Taskmaster NZ S05 E05
Taskmaster NZ S05 E06 >>> https://dai.ly/x94d7dg
Taskmaster NZ S05 E06 >>> https://dai.ly/x94d7dg
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00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woo-hoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here.
00:07Come here.
00:08Jiggle-biddle-chee!
00:09Oh!
00:10Yeah!
00:11He-he-he-he!
00:12Nomai piki mai.
00:37Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39My name's Daryl Garmas, and I'm a professional Jeremy Wells lookalike.
00:43And if you're watching this, Jeremy, cheers for the box of beers and the 20 bucks.
00:49But as far as the rest of you are concerned, for tonight, you can call me the Taskmaster.
00:59On stage tonight are five unlucky New Zealanders who have all made the same tragic misstep
01:04of pursuing a career in comedy.
01:07They are Abbey Howells, Ben Hurley, Haley Sproul, and Tom Sainsbury.
01:17Now, our brilliant fifth competitor, Te Whangafipoli A'i, as you may know, is unable to be with
01:24us in the studio this season.
01:26So filling in for him for the next two eps, it's Season 3 champion Josh Thompson.
01:34And as always, next to me is the cheese to my mince, the tomato sauce to my Cheerio,
01:41it's Paul Williams!
01:49I'm in a bit of a pickle, Jeremy.
01:51What if my bike is like the bus from the movie Speed?
01:54And what if when I drop below 50 miles per hour, my bike blows up and I die?
01:59You've already dropped well below 50 miles per hour, Paul.
02:03Oh, oh, oh, uh-huh, oh.
02:07Great.
02:08Okay, cool.
02:09Good job, thank God.
02:10You can never be too safe.
02:11Tell us about the prize task.
02:13Tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the best thing that one person on the panel
02:18will really want.
02:20Tom?
02:21Yes?
02:22What have you bought tonight?
02:23Now, this person here, I think they could double as an Elvis impersonator.
02:30But then I thought, you know, this is a little bit of a gamble, so I thought I'd throw in
02:38an extra pair of shades just because I know he'll love these.
02:42Oh, wow.
02:44Can you do an Elvis voice at all?
02:47Uh-huh.
02:48See, see, see, I knew, I knew, I knew.
02:50I can do Elvis as well.
02:52Oh, is it?
02:53Hello, I'm Elvis, baby.
02:56Absolutely brilliant.
02:57What Elvis do you think Ben would be?
03:00Do you think he'd be sort of 1965 Elvis?
03:03I think he could straddle all of Elvis' career.
03:07Well, well said, Tom.
03:08You know what Jeremy was going for there?
03:10He was going for bloated Elvis, wasn't he?
03:13Abby?
03:14Yes?
03:15What did you bring in?
03:16I also brought in something for Ben.
03:17I got you a signed vinyl from the Beastie Boys.
03:21What?
03:22That's from all the Beastie Boys.
03:24All of them, all of them signed it, even the one that died.
03:32I remember there was another prize Abby had and it was a journal she'd made for you, Jeremy.
03:36Thank God that, just that handwriting.
03:38See, yeah, yeah.
03:39Doesn't it?
03:40No, I think whoever wrote that tried to change the way they do the E's.
03:43Right.
03:44Apart from on Love, where it came out again.
03:48Okay, Ben, what did you bring in?
03:50There's this cliche that everyone with autism loves trains and there's someone on this panel
03:55who has autism and I know that she loves trains.
03:58She loves trains.
04:00So I got her a train ticket to Palmerston North because she loves trains so much she
04:11doesn't care what the destination is.
04:13They just always come on time.
04:17So this ticket here is from Wellington.
04:20Oh yeah.
04:21So Abby has to get herself to Wellington.
04:23Well, look, I looked into Auckland to Palmerston North and it was really expensive.
04:29Okay, Hayley, what about you?
04:32I know that my dear friend Ben Hurley would be devastated to know that if you look online
04:42for some erotic fan fiction about him.
04:44Oh, good Lord.
04:45There is very little.
04:46Okay, good.
04:47So as a platonic friend, I struggled through actually writing him one.
05:00It's called Standing Ovation.
05:03The tagline reads, first she came for the laughs, then she came for him.
05:07Now here I was, standing outside a dressing room with the name Ben Hurley written on it
05:13and all I can hear is the sound of my own heartbeat throbbing in my ears and, I'll be
05:17honest, throbbing somewhere else as well.
05:20The doorway has plenty of room but I make sure to brush past him on my way in where
05:24I can't help but notice his wicket is standing strong.
05:29I giggle, Ben, I'm about to knock your bales off, boy.
05:32So it's really, yeah, it's a lot.
05:35Why am I holding a microphone and there's one in the stand?
05:40AI has come so far, but it still has so far to go.
05:45He's also got six fingers, right?
05:47Or five fingers and one thumb.
05:48Oh my God, aye.
05:49She'll be happy with those six fingers, I'll tell you what.
05:53Absolutely.
05:54Okay, Josh.
05:55I haven't brought in any pornography, but I did bring in something very beautiful.
06:02A golden replica of your face, sir.
06:07It's actually the winning trophy from Taskmaster New Zealand Season 3 and you might want to
06:12know how I got that.
06:13I got that by winning.
06:14Right.
06:15I do know that someone on this panel really wants to win tonight and the entire thing.
06:21They've been going about like, ahaha, it's just a bit of a laugh, I don't really care
06:25who wins.
