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00:00The Lucy Show
00:11Starring Lucille Ball
00:16Co-starring Gail Gordon
00:30Are you ready to order?
00:52Oh, not yet. I'm waiting for some friends.
00:54Okay.
00:56Oh, Daddy.
00:57Hi, Lucy.
00:58Where's Mary Jane?
00:59Oh, she couldn't make it. Things are very hectic at the studio.
01:03Oh, you know, we've been very busy at the bank.
01:05What'll it be, girl?
01:07Oh, what do you have, Daddy?
01:08Oh, gee, I don't know. I'm on a diet.
01:11Me, too.
01:13Lucy, you don't have to lose weight.
01:15I'm not dieting to lose weight. I'm dieting to save money.
01:19I thought you were going to ask Mr. Mooney for a $5 raise.
01:23I did ask him, but I didn't get it.
01:25You know that he turned me down for a measly $5 raise,
01:29but it's all right for him to squander $75 on film for his camera.
01:34Gee, this is fascinating.
01:36Would somebody like to hold something?
01:40Well, I have a cup of tea.
01:45And that's it.
01:47And I'll have a bowl of hot water.
01:53A bowl of hot water?
01:55Did you come here to eat or take a bath?
02:00And, Dottie, you'd like some extra lemon with your tea, wouldn't you?
02:05Oh, some extra lemon with my tea.
02:07One tea, extra lemon, a bowl of hot water.
02:15Anything else? Diamond Jane Brady?
02:20No, that'll be all.
02:23Boy, I don't like her attitude.
02:26If she keeps that up, I'm not coming in here to eat anymore.
02:28What do you got there?
02:34Pictures of entries in the contest.
02:36What contest?
02:36The Robert Goulet look-alike contest.
02:39Robert Goulet look-alike contest?
02:41Yeah, the studio's having a contest to promote his new picture,
02:44The Long Ride of Marshall Burke.
02:45And they're giving $5,000 to the man who looks most like Robert Goulet.
02:51Oh, boy.
02:52$5,000.
02:54Here we are.
02:56Tea.
02:57Extra lemon.
03:00A bowl of hot water.
03:04Eat party.
03:07Oh, she's too much, isn't she?
03:09Oh, she's too much, isn't she?
03:25I'm sorry, Dottie.
03:27I'm sorry.
03:28Forgive me.
03:29I forget to cover it.
03:32There we are.
03:38Congratulations.
03:39You're winning the war on poverty.
03:43Well, we all have to do our bit.
03:45Listen, Dottie, those look-alike contests, are they ever on the level?
03:55Of course.
03:56What makes you think they're not?
03:57Well, I once entered an Elizabeth Taylor look-alike contest, and I never even heard from them.
04:03You expected to win an Elizabeth Taylor look-alike contest, and I'm too tall.
04:13Oh, of course not.
04:14Hi, Mr. Mooney.
04:31Hey, I'm back.
04:32Mrs. Carmichael, you take longer to eat lunch than Henry VIII.
04:38I had to do a little shopping, and I...
04:40Please, please, no excuses.
04:42Will you get to work?
04:43We have a lot to do.
04:44Yes, sir.
04:45Please.
04:45Please.
04:45Oh.
04:58Ma'am, I wonder if you could help me.
05:01Oh, I certainly hope so.
05:04I'd, uh...
05:05I'd like to apply for a loan.
05:06My name is Chuck Willis, and, uh...
05:08Oh.
05:09Well, I thought you were...
05:11Your name is Chuck Willis?
05:14Something wrong with that name?
05:15Oh, no, sir.
05:16No, sir, I love it.
05:17I love it.
05:18Uh, you want to apply for a loan?
05:19Uh, right over here.
05:21See this gentleman right here.
05:22Mr. Mooney.
05:23Mr. Mooney, uh, this gentleman would like to apply for a loan.
05:26This is Mr. Willis.
05:27Mr. Willis?
05:27Why...
05:28I have a small, uh, trucking business.
05:30It's very small, just got one truck, which needs some work.
05:34Uh, it'd take about 200 bucks to fix it up, and I'd like to borrow the money.
05:38Well, do you have any collateral, Mr. Willis?
05:41Well, only my truck.
05:42Uh-huh.
05:43Here's the registration slip.
05:44Uh-huh.
05:45That...
