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Transcript
00:00This is around the time you tried to kill me.
00:16This was normal.
00:18Sitting in a chair, cleaning his guns, drinking his beer, smoking his cigarettes.
00:25Normal.
00:27That was his routine.
00:30And you better not interrupt it.
00:33The fact that he could take a gun and point it at his child.
00:41I really believe he tried to end my life that day.
00:47There's no love.
00:49There's just nothing there.
00:50My relationship with my father wasn't a loving relationship.
01:05There were several times that I would feel like a doom come over me.
01:10And you're like, you know, right before storms, how the weather changes and you feel it's changing?
01:16It's the same thing with his personality.
01:18You could feel the storm coming.
01:20And I begged.
01:23I always begged.
01:24I was always, please, please.
01:26Mom, something's going to happen to you.
01:28Mom, you're going to die one day.
01:29Please.
01:30And then she's like, just, just hush.
01:33Just, just hush.
01:34She don't believe me.
01:37She don't believe me.
01:37She don't believe me.
01:39She don't believe me.
02:09So, I was born in Miami, Florida, Dade County.
02:22I was born two months early and I ended up staying in the hospital for two months in an incubator
02:28to survive, which, of course, was survive.
02:34I'm here for a purpose and I'm not going anywhere.
02:39My mother was a beautiful, beautiful woman, especially when she smiled.
02:46There would be moments that I clung to growing up that we would be blaring the music and dancing
02:52together and doing the bump.
02:54I remember those times I had with her, those good moments, and I tried to cling on to them most of the time.
03:03My father, his name was Wayne.
03:06I have one memory of my dad, actually, that is actually a good memory.
03:09He took us to the fair and he won me a teddy bear.
03:12And I was the happiest kid on earth because my dad won me a teddy bear.
03:17And I'm just smiling.
03:19I'm so happy I've got a teddy bear with my dad.
03:25Of course, that was short-lived.
03:29He was the type of person that if he wasn't happy, nobody was going to be happy.
03:33And if you were happy, he was going to do everything he could to destroy you and take that grin off your face, to take that joy away from you.
03:42Growing up, there has not been a time that I could remember that I wasn't scared of my father.
04:12When I was young, I was a little girl still.
04:17And I came home one day.
04:21And he was sitting on the chair.
04:23He had his knife and he was working the belt.
04:26And I'm like, what have you done?
04:28He goes, this is to beat your butt with.
04:34This is to make you and your mother listen better.
04:37They called it cat-of-nine-tails because it's like a tail when there's a little bunch of tails at the end of it.
04:46So when you got hit, the tassels would fail and then you would get hit with that knot.
04:54I didn't know what to think at the time other than, that's going to hurt.
04:58Whenever I got spanked by my father, I would be kept out of school until the bruises went away.
05:05So I missed a lot of school.
05:06This is Toby, my little baby.
05:19You can see the love.
05:20You can see how attentive he is of me.
05:22He's paying attention to what I'm doing.
05:26And I'm like, that's my boy.
05:28I'm looking at my boy.
05:29Toby, it was the first time I had something give me that love back.
05:35Toby would follow me everywhere I went.
05:38He never left my side.
05:40Toby, come.
05:41Come get the ball.
05:43So one day I was out in the front yard and we were, you know, playing like we normally do.
05:49And I hear the door just slam open.
05:51And I turn and I look and my dad's just standing in the doorway with his kind of nine tails in his hand.
06:01And he's just, you can see in his face that he's angry.
06:05And I'm like, oh gosh, what happened?
06:08And he came after me.
06:11And he grabbed me by my arm.
06:12And, um, when he went to swing the belt to hit me, the dog grabbed it and took off with it.
06:23Mommy, stop!
06:24Hold back!
06:26And my father's going, get back here!
06:29I'm trying to get him to come back.
06:32And that dog did not come out of hiding.
06:35He sensed the evil.
06:36He sensed the anger that my father had at that time.
06:39And he didn't come home that night.
06:42And he stayed hidden all night.
06:49Next morning I woke up, I get up, I'm calling him and he's not there.
06:53And where's my baby?
06:54You know, where's my baby?