06:26But I wouldn't be surprised if sometime during this week, Hayley Sproul murdered someone
06:30on this panel.
06:32Alright.
06:33Tom, I think you've got one point for your glasses.
06:37Right.
06:38I think two points for Abbey and the Beastie Boys album.
06:41Okay, can I level with you, Jeremy?
06:44That actually wasn't signed by the Beastie Boys.
06:47What?
06:48Well, now that you've said that, actually, I'm going to take a point off you.
06:50You're going to get one point.
06:52Two points now for Tom.
06:55The train ticket for Abbey should be three points.
06:56Sure, I'll take that.
06:57I think four points for the erotic fiction and five points for Te Finga by Josh Thompson.
07:03Ball to head.
07:04Well done.
07:05Well done, my boy.
07:06Thanks, Tom.
07:07Let's dive into another task, shall we?
07:09Great idea, Jeremy.
07:10But brace yourselves.
07:11This task is moving.
07:20Hello.
07:21Hello, Abbey.
07:22Hello, Tom.
07:23Hello.
07:24Hello, Te Finga.
07:25Hey, Paul.
07:26How are you?
07:27Oh, good.
07:28Oh, mate.
07:29We've really got to work on that.
07:30Yeah.
07:31Wow.
07:32Oh.
07:33Hello.
07:34Hi.
07:36Hi.
07:39Move Paul.
07:40Most moved Paul wins.
07:42You have 20 minutes.
07:44Your time starts now.
07:46Emotionally moved or physically moved?
07:48All the information you need is in the task.
07:50Yeah.
07:53OK, who's Paul moving are we going to see first?
07:56I would move mountains for these men.
07:58But can they move me?
07:59It's Ben and Te Finga.
08:01Oh, I know.
08:02You could be a chess piece and then I'd have to move you a lot.
08:06You're a piece that you move a lot.
08:07Like a knight.
08:08Yes.
08:09You can dance for 10 seconds.
08:10Go.
08:11Oh, now?
08:12Yeah.
08:13It's not a dance.
08:14A bit more upper body.
08:15I'm going to make a chess board now.
08:16I need lots of rope.
08:17Oh, there's some rope.
08:18Oh, that's helpful.
08:19That's helpful.
08:20Go down to the bathroom back on the bike.
08:21That's it.
08:22Awesome.
08:23Can you ride the bike?
08:24Oh, yeah.
08:25Oh, yeah.
08:26Oh, yeah.
08:27Oh, yeah.
08:28Oh, yeah.
08:29Oh, yeah.
08:30Oh, yeah.
08:31Oh, yeah.
08:32Oh, yeah.
08:33Oh, yeah.
08:34Oh, yeah.
08:35Can you ride the bike again, but this time singing the National Anthem?
08:38E I O A A T U A
08:43That's crazy, man.
08:45OK.
08:46I've spent three quarters of the time making a rudimentary chess board.
08:50Queen.
08:51Bishop.
08:52Do we need sit-ups?
08:53Sit-ups?
08:54Yep.
08:55No days off, bro.
08:56That's the one.
08:57One.
08:58Two.
08:59That's the one.
09:00OK.
09:01Let's play.
09:02You've got two minutes.
09:04Yep.
09:05I'm going to move my knight.
09:06One, two, three, and cross one.
09:0715 push-ups.
09:08I don't know what that is.
09:09Lower your stomach.
09:10Yeah, that's the one.
09:11Now, put your hands where they were just then.
09:12On your side.
09:13OK.
09:14Now, move back and forth.
09:15That's it.
09:1610 of those.
09:17One.
09:18You've got 20 seconds.
09:19One, two, and three.
09:20Oh, they could take you, but for some reason they can't.
09:21OK.
09:22One, two, three, and cross one.
09:23OK.
09:24Now, put your hands where they were just then.
09:25On your side.
09:26OK.
09:27Now, move back and forth.
09:28That's it.
09:2910 of those.
09:30One.
09:31You've got 20 seconds.
09:32Oh, they could take you, but for some reason they're not.
09:34Nine.
09:35Ten.
09:36One, two, three.
09:37I think that's check.
09:38I think you've got to move the other one.
09:39Josh, I don't think I've ever seen someone move so little while telling someone else to
09:58move so much.
10:00You know, Tuffing is playing the task, and the task is to make a Paul move, not himself
10:04move.
10:05And by sitting still, he's putting more of a contrast in, so if anything, he's doing
10:09it better.
10:10I love the dance.
10:11Could you do a rendition of that dance for us now?
10:12Yeah.
10:13Righty.
10:14Yeah.
10:15Oh, look at that.
10:16That's pretty good.
10:17Look at that.
10:18See, there's movement there.
10:19Look at the hip in that.
10:20Really snapped those hips.
10:21Yeah.
10:22There's a little bit of sex in the old dog yet, isn't there?
10:23Look at that.
10:24Who would have thought?
10:26Ben, you did a lot of running around.
10:27I mean, you hardly moved Paul at all.
10:28Oh, I did.
10:29I spent 17 of the 20 minutes making a chess board.
10:30You probably could have spent that time just moving Paul.
10:31Yeah.
10:32In retrospect, you have a point.
10:33So, in terms of chess moves, he moved me eight times.
10:34Oh, that's pathetic.
10:35Now, to all of you at home, please leave the moving to us.
10:36You stay right where you are.
10:37We'll see you next time.
