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00:00The Lucy Show
00:11Starring Lucille Ball
00:17Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30Good morning, Mr. Mooney
00:50Well, what a pleasant surprise, Mrs. Carmichael
00:54And how did we manage to get to work on time for once?
00:58Well, I think my clock's broken
01:00Bye, Yachty
01:02Hello, Lucy
01:03Well, get to work on these right away, please
01:05Well, can't I have my coffee first?
01:07No, you can't have your coffee first
01:09You just got here
01:11Now, please, get to work, get to work
01:12Yes, sir, yes, sir
01:13Mrs. Carmichael, turn that radio off
01:24What is that thing doing here?
01:27Well, you see, Mr. Mooney
01:29When I was in high school
01:30I always played the radio while I did my homework
01:33And now it's hard for me to concentrate
01:37With so much quiet going on
01:38I didn't know they had radios when you went to high school
01:43Well, you keep that thing off and you get to work
01:47At once, do you hear me?
01:49Good heavens
01:50Mr. Mooney
01:50Oh, good morning, Mr. Cheever
01:52How are you, sir?
01:54Not very well
01:55Oh, what's wrong, sir?
01:56Well, at the meeting last night
01:57It was brought to my attention
01:58That our branch is lagging
02:00And they're getting them new accounts
02:02It is?
02:03Yes, and it was suggested
02:04That perhaps this branch was a bit overstaffed
02:07One vice president
02:08Too many, to be exact
02:10Oh?
02:10And as a vice president
02:12I hope that you
02:13Can read between the lines, Mr. Mooney
02:15Oh, Mr. Cheever, sir
02:17Are you inferring that unless I get some new accounts
02:20Well, congratulations
02:21At least you can read
02:23Oh, my
02:27I've never seen him so upset
02:30How does he expect me to get new accounts?
02:32Drag people in off the streets?
02:34I don't know why he blames me for everything that goes on around here
02:37Well, I wouldn't worry about it
02:39Well, you better worry about it
02:42You just remember
02:45If I go, you go
02:48Now, I'll be in my office
02:50And I don't want to be disturbed
02:52No, sir
02:52And that, folks, was the latest hit
03:01From the nation's number one country singer
03:03Homer Higgins
03:04And here's a little news for you Homer Higgins fans
03:08Homer is about to become a California citizen
03:10He arrives in town this morning
03:12And will check into the penthouse suite
03:15Of the luxurious Palm Garden Hotel
03:17Now, that's eating pretty high in the hog for a country boy
03:21And he should be eating high in the hog
03:23Because the music industry
03:24Has estimated that Homer's income this year
03:28Will exceed five million dollars
03:31Wow
03:31And now, folks, we're
03:33Right
03:33Dottie, I'm going out
03:38I'll be back as soon as I can
03:39But what about this work?
03:40If Mr. Mooney comes back and you're not here
03:42Won't he be angry?
03:43No, not when he hears about the big new account
03:45I got lined up for him
03:47Right this way
03:55Well, if this don't beat off
04:00I hope you will find this sweet satisfactory
04:04Ain't this pretty Effie?
04:33Well, it looks like an awful big place to keep clean
04:39Why didn't we take that little room we was just in?
04:43That was the elevator
04:45This penthouse apartment gives you a magnificent view overlooking Los Angeles
04:51Have mercy on us all
04:54On a clear day, you can see Catalina
04:58Well, from what I hear, that's a mighty rare sight
05:01Catalina?
05:03No, a clear day in Los Angeles
05:05Anything else, sir?
05:15Oh, I, uh, no, no, thank you
05:17But just a minute
05:17Uh, just a minute, sir
05:19Here's a tip for you
05:24Oh, thank you, sir
05:28And all right
05:29I hope you enjoy your stay
05:32Hold on there just a minute
05:33You've been awful nice to us
05:35And, Effie, give this nice man some of your duck gizzards
05:39Oh, uh, sure a thing
05:40Give him a whole wad
05:42Here you are
05:43Yeah
05:43They're awful good
05:45Fried and hog lord
05:46Oh, and by the way, uh, at the end of the week, take out what we owe you
05:52Yes, sir
05:53All right, fine
05:54Oh, by the way, if there's any left, why, uh, treat your carnation to a sack of fertilize
06:00Oh, yeah
06:01Oh, how do you do, man?
06:14Hello, Mr. Higgins
06:14I, um, I heard on the radio that you were moving here today
06:18And I thought I'd stop by and welcome you
06:20Well, ain't that nice, Effie?
