- 01/06/2025
Wizards vs Aliens - S01E03 - Grazlax Attacks (1)
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TVTranscript
00:00There's no such thing as aliens.
00:02Welcome to the starship Sarantulas.
00:05I'm gonna die.
00:06Not while I'm here.
00:07No!
00:09How did you do that?
00:10It was magic, Penny.
00:14What is that?
00:15What?
00:16What?
00:17Will we ramble Luke?
00:18Guardian of the chamber!
00:21Go, Dad!
00:22No!
00:25It's wizards versus aliens.
00:27And I'm ready for them.
00:57Tom!
01:07What is up with you?
01:09Nothing.
01:10Nothing?
01:11Moose just took the ball off you and scored.
01:14Moose!
01:15We don't call him that because he's fast on his feet.
01:18It's just stuff.
01:20Stuff?
01:21And is this stuff why you missed a penalty against Middlebank High on Wednesday?
01:26I can't score every time, Quinn.
01:28I don't know.
01:29I've never seen you miss one before.
01:33Have you been hanging out with him a lot lately?
01:35What's the matter?
01:36Your footy mate's not clever enough for you now or something?
01:38Don't be a plank, Quinn.
01:41Look, it's the cup final on Monday.
01:43You better dump your stuff by then.
01:47You're not playing?
01:49How am I supposed to play football with the Necros up there?
01:56Aliens.
01:58I pinch myself every morning.
02:00Still expecting it all to turn out to be some mad dream.
02:03Everything's changed, Benny.
02:05Everything.
02:07I know they're up there.
02:08I know what they're after.
02:09Look, you might be an apprentice wizard.
02:12And the Necros might have a sweet tooth for magic.
02:14But they're still attacking Earth.
02:16Why don't we tell the army?
02:18One missile into space and...
02:20Bye-bye, Necros.
02:21And if it isn't, who knows what they'll throw back at Earth?
02:28We have to keep this secret.
02:30We have to sort this out.
02:32Wizards.
02:33That's what we're here for.
02:35To protect the Earth.
02:39This is my fight, Benny.
02:43Back to come and round my time today.
02:45I need a hand sorting out my new lab.
02:47Your lab?
02:48Yeah.
02:49Although I suppose you have to meet my parents.
02:53You didn't say anything to them, did you?
02:55About the Necros and me?
02:58Of course.
02:59And all about your grandfriend the Hobgoblin.
03:01And they believed every word.
03:05No.
03:06Of course I didn't.
03:08Never knew you were such a wind-up merchant.
03:10Never knew you were a wizard.
03:12Okay, then. Saturday.
03:13Cool.
03:22Chamber of Crow, open to me.
03:25Reveal yourself on the knock of three.
03:31I will never get over this.
03:44I almost convinced myself this was a dream.
03:47I mean, my brain is telling me it can't be real.
03:50But it is.
03:52It's magic, Benny.
03:54It'll blow you away every time.
03:55Ah!
03:56Thomas!
03:57Very good.
03:58And you brought Benny, too.
04:00Pickling peskies.
04:01The chamber will be infested by the Unenchante.
04:04Oh, Moon.
04:05Don't be a grumpy goblin.
04:06Benny's our friend.
04:08And Randal Moon, mistress, is a hobgoblin.
04:11Hob, hob, hob!
04:13He'll have been in service to the magical line of Crow 500 years.
04:17Beneath neither daylight nor stars.
04:18And still you'll be forgetting!
04:20Of all the things that take flight from my silly old bird brain,
04:26you will never be among them.
04:29My oldest, sweetest friend.
04:32Apart from anything, you're so much fun to tease.
04:35Now, the chest.
04:38There's something you wanted to tell me, Grant?
04:40Oh, yes!
04:42It's Moon's idea!
04:44A shrouding spell!
04:46I'm sorry, I'm new here.
04:48What's a shrouding spell?
04:51He's new here, too.
04:53A shrouding spell will be an enchantment to hide the magic of wizards all around the world from the sky ship.
05:01Wizards will cast their spells with no fear of the unworlded ones are spotting them.
05:07But, are you up to this, Grant?
05:09Of course not!
05:11This is a spell of three!
05:14A spell of three?
05:15Three is a special number of magic.
05:17Like you only get three spells?
05:19And a spell of three needs three wizards channelling all their magic into one spell.
05:25You'll be the third wizard, Thomas Clarke of the magical line of Crow.
05:32For me?
05:34My own magical room.
05:36The time will be here!
05:37Quickly, quickly!
05:38Be putting on the robe of magic!
05:41And what do I do?
05:43Oh, just stand quietly, dear.
05:45Maybe over there.
05:46A little way.
05:47Hear us.
05:48We'll be calling on the source to protect the children of magic from those beyond the star glittery heavens.
