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  • 9/24/2024

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00:00No!
00:02No!
00:04Oh!
00:06Oh!
00:08Oh!
00:10Oh!
00:12Oh!
00:14He slayed it!
00:16Oh!
00:18Oh!
00:20Oh!
00:22Oh!
00:24Oh!
00:26Oh!
00:28Is this good television?
00:30CHEERING
00:32CHEERING
00:34CHEERING
00:36CHEERING
00:38Welcome one and all to the third season of Taskmaster Australia.
00:42The deities that run Channel 10
00:44have blessed us with another opportunity
00:46to present a season of triumph
00:48and pratfalls to you,
00:50the humble viewer, watching with your family
00:52huddled around the television
00:54or more likely on your phone
00:56in the toilet at work.
00:58My name is Tom Gleeson and I believe no person
01:00should be defined by their job
01:02unless that job is my job
01:04and my job is being the Taskmaster.
01:06CHEERING
01:08CHEERING
01:10Over the next ten episodes,
01:12five comedians will try to impress me
01:14by completing a series of highly intricate tasks.
01:16These tasks will test
01:18various life skills such as
01:20intelligence, hand-eye coordination
01:22and not being a dipshit.
01:24At the end, one of them
01:26will win a prize which will make them
01:28both the envy of their peers
01:30and a target for international art thieves.
01:32It's my big old head
01:34painted gold.
01:36CHEERING
01:38Now let us savour this moment
01:40while we still think highly of them
01:42and give a warm welcome to our season
01:44three contestants. Aaron Chen!
01:46CHEERING
01:48Concetta Caristo!
01:50Mel Buttle!
01:52Peter Hellier!
01:54And Rhys Nicholson!
01:56CHEERING
01:58And finally
02:00attached to my side like a
02:02skin tag that doctors refuse
02:04to remove because they're afraid
02:06of what it will smell like.
02:08It's my assistant, Tom Cashman.
02:10CHEERING
02:12Welcome back,
02:14Leper Tom, you smelly bastard.
02:16Thank you. How've you been?
02:18Not too bad. I'm glad to even be here.
02:20I've got a photo of near the elevators
02:22at my hotel this morning.
02:24I was standing there for
02:26hours waiting for three more people
02:28to arrive
02:30so I could enter the elevator.
02:32So you take, you know,
02:34instructions very seriously
02:36even if they're just on a full scap page
02:38sticky taped to a wall.
02:40Those were the kinds of thoughts I was having
02:42at around hour two.
02:44Alright, Leper Tom.
02:46How are we kicking things off tonight?
02:48The first task is a prize task.
02:50Each contestant has brought in a prize.
02:52You, the taskmaster, will rank them one to five
02:54and the person who wins tonight's episode
02:56will walk home with all five prizes.
02:58Tonight our contestants have been asked
03:00to bring in what they consider to be
03:02the worst thing to wake up and find
03:04at the end of your bed.
03:06OK. Aaron, what have you brought in?
03:08I've brought in a
03:1037 litre laundry tub
03:12filled to the brim
03:14with custard.
03:16APPLAUSE
03:20It's not convenient, like,
03:22if you wake up in the morning, that's splashing
03:24everywhere and it's custard as well,
03:26quite viscous.
03:28And even just due to its weight alone, you've already
03:30short-sheeted your bed.
03:32So you've had a bad night's sleep and there it is.
03:34I don't know what short-sheeted means
03:36but I agree.
03:38OK.
03:40APPLAUSE
03:42Well, Aaron, maybe we can go on a camp together
03:44where you can short-sheet your bed
03:46so you can learn what it means.
03:48Yeah, and I'll short-sheet you as well.
03:50Oh, yeah!
03:52LAUGHTER
03:54What about you, Conchetta?
03:56What did you bring in?
03:58I brought in a spooky doll.
04:00Um...
04:02She's got pink eye as well.
04:04LAUGHTER
04:06She really wants to get into bed with you
04:08to short-sheet you as well.
04:10Do you know what short-sheet is?
04:12Bad?
04:14You're not supposed to learn things on this show,
04:16so I'll move on.
04:18OK, so why would you be worried about the pink eye?
04:20Are you kidding?
04:22Conjunctivitis is a hidden
04:24problem of this country.
04:26All right, so, Mel,
04:28what would you be worried about waking up to
04:30at the end of your bed?
04:32A low-cost doona.
04:34LAUGHTER
04:36APPLAUSE
04:38What are you trying to claim here,
04:40that you're better than that, or...?
04:42Yep. OK. I'm so much better than that.
04:44There's no natural fibres in that.
04:46That is a fire hazard, secondly.
04:48And it just communicates to the person
04:50in your bed with you that that's
04:52what you think they're worth.
04:54LAUGHTER
04:56You just reminded me of my fear,
04:58and that's waking up with someone
05:00pretentious at the end of my bed.
05:02LAUGHTER
05:04Peter, what have you brought in?
05:06Tom, the worst thing I could wake up to
05:08is recording a podcast at the end of my bed.
05:10LAUGHTER
05:12APPLAUSE
05:14I'm feeling the fear, Pete.
05:16So you wake up,
05:18you see them there, what's your first thought?
05:20Well, what are you doing at the foot of my bed?
05:22LAUGHTER
05:24What's this podcast about?
05:26How are they recording it with nothing plugged in?
05:28LAUGHTER
05:30Why are your mates 22 years old?
05:32LAUGHTER
05:34APPLAUSE
05:36They consider me the Fonzie of comedy, you see.
05:38All my friends are very young.
05:40You just said you're the Fonzie of comedy,
05:42which is an outdated reference.
05:44LAUGHTER
05:46APPLAUSE
05:48Rhys, what did you bring in?
05:50I thought about it long and hard,
05:52and I realised what I think the worst thing
05:54at the end of my bed would be...
05:56leprosy.