05:47Mr. Willis, this truck is 21 years old.
05:52Well, that's why it needs fixing.
05:56I'm very sorry, Mr. Willis.
05:58I'm sorry.
06:00Mr. Willis.
06:11Mr. Willis, do you really need money?
06:13Oh, no.
06:14No, no.
06:15I'm really an eccentric millionaire.
06:16Of course I need money.
06:18Well...
06:18Better get that truck fixed.
06:20Yeah, I know.
06:20Well, I know how you can get a brand new truck just by having your picture taken.
06:26My picture taken?
06:27Yeah.
06:28And you'll get $5,000.
06:30Which you will split with me, because I will arrange everything.
06:35You know, you're a little nuts.
06:37Well, now, that may be.
06:40But you know something?
06:41You look just like Robert Goulet.
06:45Who?
06:47Robert Goulet.
06:48I never heard of him.
06:52Well, anyway, you look like him.
06:53A man of studio is giving $5,000 to the man who looks the most like him.
06:57Now, what have you got to lose?
06:59My mind.
07:00Now, listen to me.
07:02You'll just be at this address tonight.
07:04I'll take your picture, and your troubles will be over.
07:06You just look at the birdie, and pow.
07:09Instant money.
07:10You know something?
07:11What?
07:11We don't need no birdie.
07:12You'll do.
07:15Now, what do you mean by that?
07:16You're a cuckoo.
07:18Will you stop it?
07:18I'm just trying to help you.
07:20Okay, okay.
07:21Like you say, what I got to lose, right?
07:23Good.
07:24Good.
07:24Don't lose the address.
07:26No, no.
07:26And be there at 8 o'clock, okay?
07:27Oh, I'll be there.
07:28All right.
07:28You won't regret it.
07:29No, no, no.
07:30Okay.
07:33Mr. Moody.
07:34Mr. Moody, I have wonderful news.
07:36Good.
07:37When are you quitting?
07:37I'm not quitting.
07:41Mammoth Studio is running a Robert Goulet look-alike contest.
07:45Robert goo-who?
07:47Robert Goulet.
07:49He's a big star, and I have the winner of that look-alike contest.
07:53Well, fully, I hope you'll both be very happy.
07:56Mr. Moody, that man, that Mr. Willis that was just in here, he's a cinch to win the contest.
08:01He'll get first prize, and all you have to do is take his picture.
08:06Who takes what?
08:07Well, I can't afford a professional photographer, and even if I could, he wouldn't be as good
08:12as you are.
08:13Why, you just take wonderful, wonderful pictures.
08:16This picture of Mrs. Moody is just fantastic.
08:20That is a picture of the Grand Canyon.
08:22You know, it does look like Irma, with that mouth open.
08:31Yeah, well, anyway, it's a marvelous picture, why it's like a da Vinci.
08:36Da Vinci was a painter.
08:38Oh.
08:39And I am a banker, and I have work to do.
08:41And so do you.
08:42Will you please get at it?
08:43Now go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
08:48Well, there goes all that money.
08:50Oh, there's all what money.
08:55Well, that's what I'm trying to tell you.
08:56The winner of the contest gets $5,000.
08:59And Mr. Willis is giving me half for arranging everything.
09:04Now, do you realize what my half comes to?
09:06Certainly.
09:07$1,250.
09:08Yeah.
09:10$1,250?
09:12Half of $5,000 is $2,500.
09:15Yes, and half of your $2,500 is my $1,250.
09:19You're joking.
09:22Then why aren't you laughing?
09:26Well, why should you give half of my half?
09:28I'll give you 10%.
09:29Mrs. Carmichael, you do not bargain with Leonardo da Vinci.
09:48Oh, come on in, Mr. Mooney.
09:56Good heavens, do you need all that junk?
09:59This junk happens to be some of the most expensive photographic equipment money can buy.
10:05Okay.
10:05Is Willis here yet?
10:07Yes, he's inside getting into his costume.
10:09Costume?
10:10Yeah.
10:11I borrowed a Western outfit for him.
10:13Just to take a picture?
10:15Yes.
10:15Now, all the other contestants are sending in plain head shots, you know, but Robert Goulet
10:20is playing a marshal in the picture, so we photograph Chuck as a Western marshal.
10:25Now, that is showmanship.
10:27I must admit, Mrs. Carmichael, you are thinking.