06:02From the frozen wastes to the wooded lands.
06:05From the mountains that touch the sky to the seas that kiss the shores of the neverside.
06:10Protect us and shroud our magic!
06:15Ra-she-da!
06:28Is that it?
06:29Are we safe?
06:31That's it?
06:32At least they won't spot us from space.
06:35But beware!
06:36We'll still be vulnerable when the necros are on earth.
06:51I want more wizards!
06:54Apologies, father.
06:58Since our encounter with the boy wizard and his family, word has escaped among the wizard kind of our presence.
07:05And appetites.
07:06I should have drank him and the old crone when I had the opportunity.
07:12Do not vex yourself, my father.
07:15I have a stratagem to end your woes.
07:18Really, sister.
07:20I cannot wait.
07:22Tom Clark's scent.
07:24Distilled from surfaces he touched aboard the Xerantulas.
07:31And how does this put magic in my belly?
07:34What we need is something to track Tom Clark.
07:38Something that can't be stopped.
07:41Something determined that will stalk him.
07:44Trap him.
07:45Suck the magic from his shattered bones.
07:48And bring it to you, my father.
07:50Guards!
07:52Now!
07:56Sister, you have taken this from the zone of quarantine.
07:59It will serve our purpose.
08:01This is a strategy of a match!
08:02Environmental conditions on Earth are safe for its release.
08:07Then do it!
08:09Set the grasslax on the boy wizard.
08:11And await his screams!
08:13Screams!
08:14Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
08:18HaGet in your voice!
08:19Woooow!
08:20ููููุงใูู
08:32Katie! What are you up to?
08:34Just doing a job from my dad. Delivering leaflets. Bored him.
08:38Not cool.
08:39Be cool with the two of us.
08:43I'd like to, but I can't. I'm sorry.
08:47No worries.
08:50Wait, you're going to Benny's?
08:52I said I'd give him a hand at building a lab.
08:54What is it with you two? You've got really matey all of a sudden.
08:57Didn't you know?
08:59Gigs are gone, Al.
09:00The only way Benny's ever going to be cool is sat in a snowdrink.
09:04Watch she doesn't blow you up.
09:22You must be Tom. I'm Trisha. It's so lovely to meet you, really. I can't tell you.
09:29Hello.
09:30Benny's nearly done. That's him practising.
09:34Bless him.
09:35He's so excited you've come over.
09:37I just know it. Come in. Come in.
09:45Do you play the violin, Tom?
09:46Um, no.
09:48No.
09:50From the sound of it, neither does Benny.
09:52Tom.
09:53Sorry to interrupt the maestro.
09:59Hi.
10:00Tom, this is Richard.
10:02Hi, Tom.
10:03Good to meet you.
10:04Are you a musician there, Mr. Showers?
10:12Uh, not really, no. And it's Richard.
10:16And Trisha. Do you play any instruments, Tom?
10:18Um, I play a bit of electric guitar.
10:20Well, I hope that's not too, uh, noisy for your family.
10:24Would you like some lemonade, Tom? It's homemade.
10:27Yes, we don't believe in that chemical bilge water in the shops. Not good for the grey matter. Eh, Benny?
10:32Or there's fresh orange juice. Or peppermint tea. Benny loves his herbal infusions.
10:39Uh, no thanks, Mrs. Uh, Trisha.
10:44Mum and Dad both work in IT.
10:47But, aprรจs le travail, we do enjoy the transition from ASCII to Accelerando.
10:55Come on. The lab's up back.
11:00Uh, yes, we'll do sandwiches later. Our own bread. Organic. You'll love it, Tom.
11:05Yeah. Laters.
11:07He seems such a nice boy. And he's Benny's friend. At last.
11:16So your folks are...
11:17Embarrassing.
11:18I was going to say, all right.
11:20Embarrassing's more accurate.
11:22Uh, they're okay. It's you that drinks the herbal infusions.
11:26Yeah. Funny.
11:30I love them.
11:33They drive me mad.
11:35Everything is organic and chemical-free.
11:37So it doesn't mess up my brains.
11:39I need a whole glass of E numbers before I can even look at my homework.
11:42And there's all the books, and the music lessons, and the quizzes.
11:46The quizzes?
11:48Yeah. We have quiz nights.
11:50Quiz nights?
11:50.
11:51Seriously?
11:53It's all to stimulate me.
11:55What?
11:55I'm supposed to be gifted.
11:59What, like a genius?
12:01How many times have I blown stuff up at school?
12:04Haven't you ever wondered why they don't kick me out?
12:06Think about it.
12:19Welcome to the shed of dread.
12:21The scene of hideous experiments that could warp the mind.
12:25Such as?
12:30It's a telly.
12:33To you, it's a telly.
12:35To Mum and Dad, it's like the brain cell equivalent of a black hole.
