- 8/7/2024
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00:00Hello.
00:01And two.
00:02Come on.
00:03Woo hoo.
00:04That's for the haters.
00:05Come here.
00:06Come here.
00:07Jiggle a little.
00:08See.
00:09Oh.
00:10Yeah.
00:11He he he.
00:12Kia ora koutou katoa and welcome to the second episode of season five of Taskmaster New Zealand.
00:41Taskmaster New Zealand.
00:42My name is Jeremy Wells and while you may have seen me playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare
00:473 under the pseudonym Deathlord69, here in this room I am known by the far more threatening
00:54title of the Taskmaster.
00:57Tonight five comedians will compete in a series of absurd and pointless tasks in a desperate
01:05bid to get their hands on this, a beautiful golden trophy made to look exactly like the
01:12head of late 90s television icon Newsboy.
01:17Competing for this trophy and what remains of their dignity we have Abbey Howells, Ben
01:25Hurley, Hayes Sproul and Tom Sainsbury.
01:33And tonight, representing Te Whingathepulea'i here in the studio, she's a winner of life
01:38and a loser of Taskmaster, Madeleine Saami.
01:45And to my left is the person who answers the question, what if you combined Siri and Alexa
01:49and turned them into a single human man with sadness in his eyes?
01:54Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Williams!
01:57Alright, what's the first task of the show?
02:01As always we begin with a prize task, we've asked each contestant to bring in the secret
02:07to their success.
02:12Some very successful people up on stage here, let's start with Ben.
02:15Sure, the secret to my success is a VHS of the 1986 movie starring Michael J Fox, The
02:21Secret to My Success.
02:23I actually still have this, I taped this off TV, probably somewhere in the early 90s
02:31on a repeat, so it also has half an episode of Knight Rider.
02:36Hayley, what did you bring in?
02:38I've actually brought in my mother, in the 90s specifically.
02:43And just a moment for the haircut, but I'm not going to give you my mother because I
02:47still need her quite a bit, I want to give you an audio of her yelling at me to practise
02:53my scales every day on the piano.
02:56I think we have a little clip of her.
02:58Turn that TV off and get on that piano.
03:03Beethoven didn't have a TV and that's why he's Beethoven.
03:08You slam that piano lid one more time and you're not going to Jessica's party.
03:14I didn't get to go to Jessica's party.
03:17Is it weird to anyone else that Hayley's mum is former Mother of the Nation, Judy Bailey?
03:23I don't know why, but I've got a Judy Bailey having sex with Hilary Barry sort of vibe
03:27when I look at her.
03:30From what I know about you, that is your dream.
03:37Let's move on to Madeline.
03:40The secret to my success, it's my mortgage.
03:44Yeah, it's what keeps me up at night, it's what wakes me up in the morning, it's the
03:48reason I'm on the stage right now.
03:51And the winner gets to take it home.
03:55I just found a loophole.
03:57Yeah.
03:58At least I win.
03:59Tom, what did you bring in?
04:01Well, every morning when I wake up at 5am and I've written out my gratitude journal
04:05and just done some meditation, I like to have a sip of my homemade kombucha, but it's got
04:14some special ingredients, so I think we'll just look at the ingredients that we've got
04:17there.
04:18So we've got guilt, shame, narcissism, people pleasing, and may contain traces of imposter
04:24syndrome.
04:25So that's what, you know, you just have a sip of that and you're away.
04:28Very neurotically.
04:29Should it glow in the dark like the rod at the start of The Simpsons?
04:33Yeah.
04:34Gives me that beautiful kind of glow, I think.
04:37Abby.
04:38Yes?
04:39What did you bring in?
04:40I brought in my autism assessment sheet.
04:44So I have it, and I think my best qualities are my autistic qualities.
04:52I know heaps about cool stuff, like the Titanic and Phantom of the Opera, and I can't tell
04:59a lie, and I take everything very literally.
05:02As part of the prize, does the autism come with, or just the confirmation?
05:07You wish.
05:08I just want the Titanic knowledge.
05:11Yes, same.
05:12Oh my gosh, honestly.
05:13Or you started it.
05:14I know.
05:15Once you get into it.
05:16It wasn't just the rich people that survived, eh, that's a bit of a fallacy.
05:20Yes, a lot of rich people died, a lot of the rich men actually died.
05:24Oh boo.
05:25Yeah.
05:26Yeah.
05:27So devastating.
05:28Sometimes I make myself cry just thinking about being in that situation, you know, it's
05:32like you're on the boat and all the men were very gentle, sorry, all the men were very
05:38gentle.
