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03:46I hope I've had a bath.
03:49What?
03:50In fragrant essence.
03:52Hello, Matalo.
03:56There's no happy medium with him, is there?
03:58Either it's ferrets or...
03:59Or fragrant essence of ferrets.
04:01That is a new bath time novelty.
04:04Smells like a scarlet woman.
04:06What do you know about scarlet women?
04:08The dearest I've ever made is pale pink.
04:12On that subject, my lips are sealed.
04:14Aye, and I bet you had both hands on your wallet
04:17and your legs crossed.
04:19I dropped a pin now.
04:20Ah, leave it, you great ninny.
04:23I'll do it.
04:25It's a long time since we've been to a wedding.
04:28Oh, well, I dare say we'll soon get the hang of it.
04:31With this lot there, we never know what we might get.
04:34Cos I hope there's not going to be any fighting.
04:36Ah, don't be daft.
04:37Everybody fights at weddings.
04:40I don't believe it's actually compulsory.
04:42No, but there's such a thing as tradition, isn't there?
04:47I think we should leave immediately after the wedding cake.
04:50What?
04:51And Mr Boo's up?
04:53Yes, definitely.
04:54The combination of your relations and alcohol
04:56fills me with a deep foreboding.
05:00Our Eric hardly touches a drop.
05:02No, but on the other hand,
05:03what your Eric touches,
05:04he tends to drop straight into his pocket.
05:06Don't worry, there'll be keeping an eye on him.
05:09He won't nicknout.
05:11No, you see what we're in for, don't you?
05:13It's the social event of the year.
05:15Don't worry, Foggy.
05:16It's a bit like flying, really.
05:18When you consider how many weddings there are,
05:21it makes you realise what a safe way it is to go.
05:25It's just that with regard to weddings,
05:27if there is an accident,
05:29then it's usually rather a nasty one.
05:33Why don't you polish that mirror?
05:36Now, if you remind me straight after the wedding,
05:37I'll show you how to get a high gloss
05:39on all your bright surfaces.
05:41And you can't say fairer than that.
05:45Oh, I can't do it.
05:47What do I want the polish mirror for?
05:52You genuinely don't realise, do you,
05:55what great pleasure there is to be got
05:57from polishing things.
06:02Well, are you ready, then?
06:03What? No, no, wait, wait.
06:05I've got to get me ready.
06:06He-he.
06:08Oh, I say, I say, I...
06:10Now, that is, that's very nice.
06:12Yes.
06:12And it works.
06:13Yes, very tasty.
06:16I think so.
06:18You know, there are times when you astonish me.
06:20What?
06:20Well, what he means is
06:22that he's just got used to you
06:23as a no-good scruff.
06:26You see?
06:27And then you've come up with something
06:29stolen like this.
06:31I got that from our illness clock.
06:33Oh, I'd like to check it.
06:34Just checking.
06:34No hard feelings, eh?
06:37I know when I'm hurt.
06:40How?
06:42I'll get this craving for cheese.
06:44Why don't you fight it?
06:46Oh, I can't, I can't.
06:47I'm basically a weak persona.
06:50Is that why they cut your ears off?
06:53What happened?
06:55Heck, they were there a couple of minutes ago.
06:57Yeah, well, get them found
06:58and let's get this present wrapped up.
07:00What do we want to wrap it up for?
07:02Have you no sense of occasion?
07:05You want to make this into a neat parcel?
07:07Now, where's the box it came in?
07:08Oh, over here.
07:09I don't suppose you've got any fancy wrapping paper,
07:11have you?
07:12No, but I've got some of them red letters
07:14from the electricity pod.
07:15Well, they do.
07:17Now, perhaps you can borrow some nice paper
07:19from Nora Batty.
07:21Oh, I wouldn't go next door.
07:22She's in a very anti-social mood this morning.
07:28Here.
07:30Wait.
07:30There's a way of doing these things
07:38without upsetting people.
07:40It's called politeness.
07:49It's a question of having an instant
07:51for the common courtesies
07:52that smooth the pathways of life.
07:55Good morning, madam.
07:56And don't be inviting everybody back to the house.