05:58LAUGHTER
06:00APPLAUSE
06:02I feel like now the pink eye's less of an issue.
06:04LAUGHTER
06:06Well, I'm just thinking that the leprosy,
06:08it's inside the container, not outside the container.
06:10Well, you can open it up.
06:12And I'm a pretty violent sleeper.
06:14You leave that at the bottom, you smash it open,
06:16suddenly, bam, leprosy.
06:18Fingernails, right off. Toenails, right off.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:22All right, everyone.
06:24I'm sorry, too soon on leprosy?
06:26LAUGHTER
06:28I'm going to give one point to Mel, sorry,
06:30because the dooner at the end of your bed,
06:32it's still a dooner, so it can warm you up,
06:34so it's not that frightening.
06:36I'm giving two points to Rhys,
06:38because they found a prop at the end of their bed.
06:40Conchita, I'm going to give you three points,
06:42because a dolly's quite scary,
06:44regardless of what eye condition it has.
06:46Aaron, you get four points,
06:48because you're very polite.
06:50You didn't have to do that.
06:52No worries, Aaron.
06:54But I'm going to give five points to Peter Hellier,
06:56because I'm a white middle-aged man,
06:58and I'm frightened of podcasters, too.
07:00LAUGHTER
07:02APPLAUSE
07:04All right, my little pretty poppet,
07:06are tasks proper, is it?
07:08Yes, superior poppet.
07:10LAUGHTER
07:12This next piece of unprovoked seduction
07:14will make more sense in approximately 30 seconds.
07:16LAUGHTER
07:18MUSIC PLAYS
07:30LAUGHTER
07:32Should I run? This feels so slow.
07:34Tom. Hi, Pete.
07:36Hi, Mel. I'm coming, darling.
07:38How you doing, Tom? Hi, Aaron.
07:40I think I have a message. Oh.
07:42In a letterbox for me.
07:44Posties bean?
07:46I like getting mail.
07:48Oh!
07:50Uh-oh!
07:52Oh, my gosh.
07:54The eyes have it.
07:56How did you know both my parents were optometrists?
07:58Do the most epic wink.
08:00Your first wink counts.
08:02You have 20 minutes.
08:04Most epic wink wins.
08:06Your time starts now.
08:08What's epic?
08:10Like a grand entrance.
08:12Like, an epic, we think of an epic movie.
08:14You know, Ben-her.
08:16These days, I think we call it Ben-them,
08:18just to be politically correct.
08:20The over-the-shoulder thing?
08:22I want to wink, though. OK. Start.
08:24I think winking's brilliant.
08:26Really, you know that about me.
08:28But you're not very good at it? No.
08:30Maybe I save your life. Wow.
08:32I don't know if I would.
08:34No, I would. People watching.
08:36People love in a movie when someone is well again.
08:38So I'm going to be in the crutches
08:40and I go, oh, Willy Wonka, where he does the forward roll.
08:42So faking a disability. Faking.
08:44Maybe 20 soldiers
08:46with rifles. 20 soldiers?
08:48Like, quite a lot of soldiers.
08:50Would you agree that maybe, like, three
08:52would also be a large amount of soldiers?
08:54Three is small.
08:56It would be epic if I got Paul Rudd
08:58to wink at you.
09:00Do you have his number? No.
09:02Call my mother!
09:04I'm going to go inside. How many minutes?
09:06Nine minutes and ten seconds.
09:08CHEERING
09:10So who's
09:12quote-unquote epic wink
09:14are we going to see first?
09:16He's cute, he's cheeky, he smells like custard
09:18and we all know why. It's Aaron Shedd.
09:20CHEERING
09:22WHISTLE BLOWS
09:28All hail
09:30the most objectively epic
09:32winker.
09:34LAUGHTER
09:36TRUMPETS
09:38MUSIC
09:40G'day, guys.
09:42Things are about to look
09:44pretty epic.
09:46LAUGHTER
09:48CHEERING
09:50APPLAUSE
09:54OK, so task one
09:56of episode one and you've blown up the house.
09:58Start big,
10:00you know? Aaron kept insisting
10:02that we have 20 extras
10:04and I kept insisting that we don't
10:06have 20 extras.
10:08So we shot that four different
10:10times and then spliced
10:12five people
10:14to turn them into 20.
10:16APPLAUSE
10:18All right, which winkers
10:20are we seeing next, Cashboy?
10:22LAUGHTER
10:24These two should be naturals.
10:26They both sleep with one eye open.
10:28Ever since those allegations, it's Mel Buttle and
10:30Conchetta Cristo.
10:32Hi, Mum.
10:34Mum,
10:36I'm on Taskmaster
10:38right now. Here's Tom,
10:40by the way. Hello, Marlena.
10:42Hi, how are you?
10:44How many minutes are left, Tom?
10:46One minute and 16 seconds.
10:48Perfect! So I need your help for this.
10:50Most epic wink wins.
10:52What about the wink one eye
10:54after the other? Why don't we
10:56through the FaceTime wink at Tom
10:58at the same time? That's probably epic.
11:00That's probably more than he's getting in, like,
11:02ages. One
11:04epic wink, artisanal,
11:06locally made. What could be
11:08more epic than something made right
11:10here in your own backyard by me,
11:12an artist?
11:14I think a mum
11:16plus a daughter, powerful. You wanted
11:18one wink? Just kidding, I'm going to give you
11:20a hundred. We're going to do it at the same
11:22time. Three,
11:24two, one,
11:26go!
11:28LAUGHTER
11:30LAUGHTER
11:32Wink!
11:34Oh, that's epic.
11:36You see that? So it's a genuine
11:38wink. That one's not moving.
11:40OK. Tom, we need a
11:42response. Yep, I can
11:44see him.
11:46This is called the mother-daughter
11:48tag team.
11:50You're welcome.
11:52Thank you. Say bye to Tom, Mum.