05:39No, the men were nice, the men were good.
05:40Men are nice, they get a rough time.
05:41There were some baddies though.
05:43Billy Zane's character.
05:44Yeah, he wasn't good.
05:45Yes, that's a really funny joke, but actually it's not historically accurate.
05:52Duh, Paul.
05:54Paul.
05:55Okay, should we score it?
05:57We should.
05:58Oh, one point's going to me, Madeline.
06:01No one wants that.
06:03It's just a bit of a downer with the mortgage.
06:05Ben's gonna get two.
06:06Two.
06:07Hayley's gonna get three.
06:09Okay.
06:10Four points for Tom.
06:13For the Kombucha.
06:14And Abby's gonna get five points.
06:20Let's get to the first proper task of the episode, shall we Paul?
06:23Let's see how our contestants stack up in this one.
06:34Hi, P.W.
06:36Hi, T.S.
06:37You alright, Paul?
06:39Yes.
06:40Hello, Rainy Paul on a ball.
06:42Hello, Rainy Hayley on the lawn.
06:44It's a shame you couldn't get that to rhyme.
06:46Alright.
06:48Don't push that over, please.
06:52Remove the blocks from the tower and place them back on top.
06:55You must follow the instructions written on every block you remove.
06:59Blocks must be removed one at a time.
07:02Most blocks removed before the tower topples wins.
07:05You have 20 minutes or until the tower topples.
07:09Your time starts now.
07:11Okay.
07:12I guess you're underway.
07:17So, am I allowed to say this is basically just a game of Jenga, isn't it?
07:21No.
07:22It's legally very different from Jenga.
07:25Jenga famously three blocks across.
07:28This is four, so it's a completely different thing.
07:30Totally.
07:31Okay.
07:32Well, who are we gonna see play this brand new game that you've invented?
07:36Up first, it's Hayley, Hurley and Howells.
07:41Okay.
07:42Alright.
07:45Give the next three blocks a name and introduce them to Paul.
07:49Paul, I'd like you to meet Diane.
07:52Hello, Diane.
07:53Diane's very well to do.
07:55Oh, that one came out nice and easy.
07:57Write a beautiful poem and read it out while removing the next block.
08:02Block, block, you never mock.
08:05Just like a nice warm sock.
08:09Barrel the camera as you remove the next block.
08:17I'd like you to meet Paulette.
08:18She's Diane's sister.
08:20She's also quite fancy.
08:21Quite racist as well.
08:23Sing a brand new original song about removing blocks.
08:27I love to remove blocks every day.
08:30I like to live my life in a precious way.
08:34Can I just do the poem in musical form?
08:37Block, block, you never mock.
08:39Just like a lovely warm sock.
08:42This is Gavin.
08:43Gavin is down and out.
08:46I've been there.
08:47I am there.
08:48The next block may only be pushed.
08:51The next block you remove must be yellow.
08:53Remove the next block with your feet.
08:56The next block you remove must be orange.
08:58Pat yourself on the back before removing the next block.
09:02Well done old chap.
09:04Remove the next block while standing at least one metre away.
09:12Remove the next block while repeatedly doing high kicks.
09:19Remove the next block standing on one leg.
09:22Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.
09:25Freeze for 20 seconds while halfway through removing the next block.
09:33Remove the next block while standing at least two metres away.
09:36Oh come on.
09:37Can I have the tennis balls?
09:39Okay.
09:40Imagine if this just plays out.
10:03Oh!
10:05Oh!
10:06Oh no!
10:12Did you see that coming?
10:14Maybe one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.
10:17The risky one.
10:23Heads.
10:28Watch out.
10:30Blue neck.
10:31Oh, I didn't get it out.
10:33I still can't believe you threw the tennis ball and hit it out.
10:36I say this as a proud father of two daughters,
10:38but it's the greatest thing I've ever achieved.
10:47Unreal.
10:50I think I speak for everyone here.
10:52I say that is possibly the greatest thing that's ever happened in the history of New Zealand.
10:56Yeah.
10:58To be honest, yeah, I kind of wanted to just retire from Taskmaster at that point.
11:01Yeah.
11:02Like leave on a high.
11:03Retire from life, man.
11:04Yeah, true.
11:05Valhalla awaits.
11:11Hayley, you were tasked at one stage with giving the blocks names.
11:15Yeah.
11:16Paulette and Diane.
11:17You ended up giving them full personalities with backstories.
11:20Mum was racist.
11:21Yes.
11:22I think that's Paulette.
11:23She's quite racist.
11:24She'll happily take you into the home if you are brown,
11:27but she'd like to take a photo.