08:15Me?
08:16Yes, you.
08:17You get some mail down you
08:18and you start acting like Charlie Claus.
08:20You're rubbish.
08:22Just watch your big generous mouth, that's all.
08:24I don't mind a select few back here afterwards,
08:27but what this place doesn't need
08:29is a mob of the bridegroom's relations.
08:31He can't help his relations.
08:33He doesn't have to.
08:34They'll help them blasted selves.
08:36And I want you to keep an eye out
08:38when in presence.
08:39Now, don't go looking for trouble, Madge.
08:41Not today.
08:43Looking for it?
08:44We've even sent out printed invitations.
08:46Just be thankful she's marrying a nice quiet lad.
08:50That's another thing.
08:51Do you think she'll ever teach him to talk?
08:53Be shy.
08:54You can be worse things than shy.
08:57Besides, once he's married,
08:59when will he ever get a chance to talk?
09:05It's time, Gordon.
09:09Gordon?
09:10Are you in there?
09:13Gordon!
09:14I'll be out in a minute, ma'am.
09:19Well, taxi's due,
09:20and Mrs Wummack's come round to wish you all the best.
09:23I don't know Mrs Wummack.
09:25Of course you know Mrs Wummack.
09:26She plays organ at Wheat Sheaf.
09:29I'll never go in.
09:30Well, I do.
09:32Perhaps she's come to wish you all the best.
09:35Gordon, come out!
09:37Mrs Wummack's downstairs
09:38and wants to have a drink with you.
09:40It's too early.
09:42You don't have to drink, love.
09:45Just be pleasant while she drinks to you.
09:48How long have you been going in the Wheat Sheaf?
09:50Does it matter?
09:51You want to get married, don't you, love?
09:57Of course I want to get married.
09:59It's just that there's going to be too many people there.
10:02You know, you ought to try to like people.
10:05I do.
10:06Behind their backs.
10:08Sorry to meet them, I can't stand.
10:10Oh, you're queer.
10:12I know there's been a lot of rumours,
10:13but they should stop now for a while.
10:18And now, you see,
10:19all we need to do
10:20is to fix it firmly
10:21with some sticky tape.
10:23Er, Foggy, there is...
10:24Just a minute, just a minute.
10:25But, Foggy, there is...
10:26Just a moment.
10:27But, Foggy, look, David...
10:29I'll be finished in just a moment.
10:33Then, Walt, listen.
10:34He's a man of action.
10:36Napoleon was just the same.
10:37I have been with you in a moment.
10:40Oh, you've got to admire
10:42his powers of concentration.
10:44It's wonderful how far you can go
10:47in the direction of leadership
10:48without ever actually
10:50listening to anybody.
10:52There now.
10:54Doesn't that look better?
10:55Oh, true.
10:56It's marvellous, marvellous.
10:57There's just one thing, Foggy.
10:59Hmm?
11:08What's in here, then, you fool?
11:09Nothing.
11:10That was why he was trying to tell me.
11:11Yes, he was trying to tell me.
11:13No!
11:13No, don't be, Father.
11:14No doubt there'll be a professional
11:24hack photographer there,
11:26but when it comes to catching
11:28spontaneity, you know,
11:29those little transient moments
11:31of informality.
11:32Give me a talented amateur
11:34every time.
11:35Oh, every time.
11:36he's having to mingle,
11:38oh, not trusively,
11:39with the other guests.
11:41Now, that's another secret
11:42of good photography.
11:43Now, the man behind the shutter
11:44must be inconspicuous.
11:48Oh, stop mauling that parcel
11:49about, will you?
11:50Put it away.
11:51I've got so much sticky tape
11:53on her cheek of a wink
11:54that undo it.
11:55Put it in your pocket.
11:56Half the joy of a gift
11:58is in the unwrapping.
11:59That's what I keep telling
12:00Nora about it,
12:01but she won't unwrapping out.
12:04Don't show yourself up.
12:06I want you to make
12:06a good impression today.
12:08He must become a peasant.
12:10Doesn't he know that you're
12:11really an international playboy
12:13on Jewel's feet?