06:57So my mom and my dad were in the kitchen and she's like,
07:03Wayne, do you know what happened to Toby?
07:06And he goes, he won't be back here anymore.
07:10I'd be surprised he ever comes back around.
07:14And then sitting on my school desk is the cat of nine tails.
07:20And I'm like, how'd that get here?
07:25I knew something bad happened.
07:27And I just feel like my father found him.
07:34And got his cat of nine tails back and took it out on the dog instead of me.
07:39And I feel so hurt for that poor dog for rescuing me and then taking it.
07:46It's not fair.
07:48It's not fair at all.
07:49I feel like my father left that kind of nine tails on my desk to show me that
07:56nothing's going to stop him from doing what he wants to do.
08:08Okay.
08:08Okay.
08:08My parents, when I was growing up, they were always at each other.
08:26Constant at each other.
08:28Anytime they were together, it was something they were arguing about.
08:32One day we were home and they started arguing and it got pretty bad.
08:39He was shoving her around and getting violent.
08:42She grabbed me and we ran into the bathroom.
08:48She was afraid if she ran away, that I would be the next target.
08:52So she took me too.
08:55Get out of here!
08:57When we're in there, he's pulling that doorknob, pounding on the door.
09:03Sam, open this door, you know.
09:05Don't make me break this door down.
09:08Open the door!
09:10And he's just going off and you could feel the frame, you know, vibrating.
09:17Open this door!
09:19We were looking at each other and she's like, he's going to knock the door down.
09:22He's going to get in here.
09:23So that's when she decided to go out the window.
09:25So I see him coming and you can see the anger and the hate.
09:35And you know what's coming.
09:39He just comes running out the front of the house after us, you know, towards the car.
09:45Hey!
09:45And just so happened, he had an axe.
09:51And he's screaming, you know, get out of my effing car.
09:58You know, that's my car.
10:00And where do you think you're going?
10:03Hurry!
10:04I'm petrified of what he's going to do with that axe.
10:09He was on a mission.
10:10Seeing him with that axe was really scary because I thought we were dead.
10:21His face was just pure anger.
10:27It's just pure evil coming through him.
10:32And I'm screaming, mom, floor it, mom, floor it, let's go, you know.
10:37And I'm just screaming.
10:39So he brings the axe down and it hits the driver's window.
10:47Of course, it shatters the window and it sticks into the door.
10:50Like, it comes down and just wedges right in the door.
10:54And I scream out in fear.
10:57And she's just, and she just guns, you know, pedals in the metal.
11:01And, like, we're driving down the road with an axe sticking out the door.
11:09He definitely meant to hurt her and just didn't at that time.
11:14He could have killed her instantly right then.
11:15This is my father working on his, uh, his car, his muscle car.
11:32And I, I think I'm bringing him a glass of iced tea or something.
11:39My mom, my mom took the picture.
11:43He loved that car.
11:45You can see the, the space in between me and him in here.
11:51I didn't want to touch him.
11:55You can see that I'm just barely getting close enough just to put his drink down.
12:04Just walking up to him.
12:06I can feel the, the fear.
12:08Just reminded me of how I felt when I was around him.
12:13It's hard because I, it brings back the emotions that I, that I keep buried.
12:31It brings back that, that pain and that fear.
12:36I was really scared of him.
12:43Several occasions, I mean, he would literally give her a beating of her life.
12:52I mean, she would go to work with just bruises around her whole, whole neck.
12:56Just bruises.
12:58Black eyes, busted lips.
13:00I mean, she lost most of her teeth in her early thirties from the beatings.
13:05Growing up, I felt like that was the way it was to be yelled at and screamed at and smacked around.
13:10If it's normal, you're the man.
13:14Or if you want to smack your kid around, you can do it because you're the man.
13:18Men were the men.
13:19Women were nothing.
13:22There were times that he'd be done beating her and he would come looking for me.
13:27And I started hiding.
13:31So my hiding place was a closet behind where the clothes hung.
13:36There was just enough space in there that I could crawl into that closet with my teddy bears and a pillow and lay there.
13:46And he couldn't find me.
13:48Plenty of times that I'd end up there overnight.