11:30This is very triggering for me.
11:33Come, darling, I'll make you a fine sandwich, darling.
11:35Come into my home.
11:36I'll do anything for free food.
11:37There you go.
11:38I'm a stereotype.
11:39Abbey, talk us through the creative process of writing the song
11:43I love to remove blocks every day.
11:45I like to live my life in a precious way.
11:50Quite a few times I would do a task and then come back and sit in my little room
11:53and think, am I insane?
11:58And that was one of those moments, I think.
12:01So the stats.
12:02Yes.
12:03Hayley removed 18 blocks.
12:05That's good.
12:06Ben, 20 blocks.
12:07Okay, that's better.
12:08That's better.
12:09Abbey, 28 blocks.
12:11Oh my goodness.
12:12She was speedy.
12:13Oh, who's talking about the ball now?
12:16Alright, well that is the end of part one.
12:19Join us for part two in just a moment where our comedians
12:21will probably just be playing a game of Monopoly.
12:24We'll see you then.
12:38Kia ora koutou.
12:39Arnold, welcome back to Taskmaster,
12:41a show that is now witnessing a slow decline
12:44after it peaked when Ben Hurley threw a tennis ball.
12:48What are we doing now, Paul?
12:50Our comedians were removing blocks from a tower
12:53and following the tasks written on the blocks.
12:56We've seen Abbey, Ben and Hayley,
12:58so now it's time for Tefinga and Tom to tackle the tumbling tower.
13:02Ooh.
13:03Yep.
13:04Right, Paul, to do the next block for you.
13:07I'll be your friend if you can move this block.
13:09What does that mean, be your friend?
13:11I never liked you right from the start.
13:13Then do it so you can help me with the tasks.
13:15I'll be a real friend, like a genuine friend,
13:17if you can move this block for me.
13:20Which block?
13:21That one there.
13:23Remove the next block wearing a blindfold.
13:28The next block you remove must be green.
13:32Oh.
13:34Put this block back where you found it.
13:38OK, next one.
13:40Borrow the camera as you remove the next block.
13:44OK.
13:50Remove the next block while standing...
13:53..one metre away.
14:08Are you serious?
14:15Yeah.
14:17I've stabbed the clock.
14:19Are you kidding me?
14:20It was quite a strong wind, but you did take it.
14:23One of the bottom blocks.
14:26You happy with that?
14:28No.
14:31Don't stab the duck.
14:33I'm not going to stab the duck.
14:35Bye, honey.
14:40Be honest, Tom, were you going to stab that duck?
14:42Be honest, Tom, were you going to stab that duck?
14:44Yeah, pretty much.
14:45The wind was against me.
14:47I refused to lose.
14:49How many blocks did Tom end up getting?
14:51Tom, three blocks.
14:54Tofinga, six blocks.
14:56OK.
14:57How many friends did you get?
14:58One.
15:00Did you?
15:01That was a big day for you.
15:02Do you guys keep in touch now?
15:03Let's just say it might not be by blood,
15:05but we are brothers.
15:08Wow!
15:10That's beautiful.
15:12OK, so how are we going to score that?
15:14That means one point for Tom,
15:16two points for Tofinga,
15:18three points for Hayley,
15:19four points for Ben,
15:21and five points for Abby.
15:23Great.
15:24Fucking dude.
15:26OK.
15:27So where does that leave our scores for the episode so far, Paul?
15:31Great question, Jeremy.
15:32Out in first, with a perfect ten points,
15:35it's Abby Howells.
15:40All right.
15:41What do you reckon about showing us another task then, Paul?
15:43I reckon, great idea, Jeremy.
15:45I enjoyed this task more than anything in the world,
15:48and I simply cannot wait to relive it.
15:59Ma'am?
16:00To you, sir.
16:01Knock, knock.
16:02Who's there?
16:03Orange.
16:04Orange who?
16:05Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
16:07You never said banana.
16:08Oh.
16:09Right, let's do this.
16:10Relive the best moment of your life.
16:13Most amazing reliving of the best moment wins.
16:18You have 30 minutes.
16:19Your time starts...
16:21Now.
16:23Oh, man.
16:25That was the best moment of my life.
16:29So, are we doing the reliving here?
16:34Am I going to be judging the reliving part,
16:37or are we judging the best moment?
16:39Who had the best moment?
16:40Best reliving.
16:41OK, right.
16:42Right, let's get stuck into it then.
16:44Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
16:47It's Hayley Sproul.
16:49Best moments of my life.
16:52Meeting my fiancée.
16:55Meeting your fiancée.
16:57Yeah, I hate women that are like that.