12:15He must have forgot.
12:17Well, you could fool him
12:18with that disguise.
12:19Oh, that's almost perfect.
12:22What they're talking about
12:23is absolutely perfect.
12:29How do you, Eric?
12:38Say hi, kid.
12:39Hey, Malcolm.
12:41Do you want a beer, kid?
12:41Who after?
12:43Not just yet, thank you.
12:45What you doing?
12:47Come on.
12:48Here.
12:49That was like poof.
12:52That's a little price, mate.
12:53If they must drink in the street,
12:55the least they could do
12:56is use a glass.
12:58I've a good mind
12:58to go and get two glasses
12:59and take them out to them.
13:00Foggy, I want you
13:01to promise me something.
13:02I want you to promise me
13:03that on this festive occasion
13:04you will not go around
13:05like a suicidal lion tamer
13:07with that pair of great,
13:08shaggy, terrifying creatures.
13:11I know how to handle men.
13:14That's our milk and our Eddie.
13:16One can only hope
13:17they don't breed in captivity.
13:21Hang on.
13:22I'm coming.
13:25Oh, well.
13:26I told him he'd be here.
13:29Hello, Bill.
13:30Gordon, come on.
13:31Stop dawning.
13:32Everybody's waiting.
13:33Go on, you daft thing.
13:34Hey, Gordon,
13:36have you got your own place, lad?
13:37Go get your head of your mum.
13:41Get him out.
13:42Gordon!
13:43Gordon!
13:44Gordon!
13:45Gordon!
13:46Haven't you forgot, Summert?
13:55No, you daft ape!
13:56You're best man!
13:58Oh, you daft ape!
13:58You're a gormless thing, you are.
14:03Dammit!
14:05I fancy a bird.
14:08She wants a man, not a marlene.
14:10I don't like anybody else looking at her.
14:13Tough.
14:14Like you've just been looking at her.
14:17I might decide to offer her my protection.
14:20She's had mine, ever since her husband ran away.
14:23It hasn't got you very far.
14:25Time somebody else had a go.
14:26Oh, yeah.
14:32Yeah.
14:35Yeah.
14:36Listen.
14:36Yeah.
14:37Why don't we go to some other wedding?
14:38Yeah.
14:43Come on, be quick.
14:45Oh, you are slow.
14:46Go on, lad.
14:46Get out of there.
14:47Oh.
14:52Oh.
14:54If you didn't want to be conspicuous,
14:56you picked a hell of a best man.
14:59Come on, lad.
15:00Come on, lad.
15:01Hurry up.
15:04Get in.
15:05Steady, steady.
15:06Oh!
15:07No!
15:09It's all right.
15:10I'll drive.
15:11It'll give me something to do.
15:12It'll give me something to do.
15:29Oh!
15:30come on love oh I knew you'd do me proud that's it come on I'm so glad you're able to come
15:42just come on love make yourselves at home then we'll all go to church in minibus
15:46well anyway you do know Flo and Fred don't you can't be a minute if I just take me curlers out
16:16ha ha ha ha ha ha
16:46Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:48Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:52Hmm.
17:01Get, get, get out, get out of here.
17:05Oh!
17:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
17:30Have a peppermint.
17:31I don't smoke.
17:35Would you like a...
17:37Oh.
17:38Not just now, thank you.
17:40Not just now, thank you.
17:49Haven't you ever seen a non-peppermint eater before?
17:57You see what you get when you do away with National Service.
18:00I never got that when they did away with National Service.
18:05Oh!
18:06Oh, dear, this barf!
18:08You'll have to prune that shrubbery, you know.
18:11You're going to get green fly in your ear.
18:13Oh!
18:14Oh!
18:15Oh!
18:16Oh!
18:17Oh!
18:18Look, look at that!
18:19Oh!
18:20Oh!
18:21Oh!
18:22Oh!
18:23Oh!
18:24Oh!
18:25Oh!
18:26Oh, get off!
18:27Come on!
18:28God knows what they might get up to if you get amongst your bushes.
18:31Oh!
18:32Oh!
18:33Yes!
18:35Oh!