13:51I was just hot.
13:52This one day, he was looking for me, couldn't find me.
14:03Where is she?
14:04And my mom, she's like, I don't know where she is.
14:08How would I know?
14:09I've been with you.
14:10And I remember hearing her go into the living room.
14:14And then I hear him hit her.
14:20And I hear her choking sounds.
14:24Shut up!
14:25And he's beating her and I'm not going to come out.
14:29I'm scared.
14:31It went on, it seemed like forever.
14:35It seemed like that he was choking her.
14:38Then he would let her, you know, let her catch her breath again.
14:41And then he would start choking her again.
14:44When he would release her, she would be like, please, Wayne, please stop.
14:47Please, please stop.
14:49You're going to kill me.
14:50Please stop.
14:51And he'd be like, well, if you die, it's your own damn fault because you won't listen.
14:57You could hear it all.
15:01And then it stopped and I didn't hear anything.
15:07I thought at that time he had done it.
15:09I thought at that time she was going to be laying on the floor dead.
15:13I thought I'd lost my mom.
15:18I thought she was really gone.
15:22I was so scared and it seemed like forever for him to leave, you know, to go out of the house.
15:31When I heard his car crank up, I'd come out real quick to go find my mom.
15:37And she was, she was actually laying on the floor still, just so beaten and battered.
15:48And then I just sat next to her holding her hand crying because I couldn't do anything for her.
15:56I couldn't help her.
15:57She wasn't awake.
16:01She was still, I thought at the time she was sleeping on the floor.
16:06Mom, wake up.
16:09She was passed out from the beating.
16:11No child should have to go through that, that fear of losing a loved one because of another loved one.
16:23It was very terrifying as a kid to go through those moments and not, not know what was going to happen.
16:38My mother felt like she was stuck in that life because we were raised, you made your bed, you live in it.
16:44Any incident that happened, there was no talking about it later.
16:47There was nothing, it was, that's the past, that was yesterday.
16:52Stay out of his way.
16:54Hopefully today, nothing will happen.
16:56So my mom came to me one day and told me I was going to have a baby brother or sister.
17:05She was pregnant.
17:07I remember putting my hand on her belly and feeling the baby move and being so joyed.
17:16I was very excited not to be lonely anymore, and I just couldn't wait till that baby came.
17:22In the beginning, my dad seemed happy about it, and there was less yelling in the house.
17:30Then when I found out I was a sister, I'm like, oh, sister, I can braid her hair.
17:34I can share my clothes with her.
17:36And so I started planning what we were going to do.
17:39We were going to build little Barbie forts in the yard and, you know, do all these things.
17:45I feel like when he realized she wasn't having a boy is when he stopped being nice and didn't care anymore.
17:53And that's when it just got more physical.
17:58It just went away.
18:00All the peace went away.
18:01And I was like, it wasn't real.
18:02One day, my mom had one of her beatings, and the next day I woke up, and she's not well, you know.
18:22And I can tell she's not feeling well.
18:25And she says she's going to go to the hospital.
18:28And then she came home, I guess, a day or two later.
18:35Her belly's gone.
18:37I'm like, Mom, you had the baby?
18:38And she just started crying.
18:42And she said, no, Dinky, I lost the baby.
18:49Yes, excuse me.
18:51This is so horrible.
18:52I can only imagine how horrible that was for her.
19:05Oh, my gosh.
19:06Now that I'm a mom, I can relate to how awful that had been for her.
19:15How could you go through that kind of pain and not get out of it?
19:20And then we'll find out that it's not the first time it happened.
19:23She had had miscarriages several times during the marriage.
19:26This is just the furthest pregnancy of one.
19:28She almost lost me because of a baby.
19:37But she stayed.
19:40She stayed.
19:41She forgave him.
19:43How could you forgive somebody for causing you to lose your child?
19:46And that caused me to be more bitter to her, actually, because, okay, so if he uses me, you take it.
19:57And I caused you to lose my sister, and you just, you stayed.
20:02Why don't you leave?
20:06Sorry.
20:06Sorry.
20:16When I was little, we didn't have a heater, essential heat in the house.
20:21And my mom had an electric heater in her room.