06:23Oh, it sure is
06:23Come in and make yourself to home
06:25Yes, come on in
06:26I want you to meet my kinfolks
06:29Get up, cut this crown
06:30Uh, this is, this is my wife, Effie
06:33Hello, howdy
06:34And that's her brother, Effie
06:37Effie?
06:40Uh, yes, ma'am
06:41He was born ahead of her
06:42And his folks call him Effie
06:43Cause, uh, if he was a girl
06:44They was gonna name him Effie
06:45Oh, well, how do you do?
06:50Uh, glad to meet you, Effie
06:51My name is Lucy
06:52Lucy Carmichael
06:54Howdy, Miss Lucy
06:56Gee, you got hair the color of orange juice
07:01Orange juice?
07:03Yeah, and I bet a girl as pretty as you must get squeezed alive
07:08Only when the bus is crowded
07:11You sure are pretty
07:14Uh, down, Effie
07:17Down, Effie
07:18Down, down
07:19Well, since Effie's pet skunk died last year
07:23He's gotten girl-minded
07:25Would you like to come in and rest your feet a spell?
07:29Thank you
07:29Go right ahead
07:31Oh, Effie, come on
07:32Help me with the unpacking
07:33Yeah, I'll be better
07:33Come on, come on
07:35Get along, get along
07:36Get, get
07:36Bye, Miss Lucy
07:38Bye
07:38Oh, come on
07:39Pick up your feet, boy
07:41Pick up your feet
07:42Oh, that boy
07:44That boy is about as useful as a milk bucket under a bull
07:49Would you like some Effie Sassipras tea?
07:56Well, thank you
07:57But, uh, before I accept your hospitality, Mr. Higgins
08:00I, I think I should explain that my visit is not entirely social
08:05It is not
08:06No, not exactly
08:07You see
08:08Well, the truth is
08:10Well, uh, what I'm trying to say is
08:14If, uh, well
08:16Why don't you stop spitting on the handle and get to hoeing?
08:22How's that?
08:24Say what you come to say, ma'am
08:26Oh
08:27Oh, well, you see
08:28Uh, I really came here to talk business
08:31I worked for a bank, Mr. Higgins
08:33And, well, I, I came to see if we could handle your account
08:37Well, frankly, ma'am
08:38I don't cotton much to banks
08:40Oh
08:41Well, Mr. Higgins, uh, banks are, uh, very necessary
08:45Especially to a man with your income
08:47You know, a bank offers advice on financial investments
08:51And, well, I just think a person should put his money into something
08:54Oh, I do, ma'am
08:55I, I do
08:56Uh, in boxes
08:57You mean
09:00You mean all these boxes are full of money?
09:04Yes, ma'am
09:05Oh
09:07Yeah, I, you know
09:09You know, I keep them in boxes
09:10Oh, for heaven's sake
09:11You mean you, you carry your money around with you all the time?
09:15Well, not all of it, ma'am
09:16I had to leave a whole mess of it at home
09:17We run out of boxes
09:18Well, Mr. Higgins
09:23My, you, you certainly make a lot of money with your singing and your records
09:28Uh, and you know, I also write all my own songs
09:31You do?
09:32Yes, ma'am
09:32You want to see me make up a folk song about you right now, just like that?
09:36Well, I sure would
09:38All righty, bye
09:39I didn't know you composed your own song
09:43Yeah, yeah
09:43Mm-hmm
09:44Fell in love with a pink-haired gal
09:50Fell in love with a pink-haired gal
09:53Fell in love with a pink-haired gal
09:58She fell in love with me
10:02Well, is that it?
10:13Yep
10:13Well, that's very clever
10:15Well, that last line didn't come too easy
10:18Oh
10:18That was very good, that last line
10:21Well, you were the inspiration
10:22Oh, really?
10:24That's right, and if that's ever a hit, I owe you a favor
10:26Oh, well, uh, the biggest favor you could do for me, Mr. Higgins
10:31Is let me introduce you to my boss, Mr. Mooney
10:34He's the banker I work for
10:35No offense to you, ma'am, but I feel like a worm in hot ashes around them big-city bankers
10:41Well, Mr. Mooney's not a big-city-type banker
10:45He comes from real down-to-earth country folk
10:48He does?