10:33Which is more than you do in the band.
10:35Why do you always have to add that?
10:38Well, it's true.
10:38Good heavens.
10:40Look at this.
10:40Hmm?
10:41What?
10:42Who's that?
10:43It's Robert Goulet.
10:45Oh.
10:45He's in his Western outfit for the picture, see?
10:47Now, when I get through with Chuck, he's going to look exactly like that.
10:51Hmm.
10:51I have all the makeup right here.
10:52Hmm.
10:53See?
10:54Grease, paint, rouge, eyeshadow, eyebrow, pencil, mascara, everything.
10:59Wouldn't plastic surgery be simple?
11:02Oh.
11:03Well, here's our marshal now.
11:12Oh.
11:12Oh.
11:13Oh.
11:13Oh.
11:13Oh.
11:14Oh.
11:14Oh, you must give me the name of your tailor.
11:29Gee, it does look a little snug.
11:31I got a tattoo that's looser.
11:35Oh, I can't understand it.
11:37I got a size 38.
11:38I'm a size 42.
11:40Oh, well, I'm sorry.
11:42Sit down, Chuck.
11:47Sit in these pants?
11:48You've got to be kidding me.
11:50Come on, now.
11:50You've got to sit down while I put the makeup on you.
11:53Makeup?
11:54Oh, no.
11:54You're not putting any of that guck on me.
11:56Now, I have to.
11:57I have to make you up to look like Robert Goulet in the picture now.
12:01If you want to win the $5,000, sit down.
12:03Okay, but I never figured I'd have to put on makeup to get my truck fixed.
12:11Now then, take off your hat.
12:21I can't.
12:22My arms don't bend.
12:24Oh, all right.
12:27There.
12:28Now.
12:29Now, I'm going to have to give you some real bushy eyebrows, because Mr. Goulet is wearing
12:35very bushy eyebrows in this picture, and all Western Marshalls, you know, always have
12:40those big bushy eyebrows.
12:44Is it always this painful?
12:51No, no.
12:52No, still.
12:53Well, now, now I'm going to put some eye shadow up here, because I want you to look, close
13:00your eyes, and relax your face.
13:03I want you to look real weathermy.
13:11I could have done this.
13:17What's that?
13:19Haven't you ever seen a horse before?
13:23That's a horse?
13:37Well, now, what did you expect for $3?
13:40Man of war?
13:42Come on, Chuck.
13:44What's taking him so long?
13:46You sure you got the right flashball?
13:47Well, of course.
13:48Come on, Chuck.
13:49Hurry up.
13:50And Corian in this outfit would be suicide.
14:01What's that?
14:03That is a horse.
14:05You are a marshal.
14:06You got to have a horse.
14:07Now, come on.
14:08Leap into the saddle.
14:12Not with these pants on.
14:14Come on, now, Chuck.
14:15We got to have you up there so we can take the picture.
14:18Come on.
14:32Forget it.
14:32There's no way to get up in that hammock.
14:35All right, Mr. Mooney, don't just stand there.
14:37Come on, help him up.
14:38Oh, all right.
14:41Well, now, let's see.
14:43You, uh, grab my leg, grab my leg.
14:45Your leg.
14:46All righty.
14:47Leg up.
14:47Here we go.
14:48Are you ready?
14:49Up and over.
14:50Here we go.
14:51Ah!
14:52Come on, come on, come on.
14:53Come on, come on, come on.
14:55Come on, come on, come on.
14:57Forget it.
14:58I told you it's impossible.
14:59Now, Chuck, nothing is impossible now.
15:01You got to get up there so we can take the picture.
15:04Now, come on.
15:06Let's see, uh, if I, well, maybe.
15:09No, do the same way.
15:12Come here.
15:13I bet they didn't have this much trouble making Gone with the Wind.
15:18Here, Dobbin.
15:18All right, now, one more.
15:20Here, Dobbin.
15:21Oh, good, good, good.
15:23Oh, yeah, you're doing fine.
15:25You're doing fine.
15:25Get your legs over there.
15:26I do it.
15:33All right, now.
15:39Okay, how's that?
15:41How could anything stuffed with hay be this hard?
15:44All right, Mr. Malie, are you ready?
15:46Come on.
15:46Oh, I'm ready.
15:47I'm all set.
15:47Be sure you've got the right flashbulb and everything.
