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  • 8/13/2024

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00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woo-hoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here.
00:07Come here.
00:08Jiggle a little.
00:09See?
00:10Oh!
00:11Yeah!
00:12Yeah!
00:13He-he-he!
00:14Nomai Pikimai and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38Thanks for joining us tonight, unless you're somehow watching this illegally, in which
00:42case I'd like to say you're very naughty and I hope you like jail because that's exactly
00:48where you're going.
00:49For the rest of you though, my name is Jeremy Wells and I am the Taskmaster.
00:59Joining me on the stage tonight are four of Aotearoa's top thousand comedians.
01:05They are Abbey Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayley Sproul, and Tom Sainsbury.
01:16And as you may know, Tofinga Whipuli'a'i cannot be with us in the studio this season, so in
01:23his place, we're being haunted by ghosts from Taskmaster's past.
01:30Standing in tonight, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Matt Heath.
01:33It's an honour.
01:34It's an honour to be back.
01:36Next to me, as always, keeping track of the scores and adding them all up like a big calculator
01:41made of human meat, it's my trusty assistant, Paul Williams!
01:49I'm not wearing a wire.
01:54It makes me think that you are wearing a wire.
01:55Why would you say that?
01:56Well, I say it because I'm not wearing a wire.
01:59That's why I'd say it.
02:00Paul, we can literally see it.
02:01It's like it's right there.
02:02In fact, we're all wearing them.
02:05It's how we're being heard right now.
02:07OK, but this one's wireless.
02:12All right.
02:15What's this week's prize task?
02:17Tonight, we have asked our contestants to bring in the best thing that you are confident
02:23that Jeremy has never owned in his life.
02:26Potentially very risky for our contestants, this one.
02:30Hayley?
02:31What have you brought in?
02:32I've taken a stab in the dark here because I don't know you that well, Jeremy.
02:36So I have brought in something I assume you haven't owned, which is a My First Period
02:40kit.
02:41You've got Women's Day, Woman's Day, Women's Weekly and Woman Magazine, because you are
02:48now a woman.
02:49There's pads, there's tampons, there's some fresh period undies in there.
02:51There's just everything you would need for your first period.
02:54I'm assuming you haven't owned one of these before?
02:56No, but I do have a 14-year-old daughter.
02:59Wow, you could share it with her.
03:02Matt, you are representing Tofinga tonight.
03:07What have you brought in?
03:08Well, I also don't know you that well, Jeremy, but you strike me as a sort of pampered kind
03:13of individual.
03:14So what I've brought in is something that you will never have experienced, and it's
03:19normal, cheap, low thread count bed linen.
03:26That's not linen, that's polyester.
03:27I can smell it from here.
03:28Get it off the screen.
03:29I don't even want to see it.
03:30I don't want to see it.
03:31Let's move on.
03:32Tom.
03:33Okay, having broken into your house, I know that you've already got the Wellington Beehive
03:41version and you've already got the Uluru version, but have you got the Sydney Opera House Puzzle?
03:48What?
03:49Do you like puzzles?
03:50I hate puzzles.
03:51Don't you like having fun?
03:56There's nothing fun about doing a puzzle.
03:58I mean, there's the picture.
03:59There it is there.
04:01It's been done before.
04:02We know it exists.
04:03I can honestly say I have never once done a puzzle.
04:07I've never picked up a piece to even do a puzzle.
04:10Have you ever got your staff to do it?
04:13I do a lot of puzzles.
04:15Abbey.
04:16Yes?
04:17What did you bring in?
04:18I made you a bullet journal.
04:20I made it Jeremy's journal, top secret, and I've decorated it.
04:25On the next page, just gratitude, you know, today I'm grateful for.
04:30And then on the next page, nice moments, you know, for example, being given this journal
04:35by my new friend, Abbey.
04:38So.
04:39That's beautiful.
04:40That is beautiful.
04:41It's very thoughtful.
04:42Thank you, Jeremy.
04:43I put it together.
04:44I sat at my coffee table and I said, I think he's going to like this, Abbey, and my mum
04:47thinks so too.
04:48I think if she sees it, it's lovely, Abbey.
04:53Ben.
04:55People might think of you as being a sort of button down, you know, clean cut high achiever.
05:00But I know for a fact, you were kicked out of a number of high schools, isn't that correct?
05:05One high school.
05:06That's good.
05:07Well, I was head boy of my high school.
05:09Were you?
05:10I was, of Harwara High School, just calm down, it just meant I didn't impregnate anybody.
05:16They give you a badge?
05:17They give you, they give you a plaque, Jeremy.
05:20And there it is there.
05:21I was head boy of Harwara High School 1997.
05:24I guarantee you don't have a head boy plaque.
05:28They give you a plaque?