10:49Yeah, yeah, he grew up on a farm, and all his kin were farmers, and all his kin's kin
10:55Sounds like my kind of folk
10:57Oh, I just know that Mr. Mooney is the type of banker that you'd cotton to
11:01Well, I'll tell you what you do
11:03You bring this Mr. Mooney over here so that we can at least have a howdy and a handshake
11:08Oh, wonderful, thank you, Mr. Higgins
11:10All right
11:10Oh, I'll bring him over right away
11:12All right
11:12And I just know that you and Mr. Mooney are going to hit it off like two pigs in a pole
11:17Oh, all right
11:18Bye
11:18Bye-bye
11:19Oh, how you doing, Miss Lucy?
11:32Hello, Mr. Higgins
11:32Uh, I'd like you to meet my boss, Mr. Mooney
11:35I mean, you sure don't look like no banker
11:43I don't feel like one either
11:45Oh, I crack it
11:47Oh, come on in and meet my kin, folks
11:50Yeah
11:50Come right on
11:51Come right on
11:53Uh, this is my wife, Effie
11:55Howdy
11:56Howdy
11:57Hello, Miss Lucy
11:59Hello, hello
12:01And that's her brother, Effie
12:02Effie?
12:04Yes, you see, they named him Effie because if he was a girl, they were going to name him Effie
12:10That's right
12:12Hey, y'all are just, y'all are just in time to tie on the feed bag
12:16Oh
12:16Come on in, come on
12:18Come right on
12:18Thank you
12:19Come on
12:19He carries it around with him all the time
12:29You're hungry
12:33Oh, um, uh, yeah
12:34Oh, yeah
12:35Mmm, something smells mighty inviting, Mrs. Higgins
12:39Oh, just call me Effie
12:41And I'm Homer
12:43And I'm Theodore J
12:45Uh, the J stands for, uh, Joshua
12:49Uh, his friends and kid call him Josh
12:51Well, that's a mighty fitting name
12:54You know you look like a Josh
12:55Yeah, look
12:59Effie, how's the vittles coming?
13:01Oh, done to a turn
13:02Oh, fine
13:03Sit down, Miss Lucy
13:04And you too, Josh
13:05Sit right down
13:05Say, you folks sure got this place looking mighty comfortable
13:08Well
13:09You know, uh, speaking of comfort
13:11Do you mind if I take my shoes off?
13:14Not at all
13:15Oh, thank you
13:17I never could get used to these darn things
13:19Well
13:20And if you have anything to loosen, ma'am
13:22Just let her pop
13:23Thank you
13:27Here you are, Mr. Mooney
13:29Oh, uh, thank you
13:30And here you are, Miss Lucy
13:32Oh, thank you
13:33Now this here is Effie's favorite recipe
13:35Thank you
13:36Yeah, uh, what is it?
13:38Well, uh, Effie calls it rib-stickin' stew
13:41It's just chock full of boiled deer liver
13:45Turnip greens
13:47Hog jowl
13:48Spacked back and salve belly
13:49Come on, folks
13:52Eat up
13:52Poke her down now
13:56Oh, you know man sure is lucky
14:04To have a woman that's got a gift for cookin'
14:07Your wife cook anything tastes like this?
14:10Everything my wife cooks
14:12Well, then I take it your Mrs. Mooney
14:21Is a girl with country rearing
14:23Acres of it
14:27Is that a fact?
14:30I see
14:31You know something?
14:32Back in Cedar Creek County
14:34Mrs. Mooney was a champion hog caller
14:36She were?
14:39Yeah, that's how she got Mr. Mooney
14:40Oh
14:41Well, you know, Effie
14:45I reckon we won't be getting homesick here in California
14:48Knowing people like Jarsh and his missus
14:50Yeah, I hope we'll be seeing a lot of each other, Jarsh
14:52Well, no reason why I shouldn't
14:54If you come to my office to do your banking chores
14:58Oh, sounds mighty fine to me
15:00Now, wait a minute, Bucket Mouth
15:01Don't you go get anything
15:02Now, I take the old Josh here
15:06But the big city banks is something else again
15:09Oh, but, but, but, Mr. Higgins
15:11Our bank isn't at all like a big city bank
15:13It's as, it's as homey as gravy on a tablecloth
15:17And all the people that work there are just like old Josh here
15:20Neighborly, country-reared folk
15:22Sounds like a dinger of a bank
15:24Well, maybe we could go down there a little while this afternoon
15:28And look the place over
15:29Oh, uh, instead of this afternoon
15:31Uh, why don't you come down, uh, tonight, uh, after the bank is closed
15:38After you're closed?