10:38Bye.
10:39Bye.
10:40Bye.
10:41Bye.
10:42Bye.
10:43Bye.
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11:48Bye.
11:49Bye.
11:50Bye.
11:51Bye.
11:52Bye.
11:53Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Theatre de Tomas.
11:57One day at the castle, Tom Lit was walking past the bathroom and he heard Muppet struggling.
12:02He peered in through the keyhole.
12:04Into the bathroom?
12:05Yeah.
12:06Hardly appropriate.
12:08One day, a shaft of light came down for the first time.
12:13Maybe today is the day.
12:15I'm going to go out and I'm going to dance in the sun.
12:20Only to see the queen, his stepmother, standing over the king.
12:24I shall be queen.
12:26She is queen.
12:27She is, but queen alone.
12:29Okay.
12:30Me and my kin will be the new royals.
12:33They are still the royals.
12:34She is, but she's got kids from a previous marriage.
12:37If I have to explain it to you, you're not going to be moved.
12:39Okay, sorry.
12:41Whoa, is this is what earth is like?
12:43Bang!
12:44Oh no, I've been shot.
12:50Compliance is a problem.
12:53I should never have trusted the world.
12:55So Tom Lit packs his things together.
12:58He gets into his carriage.
13:00Oh no, the carriage runs into the orphanage.
13:04Just children in the orphanage.
13:08Just children everywhere.
13:10Bye bye.
13:12I guess you're probably wondering who I am.
13:14I'm the little girl.
13:16And I just wanted to tell you I dance in the sun every single day.
13:21In heaven.
13:28Okay.
13:29What was the dancing at the end?
13:31I was just moving you to joy.
13:36So Tom, was that dance there at the end, was that planned?
13:39Or was that just sort of shared desperation?
13:42It was a little bit of desperation.
13:43But I just thought, you know, moved could be positive.
13:45And you know, I know that my dance moves really lift people's spirits.
13:48And so I thought, why not give that a go as well?
13:51How do you think it went?
13:53I think I failed.
13:56Abby, yours was deeply moving.
13:59It seemed mainly for you.
14:02No, I saw a distinct facial expression on Paul's face.
14:06Yeah, that one.
14:10There seems to be a theme as well.
14:12I don't know, Abby, a lot of people seem to be dying.
14:15And childbirth particularly.
14:16I feel like this is the third time that's happened.
14:19There's more coming up the pipeline.
14:23You've never been through childbirth, have you?
14:26I've never been through childbirth, no.
14:28Oh, right.
14:29Not that I have.
14:30Right.
14:31I was born.
14:32Yeah, you were.
14:33That's, yeah.
14:34You're a victim of childbirth rather than...
14:36Yeah, yeah.
14:37I was like, oh, I get to be by myself and it's warm and lovely.
14:41No one hassles me.
14:42And then I come out and it's like, nothing but hassle.
14:44Oh, your play doesn't make sense.
14:45Oh, you talk about death all the time.
14:50OK, I want to see one more futile attempt to move you, please, Paul.
14:54Up last, we've got a woman who's got a licence to drive.
14:58It's Hayley.
14:59You have 20 minutes.
15:00Your time starts now.
15:03Do you want to come to my house?
15:05What do you mean?
15:06Do you want to come to my house?
15:07What, are you going to drive me to your house?
15:08Let's go.
15:09Come on.
15:11Get in my car.
15:12Move, Paul.
15:13I'll move you.
15:14I might have to stop at a dairy.
15:16If you could get anything, what would you want?
15:18Maybe an ice cream.
15:19Have we got time wires?
15:21You've got six minutes and 55 seconds.
15:24Hi, babe.
15:25Hi, Andrew.
15:26Hi.
15:27Hi, darling.
15:29This is my house, Paul.
15:31It's beautiful.
15:33Do you have a favourite room?
15:35It's a double shower.
15:37We're both in here.
15:39Look how much room.
15:40Yeah.
15:41Wow.
15:42We could, like, walk around.
15:46Great.
15:48Do you want to go back for the crew?
15:50Because I feel like now that I'm here, I might as well just stay.
15:52We can walk.
15:53OK.
15:54See you, team.
15:57At first, I thought, wow, that's such a beautiful big shower.
16:00But you need a shower that size when you're operating a thruple.
16:03Yeah.
16:04Aaron and Andrew, we're very happy together.
16:06Yeah.
16:07So how far did Hayley drive you?
16:10So it was 6.8km, but I also did four laps of her giant shower.
16:15Oh, yeah.
16:16So we're going to score this.
16:18I think trying to move Paul emotionally, that was a tough challenge.
16:23Probably, Tom, you get one point there.
16:26Abby, two for you.
16:27Jeremy, what happened to us?
16:30It's just one of those things.
16:32You've just got to do better.
16:36Three points for Ben, who moved more than Paul, which seems silly,
16:42but still three points.
16:43Four points for Tofinga.
16:46And five points for Hayley.
16:49How's the episode score looking, Paul?
16:51In first equal, both on nine points, it's Hayley and Tofinga.
16:56Right.
16:58Things are starting to get interesting, Paul.
17:01Let's rip right into another task.
17:03Sure thing.
17:04Let's give this one a spin.
17:06Live life to the fullest with this, Fresby.
17:09You have one hour.
17:11Your time starts now.
17:12What?
17:14Start living life to the fullest, please.
17:21Just what?
17:22Was that it?
17:23That was quite fast.
