Comedian Gary Gulman on The John DeBella Show

Beasley Digital

Transcript

00:00the the incredible the wonderfully talented oh thank you well it's so nice just not to have you

00:19here at christmas oh yeah yeah for years it was oh yes you were like our last comic of the year

00:24well do you know why why because it it's i wasn't very well known and so they would give me one of

00:32the one of the least popular weeks and and then i started to develop some some of a really nice

00:40fan base here in philadelphia and now i'm coming in october which is which is such a thrill and a

00:46real validation of my of my comedy and they they added a 5 p.m on saturday show so so i don't do

00:53they still show cartoons on saturday morning after the the end of super friends you can come

00:58over to the it's the early comedy special that's what it is it's it's always really fun because

01:04the the expectations are so low and and so i i do very well and how does it feel to be a super

01:10bowl champion oh my god it feels great except we're two and three now i i i found out something

01:15about gary gary gellman is here not to be confused with someone on our text board who believes how is

01:20it possible that we're going to have gary coleman yeah this morning but why did they actually have

01:25to text it that they could have just said oh yeah he died it must be somebody with a similar name

01:31and and instead of torturing me listen a couple of shovels and work ethic and gary coleman's in

01:37studio now now i found out something today about gary that i never knew before he's from massachusetts

01:44he's from boston he came out of the boston comedy scene yes but sounds nothing like a guy from

01:48massachusetts right all right you know and and uh and thank you for bringing up the eagles win

01:53over the patriots yes right is that something you cared about i i cared but i i must say and maybe i

02:01was just rationalizing i thought you know what philadelphia could use a super bowl championship

02:07yeah yeah yeah they're so dedicated to the eagles and it was such a nice story i read i mean those

02:13players seem like really good people and which you don't see much in football sure and uh and so i

02:20was i was actually buoyed by by that and and i don't know if you know any other patriots fans but

02:27they're they're uh so spoiled so obnoxious so spoiled and and the fact that they didn't win

02:34the super bowl they considered the season a failure and it's just we we i think you guys

02:40are much more deserving well thank you yeah thank you very much so and i have friends from philadelphia

02:45and it made them so happy yeah yeah oh yeah we were we were riding we're still riding on that yeah

02:49right we're sucking wind on the field right now but we're still riding on that win i haven't had as

02:54much interest in the red sox since since 2004 i'm fine everything else has been has been icing i'm i was

03:02so thrilled that they won and the manner in which they won in 2004 i haven't really yeah because i i

03:08grew up and we we just lost and there was just such a pessimism and right i was i was a sad kid and i

03:15think the red sox contributed to it i i i had the disposition of of charlie brown had snoopy died

03:22i really feel and i feel that the red sox lack of victories contributed to that yes just knowing

03:33that the football was always going to be pulled away from me at the last second so what so i know

03:37nothing about your background i mean for some reason i thought you're from the midwest or something

03:40like that tell me about like being a kid growing up

03:43west uh i i grew up in an unusual sect of judaism uh-huh called poor

03:49what yes yes that's a thing

03:54yes it is a thing

03:59we uh we were on food stamps and free lunch and but but my parents they they went out of their way to

04:06make us not feel poor they would always say if there's something you really want just ask for it

04:10we'll try to find the money but of course what what parents do is they just talk you out of

04:15hunting whatever it was so so i remember one year i wanted to play hockey but but i'm i'm i'm six

04:20foot six now and i would grow every year i would grow out of the equipment and so hockey is incredibly

04:26expensive and so they just i said i want to play hockey they said if you really want to play hockey

04:32we'll try to find the money for you to play this sport that you've shown absolutely no potential

04:37not only have you shown no potential in hockey but jews as a whole

04:42let's let's look at the hockey hall of fame and uh we'll count the jews

04:49done

04:51there are none there are zero jews in the hockey just for a point of comparison gary more jews have been

04:59the messiah do you do you understand that that you're more likely to be jesus than you are to

05:07make the hockey hall of fame yeah you're more likely to walk on water than you are to skate on it

05:12yeah so there was constant insecurity about finances as well as the fact that i you guys are too young

05:22to know this but there was a there was a hysteria over over kidnapping in the 1980s and what what

05:29happened was uh a man told everyone on the news programs that 50 000 children a year were being

05:34abducted so the country went into a panic and then we would later find out that the figure was closer to

05:39300 he was off by 50 000 but but everybody behaved like it was 50 000 and and we were all so afraid of

05:51strangers and cynical and there's not a person my age who doesn't break into a sprint every time

05:57they see a van slow down yeah vans still haven't recovered they still haven't recovered poor vans

06:03poor vans it was such an economical way to get around places with big families and then they became

06:10this scourge and and the other thing was there was really nothing we can do we didn't have any the

06:15technology to recover the the children we didn't have text messages or amber alerts or social media

06:23all we had was milk this sounds this sounds made up what they would do is they would put a picture of

06:34missing kids and this is what you would be greeted every morning before school at breakfast you would

06:40share the you would share breakfast with with uh cap'n crunch and a missing kid and the kid would

06:48the look on the kid was just how can you eat how can you just eat the cap'n

06:56it always irritated me that it it's captain right except with this this cap cap'n

07:01cap'n insane contraction yeah yeah no sense yes this informal abbreviation that kids are confused

07:10by this and and i i've always believed it was because um the captain's military credentials were

07:17fraudulent so they they weren't legally allowed to call him a captain captain captain and and so

07:23i remember thinking well what am i supposed to do about this missing kid i'm i'm six all right and

07:30he's in ohio yeah i know i know it's not even in my in my development mom i'm gonna miss school today

07:39the the the creamery has me on another case i'm sure i'm sure it's a dead end but i'll i'll run it up the flag

07:47hole now i'm going to assume that that that you went to public school i did go to public school of

07:54course yes yes where where there were like uh it was the 70s right so that there were there were

08:00budget cuts there were like 80 kids to a class and wow like i i really admire millennials are you guys

08:08concerned yeah yeah yeah all to them they're they're much nicer to each other and and more thoughtful and

08:15i and and and part of it is just they're they're that they're more decent human beings but the other

08:19thing is i think that they were better hydrated than we were growing up yeah that makes sense like

08:24a lot of times i wouldn't get my first sip of water until like thursday the teacher would march us

08:30down and and the entire the entire experience was was fraught because a lot of times if you got too

08:37close to the drinking fountain spout somebody would smash your head into the spigot which is

08:45like they they considered it a prank in the 1970s now it's it's rightly categorized as as felony

08:51assault at the time it's just this fun this fun prank and and then the teacher she would say one

08:59mississippi two mississippi three mississippi next and and i would protest i would say you're costing me an

09:06entire syllable of hydration with your with your pigeon english it's mississippi it's not mississippi

09:14it's mississippi but but how appropriate that you would use mississippi to carry out your unjust

09:20drinking fountain policy

09:25very precocious

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