11:54See you, Marlena.
11:56I'm going to leave that
11:58here for Museum Wants It.
12:00Oh, right, OK. Whatever.
12:02You just got double
12:04teamed! Woo!
12:06Hey, thanks, Tom. Hey, thanks,
12:08Mum.
12:10APPLAUSE
12:12So the mother-daughter tag team,
12:14do you regret using that?
12:16No, I stand by it. I think
12:18that's what made it epic, you know?
12:20Like, you could look that up on a porn
12:22site.
12:24But Tom didn't have to. I didn't have to,
12:26but...
12:28LAUGHTER
12:30APPLAUSE
12:32So, Mel. Yep. Just to be
12:34clear, who winks by starting with
12:36both eyes closed?
12:38Because I feel like with your craft, they were both
12:40closed, and then one
12:42eye open. That seems like
12:44a peek, not a wink. I think
12:46you can start with both eyes closed, if you want.
12:48I mean, isn't every task
12:50open to interpretation? No.
12:52LAUGHTER
12:54No? Well, it's open to your interpretation
12:56by us. Thank you. By us. Oh, by you.
12:58Not by you. If you know what I mean.
13:00LAUGHTER
13:02APPLAUSE
13:04After seeing those, I kind
13:06of wish Aaron had blown up the house.
13:08LAUGHTER
13:10Alright, it's time for the first hotly
13:12anticipated ad break of our season.
13:14Then more comedians closing one
13:16of their eyes epically after this.
13:18APPLAUSE
13:20MUSIC
13:22APPLAUSE
13:24MUSIC
13:26APPLAUSE
13:28Welcome back to
13:30Cars Master, everyone, where we are
13:32finding out which Australian comedians
13:34can't make basic facial
13:36expressions. Lesser Tom, bring us up
13:38to speed. Our contestants had 20 minutes
13:40to do the most epic wink. So
13:42far, Aaron has used 20 extras to
13:44imitate an authoritarian dictator
13:46and conceder facetimed her mum.
13:48LAUGHTER
13:50Who's up next? The eye is the window
13:52to the soul. Does this next guy have one?
13:54It's Peter Hellyer.
13:56That's epic to you. You know what I would love?
13:58What I've never seen before in the history
14:00of cinema, and I'm not sure if we can
14:02do this, I'm not sure if we have access,
14:04but like a drone
14:06wink shot. Imagine
14:08if the drone comes
14:10around the trees and comes up here
14:12and I'll give the wink.
14:14LAUGHTER
14:16You've just winked. What?
14:18LAUGHTER
14:20But I don't get to do my drone shot.
14:22First wink counts. I mean,
14:24it was almost Shakespearean,
14:26wasn't it? Because my hand was like
14:28there, and to me it was
14:30a nod to The Great Bard.
14:32Epic.
14:36APPLAUSE
14:38LAUGHTER
14:40Wow!
14:42The joke's on you. You'll never see it.
14:44You'll never see it. So,
14:46what went wrong? I was so in the moment,
14:48mate. Like, I could
14:50see the shot, and I was describing it,
14:52and I was in that zone, and I could
14:54feel it, and I gave it that one,
14:56and I still think it was actually
14:58pretty epic, to be honest. Nobody else winked
15:00with the hand in front of their face.
15:02So... Well, I thought it was pretty
15:04amazing how you pivoted so rapidly
15:06to Shakespeare. Shakespeare.
15:08LAUGHTER
15:10Is this a dagger I see before me?
15:12LAUGHTER
15:14Alright, Mr Tom, who's lucky last
15:16tonight? In a plot twist only to
15:18viewers just tuning in, it's the contestant
15:20whose wink we haven't seen yet, Rhys Nicholson.
15:22LAUGHTER
15:24MUSIC
15:26Oh!
15:28LAUGHTER
15:30Hey!
15:32LAUGHTER
15:34MUSIC
15:36MUSIC
15:38MUSIC
15:40Checkmate!
15:42MUSIC
15:44Woo-hoo!
15:46Woo-hoo!
15:48MUSIC
15:50Whoa! This is epic!
15:52I'm water skiing, and I'm going super
15:54fast!
15:56MUSIC
15:58LAUGHTER
16:00APPLAUSE
16:02APPLAUSE
16:04APPLAUSE
16:06APPLAUSE
16:08For your low-key consideration.
16:10LAUGHTER
16:12So let me get this right, Rhys. If you're non-binary,
16:14are you allowed to make fun of disabled people?
16:16LAUGHTER
16:18LAUGHTER
16:20I'm just asking, does one cancel the other out?
16:22If you're a straight white man, are you allowed
16:24to even bring up the fact that I'm non-binary?
16:26LAUGHTER
16:28Yes, you are.
16:30No, I was
16:32empowering people, and I
16:34wouldn't even say I was disabled in that.
16:36I was just someone who
16:38bought those two...
16:40You were the ones that had them in your shed, you weirdo!
16:42LAUGHTER
16:44Well, it's tricky, because I think that Aaron and Rhys
16:46both got a huge reaction. Working from the
16:48top down, I'm going to give Aaron five,
16:50I'm going to give Rhys four,
16:52and then, even though Peter
16:54Helliers was very short and he kind of
16:56tripped the trigger, it was still better than
16:58Mel's and Conchetta's
17:00shit attempts.
17:02So you're on three.
17:04Two points to Conchetta for the blue wink,
17:06and I'm going to give one point to Mel for the
17:08reverse wink.
17:10APPLAUSE
17:12OK, Lester, Tom, what does that
17:14mean for our scores? Well, in last place
17:16we have Mel with two points, but the
17:18moment is Aaron Chen with nine points.
17:20APPLAUSE
17:22Give me another
17:24task, please. No need to
17:26look at your watch, I'm about to tell you what time
17:28it is.