17:24It was quick.
17:25First thing I said to you was I congratulated you.
17:28I called it!
17:30That was quick!
17:31It was quick!
17:32It was fast.
17:33Was that it?
17:35APPLAUSE
17:41So what's happening there?
17:43I just thought Ben needed to live life to the fullest.
17:46LAUGHTER
17:48I was so confused. I was like, I don't remember this task at all.
17:51This almost f***ing killed me.
17:54LAUGHTER
17:55It was at the end of the day. It was like half past five at night.
17:59We didn't do this.
18:00Oh, no shits, pal!
18:03I think there's too much joy to consume right now,
18:06so we've actually peppered it throughout the rest of the episode.
18:09Oh, my God. I am so dirty.
18:12I can't wait to see you live life to the fullest, Ben.
18:15It's going to be great.
18:16Let's crack on. Launching the next task in three, two, one, fire.
18:27Hello. Hello, Abi.
18:29Bonjour. Bonjour, Hayley.
18:31How are you? Good, thank you.
18:33It's going to be a tricky one, mate.
18:35What makes you think that?
18:38The egg?
18:39Protect the egg.
18:40The egg will be launched from Paul's catapult in exactly 18 minutes.
18:45Least damaged egg wins.
18:48Your time starts...
18:50..now.
18:52Is this the egg? Yeah.
18:54That's my little baby? Correct.
18:57Definitely fresh.
19:00Can you show me your catapult?
19:02Yes.
19:03Oh, my God!
19:13OK, this task seems pretty straightforward.
19:15Let's see you catapult some eggs.
19:17Paul, who's first?
19:18It's Ben and Tom.
19:20Can we do a little test to see, like, with something else?
19:23Just stay back, cos it's quite full-on.
19:25This is dangerous-looking.
19:29Oh, I see how this works.
19:31You're very good at this.
19:33Test launch in three, two, one, launch!
19:38About there. OK.
19:40Strap stuff around it and then catch it.
19:44What are the ladders for? I need, like, a tarp or a sheet.
19:47OK, I'm going to pack it in wigs.
19:51One wig.
19:53Brian May wig.
19:59Oh, shoot.
20:01Here we go. OK, I've had a wee think.
20:03Here's the egg.
20:05Got a lot of leftover wigs.
20:07Good luck, egg.
20:08Preparing to launch.
20:10I'm in position.
20:11You're not going to hold the pull?
20:13No, I'm going to raw dog it.
20:15Three, two, one.
20:21Oh, it didn't even move!
20:25Well, it was a terrible catch.
20:27Oh!
20:29The moment of truth.
20:31Come on, baby, come on, baby, where are you?
20:34Ba-ba-ba-ba!
20:36Ba-ba-ba-ba!
20:38Zero damage to the egg.
20:40The egg is uncracked.
20:46APPLAUSE
20:48APPLAUSE
20:54It was a good catch. Thanks.
20:56Why did you need to wear a wig underneath your helmet?
20:59You look psychotic.
21:01I just had a few leftover wigs,
21:03and just giving it a little bit of extra spice.
21:06Bit of that.
21:07Tom, you seem very impressed that Paul here could operate a catapult.
21:11I mean, it's not a skill that you need in everyday life, is it?
21:14I grew up in a really rough-slash-medieval neighbourhood.
21:18Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise that.
21:20So there we go, that's where the skill comes from.
21:22So many sieges.
21:24Yeah.
21:26There is more egg catapulting to come after this egg break,
21:29but first, a quick little check-in on Ben Hurley
21:32living his life to the fullest with a frisbee.
21:37I'm not very good at frisbee.
21:39Keep living life to the fullest, please.
21:41OK. For an hour?
21:43Oh, I'm so enjoying this.
21:54Are you living life to the fullest? Yeah.
21:59I dropped it.
22:00I'll get it. Thanks.
22:05Tena koutou katoa.
22:07Welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:09Paul, please, give us a recap of where we were.
22:11Our contestants are trying to protect an egg
22:13that's being launched from a giant catapult.
22:16All right, who's next with the eggs then, Paul?
22:18You think an egg's going to scare these guys?
22:20These guys eat eggs for breakfast.
22:23It's Hayley and Tefinga.
22:25The rope or string there, then?
22:27I can go get rope if you want. OK.
22:29I'm going to put the egg in here. OK.
22:32If you touch it, I will murder you.
22:35OK.
22:37I'm going to grab a few things.
22:40Thank you, Paul.
22:45Don't respond well to threats.
22:47You could have done that?
22:49Not at all.
22:51Not at all.
22:53Good luck.
22:55You ready to go? Ready to go, brother.
23:00That wasn't good.
23:01Have you fired anything else from your catapult?
23:04Just eggs.
23:05Have you tried kids?
23:09Let's go.
23:10What about small dogs in that egg?
23:12This baby ain't getting smashed.
23:14OK, are you ready? Yep.
23:16Three, go egg, two, one.
23:25Cool.
23:27Go!
23:31You would have lost the war by now.
23:33Whoa!
23:35What a stink catapult, man.
23:37It only looked like ten metres.
23:39Hayley's egg is unbroken.
23:41The egg is intact.
23:43The egg is intact.
23:45Enjoy your egg.
23:46Thank you, Hayley.
23:47Are you going to poach, fry or scramble?
23:49I go raw.
23:50Like a real man.
23:59Oh, Paul.