05:29Yeah.
05:30Like you might forget that you were head boy or something?
05:32I will never forget that.
05:35Is head boy still in your CV?
05:37I mean, Tom, I don't have a CV.
05:42People just sort of know.
05:44All right, how am I going to score this?
05:48Have you had any of these items before?
05:49I have had terrible linen.
05:52So, I kind of feel like, Matt, you may come in for one point there.
05:57No.
05:58Tough moment.
05:59I have also had gratitude journals in the past, Abbey, which means two for you.
06:03Ben, I don't like a gloater, so three for you.
06:07That's more than I was expecting, I'll be honest.
06:10Four for you, Hayley, and there's no way I've ever had a puzzle anywhere near me.
06:15Five points for Tom.
06:16Well done, Tom.
06:17Well done.
06:18Okay, Paul, should we get down to business?
06:24If you like marshmallows, just buy some at the shop, they're not expensive, and just
06:29eat them.
06:30Anyway, enjoy this task.
06:31Can't see him.
06:32Oh, he's there.
06:33Oh, it's a tiny little one.
06:48So cute.
06:49Fun little task you got there.
06:50Do I put these on, I'm going to guess?
06:52Oh yeah, because this is tiny.
06:53I've actually got really good vision, I don't even really need these.
06:56I still can't see it.
06:58If you can read it, that'll help.
06:59Throw a marshmallow over the wall...
07:03And catch it in your mouth.
07:04You must wear zoom goggles, that's these, right?
07:08Mm-hmm.
07:09The whole time.
07:10Fewest attempts wins.
07:11You have until you catch a marshmallow in your mouth.
07:15Your time starts now.
07:17Your time starts now.
07:19Oh my gosh.
07:21How do I do that?
07:22How do I throw it over the wall and catch it in my own mouth?
07:26That's the task.
07:27That's what you've got to figure out.
07:29Right, let's see some hilariously inaccurate marshmallow tossing.
07:36This time, it's women and children last.
07:39First up, it's the fellas Ben Tefinga and Tom.
07:42Okay, here we go.
07:46Too far.
07:48Leave it.
07:53Oh, too far again.
07:55Don't even think about it.
08:03I reckon I can just run it down the wall.
08:06Oh, it hit my mouth!
08:15Oh, that was so close.
08:17Come on, Paul.
08:18You've got to hype me up better.
08:19Okay, sorry.
08:20You can do this.
08:21Oh, man, it's too hype.
08:24Come on, you might be able to do this.
08:30Leave it!
08:35It's in.
08:38Oh!
08:40Five.
08:41Is it five?
08:42One, two, three, four, five.
08:46Thank you, Tom.
08:48Peace.
08:49Thank you, Tefinga.
08:50Want a marshmallow?
08:51Yes, please.
08:52Go on.
08:53Hey, bubby!
09:00Ben and Tom, how did that wall taste?
09:02Bricky?
09:05Definitely wasn't bricky.
09:07I think it tasted like crayons.
09:09You guys managed to get the marshmallows in your mouth,
09:12but Tefinga was the only person who managed to do it
09:15without looking like a complete numpty.
09:17Yeah.
09:18Well, he didn't raise his head or open his mouth
09:20for the first five,
09:22so he looked cool for a while.
09:24The first time he actually opened his mouth and looked up,
09:26went straight in.
09:27I thought his method was way off,
09:29but it looked really good when it happened.
09:31It looked so cool.
09:32So much better than us, Tom.
09:33Yeah.
09:34We're just a couple of wall lickers.
09:37Tom, 20 attempts.
09:39Tefinga, 19 attempts.
09:41Ben, only seven attempts.
09:43Oh, my God!
09:44Yes.
09:45That's good, right? It's like golf.
09:46Yes.
09:47Yeah, OK.
09:48If you'd like to try this one at home,
09:50why not punch a big hole through a wall in your house
09:52and give it a go?
09:53You have the length of one ad break.
09:56Back soon with more Taskmaster.
09:58Ka kite aku enei.
10:12Ka mai, hoki mai.
10:14Welcome back to Taskmaster.
10:15Paul, I believe we were mid-task
10:17before we were so rudely interrupted.
10:19That's right.
10:20Our contestants were tasked with throwing a marshmallow
10:23over a wall and catching it in their mouth
10:25all while wearing a pair of Zoom goggles.
10:28Up next, her hair is the same colour as 50% of marshmallows.
10:32It's Hayley Sproul.
10:36Oh, for God's sake, Paul.
10:38My arm's just too short.
10:40I want, like, a little pincer.
10:42There might be tongs in the kitchen.
10:43Can you take me? Could you?
10:45Don't you fall, cos it'll be a real mess.
10:49OK.
10:50Have you ever looked after an old woman?
10:53No.