17:30MUSIC
17:32MUSIC
17:34MUSIC
17:36MUSIC
17:38MUSIC
17:40Hello.
17:42Hey, Tom. Do you know what time it is?
17:44Task time! No, it's Frisbee
17:46time.
17:48LAUGHTER
17:50Oh!
17:52APPLAUSE
17:54It's not a good throw. It's Frisbee time.
17:56LAUGHTER
17:58Frisbee time.
18:00APPLAUSE Nice catch.
18:02Thank you. See, we can get on.
18:04On.
18:06Throw a Frisbee
18:08into the caravan from the furthest distance.
18:10Your first successful
18:12throw counts. Furthest distance
18:14wins. Also, you must celebrate
18:16every miss.
18:18It's opposite day.
18:20Opposite day. I love you.
18:22LAUGHTER And commiserate
18:24your successful throw.
18:26Least convincing
18:28celebrating and commiserating
18:30will have their successful distance halved.
18:32You have 15 minutes.
18:34Your time starts now.
18:36APPLAUSE
18:38There's a lot of layers to this one.
18:40So, it's your first successful attempt
18:42You have to have reverse emotions. That's right.
18:44OK. These idiots are going to struggle, aren't they?
18:46LAUGHTER
18:48We'll see.
18:50Alright, who's up first?
18:52Will they throw in the caravan or the towel?
18:54It's Conchetta, Aaron and Pete.
18:56You throw a Frisbee.
18:58There's no way around that.
19:00Alright, we'll give throwing a go.
19:02I'm not sure if the cameras are picking up. It's pretty windy.
19:04Not really. You'll be protected by the trees.
19:06It's windy over there? Yeah, very windy.
19:08Wow. OK. Let's just raw dog it.
19:10LAUGHTER
19:14Yeah!
19:20Yeah!
19:22Oh, so it's harder than I thought, isn't it?
19:26Yeah!
19:30Alright, I can make that.
19:32So, I'm going to go a bit further.
19:34Yes!
19:36LAUGHTER
19:38Yes! Yes!
19:42Yes!
19:44Yes!
19:48Yeah!
19:52Yes!
19:56That looks vaguely unhinged.
19:58I don't have a lot more screams left.
20:00Oh!
20:04Yeah!
20:06LAUGHTER
20:10That felt good.
20:12Get some tape. Tape? Yeah.
20:14As usual, this is coming off. OK.
20:16You should wear it.
20:18Do you want to put it on?
20:20Yeah!
20:22OK, OK.
20:24You're going to get it in now?
20:26OK, go as far as he can.
20:28Hold that string taut. Taut?
20:30Get this disc into the car.
20:32It's a caravan.
20:34LAUGHTER
20:38LAUGHTER
20:42OK, I'm going to go like this.
20:48Oh, no!
20:50LAUGHTER
20:52No! What's that mean?
20:54You completed the task. No!
20:56No!
20:58Are you joking?
21:00Where did it say that?
21:0217.
21:0416. Yeah!
21:06Yes! No!
21:08It's the second line.
21:10Take that off.
21:1215.
21:14Yeah! Oh!
21:16LAUGHTER
21:18You don't deserve it. You're not juicy.
21:20Thanks, Aaron.
21:22It's your fault.
21:24Very windy.
21:26The wind's blowing my jacket.
21:28You think anyone will do worse than you?
21:30You are a meanie.
21:32Thanks, Concetta.
21:34Bye, Tom!
21:36CHEERING
21:42Um, it was very localised wind
21:44on the day you were out there, Pete.
21:46It was like, you know, those cartoon clouds
21:48where it's just over... It must have been like that,
21:50the wind version of that.
21:52Now, Concetta, when you said,
21:54this is harder than I thought, was that a celebration?
21:56Yes, it was, Tom.
21:58What are you saying?
22:00My nonna would say it
22:02every time she won the lottery.
22:04LAUGHTER
22:06Wait! Wait!
22:08LAUGHTER
22:10How many times has she won the lottery?
22:12LAUGHTER
22:14So at the very end, though,
22:16that reaction seemed quite genuine.
22:18It was real. I can't tell, though,
22:20if it was good acting or you were angry
22:22because you realised how close you were when you got it in.
22:24It was the second one. Oh, so you weren't acting.
22:26You were genuinely annoyed.
22:28Yes. Is that bad?
22:30LAUGHTER
22:32I'd like some time with my client.
22:34LAUGHTER
22:36Just shut up!
22:38LAUGHTER
22:40APPLAUSE
22:42Now, Aaron, you also had an interesting technique.
22:44You were throwing it like that,
22:46which either means you know exactly what you were doing
22:48or you've got no idea.
22:50In ultimate frisbee,
22:52that is called a hammer throw.
22:54AUDIENCE GROANS
22:56It's good to know.
22:58When you finally got it in, you almost celebrated.
23:00Yeah, almost.
23:02Do we have to count that original celebration
23:04or do we accept the flip to the commiseration?
23:06I think you should be judging the overall commiseration
23:08and celebration of each of the contestants
23:10and that should be taken into account.
23:12You're going to get in big trouble, mate.
23:14LAUGHTER
23:16APPLAUSE
23:20So Conchetta was three metres away from the caravan.
23:22Aaron was 8.4 metres away
23:24and Pete was 12.65 metres away.
23:26APPLAUSE
23:30And in great news, Channel 10 have said
23:32we no longer have to play advertisements.
23:34Happy opposite day!
23:36LAUGHTER
23:38More confused comedians after this.
23:40CHEERING
23:42APPLAUSE
23:44MUSIC
23:46CHEERING
23:48CHEERING
23:50Welcome back to Cars Pass Day.
23:52Where were we last time?
23:54We were throwing frisbees into a caravan
23:56and we're not happy about it.
23:58Unless we miss, in which case we are.
24:00OK, that makes perfect sense. Who's next?