12:40They don't let you watch TV?
12:42Come on. They're not the net cross.
12:44They let me watch TV.
12:46As long as it's educational.
12:50So they don't know you've got this?
12:52Yes. And this whole lab thing is really a cover-up so you can come and watch Toto Wipeout.
13:01You really are a genius.
13:02Did you hear something?
13:20Next door's cat.
13:21Mum gets fed up with it messing up her flower beds.
13:24Are you monitoring the grasslacks?
13:29Yes.
13:31Reading suggests it has found the boy was in scent.
13:33His screams will be loud.
13:36And short.
13:36So, your parents.
13:39Are they rich?
13:41I mean, that's a big house.
13:42Dad's got his own company.
13:44He's a software genius.
13:46Guess that's where I get it from.
13:47You know, I can be a genius too.
13:52And put this whole place together with the click of my fingers.
13:56There's a match on later.
13:58This is my lab.
13:59It's a magic-free zone.
14:01I'm not using magic as a real...
14:03Ball.
14:04A shorter!
14:10Net cross or no net cross?
14:12You just can't help showing off.
14:13Can you?
14:14Sorry.
14:14It was just instinct.
14:17If the net cross show up now, and you're one spelled down,
14:20don't say I didn't tell you.
14:24What was that?
14:26It was just a cat from next door.
14:28Stop freaking me out.
14:30I'm not freaking you out.
14:31That is.
14:35You know, for a scientist, you can be pretty irrational.
14:38It must be something to do with having a wizard for a mate.
14:42Look, it's just a cat on the roof.
14:43Scratching is what cats do.
14:49Doesn't look like any cat to me.
14:56Lick it!
15:00Tom!
15:00Get off!
15:01Get off!
15:02Don't run it!
15:03It's not my leg!
15:04I'm on it!
15:09I've got it!
15:09What are you doing?
15:16Get rid of it!
15:17I'm trying to!
15:20Whatever are they playing at down there?
15:24Hockey, I think.
15:27You don't think Benny's friend might be a bit too sporty for him?
15:31Sport is good for a boy.
15:34Reminds him how much more comfortably he is in the classroom.
15:36Pass the pick-a-lilly for me, will you?
15:45Lily!
15:46What is that?
15:52One of yours or one of theirs?
15:53Goblin, that alien!
15:55I can feel magic in anything from the niverside.
15:57That's alien.
15:59They're necrosis of centre.
16:01They must have.
16:01Boys, lunch is ready.
16:07Hurry up!
16:09Boys!
16:10Yes, Dad?
16:11Come in!
16:15What are we going to do?
16:16Come on!
16:18Sandwiches are curling!
16:19Can't think on an empty stomach.
16:21So, Tom, your father's a veterinarian.
16:32Must be a very smart man.
16:34Never really thought about it.
16:36And what about you?
16:37When you leave school, what do you want to do?
16:40And please don't say you want to be a footballer.
16:42So many young people these days want to be footballers,
16:45or actors, or pop stars.
16:47It's as if they've forgotten they have brains.
16:49I, um, I'm not sure.
16:56Not sure?
16:59Tom wants to save the world.
17:01Ah, an environmentalist.
17:03Tom, that's brilliant.
17:04It's brilliant.
17:05Yes, we like to do our bit, don't we, darling?
17:07We have a sustainable multi-fuel boiler in the basement, you know.
17:11Oh!
17:14Is everything all right?
17:15I mean, cool.
17:19I mean, great.
17:20Yeah, it's really banging.
17:24Blue Limonade?
17:25Please.
17:27No!
17:28Tom?
17:30I mean, let me.
17:32Oh, thank you, Tom.
17:33You know, we took Benny to look around Oxford last summer.
17:38Really?
17:39Trinity?
17:41Richard went to Trinity College.
17:42We'd love for Benny to go there, too.
17:44And we took some photographs.
17:45You must see them, Tom.
17:46Tom doesn't want to see those.
17:48Yes, I do.
17:52I bet they're really distracting.
17:55Ha!
17:56Excellent!
17:56I'll get them out.
17:57You should go and help him, Mum.
17:59You know what Dad's like.
18:01He's a mathematical genius, but he couldn't match up a pair of socks to save his life.
18:09He's going to get out, isn't he?
18:11We've got to get rid of your Mum and Dad.
18:13We can't let them see what's down there.
18:14And how do we do that?
18:15Have you got a gran?
18:18Or someone on the other side of the city that they worry about?
18:22I've got a great-uncle Clarence.
18:24Why?
18:25No!
18:25You're not casting spells over my Mum and Dad.
18:28Then you give me a better idea.
18:32Do it!
18:34Mission for that!
18:37We've had a phone call.
18:39Your great-uncle Clarence.
18:40He's flooded the house.
18:41I never even heard the phone.