10:54You'll be quite good, Paul.
10:55You've got a gentle way.
10:58Jeepers creepers.
11:00Ah!
11:01Oh!
11:02Ah!
11:03Oh, no!
11:06That was my worst one yet.
11:07Yeah.
11:08I need to create some sort of funnel system, I think.
11:11Yeah, great.
11:12OK, I think this is good.
11:17Oh.
11:21CHEERING
11:22Um...
11:23LAUGHTER
11:27Yay!
11:29There you go.
11:30Great.
11:31Yeah.
11:32I think there was some real Kiwi ingenuity on display there,
11:35I would probably say pushing the boundaries
11:37of what you would say the word catch.
11:40I caught it.
11:41You...
11:42We saw me catch it.
11:44You caught it with a funnel.
11:46It just felt a bit droppy to me.
11:49It was not droppy, it was throwy catchy.
11:52Also, my agent is going to be talking to production about that shot.
11:55You've done me dirty there.
11:57Go crazy, internet. Make the memes.
11:59All that.
12:01I would say Ben and Tom's staying quite quiet in this discussion.
12:05Aren't they?
12:06There was quite a vertical drop from their throws as well.
12:09I think we've got to go to ads, I think.
12:11No, we just came back from an ad.
12:13Whereas my team was quite clearly...
12:15Yeah.
12:16No-one's debating that Dwarflinga did a great job.
12:18No doubt about it.
12:19Let's just come back to this in a second,
12:21cos I can't help but notice that we've left one person to last.
12:24She's a queen and she's generating a lot of buzz.
12:28It's a bee.
12:31I reckon I'm going to do it right away.
12:35OK, I'm going to look at the task again.
12:37OK.
12:38There's going to be another way.
12:40Throw a marshmallow over the wall and catch it in your mouth.
12:45It doesn't necessarily say at the same time.
12:48If I throw a marshmallow over the wall and then catch it in my mouth,
12:52I'm still kind of doing it.
12:54Incoming!
12:57Phew!
12:58Nice. Part one done.
13:00Now catch it in my mouth.
13:02Ah, OK.
13:06Right, there was a bust, Paul.
13:08We're coming back for another one.
13:10Throw it over the wall.
13:12Catch it in my mouth.
13:16OK, there was a bust as well, Paul.
13:18Throw it over the wall.
13:20Catch it in my mouth.
13:23OK, there was a bust too.
13:25Throw it over the wall.
13:27Catch it in my mouth.
13:32Good. Damn it.
13:37Mustn't get stressed, Abby.
13:39No-one's dying.
13:41OK.
13:46Wow, Paul!
13:51I think this is the first time on Taskmaster
13:54that someone's ever found a loophole
13:56that's actually made it harder to complete the task.
13:59It truly did not occur to me to put my hand through the hole.
14:04Paul passed you the task through the hole.
14:07My whole life it's like, don't put your hand in the hole.
14:11So how many times did it take Abby to actually get...
14:14So nine times.
14:16OK.
14:17You see, I feel like the task was really to throw it over
14:21and catch it in the same kind of action.
14:23And so I'm going to disqualify Abby.
14:27But these guys were dropping as well, were they?
14:29They were all dropping.
14:31So unfortunately, you all get no points.
14:34And Tofinga gets five points.
14:37Team Tofinga, yes!
14:40Unbelievable.
14:42OK, Paul, so how's the scoreboard looking?
14:45On six points in the lead, it's Tofinga.
14:49All right.
14:51Let's barrel on to another task, I reckon.
14:54It's time for the old switcheroo.
15:03Hi.
15:04Hello, Ben.
15:05Hi.
15:06Hello, Tom.
15:07Hello, Tofinga.
15:08Hey, mate.
15:09Mmm.
15:12Lamps.
15:14Let there be light.
15:16You like lamps?
15:17I love lamp.
15:20Turn on a lamp in the lab.
15:23You must be seated at the desk in the study
15:26when the lamp turns on.
15:28Fastest one.
15:30You have one hour maximum.
15:32Your time starts now.
15:34Oh, yeah, there we go.
15:35Salt lamp.
15:37Positive ions.
15:38Oh, that's lovely, isn't it?
15:41Grab this one.
15:42I'll just use that.
15:44Auto.
15:46Auto.
15:49Woof.
15:50Woof.
15:51Can I turn on the lamp sexually?
15:54Yeah.
16:00Abby, how do you arouse a lamp?
16:03They're already pretty hard, that's right.
16:08OK, should we see how everyone went?
16:10The starting initials of these comedians are TBA.
16:14OK, I'll announce them now.
16:16They're T, B and A.
16:18It's Tom, Ben and Abby.
16:20I'm going to try to turn on this one.
16:22Just based on...