17:00Although I will say one of my best moments
17:02was meeting your fiancée.
17:04That was one of the best moments of your life?
17:07Let's do the moment I met my fiancée.
17:09OK, this is how it happened.
17:10I was sitting in a drama school meeting,
17:12and he walked in, and he's six foot six,
17:15and I went like this.
17:17And then my friend looked at me and laughed,
17:19and then I turned to her and I said,
17:21that's mine.
17:22OK.
17:24All right.
17:25Bit of a warm up.
17:27Before my scene in King Lear.
17:29Hey.
17:30My leash.
17:31My leash.
17:34Where's my leash?
17:35That's it.
17:36That's it.
17:37Now she's felt it.
17:38Where's my leash?
17:55Mine.
17:57Mine.
17:58I wish somebody would come smoke a cigarette
18:00with me out on the smoker's steps.
18:03I will.
18:06OK.
18:08That's a big boy.
18:10That's a big boy.
18:14Wow.
18:18So Hayley, you went from hating women
18:21who say that their greatest moment
18:23was meeting their fiancée
18:24to actually re-enacting it with Paul.
18:26Yeah.
18:27Well, I felt terrible for saying it
18:28because love is lovely, isn't it?
18:30And then Paul was so fizzed over my fiancée as well.
18:33I was like, well, let's do a fantasy for both of us.
18:37I didn't get why you were dressed like an apprentice witch.
18:42Because it's drama school.
18:43Where did you study drama, Hogwarts?
18:47Honestly, not that dissimilar.
18:50So who have we got next, Paul?
18:51Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
18:54It's Abbey Howells.
18:57What was the best moment of my life?
19:00I know what it is.
19:02It was when I played the lion
19:04in my high school production of The Wizard of Oz.
19:08I came out at the end and I got, like, the biggest tear.
19:11And my mum actually told me afterwards
19:13that I needed to tone it down a bit when I came out.
19:17But I didn't.
19:18The other cast members might watch this
19:20and they might think that you got bigger tears.
19:22It was the lion show, baby, everybody know it.
19:25Okay.
19:26Okay.
19:27Let's do it.
19:30Lion, lion, lion.
19:33Lion, lion, lion.
19:55More lion, more lion.
19:57Did someone say more lion?
20:08Lion, lion, lion, lion.
20:15It's really great.
20:17If that was a true reflection of what actually happened,
20:19I'd totally see what your mother was saying.
20:22I've never seen someone so happy with themselves in all my life.
20:26That's what my mum said.
20:29Did you do the voice like in the movie?
20:31100% I did the voice.
20:32Can we get a little taste of it?
20:35Put him up, put him up.
20:37Oh, she's good.
20:39Paul, so far, we've had two drama students hooking up
20:42and one of them getting a round of applause.
20:44Do you think maybe we should go to one of the comedians
20:46who's actually had a child or something?
20:48Meeting this person was one of the top five moments of my life.
20:51It's Tofinga Fepeleai.
20:55Best moment of my life?
20:58Having my kids.
21:00Having your kids do what?
21:02Can they report?
21:04You can be my wife.
21:06OK.
21:07Use the bed upstairs.
21:09OK.
21:11To film the thing, not to make the baby,
21:14but, you know, you giving birth to the baby.
21:17OK.
21:19Aren't you excited? I'm really excited. It's our first child.
21:22So excited.
21:26You're doing fine.
21:28Yeah.
21:31I can see the feet. I can see the feet, yeah.
21:34Oh!
21:36Wow!
21:38He looks like his mum.
21:40OK.
21:41What do you think we should name her?
21:45I'm not sure.
21:48She's beautiful.
21:51Round two. If you can make it quick. OK.
21:53Cos there's an important rugby game.
21:55Oh!
21:57Wow! Our second son.
22:00Last one. Should be easy peaches like that.
22:02Just one push.
22:04Oh!
22:06Oh!
22:07Oh, it's gone back in.
22:09Again!
22:10Oh!
22:14Hey!
22:16Wow. Most incredible moment of my life.
22:19APPLAUSE
22:25I'll tell you what, that was my second time
22:27on Taskmaster New Zealand giving birth
22:29after I gave birth to Angela Dravid in season one.
22:32And I tell you what, it doesn't get any easier.
22:35LAUGHTER
22:37I really enjoy the angelic way in which you screamed the pain.
22:41Oh!
22:43Very interesting interpretation of how a woman gives birth to a child.
22:47Well, in fairness, I've only been at one birth. Right.
22:50And I was very young.
22:52LAUGHTER
22:54I was split seconds old.