24:01I've talked to you about eating raw eggs before.
24:04This is not the first time you've done that.
24:06I love eggs.
24:09Tell you what, Tofinga had an interesting idea, didn't he, Josh,
24:12where he was saying, you know,
24:13why wouldn't you use this catapult to catapult babies, small children?
24:16Some kids, small dogs, yeah.
24:17Yeah, small dogs.
24:18I mean, again, I don't...
24:19Like, a poor craftsman blames his tools.
24:21I don't want to have a go at Paul.
24:22But it might be unfair to penalise Tofinga
24:24for Paul's lack of back strength.
24:27Can I say a good craftsman congratulates his tools.
24:32Shout out to the catapult.
24:35Yeah, actually, I think you're a marvellous tool.
24:40Hayley, how do you feel knowing that Paul touched your egg?
24:43You said that you were going to murder him.
24:45Yeah, that's the plan.
24:47Obviously, I'll wait for the rest of the episodes.
24:50But after that, yeah, you're dead meat.
24:52Alright, so that's four comedians down
24:55and four completely unscathed eggs.
24:58We could be on the track for the first ever five points
25:02to everybody here on the panel.
25:06Lastly, it's Abby Howells.
25:09OK, I found some jeans
25:12and then I have some nice soft fabric.
25:14Soft, soft, soft.
25:18Do you want scissors?
25:19Yeah.
25:32Oh, thank you.
25:36Mm, we're ready.
25:38Come on, jeans.
25:40Three, two, one.
25:45Wow.
25:47Sounded soft.
25:48Let's go with the geese.
25:53It was a decoy!
25:57Five seasons of Taskmaster.
25:59Never been so humiliated.
26:02I think you'll find it's in pristine condition.
26:05What did the task say?
26:09Don't do this, please.
26:12Paul, no!
26:14This brings me no joy.
26:16Paul, you don't have to do this.
26:20Watch it, please.
26:29Our trust...
26:30Yeah?
26:31...is like the shell of this egg.
26:34Over here and over here.
26:36And broken.
26:37Broken.
26:38Completely shattered.
26:39Broken.
26:42Abby!
26:44Oh, Abby.
26:45Abby, although I thought it was a bit psychotic of you
26:48to make her watch as you obliterated the egg,
26:52I was upset.
26:54When I was standing there, I was like,
26:56I'm on top of the world right now.
26:58I can't wait to see him, look at it.
27:00And Jeremy's going to be like,
27:01yes, you bamboozled Paul.
27:02Good one, Abby.
27:03Everyone stands up.
27:04Oh, she's bloody done it.
27:05Let me change chairs with you, Abby.
27:07You should be the Taskmaster.
27:09And then we had to go and spoil it all
27:11and say something stupid like,
27:13let me catapult your egg.
27:15If you'd just put the egg in the thing that you'd made
27:18and then cooked it, you would have got...
27:21But where's the showbiz?
27:23Where's the prestige?
27:26So, how do you want to score this?
27:28Well, it seems...
27:29Jeremy.
27:30I know.
27:31Look, I'm sorry, but I can only give you one.
27:32I can't give you any more than that.
27:33I mean, you're lucky to get one, to be honest.
27:35I am lucky to get one.
27:36I should probably give you zero.
27:37Judas got 30 pieces of silver.
27:43How many for everyone else?
27:45Well, I think everyone else gets four,
27:47other than Ben Hurley, who caught his.
27:50Yes!
27:51I thought that was a great show of skill,
27:53so I'll give him five for that.
27:54OK.
27:56I'll take that.
27:57All right, Paul.
27:58Load another task up for us.
28:00New task, new me.
28:18Hello, Ben.
28:19Festive.
28:20Happy New Year, Paul.
28:21Happy New Year.
28:22Happy New Year.
28:24Happy birthday.
28:25Happy New Year.
28:26Money.
28:27Hi, mate.
28:28How was your year?
28:29Really hard.
28:30Oh, another one.
28:31What can we do?
28:33I need some money.
28:34I really can't help you there.
28:36Um, all right.
28:37Here we go.
28:38Ring in the New Year in style.
28:40Your New Year celebration must have a dance.
28:43A kiss, a drink, and a resolution.
28:47You have 45 seconds to ring in the New Year.
28:50Your five-minute countdown to the New Year starts now.
28:54Oh, God, I hate New Year's.
28:56It's like my nightmare, just being stuck in this.
29:02Ben, you don't like New Year's.
29:04I hate New Year's Eve.
29:05Why?
29:06It's like, oh, tonight we're staying up to midnight.
29:11You know what I hate?
29:13And everyone looks you in the eye.
29:15Oh, Auld Lang Syne.
29:17Auld Lang Syne, and they're all like, look at me,
29:19and I'm like, I'd rather perish.
29:21What's this?
29:22You don't know about Auld Lang Syne?
29:23What's Auld Lang Syne?
29:24I don't know what this was.
29:25It's Scottish.
29:26Yeah, I thought that was gangland style.
29:29No, this is actually Hayley in a thrupple.
29:31Hey!
29:38Come on, then, come on.
29:39OK, sorry.
29:41Well, like you, Ben, I love a New Year party.
29:44Show me some New Year ringing-inning, please, Paul.
29:47You know them from Taskmaster New Zealand Season 5.
29:50Here's Abby, Ben, Hayley, Torfinga, and Tom.
29:53A drink, OK.
29:54What's this?
29:56We've got a drink here.