24:02She's great at acting, the opposite of how she's feeling
24:04ever since those allegations.
24:06It's Mel Buttle.
24:08So if you threw it, right,
24:10and you got it in, you go,
24:12aww...
24:14All the information you needed in the task.
24:16Information...whatever.
24:18From the furthest distance.
24:22OK, it's harder than it looks.
24:24Yay!
24:26What happens when I run out of flying discs?
24:28You may reuse.
24:32Oh, bloody hell!
24:34LAUGHTER
24:36Thank you, Mel.
24:38APPLAUSE
24:40I apologise, Conchetta.
24:42It turns out saying it's harder than it looks
24:44is a very common celebration.
24:46LAUGHTER
24:48Mel knew my nonna for many, many years.
24:50So, as far as I can tell,
24:52you stood pretty close to the caravan
24:54and then just
24:56didn't show any emotion.
24:58Did you understand the task?
25:00I'm from Queensland.
25:02I said, bloody hell, in a slightly grumpy manner,
25:04that's as good as it's going to get.
25:06LAUGHTER
25:08Mel was standing 5.47 metres
25:10away from the caravan,
25:12currently in third place.
25:14APPLAUSE
25:16One left by my count, Lesser Tom.
25:18Who is it?
25:20They eat frisbees for breakfast,
25:22even though everyone keeps telling them to stop.
25:24It's Rhys Nicholson.
25:26My first thought is, I don't want to be on this show anymore.
25:28My second thought is, I'd like a lot of rope.
25:30OK.
25:34Jesus Christ!
25:36What are you doing in this house
25:38that you need this much rope?
25:40Do you know much about knots?
25:42No, never.
25:44We're involved in the Scouts.
25:46It's just a reason to hang out with men in their 40s.
25:48And that doesn't interest you?
25:50A little bit more these days.
25:54I'm fine, thank you.
25:56Wait.
25:58So we're going to try it out.
26:00So here, I'm just
26:02throwing my frisbee.
26:04OK.
26:06LAUGHTER
26:08CHEERING
26:16Did it go in?
26:22LAUGHTER
26:34Why are you upset?
26:36It went in!
26:40Thanks, Rhys.
26:42CHEERING
26:46So, Aaron, how do you feel
26:48Rhys' rope mechanism compared to your
26:50rope mechanism?
26:52I don't know.
26:54Don't you reckon there's notes of cheating?
26:56LAUGHTER
26:58Do you know what's weird about that?
27:00Tom can back this up.
27:02At no point did I pick up a frisbee and try and throw it in.
27:04LAUGHTER
27:06Most of my time was spent going,
27:08how can I do this without any
27:10physical fitness involved whatsoever?
27:12Because I just know I'm not coordinated.
27:14OK, so the method was born out of desperation.
27:16Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.
27:18LAUGHTER
27:20Mel, how do you feel about your commitment to acting
27:22now that you've seen Rhys' performance?
27:24Rhys' performance was a little bit
27:26not realistic.
27:28But you were saying he had a realistic performance,
27:30which would be at home in Queensland.
27:32Oh, I think it's still
27:34quite illegal what Rhys does in Queensland.
27:36LAUGHTER
27:38APPLAUSE
27:40LAUGHTER
27:42APPLAUSE
27:44Shall we look at the scores?
27:46Well, so Pete is the current leader with 12.65 metres.
27:48When Rhys threw the frisbee,
27:50they were 34.8 metres
27:52away from the caravan.
27:54CHEERING
27:56APPLAUSE
27:58However, you need to decide
28:00who was the worst celebrator
28:02slash commiserator, because we will be
28:04halving their distance.
28:06OK. It was Mel.
28:08LAUGHTER
28:10So that means Mel gets one point, Conchetta two,
28:12Aaron three, Pete four, and Rhys wins the task
28:14with five points.
28:16CHEERING
28:18So what happens now, Tom?
28:20With the turn in the equinox,
28:22a newfound task is upon your constellation.
28:24LAUGHTER
28:26MUSIC PLAYS
28:30MUSIC STOPS
28:36BELL RINGS
28:38LAUGHTER
28:42Hi, Tom. How are you doing?
28:44Hi, Aaron. Oh, this is very pretty.
28:46Oh, thank you. Are you a mystical man?
28:48Very mystical. This reminds me
28:50of everyone's house
28:52that I used to go to in my 20s.
28:54Oh, right.
28:56LAUGHTER
28:58Oh!
29:00It's the other Tom.
29:02LAUGHTER
29:04Make your horoscope for today come true.
29:06Most realised horoscope wins.
29:08You have 30 minutes.
29:10Your time starts now.
29:12When I was about nine...
29:14Here we go. ..I asked my dad
29:16what horoscope I was. Mm-hm.
29:18And he said,
29:20I'm pretty sure you're either a bull or a lion.
29:22And then he looked it up and he went,
29:24oh, no, you're a virgin.
29:26LAUGHTER
29:28APPLAUSE
29:32Are you going to be telling us stories from your life
29:34in every episode?
29:36Not if you don't like it.
29:38Before we continue, we gave each contestant
29:40their horoscope for that day
29:42based on their star sign.
29:44OK. Whose horoscope realisation attempt
29:46shall we start with?
29:48Both are Gemini's, but only one is about to attempt this task.
29:50It's Marilyn Monroe and Peter Hellyer.
29:52LAUGHTER
29:54Tomorrow is a day to focus
29:56on your communication skills
29:58and don't be afraid
30:00to speak your mind.
30:02This is also a good time to connect
30:04with friends and loved ones.
30:06Does any of that resonate with you?
30:08There are times where maybe I wouldn't
30:10completely speak my mind to spare
30:12other people's feelings. Do you have an example?
30:14I don't like your haircut.
30:16Oh. Also a good time to connect with friends.
30:18I haven't spoken with Dave Hughes
30:20for a while.
30:22What's up, buddy?
