Comedian Steve Byrne on The John DeBella Show

Beasley Digital

Transcript

00:00I'm awesome thanks guys good morning good thank you so much for having me appreciate it this is a

00:26young crew how old are you buddy looks like he just put a curly one on the soap this kid look at

00:31he's just beaming just beaming I did it dad how are you doing good good IP standing up look dad

00:43great to be here thank you well I won't even get into that the the the the fact that we heard in

00:49the uh in the green room about uh someone's son oh yeah yeah yeah yeah is she in the room meredith

00:55meredith yeah she's waving in the window right now have four-year-olds poop in his pants

01:00she has two sons and one will not be an astronaut how are your kids you got a boy and a girl

01:06yeah all right the last time we left off you were hoping that uh that she became an athlete of some

01:11kind so you could retire yeah yeah yeah yeah she's uh she's softball taekwondo my son is in taekwondo

01:18the yeah he's he's connecting I throw him some pictures yeah they're athletic they're pretty

01:22all right is that the taekwondo is that from like your mother's side of the family here we go

01:25here we go here we go I get it he always asked me to take my shoes off before I come in the studio

01:31too well racist everybody you know and it happens and I know you do it in your act you son of a bit

01:36yes because his father is iris your mother is korean i'm korean and i'm irish i'm caucasian and

01:43i'm asian which the proper term for that is called caucasian one thing's about it and there you go

01:51now what is this you've got you've got you've got a movie coming and a special coming and in the

01:58special yeah it's like a talk show except nobody's on the show you're the opening comic you do you do

02:04the monologue yeah then you do the desk part you do the panel yeah and then you go and do stand-up

02:10yeah i do stand-up throughout the whole thing so it'll look like when you turn it on it'll look

02:15like a talk show but i'll be the only one on the talk show so i grew up um i'm a huge carson fan so

02:22i still go back i have all the dvds and stuff all of them but like the the collections that they've

02:27released and nobody did a monologue like him he's so just like fluid and bob hope i got i went down

02:33this bob hope rabbit hole in a danger field rabbit hole and i just thought there's nowadays it's so

02:39politically divisive right and a lot of the comics steer obviously hard left and they really go

02:45after trump and i just thought why can't you find that middle ground and have these fun kind of

02:49carcinist monologue jokes so we could try some out you guys want to try some out we'll see how this

02:53goes uh yeah all right the london daily mail recently published a men's health study which

02:57says at least for men having sex burns the same amount of calories is running six miles i find that

03:03ridiculous because no man ever ran six miles in 48 seconds up top pfizer like it drug company

03:10pfizer has announced they've developed a morning after pill for men it changes your phone number and

03:14dna one more time boom any catholics catholics yeah tough time to be a catholic uh my my parents are

03:22very devout recently went to rome visited the vatican they told me this i had no idea the pope is

03:26protected by a 40-foot wall surrounding the perimeter of the vatican also protected by his own private

03:31security detail the police force of rome and the italian army that is the most protection a catholic

03:37has ever used uh kim kardashian was asking she could take a selfie with anyone dead or alive who

03:45would it be her answer jesus christ but i think we can all agree he has suffered enough

03:50national geographic has recently revealed a study that says that human beings and dolphins are the

03:56only two animals on this planet that have sex for fun as soon as this report was revealed west

04:01virginians have been banned from sea world you see uh elizabeth warren running for president

04:08obviously it'll be a little awkward if she wins on inauguration day when they have to play hail to the

04:13chief joe biden that's a deep joke joe biden obviously in a little bit of trouble but he may

04:22end up being the democrats pick on the ticket that'll be quite the matchup between biden and trump uh but

04:28it'll be i i think the democrats could take the high ground because they could say hey hey at least

04:32we we grab women by the shoulders all right by the shoulders guys that's the punchline by the

04:38shoulders i liked it hello you guys get the news up here worked for me okay kim jong-un kim jong-un

04:45always in the news i don't know if you guys know this kim jong-un recently achieved the highest rank

04:49in the north korean army five foot six a hunger games theme park recently opened in south korea it's

04:56called north korea denny's has introduced a new breakfast item it's called the hillary clinton legacy

05:03it's toast

05:04i'll give you one more vice president mike pence recently celebrated an anniversary of his wife

05:11i think that's very sweet i heard he spent his anniversary trying to convince his wife to

05:15participate in a twosome

05:16twosome is the punchline to that guy you know the wild thing about when they wrote jokes for carson

05:24yeah they wrote jokes that that they knew would fail oh yeah because he was better at failing and and

05:32he would make it even funnier than if he actually did the real punchline and you know and it worked

05:37yeah well so the way that and that's a great point so the way that the when you see the act

05:43actually as it's there are tethered throughout those bomb pieces that are like like the pence joke

05:49becomes a callback right um and like this is a great like you know when i'm performing i go hey any

05:54taliban here

05:55obviously a lot of drawbacks to being a member of the taliban but one positive is that if you

06:01remarry you do not have to change your wedding photos

06:03so you have that one in there so it's like guys it's a they wear they wear burkas

06:10pull it up is it a dude is it a goat you know so you have jokes like that and then you hit them

06:15right back with another good you know with with with another heavy hitter one when is this coming out

06:21well i gotta film it so i'm filming it probably later on this year because i've been the last

06:26probably two years have just been devoted to this movie so i wrote it and then vince vaughn and i

06:32you know and and peter billingsley is right right he's got all three of us we've been pals for a while

06:36but but we we kind of i wrote it i gave it to them they said this is great but let's do some

06:41tune-ups to it so we spent probably six to eight months tuning it up and then we found financing

06:47pretty quickly and then uh i all of a sudden it's just like all right you're directing movie and i've

06:51never directed a film wow ever in my life and it was i i will never dump on a film as long as i live

06:57because it's such an audacious process so much yeah it was it was crazy but but we're coming out the

07:02other end we're in the fourth quarter two minute drill it's almost done and uh i'm really happy

07:06about it that's great does your neck hurt when you're talking to vince vaughn yeah you gotta go

07:10like that yeah he's circus tall as he calls himself circus tall that's perfect that's right yeah to me

07:15when you see him in films you know you notice that he's a tall guy but they must have everybody else

07:19on apple boxes or something like that because he always seems to be having a normal conversation

07:23with somebody but he is he's what six five six six five yeah yeah ladies and gentlemen mr steve

07:29should i give you one more one more this year's westminster dog show had two new breeds never

07:34seen before because apparently last year's after party got a little out of hand

07:38you

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