16:23Vibe.
16:24Boom.
16:25OK, that's my guy.
16:27Right.
16:28I need, like, a pulley system.
16:30I need to make a sound down there while sitting here.
16:32Like if I got some string?
16:34I could pull something and I could make a noise.
16:39Nice.
16:40This looks pretty loud.
16:41So what's the plan?
16:42I'm just going to sit up there and pull the string
16:44and it's going to pull this over and make a loud noise
16:47and that's going to go on.
16:52See if it works.
16:54There goes nothing.
16:56Come on.
17:02Oh, no, it broke.
17:03Oh, no.
17:06OK, I need the rope.
17:08Turns out the yarn's no good.
17:10How are we doing over there?
17:16Yeah, I feel like this should work.
17:19We'll give this one a go.
17:21OK.
17:23What's happening?
17:33Come on!
17:36I'm going to glue it to the table.
17:38OK.
17:39Oh, my God!
17:45I'm just going to go and give it a go.
17:47Ow!
17:48It's giving me rope burn!
18:06Yes!
18:07Ah!
18:08Yes!
18:13Stop the clock.
18:16Well done.
18:18What was quite interesting was watching the difference
18:21between Tom pulling his piece of yarn
18:23like a young schoolboy pulling on a piece of wool
18:26and then you pulling it,
18:27and you look like you're reeling in a marlin.
18:29His yarn was actually digging into a bit of wall quite hard
18:33and has damaged the house.
18:35Oh, yeah.
18:37I don't think people appreciate...
18:39So there's, like, multiple stairwells, right?
18:41So you have to kind of hook it around a whole lot of stuff
18:44to kind of get the pulley system going.
18:46But I don't know, I guess I was just lucky.
18:49It only required a gentle touch, Ben.
18:51It's not my way, Jeremy.
18:53Bull at the gate is how they call me.
18:55He can't help but be an alpha.
18:57Yeah.
18:58So...
18:59Wow!
19:00I hated that.
19:02Abby, you went with the glue.
19:04Yeah.
19:05I'm also thankful that I spent, I would say,
19:07a really significant amount of time
19:09trying to turn on the lamp sexually,
19:11and I'm glad they didn't show it.
19:14LAUGHTER
19:16She did write a letter,
19:18quite a saucy letter to one of the lamps.
19:21Yeah, the lamp left me on read, unfortunately.
19:25Overall, 28 minutes and 57 seconds for Abby.
19:29Ben, 25 minutes and 1 second.
19:32And Tom, a mere 9 minutes and 45 seconds.
19:35Oh!
19:36Wow!
19:38Have we got time for one more?
19:40We sure do, Jeremy.
19:41And if a lightbulb went off above his head
19:43every time he had a good idea,
19:44this guy's power bill would be through the roof.
19:47It's Tofinga.
19:48I must be seated at the desk in the study.
19:52Press the desk down here, mate.
19:54So you want us to bring the desk...
19:56Bring the desk...
19:57..down.
19:58Yep, in the seat.
19:59You'll be seated at the desk that's in the study,
20:02but the desk will be here.
20:03Yeah.
20:06OK.
20:09LAUGHTER
20:14This one's cool, eh?
20:26You'd had cool.
20:28It's OK.
20:38You tell me when.
20:40Ready.
20:44Easy.
20:47Thank you, Paul.
20:50Shall I take the desk back up then?
20:52Yeah, if you can do that, please, mate.
20:54OK.
20:56Oh, my God.
20:59Matt, you've got to say that I think you found quite a good loophole.
21:02Yeah.
21:03Work smarter, not harder.
21:05I mean, where did it say that you had to be in the study?
21:08The wording was, at the desk in the study.
21:10I think I can say that we will accept Tofinga's efforts.
21:15Yes.
21:16And I think he'll be judged on his time.
21:18And I'm sure his time was incredibly fast.
21:21Well, the desk was quite heavy.
21:23So, 28 minutes and 28 seconds.
21:26Well, that's on you.
21:27He can't be blamed for the laziness of his staff.
21:30Honestly, 28, if you knew how hard it was to move that desk...
21:34Well, Team Tofinga, we appreciate that.
21:36We appreciate your service.
21:38We've just seen four comedians approach to turning on a lamp.
21:41So, what on earth has the other one done?
21:44We'll find out after the break.
21:46See you soon.
21:47APPLAUSE
21:53APPLAUSE
21:59Nau mai, hoi te mai.
22:00Welcome back to Taskmaster,
22:02New Zealand's most cutting-edge TV show.
22:04Tonight, we're watching people turn on lamps.
22:07Yes, but this isn't your grandmother's lamp-turning-on-TV show.
22:10All right, Paul, let's see how our last contestant went.