20:24She was at work.
20:26So I went into her room and went to sleep.
20:30My father came home drunk and went to bed.
20:37At first, I didn't know what was happening.
20:40And I'm, like, you know, like, trying to shove him a little bit, like, hey.
20:49He just takes his hand and puts his hand over my mouth.
20:52And at that time, I knew, shut up.
20:55And he touched me in ways that a father shouldn't touch their daughter, you know.
21:03And afterwards, he goes, go get a shower and go to your room.
21:17And I just didn't understand.
21:22It was hard.
21:25I didn't know what to do.
21:27I was scared.
21:30How can you do that to your child?
21:33It happened a couple times, but that was the first time.
21:41And after I got a shower and I came out of the shower, he was in the hallway.
21:49And he goes, I actually just remember this day.
21:55He doesn't remember what happened to Toby.
21:58Don't you tell nobody.
22:01I was so scared.
22:03It was just horrible.
22:07Like, I'm his daughter.
22:12But that made me realize how bad he really was.
22:17How far he was willing to go.
22:20To hurt us.
22:22And for his own selfish needs.
22:24That's when I realized I had no control over my life.
22:33When he crossed this line, I realized how truly helpless I was.
22:42I never really got help for that.
22:55Never.
22:58I just don't deal with it.
23:00I just keep burying it.
23:04I'm trying to convince myself it didn't happen.
23:08I need to go outside.
23:11So around the time I was seven, my mom got pregnant again.
23:31But she waited a few months to tell anybody that she was pregnant.
23:36Shortly after I found out she was pregnant, that she was going to have a boy.
23:39And then I was so excited that she was going to have another baby.
23:45But then I was scared and worried, too.
23:48I was worried that something would happen to that baby like the other one.
23:52But he didn't beat her because she was having a boy.
23:59He was overjoyed with the fact he was going to have a son.
24:02That's the thing he wanted most in life was a boy.
24:07It was his pride and joy.
24:10And when they brought him home and they walk in the door together actually at the same time
24:15and they weren't arguing, he's actually carrying my brother because he was a proud daddy for my brother.
24:21You know, I was more hopeful that he changed, that he wasn't going to be beating us anymore,
24:27that she gave him what he wanted most, a son.
24:30You know, hey, we might be a family, finally.
24:37But there was constant tension.
24:42There was constant what's going to happen, you know, constant fear.
24:48It never, it never subsided at all.
24:51It just seemed to grow.
24:54There was one evening I remember, I just remember hearing Scrape.
25:00And she comes down the hall and she yells for me.
25:05She grabbed me and she's, you know, running with me behind the couch.
25:09Because he stood up.
25:13I made eye contact with him.
25:15He was looking right at me.
25:18And I remember just the hate, the pure hate.
25:25He hated us.
25:26And he took the gun and brought it down.
25:33You know, like, to me it's in slow motion.
25:37Brings that gun down.
25:39And it goes off.
25:40And we just, both of us just fell to the floor.
25:47And I thought she was hit.
25:49And she thought I was hit.
25:50And he fired a few times through the house at us.
25:55And I remember hearing it hit the wall behind us.
26:02You could hear the impact.
26:06That was one of the scariest moments of my life.
26:10Like, I thought we were dead.
26:13So we were just there, not moving.
26:16Until, until, until he quit and left.
26:19Oh, my God.
26:23He just literally tried to kill us.
26:29I don't know why he has so much hate.
26:33So much anger towards us.
26:35And, and the fact not only to pull the trigger once.
26:40But to empty it and reload it and do it again.
26:44And, why?
26:47Why?
26:50I think my father stayed because he enjoyed controlling us.
26:55He enjoyed the power.
26:57And he, he just kept coming back to do it some more.
27:02And to keep seeing how far he can go and get away with it.
27:08I was worried he was going to kill us.
27:10He was going to secede and, and, and do something that would,
27:14there was no coming back from.
27:19He told me.
27:29This is definitely around the time he tried to,
27:31tried to kill me.
27:33I'm looking at this, and he seems that little smirk on his face, actually.
27:44That little, that little smirk's like, I got my gun.
27:54Where's your heart?