30:24What are you up to?
30:30It's about time.
30:34I'm just calling
30:36I wanted to really tell you
30:38how much you mean to me and
30:40you've always meant a lot to me.
30:46I'm not on the podcast, mate.
30:48Don't have a gun to my head, mate.
30:52I appreciate the sentiment,
30:54no matter how it's come about.
30:56It's content we're creating.
30:58Mate, it's not about content.
31:00A sincere moment between two mates.
31:02I just want you to accept it.
31:04Whatever objective you set out to achieve,
31:06I think you've achieved it.
31:08Love you, Pete.
31:10Love you, Hughsy. Go on, mate.
31:12OK. Goodbye.
31:14You still got a taste for bull's penis or not?
31:16Oh, come on. OK.
31:18APPLAUSE
31:22I think we've learnt
31:24a lot about your relationship.
31:26Do you feel bad that he could see through your faux sincerity
31:28so quickly to decide
31:30that it's probably content?
31:32Yeah, that was disappointing.
31:34I thought he may have read the room and realised
31:36not to go down that path.
31:38But he's not.
31:40For the amount of showbiz that Hughsy has done,
31:42he's still not that good at it.
31:44LAUGHTER
31:46Help me out, Hughsy.
31:48I'm obviously doing something. I'm not going to ring you to tell you
31:50I love you.
31:52Just roll with me for a little bit.
31:54But I think the task was successful.
31:56The communication was clear.
31:58It's also going to be very important into the ATO's investigation
32:00into Dave Hughes's affairs.
32:02So I'm glad we got that on tape.
32:04The phone call went for seven minutes
32:06and 57 seconds, 42%
32:08of which was Hughsy complaining about paying
32:10tax.
32:12APPLAUSE
32:14Your future looks bright, but you must be patient
32:16with others and willing to accept
32:18shame consumerism in the form of these advertisements.
32:20Further revelations of comedians'
32:22birthdays taken from Wikipedia
32:24still to come.
32:36Welcome back to Taskmaster,
32:38where five Australian comedians are competing
32:40for a vial of what Rhys Nicholson
32:42claims to be the biblical disease
32:44leprosy.
32:46So Tom, give us a recap.
32:48Our contestants have got 30 minutes
32:50to make their horoscope come true.
32:52I read my horoscope this morning and it said
32:54I need to be more assertive. But don't worry,
32:56I'm going to ignore it.
32:58And whose mystical nonsense
33:00do we get to see come true
33:02next? They're both Leo's,
33:04but only one has been counting their lucky stars
33:06recently since she beat those allegations.
33:08It's Aaron and Conchetta.
33:10Today is a day for you to embrace your natural
33:12leadership qualities.
33:14Your natural charisma and confidence
33:16will help you succeed in any
33:18endeavours you pursue. Use this
33:20opportunity to inspire and motivate those
33:22around you, but be mindful of not coming
33:24across as too domineering. Take charge
33:26and lead the way. Tom,
33:28rise.
33:30What are some of your fears?
33:32My fears? Yeah.
33:34My instinct says
33:36to make a toasted
33:38sandwich. You told me your fears are heights,
33:40confined spaces, loneliness
33:42and death. I want you to know that you can get through
33:44all of them and not be scared anymore. So I want
33:46you to find me bread.
33:48I could be more easily convinced if you
33:50said it with some charisma.
33:52Can you get some bread?
33:54Okay. I'm going to hand you some
33:56ways you could die. Here's the first one.
33:58You can die in your sleep. If someone
34:00punches you near the heart,
34:02it could stop. You could die on the toilet like
34:04Elvis did. How do you be charismatic?
34:06Smile more, look people in their
34:08beautiful eyes, keep your hands in view
34:10and use them to help you speak.
34:12Blooming octopus could sting
34:14you at the beach. Do you like the beach, Tom?
34:16I love the beach. So that's a bit of a
34:18bummer. I like a saucy bastard.
34:20You call your toasties bastards?
34:22They are the way I make them.
34:24I mean, that's a bit of a bastard.
34:26I reckon that's pretty good. It's a good
34:28sandwich that we've achieved our goals.
34:30Do you think I should
34:32do some more stuff?
34:34It's up to you. Watch this.
34:36No hands.
34:40Wow.
34:42Tom, I think that you can face
34:44any challenge that comes your way.
34:46Okay, and trapping me in a box up high and reminding
34:48me of diseases isn't domineering? No.
34:50Oh, that's perfect.
34:52Cheers.
34:54Do you like that?
34:56I'm gonna put my hand in and you're welcome
34:58to hold my hand. Oh, thank you.
35:00Does that make you feel less alone? Yeah.
35:04Have that bastard later.
35:10So, Conchetta, your
35:12version of inspiration had a striking
35:14resemblance to torture.
35:16Can you talk us through it?
35:18I didn't love it. I hated to see him
35:20in there scared. That's why I put my hand in.
35:22Right. And we held hands.
35:24So it was like exposure therapy, was it? Yeah.
35:26You made him live through those terrible times
35:28and then you inspired him after
35:30also being his tormentor.
35:32Yeah, yeah. It came from a good place because
35:34I'm Aaliyah.
35:36So, Aaron, your version of
35:38taking charge was
35:40making a toasted sandwich for Lesser Tom.
35:42Well, the way you summed it up
35:44just then was not flattering.
35:46But
35:48I think the process of it
35:50I was being quite, um,
35:52showing leadership qualities.
35:54I was putting on some of my best
35:56charisma. Would you like
35:58to use some charisma on the
36:00Taskmaster now? Good onion,
36:02mate.
36:04Wow, it's
36:06radiating out of you so naturally.
36:08Okay, let's see another
36:10horoscope come true, shall we? It's the
36:12bull my dad wished I was. Here's Taurus
36:14Rhys Nicholson. This is my horoscope.