22:13Like I'm greeting a friend whose first name is Lee
22:16and surname is Sproul.
22:18Hey, Lee Sproul.
22:21I'm going to go with this guy, I think.
22:25OK, I need to time something loud.
22:27OK.
22:30You're going to have to be so quiet, Paul.
22:32OK.
22:33Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
22:36OK.
22:39How will I know?
22:42Did it happen, Paul?
22:44You told me not to make noise.
22:47Did it not turn on?
22:49No.
22:50Did the jug boil?
22:51Yeah.
22:55OK, I'm going to try again.
22:57It's not a candle, hey, Lee?
22:59Oh, bastard.
23:01It's not a candle!
23:02LAUGHTER
23:04It's not a candle!
23:05LAUGHTER
23:18Did it work?
23:19Yes.
23:20When I was upstairs?
23:21No.
23:22When?
23:23You were on the stairs.
23:25I think the jug boiled too quickly cos it was hot.
23:29If I call out your name, call back to me.
23:32I can't say that.
23:33My voice might activate the light.
23:35That's the point.
23:36That's not a rule.
23:37That can't happen.
23:42Paul!
23:45Is it on?
23:47I thought you called me.
23:48No!
23:50Just say yes.
23:52Paul, if you can hear me, say, I hear you!
23:55Yes, I can hear you.
23:57OK.
23:58So what is it that you're not understanding?
24:00What do you mean?
24:01Can you hear me call Paul?
24:02Not well.
24:03Right.
24:04But you heard it?
24:06Yeah.
24:08I'll say, Paul!
24:09Hello.
24:10Yeah.
24:11But wait till I'm upstairs and then you're going to go, yes!
24:15Yes!
24:18The jug only just ended.
24:19Are you going to boil the jug?
24:20OK, Paul, I'm abandoning the jug.
24:22You didn't give the jug a chance.
24:24I gave it three chances.
24:25I don't think so.
24:26You came down before...
24:27Hey!
24:28Hey!
24:29Hey!
24:30Hey!
24:35Paul!
24:37Yes!
24:41How loud did you...?
24:42Loud.
24:44Shot example for me.
24:46Yes!
24:47That's Paul...
24:49I think the jug is a good idea.
24:53OK, are you ready?
24:54Yeah.
24:55I require nothing of you anymore, Paul.
24:57OK.
25:01MUSIC PLAYS
25:08Did it all work?
25:09Yeah.
25:10OK.
25:11Do you want a cup of tea?
25:12Um...
25:19That just about killed me.
25:22Just about killed you.
25:23Yeah, how many times did Hayley yell at you?
25:25Uh...
25:2619.
25:28But then, basically, Paul was telling you,
25:30use the jug.
25:31I know.
25:32The jug was working well for you.
25:33It wasn't, but I thought...
25:34I was like, it's taking too long,
25:35and you may see me going like this the whole time.
25:37The room was getting so hot with the jug steam,
25:40and I was running up and down the stairs,
25:42then making that room hot.
25:44It was just hot.
25:45So I was like, let's just use a human.
25:47Should we talk timings?
25:48Yes.
25:49So, Hayley, 19 minutes and 56 seconds.
25:52OK.
25:53So, one point for Abby, two points for Tofinga,
25:56three points for Ben, four points for Hayley,
25:58and the winner with five points, Tom Sainsbury.
26:01I never win anything!
26:05Would you do me the honour of bringing me another task,
26:08please, Paul?
26:09If you hate spoilers,
26:10and you'd like to run to the bathroom
26:12or go and get some popcorn or a Choctop,
26:14this next task is the time to do it.
26:23Hello, Paul.
26:24Hello, Abby.
26:25You're Paul.
26:26Hello, Tofinga.
26:28Ooh.
26:30What have we got here?
26:31Horror, OK.
26:33OK, we've got genres here.
26:35Give it a nice, firm spin.
26:45Courtroom drama.
26:47Fantasy.
26:50Martial arts.
26:52Sci-fi.
26:53I would kind of hope for war.
26:59Do I have to make a 15-minute short film
27:01that's a sword and sand?
27:03Film a trailer for a movie about this trailer.
27:07This trailer?
27:08Yeah.
27:09In the style of your given genre.
27:12Best trailer, trailer wins.
27:15You have 45 minutes.
27:16Your time starts now.
27:18It has to be about the trailer.
27:20Yeah, the trailer has to feature prominently, I think.
27:23Does it have to be a trailer?
27:25You can use this any way you want.
27:27I could turn it into a spaceship.
27:29It's sort of military grey, isn't it?
27:31Yeah, I think this is like a military courtroom drama.
27:34I don't know what kind of fantasy to go about.
27:36Fantasy as in, like, elves.
27:39Or fantasy as in the stuff that I think about.
27:45Abby, your mind has gone straight to war.
