Secret Arrangements

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak ask listeners to share their secret arrangements this morning and they include a girl who farts in someones face and a girl who lets her boyfriend hunt for threesomes.

Transcript

00:00We want to know from you, what's your secret arrangement that no one knows about?

00:13This girl says, I didn't say yes, but I did have a guy friend offer me to live in his loft, rent-free.

00:20He'd buy me anything I need. It would be platonic, as long as I would fart in his face.

00:26Ah, that's a hell of a request.

00:30You're going to turn that offer down, m'lady?

00:32Yeah, I don't know. What am I doing, though? You know what I mean?

00:35Oh, wow. What am I doing?

00:37Yeah, I feel like it's not totally platonic that way.

00:39Yeah.

00:40What a weird thing.

00:42Your friends are like, what do you do? This is such a nice place.

00:46I just saw a fart in this guy's face and buy me anything I want.

00:50It's got freedom and a free place. It's pretty sweet.

00:54Hello, who's your friend here?

00:57Have you told her of our arrangement?

01:00Yeah, I just told her about how I fart in your face all the time.

01:04So, little lady, you looking to make a little extra on the side, fart in an old man's face?

01:11He's a really nice guy. It sounds weirder on paper than you would think.

01:17Like, it's not as bad, because you just fart and then it's over. It's like a band-aid.

01:23I'll never touch you. I'll never do anything. All I need is your sweet gas on me.

01:26That's right.

01:28I have these Fiber One bars here for you.

01:29Yeah, I was going to say, you have to eat a lot of fibrous food.

01:31Yeah.

01:32Like a lot of cabbage.

01:33I'd say that's the hardest part, is having one on deck.

01:36Just ready to go for him. That's like part of it. That's part of the job, the work part.

01:40Like me? Sure, I got one in the chamber.

01:44Does he have a fart quota she has to make every week?

01:4720 farts.

01:48Elizabeth!

01:50Hi, good morning. How are you?

01:52Good, how are you?

01:53Good. I'm wondering what your secret arrangement is.

01:56Well, my fiancé I've been with for three years. It's kind of our deal when he goes out to

02:04a bar and has a good time. If he can pick up a girl, he can bring her back home and we

02:10all can have some fun. But he's kind of, he's like 275, like six foot three. He's a bigger

02:17guy, so it's kind of an ish thing.

02:20Oh, so he can't really make it happen all the time.

02:23Yeah, but he's trying. She's real confident he's got no chance.

02:25So she's just not worried.

02:26Oh, so it hasn't happened yet?

02:29It hasn't happened yet, but he's fine.

02:33Oh, you're dangling poor Karen in front of him.

02:36Oh, she's smart. She's kind of smart.

02:37You are kind of smart.

02:38You might be talking to the smartest girl you've ever talked to.

02:40Because he's like, in his mind, he's like, I have the best girlfriend.

02:44She lets me try to bring other women home.

02:47I got freedom, guys.

02:49I haven't been able to.

02:50No.

02:51They're like, dude, how many, yeah, like his buddy's like, how many threesomes have you had?

02:55Not a one.

02:56Not a one.

02:57I cannot find a girl for the life of me.

03:00What you call a dry spell?

03:04Oh, wow.

03:04He must be just at the clubs all the time, though.

03:07Oh, my God.

03:08Ladies, anybody.

03:09Listen to how giggly she is, dude.

03:11She's like, yeah, I let him go.

03:12It's so dumb.

03:13Yay.

03:14So stupid.

03:15It's so very simple.

03:17That's a great secret arrangement.

03:18Listen, you're a big dude, so it's probably never going to happen.

03:21Right.

03:21But if you find another lady to come back here, bring her back.

03:25That's all he's doing is trying so hard.

03:27I know.

03:27It's like all his energy.

03:28He's waiting.

03:30And we don't know how even about him, you know?

03:33We don't.

03:34He could.

03:36He might talk like this.

03:38We don't even know what.

03:39She's so secure.

03:40Yeah.

03:41It's like, no, trust me.

03:42I'm the only girl who likes you.

03:44You know, he says something, too, before he goes out.

03:45He's like, you better keep your bits on ice.

03:47Because, uh, tonight is, tonight is, and she's like, okay, I'm ready.

03:54She goes right to bed.

03:57Sorry, baby, didn't happen today.

04:00Swing and message.

04:01Swing and message.

04:03Tonight.

04:03Swing.

04:04Struck out.

04:05Maybe next time.

04:07Yeah.

04:09Wow, that's unbelievable.

04:10That's awesome.

04:10Oh, every guy would be trying so hard to make it happen.

04:14Yeah.

04:15Don't get it.

04:16I just really turned on the charm tonight.

04:18Still nothing, babe.

04:19This woman says, I'm a lady.

04:21I have an arrangement with a male co-worker.

04:22When we started working together, we both had a partner.

04:25Well, his girlfriend won't do certain things he's into.

04:28And my boyfriend won't do certain things I'm into.

04:31So once a month, we get together, and we do those things.

04:34Been going on for about three years.

04:36Kills the frustration of not getting what each of us really wants.

04:39I wonder what exactly that is.

04:42Butt stuff?

04:42You think that's what it is?

04:44Yeah, I think it is.

04:45Or maybe it could be the dominant stuff, or the biting, and the tying down.

04:48I bet it's all the butt stuff.

04:50I think it's butt stuff.

04:51I think it's butt butt.

04:53One person likes it.

04:55The other person likes to get it.

04:57They're just little butt puzzle pieces.

05:00They all fit together.

05:02Yeah, I wouldn't just know what it is they can do together that their partners don't offer up.

05:07If it is butt or not.

05:08I mean, honestly, there's probably a lot of different things.

05:13You know?

05:13Like RJ's.

05:16You know?

05:17It's our reaction every time someone does that.

05:19Whoa.

05:20Yeah.

05:21Whoosh.

05:22Woof.

05:22Yeah.

05:23Brr.

05:24Brr.

05:26Hamana, hamana, hamana.

05:27Jay.

05:28Ooh.

05:30Ooh.

05:33Ooh.

05:34Ooh.

05:35Ooh.

05:36Ooh.

05:37Ooh.

05:42I mean...

05:42It's...

05:43It's a different reaction.

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