Peep Show: Cocky Balboa

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a guy who lost 20 pounds so he was able to perform on himself and imagine someone training like Rocky to reach that goal.

Transcript

00:00A guy is warning other guys online of the dangers of performing oral favors on themselves.

00:11What's wrong with that?

00:13This guy lost 22 pounds in order to be able to do it.

00:18That's funny that he trained.

00:20Oh my God.

00:21Hey, what are you doing over there?

00:23You're going hard on that treadmill.

00:24You can do it.

00:25If you can dream it, you can do it.

00:27I have big goals.

00:28You've really been working out something fierce lately.

00:32What are you up to?

00:33Well, I'm trying to fillet myself.

00:36Oh, wow.

00:37Really?

00:38That's what I want.

00:39I see you here every day.

00:41Yeah, I go for special back stretches.

00:45I don't care about any other part of my flexibility.

00:49Just my back.

00:49Just your back.

00:50You're working really...

00:51Are you a runner or what are you...

00:53Nope, filleter.

00:54Oh my God.

00:55I'm a filleter.

00:57You're a blower.

00:58That's what I do.

00:59Yeah.

00:59Well, I don't do it yet, but I'm working on it.

01:02Oh, okay.

01:02Get down there, you're a bum.

01:05Get down there, you're a bum.

01:08Imagine a grizzly old guy training you?

01:10Yeah.

01:14We'll call him cocky and...

01:16You're almost there.

01:17Do it.

01:19Cocky Balboa, you've got it.

01:21You're never going to get there.

01:22You're a bum.

01:24I'm going to get there.

01:25You're never going to get there.

01:26You're never going to be able to fight yourself.

01:28Oh my God, there.

01:29You've got to give it up.

01:32I'm going to get there.

01:35I don't know.

01:37I gave it a curse.

01:38I've seen a lot of people say the same thing.

01:41I can see how it ends.

01:43And it's like the lips.

01:44Oh no.

01:46And it shows the tip and the lips and the tip and the lips.

01:48You're doing it.

01:49You did it.

01:50We got contact.

01:52Yes, he did it.

01:54You're not a bum anymore.

01:56You're a contender.

01:59You're a contender.

02:01So he purposely lost 22 pounds in order to be able to do this.

02:05And he was successful for a while.

02:07Then one fateful day, while contorting and servicing himself, he heard an incredible crack in his back.

02:19Oh man.

02:20Followed by.

02:21Cracked his back?

02:22Yes, Lise.

02:23Immense pain all over his body.

02:27And now he's warning other guys.

02:29He says it is not worth it.

02:31The chronic back pain he now has to deal with on a daily basis.

02:36Yeah.

02:38Makes him realize he never should have attempted this.

02:40Right.

02:41I'm reminded of the story of Icarus.

02:44Flew too close to the sun, you say.

02:46He did.

02:49His fellatio.

02:52I think so.

02:54I feel like you have to be of a certain.

02:57You got to be pretty good down there, right?

03:00Yeah, yeah.

03:00You got to be a certain size, you got to be flexible, and I think you got to be a certain weight.

03:05Which is why he had to lose 22 pounds.

03:07Yeah.

03:08He said it was not his brightest idea.

03:11You do after you do it, probably jump like that.

03:12Yeah, that's exactly it.

03:16Yeah.

03:17You just run to a market and just shake everyone's hand.

03:21Oh God, I hope you cleaned up first.

03:24Yeah, that's a funny thing to lose weight for.

03:27To train for it.

03:29Motivated him.

03:30I'm on my way.

03:31I'm on my way.

03:33I've looked down at him before and been like, ah, okay, there's no way that's going to happen.

03:38No.

03:39But now he's got to go see a chiropractor all the time.

03:42For the rest of his life.

03:43Tell him how it happened.

03:44How did you mess up your back?

03:46I was trying to blow myself.

03:48I've seen it a lot.

03:52I like that he's got to warn the other people.

03:54He's like, like they have the exact same crazy dreams that they're going to train for.

03:58He's like, I know a lot of you got the same thoughts running through your head.

04:01Like, no, we don't.

04:03Don't do it.

04:03Everybody wants to lose a bunch of weight so they can get down there and do it to themselves.

04:08God, no, I just want to lose some weight.

04:10Listen, I know you want to do it to yourself.

04:12Well, sort of.

04:13But don't.

04:13I've ruined my spine.

04:14Look at all the people just would be running.

04:21After the first guy does it, that's the group that wants to learn his ways.

04:24Teach us, cocky Balboa!

04:27I'll teach you how to do it.

04:31Can you take it out of your mouth before you talk to us?

04:35Of course not.

04:37I'm doing it.

04:40Wow.

04:43Oh, man.

04:44It's a weird scene.

04:46It is, yeah.

04:47But, yeah, I don't think, I don't know if he's helping as many people as he thinks.

04:51What's the name?

04:52What's his girlfriend's name?

04:53Why can't I think of it?

04:54Adrian!

04:55Adrian, yeah.

04:56He doesn't need Adrian anymore.

04:57No, he doesn't.

04:57I was going to say, I don't need you!

05:00That's the Rocky movie where Adrian left.

05:02He'd call just his own name.

05:04Yeah.

05:05Cocky Balboa!

05:08It's harder to call a name when you're like, ho, ho.

05:12Oh, yeah.

05:13You're right.

05:14You're right.

05:15You're right.

05:16You're right.

05:17You're right.

05:18You're right.

05:19You're right.

05:20You're right.

05:21You're right.

05:22You're right.

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