27:48Yes, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy military strategy.
27:53What?
27:54It makes sense.
27:55It's like a puzzle, except people die.
27:58Whose trailer are we going to see first?
28:00Up first, with his martial arts trailer trailer,
28:02it's Tofinga.
28:05What are you doing here?
28:07I live here.
28:08In this trailer?
28:10Uh-huh.
28:12Why don't your family love you?
28:14I'm nobody.
28:16Then I'll always be nobody.
28:18Well, I'm going to make you into somebody.
28:21Inhale.
28:23Exhale.
28:29Nobody.
28:30It's all in the balance.
28:36You can do it.
28:41And now your final challenge.
28:43To defeat the trailer.
28:46Yeah.
28:49Amazing.
28:52Whoa.
28:53Speed.
28:56Oh, that hurt.
28:57Whoa.
28:58Whoa.
28:59Nobody.
29:01Are you ready?
29:03I'm ready.
29:04Nobody.
29:05You are now somebody.
29:14Whoa.
29:15Wow.
29:16I love a training montage when the main piece of advice is,
29:18inhale, outhale.
29:20Oh, it's a beautiful mantra.
29:22Sometimes you've just got to remember to breathe, you know?
29:24Why did you choose to kick the trailer so weakly?
29:28Uh, well, monthly didn't seem like enough.
29:34Okay, well, that's enough terrible short films
29:36made by amateurs for now.
29:38It's time to watch some terrible short films
29:40made by professionals, the ads.
29:42We'll see you after these.
29:55Tena koutou katoa.
29:57Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster,
29:59the show where comedians go head-to-head
30:01in the hopes of winning a souvenir from Ben Hurley's glory days.
30:05Paul, what are we doing here?
30:07Our contestants have been tasked with making a trailer
30:10featuring a trailer in their randomly selected genre.
30:13Who's up next, Paul?
30:14It's Ben and his trailer for a courtroom drama.
30:18In a world of war...
30:20Direct your fire, it's a trailer!
30:22It's that Yankee trailer!
30:25There are leaders...
30:27and trailers.
30:28We're under heavy fire!
30:30I'm going in alone!
30:31You stay where you are, soldier.
30:34Sometimes a trailer...
30:36Bang, bang.
30:39...doesn't want to trail.
30:42No!
30:45Hey!
30:48No!
30:49Retreat, retreat!
30:53Trailer, that charge you pulled might have killed all of the enemy,
30:56but you put everybody in a platoon at risk.
30:58You're under arrest!
31:00What?!
31:02Order! Order!
31:04I'm a trailer, not a traitor.
31:07Sometimes the strongest...
31:09Ladies and gentlemen of the jury!
31:10...come from behind.
31:12Oh, sure.
31:14Sometimes his indicators ain't working,
31:16but you will see that the only thing that my client is guilty of
31:19is being the bravest damn trailer this man's army has ever seen!
31:24Surely a trailer is supposed to be behind a car!
31:27In a way, aren't we all trailers?
31:30Bailiff, what is your verdict?
31:32The jury finds the defendant...
31:37...a few good trailers.
31:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:44Jeez, that was good.
31:46Maybe it says something about me, but I really want to see that.
31:49Same!
31:50There's a little bit of that trailer in all of us.
31:52Can you tell us? What was the verdict?
31:54Yeah. Was it guilty or not guilty?
31:56Spoiler, it's fine. Can you tell us?
31:58You'll find out this spring.
32:00I thought the CG on the trailer was pretty amazing.
32:03I mean, you could only see the hand about half the time.
32:06Yeah.
32:07Also, in terms of strategy, I think just rushing the enemy...
32:11Just rushing the enemy never really works very well.
32:14Yeah, right.
32:15What about the charge of the light brigade?
32:17Checkmate.
32:19OK, Paul, give me another trailer trailer, please.
32:22Up next, with her science fiction trailer trailer,
32:25Lights, Camera, Abby.
32:29VIDEO LOG 4573
32:33DAY 56
32:35YEAR 27
32:37MONTH 9
32:41Time to cool off your bits, Houston.
32:43I think I've finally found us a planet.
32:46INITIATING LANDING SEQUENCE
32:49ENGINE REVS
32:51TIRES SCREECH
32:53EXHALES
32:56This is a small step for man,
32:58but a giant leap for me.
33:02Cos I got short legs.
33:04LAUGHTER
33:08Atmosphere seems pretty clear to me.
33:11Vegetation is sparse, but the soil looks dead.
33:19What's this?
33:21There shouldn't be a broom here.
33:25HEAVY BREATHING
33:27I've got to get back on the ship.
33:30Captain's log, Captain's log.
33:32I've just been outside into the planet.
33:35There's someone there.