22:56I'd love to see more, but it's time for me to enjoy
22:59the best moment of my life, which is throwing to an ad break
23:02during Taskmaster for the 47th time.
23:05Here we go. It's time for the ads.
23:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:18Welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:20For the break, we were watching comedians re-enact
23:23the best moments of their lives,
23:25and it turns out they haven't done much.
23:27Who have you got next for me, Paul?
23:30Meeting this person was a top five moment of my life.
23:33It's Tom Sainsbury.
23:35It's the best moment of my life.
23:38Do you know what it was? What?
23:40I don't know if we can do this legally.
23:42Can we re-enact Little Shop of Horrors?
23:44We could probably do, like, a... Version of it.
23:47Were you in the play? No, I was watching it.
23:49Oh, you watched the play. I was like...
23:51I watched it as an eight-year-old, and it stuttered me on my...
23:54It fired off everything in my brain.
23:56OK. OK, let's do this.
23:59Where did you come from, strange little plant?
24:03Please get bigger for me!
24:09Please get bigger for me!
24:20Please, Paul Moore, give me plasma!
24:25Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
24:28It's so funny.
24:30I'm a Venus flytrap from...
24:34I'm a Venus flytrap from deep in the galaxy!
24:40I want you to saw me, Paul Moore!
24:43I want you to saw me!
24:45Ah! Ah!
24:53Small boutique...
24:55Terror!
25:01Woo-hoo!
25:03Woo-hoo!
25:10Wow, this theatre thing is amazing, Papa.
25:13I think I've been put on a different path in this lifetime.
25:24I would like to say, for legal reasons, that was not Little Shop of Horrors.
25:28It was... What was it called? Small Boutique of Terrors.
25:30That's right.
25:33I was in a production of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:35Me too.
25:36For Onehunga High School. It was pretty cool.
25:37The same, Harbour High School?
25:38Yeah.
25:39I was the dentist, but I guess in your production I'd be like the podiatrist or something.
25:42Yeah.
25:43No, the orthodontist.
25:45I've never been in it.
25:46Oh, we should do it, all of us.
25:48Stay tuned for tickets for our performance of Little Shop of Horrors.
25:52I can't, absolutely can't wait for that.
25:54What was it? What was it about Little Shop of Horrors?
25:56A horror?
25:59Shop?
26:00A shop.
26:01No, the musical element to it, a play, a horror.
26:05In the play they all get eaten by the plant and that just...
26:09Spoiler.
26:11That just wonderfully excited me.
26:13Can a vegetarian eat a carnivorous plant?
26:15Oh, good.
26:16It's self-defence.
26:21Wouldn't it be? It would be self-defence.
26:23Like if you got eaten by a broccoli.
26:25If I got eaten by a broccoli, I'd be like, it was worth it.
26:29Me too.
26:30So we've only got one comedian left
26:32and I know that he has two beautiful, healthy children
26:35so I think it's safe to assume he's going to relive that.
26:40Meeting this person...
26:44I've met him.
26:47It's Ben.
26:49Like the best moment of my life is when I
26:51knocked that Jenga thing out with a tennis ball.
27:01I mean, that was quite something.
27:04We've got the blocks.
27:06Yeah.
27:07And the ball.
27:09OK.
27:11Good luck, Ben Early.
27:13You'll never be able to knock a block out of a towel
27:15with a tennis ball from way back there.
27:17Darn you, Paul!
27:19Why do you got to make these tasks so gosh-darn hard?
27:22Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
27:24Ho ho ho ho.
27:30Woo!
27:36Oh!
27:37Oh!
27:38Oh!
27:39Oh!
27:40Oh!
27:41Oh!
27:42Oh!
27:43Oh!
27:44Oh!
27:46That's the kind of thing I do all the time.
27:50It's unbelievably cool.
27:55There's nothing left for me here now.
27:58Good luck with all your future endeavours, Earthlings.
28:04Thought so.
28:21OK, so everyone's seen what happened earlier on in the episode.
28:25Now we've seen your remembering of it
28:27and everyone's seen the other.
28:28You think the two, can you see how they might not?
28:31Really, in life, there is no true objectivity, Jeremy.
28:35Everything is seen through a lens.
28:37Wow.
28:38And that was my lens.
28:39I feel like the second one was objectively worse.
28:42I agree.
28:43It's sort of like doing a remake of a movie too soon.
28:46Yeah.
28:47You know what I mean?
28:48Give it time, give it time.
28:49Yeah, we need, like, 20 years in between,
28:51not just straight away.
28:52It almost makes the first task seem shit now.
28:54Do you know what I mean?