29:57It's a party popper.
29:58It's a party popper.
29:59I mean, you could drink that, but it would be small bits of paper.
30:02It's just water, so it's, I guess, not the most festive.
30:05I'll make it festive.
30:07All right.
30:10A mysterious green liquid.
30:11A mysterious green liquid.
30:13I sort of want you to be, like, a stripper on your table.
30:19Is there some phrase about kissing one of these guys?
30:21Kiss a croc, avoid the dock, is what my mum used to say.
30:25Yeah, still got it.
30:26Why do you know the dance from Cats?
30:28I used to do it every day in my bedroom when I was a little kid,
30:31and I thought one day the bullies will see me doing this
30:34and they'll think I'm cool.
30:35There is a thimble.
30:36That's what a kiss is in Peter Pan.
30:38Ten seconds.
30:39Nine.
30:40Eight.
30:41Seven.
30:42Six.
30:43Five.
30:44Four.
30:45Three.
30:46Two.
30:47One.
30:48Happy New Year!
30:50Happy New Year!
30:52I'm going to do that flossing the kids do,
30:54because I'm really good at that.
30:55Woo-hoo!
30:57I don't know what that is.
30:58Here's your kiss.
30:59Happy New Year, Cassandra.
31:01A kiss?
31:02A kiss to everyone.
31:04Oh, my God, the stripper's here!
31:06Ah!
31:07Take it off!
31:08Take it off!
31:14You've got 20 seconds.
31:16Happy New Year's resolution.
31:19Kiss, drink, resolution.
31:21I'm done.
31:25Oh, my God, you're amazing!
31:27Where are you going, party boy?
31:29Just to get my whistle.
31:34Was that after the whistle?
31:35No.
31:38Uh-oh.
31:39What's this?
31:40Is that another one?
31:41Yeah.
31:42Oh, gosh.
31:47Perfect.
31:48Happy New Year!
31:49Complete your New Year's resolution.
31:51Most complete resolution wins.
31:53You have 15 minutes.
31:55Your time starts now.
31:56What?
31:58I forgot about that.
32:01Tom, you made a beeline straight for that mysterious green liquid.
32:04I know, and I haven't been since.
32:08Abby, did you ever get a chance to prove those bullies wrong
32:11by showing off your skills in musical theatre?
32:13I think I just did, Jeremy.
32:16Yeah, where are those bullies now?
32:18They're doctors and lawyers.
32:20This show does rate very well with bullies.
32:23Yeah.
32:24It's literally based on bullying.
32:26Yeah.
32:27Well, Hayley's was basically based on sexual harassment.
32:32Is it traditional to have a stripper at New Year?
32:36What, you've never hired a stripper for a New Year's party?
32:40It's like a...
32:41It's such a square bed.
32:44My New Year's resolution, watch more ads.
32:47More Taskmaster after some ads
32:49and four seconds of Ben Hurley having fun with a frisbee.
33:05Are you living life to the fullest?
33:06Yeah.
33:07Well, you sound disappointed.
33:09I don't know why you thought that.
33:14Welcome back to Taskmaster,
33:16where we're about to learn which New Zealand comedians
33:19can come up with proper New Year's resolutions
33:22and which comedians just do joke ones
33:25because they refuse to look inwards
33:27for fear of what they might find there.
33:30Is that about right, Paul?
33:31That's right.
33:32Our contestants were tasked with making a New Year's resolution
33:35and then completing it within 15 minutes.
33:37First up, Abby New Year.
33:39This year's Ben Good.
33:41Ben Good. It's Abby and Ben.
33:44So my resolutions were be kind to myself,
33:46party hard, party fresh
33:48and no scrubs.
33:51What does no scrubs mean?
33:52It means no bad boys.
33:54What was your resolution?
33:55Never to do New Year's again.
33:57So have you got any New Year's plans this year?
33:59No.
34:00Good answer.
34:01Nice try.
34:02OK, this is me being kind to myself.
34:04I like your haircut.
34:05You tried something new with the fringe, it didn't work
34:07and you grew it out and that's fine.
34:09We're going to do anti-New Year.
34:12So you're going to suck that back?
34:13Yeah, I've sucked it back.
34:14All right, Paul, it's time to party hard.
34:21And the opposite of dancing.
34:22Standing against the wall, like that song.
34:25I'm just going to lean against Jeremy here.
34:28Now it's time to party fresh in the fresh air.
34:31Do you want to go to a music festival?
34:33No thanks.
34:34Anti-New Year.
34:37Woo! Yeah!
34:41Welcome to the 1st of January, just like any other day.
34:47You're going to walk backwards.
34:48I don't have to do everything, I'll just let go.
34:50Thank you, Ben.
34:51Thanks, Paul.
34:52Happy New Year.
34:53Oh, no!
34:57Hey, baby.
34:58Hey, are you respectful?
35:00No.
35:01Then get out of here, scrub.
35:07Woo!
35:09Abby.
35:10I think it was nice that you forgave yourself
35:12for that brief foray that you had, obviously, into fringes.
35:15It's always a mistake, OK?
35:17It's always a mistake, don't do it.
35:19Yeah, but, you know, it's good to party hard and party fresh as well.
35:22Yeah, well, you actually had quite a few resolutions.
35:24I did.
35:25Everyone was like, whoa, how's she going to do this?
35:27Don't worry, baby's got it covered.
35:29Yeah.