18:36Oh!
18:37Oh!
18:38Oh!
18:39Oh!
18:40Oh!
18:41Are we all ready then?
18:42Oh!
18:43Oh, are we all ready then?
18:44I'm so sorry to have spoilt your cosy little chat.
18:46Come on, Artie, go!
18:47Minibus is waiting!
18:48Oh, you do look nice in that apt flow.
18:49Come on, Love, Harry.
18:50Oh, you know what flow's like if you keep awake.
18:51Oh!
18:52There we are.
18:53Go on!
18:54Get out of there!
18:55Julie! It isn't your turn yet!
18:59Go on your route and get out into that minibus!
19:02I don't know. God help us.
19:16F-16.
19:18Oh, that's nice language for a church, that is.
19:25Come on. Come on now. Come on.
19:46Come on!
19:55No, you're sitting in the light. You... you didn't... you...
19:58I've told you innumerable times not to stand in my light.
20:02Since when has it bring you a light all of a sudden?
20:05Do you want to stop in sunlight?
20:08Do you want to stop in sunlight?
20:09No, you're sitting in the light. You... you didn't... you...
20:11I've told you innumerable times not to stand in my light.
20:14Since when has it bring you a light all of a sudden?
20:16Do you want to stop in sunlight?
20:17You've got a keen photographer's instinct, Foggy,
20:19for not exposing yourself in front of big shaggy fellas.
20:22You've got a keen photographer's instinct, Foggy,
20:24for not exposing yourself in front of big shaggy fellas.
20:28You've got a keen photographer's instinct, Foggy,
20:41for not exposing yourself in front of big shaggy fellas.
20:45LAUGHTER
21:08I should ask for a last fag in a blindfold if I were you.
21:17Hey.
21:19Have a bite.
21:22I don't know what you're going on about.
21:27He's the one that's getting away.
21:30Now, listen.
21:32Oh, God.
21:34Dolly, we'll sit here.
22:04Look!
22:07OK, OK.
22:14Uh, would you like a kiss?
22:16Oh, thanks.
22:17There's something up there on the board.
22:19Ah.
22:20Psst.
22:21Psst.
22:22Come on.
22:23I'll find you for you.
22:24Oh, it is nice.
22:25I'm gentle.
22:26Come on.
22:27Come on.
22:29Come on.
22:30You.
22:31You.
22:32You're right.
22:33See you, Will.
22:34Hm, you-
22:36Hey, it's your good!
22:38Hi!
22:39Hi.
22:40Hi.
22:41Hi.
22:42Hi.
22:43Hi.
22:44Hi!
22:45Hi!
22:55Hi!
22:56Hi!
22:57Hi.
22:58I'll be back.
23:28they're not paying now they send us a bill it's not right to keep people
23:41just remember you're going to be on view forever in your wedding photographs try
23:46not to look like a father who's uneasy in his best suit you've seen so many
23:50times in wedding photographs embarrassed fathers pining for their overalls
24:20come on I can't find the ring
24:27oh hello oh oh what are you doing shut up he's nicked me but no shut up
24:49ah
25:19dear me how very unfortunate and who is to be the new best man
25:32is me uncle Bill
25:41in that case what about it you'll be great shall we get going
25:49in sickness and in health to love cherish and to obey to love cherish and to obey till
26:07death us do part and thereto I give thee my trough till death us do part and thereto I
26:17the ring the ring the ring the ring the ring have you got the ring oh it's gone to the hospital
26:44with the other best man can't somebody fetch it please did you have to volunteer you forget I've
26:57been trained to make rapid decisions in emergencies but did you have to volunteer for me well I'm not
27:02traveling alone with these two argumentative gentlemen do I have to make a speech if I'm
27:06the best man not right now your quickest way is Demby Street rubbish I'm telling you turn down
27:13Demby Street oh my god they're fighting over the wheel
27:16oh
27:20oh
27:27oh
27:29oh
27:31oh
27:33oh
27:35oh
27:37oh
27:50oh
27:51oh
27:52oh
27:54oh
27:55oh
27:55oh
27:56oh
27:59oh