18:43You know what he's like.
18:43You boys can look after yourselves, can't you?
18:45See you later.
18:46Benny, don't eat too much Piccadilly.
18:47You know what it does to your insides.
18:49Bye, baby boy.
18:52When they come back, maybe you can use your last spell of the day to make them cooler.
19:02It's out.
19:03Mum and Dad!
19:13Don't worry, sweetheart.
19:15I'm sure he'll be all right.
19:16You look after him, won't you, Tom?
19:17Yeah, sure.
19:18Be good, boys.
19:27At least they're safe.
19:28It's in the house.
19:38It's in the house.
19:54It's gone upstairs.
19:55Oh, boy.
19:57You really are a genius.
19:59Where are you going?
20:01That kid may be not such a genius.
20:03We need a plan.
20:04Find it.
20:05Deal with it.
20:06And football's on the telly at three.
20:07That's what wizards call a plan.
20:09Who needs a plan when you've got magic?
20:11Maybe it's hiding.
20:31Could be more scared of us than we are of it.
20:34It didn't look all that scared to me.
20:37Typical defensive reflex.
20:39Dog doesn't bite you because it's mean.
20:40It's because it's scared.
20:42Look, if you want to put it on a couch and ask it questions about growing up as an ankle
20:46stabber, fine.
20:47But first, we're going to fix it so it can't bite our arms off.
20:54That's my room.
20:55Quietly.
21:20Quietly.
21:25Quietly.
21:25Quietly.
21:25Quietly.
21:26Quietly.
21:26I don't know.
21:56Be careful.
22:26What now?
22:32My face, I need that.
22:43Gotcha.
22:44Gotcha?
22:44That thing bit from my tennis record,
22:46wrecked my bed?
22:47How long will a wicker basket hold it?
22:49Long enough to call my dad
22:51so we can work out what to do with it.
22:52He's a very non-exterminator.
22:55I don't believe it.
22:56I'm going to quit it.
22:59It's getting out.
23:00What are you doing?
23:01It's getting out.
23:02It's a Sugoi Konzoku robot.
23:04A what?
23:04It's rare.
23:05You really are a dick.
23:06It's not good.
23:14It's getting out.
23:15Run for it.
23:16I think that will keep it out.
23:25Who knows?
23:35I think it's gone.
23:37A thing like that?
23:38I don't think it just goes.
23:44I've used up all my spells.
23:46And it's got us trapped.
23:48We need help.
23:57Well?
23:58Let's cut the phone off.
23:59Whatever that thing is,
24:01it's smart.
24:02We are in big trouble.
24:04Mum and Dad won't be able to clarify this forever.
24:07Especially when I find there's nothing wrong.
24:08What are we going to do?
24:12What was that?
24:13Whatever it is,
24:15it's not good.
24:24What's it doing?
24:27It's in the wall.
24:28What?
24:28How can it be in the wall?
24:30Listen to it.
24:34It's not in the wall.
24:35It's in the chimney.
24:36There are fireplaces all through the house.
24:38The chimneys must be connected.
24:46Do something.
24:53What can we do now?
24:55I don't know.
24:58What?
24:59What?
25:04Come on then, Neville.
25:05You want some of this?
25:06It's just a hair dryer.
25:07You want maybe?
25:08It doesn't know that.
25:12Yeah?
25:12You don't like that, do you, Neville?
25:14What is happening?
25:17The body temperature of the grass lax is increasing.
25:20Rapidly.
25:21What?
25:22I don't understand.
25:23Nor do I.
25:25But I'm reading major metabolic irregularities.
25:27How's that for a blow-dry?
25:30Well, then it's really telling me.
25:35The body temperature is intensified.
25:39Vital signs are turning critical.
25:41I've seen nothing like this before.
25:44It's backing off!
25:45It's like the hot air drying it out!
25:50You're not such a toppy-tappy now, are you?
25:52That should hold in for a while.
26:07I'm reading intense molecular instability.
26:11Massive biological reactions.
26:13What is happening to the grass lax?
26:16So now, we have to work out what we're going to do with it.
26:19What is that?
26:22I don't even want to guess.
26:29Well?
26:30You've got the inquiring mind!
26:37Maybe some things you just don't want to know.
26:39It's your bathroom!
26:40Come on.
26:49I can't hear anything.
26:51Come out of the way!
26:55Do it.
27:10I think it died.
27:12It's like it exploded.
27:14Or something exploded out of him.
27:35It didn't explode!
27:36It had kids!
27:37It's awesome!
27:47We must take action immediately.
27:49The Zerantulas can exterminate the threat with a blast from the ion pulse cannon.
27:54Destroy the habitation!
27:55Do it!
27:56Put the Zerantulas into full battle mode!
27:59They're obviously intelligent. Maybe we can reason with it.
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