15:49Now, Chuck, Chuck, I want you to sit up straight and look off into the sunset.
15:55Oh, Chuck.
15:56The sunsets over there don't look like an Indian.
15:59Get your head back there.
16:00Look off there and get that special look that Western Marshalls have, you know?
16:06All right.
16:07All right, now, Chuck, smile.
16:08Smile about what?
16:11Smile.
16:13Good.
16:14I got it.
16:15I got it.
16:15Oh, that was a good one.
16:17That was a beauty.
16:18Are you sure?
16:18Yes, yes.
16:19Everything's...
16:20Yes, it was all good.
16:21All right, all right.
16:21Now, you can get down, Chuck.
16:22Yeah.
16:23That's what you think.
16:25Help him down.
16:26Give me the camera.
16:27Oh, be careful.
16:28I will.
16:29Be careful.
16:29I will.
16:29Be careful.
16:30Uh, oh, come on.
16:32Okay, come on.
16:35Oh.
16:37Now, you sure you got a good one, Mr. Mooney?
16:39Oh, it was perfect.
16:40Perfect.
16:41Oh, I want to tell you, Chuck, that's $5,000 in the bag.
16:44Isn't that great?
16:45You'll be able to get rid of your old broken-down truck.
16:47Well, right now, that old broken-down truck is in better shape than I am.
16:51Ah, you know.
16:52Good job.
16:53You're going to win it, Doc.
16:54You're going to win it, Doc.
16:54You're going to win it.
16:55You're going to win it.
16:55You're going to win it.
17:00Oh, boy.
17:02$5,000.
17:04I sure hope we won.
17:06Well, if I do say so myself, that was one of the best pictures I've ever taken.
17:10Yeah?
17:11Yeah.
17:11I hope you had the right lens for tight pants.
17:16Well, you know, the contest is over at 6 o'clock today, and Dorothy promised to come right over here and tell us who won.
17:22Well, whatever happens, I sure appreciate all the trouble you went to for me.
17:26Well, it was a pleasure, Chuck.
17:28Oh, I hope that's Dorothy.
17:31$5,000.
17:33Hi, Dottie.
17:35Hi, Lucy.
17:35Oh, boy, have we been waiting for you.
17:38Yeah, well, I got here as soon as I could.
17:39Hello, Mr. Mooney.
17:40Hello.
17:41Mr. Goulet, what are you doing here?
17:43Ah, hi, you see.
17:45What did I tell you?
17:46That is not Mr. Goulet.
17:48It isn't?
17:49No, it isn't.
17:50Then who is it?
17:51Oh, I think you probably know his name.
17:55How would I know his name?
17:56Well, now, who won the contest?
17:58Arthur Finster.
18:00Arthur Finster?
18:02Arthur Finster?
18:04Who's Arthur Finster?
18:06Well, he won first prize.
18:07Melvin Koppel was second and Irving Schwartz third.
18:10Oh, but it's too bad he didn't enter the contest.
18:14Well, I'm sure Mr. Goulet would have picked him as the winner.
18:17But he did enter.
18:18He did?
18:19Yes, he did.
18:21I told you those contests were fake.
18:24You know, Chuck, tomorrow we're going over there and see that Mr. Robert Goulet.
18:27What for?
18:28Because I'm not going to let him get away with this.
18:30I let Elizabeth Taylor get away with it, but never again.
18:36How did Elizabeth Taylor get into that?
18:38There's nothing wrong in being sentimental if the one you love is sweet and strong and gentle.
18:56Put pride aside and tell me that you love me, and maybe a tear will show that I love you.
19:16You know, that's really very catchy.
19:31I'm glad you like it.
19:32You really read it yourself, Mr. Goulet?
19:33Yes, I wrote it myself.
19:35Wonderful.
19:37Mr. Goulet's office.
19:39Oh, okay.
19:41They want you on the set in 30 minutes.
19:43Okay.
19:44I'll go in and change.
19:45Okay.
19:46Mr. Goulet?
19:47The photo lab sent this over.
20:03You had it enlarged.
20:06Oh, yeah.
20:07If things get really grim around here, I can always get a good laugh from this.
20:11Can you imagine some nut sending this into the contest?
20:14You know, it does look a little like you.
20:20Oh, I wish you hadn't said that.