35:30Whereas, Ben, how are you going to do nothing, really?
35:33I'm just not going to do New Year.
35:35I don't like organised fun.
35:38What do you call this?
35:40Um, my job.
35:44That's fair.
35:45All right, let's see some more New Year's resolution resolving.
35:48These guys are dynamite.
35:50It's TNT.
35:51Tom Interfinger.
35:53And what's your resolution?
35:54Continue to spread the love.
35:56My New Year's resolution is to end my relationship with Cassandra the Croc.
36:00How else can I share love with you, Paul?
36:03Do you want me to read you a story?
36:05Cassandra, I think you know what I'm going to say.
36:07I know you've probably been feeling it too.
36:10I can't see whatever this is going much further.
36:15It's not you, it's me, and I wish all the best for you, Cassandra.
36:21That was much harder than I thought it was going to be, Paul.
36:24Once upon a time, there was this man.
36:28He had a dog and it was a German shepherd.
36:33He took it for a walk down to the park.
36:37The man said, hey, no dogs allowed.
36:41Why don't you read the sign?
36:45The man said, I can read it, but my dog can't.
36:51After that, they had hot dogs.
36:54The dog was old and would just die.
36:57And then they just cut it up.
36:59It's quite a sad ending.
37:00He was sharing the love.
37:01He shared it with the man that said, no dogs allowed.
37:03Oh.
37:05Because it costs a living, it's expensive.
37:07You have a pet, best friend, and then it becomes a meal.
37:11Share a meal with your new friend.
37:17Tom, that was quite an intense breakup with Cassandra,
37:19considering you'd only been together for five minutes.
37:21I know, and it wasn't a clean break either.
37:24So, Josh, Tofinga's idea of spreading the love
37:28was to write a song about taking a German shepherd down to a park.
37:33You then cut the German shepherd up into bits
37:36and then eat it with the person who was complaining
37:38about you having the dog down at the park in the first place.
37:40Yeah, yeah.
37:41It's kind of the ultimate burn.
37:43I can't bring my dog?
37:44Well, what if I eat it then?
37:48Yeah.
37:49Beautiful.
37:50Now, Paul, we must have one New Year's resolution to go.
37:53She loves marching, but does she love Decembering and Januarying?
37:58It's Hayley.
38:00Make Paul rich.
38:02Oh.
38:03We can do it in 15 minutes to make you rich.
38:05Why don't we blackmail someone?
38:06Who?
38:07Ursula Carlson, she's got a bit of money.
38:09I've got quite damning photos of her.
38:10What are they?
38:11Photos of her kissing women.
38:12How have you got so many photos of her?
38:14Don't ask.
38:15Ursula Carlson, I have pictures of your feet
38:18and I have pictures of you kissing women that nobody knows about.
38:22How much did you want?
38:24$20.
38:25I will release these to the media unless you transfer to me $20.
38:29You've got...
38:3010 minutes and 16 seconds.
38:3210 minutes and 16 seconds.
38:34Oh, OK, she's replied.
38:36Well, well, well.
38:38Looks like someone needs some vagina pictures too.
38:41You've only got the feet.
38:43I've got so much more incoming.
38:45Seems like she kind of wants to be blackmailed.
38:47Yeah, I know.
38:49OK.
38:50She sent me a photo that looks quite rude,
38:53but I can tell that it's actually just her mouth on the side.
38:57Otherwise I'm going to be in quite a lot of trouble.
38:59Yeah, she's not really grasping the blackmail kind of...
39:02You have six minutes, Ursula.
39:04Transfer me $20 or I'll burn your house down.
39:11OK, she's seen a voice.
39:13OK, OK, fine, I'm doing it.
39:16Yes, OK.
39:17And now...
39:18We wait.
39:19This is nerve-wracking.
39:21You've got one minute.
39:22I've got to dot, dot, dot.
39:2325 seconds.
39:27Hayley Spratt.
39:28$20.
39:29She's paid the money.
39:31You were rich.
39:32Got ya!
39:33I said.
39:34WHISTLE BLOWS
39:35APPLAUSE
39:39Why do you have these photos of Ursula kissing me?
39:42I would rather not say.
39:45We're very close.
39:47And so I have sort of throughout the years
39:50quite a number of pictures of Ursula.
39:52How many throuples are you running?
39:55I've got so many on the go.
39:57It's just everywhere.
39:59OK.
40:00I'm thinking Ben Hilli gets one point
40:02because we're not going to know whether or not
40:04your New Year's resolutions come true until this New Year.
40:07That's true.
40:08So one point for you.
40:09I think two points for Toffinga.
40:11Eating the dog was just a bit intense
40:13for a 7.30 TV2 audience.
40:15Yet not doing New Year's is worse than murdering a dog.
40:18LAUGHTER
40:20Three points for you and Cassandra
40:22cos I know that you're going to go back for sloppy seconds
40:24at some stage.
40:26I think four points for Hayley
40:29because that was successful.
40:30And I think five for Abby
40:32because you completed four New Year's resolutions,
40:34which is impressive.
40:35Thank you, Jeremy.
40:36We're back, baby!
40:39After the break, we'll do a live task
40:41and find out the winner for this episode.
40:43Don't miss it,
40:44or someone will spoil it for you at work tomorrow.
40:46We'll be back in just a moment.
40:48APPLAUSE
40:50Keep living life to the fullest, please.
40:52Yeah, OK.
40:53Is that fun?