36:16You may find yourself
36:18feeling more
36:20introspective than
36:22usual. Remember to take care of
36:24yourself and prioritise
36:26self-care. How do you take care of yourself?
36:28Well, at the moment I'm not really taking care
36:30of myself. You know, I'm very tired at the
36:32moment. Oh. I'm quite
36:34stressed about being on Taskmaster.
36:36Mmm. I'm stressed
36:38about what the Taskmaster thinks of
36:40me. Can I bring up another relevant factor?
36:42Yeah. That it's currently your birthday?
36:44Yeah. You're not
36:46wrong.
36:48And I'm here. Hmm. On my birthday.
36:50It
36:52says right here, trust your instincts
36:54and don't be afraid to make changes
36:56that will bring you closer to your desired outcomes.
36:58I would like to go
37:00home. Oh, okay.
37:04...
37:08You're off?
37:10I'm gonna go.
37:12Bye.
37:14See ya, Rhys.
37:16...
37:18...
37:20...
37:22...
37:24...
37:26So, hang on.
37:28So, you just left in the middle of a task.
37:30I just left. So, you were happy to let the whole production
37:32grind to a halt just because you were feeling a little bit
37:34selfish during that task. I gotta say,
37:36when I was taking my mic off, I said to the
37:38sound guy, is this alright? And he went, mate,
37:40no complaints.
37:42...
37:44...
37:46I feel like I need more detail here.
37:48I just don't quite buy that
37:50Rhys left right in the middle of production.
37:52Rhys left 45 minutes before
37:54the end of the day, which meant Rhys worked
37:5645 minutes less than the others, which means
37:58currently, Rhys is being paid
38:00$3 more per hour than the rest of you.
38:04Which I gotta say, that's
38:06self-care if ever I've seen it.
38:08Alright, up next
38:10we've got an ad break. Time to check if your
38:12horoscope is compatible with your partners.
38:14And when it's not, sit there in
38:16silence and think about why it's probably time
38:18you did something about it. See ya!
38:20...
38:22...
38:24...
38:26...
38:28...
38:30...
38:32...
38:34...
38:36...
38:38...
38:40...
38:42...
38:44Welcome back to Taskmaster
38:46Australia, the show where our country's
38:48best comedians risk it all for the chance
38:50at a compliment from me.
38:52An unfortunately necessary father
38:54figure in all their lives.
38:56Where are we up to, Lesser Tom?
38:58Our contestants are making their horoscopes come true.
39:00One more is there.
39:01Her birthday is January 25th, which means she's an Aquarius,
39:05and there's a good chance she was conceived on Anzac Day.
39:07It's Mel Buddle.
39:09Today is a day to focus on your career and professional goals.
39:14However, be mindful of communication with colleagues
39:17and superiors, as misunderstandings may arise.
39:20Well, correct.
39:21When is the time where you feel like you've been misunderstood?
39:24When I released my hip-hop album in Year 9,
39:27Misunderstood, literally, by MC Malicious.
39:31Really? Yeah.
39:32I do raps.
39:33I could do a rap and we could have a fight about it.
39:37I've already got the rap ready to go.
39:43Yo, what's up?
39:44MC Malicious on the track.
39:46Here we go. I'm about to drop it.
39:49I'm a rapper, I'm an actor, I'm a rhyme choreopractor.
39:51I'll snap you some rhymes and I'll chuck them back at you
39:54cos I'm rhyme supreme.
39:55Yes, I'm a rhyme machine.
39:57Let me take you through this rhyme routine.
39:598% of boys see this, they want to hit this.
40:02Hieroglyphics, your friends are misfits.
40:04What, every morning I eat my wee bits.
40:07Welcome to the rhyme olympics.
40:09Yeah, you could try hard, but you just won't beat this.
40:13I'm sorry, I just had to interrupt and stop the music.
40:15I just heard you say that you were a rhyme machine.
40:17Yes, I did. You're not a machine.
40:19You're a human. So me, I'm in character at the moment.
40:22I'm MC Malicious, so I'm not Mel.
40:24So MC Malicious, who doesn't exist,
40:26could therefore be part machine.
40:29I see, it sounds like it was a misunderstanding.
40:30Yes. Alright, I'll leave it to it.
40:32Yeah, big miscommunication.
40:34Sorry, Tom.
40:35All good.
40:36Alright, freestyle this one, just straight, straight, slowin'.
40:41Cos you know what, like a BMW, I'm always loving you.
40:44Cos of your interiors, they're smooth, like this groove.
40:48I'm out, bitch.
40:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:55Alright, Mel, how excited are you that you got to bust out that rap?
40:58I cannot wait for the career opportunities that are gonna be...
41:01LAUGHTER
41:02..in my inbox following this.
41:04Wow, that was quite a special moment.
41:07I feel like you've done it before.
41:08Where did you used to perform that rap?
41:10Year 9 maths, back row.
41:12LAUGHTER
41:13We haven't been scoring very well in this episode.
41:15Do you think you were misunderstood?
41:17Yeah, I think there's a few things
41:19that have gone wrong this episode in my favour,
41:21and I've not chosen to bring them up.
41:23And I thought, wait, wait, see if they use your rap,
41:26and then you'll probably get 39 points for that.
41:28LAUGHTER
41:30Problem solved.
41:32Right, so I believe I have to score.
41:34I have to put Rhys at one at the bottom,
41:36because they left early and kind of gave up.
41:38Aaron, I'm putting on two,
41:39because you asserted yourself by making a bastard.
41:42And I'm gonna give Pete three for referring Dave Hughes to the ATO.
41:48Conchetta, I'm giving four points too,
41:50because she did a really good job.
41:52LAUGHTER
41:53Sorry, you don't say that out loud.
41:55LAUGHTER
41:56But finally, due to the rapping talents of MC Mel Buddle,
42:01I've got to give Mel five points.