27:59Where's your compassion?
28:01Do you even have it?
28:03Did you even love us?
28:07He'd leave and come back.
28:09Why come back if you hated us?
28:11If you wanted us to die, why come back?
28:14But I know what I was.
28:15He enjoyed the power he had over us.
28:18He enjoyed the control.
28:20That was him, controlling everything.
28:25Destroying everything.
28:26We're driving around one night, and we're looking for my father.
28:45We finally went to the bar, and his car was there.
28:50Park's up next to him, and she hops out.
28:53Y'all stay right here.
28:54Mom, let him go, please.
28:56Just stay here.
28:57And I'm like, Mom, please, please, we can't go.
29:00We can't go.
29:01We can't.
29:02So I'm begging, and like, just hysterically crying.
29:05And I just, I knew when she went in that bar that things were going to happen soon.
29:15Get away from me.
29:16And next thing I know, he's coming out of the bar.
29:21Hey!
29:22And she's coming out right behind him.
29:26And he gets in his car, and I look over, and he looks at me, and it was just, you know, that whole, I hate you look again.
29:39I hate y'all.
29:40I just hate you.
29:41I hear the tires squeal on his car.
29:50He had applied pedal to the metal, gassed his car, and he turned the car and rammed into the back of her car.
30:07At the same time, she was running across the front of the car.
30:11And she was pit in between the car and the building.
30:25And then I heard that scream that I kept hearing in my dream, that scream of pain that she was in.
30:32And he did not let off that gas.
30:42Dad, stop!
30:43You could smell the rubber, Bernie.
30:44You could see the pain.
30:45You could see the pain.
30:50You could see it, the pain and agony she was in.
30:56The scream.
30:57You're thinking, was this the last time I'm going to see her?
31:01This is how I'm going to remember her the rest of my life.
31:05I see my mom, and she's screaming so bad, and there's no color in her left.
31:19She's white as a ghost.
31:21And I see his face, and his eyes are just, like, glowing red.
31:25You could just see the mission he had was to kill us.
31:32He wanted to end us.
31:36And people were pounding on his window, trying to get to him to stop him.
31:41And finally, I guess, somebody got into the car and stopped him from pushing the pedal.
31:50And he gets out of his car, and he starts screaming at her.
31:56Hey!
31:56What are you doing?
31:59And, of course, you see the blood just pouring.
32:04She lost her legs.
32:08One of them at the scene completely came off.
32:14And he touched it and said, you made me do this.
32:25And I'm like, somebody help her.
32:27Somebody help her.
32:28And I'm screaming, somebody help her.
32:30Get him away from her.
32:32Don't let him over there.
32:33I felt like that was the last time I was going to see my mom.
32:53The next day, I found out that she was still alive.
32:56I'd say it was a few weeks before I was able to actually see her.
33:02She was asleep when I came around the corner and walked up to her bed.
33:05And I just touched her hand, you know, just touched it.
33:12As soon as I touched her hand, she opened her eyes and looked at me.
33:16And it just, we both just started crying.
33:21You know, tears just started flowing.
33:23And she just started telling me how sorry she was and that she should have believed me.
33:29And I'm like, Mom, it's okay.
33:31It's okay.
33:34You're not dead.
33:35It's okay.
33:36Because I'm still joyed that she's still alive.
33:39And whatever this is and whatever's happened, we'll get through it.
33:43She's still here, though.
33:45You know, we can still talk.
33:46And I can still tell her I love her.
33:48My mom was in the hospital for almost a couple years.
33:54She went through over 40 surgeries.
33:58The second leg, they tried to save it.
34:02Eventually, the gangrene got so high, they decided to just amputate the leg completely.
34:18My father stole my childhood.
34:23At least I knew he was locked up.
34:26And he wasn't going to get out and get to me anymore.
34:29I felt safe again.
34:30I didn't feel the evil was knocking on my door anymore.
34:33I could be a kid again.
34:35And I was going to graduate.
34:38And at the time, there was nobody in the family that had graduated high school.
34:43And I was going to be the one to go to college.
34:49So they had an inside ceremony because of the rain.
34:52So it was in the gymnasium.