20:24That's the worst thing that's been said about me since I forgot the words of the Star Spangled Bound.
20:32Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Goulet.
20:35But ever since we had that contest, everybody looks like you.
20:39Don't forget, I had to look at thousands of Goulet's.
20:42I had to look at tall Goulet's.
20:44Short Goulet's.
20:45Fat Goulet's.
20:46Thin Goulet's.
20:47Brunette Goulet's.
20:48Blonde Goulet's.
20:49Ball Goulet's.
20:50French Goulet's.
20:51Italian Goulet's.
20:52German Goulet's.
20:53Hungarian Goulet's.
20:55German Goulet's.
20:56Take it easy.
20:57Oh, you're going to be all right.
21:00Oh, but I've only got two more visits to my psychiatrist left.
21:04Well, all right.
21:05Just relax.
21:06Take it easy and sit down.
21:08Oh, dear.
21:08I've got to have quiet.
21:17Oh, wow.
21:19I'm glad you like it.
21:21May I help you?
21:25Chuck, come in here.
21:28Look.
21:30There it is.
21:33Chuck?
21:34Now, that proves that you entered the contest.
21:38Oh, Toledo.
21:39No wonder I never won.
21:41Never mind that.
21:42There's something crooked going on around here, and we're going to get to the bottom of it.
21:45Chuck?
21:46This is Carmichael.
21:47I've got enough, and I don't want any more trouble.
21:49But we've got trouble, and they gave it to us, and we're going to give it back.
21:52No, no.
21:53You give it back.
21:54I'll wait for the outside in the hall.
21:55Oh, Chuck.
22:01I would like to see Mr. Goulet, please.
22:04So would I.
22:06So would I.
22:08Yes, Michelle?
22:10Is that you, Mr. Goulet?
22:12Well, now, of course it's me.
22:14Who are you expecting?
22:15Arthur Finster?
22:16Ah-ha!
22:17So they know each other.
22:18Then it was fixed.
22:19Whoever you are, you better come out here.
22:21Ha!
22:25Now, what's going on, Miss Herlo?
22:26That is what I would like to know, Mr. Goulet.
22:30And who are you?
22:31Never mind who I am.
22:34Come with me.
22:35Come, Douglas.
22:37Uh-oh.
22:41What have you got to say about him?
22:53I must be hitting too many high notes.
22:55Mr. Goulet?
23:02I wouldn't bet on it.
23:09Chuck.
23:10Yeah?
23:10Come on in here.
23:15Now, we're going into Mr. Goulet's office,
23:17and we're going to find out about this.
23:18Now, go on.
23:19Get in there.
23:21Don't leave me!
23:22Ah!
23:22Ah!
23:23Ah!
23:23Ah!
23:23Ah!
23:24Ah!
23:24Ah!
23:24Ah!
23:25Ah!
23:25You're not cracking up.
23:27I don't want to be out here alone.
23:29What's the matter with you?
23:30I'm sick.
23:34Mr. Goulet?
23:36No, I'm Chuck.
23:37What happened?
23:39What happened?
23:40It's wonderful.
23:42What?
23:42What's wonderful?
23:43Mr. Goulet just hired me as his double.
23:46What?
23:46And I'm getting a salary I never heard of in my whole life.
23:51Hey, you know what, Goulet's sure a nice guy.
23:53He's a lousy actor, but a nice guy.
23:57He'll like him.
23:58I'll like him.
23:59Oh, yeah.
23:59He wants to have you out for lunch tomorrow.
24:01I'm going to thank you for getting us together.
24:02Me?
24:03Lunch with Mr. Goulet?
24:04Yeah.
24:04When?
24:05Tomorrow.
24:06Tomorrow?
24:06Tomorrow.
24:07How about that?
24:10I'm in show business.
24:14Oh, gee.
24:15Can you hear that?
24:16I'm going to have lunch with Robert Goulet.
24:18Nice.
24:18Oh, oh, my hair.
24:20I've got to do my hair.
24:21And what will I wear?
24:22Where will we go?
24:23What will we have?
24:25Champagne, I bet.
24:26Champagne caviar.
24:28Champagne caviar.
24:31Mr. Goulet?
24:32Chuck?
24:35Now, I'm off of Finstown.
24:48There we go.
25:13Bye.
25:15Bye.
25:16Bye.
25:17Bye.
25:17Bye.
25:17THE END