15:39Uh, yeah
15:40Tonight, tonight we have our, our weekly hoedown
15:43Hoedown?
15:46Once a week, us folks like to have a little get-together
15:49And I just know old Josh would love to have you join us
15:53Why, me and Effie take the hoedowns like a hog takes the slob
15:56Oh, wonderful, wonderful
15:58And it's the Westland Bank and it's right down the street
16:01Come on, Mr. Mooney
16:02We have to get back to the bank for your appointment
16:04Oh, uh
16:04Well, me and Effie will sure look forward to this
16:07Yeah, well
16:08More than that, we'll, but most of all
16:10We'll be looking forward to meeting Mrs. Mooney
16:12Yeah, well, uh, Mrs. Mooney
16:14Uh, Mrs. Mooney will be looking forward to meeting you two
16:16You'll be sure and show up now
16:18Oh, don't you worry, ma'am
16:19We'll be there fit as a tiddly and ready to wait
16:21All right, bye, love
16:22Mooney, in all my years of banking
16:38I have never been involved in anything so bizarre and outrageous
16:42Well, the Higgins account is worth a little trouble, sir
16:45Oh, you'll thank me if we get it
16:47Now, what if we don't get the Higgins account?
16:50Well, it was all Mrs. Carmichael's idea
16:52Well, where is Mrs. Mooney?
16:55Here I am
16:56Mrs. Carmichael, I know my wife isn't Miss America
17:09But do you have to be so hokey?
17:11You don't want them to recognize me, do you?
17:14Oh, well, no
17:15Well, Homer and Effie will be here at any minute
17:18So let's get this pea-picking, tater-planting, corn-husking show on the road
17:24Okay, John, come on, let's get the party going
17:26Head couples do-si-do
17:32Hurry up, farmer, don't be slow
17:34Side couples, same old thing
17:36Do-si-do across the ring
17:38Partners all with a right elbow
17:40Back by the left, here we go
17:42Go right into a right-left cram
17:44Try not to brush when you hold her hand
17:46Neat old Sal, take old Sue
17:48Promenade the gal with a run-down shoe
17:50Get back home, swing and whirl
17:52Round and round with a pretty little girl
17:54Jump to the center, left-hand star
17:56Turn your girl not too far
17:58Jump back out, you're doing swell
18:00In to the center with a great big yell
18:02Folks, I'd like you to meet my wife, Irma
18:14Howdy, howdy, howdy
18:16Hi, y'all
18:17Oh, that was mighty good square dance calling, ma'am
18:20Oh, sorry
18:21Yes, it was
18:22Irma, Irma, don't be so shy
18:26I heard you was a champion hog caller, ma'am
18:29Oh, well, my hog calling days are over
18:32The last time I called
18:33I called so loud my Adam's apple turned to cider
18:36Ain't that a knee slapper
18:40Well, now, since the Higgins clan is all here
18:44Let's get this shindy going, eh
18:46Let's give him a real musical welcome
18:49Okay, come on, Mr. Cheever
18:51Now, we'll give him a doozy
18:53Here we go, we'll give him a doozy
19:30There's going to be singing, there's going to be dancing, there's going to be angel picking and the fiddler will be there.
19:42You'll like our cornbread and sweet molasses and pretty gals with ribbons in their hair.
19:50Gather round me, folks, I've got some things I'd like to say about the shindig that's a-comin' and it's only a week away.
19:57And everybody's going to have a good time if my prediction is right at the ladies' auxiliary barn dance Saturday night.
20:04There's going to be singing, there's going to be dancing, there's going to be angel picking and the fiddler will be there.
20:12You'll like our cornbread and sweet molasses and pretty gals with ribbons in their hair.
20:20The gals will dress in calico with their fancy lace and buttons and bows so all you fellas get dressed up in your Sunday-go-to-meeting clothes.
20:27Mr. Cricket, keep all the chirping, Mr. Moon, keep shining bright at the ladies' auxiliary barn dance Saturday night.
20:34There's going to be singing, there's going to be dancing, there's going to be banjo picking and the fiddler will be there.
20:42You'll like our cornbread and sweet molasses and pretty gals with ribbons in their hair.
20:49There's going to be dancing, there's going to be dancing, there's going to be banjo picking and the fiddler will be there.
20:57You'll like our cornbread and sweet molasses and pretty gals with ribbons in their hair.
21:04The gals will dress in calico with their fancy lace and buttons and bows so all you fellas get dressed up in calico-to-meeting clothes.
21:06Let's do it!