34:54And they have all of us graduates crammed in there.
34:57And there was a lot of us.
35:03I'm looking around.
35:04My mom, of course, she's in a wheelchair.
35:06So she's in the front, right there.
35:08And looking at her and my brother sitting in her lap.
35:12And they're just, he's like this.
35:16And I was just overjoyed.
35:26And just something caught my attention and pulled me to the crowd of people.
35:35And right there, in the middle of the crowd, he was standing there.
35:50I literally started crying right there.
35:55So I'm like, what is he doing here?
35:57He's supposed to be in jail.
35:59Why is he here?
36:00And that was the best day of my life.
36:04It ended up being the worst day of my life.
36:10So the whole time I'm having to walk up to get my diploma, I'm shaking, crying.
36:17And, you know, they're probably thinking, oh, she's just so happy.
36:21But I was scared.
36:23I was so scared.
36:25He's looking at me, but he's not smiling.
36:29He's not proud of me.
36:33He's just staring at me with this blank expression.
36:37All that fear came back right then.
36:39Unbelievably, my father served less than five years in prison for what he did.
36:54He went to prison in late 84.
36:57He got out by Christmas of 89.
37:00So he had been out for, like, six, seven months when I graduated.
37:06And during that time, apparently, him and my mom were seeing each other.
37:12And it was a shocker to learn that.
37:17She was convinced that he was a changed man.
37:22I don't know what happened.
37:23I don't know if she went in front of the ProBot board and requested.
37:27I don't know.
37:27Maybe she did.
37:29Maybe she helped get him out.
37:32I think he came to ruin my happiness.
37:35And it was like a reminder.
37:38I'm still here.
37:39I'm still watching you.
37:40I still know what you're doing.
37:42You're not away from me.
37:43You're not free.
37:44Remember that.
37:45That's how I felt.
37:46I told him at that point, don't ever, don't ever come in my life.
38:01Don't ever try to contact me.
38:03I don't want nothing to do with you.
38:04You're just, basically, my main, my main focus was survival.
38:13Stay alive.
38:14Stay away where he can't hurt you.
38:16I put extra locks on the doors.
38:20I put weapons by each door as far as knives or bats or guns.
38:26I planted them through the house to protect myself.
38:28Because I was in fear that now that he was out, he was going to find me and finish off what he didn't do before.
38:35He had a heart attack in his sleep.
38:49What a peaceful way to go, right?
38:52My mom suffered.
38:55Suffered so badly.
38:56And he gets to just fall asleep, not wake up.
39:01How unfair is that?
39:05I was glad he was gone.
39:10It was actually a relief that he had actually passed.
39:13So I knew I would never have to run into him again.
39:17I'd never have to be in fear again.
39:19This should have happened years ago.
39:22I didn't have to worry about if he was going to decide to hurt my mom.
39:27Growing up, I was angry with her and always, why don't you leave?
39:31Why don't you leave?
39:32And she wouldn't leave.
39:35I blamed her because I feel like she made the choice.
39:40She could have left.
39:41She could have left.
39:42She could have done it.
39:43She could have got away.
39:45She didn't have to end up like she ended up.
39:48Instead of the truth of what happened was it's his fault.
39:53I blamed her, my mother and I relationship was just, it was damaged.
40:02It was damaged because, you know, everything he had done broke us.
40:05So you had two broken people trying to fix things together.
40:09My mom, I feel that she did the best she could with the knowledge she had.
40:17The choices she made was the best that she, she thought.
40:21I love my mom, I wish she was still here.
40:25She died a slow death.
40:28She ended up with cirrhosis of the liver.
40:30It was over 25 years in that wheelchair, and I see a strength in her that you just, you can't imagine the strength that she had.
40:43And I know that's where I got it from.
40:45I know that she gave me those good parts of her.
40:49She taught me how to be a fighter.
40:53I believe that the evil is a test of us, and it's a way to destroy us.
40:58And we can either let it, or we can fight back.
41:03Bring that light in our lives, and don't let the darkness take over.
41:13I never saw what she looked like at eight.
41:19She looks like this.
41:22She has the face of my mother, but I don't feel like her soul is there.