40:54Yeah, that's kind of.
40:55OK.
40:56Get into a real rhythm.
40:57LAUGHTER
40:58APPLAUSE
41:04Ah!
41:06Yes!
41:07Come on!
41:08Come on!
41:09Welcome back to Taskmaster.
41:11Just about to find out who gets to go home
41:13with a porn and train-based prize pack.
41:16But first, may I have a score update, please, Paul?
41:20I have to ask first,
41:21is Ben getting any points for living life to the fullest
41:24with a Frisbee for an hour?
41:25I don't know whether Ben deserves a point for that.
41:28Oh, my God.
41:29Not a single point.
41:31You were having a good time on the bike.
41:33The task was to live life to the fullest.
41:35We're helping you.
41:36We're helping you.
41:37I've never seen him angrier.
41:39LAUGHTER
41:40Can I say, when you're real angry, Ben,
41:42something happens to your skin that just really glows?
41:45LAUGHTER
41:46Hey, I don't know what moisturiser you're using,
41:48but you look great.
41:49It's called seething.
41:50LAUGHTER
41:52Mate, look, OK, I'll give you a point.
41:55LAUGHTER
41:56In some ways, it's worse.
41:58LAUGHTER
41:59I'll take a point.
42:00OK.
42:01APPLAUSE
42:03So, the scores for episode five.
42:06Out in front with 17 points, Hayley Sproul.
42:09APPLAUSE
42:12OK, everyone, you all know what to do.
42:15Head on up to the stage for the final task.
42:18APPLAUSE
42:20MUSIC
42:22Will someone tell me what's going on up there, please?
42:25Abby, will you please read the task?
42:27It would be my honour.
42:29Pinch, protect or plunder.
42:32If you choose to pinch,
42:34you may pinch one point from the person you choose.
42:37If you choose to plunder,
42:39you may plunder all the points of the person you choose.
42:43If you choose to protect, you cannot be plundered,
42:46but you cannot protect from a pinch.
42:49Most points wins.
42:51Let's get it, cowboy.
42:53Round one.
42:55Abby.
42:56I will plunder Tom Sainsbury.
42:59LAUGHTER
43:01Tom, are you protected?
43:03I'm not. I'm going to Josh Plunder.
43:05Woo-hoo!
43:07Tom has been plundered.
43:09Give us his balls.
43:10Three balls to Abby.
43:13Josh, are you protected?
43:15I am pinching Abby.
43:17Three balls to Tom.
43:21Josh, you are pinching from Abby.
43:23One ball.
43:25Gripping stuff.
43:27LAUGHTER
43:29Ben Hurley.
43:30Yes, well, I'm going to plunder Tom too.
43:32LAUGHTER
43:34Hayley.
43:35Protect.
43:38USA.
43:40Round two, we're going to start with Ben Hurley.
43:43I am going to protect.
43:45OK. Hayley Sproul.
43:47I would like to plunder Josh.
43:50Josh, reveal your board.
43:52I am pinching from Abby.
43:54You have been plundered.
43:56God damn it.
43:58LAUGHTER
44:01Tom, reveal your board.
44:03I'm going to plunder Hayley.
44:05It's a good haul.
44:07Abby.
44:08Plunder Ben.
44:10Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!
44:12That is the end of round two.
44:14APPLAUSE
44:17The final round with Hayley.
44:20I am a feminist.
44:22However, I'm plundering Abby.
44:24Plunder Josh.
44:26You're not protected, you have been plundered by Hayley.
44:29Josh, reveal yours.
44:31I'm going to pinch Abby.
44:33LAUGHTER
44:35As you were not protected, yours has been plundered by Abby.
44:39He's just going to pinch at me!
44:41You've got that right, Ian!
44:43It's been pinched back.
44:45LAUGHTER
44:47Ben Hurley.
44:48I'm going to pinch Josh.
44:50It's this ball getting a lot of mileage this round.
44:53LAUGHTER
44:54Tom, reveal your board.
44:55I was going to pinch from Abby too,
44:57but alas, there's nothing there, right?
45:01Nothing.
45:02ALL GROAN
45:04All right, everyone, come on down and we'll score.
45:07APPLAUSE
45:12So Abby and Josh got zero balls,
45:14Hayley and Tom had four,
45:16and Ben won the live task with seven balls.
45:18Really great score. Thank you.
45:20So how would you like to score that?
45:23I think it probably makes sense that in last place, one point.
45:26For Abby and Josh?
45:27Yes, and then three points for second place.
45:31Hayley and Tom equal four.
45:33And then first place, Ben Hurley, five points.
45:37APPLAUSE
45:39All right, so before we announce the winner, Paul,
45:42what's happening with the overall series scores?
45:45With a three-point lead, with 83 points, Hayley Sproul.
45:49CHEERING
45:52And, Paul, who has won episode five?
45:55She's our series leader and she's won her first episode.
45:59It's Hayley Sproul.
46:01Congratulations, Hayley.
46:03You're now the proud owner of some things you may or may not want.
46:07Please head up to the stage and enjoy your bounty.
46:11Ka kite anō.
46:13Ka manahau, Aotearoa.
46:15CHEERING
46:21APPLAUSE
46:31This is going to be quite obscure television.
46:33Delicious!
46:35Come on!
46:37Oh, man.
46:38How's the boy, Kevin?
46:40Aye!
46:41Lord have mercy.
46:43That's one point four.
46:44There's so much to unpack there.