33:37Get me out of here.
33:39If I don't come back, please pass on a message to my son.
33:44I'm sorry.
33:45I'm not responding.
33:47What do you mean you're not responding?
33:49I've got to get off this planet.
33:55HEAVY BREATHING
33:57LAUGHTER
33:59APPLAUSE
34:04I did not see that creep coming at the end.
34:06No.
34:07Jean-Pierre.
34:08Jean-Pierre from Abbey's Goal Celebration.
34:11Of course.
34:12Episode 1.
34:13Yeah, I also realised I used...
34:16I really relied on my acting to sell that,
34:19and I shouldn't have.
34:22Well, the interesting part was you said it in the future,
34:25in 2027.
34:27Yeah, yeah.
34:28Which, for someone of my age,
34:29is only about three provisional tax payments away.
34:32Oh, you know, our boy Elon Musk, he'll get us up there.
34:36OK, who's next, Paul?
34:38It's time for a sword and sandals epic.
34:40Here's Tom Sainsbury.
34:42In a world of swords and Birkenstock sandals,
34:46there was Lactatious and his chariot trailer.
34:50Quick, Lactatious.
34:51The Williams and Knights are taking the citadel.
34:55Well, I'm not going anywhere without my chariot trailer.
35:03Jesus, Zeus.
35:05You made me a gladiator.
35:07Lactatious, you must fight the wild beasts
35:10for the entertainment of the people!
35:17Yes!
35:20Yes!
35:27As a reward for killing that rhino right and proper,
35:30we're sending you across the Mediterranean.
35:36Here I am, on the shores of Breastedonious.
35:40Will I ever be reunited with my chariot trailer ever again?
35:45Anguish!
35:48Will Lactatious ever be reunited with his chariot trailer
35:52coming to cinemas 2025?
35:59Really good.
36:00OK, Tom, so any reason why you decided that Paul
36:03would suit the name Lactatious?
36:05I don't know where that came from.
36:07I think, you know, there were lots of nude mannequins
36:09floating about and I think it was just playing on...
36:11I think the female form was just playing on my mind.
36:14Some boys just look like they like milk.
36:18You do like milk?
36:19I like milk a lot, yeah.
36:21There we go.
36:22Right, there should be one last trailer, is there?
36:25That's right, and it's a fantasy trailer
36:27from The Twisted Mind of Hayley Sproul.
36:30Once upon a time in Faydale,
36:33where a myriad of creatures once roamed free,
36:36a wary fairy and a travelling beast
36:39form one of the deepest relationships of all time.
36:44Hello, fairy.
36:45Hello, travelling beast.
36:47What sell you in that trailer of yours?
36:49If you want to see the wares of my trailer,
36:52you have to come inside it.
36:54I have little in the way of money.
36:56Perhaps you could pay me, travelling beast, in other ways.
37:00I have literally no money.
37:02Hmm.
37:03Perhaps you could instead...
37:05F*** me.
37:06F*** me.
37:07Shove it in.
37:08F***.
37:09F***.
37:10F***.
37:11F***.
37:12Up the...
37:13And then I'll...
37:14F*** you.
37:15F***.
37:16And I have one of those.
37:18Whoa.
37:19What say you, beast?
37:21OK.
37:23Grab on.
37:24The Lust of the Fairies,
37:27a tale of love, betrayal...
37:29Why?
37:30..and an unexpected pregnancy.
37:36Ah!
37:37Will I ever see you again?
37:39I don't know.
37:40If my father finds out I literally f***ed the living s***
37:44out of a travelling beast, he'll never forgive me.
37:47You are no daughter of mine.
37:50Run, beast. You must go.
37:52Now!
37:53Go, beast!
37:54Leave!
37:56A wary fairy and a travelling beast
37:59face a father's wrath for love.
38:03Pregnant.
38:05SHE COUGHS
38:12Wow.
38:13I wasn't actually aware they were going to bleep that.
38:15I'm sort of disappointed.
38:17That's a great story I've got to say.
38:19I got a bit hot under the...
38:20Got me going.
38:21Well, that's what it's supposed to do, you know.
38:22It's really leaning into that sort of smut era.
38:24It makes me feel physically sick.
38:26Yeah, right.
38:27The look on your face when the fairy explained
38:29what she was going to do to you,
38:30you'd never heard those words before.
38:32No.
38:33And I haven't heard them since.
38:34Mm.
38:35Yet you still went,
38:36OK.
38:39All right, this is going to be quite hard to score
38:41cos I really enjoyed all of those.
38:43But I'm going to give Abby a point.
38:45I'm going to give Tom two points
38:47cos I think as a published director and actor
38:50I was expecting a lot.
38:51Oh, dear.
38:52Fair call, fair call.
38:53I think Tofinga should get three points.