28:55Hey!
28:56Sorry.
28:57You don't even go here.
28:58Sorry, I'm just, I don't even go here.
29:00I'll go, I'll go.
29:01How do you want to score it?
29:02This is going to be quite difficult.
29:04I think Ben definitely gets one point.
29:07OK.
29:08Because I saw the, I just saw the original
29:10and there's just nothing like it.
29:12It's too fresh.
29:13There's nothing there for me.
29:14Toffinger, I will give two points to.
29:17I thought it was a great performance,
29:18but there were three moments.
29:20I think, Hayley, three points for you.
29:22Great turnaround on what you thought was
29:24how you hated people that did things
29:26and you became one of those people very quickly,
29:27so I appreciate that.
29:29Tom, I think, four points for The Little Shop of Horrors.
29:32And Abby, five points.
29:35Well done, Abby.
29:37Well done.
29:38Thank you, Hayley.
29:39It was very moving.
29:40It was very moving.
29:41Yes, believe me.
29:42OK, I'm about ready for another task.
29:44You got something for me, Paul?
29:45It's time for the first team task of the season.
29:48But also, it's time for the first top secret mission
29:52of the season.
29:54MUSIC
30:02Hi, Paul.
30:03Hello, Ben.
30:04Hello, Paul.
30:06Hello, Abby.
30:07What do I do?
30:10Oh, in here?
30:11Yeah.
30:12Over here, look.
30:17He's got really nervous.
30:20Be the most excited to meet your teammates.
30:24They can't know about this task.
30:26One person on the other team has received this task.
30:29If you're more excited than them, your team wins.
30:32Your time starts when you meet your teammates.
30:35Do you understand the task?
30:36Be excited?
30:37Yeah.
30:38Woo!
30:41Quite excited.
30:42Yeah.
30:43No problem.
30:44No problem.
30:45I'm quite excitable.
30:48OK, I'm going.
30:50Thank you, Ben.
30:51Woo!
30:55Hey, Paul.
30:56Ciao, Torfinger.
30:57Hi, Paul.
30:58Ciao, Hayley.
30:59Hello.
31:03Hi.
31:04Hello.
31:05Hi.
31:07No surprise?
31:08Hi.
31:09Big fan.
31:11Big fans.
31:12Yeah.
31:13Do you have a task for me?
31:14I do.
31:15Can I have it?
31:16Not quite.
31:17Why not?
31:19Oh!
31:26This is the best.
31:27This is the best.
31:28Woo!
31:33Not too bad.
31:34No.
31:35Hi.
31:36Hello.
31:37Hi.
31:38I'm Abby.
31:39Nice to meet you.
31:40Hello.
31:41So lovely to meet you.
31:42Nice to meet you.
31:43What a cute outfit.
31:44Your outfit's so nice.
31:45Yeah, I love it.
31:46Did I?
31:47Boo!
31:48Did we just become best friends?
31:49Yeah!
31:53Nice to meet you, Abby.
31:54Nice to meet you.
31:55She's so nice.
31:56Oh, my God.
31:57I feel a little sheepish.
31:58I know.
31:59I'm going to do breakdancing.
32:00What the hell are you doing?
32:01Breakdancing.
32:02I'm so happy.
32:04Pow!
32:05Do you know when you hugged me, you popped my bra strap?
32:09That's how excited we are.
32:11I love that.
32:12Yep, that's for real.
32:20So, before I score that, how do you think you went, Abby?
32:25I got stage fright, because I'd never met Toppinger before.
32:29And I was like, oh, he's going to think you're a big, silly goose if you go, oh!
32:34It was already an awkward situation when Tom had walked in.
32:37Yeah.
32:38And then by the time you arrived there, there was like triple awkward going on.
32:41Yeah.
32:42Captain Autism is going to make that less awkward.
32:46Yeah.
32:48What I do, baby.
32:50So, Hayley, how do you feel about Ben now that you've watched that?
32:53Honestly, so betrayed.
32:58I wouldn't have done the streamer or the breakdancing,
33:01but I would have done everything else, normally.
33:03It all just feels like a lie to me now, and I don't trust you anymore.
33:07That's a good old-fashioned trouncing, that one.
33:09How do you want to score it?
33:10Well, she's a 1-5 trouncing.
33:12There's no other way you can do it.
33:14So, 1 for Abby and her team.
33:16And Toppinger, yellow.
33:18And then she's a 5 for Ben and Hayley, because that was next level from Hayley.
33:21Really, it was a lie.
33:22Is this the first time you've not got an A?
33:27She was perfect this episode.
33:29Oh, is this the first time you've talked to a woman?
