise
15:01really you're you're josh's boyfriend
15:03okay it's a it's all right josh it's okay i've decided i'm fine with it thanks
15:18well it's probably my fault it's not anyone's fault i didn't play enough sport with you when you were a
15:24kid dad i don't think the amount of sport you play as a child is in direct ratio to the man you'll enjoy
15:29kissing boys just promise me that you'll use protection a homosexual man is 30 times more
15:36likely to get aids no that's not a fact dad that's not science i really don't think that's
15:41a real statistic do you use protection jeffrey oh look actually it's it's a bit awkward to talk about
15:49and then we haven't had penetrative sex yet but when we do i promise you we will use protection
15:58oh well good that that's that's good news i mean i i know it doesn't feel as good but
16:05gee whiz it feels a hell of a lot better than dying at 30. you got that right
16:09dad please stop oh relax will you some fellas would punch you for this i'm a pretty good dad
16:28um i'm not going to turn the bubbles on just because they they made me feel weird
16:37so tell me again what is your opinion of the financial crisis
16:43i just think if there were no banks then people would share their money more because they'd be able
16:48to see it but people can see their money anytime yeah but not in cash form and it'd be like way harder
16:56to store so they'd probably have to give heaps away as well amazing
16:59i'm always worried there's gonna be frogs in here or something john if you were sad what would you do
17:20see my rose is sad no i'm depressed and it's a difference it's not sad oh what's the difference
17:28well you can't cure it with ice cream we got beer you can't
17:33well i have no idea
17:45so uh what are you doing tonight ellen um i don't know jeffrey may won't answer the phone so
17:52well you should come home with us what oh i wouldn't want to interlude intrude but you
18:00should definitely come ellen no you definitely should not come tom just woke up with neve he's
18:06probably crying it'll be it'll be weird well may won't let me into the house it's your house women
18:14why not give me chlamydia it's gone it's gone
18:27oh i'm so sorry josh why well you should be living in this rat hole not at your mum's place
18:50it's fine i have a room here that you pay for i've stolen your use i am so proud of you and and
18:56mum's proud too she probably doesn't say it okay but i know that she is coming into the house you have
19:01to promise to stop talking about mum okay tom's just broken up with neve he's probably really upset
19:06and also it's just so boring so alan who do you bury for melbourne storm jeffrey
19:28are you serious yeah yeah oh look i i i think afl's for pansies am i allowed to say pansy
19:36yeah i'd like to say pansy yeah where's tom and claire hey tom claire
19:43i might go and get some tarts yum oh you guys are back that was quick
19:49hi alan hi claire nice to see you oh your hair's wet yes i was just in the tom and arrow just in the spa
19:55so that's why hello tom how long have you guys been here that long would you like a portuguese
20:06custard tart i made portuguese custard tarts we've been in the spa okay did you guys know that josh is
20:13gay oh yeah oh sorry that i guess that must have made you feel pretty weird claire uh not really it's
20:22probably for the best really yeah so don't want say uh portuguese custard tart this is mine
20:31so how are you feeling about neve good fine really
20:59really really really and um how's your chlamydia fine yeah why's your dad here jeffrey invited him
21:13why because he's so considerate
21:25what are they talking about
21:44how could anyone talk to my dad for this long
21:46i think jeffrey's genuinely interested
21:51but i don't think i've ever heard your dad say anything interesting
21:55i don't think i've ever heard jeffrey say anything interesting
21:58tom could you maybe give me a hand in the kitchen please i'd better
22:02to be honest jeffrey i i guess i still love his mother
22:12but i failed her
22:15i've failed her jeffrey and now i'm married
22:17no no don't don't say that alan and no one has any control over these things i mean
22:23and if none of it had happened then then you wouldn't have such a cool car like you do now
22:29but these things they happen for a reason dude
22:34yeah
22:35you're gonna be really good for josh
22:52okay good i gotta go to charge let's do this who wants to come huh come on it'll be fun yeah
22:58it's like it's ironic i'll come i actually quite like it bam claire's in okay great tom's for
23:05jesus jeffrey's for jesus this is good alan did you want to come oh what the fuck
23:15today jesus urges us to live a worthy life
23:20and what better gift to give him than that of a marriage between a man and a woman
23:27but marriage as an institution is under great pressure today
23:34no two men or two women can become one flesh we weren't designed to be homosexual
23:44any electrician will tell you you can't get power if you use two
23:48same-sex electrical softens they simply won't spark and if you consider a magnet
23:54two positives come together and they repel yet when the opposite sources are used
24:02they well to one another tightly like a man and wife in holy matrimony homosexual sex
24:13is dangerous and destructive to the human body
24:15i have i have just learned that i have a homosexual grandson well technically he's not my grandson
24:31but it seems anyway that's that's not important and so certainly it was a disappointment
24:38i feel like i've been robbed of great-grandchildren but
24:44if he has decided to lead a homosexual lifestyle
24:52isn't it isn't it my responsibility to love him because because if they are born that way
25:03they they they they they they have no choice but
25:11to be true to themselves josh
25:19just stand up
25:20this is my josh
25:30he
25:32he is homosexual
25:35and i love him
25:39which is what god would want
25:41and it and if it isn't what god would want then then he or she could
25:51he could stick it
25:58come on we're off
26:11you don't think this is such a big deal it's not like i haven't always known
26:23yes okay please pretend to be surprised oh hello man i'm josh's boyfriend jeffrey
26:30oh but you're so handsome and he's so um what i don't know thomas please do the subject
26:43okay neve is pregnant
26:48oh
27:00next time on please like me i've decided to do internet dating
27:05should we go back to your place so when did you start being gay or what you think i'm a bad
27:09driver i think you're the worst josh broke up with jeffrey are you gonna make up with other
27:13people i don't know any other people i think i'm gonna go to josh's place how would you feel if i
27:17if i moved to thailand i have to see you there yeah that's a shame
27:30you
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