38:56Four points for Hayley
38:58and I thought five points for Ben Hurley.
39:00Oh, yeah, really good.
39:01I thought that was very good.
39:03Yay!
39:04OK, we're about to cut to some ads,
39:06but if you make it through them,
39:08I've got a real treat for you.
39:10A special live task.
39:12Ooh.
39:13We'll be back right after this.
39:26Nau mai, hoki mai.
39:27Welcome back to Taskmaster,
39:28where our five brave comedians
39:30are about to take to the stage for a live task.
39:33But first, let's see who's in with a chance
39:36of winning this episode.
39:37Paul, what are the scores?
39:39It's very close.
39:40In joint second on 11, it's Ben and Tofinga,
39:43and in first equal on 12, it's Hayley and Tom.
39:46OK.
39:47Oh, hey there.
39:48Nice and close.
39:49Here we go.
39:50About time.
39:51And Abby's on four.
39:55Humbling, yeah.
39:56Right, let's get on with our live tasks,
39:58and contestants, please head up to the stage.
40:06OK, Paul, what sick, twisted game
40:08have you thought up for us tonight?
40:10Hayley, could you please do us the honours of explaining it?
40:13It would be my honour.
40:15In your teams,
40:16take turns to each roll an office chair
40:18towards the edge of the stage.
40:20You must roll your chair from behind the line.
40:23The closest team chair to the edge of the stage
40:26wins one point.
40:28Any chairs that go over the edge
40:30will lose their team one point.
40:33Best score over three rounds wins.
40:39Wow!
40:41I'm happy with that.
40:42Reflecting.
40:52Oh, amazing!
40:58Oh, it's a nice shot, though.
41:00Slightly curly!
41:05Beautiful, that's perfect!
41:08Oh, my God!
41:1240.5.
41:1332.
41:14Yes!
41:17Yeah, nice.
41:18Nice.
41:19Stop, stop, stop.
41:20Go, go, go, go, go!
41:23Oh, that's so good, that is so good.
41:28Good, that's good.
41:30Oh, no, too much.
41:31No, you're right.
41:32Oh, that's OK, that's OK.
41:34OK.
41:37You got us a couple of centimetres there.
41:39Yeah, yeah.
41:40Oh!
41:42No!
41:43No!
41:45Yes!
41:46No!
41:4830.
41:49One point for Team Red.
41:51We need to get all of these off
41:53and we need to win one.
41:57Oh, smart.
42:00Oh, that's a beautiful roll.
42:04Oh, you did it.
42:05It's already done.
42:06Oh!
42:07Oh!
42:12Oh!
42:15Minus one for Black.
42:16I'm going to play it too safe.
42:20Place is there.
42:21Can you sell me the pail?
42:23I think if she crosses the line and touches the ground,
42:26it's void.
42:27Old fun sponge over here, eh?
42:31OK.
42:33Hang on!
42:36Minus one.
42:39Minus two.
42:40One to go.
42:48Minus four.
42:50Plus one for Black.
42:54We're going into sudden death.
42:56One roller from each team
42:58closest to the edge of the stage wins.
43:01Three, two, one.
43:05Too much.
43:06Oh, shit.
43:12That's one of the best things I've ever seen in my life.
43:14Yeah!
43:15Come on down and we'll score it.
43:22I really enjoyed that, Paul.
43:24Yes.
43:25Team Black won.
43:26How do you want to score it?
43:28How about team of two get two points,
43:31team of three get three points.
43:33OK.
43:36So how's everything looking for the overall series results so far?
43:40It's unbelievably close.
43:41There's only five points in it,
43:43but with a one-point lead in first, it's Hayley Sproul!
43:49But what about tonight's winner?
43:52With 15 points, the winner of episode three is Tom Sainsbury!
43:58Hey!
43:59Congratulations, Tom.
44:01You're now the proud owner of some things that I have never owned myself.
44:05Head up to the stage and enjoy your haul.
44:10All right, as we wrap up another successful episode,
44:13it's time to look back and reflect on what we've learned.
44:16We've learned that sometimes a wall has a hole in it for a reason.
44:20We've learned it's a lot easier to turn on a lamp
44:23when you're in the same room as it.
44:25We've learned that there is life on other planets
44:28and it looks a lot like Paul Williams.
44:31But most importantly of all,
44:33we've learned that Tom Sainsbury is the winner of episode three.
44:37Ka kite anō!
44:50APPLAUSE
44:55Choo-hoo!
44:57Tell me more.
44:58It's season five and we're running out of ideas.
45:02That's hard.
45:03Oh, no!
45:05My man!
45:06This all makes me think maybe I need to get tested.
45:08You know what? I don't want any points.
45:10That task was dumb.
45:11It's probably my favourite task of all time.