MJTV: The Time Fester Destroyed a Grocery Store Aisle

Beasley Digital

Transcript

00:00It's highly destructive.

00:01It's highly inappropriate.

00:03But listen, anything for a radio morning bit.

00:08There's a level, and I've come to believe this,

00:10there's a level of overall life unhappiness

00:13with like a second assistant manager of a grocery store.

00:16Because a run-in that I had with a grocery store manager one time.

00:21Was this as a customer or as an ill-fated employee?

00:25This was as a customer.

00:27Right?

00:28Years ago, MJ, I don't know if you recall this.

00:30Joey B, a dear friend of mine, one of my closest friends,

00:33went to Cash and Carry on Gandy Boulevard.

00:37Yeah, right down from our old radio station,

00:39right down from the old J-Core, Clear Channel, iHeart.

00:43Right.

00:43Soon to be demolished and turned to in apartments.

00:46He and I were living at the Cove on West Shore Boulevard.

00:48He goes to the Cash and Carry.

00:49He gets Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries.

00:53Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries.

00:54Gotcha.

00:55Roger that.

00:56Opens up the box, no Crunch Berries.

00:58No Crunch Berries.

00:59So this is suddenly an epidemic.

01:01Oh, did we do this on the air?

01:02I'm working at the MJBJ Morning Show.

01:05That's right.

01:06Fester, go down to Cash and Carry.

01:08And I was on the cell phone then, the old analog cell phone.

01:11This was very disturbing.

01:13And Joey B was upset.

01:15Right.

01:15That he bought a box of Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries,

01:19and there were no Dingle Berries in the box.

01:20Right.

01:21Crunch Berries.

01:22Crunch Berries.

01:22No Crunch Berries.

01:23What are they like, the British?

01:24No Crunch Berries in the box.

01:26So, Fester, go down there, open up every box of Captain Crunch.

01:30Oh, that's right.

01:31We said, Fester, they're live on the air.

01:34Pour it out on the floor.

01:36Oh, so we have Fester on a cell phone at Cash and Carry.

01:40They just built a new Publix there.

01:43Right.

01:43It's right at the corner of Manhattan and Gandy.

01:47Right.

01:47And right next door, you've got the Scan Design furniture place.

01:51They now have, like, an Orange Theory in there as well.

01:54All right.

01:54So, we send Fester in live on the air.

01:57Hey, Fester, go in.

01:59Just start opening boxes of Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries.

02:02Just start dumping him out on the floor just to ascertain whether there are Crunch Berries in the box,

02:07unlike what Joey B had.

02:08Now, as I'm walking out of the studio, BJ gives me $50.

02:11He goes, don't you leave without paying for it.

02:13Right.

02:13I was like, okay, no problem.

02:14I got it.

02:15I got it.

02:15So, I go out there.

02:16I get there.

02:16I call you guys.

02:16I'm on the air.

02:17I start opening up boxes of Captain Crunch, pouring them in the aisle.

02:21And I opened up a box.

02:22You imagine you've got this large dude.

02:25Just pouring cereal straight on the floor.

02:27Pouring cereal on the floor.

02:27At least you weren't pouring milk on top of it.

02:29And then I'm like, yep, this one's got it.

02:31This one has Crunch Berries.

02:33Nope, this one has Crunch Berries, too.

02:34Get another one, Fester.

02:36All right.

02:37The guys from the meat department are looking.

02:38People are gathering around.

02:41And a manager, the second assistant manager, not the manager, not the assistant manager,

02:46the second assistant manager, comes up to me while I'm in the row, pouring out the cereal.

02:52But isn't that illegal, what you're doing right now?

02:54Because is it grazing or is it tampering with stuff?

02:57Nothing's illegal.

02:57Nothing's been shoplifted.

02:58Nothing hasn't been paid for.

03:00He comes up to me and he grabs my arm.

03:02And I'm on the phone, on the radio.

03:05I remember this.

03:05And he goes, hey, hey, you son of a bitch.

03:09What the bleep are you?

03:10And MJ, he's riding the pod.

03:13He's kind of lowering the microphone.

03:15This was before we had delay.

03:16Before we had delay.

03:17Right.

03:17We did not.

03:18It was.

03:19I don't think we had a delay until the whole Janet Jackson debacle.

03:22Remember that?

03:23He's like, you son of a bitch.

03:25You get the bleep out of my store.

03:27And I'm kind of motioning to him, pointing to my phone like, shut up.

03:30Shut up.

03:31But I can't say that to him.

03:32But I'm like, shut up.

03:34Stop yelling at me.

03:35Right, right.

03:35And he's like.

03:36I think he did the right thing.

03:37But he's like, if you ever come to this door again, I'm going to kick your ass myself.

03:41You son of a bitch.

03:42This is all on the air.

03:43Right.

03:44Good.

03:44I think he actually dropped some four-letter words as well.

03:46And then.

03:47And then.

03:49I'm like trying to run the volume up and down to like try to get his curse words off.

03:52And BJ yells, don't leave without paying for it.

03:56So I'm like, I have to pay for it.

03:57So I'm planning.

03:58You were going to clean it up as well.

04:00I'm standing.

04:00I didn't even get that far.

04:01Right.

04:01I know.

04:02I'm standing in line.

04:03And the girl who worked the cash wrap area or the return section, she goes, Mr. So-and-so,

04:09please come to the front desk.

04:11The guy, the manager, he walks up.

04:13He gets a phone call.

04:14And he's like, yes, sir.

04:15Yes, sir.

04:16He's in my store right now, sir.

04:18I got him, sir.

04:20He's like talking to the district manager of Cash and Carry.

04:22The district manager was listening to the show live.

04:28This was MJ and BJ days on 93.

04:31And the district manager calls up while Fester's still there.

04:35He knew what story.

04:36He knew the manager's name.

04:37He goes, I got him, sir.

04:39I'm kicking him out right now.

04:40And the guy says over the phone, a district manager.

04:42And he later called me and apologized.

04:44District manager calls.

04:45He goes, if you ever talk to a customer like that again, I'm going to fire you so fast.

04:51Your head will spin around.

04:52It doesn't matter if you're dumping Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries all over the aisle.

04:58Don't talk to a customer like that.

05:00This grizzled guy who aged 10 years in front of me in a couple of seconds,

05:05he just looks at me, hangs up the phone, he goes,

05:07why the hell didn't you tell me we were on the radio?

05:11I'm like, sir, you didn't have to curse at me.

05:14I'm sorry.

05:14No, I think he did the right thing.

05:16You're some lunatic.

05:17He's throwing stuff, he's like damaging his store and damaging the product.

05:20He doesn't know what you're going to do next.

05:22That's not normal shopping behavior.

05:23I think you're a terrible customer service representative, Roxanne.

05:26Actually, I agree with you, Roxanne.

05:29It's highly destructive.

05:31It's highly inappropriate.

05:33But listen, anything for a radio morning bit.

05:35Hey, Fester almost went to state prison for a turkey fryer in a van.

05:40Anything for the bit.

05:42It might have been counting.

05:43I mean, if it was less than a year, it had been counting.

05:45I'd have gone.

05:45Good friends.

05:46Good friends.

05:47Good friends.

05:48Good friends.

05:49Good friends.

05:50Good friends.

05:51Good friends.

05:52Good friends.

05:53Good friends.

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