33:35Uh, second, and the first one's underwear fell off.
33:42So, that's not the team task, obviously.
33:44Okay, no, of course.
33:45So, I actually can't wait to find out what the actual team task is.
33:48And we're going to learn together in a few minutes.
33:50Act excited. It's another ad break.
33:52We'll see you soon with more Taskmaster.
34:05Welcome back to Taskmaster.
34:07What's going on, Paul?
34:08We are in the midst of our first team task,
34:11which began with a secret mission to act excited.
34:14Ben acted extremely excited,
34:17and I think Abby forgot about the secret mission.
34:19Okay, alright.
34:20Can we see the actual task now, please, Paul?
34:23Si.
34:27Make a leaning tower of dry pasta.
34:30If you break one of the three secret rules,
34:33you must step away from the tower,
34:35and Paul will trigger a punishment.
34:37You cannot interfere with the punishment devices.
34:40Best and most leaning pasta tower wins.
34:43You have 25 minutes. Your time starts now.
34:45Oh, my God, you didn't delay.
34:47I always delay before I say your time starts now
34:49so I can think about it for free.
34:50I do too, usually.
34:51Okay, what have you done?
34:52I'm so excited it's Hayley.
34:57So, what's the idea here?
34:59We've got pasta, I heard pasta, and I heard secret rules.
35:02Yes, so the aim is to make the best and most leaning tower,
35:07but that is made harder if they break my secret rules.
35:10How do they know about the secret rules?
35:12They don't know about the secret rules.
35:14That's why they're secret.
35:15It's me.
35:22So we don't know the rules, Paul?
35:24No.
35:25If we accidentally break one, there's a punishment.
35:27Yeah, okay.
35:28Step back, please.
35:33Can we leave the lab?
35:34Oh, yeah, good idea.
35:36Make a leaning tower of dried pasta.
35:38Step back, please.
35:39Oh, no.
35:41So that's one of them, you can't leave the lab.
35:44I didn't say that.
35:45What about, like, a pyramid?
35:47Step back, please.
35:50Is it, like, P-words or something?
35:53The problem with pasta is it's dried, so...
35:55Step back, please.
35:58Okay.
36:00You're just going to not talk anymore?
36:03It's not talking.
36:05We know it's not talking, Paul.
36:07Oh, no.
36:10We can't say another P-word either.
36:13Oh, penis.
36:15Step back, please.
36:17Everything started with that letter A.
36:19Don't say Paul again.
36:20No, it's P-words.
36:21Pyramid, Paul.
36:23Pasta, see?
36:24Shh.
36:25It's all right, we're in purgatory.
36:27Oh, for God's sake.
36:29Okay, you've figured it out.
36:30Where would you recommend on the seam?
36:33Seam of what?
36:34The seam of the two...
36:36Materials.
36:37You're not going to get us that easily, Paul.
36:42Sorry, everyone.
36:43Is there going to be stuff on the outside now?
36:45Like little...
36:47Poe.
36:48Step back, please.
36:49Oh, Hayley.
36:51Tom, this is excellent.
36:53Mamma mia, this tower has really taken shape.
36:58That is so sturdy.
36:59That's not going anywhere.
37:00Not going nowhere.
37:02Step back, please.
37:06Oh, come on.
37:10I don't think we're allowed to touch.
37:12You and me?
37:13Mm.
37:14What about our undeniable chemistry?
37:16I know.
37:17And afterwards, we can cook it.
37:18Just like how my nonna does back in Italy.
37:22It's architecturally interesting, I think.
37:26Step back, please.
37:3012 minutes.
37:33Friend?
37:34What do we do?
37:35How do we break the rule?
37:36I don't know.
37:37There goes just being a prick.
37:39Mm.
37:40Oh!
37:41Oh.
37:46If we just put the things in...
37:52What are you...?
37:53Oh!
37:55Wow!
37:57Ooh.
37:58And that's got a lane?
38:00Mamma mia, what a tower.
38:05Mm.
38:06It's...
38:07Fresh.
38:09Fresh.
38:1040 seconds.
38:12Oh.
38:13Stay.
38:14Let's try and get a bit more height.
38:1616 seconds.
38:17I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try.
38:19Oh!
38:20Oh, beautiful.
38:21Yes.
38:22It's definitely bleeding.
38:25I mean, now we're just...
38:27Just making it look pretty.
38:32Bring it on.
38:37We did it!
38:38Yeah!
38:39Can you tell us the third rule?
38:41No.
38:42OK.
38:43He never says anything.
38:44No.
38:55OK.