42:02CHEERING
42:05Yay!
42:06So how does that shake up the overall scores?
42:09Well, it's tight at the top, but with a one-point lead,
42:11it's Peter Hellyer.
42:12CHEERING
42:16Alright, let's head upstairs
42:17for our very first live task of the season.
42:20CHEERING
42:22MUSIC
42:24So, Lysa Tong, are we about to learn what short sheeting is?
42:28Aaron, can you please read the task?
42:30Entirely change your bed without leaving the bed.
42:34Then lie in it.
42:36If you or your linen touches the floor
42:38during the making of your bed,
42:40you must stop making it,
42:42kneel upright and sing an original 10-second lullaby
42:45to the taskmaster.
42:48Woo!
42:49Fastest wins.
42:50Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
42:53Alright, please enter the beds.
42:55Are we ready?
42:58WHISTLE BLOWS
42:59CHEERING
43:01MUSIC
43:08These pillows are shit!
43:09LAUGHTER
43:11This is hard, right?
43:13I know I am.
43:14LAUGHTER
43:17MUSIC
43:19Oh, my God, we have to change the dooner?!
43:21LAUGHTER
43:23Psycho!
43:24LAUGHTER
43:26Stop!
43:27Bill!
43:28Lullaby time.
43:30Oh!
43:31Rock-a-bye ginger, you are so tall
43:35In your bed you'll sleep till you will fall
43:39Have a nice dream of money and bitches
43:43You may start again. You can start again.
43:46Woo!
43:49You're very distracting.
43:50LAUGHTER
43:53Oh, my God.
43:54AUDIENCE GROANS
43:55HEAVY BREATHING
43:58LAUGHTER
43:59Lullaby time.
44:00Oh, my gosh, it's time to sleep
44:02And guess what?
44:03Please don't weep and go crazy
44:06It's bedtime, brother!
44:09LAUGHTER
44:10MUSIC
44:14Oh!
44:15That's amazing.
44:18APPLAUSE
44:21This has become so weird now for me.
44:24LAUGHTER
44:25Come on, everyone.
44:28Stop!
44:29LAUGHTER
44:30Mel, it's lullaby time.
44:33Have a beautiful rating season
44:38I know that your real name is Thomas Giggies.
44:42LAUGHTER
44:44You may resume.
44:46Can I call my wife?
44:49Can I call his wife?
44:52I've lost the pill, I guess.
44:55APPLAUSE
44:57Consider has a maid bed.
45:00AUDIENCE GROANS
45:03What's happening?
45:04Aaron touched.
45:05Don't you cry cos it's time for goodnight
45:08And everybody knows that it's Wednesday
45:12LAUGHTER
45:15Aaron has a maid bed.
45:18Is pizza maid bed?
45:19Yeah.
45:20LAUGHTER
45:21It's like a sleeping bag.
45:22It's perfect.
45:23It's how I sleep.
45:24I think we have Mel in fourth and Peter Hellier in fifth place.
45:28APPLAUSE
45:31Who has won the task will have to review what they did frame by frame
45:35as a sneaky ruse to play more ads.
45:37We'll be back soon.
45:38APPLAUSE
45:42MUSIC
45:46APPLAUSE
45:49Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
45:51If you're just joining us, your timing couldn't have been worse
45:54because we're about to finish.
45:56Before we crown our episode one winner,
45:58we're going to need some scores for that bed-making Lesser Tom.
46:01Pete was in fifth place with one point.
46:03Then we had Mel with two points.
46:05Aaron with three.
46:06Concetta had four points.
46:07And the winner of the first live task was Rhys with five points.
46:09APPLAUSE
46:12And much more importantly, who won the episode?
46:15In joint first place, we have Aaron and Rhys,
46:19which necessitates a tie-break.
46:21APPLAUSE
46:27What we are about to see is Rhys and Aaron.
46:29Both had 30 seconds to get a hundred hundreds and thousands
46:32into a glass.
46:33Let's see how that went.
46:35Your time starts now.
46:39Put them in there, right?
46:41How much time do I have left?
46:4224 seconds.
46:431, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10.
46:4520.
46:46I reckon it's not as much as you reckon it is.
46:5070.
46:51LAUGHTER
46:55Take out a bit.
46:58WHISTLE BLOWS
46:59Mate.
47:00APPLAUSE
47:04So, you needed to get the closest to 100.
47:07Aaron had 185.
47:11Rhys had 1,112.
47:14APPLAUSE
47:17Congratulations, Aaron.
47:18You are now the proud owner of a hideous claim on humanity.
47:23But as well as the podcasters, you get leprosy too.
47:26Get up on that stage and claim your goods.
47:29APPLAUSE
47:33So, what did we learn tonight?
47:35We learnt which short sheeting is and is not.
47:37We learnt Channel 10 have finally allowed us
47:39to air mass winking on national television.
47:43And we learnt if you dare to listen to the stars
47:46that surround the earth,
47:47they're telling us something special.
47:49Some white people are slightly better at rapping
47:51than you'd think.
47:53But most importantly, we learnt Aaron is the winner
47:56of Episode 1!
47:59See you all next week.
48:00Goodnight.
48:01APPLAUSE
48:03CHEERING
48:19G'day, Tom.
48:20Try to relax.
48:21Oh, thanks.
48:22LAUGHTER
48:25Here we go.
48:26Nice whistle, bitch.
48:28Five of Australia's only comedians will be at my mercy
48:32as they attempt to win the official Taskmaster trophy.
48:35I'm having a full-blown mental breakdown, Tom.
48:37What?!
48:39I've never seen a group take so long to do a task
48:41that they had a coffee break in the middle.
48:43F*** you!
48:45You're stupid.
48:46Shut the f*** up!
48:48LAUGHTER
48:51I don't know what's happening.
48:53BUZZER
48:55You got a good crowd reaction, but don't get confused.
48:58LAUGHTER