38:56So am I meant to judge them before or after they're hit by that wrecking ball?
38:59Before.
39:00OK.
39:01No, so the third rule was if they spoke in an Italian accent,
39:05a giant meatball would swing down and destroy their tower.
39:08Oh!
39:09So I was kind of trying to prompt them...
39:11You were?
39:12Just made you look like a psycho.
39:14No, yes.
39:15It was about the leaning tower.
39:17The idea was that it was the best leaning tower, wasn't it?
39:20Yes.
39:21Yeah, and I thought that Abbey, Tom and Tefinga's one
39:24was slightly like that.
39:26It looked like a giant phallus coming out of the leaning tower.
39:29There's a phallic part to it slightly on the right there,
39:32you've got to say.
39:33Works good.
39:34I would like to point out that we used nothing but pasta.
39:37We didn't have glue or tape or any kind of aid.
39:39That was just a self-contained pasta structure.
39:42That's a rubber band.
39:45Made entirely from slightly sucked pasta.
39:49OK, I will go two points for Hayley and Ben
39:52and four points for Abbey, Tefinga and Tom, OK?
39:56Glue.
39:57Glue and tape.
39:58Glue and tape, who knew?
39:59Glue and tape.
40:00So now that we've followed the three rules of Pasta Towers,
40:03it's time for you to follow the three rules of advertising.
40:05Buy, buy, buy.
40:07We'll see you after this.
40:09Tēnā tātou.
40:10Welcome back to Taskmaster.
40:12It's almost time for our live task, which could decide it all,
40:15but first, Paul, how's our scoreboard looking tonight?
40:18In first place, it's Abbey Howells on 20 points.
40:25Interesting.
40:26Everyone's looking at Abbey Howells.
40:28Abbey Howells.
40:29Abbey Howells.
40:30Abbey Howells.
40:31Abbey Howells.
40:32Abbey Howells.
40:33Abbey Howells.
40:34Abbey Howells.
40:35Abbey Howells.
40:36Abbey Howells.
40:37Interesting.
40:38Everyone, please make your way to the stage for the live task.
40:46OK, Paul, who's reading the task tonight?
40:48Madeline Sami on behalf of Tofinga.
40:51Thank you so much.
40:52And can I just say it's a privilege to be here and...
40:55Go season one, Taskmaster!
40:57OK, here we go.
40:58Fan out your flame.
41:00You cannot move from or move your mat.
41:04You may not throw items.
41:06If your candle falls, you are disqualified.
41:09Fastest fanned out flame wins.
41:14Contestants ready?
41:15Yes.
41:19Feet back, Tom.
41:20Foot back.
41:22Hayley, foot back, please.
41:29Hayley, Hayley, foot back.
41:32Tom, foot on the mat, please.
41:34Come on, Mads, come on, Mads, be a friend.
41:36Come on, Mads.
41:38Foot back.
41:52Are we going to battle out for one point?
41:54Oh, no, yeah, I will.
41:56You couldn't have scripted this, Jeremy.
41:58It's nerd versus job.
42:02Oh, my God.
42:06Go out!
42:08She's practising sorcery.
42:12Yeah, this is...
42:22You're flaming, you're inflaming it, you're adding oxygen.
42:25Oh, no!
42:32Abby, would you like to blow out your flame?
42:42Come back down and let's see how that's affected the scores.
42:54So, based on that live task, Abby gets one point,
42:58Ben gets two, Tom gets three, four for Hayley,
43:01and the winner of the live task with five points,
43:04representing Tofinga, was Madeline Sami.
43:08Well done.
43:10Great use of the jacket.
43:12OK, so where do we sit, though, for the episode?
43:14Our winner, by one point, second place was Hayley,
43:18first place is Abby Howells.
43:21Congratulations, Abby.
43:23You're now the proud owner of five success-inducing secrets.
43:27Go up and enjoy your bounty, please.
43:29So close!
43:30Well done, Abby.
43:31Thank you for joining us for another episode of Taskmaster tonight.
43:35We've learned how important it is to really make something of your life
43:38so that your single greatest achievement
43:40isn't watching an amateur production of Little Shop of Horrors
43:43or chucking a tennis ball at a block of wood.
43:47But most importantly,
43:49we've learned that the winner of Taskmaster season five, episode two,
43:53is Abby Howells.
43:56I've been Jeremy Wells.
43:58We'll see you next time.
43:59Goodnight. Ka kite anō.
44:16OK, Paul, should we get down to business?
44:20Oh!
44:23That's five points from me.
44:26Yes!
44:27You're under arrest!
44:28He can't help but be an alpha.
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